02/28: SNU, part two. actually its monday, but owell. hehe... february is coming to an end, which means its almost time to archive all these entries and begin on an empty page. this past weekend taught me a lot of important stuff that i want to keep in mind as i enter a new month full of surprises (both good and bad). starting friday morning i prayed really really hard to keep myself under control (cuz i noticed i tend to go insane much more easily when i feel the comfort of home), and it was surprisingly successful. there were a couple times i totally blew up though, and ended up biking myself to the top of the hill where i could see the night view and the stars and let myself calm down. it really worked, and during those times god spoke to me. i realized that all this time i've been living my life - my motivations, my everyday interactions, and even the Journey itself - based on feelings, things that FEEL right or wrong to me. its definitely a good way to see life, but it doesn't have power to change me the way i need it to. i originally gave up trying to help myself with the thought that forcing myself to turn good would be straying from my own nature, and eventually one day i will rebound the other way again. but then again thats just cuz temptation will always exist. i can go on livving based on what i feel comfortable doing, but i can never change unless i force myself to step out and do things i dont want to do.

all this time i've been living my life to seek justice - i wanted things around me to be fair, and if not i was willing to fight to make it fair. i always knew something was wrong with that mentality, and now i finally understand. for one thing, i want to protect my own rights, even if it means forcing others to respect them. in that case, i'm ultimately being selfish even though i convince myself that i'm fighting for good. sometimes i see or hear about unjust things that i'm not personally involved in, and it fuels me to fight as if i was the one being hurt. once again, i defend my position by saying i'm fighting for a good cause. but the truth in that case is that my actions are not motivated by love for the one being hurt, but rather by hate to the one who has done wrong. at last, i've found a reason to make myself turn back to the right path.

this is what i learned about myself - i dont know how to love. yea i know i wrote that whole valentines day entry on love, and yes i totally agree with what i wrote. but its not nearly as easy when it comes to actually living out the truths stated in 1 corinthians 13. in this corrupt world there can never be perfect justice, and it is love that makes people tolerate the injustice around them but still keep themselves from being part of the problem. one good example - when i'm on the road. i often check my mirrors for speeding idiots so i can position myself to block them, or wish to see someone blast music at a red light so i can turn mine even louder. to defend my actions i can say (honestly) that i never weave through traffic, and i always turn my music down when theres cars stopped next to me. but still when i try and seek 'justice', what i'm really doing is creating an enemy and making sure i win against him. i have become an addict of this lifestyle, and i'm at the point where i know its wrong and its killing me, but yet i cant set myself free. theres only one thing that can - the enemy of my enemy (hate) - love. i must learn to drive peacefully, because love is patient and kind. i shouldnt get revenge because love does is not proud or self-seeking. and love is more than an emotion - sometimes it requires sacrifices. to love, in my case, would mean leaving my comfort zone and forcing myself to change. if even hate has the power to make me do things i would otherwise not do, then the power of love must be much greater. and road rage is only one of many ways i'm hurt by my addiction to anger. but i know i have the power to overcome it because i was once an innocent child who knew no revenge. in fact, even thinking back to the first year or so when i got my car, it breaks my heart to see how much my attitude has changed. i must start reminding myself to check my every action to see whether it's motivated by love or by hate, then decide wisely if it's the right thing to do. i believe this is the missing key to help cure me of my addiction, and i pray that if this is God's will, then he will support me and remind me constantly that fight for good doesn't mean making others change, but rather making myself change.

02/27: this weeks SNU is gonna be a bit different - i pretty much covered everything already except today (church, sunday school which was really really awesome, life plaza afterwards, and now at home). so i'm gonna post some pics that i took this weekend (yes, cars. wut did u expect? hehe)

02/26: just got back from... *drumroll* virginie's birthday party! summary of the day - woke up and worked on her present... nothing too original, basically a different version of rebeccas present (see pictures -> birthdays -> rebecca). finished it just in time to head over to san gabriel... got to see rebecca n krystin again =). went to the mall... westfield or sumthin like that. havent been there for 2 n a half years and they remodeled it and its sooo nice now. then we went to the park and started setting up stuff... that was pretty hilarious, trying to put up the streamers n stuff. (and yes i took pcitures =) ). we went back n forth buying supplies and picked up micaela and the beautiful cake she made... im learning my way around san gabriel pretty well now =). so back at the park there were like 20 people... then virginie comes and we all run to her n say happy bday. ate and chilled for the rest of the night... it was coooold but still fun =). so yea.. great day, got to see all my SG friends again. not sure when we're gonna meet again... maybe a party for krystin's bday too? hehe... we'll see... anyways i guess thats all for now. gona sleep early cuz i wanna make it to sunday school tomorrow (at 9)... heard last week went really really well and i wanna check it out. so yea.. byebye!

02/25: sent carol to church for worship practice, went to do some shopping, then came home to find everyone gone (carol at church, mom at cell, howard out somewhere). so im chillin in my room and i hear howard come back and i went downstairs to say hi... opened his door and guess wut i see - a PS2. two controllers, memory card, and *drumroll* GRAN TURISMO 4. yes, the one that just came out like this week (in america). turns out howard has this crazy Sony credit card thing and hes been saving up credits for a long time and today he went to pick up all the stuff i listed above for FREE. well except $30something for tax. but still... cant even find a deal like that on ebay! hehe.. so of course, i didnt go back to my room for like the rest of the night. actually i have a LOT of stuff im supposed to finish tonight, but i guess thats gonna wait until tomorrow. come on, how often am i actually up to date with video games? especially with the greatest racing game of all time? hehe... its like midnight now and i barely left howards room (hes working tomorrow so he should go sleep)... and im probably gonna get some rest myself too. lotsa stuff to look forward to tomorrow =). goodnight!

02/25: yesterday i was eating breakfast (with steph vanessa n brianna... they're not mad at me after tuesday! =) ) and decided to scout around for some tea. and you're not gonna belive wut i saw - RASPBERRY ROYALE!!! ive been waiting for it this whole schoolyear (they had it freshman year but not this year) and finally found some! so of course i took a lot. like um... the whole box except one. haha... hey i figured maybe that means they will think everyone loves raspberry tea and they'll put out more =). so yea... had one this morning. great way to kick off the day =). finished class and *pOoF* i'm back home. ohh on the way back i saw a phantom on the street for the first time. sooo beautiful! but then again the price of that thing can provide a whole year free housing for 30 students. hehe... that reminds me - yes rite now im pretty sure i'll be dorming again next year. most likely sproul (im hoping 5 north - IV community floor). intervarsity is trying to hook up everyone with roommates (we all know each other anyways)... so i dun think its gonna be a problem. but even so i wanna make sure whoever rooms with me is able to tolerate me being a neat freak, an early sleeper AND a (soon to be) music major. so yea... hope it all works out. and again if anyone from the music department needs a roommate i'm open to that too. actually i just realized that if needed, i wouldnt mind being in rieber too (east side that is, away from the construction. i had my share of drilling last year already). or even hedrick if really really needed. hehe... hey its good to train myself not to be lazy. and i'll be like the only 3rd year in the building. haha but wuteverz... so anyways thats about it for now. great weekend to look forward to - very special evening tomorrow, cant talk about it now but i'll write about that afterwards =). ohh and one last thing - just a reminder, i dont answer my cellphone when im at home, so pleez call the house first (if u dun have my number ask for it =) ). there just enough reception for the cell to ring, but i cant stand talking when every other word is covered by static. so yea... thanx for cooperating =).

02/23: feeling much better compared to wut i would have guessed a few days ago. today was supposed to have 'scattered thunderstorms'. thunderstorm my butt... haha internet in sproul hasnt exactly been too cooperative these days. the whole past weekend ive been looking forward to coming back to school for stable connection, and i was REALLY disappointed. one more time internet dies this week and the next day the tech center service people are not gonna be happy. *smirk* anyways... lotsa happy stuff in these past few days that helped to cheer me up. yesterday morning i slept past my alarm for the first time (this schoolyear) and missed breakfast. not exactly how i wanted to start offf the week - and i hope vanessa brianna n steph werent downstairs waiting for me. i owe them a BIG apology tomorrow morning. and no breakfast means no lunch either cuz i didnt get to steal cereal. so i had... a banana. and a pepsi. hehe... luckily i ran into liz and she invited me to join her n josephine for extended lunch. knowing me, i would never swipe for ext-lunch by myself cuz the food is all leftovers... but having some company definitely made me change my mind =). dinnered with yune and most of our gang. sara finally developed pictures from last quarter... shes gonna scan them and i'll post some online too. (yes yes i know... the college section is taking forever. keep bugging me about it and i'll hurry up).

today - class at 9... luckily i woke up on time this time. hehe... oh and i already talked to jordan (the compl lit TA) yesterday about my little emergency with the final exam, and he said he'll work things out with the professor and it shouldnt be a problem. so im relieved for the most part =). lunched with crystal and amy... talked about happy chinese music. haha.. went to schoenberg at 12 for a little theory study party at the library just before class. am i the only one who actually did my homework BEFORE the day its due? haha... anyways back in my room now im workin on spanish essay. we're supposed to write a letter to a boyfriend/girlfriend saying i wanna break up. how sad is that!? =/ this prompt sucks haha owellz at least its not as formal so it should be easier to write. actually im doing it now cuz i forgot when its due... either tomorrow or friday. im jus gonna ssume tomorrow and get it over with. so yea... back to work now. byebye!

02/22: soo now 3rd years are guaranteed housing at ucla too, and i'm totally considering dorming again. yea i kno im weird, but i'm actually NOT sick of dorm food (i would soo miss the free teabags and soda! haha). only problem is that dorms are really really expensive. so i guess it depends on how much financial aid i can get. if its like this year, i'll actually have a little extra money every quarter, which means dorming wont be a problem. other than that, the problem is who im gonna room with. i actually do have some choices right now, but to be really honest i think i prefer either (1) someone from InterVarsity, or (2) another music major. this would make life easier for both of us because we can relate so much better. (trust me, i spend all day at school doing either IV stuff or music stuff, or usually a combination of both.. hehe). other than that, my other preferences are people who keep things decently clean (not necessarily as neat as me.. i'm just weird) and also sleep early (or duznt mind me usually sleeping at 11:30-12ish). ohh and i'm hoping (not necessarily though) to live in sproul again (its either sproul or the new buildings, but im sure those are gonna be really expensive, and with only 2nd/3rd years its gonna be completely antisocial). so yea... anybody else need a roommate for dorming? i already sent in my app, but im sure its ok to add a roommate selection (lots of people are adding it later too). so if anyone is up for it or knows anyone who is, pleez let me know! (and again, i'm not necessarily dorming for sure, so if someone needs an apartment roommate and qualifies for wut im looking for, that works too!).

02/21: i guess its been a great longweekend overall, except my mood swings are definitely kicking in pretty hard already... i'm soo sorry to everyone that i snapped at today (and there were a lot of people)... please understand how much im going through, and pray that my heart will be at peace and i can keep myself under control. i hate to admit it, but this is only the beginning, and it may get worse from here. and i guess part of me is purposely letting it be that way. i realized that in the past i try to see so many things as 'humbling experiences', but after a while whatever i was humbled from always comes back, and becomes even worse. i'm really tired of seeing this happen - thinking i've learned my lessons when it's really all fake - and this time i want to make it real. i'm gonna stop pretending i'm happy when in reality i'm hurting. i'm gonna stop forcing myself to be kind when there is no love in my heart. if anything doesnt come from my heart, i dont want it. this is another 'humbling experience' right now, and i know its bigger than any other i've experienced, and all i want is to be completely honest with myself and learn whatever lesson god wants me to learn in full.

sometimes when i have trouble controlling my attitude problems, i also have trouble controling the words i say. i know these past few days i've said a lot that made people very worried, and right now i'm gonna let my heart speak for just one moment, words i know are the absolute truth - No matter how difficult it is to face the coming month, i will NOT cause any harm towards my enemies. the monster is here again, and for the next month he will constantly attack and torment me. but i know that i cannot die, because god is letting me go through this on purpose. and i know that the power of understanding purpose will be strong enough to keep me from doing anything i will later regret. - i'm saying these things now because if things start getting worse, i may no longer be able to give my heart a chance to speak like this. again i'm so sorry for hurting anyone with my words and my attitudes. please pray for my heart to heal and for power to keep myself under control while still being completely honest with my feelings.

02/20: summary of today - brought mom n carol to church in the morning, came back to meet emily at my house and brought her to church... then afterwards was the whole 'indoor picnic' thingy. lotsa great food, lotsa fun. at the end everyone else elft and me steph kathie n ken were playing big2 in the classroom... i won like a bunch of games in a row, then kathie and i switched seats and she started winning and i totally got owned. maybe the piano bench is just bad luck. haha by the way room 208 has a piano again! thanx to stephs family for donating (now that they just got a grand piano... hehe). i still dun know wut happened to the old piano in that room but now im soooo happy, cuz thats the one room thats usually unlocked and i can go in there whenever its not occupied. so yea... rite now im jus chillin in my room again. played some underground already... o by the way i took pictures of a 'ghostcar' i foudn in the city and posted it on Gamespot and people are going crazy over them =). hehe ok well thats it for now. byebye!

