06/30: As with any Thursday, I woke up early, ate breakfast, and spent eight hours staring at a computer screen in the office. Fortunately, today was probably the most relaxing day at work I've had in at least several months. And as a little icing on the cake, someone working in the same business plaza as me just got a brand new Lamborghini, which I'm staring at right now as I write. Other than that, the day seemed no different from any other typical weekday. But from the moment I woke up this morning, I knew deep inside that it was going to be an extraordinary day.

One thing I never quite grew up from is the excitement of knowing that the day is a special one, whether it's Christmas, a UCLA visit, a long-awaited Disneyland trip, or a journey to a faraway place. Of course, this applies to birthdays too. I've long outgrown my childhood mentality that my birthday should be all about me just because I'm a year older, and I definitely don't expect a bunch of presents to open as if those were the things that make the day most memorable. But even while I was at work, I couldn't help but keep one of those child-like, excitement-filled smiles on my face, even though nobody there knew why.

Many people ask me why I never plan anything fun on my birthday. Yes, I can throw a big party and invite lots of friends over, and I'd be glad to do so regardless of the occasion. But planning my own birthday party would simply be drawing attention to myself by hinting to everyone that it's my birthday, and suggesting that they bring me a present or two. It's not a real gift if I have to ask for it. Even with the big Independence Day BBQ party coming up in a few days, I know that most of the people there will either forget that it was my birthday, or not even know it to begin with. And that's exactly the way I want it to be.

I've had to make many sacrifices for the sake of pursuing genuine, quality-based friendships, and it's on days like this that the effects of those sacrifices become most noticeable. I gave up dozens of birthday wishes from my friends and chose to let them forget. I gave up the oportunity to feel incredibly popular and chose to be the one that often goes unnoticed. In a world in which people are constantly shifting important things in life from their minds and hearts to machines and gadgets that would make it easier for them to remember, I chose to remove all of those external things, knowing full well that by doing so, I would only come to see more and more that many people who I wish will remember me will probably do the exact opposite without even realizing it. In fact, I'm quite amazed at how many people I talked to recently clearly hinted that they would give me a call on my birthday, but still ended up forgetting. I'm neither complaining nor blaming them, and I'm not going to let something as small as a birthday change the way I think about anyone; after all, I was the one who chose this lifestyle and stuck with it for so many years. There were thousands of words I could have said and things I could have done that would make this day appear so much more exciting and eventful. But I chose to not say a word. And right now, I can't be any more confident that I have done the right thing.

Today brings to light not only the extent of my sacrifices, but also the incredible fruits of joy that come from them. When I switched on my cell phone during lunch break and started listening to my voicemails one by one, I knew instantly that I was truly blessed. There's nothing like the joy of knowing that there are people who remember me even when there's nothing in this world to remind them of me. And even just a brief moment of that joy is strong enough to overshadow all the sacrifices and inconveniences that made it possible. To me, birthdays have always been a golden opportunity to give others a glimpse of my heart and let them know that they are loved and remembered. And I'm overjoyed each time someone calls me for that very purpose. These friends don't keep me in their computers or cell phones, but rather in their hearts. And with that in mind, I can't possibly ask for a better birthday present.

I've always felt that it's awesome to have a birthday that cuts the year almost exactly in half. Each time a year is halfway over, I also get a chance to reflect on another year of my life. This past year has definitely been filled with exciting adventures - I discovered BSF, landed a new job, experienced God at Grace 2010, made my first solo trip to Nor-Cal, and reunited with friends I hadn't seen or talked to in many years. Most importantly, I did each of those things with a thankful heart, letting the realization of how blessed I am escalate the feelings of joy and excitement inside me to overwhelming levels.

Turning twenty-six doesn't exactly make me feel young. But at least there are many memories from this past year that keep me connected with my inner child - sitting in a kiddy ride shaped like a blue whale, having a snowfight in a field right next to a freeway, riding my scooter to catch footage of exotic cars, and much more. Besides, several of my friends who hadn't seen me in over a year told me I look exactly the same. Yes, I'm another year older, and there are a lot of beautiful memories in the past that are becoming more and more distant as I take on more responsibilities assocated with people my age. But if life is really all downhill from here like so many people say it is, then why would God allow me to live here still? Surely He wouldn't just abandon me on earth without a purpose. Surely there are many more journeys to embark on, blessings to enjoy, and memories to make! Just one quick look back at this past year of my life tells me that there must be so much more in store for me. Maybe that's why I've never failed to experience that precious, childlike joy each time my birthday comes around!