02/19: spent much of today at kathie's... first we lunched (me kathie tina emily and emilys lil sister) at hk plaza then went to kathies house to chill and karaoke. i jus sat back n watched cuz (1) public singing isnt something i do easily, and (2) singing to me is a means of letting out my feelings, and when i'm still feeling very brokened, its really hard for me to just pick up a random song and sing along. but i definiteyl hafta admit going out helped me to clear my mind. thanx kathie for calling me last night and for inviting me out today. i feel much much better now =). but then again maybe thats only cuz i'm forcing myself to forget about my problems. i kno its generally a bad idea to simply run away from problems knowing they'll come back, but right now everytime i think about it i'm overcome with anger and lose control of myself, and until i can allow the positive side of the problem to sink in, im gonna save myself some stress by not letting myself worry about it. right now i think i have both positive and negative feelings about wuts gonna happen next month - i know that i've just entered a long period of cleansing during which i will be completely brokened and in tears, but then again i'm very excited to know that after all this will come something greater than every tear i cry beforehand.

howard (cousin) is gonna be living here permanantly now, so today we spent a lot of time reorganizing furniture n stuff so he can use the downstairs room (formerly piano/computer room). and also my moms car needed a checkup... so i went back and forth running a lot of errands... usually i would probably ocmplain, but rite now im jus so happy that i get to go out and occupy myself with some stuff to do instead of sitting in my room playing computer games all day. (yes its fun, but trust me it does NOT work as stress relief). so anyways... guess thats all i have to say for now. tomorrow's the churhc picnic (or if it rains then we're gonna chill at church)... lookin forward to it already. monday im all free, so if u wanna do anything please invite me. i dont wanna spend a whole day sitting in my room letting my worries take over me. if theres nothing to do im jus ognna go back to school in the morning. otherwise i can leave at night. but anyways, that duznt matter right now. im in the middle of vacuuuming my room but the vaccuuum keeps running out of power so im waiting for it to come back.. .and i think its about ready now.

02/18: Journey Update (followup to 2/04 entry):

It's already been almost two weeks since the morning I went to the castle. My meeting with the rulers seemed like a success, but my residence must be reviewed and approved by many before reaching a conclusion, and so the outcome may remain unknown for another month and a half. Unlike what I had expected, this waiting period seems to be one of the most difficult steps of the whole journey. Even though most of my work is done, I find it difficult to simply sit back and believe that God will lead me to victory. I often find myself living my life as if this whole journey never took place, and it is heartbreaking to realize that even after seeing so many miracles, I still turn to God only when I need His help, and depend on myself when things go well. More and more I'm starting to understand my own weaknesses as a mere human. The truth is that I still do need God's help, and even though I have a long time to wait, every moment exists for a reason and can make a difference. It seems like everywhere I go, people are aware and concerned about me, and I know one day we will all rejoice together over my journey's success. But for now, all I can do is trust God and wait patiently.

Earlier today I received a message with news that tore apart my shallow faith - the robber is coming back for me again. Apparently he was not content with my words from our last meeting , and he will return once again to devastate me. What he wants this time are things I consider essential, both for my own well-being and for the journey's success. His message left me furious; I had thought all my hatred towards him was gone, but I had overlooked the power of such a wicked emotion. Right now, I am strongly tempted to fight for revenge when the day comes, and I feel like I have every right to do so. But if I do, I will have failed a crucial step toward the end of the journey. Deep inside I know that my next meeting with the thief will happen only because it is part of God's plan. Until this point I had thought that our previous encounter was my final test of faith and humility. But now I must start preparing for a third and even greater test. At the moment I am still too weak to talk to God, but I know I have not forgotten all the things He had brought me through, and soon I will be back on my feet and seeking his will regarding that most unbearable day. It is still a month away, but it will come just before I receive the results from the castle. Looking back at the past year, I remember it was after the first test that I decided to begin the journey, and it was after the second that the castle's doors opened for me. In the same way, I believe that this third test too will lead to a victory. And if this one is the final test, then the result will also be the final victory - the long-awaited success of this journey.

02/17: i'm ooowwwnning theory!!! 94% on theory lecture midterm (3rd highest in the class), 97% on sightsinging/dictation (2nd highest), 100% on keyboarding/rhythm (go figure). on one of severin's dications i totally didnt remember if the last note was tied so at the end i guessed no and erased the tie and it was right! haha pHeW soo close! =)

so anyways, quick summary of the week - monday night: dinnered by myself, then suddenly steph tara n debbie came and joined me =). and then worship practice, then mor estudying, then took my last midterm tuesday. dinnered tuesday with yune & gang, at RIEBER!! we actualyl left deneve for once! ive been waiting sooo long for them to get sick of the daily routine.. hehe at the end me n vincent rolled oranges down the gutter to sproul =). its so stupid but we were cracking up so hard. iono why haha so anyways yesterday lunched with crystal n tasha, dinner with same gang as yesterday, plus or minus a few. and yes, it was THEME DINNER!!! we went to reiber - azn theme - soo good! not as good as last quarter actualy, but good enough considering it only costs a freakin SWIPE. haha.. the green tea ice cream was awesome, we ate there for like over 2 hours. haha.. spent much of the night in yune's room helping her with chinese homework... ky was there playing orisinal games!! of course i just had to play too. those are the best! that pig-stacking one is sooo fun! haha ok anyways thats it for now. its almost 5... time to get ready to go to worship practice before catalyst. and gosh its raining again, im gonna hafta ride my scooter and carry an umbrella AND my monitor. haha... shouldnt be too bad. just hope i dun get too soaked by the time i get to CS50.

02/16: so i checked my theory midterm score online before going to class. got an 85... decent i guess, but much much worse than i expected, considering i was ranked 17 out of 32. i was pretty disappointed but then i didnt make a big deal out of it, cuz its only a small part of my total grade so it shouldnt kill my overall A. so then i went to class, and lefkowitz passed back the midterms... i missed 19 points out of 100 (the final grade was curved), and 10 of those points were for the definition of "Homophony". i wrote 'two or more voices that are not polyphonic, usually with a homorhythmic texture'. as picky as lefkowitz can get with definitions, this was EXACTLY what he was looking for, but then i lost 10 out of 15 pts. now THAT got me a little confused so i went to ask him during break, feeling kinda stupid since i almost NEVER succeed when it comes to debating about my grade. and then lefkowitz looked at my paper and said he read my answer wrong and then gave me back all 10 points! haha so now i have a 94, rank 3 =). (who were the two 95s!?!? if i didnt mislabel two stupid VII chords i would have been the highest score in the class. SOO CLOSE!! *smacks self on head* but yea... im satisfied enough already though =).

02/15: found out today that there was a concert (tonight) for the ucla graduate composition students - including SEVERIN!! and guess wut he played - accordion!! haha i just HAD to go down to schoenberg to check that out. concert was totally awesome... and no deena i seriously didnt mean to move away from you! =/ dun be mad at me hehe ok so anyways heres a pic:

02/15: forgot to add to my food list (2/14 first entry) - bag of azn sesame fishsticks, 6-pack of apple juice, 12-pack of pepsi. so anyways... as of 12:15PM today, i'm offically DONE WITH MIDTERMS until next quarter!!! *runs around room happily* now i get to laugh at all of you south campus majors.. haha... josephine gave me these 'soy chips' from ackerman... its soo good! i wanna get some myself, but no calvin dont waste money! haha so anyways today in theory we formed an amazing vocal group - Bachapella!!! hahaha its soo great... but our chorale was like insane. thank god we didnt hafta do chord analysis. o by the way i think jonathan said our grades were gonna be up online today. time for me to go check! =)

02/14: soo... its valentines day... single awarness day, wutever u wanna call it. if u ask me, i think the whole s.a.d. thing is WAAY overkilled. for me today is simply a day to think about love and what it really means to me. i dont think i write about this subject much (if at all), but as much of a nerd you might think i am, truth is that i can't possibly survive without love. in fact, i've fallen in love many many times. or at least that's what i thought. somehow over the years i managed to (unintentially at first) always remain single. now as a college student i realize that this claim of purity is something extremely rare, and that only makes me treasure it more. perhaps god has a reason for making me this way...

to be honest, its not necessarily true that i don't want a girlfriend - i simply don't know what i really want. people tell me that i need to date girls to get to know different personalities. to me, the whole idea of a 'date' is all about trying to create a 'perfect' moment, and no matter how many girls i date, i'm not gonna know them any better than i know my closer (girl) friends now. i'd much rather wait until i mature enough to know exactly what i look for in a girl, then look for someone who meets my standards. and when i find her, i'll know for sure that she's the right one. maybe she's someone i'm already friends with, or mabye shes someone i havent even met yet. but for now, all i can do is wait, and all i expect from a girl is a good friendship and nothing more.

sometimes it really breaks my heart when i realize that a friend has a crush on me. its happened several times, and not that its a bad thing, but it simply leaves me at a point where i don't know what i can do. i love her as a friend and i know that if i confront her and tell her i dont like her, it will break her heart. but to say yes would be to make a decision that i know i will one day regret. and it's not even necessarily true that i don't like her - i simply dont know yet. relationships arent bad at all, but for me i simply want to wait until i feel ready before taking any initiative. and when i find out that someone has a crush on me, it often means that when the crush eventually dies out, she will barely talk to me at all, and knowing that a flourishing friendship is not what i thought it was and is soon coming to an end is what really breaks my heart.

i've had many many crushes too, and every one of them eventually faded away. then i become thankful that it was only a crush, because if i decided to take it any farther, the initial passion would still have faded away, leading to heartbreak. for me, love is all about waiting - when i meet someone i really love, that crush will not fade away, and i will be able to wait forever for her to love me back. i've had girl friends who talk to me for hours every day for a few months, then rarely notice me anymore. i've also had girl friends who i knew for years, and even though we dont get to talk often, we know that we are always there for each other. the latter is what i consider love - standing the test of time to know that a friend is real.

it will take forever to write out everything i feel about love, but for now i'll sum it up with a passage from 1 corinthians 13 - "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." everyone heard this before, but not many people take time to think about it. the first three words alone (love is patient) rules out more than half of the 'love' i see around me nowadays. people often question whether or not love is really unfailing - the only real question is whether or not they're talking about true love. a few months ago i went to an amazing wedding- everyone agreed that the couple was a perfect match, and they both waited their whole life and finally found each other. at the moment they had their first kiss at the altar, i found myself in tears, because such a true expression of love is just too beautiful. i dont know what kind of journey god will take me through in my own love life, but i wish that when i meet that special someone, i will be able to give her my whole heart, my untainted romance, and my true love.

for now, love simply serves to help me realize my potential to go outside my comfort zone and become a better person. i hafta admit that there are many times when i fail to exercise the true love that i believe in. but sometimes when i do things for others knowing i'll get nothing back in return, i know then that i have fallen in love - the love that trusts, hopes, perseveres, and never fails. we all have our own views on how love fits into our lives, but whatever love you believe in, and whether you're single, couple, whatever, i wish that you too can discover a love that never fails. happy valentine's day everybody! =)

02/14: just got back from theory midterm... it actualyl went really well, and so did all teh studying yesterday. hehe... so lemme begin with yesterday: church was awesome... emily came!! hehe... i called her in the morning and her phone was off so i totally tohught she was gonna ditch me but then she was already in the sanctaury =). ohh and thanx grace for the pretty heart and kathie for the huge chocolate apple =). which reminds me... i now have sooo much food in my dorm its not even funny.... my food drawer (the big one on the bottom) is literally FULL... lets take a look inside: few boxes of candy and mints (from the dining hall), two bananas, a pack of chocolate, big brown bag of various candies, a little brownie, bag of chinese dried meat snack thingy, bag of dried anchovies (which kat thought was weed when she first saw it), coke candies (thanx kathie! and yes i still have some left hehe), and probably a bunch of other stuff... then this week my mom gave me another bag of azn snacks, plus a box of eggrolls - my favorite! its sooo huge hehe... so yea, if u want one stop by my room =).

so anyways, i got back to ucla at like 3:30... met up with kat and took a random walk to westwood to study theory at lollicup. haha... i made this really really weird comparison between opera singers and sumo wrestlers... haha anywas then kat went to some rehearsal thingy and i went back to my room... chilled and played underground, dinnered with vincent n our usual crew, then at nite tiffany came over for theory, and then we went to pick up kat after her rehearsal and continued theory at tiffanys place til like midnight. yea i kno, i got bak a little later than supposed to, but i guess a few minutes wont kill. at least not for this once. so yea... then today i was in a really weird mood so during lunchbreak i decided to go hiking. so yea, i ate at hedrick. haha.... turns out robert was there too so he just sat down at my table while i was getting dessert. haha it was so random! hehe anyways then went to study more theory, and finally got that midterm over with. wasnt too hard... pretty sure i aced it (if not, then a high B)...

so anyways, riht now im about to start studying again - for my LAST midterm - comp lit (tomorrow). im so screwed... gotta learn dante's divine comedy in one day. haha... and u kno wut really sucks? sparknotes does NOT have paradise and purgatory!! =/ luckily the book comes with summarys for each chapter =). so yea... time to get started, and hopefully all that food next to me will keep me awake!

02/12: (night) back from sacramento... very short trip, but it was totally amazing. so starting from the beginning, we (me mom n carol) get to the airport and after an hour plane delay, flew to sacramento... rented car, and arrived at the mariott hotel at like 12:30 (in the morning). we originally wanted a room with two queen beds, but they only had rooms with one king so we stuck with that. then at the front desk they told us we were gonna have a room with a king bed AND a queen sofa-bed. we opened the door and realized we were gonna spend the night in THIS:

02/11: its raining, and for the first time i'm actually thankful. yesterday i had to walk my keyboard to cs-50 for gospel choir, then back to sproul afterwards, and it only rained (a little) DURING Catalyst... and it stopped when i was on my way back. oh by the way, they keyboard duznt have a case... thats why im so worried. but yea... if it rained last night i would have been sooo screwed... but i brought plastic bags just in case - the bags from sproul SUCK! they look all huge but then when u open it the bottom is stuck together, and when i tried opening it it just ripped! =/ luckily some custodian in the geology building decided to leave his/her cart unattended in the hallway, so i was able to obtain a few of those black heavy duty bags =).

so anyways... spanish midterm went pretty well. i'm really starting to enjoy scootering in the rain with an umbrella... i love the wiiind!!! haha anyways so i know wut you're waiting for me to say - like i mentioned last nite, im gonna be gone this weekend - actually i'm leaving tonight - to sacramento!! carol has some piano competition thingy there (gosh shes soo good now... *jealous* hehe) so we're leaving after dinner tonight (her me and mom), then we're gonna fly back tomorrow night. so dun worry i'll be at church on sunday. actually i have to, cuz i'm playing for c-worship. hehe... then going back to school to study theory with tiffany. anybody else wanna join, feel free to do so... it would be great to bounce ideas off each other. hehe ok so anyways thats it for now. time to go for another drive in bayview (that's the city on NFSU2 in case u didnt know... and yes a lot of people actually go just 'for a drive' and not to race... its a LOT of fun =)) so yea... i'll shut up now... byebye!

02/10: the last gospel choir concert (the christmas one) left me pretty dissatisfied regarding my own part... this week i did everything possible to make up for it, and tonights concert was awesome! so yea i know its just two songs, but everything went smoothly and well. and there were some REALLY hilarious moments... peace was announcing next week's tsunami benefit concert, and shes all "everybody say TSUNAMI!!" and the crowd was all "TSUNAMI!" hahahaha it was sooo random! but anyways, now for gospel choir we have a break, and then gonna start rehearsing for the next event! hehe so anyways... heres something i havent really mentioned at all this quarter - MIDTERMS! yupyup... its finally time. (and yes im actually kinda excited.. .hehe). one thing i LOVE about north campus majors is that all the classes have only one midterm, which means its all in 5th-6th week, then afterwards i can party til finals =). so its 5th week right now... which means midterms started. and u kno wuts crazy? i only have 3 classes, but i have 6 midterms. SIX!! theory itself has three (one for lecture and one for each of the discussions, just like last quarter), spanish has two (one big test that takes two days), and comp lit has one. tuesday was the first theory test (sightsinging and dictation). the dictation was insane!! there were major V/V chords... i was really hesitant but still wrote wut i think is right... hopefully its actually right. hehe... then today was spanish (first part... pretty easy) and theory again (keyboarding... again pretty easy). tomorrow's gonna be the second half of spanish, then monday is theory (the big lecture test).

yea yea i know... i should be studying spanish right now. but theres really nothing much to study for... i already looked over everything for this morning's test, and weekly quizzes kept me on track anyways. but anyways... since theory is on monday, i wanted to make sure people wont be expecting me to study with them on the weekend then getting disappointed when i remind them that i'm an hour away from school. (actually im gonna be much farther than that this week... more details tomorrow). so yea... yesterday after class i went to tiffanys place and got a LOT of studying done. we were gonna pick up kat from schoenberg at 5:15 but the studying was soo intense and when i checked the time it was like 5:35 =/. and kat didnt have her phone... luckily we caught her on her way back to the dorms... again im soooo sooo soorrry!!!! *feels really realyl really bad* hopefully shes not mad at me.. at least she didnt seem mad. hehe so then we went back to tiffanys adn studied and practiced bach chorales, then had dinner - KOREAN BBQ!!! thank you soo much tiffany... it was sooo yummy =). and then we jus chilled til like 9ish. ohh and dont worry, just cuz we already studied duznt mean i'm all ready for the test. and i just confirmed today i'll be coming back to school right after church on sunday (so like 2:30-3:00ish), so anytime after that i can study. heard theres gonna be another big studygroup at annie's... am i invited? hehe ok so yea... thats it for now. time for me to shut up! ohh and to everyone else that has midterms, good luck! =)

02/08: jus got back from gospel choir rehearsal.. seriously the hours of transcribing paid in... but i still have a lot to work on before thursday (concert). so anyways just a random update rite now... yesterday in spanish we learned the craziest word ever - "chlorofluorocarbonos". haha n then theory class lefkowitz asked if anyone in the class was turkish, and kat was all 'calvin...' from the opposite side of the room. wut da heck!? such randomness!!! do i really look turkish? or duz she need to cut down on the smoking? hehehe so anyways fast forward a few hours... worship practice was awesome - i went inside teh bass drum bag again hehe. n then today breakfast with steph vanessa brianna again =) u kno wuts so weird? for breakfast they served RICE... and for dinenr they had WAFFLES. wut daheck!?!?! hahaha so yea.. gospel choir practice was great... we're doing two songs thursday but its soo hard! really fun though =) gotta practice more... ok anyways bunch of IM windows are flashing so i better go answer.. byebye!

02/07: sorry for the late update.. i was gonna write everything in last night's SNU but then i didnt have ANY time to update =/ so anyways its monday (lunchbreak) rite now... i geuss u can call this a belated SNU. so anyways friday - spanish class was really weird cuz the teacher forgot to dismiss us so she started erasing the board and then she turned around and realized we were all still sitting there! haha soo funny... anyways i ran into crystal that morning.. turns out she was comin back for lunch too... so i didnt have to eat alone =) (usually when im here on weekends nobody eats with me cuz they all know im supposed to be at home already)... so anyways then friday afternoon - THREE HOURS of practice... and at last i was ready. that makes um... 10 hours of piano in five consecutive schooldays. wow i have no life. (by the way thats only practice room time.. duznt include worship practice and gospel choir n all that stuff... hehe).. at nite marcus came over n we talked a lot... didnt really talk to him much since um.. orientation? hehe.. so yea then went to sleep early, and saturday morning i ate breakfast (in my room) and went to schoenberg! so this is the part u guys are prolly all waiting for - how the interview/audition went. first of all, there was pretty much no audition... i barely had to do anything! (but i guess thats a good thing... cuz i honeslty didnt feel all that ready anyways). but heres the funniest part - i sign in at the composition desk, and guess whos nametag i see... professor Lefkowitz!! hahaha... so im waiting outside for my turn, and then lefkowitz opens the door... i geuss hes kinda happy to see me, but at the same time he had no idea wut da hailstorm i was doing at the audition since im already in his theory class. so he was like 'hi im david lefkowiitz... nice to meet you...' and pretend he didnt know me... it was soo funny =). then he told the other guy inside that im doing really well in his theory class. he was supposed to quiz me on some basic music skills n stuff... but its all stuff we already learned in his class, so that only took like 2 minutes. and then interview was just a really casual conversation... and then lefkowitz said i could leave and go do theory homework. hahahaha so yea... the whole thing was TOTALLY unexpected... oh and by the way i didnt even hafta take the exam... cuz im already in theory so im exempt =). so anyways then i wandered around schoenberg and finally found kelley! her audition (flute) was like half n hour after mine... she came out of the practice room and saw me n she screamed (i still dun kno why.. haha) and scared the crap out of the guy escorting people to/from the room. so during her audition i sat outside n chatted with her mommy that whoel time.. then afterwards we all came to visit my room.. then went back to eat at tea station. they were playing the first JJ lin cd at tea station =). hehe anyways on the way back home we passed by this foo (see pics below) and followed him for the longest time.. thanks kelley for making me take out my camera when we were in my room... cuz otherwise i woudlnt have brought it home with me. so yea... heres some pics:

02/04: I found myself in a strange new world, not knowing why I was here. My Lord was with me, and He watched quietly as I wandered around trying to find my way. He never spoke, even when I got lost, because He loved me; He gave me the choice to depend on my own knowlege and learn from my own mistakes. Slowly the days passed by, and I stumbled deeper and deeper into confusion, until at last I realized I could no longer continue on my own. Then I asked God to explain why He placed me here.

I received, in response, a series of signs which I could not understand at the time. I saw an object I could not recognize, covered in layers of mud. The hands of God removed the mud little by little, until finally I could get a glimpse of what was inside. It was like nothing I have seen before, and the more of it I could see, the more beautiful it became. God told me the object was my heart, and I could not believe it, for it was so beautiful. Unfortunately, the mud around it were things that I considered precious, and to see my heart in its entirety I would have to give them up. For months I searched and prayed, scraping off the mud that has accumulated over the years, until finally I found myself facing the right direction. I was standing at the beginning of a path longer than what most people have traveled, and far more difficult than what I could handle alone. The path eventually leads to a castle where my heart awaits me. I knew nothing about what to expect along the way, but for such a beautiful reward I was willing to face just about anything.

Suddenly a man came and struck me down from behind, then took off with my belongings. I was angry, but couldn't do anything about it, since he had already disappeared by the time I realized what had happened. For days I grieved over the loss, until at last I was able to accept the truth and get back on my feet. Then I saw more signs - visions of myself in the castle, rejoicing over having been reunited with my heart. I asked God if He would make the journey's path smooth for me if I decided to pursue it. To my surprise, He said no. But He reminded me of the importance of learning through hardships, and affirmed that as long as I followed Him, all things will work in favor of what is best for me. Stripped of all my belongings, I had no choice but to rely on Him completely.

So I began the journey, carefully walking each step of the way, trusting God to guide me. What scared me most was that it was a one-way path; once I began, there was no turning back. I had abandoned my old home, never to return to it again. My only hope is in the success of this journey, leading me to a new and better place than that which I left behind. For months I traveled on the seemingly endless path. Many times I ran into obstacles, but the desire to reach my heart gave me strength to fight and win each battle.

The months spent on the road passed by extremely slowly; all I could see around me was an infinite stretch of flat, barren land. I simply held God's hand and walked, doing everything He commanded me to. And with each day I learned to trust Him more. Sometimes I would feel like the journey had no end, but then I would be reminded once again that I have already made my decision and could not turn back. Each battle I fought was a new lesson to learn, and the more I fought, the stronger and wiser I became. Day after day, I continued to travel, and at last I saw ahead of me a mountain. I knew then that I must not be too far from my destination.

I followed the path up the mountain, not knowing where it leads. Suddenly there was a massive rockslide, blocking off the way ahead of me. I was extremely disappointed, and grieved for days, almost ready to give up. But when I turned to my Lord for help, he told me to climb up the slope where the land has fallen, and I did as he said. Several times I slipped and almost fell, but still I continued ascending. Up to then, that was the greatest lesson of faith I had to learn, and I was reminded once again that God would not fail me; it turned out I had departed the path only to arrive at a shortcut. When I reached the top I found myself in front of a small village. At the center of the village was a castle - the castle where I am to retrieve my heart.

I entered the village and observed its people. They have come from all over the world, and are united here to master a common language. However, I could not consider myself one of them until I go to the castle and ask for permission to stay. And the castle's doors only open during certain period of time each year, so I must wait until the time comes for me to knock. Only after I am granted entry can I speak to the rulers and ask to stay in the village. And in both steps many have been turned down in the past. For the months that followed, I joined the people in doing their everyday tasks, and befriended all who talked to me. Slowly I earned respect, and I learned much about their world through spending time together. The more I found out, the more certain I became that this is the place I belong to. It wasn't until a few months passed that I announced publicly that I'm a foreigner. Everyone was shocked, for seldom does one travel such distances to join them. And my interactions with them have shown that I fit in very well. To those who I knew well, I explained what brought me to their village, and they supported me in my dream to become one of them.

At last, the time came for me to approach the castle. I arrived at the door and knocked, praying desperately that someone would open the door for me. Even though I knew God would not let me down, I was scared, because I have sacrificed all I had for this journey, and if I didn't succeed, I would have no choice but to wait another year for another chance.

As I waited patiently for a response, suddenly a strange figure approached me. I soon recognized him to be the same man that robbed me and struck me down at the beginning of the journey. He told me to follow him, and brought me out of the village to a solitary place. There he laid before me all the things he had taken from me, waiting to see my response. At first, I was extremely angry, and wanted to get my revenge to the fullest extent. But then it suddenly became clear to me - this man could only exist in my journey if God intended for him to. He had taken away my posessions so that I would trust God more, and he had returned to give me the final test. I prayed for wisdom, then told the robber that I have successfully come this far, and no longer need, nor want, to have those things returned to me. It wasn't easy saying those words, and a part of me still felt the desire to fight back. But I was satisfied, for I knew that since I have passed the final test, something good must happen soon.

Weeks passed, and still I got no response from the castle. I began to worry, because the longer it took, the more hopeless it seemed. Some friends suggested that I knock on the door again. I was extremely scared, because if the second attempt would still bring no response, I would know for sure that my journey was a failure. For days I cried over having to face such a day, and when God saw my tears He spoke to me. "Have I not commanded you?" he said. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Those words comforted me, and I forced myself to accept the fact that even if I was to be rejected, it would have happened only because it was God's intention. Then I went to the castle again, and after praying for peace, I raised my hand and knocked. For the next few seconds, I stood amazed and speechless, because right before my eyes, the castle's doors swung open.