In this past year of my life, I've changed in ways I couldn't even have imagined at this time last year. And only God knows what my life will be like a year from now. Will the same people who said "Happy Birthday" to me today do so again next year? Will I still go to the same church, work at the same office, drive the same car, stare at the same computer screen, and live in the same home? What new lessons will I learn? Which people will have the greatest impact on my life? What difficult challenges will I face and grow from? I can only try to imagine where this road of life will lead me in the next year; after all, no matter how hard we try, there are still countless things that are out of our control. I may not be able to stop time, but I do have a choice to make the most out of the time God has given me. So as I step into a new year of my life, I pray that I will eagerly welcome it, whether I'm wrestling with pain or soaring in celebration. May God continue to write my life stories according to His will. I look forward to this time next year, when I will once again look back at all the adventures that have taken place and be completely blown away.

06/26: I can't believe it's over. When I woke up this morning, it seemed like everything that happened yesterday was just a dream - all the bright flashing lights, cheering from the audience, and energy from a great show put together by a team of truly amazing people. Sure, we all made a good share of mistakes on stage, some of which were much more noticeable than others, but in the end, I couldn't have asked for any better. I emphasized many times during our practices that we couldn't merely depend on following charts and memorizing bar counts because the excitement (and fear) of being on stage would certainly result in scenarios that would require more teamwork than anything else. And I'm very glad that after countless hours of rehearsing, we've not only learned our own parts well, but also developed a team dynamic that allowed us to communicate on stage and enjoy making music in one spirit.

First of all, I must give props to the incredible sound/stage crew at Bovard Auditorium. I find it funny how this is probably the nicest thing I've ever said about Trojans as a group, but seriously, they were definitely one of the best crews I've worked with. From setting up everything to patiently meeting all of our needs to staying on top of things throughout the show to helping load stuff to/from the car, they allowed things to go smoothly before, during, and after the show. I was amazed at how little troubleshooting we had to do, and how we actually had enough time to do an almost complete run-through of the set, not to mention enjoy a relaxing dinner, before the concert started. I've always believed that a concert is much more than what's happening on the stage - there are always people in the back who need to be no less focused than those on stage, whether it's to play videos, adjust the sound balance, control special effects (lighting, fog, etc), or just be there to notice when any last-minute problems arise. And last night we really got to experience the result of a great team, both onstage and offstage.

Of course, I must also thank everyone in our own group that put in so much work and effort to make this concert happen - we not only had talented musicians and dancers, but also talented directors, coordinators, communicators, and planners. Despite not being in the spotlight, they probably put in more work than the musicians on stage did, and the show would definitely not have been possible without their help. Sure, there will always be room to improve, but what I know for sure right now is that last night's concert was a huge step up from the previous show (summer 2009) in just about every way possible. We're all growing together and learning together, and I'm truly amazed at how this show slowly came together, from a bunch of random little ideas to the huge performance that people got to see last night.

I have to say that Rajeev is very, very blessed, not just because he is such a talented musician and has the means of putting on such a big concert, but also because he has so many friends who are willing to come together and make sacrifices to turn this concert into reality. Honestly, how many people in this world can recruit so many people with so many talents who are willing to voluntarily devote so many hours to work toward a single goal? Still, as I've said many times already, in the end it's not about one person, but the whole team. Even though we all have different opnions about how things should and should not be done, looking back now I just feel so blessed to have been a part of this journey. Seriously, who the heck gets to alternate between sitting in an office for eight hours a day and performing rap music on weekends? What an exciting life this is!

There have been many times when I wondered if having a gazillion rehearsals was really the best way to help us prepare for the concert. After all, there were many things that we could have done much more efficiently. But I must also say that those rehearals were a heck of a lot of fun - I really believe that if we wrote down every single random idea we came up with while jamming when we should have been working on the songs for the concert, there would be enough content for Rajeev to start recording his fourth album already. And considering how many close calls we had on stage last night that could have led to disasters of epic proportions, I really think all those hours we spent practicing and having fun played a crucial role in helping us to read each other's minds and dodge each curveball that came our way.