I was told to return in 15 days to present myself to the rulers and discuss my residence in the village. I went back and told many about the good news, and they rejoiced with me. In the days that followed, I did everything I could to prepare myself for the long-awaited day. Today was the last day of preparation; tomorrow I will leave for the castle, the way I present myself will determine the success of this journey. As much as I know that God is with me, I must admit that as a mere mortal I am still overcome by fear. But then again, that's what life will always be about - facing obstacles and growing in faith. This journey is only one of many that life will challenge me with, and as I already know, each journey will only be progressively harder. But as I also know from experience, nothing is impossible with God, and as long as I trust in Him, there is no obstacle I can't face. Early tomorrow morning I will leave for the castle, and soon my part in the journey will be complete. It may still be some time before I find out about the outcome, and until then all I can do is wait and pray. But for now, surrounded by the love of God and the encouragements and prayers of many, I am ready to face tomorrow.

02/03: (2 days) im starting to like this whole water hazard thing... at least it helped me get a free orange juice to accompany my dry cereal for lunch. hehe... i actually managed to squeeze in an hour 15 minutes of practice today. i'd say for the most part i'm ready, except i STILL need much more slow practice on the fast parts (for beethoven). thats pretty much about it... Intervarsity was awesome - "soul satisfaction" - we had the USC dance team come to perform and it was amazing... the message was really really good too. and so was the worship. haha... we did "lord you are good" on steroids!! it was sooo hilarious, you had to be there to know... then back in my room kat n tim came over to work on theory. gosh im starting to love these study group thingys more and more each time... seriou5ly, lefkowitz is being ridiculous when he says we cant do homework together. to me its the best way to learn - correcting each other and helping each other understand the material... and its not cheating at all... nobodys giving free answers. well actually, for this assignment, the answers for the harmonization problems are actually in the book! hahaha... read the examples next to the sequence chart, they look almost identical to the homework =). hehe so anyways its like 11:30 rite now... kat n tim just left and i'm jus chillin in my room.. tomorrow is my last day to prepare for audition... wish me luck...

02/02: (3 days) first of all... thanx everybody for your encouragements these past few days. or even if u didnt say anything, thanx for listening to me rant about how nervous i am, and simply being there to keep me company. lets see... monday breakfast with jonathan, dinner originally by myself, then brianna found me and invited me to join a bunch of IV pplz. tuesday - breakfast with the usual tuesday-thursday breakfast gang (brianna vanessa n steph)... ran into mayu on the way to class and walked n talked... dinnered with our typical deneve group =). today - lunched with crystal... dinnered with... waitaminit, what dinner!? so yea there was this whole stupid water outage thing going on. but it wasnt the schools fault and they did a VERY good job of handling the emergency - constant online updates on the latest info and which dining halls would open, and warning signs everywhere making sure nobody does anything stupid... so it kinda sucked at first that after two and a half hours of piano, there was no dinner (and i only bring two dollars to school each week.. hehe). luckily hedrick and deneve opened at 6:30... and yes i actually went to hedrick. cuz i figured the whole world would go to deneve and its already crowded enough on regular nights... so i took the hike. and since they had no water, the soda machines were dead so they were giving out canned soda and water at the door. and all the utensils/plates/cups were disposable... which means (of course) that i didn't leave dinner with empty pockets. finally... got a new batch of those black tea cups.. this should be enough to last me until the year ends =). so yea.. right now the water's all back, even though they're still having this warning that its not safe to drink yet. but wuteverz... i have my boiler working all day anyways =).

in case u were wondering, i'm not intentionally trying to increase my piano practice time everyday. hehe... today was really great cuz i finally feel like i'm making good progress with the beethoven. got most of the details down, so now i just need to practice sloooowwly to get the rhythms to sound accurate. but then again, i kinda expected this to happen, but now that theres only two (full) days left until the audition, i'm starting to worry more and more. tomorrow is basically class from morning til 3... then practice with wutever time i have from then until 5:30 (time for iv worship practice and then catalyst). if i add in all the other things i have to do, i'll probably end up with only a bit over an hour to practice. probably gonna spend all that time doing slow beethoven practice and refining the muczynski a little too (that ones basically ready... just wann amake sure its all memorized n stuff). then after catalyst gonna do theory with kat... and thats about it for the day. friday - whatever last-minute preparation i need to do, its gonna happen between my one hour of class (ends at 11AM =) ) and dinner. by then my computer will probably be off already.. i'll be gone by myself somewhere... so far the plan is to combine my 2/4 reflection with a final prayer for the audition/interview. and yes thats gonna take all night. hehe... then sleep early, and the next morning i will present myself to the music department and wish for the best. *sigh* its still crazy thinking about how far i've come, and how far i still have to go, all for living out god's calling for my life. and yes, i'm very very sore from all the practicing. but i gotta admit, i do enjoy it. sometimes im totally frustrated over not being able to master a few notes that i used to play perfectly a few years ago... but im sure that when i eventually run out of time to practice, god will make sure i'm well prepared. so yea... thanx again for everybodys prayers/encouragements. pleez continue cheering me on just for these few more days... then afterwards the rest of the process is for god to finish =)

02/01: (countdown: 4) summary - pretty much went straight to 111 (one of the practice rooms) and stayed there for two hours. then someone knocks n turns out it was kay! shes auditioning for music ed on saturday... not everyday u knock on the practice room door and find someone u know. haha... so anyways... got back in my room just in time for yune to IM me for dinner =). then after that i had about an hour before gospel choir practice - so i listened to the CD for the seocnd time (haha... hey i jus got it last night ok?).. did wut i could to prepare, then went to rehearse. actually it was really short and we jus played alon gwith the cd for fun... no big deal. but yea, once my audition is over i'm gonna work on these songs a LOT. theres seven of them... we only need two for now, but i'll get the rest eventually =).

so anyways... i find it pretty hard to believe its already february. and as u may (or may not) know, that means im about to enter a period of reflections n memories again. amazingly enough its year four already, and i guess now that all the drama has been over for about a year, all i expect myself to do is take out some time to reflect. and that means im probably gonna be offline very early friday night. hopefully i'll have my piano stuff ready by then. hehe... so anyways its so great that i'm making so much progress these days and at night i have pretty much nothing to do and i can jus chill until its time to sleep. but two hours of piano, an hour of transcribing gospel choir songs, and an hour of rehearsing (plus walking the rs-70 to landfair and back) is definitely exhausting... so i guess i should go sleep now =)

01/31: (countdown: 5 days) summary - spent over an hour at the piano room... its really not even enough. i always believed that the year i spent away from music was not a waste, but rather a sign from god to show me where i can find my heart. and now i understand... after such a long break from piano (classical stuff... worship duznt count hehe), its actually EASY now to sit there for an hour and practice without stopping... and im sure i coudl have gone another hour if i wasnt so hungry. hehe... but yea.. improved a LOT, even though theres still a lot to work on. had a bunch of stuff to do here n there... and i took care of basically all of it, so now at last i can relax and write. its about 11... i think im gonna go for another wave of activity before sleeping - learn gospel choir songs and get ahead on theory homework. at least i can finish part of it... save me some work tomorrow. hehe so yea... i'll shutup now. byebye!

01/31: (11:30AM) on my 2-hour lunchbreak rite now and desperately waiting for someone to eat with me. haha j/k i'll prolly end up eating by myself anyways... so just a little heads up to everybody - dun be surprised if i kinda disappear this week... cuz im definitely not gonna be online as much (if u need me jus call). first of all theres class, plus stuff goin on almost every night (today - worship practice, tomorrow - gospel choir, thurs - catalyst), and on top of that, PIANO PrACTICE. i definitely prefer prracticing in the afternoon cuz there wont be people waiting to use the rooms (especially around now when everyones going crazy over midterms). so yea... its gonna be a pretty crazy week, but in a way im lookin forward to it. working so hard every day, getting more and more nervous, and then finally saturday i get to audition and interview and get it all over with =). anda im definitely gonna try to sleep well and stare at the computer less so i can lose those panda eyes on saturday. hehe so yea... dun get me wrong, its still gonna be a regular schoolweek, so go ahead n talk to me whenever u want... but pleez, spare me the trouble of having to worry about anything more than wut i already have, unless of course its really important, then i dun mind =). and either way, i would LOVE occasional phone calls or IMs here n there jus to encourage me. hehe so yea... enough said. time for me to go eat. byebye!

01/30: late-night SNU... i need to sleep soon but i really wanna get this outta the way. hehe so friday nite carols cellgruup was at our house.. afterwards i talked with grace for like... 2 and a half hours!? its soo weird... we jus talked n talked n talked and then suddenly realzed everyone left already and she didnt have a ride so i sent her home. haha... really strange how much stuff we have in common - we both love reading MSN articles!! hahaha yea weird i kno... owellz anyways saturday - went back to piano lesson!!! surprise? haha probably not, considering its the only time i can possibly get a lesson before my audition (this coming saturday). actually it wasnt as bad as i thought.. still lotsa stuff i need to work on though.

today- church as usual... afterwards i was running back n forth between the childrens classrooms (to get music from kelley), the hallway (to find my mom since the rs70 is on her car), the sanctuary (to find josh who already got the keyboard but needed to know how its set up), the elementary school (to get my car, cuz the power cable is there), and at the same time trying to figure out where to eat lunch. hehe.. yea it was pretty hectic. but ish alrite... afternoon was awesome - went to eat at life plaza with ken kathie n tina... we were there til like 4.. and kathie had hookups so we could get two different drinks for the price of one =). then went back to church to make sure all the keyboard parts are back on my car (since i need it for gospel choir this week), then finally got home and did HOMEWORK. freakin theory homework is sooo long =/. and now we're learning minor modes so its really confusing and it sounds so depressing too! i keep wanting to change it back to major hehe.. anyways joanne sent me n steph back to school and then kat came over to work on theory. and now at last a very long (in a good way) day has come to an end... and its time for me to go to sleep. goodnite!

01/28: forgot to mention one thing on the last entry... i was talkin with liz after the whole turntable thingy and she came up with a cool dj name for me - "DJ Potatochip". dont you looove it!?!? hehehe its so weird but so cool... and unique! =) so anyways... thursday (yesterday) went to IV as usual... worship was pretty good but i screwed up a lot. actualyl we all did. hehe... anita came over at night to play with my keyboard... that was pretty fun =). then today spanish class... scootered in the rain again! thank god it stopped on my way back from class though. so anyways now im back home again... lotsa stuff to take care of, more details on the next update.

01/26: i finally understand why the turntables at sam ash (1/22 entry) wouldnt make any sound... there's no record on it!! hahahaha gosh im so stupid. and u kno how i suddenly found out about it? earlier tonight i ran into liz n she told me there was sumthin cool going on tonight that i would definitely be interested in... when i saw the flyer it was like half n hour before it started... and i was still kinda hesitating about whetehr or not to go. but i went anyways... and it was definitely worth it. i got to spend the next two hours chillin with these guys:

01/25: jonathan decided to cancel the second hour of theory class so we can all go watch some famous musician thingy. paquito d'rivera and sergio & odair assad... professional jazz clarinetist and guitar duo... they were sooo good!!! they had a concert tonight but they agreed to do a free hour of q&a and performing in the afternoon. so our whole class wnet on a field trip across the hallway. haha... it was great though =). so anyways change of topic - ive been playing a LOT of underground... trying to set new records. and my new out run time is 5:73!!! try beating that =). o by the way, im starting to post a lot on the gamespot discussion board now. i write the randomest stuff... mostly about my screenshots. haha... anyways time to play some more. byebye!

01/24:
Open the door, let me inside
Show me the way, open my eyes
You've walked beside me all this time
Please, Lord, don't leave me behind
Open the gates, open them wide
Show me this world that will be mine
'Cause even though I've just arrived
My heart has always been inside

i know i've said this numerous times already, but THANKS to everyone who has been praying for me or encouraging me about my major transfer. today began as one of those days i really didnt want to face.. interviews start this saturday and i still hadn't received any response from the music department about whether or not i qualify for an appointment. i was already on the brink of giving up hope and today was the day i was to go to the office in person to ask them if i qualify or not. of course, part of me knows that god brought me this far and he's not gonna let me go right before i make it. but at the same time i was still soooo scared... this morning i was prayind desperately in my room and god calmed me down with a verse from Joshua - "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." i kept those words in mind as i went to class... after theory i prayed the words in the beginning of this entry, then went to talk with mr. bradley. he asked for my name, and i told him. turns out he actually remembered me from my application... and within the next couple minutes all my fears were quenched - my interview has been scheduled for february 5 at 10:00AM. by the time i got back to my room, he already sent me an email to confirm the appointment.

its been so long since this journey first began, but god was with me since the beginning and he showed me exactly where to go. at last i have arrived at my destination and knocked on the door, and today God has opened it for me. i have only over a week to prepare myself for the interview, when i will seek permission to stay and study music. this will be my final step in the long process of switching majors, and i hope you can continue to pray for me and encourage me (because i know i'm gonna be really scared when the time comes). for now, i'm already looking forward to seeing the great things god is about to do in my life.

01/23: so heres the second half of my SNU picking up from today morning. went to church at like 10:30... cuz now the sunday school classes use up all the rooms so i didnt think i would have anywehre to play piano in the morning. then steph (liang) called n told me she was at church... dangit should ahve known earlier... i really miss the time when me her n jenn would chat for two hours every sunday before service. but yea.. anyways church was awesome... im glad to be back after disappearing for um.. one week. haha... hope u guys didnt miss me too mcuh! j/k anyways... during worship they played 'obsession'... just happens to be my current favorite song, and i swear this whoel week i've been wishing someday someone would play it for worship. thanx robert =). after church buncha pplz went to eat at... CLAIM JUMPER. gosh seriously how rich do they expect everyone to be? the moment i heard i was like 'screw it... im not going'. me n ken ended up going to some little japanesse restaurant in the middle of nowhere... it was really good though =). ran into choe and gilbert and a bunch of chinese cong pplz too. i got curry rice... and extra rice was free (unlike curry house)! *soo happy* haha anyways then i jus chilled at church for a long time afterwards, then came home n packed n went back to school.

then kathie called n asked me to visit her at the ucla hospital (since she was there with her grandma)... now how often do people visit hospitals ON FOOT!? haha... i got soooo lost! the building was all behind the parking structure and i couldnt find an entrance! ended up in the emergency room in the basement =/. haha luckily the security guard person told me how to get to the elevator. took forever to find it though... so anyways then i stayed with kathie for the next few hours... her cousin renee came to pick her up to go home and she offered to give me a ride back to the dorms.. and then AFTER i get on the car she told me i'm going out to dinner with them and i dun have a choice. haha... and i REALLY didnt have a choice cuz i only had two dollars (literally) on me. but yea... we went to california pizza kitchen... ate a lot of food... kathie never got her shirley temple... and the waitress screwed up on giving us change... haha owellz so anyways then i went back to my room and did... HOMEWORK! other than the homework, today seriously felt like my birthday... vanessa gave me little random presents at church (and i LOVE little random presents =) )... then tina n kathie gave me a bag of coke candy (my favorite)!! why are people so nice to me? *feels really bad* but of course i cant say 'im sorry' cuz kathie would get mad. haha... so i guess im not gonna say anything then. *shuts up* =)

01/22: not doin much rite now... might as well start early on my SNU. hehe... so yesterday guess who i got to see... emily!! went to pick her up at dbhs.. and she jus finished hip hop practice (i didnt even kno she was on the team! =/). she made the whole team perform for me! =) gosh they're so good... i gotta learn from them haha... anyways then went to emilys house... helped her with math cuz she had SAT2 today. actually the whole time was like a combination of math and talking and drawing and listening to music and laughing and yea... we're so focused on studying huh? haha got a lot of work done though... and emilys grandma made dinner for me =). yummy azn food... we watched harry potter n the sorcerers stone... believe it or not its my first time watching harry potter! haha well i did see half of it once but it was en español so i fell asleep.. this time it actually made sense! hehe so yea.. got home at like 9:30ish... found out carol's cellgroup was at our house. so of course i showed benben a bunch of my new screenshots... hehe oh by the way i'm making a website of screenshots... it should be online soon! more info on that to come later..

today - i got to SLEEP IN!!! hahaha... dont think did that for like weeks! actually i woke up at 9:30 anyways... but didnt get up til 11. thanx vanessa for calling n making me get up to get the phone =). otherwise i would have stayed in bed all day! so yea... mom decided to take me n carol out to buy stuffs... we went to sam ash music.. .my first time there since they opened (its pretty new i think). such a cool place... i was messing with the turntables! hahaha... i couldnt even get it to make sound though =/. but at least the disc was turning. haha... gotta buy one of those things someday... seriou5ly i still wanna be a DJ! haha ok im weird... anyways then we went to eat at the mall. they had this biiiiig flower display thing going on for chinese new years... so pretty!! shoudl have brought my camera. haha... ohh and there was this old person that was totally fascinated by Hollister but she couldnt find the entrance! she tried each little window but they wouldnt open... then finally she found the door and went inside and came out like 10 seconds later. haha... so anywayz didnt have any plans for the afternoon so i paid a little visit to the secret place on top of my street. same place i go to get cellphone reception.. except since its during the day i actualyl went down the trail. its always great going there right after a big storm cuz everything is so green n soo pretty! and of course it's simply fun biking down that place =). but yea... betty called just to say hi cuz she hasnt talked to me in so long. i was soo surprised... cuz nowadays i rarely get phone calls unless people are either bored or asking for favors... but yea... then i called kathie n we talked for like a long long time... i only left cuz it was gettin cold and i was wearing a t-shirt. haha stupid me =/... didnt get sick though =). but yea.. then played underground for the rest of the evening. so productive huh? theres really not that much stuff to do though... and im still really worried.. cuz i havent heard from school about my major transfter yet. seriou5ly i should know about the interview by now... wuts taking so long? =/. hopefully everything is still working out well... pleez keep praying for me. ok thats all for now... byebye!

01/21: i dont consider tuesday night 'going home' at all, so technically i've been gone for two weeks... and its great to be back =). i jus wanna thank everybody for making this an awesome schoolweek... its really strange for my part, cuz monday was january jumpstart/holiday, tuesday was regular schoolday, wednesday i was gone until my 1PM class, thursday was another regular day, then today i had my usual one hour of class then came home. so yea... pretty hectic i guess... but it seems i got to hang out with so many more people this week than usual... dinnered with bunch of UCC pplz on teusday before i left... wed night ate with the secret santa crew plus like a trillion others.. we were SOO loud!! hahaha really interesting conversations too... oHh and i got to breakfast with brianna vanessa n steph a lot too... we always just spontaneously show up at the same time... great way to start off the day. so yea.. rarely ate alone at all this week. big improvement i think. maybe january jumpstart really did make a difference? i geuss over the past year i gave up trying to wait for people to talk to me after IV every thursday... but now i think its worth a try again. i definitely felt a boost in the way i feel about the community... we didnt even practice worship this week (cuz of jumpstart), so yesterday night we just showed up and soundchecked and sttarted... and if u ask me, i think its one of our best worship sets ever... at least for my part. i guess it makes a difference knowing i have so many more friends in the room than i did before... but anyways, in case u guys didnt get the announcement, worship team auditions for next year are coming soon!! make sure u sign up if u wanna join... trust me its a great experience. o yea by the way, i dont think i ever answered the question of whether or not im gonna stay in worship team next year. so here's the verdict - i know theres lots of people in IV who also play piano and who would love a chance to join the worship team too, so now that my term is coming to an end, i will gladly hand over the spot to anyone else who might want it. and of course, i can always sub if the new keyboardist is busy once in a while... (by the way, i'm still gonna be playing for gospel choir! hehe). if nobody wants it, then sure i'll stay for another year. but im sure theres gotta be a few of you who want to... and please, DONT BE AFRAID to try... seriou5ly even if you dont think ur that good... experience builds on itself, so iff u dont try, you cant really improve... its such a great experience and a great chance to make friends and to serve god. so yea... why am i suddenly babling about worship team? haha weird... anyways im happy now cuz i got BOBA for lunch!! haha first one in two weeks =). yumyum... so yea ok thats all i hafta say so i'll shut up now!

01/20: just checked the harvest crusade website... they have the 2005 anaheim event info already!!! any guesses who's performing this year? (can you tell im excited?) lets see... other than the typical 1000 voice choir and harvest worship band , theres *drumroll* Kutless... i get to see them for the 3rd time! haha... and Casting Crowns. wow... Jeremy Camp... another wow... Crystal Lewis (do u know how much her concert tickets cost?)... Jars of Clay (finally they're back!!) and Delirious (they're back too!!!!) sheesh... all this in three consecutive nights. and its all FREE. is that crazy or what!? July 15, 16, and 17... my calendar is already marked =)

01/19: my mom was only able to send me back to school in the morning if i made it back home by 11AM... and it was EXACTLY 11:00 (and 1 second... literally) when i opened the garage door. so yea... made it back to school for lunch and went to theory class... lefkowitz was surprised i was there cuz i already told him i would be gone. but i guess its a good thing i made it =). so anyways... in case ur worried, everything should be fine now. i'll write about details next time... so this 'monster' did jump up to attack me a couple times throughout the day... but ultimately it didnt win. thank god... and as for everything else, yes there is a cost for me, but then again i'm still strong enough to accept the fact that this cost only exists because god wants it to. and now that its all over, i wonder wut the next big thing is gonna be... perhaps something i would actually look forward to?

01/18: (8:00PM) in a very short time i'm gonna be gone... and this will be my last update until i return (latest is by tomorrow at midnight). tomorrow morning the monster awakes from what i once thought was an eternal sleep. perhaps it will fall before reaching me, or perhaps it will consume me. or perhaps it will come to me, but i will defeat it. my only weapon is the knowledge that the enemy is only a piece of my imagination; if i can stop imagining it, it will cease to exist. only god himself has control over the outcome of tomorrow's events, and whatever happens, i pray that it would be he who made it happen. as long as i can understand that, everything will be ok. it's time for me to get ready now. wish me luck...

01/18: just got back from class... still a little bit of work to do, then i'll be about ready for tomorrow. so some stuff i havnet mentioned yesterday - january jumpstart ended with lunch in rieber... we had a group of like 70... literally! took up the whole private dining room... and at the end we had a FOOD FIGHT. seriou5ly it was sooo funny... at one point there was a freakin TORTILLA flying across the room. luckily i didnt get hit cuz there happened to be an extra pizza waiting on my tray. haha... and dun worry, as a fellowship we're all courteous enough to pick up every projectile left on the floor. hehe anyways afternoon was pretty much all homework. n then kat came over to work on theory. ok so she was on the plane once and met this famous actor guy and this weekend they met again and now theyre DATING. crazy huh? dun worry i dont write about other people's personal stuff on my site... i only wrote this cuz kats gonna end up telling the whole world anyways =). but yea... we had dinner then did more theory. i opened my drawer and had these azn dried anchovy thingys and kat totally thought it was weed!! hahaha gosh wonder wut shes been thinkin about this whole time.. haha then she said my m&ms taste like alcohol. wutdaheck!? hahaha anyways yea so thats about it for now. gotta finish up a little bit of leftover homework, then at night i'm outta here.

so wehre am i going? again, like i mentioned last week (i think), im not gonna say anything about it until its over. so far only my teachers know (since i dont know when i'm gonna be back... latest is wednesday night at around midnight) . yesterday when i was walking back to my room after the foodfight, i suddenly came to a strange realization - perhaps there's a connection between tomorrow morning's events and my entry to schoenberg. this morning after breakfast (thanx brianna vanessa n steph for inviting me =) ), i went up to the secret place again and began a huge brainstorm process that lasted all morning. and now i think it's starting to make sense. maybe tomorrow i will suffer greatly... but after the suffering will come something much greater. and if this is true, i'm looking forward to it already =). anyways... for now all i wanna say is that im still scared, and still worried, and also still a bit angry. i hate to admit that it seems like im trying to play the role of god in this whole scenario... just pray that i can calm down and humble myself, regardless of tomorrow's outcome. for now, that's all i can ask. the rest is up to god...

01/17: i dont really know how to describe my feelings about January Jumpstart... as you may know this was my first time participating in an on-campus conference, and my second mark study (i did mark 1 at catalina). yesterday night during our last study session in haines hall (this morning's was in sproul), i suddenly realized that i had, for a moment, completely lost the sense that i'm still at my own school. on saturday my decision to stay out on campus during free time (rather than going back to the dorms) was a great one - i simply walked around the garden, and those two hours just fleeeew by. its so hard to believe i actualyl spent an entire day (8AM til night) out on campus, and returned to my room only to sleep. and even when i'm wandering around the same campus i see everyday, it seems somehow unfamiliar. i guess it's the feeling that almost everyone there were IV people, and the rest of the campus is almost all empty since everyone went home and there were no classes. even in the dorms things were a lot quieter (since i was only there early morning and late night). i never really thought about making this weekend a real 'retreat' (meaning having almost no connection to the rest of the world), but it definitely came pretty close. yesterady (sunday) was pretty much the same routine as saturday... i kinda wanted to go back to sproul during free time, but then again i was waay too sore (from the previous night's game (see previous post)) to walk up that hill. ended up sleeping in the garden... definitely an amazing experience. sometimes its so hard to appreciate such a routine place without sitting where nobodys around and letting go of all your worries. we had an hour of free time between dinner and night session, and i spent the whole time on a tree. yes, i climbed a tree and sat on the branch. it was soooo awesome... ive seen people study on trees before and mabye one day i'll do the same. so anyways... last night there was no crazy game or anything (thank god... i could already barely walk upright), and session took until 10:30ish. all the mk2 people walked back together, and for us dorm people, we managed to squeeze in some time to chill at bruin cafe, then the sproul tv lounge. played this really fun korean game... i actually lost once and as penalty i had to answer other people's questions about myself. someone asked me if i thought mark study was boring... i guess the group didn't think it was a good enough question, but i did adress it this morning during reflections time. and i'll say it once again, basically the same things i said during relfections. no i don't think mark study is boring at all. maybe i'm just really quiet... partly cuz im just a quiet person, and partly cuz i guess i'm not a big fan of hardcore analytical, textual studying of the bible. i'm definitely more into the interpretation stuff... which i wasnt really allowed to bring up, and thats why i just decided to stay quiet. but still, i had a great time, seeing a bunch of christians debate over our own text, and still coming to the same conclusion that jesus's love is still the same as it was when he walked the earth.