And of course, looking back at the journey that led to last night, we can never forget that random (but priceless) opportunity we had two months ago to perform at Universal Citywalk for KIIS FM. That show ended on a slightly disappointing note - we did our best, made good music, and had fun, but ended up earning nothing close to the respect we deserved (4/15 entry). That night taught us all an important lesson - if we're going to make truly good music that comes from our hearts and has the power to make a positive difference, there are going to be lots of people in the world who are against us. The world wants us to conform to its standards, be people pleasers, sing songs without meaning, and put money and fame above our passion for music. But we're capable of so much more than that, and that's what last night's theme of "Endangered Species" was all about. We may be few, and all the odds may seem against us. But if our music serves to please the almighty God and make a positive difference in the world by touching people's hearts and reaching them with honesty, then who cares about what the world thinks?

From the fast songs to the slow songs, from the Michael Jackson medley to the Justin Bieber parody, from the poem to the tap-dancing solo, I'm sure there isn't a single one of us who regretted working hard to make this show happen. I have had the great honor of being there with Rajeev at the very beginning of the "Endangered Species" album to arrange the tracks and contribute my ideas, and to hear the finished album and be able to perform the songs live in front of a thousand people is really an indescribable experience. I don't know when I'll be able to see all these amazing people that participated in this concert again, but I sure hope it will be soon, whether it's to perform, to jam, to record, or just to hang out. The fact that there's still so much room for all of us to improve, both as individuals and as a team, only leaves me more assured that there are much greater things in store for us in the future than anything we can imagine right now.

In closing, I wish and pray that all of those who came to the concert last night will not just remember the tunes and beats, but also the life-changing messages found in the songs. I pray that we may have the faith and courage to live as an endangered species that finds so much meaning in standing up for the truth that it makes no sense to conform and follow the world. And I pray for all of those who contributed to making this concert happen, that God would continue to help us nurture the talents He's blessed us with and use them to change the world. It has been simply amazing being a part of "Endangered Species". I can't wait until the next show!

06/24: The time has finally come. Tomorrow's the big concert that Rajeev (G-VO) and probably at least a few dozen others have been working so incredibly hard for. Since I'm in charge of bringing both of the keyboards I'm using (my own plus one of the studio keyboards), I decided to assemble the whole setup in my room earlier tonight and have a little fun playing with it. I really wish I have more time; one of the days, I'm gonna save up money and buy a second keyboard, and enjoy the luxury of having two stacked keyboards to mess with simultaneously whenever I want to. But for now, it's time to stay focused on getting ready for the show.

It's always a bit frustrating to realize that even though we're arriving at the auditorium super early tomorrow, chances are there will be a whole bunch of problems from moving equipment to hearing/seeing each other that will take hours to fix. But we've already done our best, and at this point all we can do is relax and hope and pray for the best. We're gonna be putting on a huge show, but even more importantly, we're making music with purpose - music with messages that can change the world. And having spent countless hours praying, discussing, planning and practicing, the only thing left for us to do is have faith that God has seen our hard work and will do as He sees fit at the concert.

Tomorrow when I wake up, it's gonna be time to start packing everything, loading them on the car, and getting ready for the show. It's been an amazing journey from helping Rajeev with arrangements in the album to hearing the songs come to life, and now being able to perform them live in front of a thousand people. God has blessed all of us tremendously in so many ways - singing, rapping, writing, playing instruments, dancing, planning and organizing, and many many other things. And it's time to gather all these talents together and give our all to deliver an amazing performance that is meaningful, entertaining, and glorifying to God. I believe that tomorrow's show will not only be fun, but will also touch hearts and change lives. With all that in mind, I'm really, really looking forward to it.