so in these past few days we learned abotu the "upside-down kingdom" of how jesus teaches us to lose our lives to follow him and earn eternal life. jesus said that if anything in our lives are hindering our relationship with him, we are to cut it off. in one story arich man couldnt surrender his posessions to jesus, and couldn't inherit the kingdom of god. in another, a demon posessed boy's father who prayed 'i believe, help my unbelief', and earned his son's healing through faith. honeslty, most of the applications we got out of mark 2 are stuff i already knew before. but it always helps to be reminded once again, and this time the reminders came at a perfect time. i talked with many people these past few days and shared countless times about my decision to switch majors. god called me to cut off my old life and leave it behind to pursue the new life he wants me to live, and that's what i did. i gave up a stable future, i gave up much of my past goals and dreams, i gave up the abilitiy to brag about being part of the ucla engineering program. god took me through so many ups and downs, but in the end everything works for his glory, and for the good of his purpose, and all i could do was thank him and apologize to him for past complaints. i hafta admit despite so many signs taht god showed me, sometimes i still question whether or not i can really trust him and lose myself for him. the mark 2 study definitely showed me time after time that i'm doing the right thing. and it taugth me a new prayer - "i believe; help my unbelief". those were the words on my heart in these past couple days. at this point my application is already in the office, and i should be finding out very very soon if i qualify for an interview. part of me knows that god will let me in, but part of me keeps on thinking about the fact that if i don't get in, my entire college career would be ruined, because of all the risks i've taken. as i was lying down on the tree last night, i could see schoenberg in the horizon, and i kept on saying to myself 'i believe, help my unbelief'. and i believe that if jesus's love is the same as it was two thousand years ago, then in the same way he healed the people who had faith, he will lead me into the music school.

i know i said this earlier during reflections time, but i wanna say it again - thanks soooo much to everyone who encouraged me and prayed for me these few days. it really made a difference. if u ask me for the one thing i got most out of this weekend, it wouldn't be the bible study, or even the opportunities to apply what we learned, but rather the simple feeling of being part of a community. to be honest, the whole past year i've been in intervarsity, i often questioned whether or not it was right for me to stay with this group, because it seemed like nobody would talk to me unless i talk first, and knowing me, i'm NOT the kind of person that would speak up first. even these past few days i still ate a few meals alone, but then again it didn't matter, because i had already prayed that every interaction during the day would be from god and not out of my own will, and so i simply waited quietly, and to my surprise god sent many angels into my life... before this conference i would mingle with the community and look like i was a part of it, but the whole time i would rarely communicate with anyone. now i can actually join the community and expect some people to talk to me, or even talk to them first, knowing they see me as part of the family. i'm starting to be convinced that perhaps IV is going to be a real on-campus spiritual home for me, because through this conference i have built up the confidence to walk into the community knowing i belong. like i said in the beginning, i really don't know how to describe my feelings about this conference. but one thing i know for sure is that it was, for me, exactly what its name suggested - a Jumpstart. a jumpstart to this new year of faith that has just begun. a jumpstart to a new quarter full of new surprises. a jumpstart to my role in the intervarsity community. if these are the things god intends for me to have, i pray that i will not let myself stop right here. but rather i must keep running, as if jesus has just walked into my town and i wanted to be the first one to meet him. and then i would simply tell him "i believe. help my unbelief". and when he sees my faith, my life will never again be the same.

01/15: so we learned sometime in mark study that jesus said 'the last shall be first'. that sure proved true tonight... turns out there was no study session at night but instead a big scavenger hunt! i gotta admit... this was one of the best group games i ever played in my life - organized so well and so exciting for everyone. not to mention who won, but i'll get to that later. hehe so after a whole day of intense study (and meal breaks =) ), we all met at 7 for what i expected to be worship or sumthin... they played this video about some mission to find a kidnapped bear. there were some rules, but at the end they said just find the bear, no matter how you do it. then each group (the big studies split into two groups, i was in mark 2, group 2) ran outside and started the hunt... first destination - sculpture garden - we were supposed to find envelopes with info for the next mission. my group was like the only group left at the end... didnt find anything! we searched everywhere... we pretty much gave up and took random pictures for fun. i was sooo disappointed cuz i hate it when people quit just cuz they dont think they can win. then we figured maybe some group took two envelopes so we didnt have one... so on the way back to ask for help we ran into some very nice 'agents' who told us we were waay behind and gave us the next mission - find some guy in ackerman whos relatives are in the armed forces (or sumthin like that). so we went to ackerman... the other groups were already leaving when we got there. and we never found the guy... luckily we still found out what the next mission was - find a guy at a 'tv patio' in westwood. Westwood!!! we had to go all the way there?? not that i didnt want to... but we were just about to give up and then we decided to go for it anyways (another group already returned from westwood before we left, and some person accidentally said 'ralphs'. whoever it is, i love you so much!) we went to ralphs... sure enough there was a patio with tvs in front of it. and there was eddie! he gave us the next mission - buy donuts and bring them to 'agent homer' at a coffeeshop in westwood. this is where we got smart - we split into two groups and made sure one person from each side had their cellphone on so we could keep in contact (cuz the whole group has to be together at each stop). me iva n brianna (the most enthusiastic ones) scouted every coffeehouse we saw in westwood while the others went to buy donuts first (by the way, every penny spent for the game was provided by the staff =) ). found albert hiding in a corner (wearing all black) behind coffee bean... we called the group and went to albert with the donuts - turns out he's not agent homer!! ò.ó but he did help with a hint - agent homer was at the far south side of westwood... the coffeehouse starts with a p. so we split into two groups again and ran south on different streets. found ryan (agent homer) and gave him the donuts. another team was there too, so turns out we werent THAT far behind anymore. next hint - go back up to albert and give him a german sausage (from u-dog). once again, split up, got the sausage, brougght it to albert. next mission - wynn (how to spell his name) is in an arcade waiting for challengers. we were gonna run to the ackerman arcade then remembered there was another arcade in westwood (on our way back)... so we wnet there.. sure enough there was a big mob gathered around the cruisin usa game... so guess whos the one on my team that plays racing games all the time? haha... i think he let us win on purpose (to keep the mission going) but still... got a CD that we had to play somehow. we were soooo close to the end already so even tho we were soo tired, me n iva ran n ran n ran and got to the deneve lab to use the computer and play the cd. the lab was closed! ò.ó we wnet in dykstra and iva found someone sitting on the bed listening to music on her laptop and asked to borrow the computer to play the cd. i thought she was ivas friend but turns out shes a total stranger! haha she was nice though =). played the cd, got next mission - find a payphone (in the dorm area) with a specific phone number, and use it to call another number to get the final clue. me n iva called the rest of our group and gave them the number too... then we went up to check in rieber. actually we called the payphone first, but whoever picked it up must have been from another team cuz they told us to find the phone ourselves =/. no luck there... meanwhile the rest of our team was amazing enough to find out the payphone was in covel. they ended up using a cellphone (with number blocked) to call the second number and say they were calling from covel. totally worked... next thing u know, they called me n iva and told us to meet them at the deneve turnaround. eubanks was already there in a car... with the final mission! bunch of little hints, basically meaning '449 landfair' (the IV apartment). we even had a password to get in (it was 'toilet'). haha... we were all running cuz we knew we were so close (even thouhg we knew other groups must have beat us to it already)... so we get to the top of the tower and followed ab unch of directions, including choreographing a dance on the spot. hehe... so anyways then the ytook out a box and opened it... and there it was... *drumroll* THE BEAR!!! we were the first group!!! you should have seen us at that moment... it was soo unbelievable. took a while to actually let our victory sink in. we were soooo in last place at the beginning and we were gonna give up so many times. and the most amazing thing was the teamwork - everyone contributed... some people knew where the donut, coffee, and sausage shops are... some people were willing to run ahead... some people were smart enough to get that whole payphone thing worked out... and at the end our teamwork brought us to victory. the whole mission took about TWO HOURS. eventually everyone else arrived and we all crashed at 449 and talked about our adventures... a few people thought it wasnt fair, but the rules clearly said 'just get the bear, duznt matter how'. and if u think we cheated, it turns out the junior group DID take two envelopes!! hahaha... we just played by the rules... followed each mission until the end. ohh and some people actually asked if i run cross country. now THATs hilarious... u guys know how much i suck at athletics... come on, i even ride a scooter to class!! hehe.. so yea... that was one of the most incredible nights of my life. and it helped me bond with my group, which is one of the things i wanted most from this whole retreat thingy. praise god for a wonderful bible study and a wonderful experience of teamwork and victory. and of course, GOOOO MARK TWO!!! hahah... ohh and if for any reason i dont show up on time for breakfast tomorrow, someone please come to my room and lift me out of bed, cuz i'll probably be too sore to get up!

01/14: jus got back from first session of mark study. so far im really enjoying it... honeslty im not the analytical type of person at all... i guess u can say i was kinda obligated to go. but i really do learn stuff from it each time and its so great watching christians debate over their own text and come to a deeper understanding of the truth. and im getting to bond with more IV people... thats sumthin i wanted to do for a long long time. its only gonna get more intense from here... cant wait to see wuts gonna happen in the next few days. for now i jus wanna mention that since the sessions run for most of the day (with meal breaks in between) tomorrow and sunday, chances are its gonna be hard to reach me cuz i wont be online (until i get back at night) and my phone will be off... but if u need me pleez do leave a message (cuz thats the only way i'll kno ur lookin for me) and i'll answer during the next break. hehe so yea... everyone at church/home... dun miss me too much! its just one weekend... i'll be back next week =).

01/14: denise came over to do theory last nite... we did like half a page then ended up chatting n listening to taiwan radio the whole time... ohh n she threw candy at me =/ haha this morning was my first spanish quiz... it actually wasnt all that bad. and we got to leave early when we finished. todays a really weird day... since im staying on campus theres soooooooo much free time its not even funny. went to the secret place this morning for the first time this week. my plan is to go there on a regular (maybe almost daily) basis, except all the rain and stuff made it really inconvenient so i just did solo time in my room. today really reminded me of last year - chillin at the secret place in the morning, then going straight to class. so since i got out of class early i went to chill at the sculpture garden too... gosh i luv that place, especially during a middle-of-nowhere time like 10:35AM when theres barely anyone around. ran into spanish classmate stephanie on the way back n we walked together... she lives in sproul too so were gonna study together next time! hehe anywayz then lunch - as usual i dont bother asking people to eat with me anymore... when i feel like going i just go. and since i have soo much free time today, guess where i went. (hint... it starts with an H). yupyup... i challenged myself to the Walk (to hedrick)! hahaha wasnt all that bad really... colleg epeople are just way too lazy. its kinda cool cuz every face at hedrick is unfamiliar (since i rarely go there and they rarely wanna walk down the hill to eat too). and of course the 'walk' downhill is pretty much taken care of =).

so yea... that was just a random update entry. nuthin much going on this afternoon... well actually kat gave me a song to learn on piano and we mite rehearse that a bit. other than that im all free til dinner. hehe... and tonight - january jumpstart!!! seriou5ly i dunno wut to expect, but hey everyone says its good so i'll take their word since im registered anyways. hehe ok so i guess thats all for now. lemme end with this - i saw it today on the way back from spanish:

01/12: pretty good day overall... kat called me lin the morning when i was brushin my teeth n my phone wasnt on yet... then i called bak n we did theory homework and then when i checked the clock it was like 8:50. i had class at 9. first day of discussion. CRAP! haha thank god for scooters =). i was like one minute (literally) late... TA was cool about it, and lotsa ppl were later than me anyways. hehe lunched with crystal at 11... wednesdays the only day we can lunch together this quarter so of course i cant miss it! hehe ran into lisa at deneve so she joined us too =). theory class was totalyl awesome - i love ronkomatic harmonizers!!! is there gonna be a harmonizer 3 for minor modes!? hahaha i cant wait! after class talked with denise in the hallway for like an hour (literally)... hehe i love that feeling of having friends to talk to after class... almost feels like highschool again. hehe... chilled in my room in the afternoon... dinnered with deena n her friends. i jus finished helping a gazillion people wiht essays. hehe... apparnetly theres another wave of college apps due or sumthin. wuteverz... i only applied to UCs so i wouldnt kno.

anyways quick update on upcoming schedule - u may recall me mentioning that im staying at school this weekend... yes indeed i am. hehe... cuz im gonna do january jumpstart (conference mark study thingy) with IV. i really do feel bad for missing so much activities (even though i still generally reserve friday thru sunday for home). i'm gonna go this time.. hopefully its good. just regestered last night (i didnt have a form, but amazingly enough ryan n hannah showed up in my room with a form =) ). so yea... thats gonna happen friday thru monday. but u kno the really weird thing? i gguess i'm gonna be going home sooner than i think. for one night (tuesday) that is... its one of those things im not gonna talk about until everything's settled. im rather disturbed by it rite now, and ive been really disturbed for the past couple days. some of u who knew me well/long enough might recall the "operative" mentality i once embraced. i've long abandoned that old lifestyle... but right now that same feeling i used to have is already at the tip of my tongue, and next week i'm either gonna swallow it or spit it out. not my choice, but whatever i do will be in the name of justice, even if it costs myself harm. im not gonna go into details until its all over, but pleez pray that whatever is true and fair will win...

okee.. now for something i'm actualyl looking forward to - tomorrow baldwin and a bunch of church pplz are comin over to visit! and tey're gonna go to IV =). i cant wait... hehe.. this quarter is so much ebtter cuz class ends at 3, so i can actually go to my room and chill for 2 hours, EAT DINNER, and THEN go down to CS50. anyone wanna eat super early (5:00) with me? hehe... ok well i guess thats all for now. i'll shut up and start answering all those flashing IMs =)

01/11: turns out IV smallgroup is gonna be on mondays starting next week... so no meeting tonight. couple minutes after the last entry, jessica n crystal invited me to join them to take a walk. turns out they were walkign to Westwood. haaha long walk, but i dont mind at all. seriou5ly... thats one thing i hate about second year - by this point everyone's so used to college life that theyre always lazy and sitting in their room all day not wanting to go out and have fun. theres still so much to this city (and even the campus itself) that i dont know yet, so i have no excuse to be lazy. so anyways we got ice cream at diddy riese... we shared a medium mint choco chip (one of few flavors i would actually pay for, cuz the dorms dont have it. hehe). i think there was something weird in that ice cream cuz afterwards we all got sooooooo high! it was so weird.. we were running n skipping n singing the whole way back to sproul. hehehe i jus finished spanish homewerk in my room. i really like how this class works... daily homework, not that i enjoy it, but it keeps me on track and duznt let me slack off. hehe... ohh and im playing nfsu2 rite now and ive been doing the same Outrun for over an HOUR. not kidding... im gonan screenshot it when i win (yes im gonna win) and it shows my time. hehe... ok anyways thats it now... gettin ready for bed. byebye!

01/11: "heavy rain"!? stupid yahoo.. haha its a good thing tho... i was soo happy to see the sun today... and soo surprised too! so i went to class in the morning... gosh i LOVE my scooter!! seriou5ly... now that it stopped raining everythings a lot quieter, and i realized my scooter makes almost NO sound on the road now! it used to be really really loud... turns out the entire problem was that back wheel. now i can actually go down bruinwalk without everybody turing around and staring at me cuz im so loud =). theory class was awesome... i like my new discussion group even thouh im gonna miss my friends that are in the other group... but we can still study together! =) hehe the new interval/dictation stuff is funn... seriou5ly i like it =). challenging enough to keep me awake but not too hard that it drives me crazy. ohh and i talked to denise for the first time today.. she was like totally confused about why i wanna switch to music major. haha... but heyy even if i dont switch, i mite as well drop out of school, cuz at this rate i'll get kicked out of engineering sooner or later. anyways... liz n tom were chillin in my room today... i found out one of my floormates is totally addicted to nfsu2. havent met him ebfore... but hopefully i will soon =). hehe... ok thats all for now. time to enjoy some tea! o wait... forgot one thing. as of this week, calvin's tea station just got a major upgrade!! hehehe i now use powder creamer rather than the Puzzles ones! that means less stuff to jack, and also less worry about it not being refrigerated. hehe... alrite im gonna enjoy my french vanilla now. bybeye!

01/10: (night) oniion flava met once again =). shannon made it back from sri lanka unharmed... but please continue praying for all the tsunami victims... shannon was soo close to being caught in the tsunami, and she had some totally amazign stories... anyways after practice me n steve got drinks and chilled at the puzzles lounge... talked about a lot of stuff, mostly about worship... i learned sooo much. gosh im starting to love this group more and more. seriou5ly why is it that everytime im about to leave a group (its the last quarter) i start to get attached to it? haha actually wait... am i leaving? hmm... i dont know yet. one thing for sure, gospel choir still wants me to play for them =). as for worship team, honestly i dont wanna leave, but at the same time i want to give other people the chance too. but either way i'll still be with IV and willing to play for worship anytime needed (as long as im on campus that is). for now, i cant really decide until after the auditions (i think its like 3rd or 4th week?)... but either way, like i mentioned on my end-of-year reflections survey, i dont have particular goals for being in the worship team, because for all i know this is just one piece of the puzzle of my shift to music, and i'll accept wutever goals god has in mind when he placed me in the team. so yea... thanks steve for a wonderful convo =). great way to end an already wonderful day. ok its midnight now... resolution #1. haha... time to go shower then sleep. byebye!

01/10: yea yea the rain sucks... but it really duznt matter when everything else seems to go perfectly. scooter is working great... in fact it doesn't even rattle anymore like it did before. settled my problem with the spanish department in about 30 seconds. got my housing payment extension done successfully. and guess wut was the FIRST thing professor lefkowitz said when class started... "calvin, i have a PTE number for you". WOW... i didnt even get a chance to ask for it yet! (and i dont know why he pointed me out first, even though half the class still needed PTE numbers too...). i was so glad to be back in theory... havent had that kind of feeling in a long time. its sorta like high everyones looking forward to seeing their friends in class after winter break. i knew almost the whole class already... and people were so nice to me. yea i know, 2 hours of theory lecture is really really hard to sit through. but i'm already waay beyond satisfied right now. looks like i have a promising quarter ahead of me =)

01/09: wow... havent done SNU(sunday night updates)'s in a while. i guess now's a good time to start again. hehe so yesterday i went to the auto show with ken. amazing show this year... so much good stuff. took a gazillion pics, i'll prolly post a few on here (main page) when i have time. the rain sucked though... soo hard to drive, and especially cuz we parked so far away and had to walk to the car. ken brought me to church to pick up my car (cuz i was there in the morning for worhsip practice) and guess wut... the gate was locked!! it was like 8PM. wut da heck!? i guess they stopped having SNL? luckily the security guard was home so he let me borrow the key (thanks soo much! =) ). then me n ken ate dinner at garden. so yea... obviously spent a lot of money in one day. sunday (today) was a bit better.. jus one meal (at quickly's). church was really great... played for steph's worship team. we did the CD intro for 'oh praise him'... messed up a bit the first time but we did it again for closing and got it PERFECT =). afterwards went to eat with kathie and tina.. played big2 the whole time, i actually won quite a few times. hehe... we were really loud n stuff and the gurl working there told tina to stop smoking!!! hahahaha itis cuz there was cigarette smell but actually it wa scoming from outside... and they thought it was us! haha.. anyways then we all went home... i jus chilled in my room the whole evening. the wierdest thing - my mom suddenly wanted to go eat at banana bay!! hahaha so yea we went to eat. i got my first BOBA since um... last year! actualyl before winter retreat... that wa smy last one. and since i might stay at school this weekend (i'll explain next time), i wont have one for another two weeks. so i was desperate. hehe... anyways rite now im back at school again. first full week of class. im actually looking forward to it =). theres a lot of stuff i need to get done tomorrow - take care of some financial aid and housing payment stuff... talk to prof. lefkowitz cuz i missed class on thursday... he should still let me stay cuz i heard they didnt do much on thursday. o and i gotta talk to the spanish department about staying in my current class. yes i know... they're trying to kick me out again. surprise? not at all =). in fact i've been waiting for this moment for three months. gonna have a talk with ernesto tomorrow, and as much as the department likes to trick me with their unclear prerequisite rules, i already have a petition that he signed himself last year, which i didn't put to use only because the classes were full, even though its their fault to start with. so yea... im looking forward to having a little talk with him. it should be nice and easy... nuthin to wrory about. other than that, i guess im kinda looking forward to seeing my result for applying to music. if i pass the first step (the actual application), they should notify me within these next couple weeks, pretty likely this week. im still kinda scared.. hope there wont be any problems. but one problem right now is the rain. seriou5ly im soo sick of it already. i already made the decision to go on doing everything i usually do in the sun, regardless of the rain. that way i have nothing to complain about. yes, i'm still gonna use my scooter. and yes, i did say that it broke last ffriday. i was gonna buy a new one, but it wont arrive on time... i NEED it tomorrow to run back and forth, otherwise i'll be late to classes, take half an hour longer to walk to the spanish office, and starve for lunch (cuz i only have an hour... not enough time to walk up, eat, and walk back down). luckily i actually managed to fix my current scooter to working condition - WITHOUT paper stuffing =). if u wanna see wuts wrong with it, heres a pic:

01/07: yesterday - floor dinners are back! hehe... i was so surprised... we had like 20(more?) people... couldnt even take the elevator. and then at nite went to bruincafe with yune sara emily swathi n vincent. today - rain, rain, rain. u kno wut i totally forgot this morning? my scooter cant touch water =/. cuz the wheel was screwed up and i fixed it with paper stuffing... so if it got wet then the paper woudl shrink and the wheel would collapse and i would fall. so yea... gave it a try this morning. made it down bruinwalk and died in front of the ashe center. gosh i swear i wouldnt have gone to class if it wasnt the second day (and the fact that spanish takes attendance). this is my first time going to class in the rain (seirou5ly... i ditched every time before.. hehe). its actually fun riding one-handed and holding an umbrella with the other. and luckily when the wheel died i didtn fall cuz it was so wet that it jus kinda skidded slowly to a stop. but yea... now i need a new ride. as u may know my jdbug is a european import.. which means its gonna be near impossible to find another one like it =/. im trying to find an american (Razor) equivalent... the A3 is really good but its not good for carrying load (books, amps, etc) and its waay too expensive (cuz its the newest one). i'll prolly end up settling with an A2 or AW. found some decent deals on ebay already... gonna do a bit more research first though. so yea... u know the weirdest thing? remember my first scooter (the blue one that i had when i first went to college)... it was never all that great, but it lasted me thru first quarter and finally ended its life on a day when a great miracle happened (1/9/04 entry). that was friday of winter quarter zero week. and guess wut today is... friday of winter quarter zero week. scary huh? i cant believe my jdbug lasted me almost a full year (i bought it used too). amazingly enough, my calculations work out to say that alltogether the jdbug saved me about 150 miles of walking - thats about the distance from los angeles to san diego. i gotta admit ive grown really really attached to it over the past year and i'm really sad to have to say goodbye. but i still find it hard to believe that both scooters retired on the friday of zero week. perhaps today is supposed to mark some great miracle too? we'll see about that =)

01/06: 90 new pictures in two days. how's that? sorry for the long delay for the last batch of pics... i tried to make up for it this time. yupyup... u prolly kno wut i mean. Winter Retreat pics are online!! go check them out =) (and since i got the pics on tuesday night, technically its two days. hehe)

anyways... today was the first day of class. i actually really enjoyed it. im totally excited about this quarter... kinda scared at the same time, but thanks to the prayers and encouragement of everyone, i'm getting more and more confident every day. this quarter i'm back in spanish 3... it was a really strange feeling - same hallway even some same classmates from the class i got kicked out of last quarter. and now i'm back with a petition already signed and i'm actually enrolled and not waitlisted. ohh and i heard i missed the first day of theory. haha... nobody told me there wa sclass today - its supposed to be discussion and we dun even kno the room numbers yet. owellz prof. lefkowitz should understand.. cuz i wasnt there in the beginning of 20A so i didnt know how the system works. but its ok i'll show up on monday and i shoudl be fine.

one last thing before i shut up - i know i didnt really make any new year's resolutions... usually i prefer to make quarter resolutions, cuz each quarter is really a new beginning (new schoolyear, new schedule, new clsasmates, whatever). theres a lot of stuff im gonna try to do this quarter... heres a few i can think of now -

(1) sleep early on a regular basis (on schooldays). i'm thinking 12:30 latest... 1 under special circumstances. yea yea i know im a party pooper.. but owellz. maybe u dont care about ur own long term health, but i do. not jus that, but its really so much easier to get work done in the morning. so much less tempting to procrastinate or be lazy or anything. so yea... pleez be nice and dun try to keep me up late. of course i'm also learning to be more flexible at times... like when people need my help i dun wanna use sleep as an excuse to not be there for my friends. so yea.. enough babbling on this one
(2) resume "solo time" on a regular basis. i did it last year for two quarters, and it changed me sooo much. last quarter i didnt have time, but now i wanna do it again. my classes dun start until 10 (9 on wednesdays)... so i can easily get up an hour earlier, eat breakfast, AND have solo time. its a great way to start the day...
(3) pay attention in class. i usually draw to stay awake... but nowadays its getting addictive and i draw right when i sit down in class. im sure i can do better if i try... gotta actually take notes for the first time. hehe...
(4) *unofficial resolution* spend more time with school friends who can help me grow spiritually. its unofficial cuz i'm not sure exactly how this is gonna work, even though i know i need it. im jus kinda sitting back and letting god take care of it for me... it might mean more commitment to IV, bible study, etc... and no dun get me wrong, im not saying i'm leaving my old friends. u guys are all awesome... im jus trying to find some people i can relate more to since u all kno i'm really wierd n different. hehe
(5) *unofficial resolution* make some money. seriously i need to catch up financially instead of just watch myself spend all of my savings. maybe i'll continue ebay business again... maybe i might actually go for a real campus job (since my schedule kinda allows it. its either add one more class or get a job. i'll see whichever one works out bettter).

ok... thats all i can think of now. if u can please support me in trying to reach my goals... and making sure i dont get lazy midway through the quarter. and most of all please continue praying for my major transfer. tomorrow the apps are officially due (i already turned it in on wednessday), which means they'll be evaluating it very soon and letting me know if i quality for an interview (thats the next step). i'm still scared.. but like i mentioned before (01/01 entry), this year is gonna be a year of faith. and i'm gonna try my best to make the most out of everything i have this quarter.

01/06: wow... yesterday was crazy. In-n-out for lunch with crystal sean kevin susie. at night emily IMed me to go dinner at 5... then a minute later crystal told me we're goin to curry house for jessica's birthday. tough decision especially since its the first day back at school. so guess wut i chose. BOTH! haha... ate with emily sara and ky at 5... then came back and went to curry house afterwards. dun worry, itsnot the first time i had multiple dinners... but if it werent for the fact that dorm food is pre-paid, i would never wanna spend twice as much money on one meal. so anyways... curry house was pretty insane.. we had like 12 people. walked to the bus stop, took the bus to olympic, then walked to the freeway and to the other side where curry house is. as usual the food was great. and as usual i got my extra rice =). met a bunch of realy funny and cool guys... it was past 10 when we got back to the bus stop (on westwood). and u kno wut sucked? the bus didnt sho wup... so we thought we might have passed the bus hours already. u kno wut taht means!? walk for over an hour - uphill!! we started walking n then saw this bus coming from far away so we all ran across the street to catch it. luckily we did... so we only walked like 15 minutes. anywyas then we all chilled at 233 for a while. jessica sent me pics already.. from today and yesterday, plus the ones i took yesterday. those should be online soon, as well as retreat pics. hehe but first of all, there's one pic i wanna post... its from the way back after curry house

01/05: u kno... winter break this year actualyl didn't seem all that short (even though last year's was almost twice as long). i did just about everything i wanted to do - hang out with friends, finish my apps, go to winter retreat, play in the snow, and cherish every moment of the break. well maybe i slept in a bit too much, but other than that it was great. and i got to talk to some old friends that i thought probably forgot me already. met some new friends as well... and through so many awesome conversations and interactions i learned a lot myself... all in all i think this is one of my best winter breaks so far. now i'm back at school ready to welcome a new quarter. and yes i'm actually ready - some people either love school or hate it, for me i simply incorporate it into my daily life and continue to be myself. last quarter kind of kicked off with a rough start... lets hope that wont happen again (i enrolled in spanish 3... not wait listed =)... and if they try to kick me out, i have my petition from last year).

so anyways, major change of topic - the auto show!! by this point the're either still setting up the show or already finished, and the website (which i checked every day cuz it says 'check back daily') is STILL kinda behind. owellz... guess i'll hafta see for myself when i go on saturday. if u kno any website or place i can get a good update on wuts gonna be at the show pleez lemme know. o yea and really random thing - on teh way to school this morning i saw a volvo limo. WHY would any (sane) person want a volvo limo!!??!? come on... gosh this world is so messed up. haha ok anyways i'll shut up now byebye!

01/04: totally awesome day =). so my apps are all done, i'm pretty much all packed and ready for school. so this afternoon i went... ice skating!! hehe cuz its jessica's birthday tomorrow! (actually its 11:59PM rite now... im gonn IM her and be the first one to say happy bday =) ). okee done that... she's away but hopefully she gets my message. hehe so yea i originally couldnt go ice skating cuz i had to stay home n help my mom... but she was sooo nice and tried really hard and got someone else to sub for her class so i could go. (thanks mom!! =) ). went to pick up jessica n maryanne... then went to marias house and she brought us to the disney ice place. we wnet like 2 circles around the building before finding the entrance and not missing it. hehe... so yea this was like my 3rd time ice skating (once for rebecca's bday long long long time ago... and 2nd time with church)... kinda forgot how and took a while to pick up... but still as usual it was SOO FUN! feels like im flying even though i suck. and the saddest thing is that all the lil kids are all going super fast and doing tricks n stuff.. and they prolly think we're retards =/. owellz at least we had fun. hehe... took pictures on the ice too, i'll post them soon (by the way, thanks ken and samuel shru-shru for sending me winter retreat pics... im almost done picking out which ones to post (i think i filtered it down to 90)... should be up online soon!). gosh tomorrow when i wake up my feet will be soooo sore! owellz... just hope i'll be able to walk into sproul. hehe... so then 5:30 finished skating and came back to walnut... jessica wnet to tutor some kid that came from taiwan... meanwhile i had my computer and i worked on retreat pix. then went to maryannes again... met with her and al and we went back to disney! ahha... no more skating tho... it was like past 8 already. about time for dinner huh? yupyup... rainforest cafe!!! seriou5ly its like the most well-decorated restaurant ever... just by looking from outside. there was one seat where theres this huge gorilla that keeps on making noises at u... kinda weird. but luckily we didnt sit there. we chilled in the gift shop place for a while.. met brandon who came from uci (his break is almost over too!).. went in to eat... food was expensive but good. that big Volcano dessert thing was sooo cool! its like huge... we could barely finish it. took lotsa pics there too =). so yea... that was my day today. sorry for disappearing (in case anyone expected me online cuz im always on)... i didnt decide to go until last nite. but yea... wonderful way to end my break. and again, happy birthday jessica! =)

01/02: yesterday - worked on app most of the day.. went to eat dinner at night at this chinese restaurant thingy on fullerton/colima. same place i went with the chens n liangs last time... their service is actually better (thank god).. oh and it was really cool cuz first i go there and run into ivan (from troy)... then i run into nick and angela & family... then madelyn alan & family... and another table with some ah-yees and shru-shrus from church. gosh i felt so popular... had to wave to like half the restuarant each time i got up. hehe oH and then steph liang called me for the first time in forever... talked for a long time... then steph lin called and asked me to do *drumroll* romans6!! wow surprise huh? havent talked abotu that in a while... but yea i still remember it, and she still remembers hers... and now we're gonna start new verses. so anyways.. talked on the phone by myself in the middle of the azn plaza for a long long time (cuz everoyne else already left and went home)... and why didnt i go home? DDR party at kathie's!! yupyup... so me kathie n tina meet again.. and this time I KILLED THE MONKEYS!!! stupid level... finally beat it!! time to work on monster.. hehe

today - so i was SUPPOSED to play piano for chinese group during offering, except they decided to put offering BEFORE communion, so i missed it both services =/. it was really awkward.. owellz. church was great today.. at least for the most part. kinda sucked to know that they didn't show the red team video yet cuz caleb was in vegas. hopefully next week? positive side - got to talk with steph liang again... i miss the time when she n jennifer alway scome early and we jus sit there n talk for an hour. and tiff tai came back too! i thought she disappeared on me =/. hehe and to make things even better, kathie and tina came to church too!! kathie went with me to english service, tina went with my mommy to the chinese one. funny how they're all friends with my mom too. hehe... kinda cool actually. afternoon - worked on apps. porfolio is ALL DONE now... personal statement is pretty much done, unless i decide to make any more last second changes. questionairre is almost done... i wrote a rough draft already, jus gonna copy it on the form tomorrow. im gonna call mr bradley tomorrow to see if he wants me to mail it to him or to give it to him when school starts. either way, tomorrow morning i'll be all done.

so anyways.. for most pplz winter break is over. for me i still got a few days (haha.. suckers!! hehe j/k ).. so heres the plan for this week so far - had to cancel tentative plans for UCSD and disneyland cuz (1) i need to be home to make phone calls n stuff about switching majors.. (2) my mom needs help with stuff at home.. and (3) theres a lot of big things happening this year and i cant afford to just go out and party all day and let school start before i'm ready. so yea... dun get me wrong, i REALLY want to go out n have fun.. i can still go hang out (short time) though... like at nite or afternoon or sumthin. we'll see... anyways im going back to school wednesday morning - anyone wanna go lunch in westwood like last year? (i still remember last year i lunched with jen van and danny (jens friend)... and today danny left a comment in my xanga so i guess he still remembers me! hehe). this sounds kinda crazy, but i'm still gonna come home this weekend (friday noonish probably) ... u kno why? hint - happens once a year... 3rd biggest of its kind in america... los angeles convention center... - any guesses? *drumroll* goin to the AUTO SHOW!! yupyup... anyone wanna come with me? like last year i'll be going saturday at around noon and staying til night or however long it takes for me to finish. i'll prolly hafta stop in the middle to recharge my camera AAs again. hehe that was fun last year tho. so yea if u wanna go with me lemme know okee? hardcore car freaks only please... trust me if ur not as crazy as me ur gonna be soooooo bored. my mom learned from experience. hehehe ok anyways i'm done babbling for now. time to go sleep. goodnite!!

01/01: my 2004 reflections - i've been way too busy to really sit down and think about this past year, but winter retreat definitely helped me do that. on monday before midnight everybody in my cabin was playing poker and i decided to go outside n walk around... i was like da only one outside (and i was also one of the first ones to see the snow when it first started =) )... and it seemed like i had the whole forest to myself. such a beautiful moment... at last i could put my world behind and reflect for a while. thats one of the biggest lessons i learned this year - the importance of reflecting, which many people nowadays dont pay much attention to. like elijah mentioned at the retreat, u can't really 'learn from the past' unless u actually remember it and pick out its strenghts and weaknesses. i definitely learned to benefit from my own experiences... for reasons i still don't understand, i gradually developed a really revengeful attitude towards lots of things... and my own pride caused me a LOT of trouble, both at school and at home.. several major events, including my first car accident (3/25), caused me to realize my fault and humble myself time after time... it's a lesson that takes forever to learn, but is still worth fighting for. i felt so much guilt only because this year i learned to connect with my own heart through a daily 'solo time'. last year's winter retreat prompted me to buy rick warren's 'the purpose-driven life' shortly after winter quarter began... and in the next two quarters i set aside about an hour each day to isolate myself in a secret place and study the book. this helped lead me to the answer i had been searching for - god's direction for my life. i slowly came to the difficult conclusion that i was to drop engineering and switch to majoring in music. at first i wasn't quite sure if i was doing the right thing, but god showed me enough proof to confirm that wut i'm doing is right. by the time my freshman year ended, i already made the decision to switch for sure. it was at that time that god truly showed me his love by hooking me up with so many people and opportunities to grow as a musician... i joined the newly-formed claymusic ministry which gave me some of my most thrilling performance experiences, and through it i met jacob, who taught me so much more than i could ask of anyone. in the summer i didn't go find myself a job like everyone else did, but once again god had his plan. i ended up with opportunities to work and get paid up to 3 times a usual student's summer job salary, which means i only had to work a few hours a week to earn all the money i need. and with all the extra time god gave me countless opportunities to experience music from a maturing perspective, so that by the time school was starting again, i became more passionate than ever about my future major. the new schoolyear kicked off with unexpected problems that could have resulted in me losing my full-time student status and also losing my financial aid (10/12 entry), but the battle became a lesson of faith, and at the end i got to enroll in classes that i would have otherwise not known about. i joined all the music majors in theory class, and not only made new friends, but got a glimpse of life in schoenberg. and the more i learned, the more certain i was that i was meant to be a musician.

on the last night of winter retreat, everyone went around praying for each other, and after many people prayed for me i realized that, for the first time, my church truly understands my heart and my needs. when i went to college it seemed like everyone associated my name with a typical college student, and prayed for the same things that all the other college students need. i felt like when i was with college groups, i didn't really belong. all i wanted to do was show them that i'm simply a human like everyone else, and i shouldn't be generalized with any group of people since we're all created to be unique. this time it definitely worked - everyone understood my heart and my needs, and prayed accordingly. many people prayed for me to have faith - that's exaclty what i need. as of now my application is almost all finished, and in the next couple days it will be mailed out. but as certain as i am that i'm doing god's will, i still fear being rejected. elijah mentioned the need for a hero in this generation, and i was surprised that more than one person firmly told me that i would be that hero. what that really means will be revealed to me when the time is right, but for now i believe that i can be a hero as long as i have faith and continue to chase after my heart. all the things that happened this year can be best summarized through romans 8:28 - the same verse that carried me through many of the hardest battles i fought this year. "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." the year 2005 for me will be a year of faith - a year of letting god write my story,believing that only he knows what is best for me. everything happens for a reason, and only by accepting god's plan and having faith can i become a hero.

01/01: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!! to kick off 2005, i added four new wallpapers from (any guesses?) alpine meadows! beautiful snow pics.. makes me wanna go back and live there forever. hehe but anyways go check them out.. hope u like!! so wut did i do to celebrate? i spent like 4 hours at kathies house! why? for one thing i wasnt really in the mood for big parties.. and i didnt quite wanna go to church cuz the english congregation seemed to be having trouble agreeing with whether or not there was actually gonna be a new year's event. my mom was doing worshipteam for the chinese group, so she had to be there at 7.. (and i was supposed to play piano except they werent sure if i could practice, cuz i was at retreat all week, so they got josh to come back all the way from vegas! im soo sorry! =/) kathie was home all by herself, but actually she could have been at las vegas meeting celine dion after the big concert! she had VIP passes n everything and she was supposed to go with her mom, except she stayed because we were supposed to go hang in the afternoon. i told her i woudl call when i was free... except by the time i woke up and accept the fact that it was gonna be a weird day, it was already too late. that's why i felt sooo bad for waking up late. at least we got to meet at night anyways... went to pick up tina too. we played DDR... theres this one monkey level that i hate soo much cuz i cant beat it. hehe.. tina beat it at the end but i still didnt =/ owellz maybe next time. hey that can be a new year's resolution too! hehe then i left just in time to go back to church to catch the countdown, and it turned out kathie n tina wanted to come too! =) actually there were more english congregation people than i expected, but i dun think they had any kind of program planned. kelley wanted me to go to the downstairs sanctuary n play phantom of the opera on the organ. haha actually i kinda suggested doing that, but not right after the countdown! some shru-shru (or even pastor chen) would probably come and yell at me =/. hehe so anyways tina n kathie got to meet my mommy too! =) hehe.. chilled for a while after the countdown then we all went home. so yea.. i jus wanted to write a quick update to kick off the year. hope u like the pretty wallpapers... happy new year agaiN! hehe... goodnite!