06/20: Another random lunch break entry. I remember a few years ago when most of my friends who are my age finished college and got their first "permanent" jobs while I just floated around in my own little world of music and tutoring. It seemed like the biggest complaint I heard from my friends with office jobs was the lack of regularly occuring holidays like Spring Break or Summer Break. The education system has taught us all to think in terms of semesters and quarters, and around this time of the year, it's always weird to realize for the first time that while so many people around us are enjoying time out of school and going on vacations, our lives in the office will continue as if nothing has changed at all. Ironically, most of those friends who got their office jobs before me and shared their complaints with me will be enjoying a rather relaxing summer this year; either the economy has worked against them, or they simply decided to move on a pursue other things in life. It's reallly crazy to think about how God writes our life stories - this year, I, a music major with pretty much no office experience at all, get to exprience a "routine" summer for the first time. It's going to be very interesting seeing what this feels like.

One thing that really makes it feel like summer to me, though, is the fact that my students are all done with school. In the past half a year or so, I've been able to remain committed to tutoring them weekly despite my busy schedule with my "real" job. But even though I've received several opportunities to tutor new students this summer, I've declined them all, since I technically quit already. My commitment to tutoring only remains with the students that I was already teaching when I got my office job, and even if I'll be doing any tutoring at all this summer, it will only be, at most, once every few weeks.

I must admit that even though my intention has always been to slowly phase out of the tutoring business and eventually quit completely, it's quite a strange feeling to realize that it's actually happening. Recently I read an entry I wrote around this time last year to wrap up what I felt was another successful and fulfilling schoolyear of tutoring. I was quite surprised by the positive attitude I had at the time - despite all the frustrations, much of which eventually prompted me to want to quit and find a new job, I managed to see so much of what's on the bright side that the problems were overshadowed. And to be honest, reading that entry really made me miss the old days a little bit.

I find it funny how, ever since I got my office job, almost all of my students have been surprisingly cooperative when it comes to scheduling, knowing that I no longer depend on them to fulfill my financial needs. One student's parents decided to make a last-minute cancellation on a day I specifically confirmed numerous times that they wanted me to be there on (since I could have made other plans that day too), and considering the way I approached the situation, I wasn't surprised when they called the following week saying they didn't need me anymore. Honestly, it was their fault, and it was their loss. Last year's Time of Change has taught me that sometimes I must have the courage to say goodbye and not feel guilty for things I'm not responsible for, and it would be wrong of me to keep on playing nice and letting people mistreat me when I had every right to speak the truth. But other than that once incident, this past semester of tutoring has been almost flawlessly smooth.

I really believe that if my tutoring job was going this smoothly at the beginning of the schoolyear, and if people treated me with the kind of respect and consideration they give me now, I would probably still be a full-time tutor right now. And I must admit that thinking from that perspective makes me a bit disappointed to have given up what I had spent so many years investing in. But at the same time, I know that it would have been impossible for things to be so good back then, and the reason is that I didn't have the courage to make it happen. I was too weak to express my feelings, too desperate to say no, and too foolish to make sacrifices and take risks. Those things have been my weaknesses from the day I began the job, and if I chose to continue being a tutor, then today those weaknesses would still be holding me back. The only way I could grow was to quit and move on, and no matter how much there is to miss about the life I once lived, I still believe that there's no better place for me than where I am right now.

06/17: The cops are everywhere! Yesterday evening while driving home after work, I saw three of them within the same little stretch of Colima, and two had already selected their victims. I always find it funny (and a little annoying) how, when there's a police car present, everyone starts driving like 20 mph below the speed limit. Sure, we've all violated traffic laws before and carry at least a little guilt in the presence of law enforcement officials. But unless you've just robbed a bank and are in a rush to ship the goods to Switzerland before getting busted, there's really nothing to worry about. Besides, if the cop car is already on the side of the road with blue and red lights flashing, chances are he's already occupied with someone else and will not pay attention to you unless you purpose ask for his attention.

As I came closer to the lights flashing ahead of me, I was tempted to press my horn a few times to let the fools in front of me know that they're driving at about half the speed they should be moving at. Then, when I finally came close enough to see what was going on, I realized that I was wrong. In fact, I not only slowed down, but immediately pulled into the nearest parking lot and got off the car for a closer look.

The cop had pulled over a Ferrari.

Now that's something you don't see every day. Well, not that Ferraris are "everyday" cars to begin with. But after having encountered thousands of exotics cars during my car-spotting adventures, this was my first time seeing one get in trouble with police. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if someone actually conducted a study to prove that cops prefer to pull over everyday cars over exotics. First, if the Ferrari driver decided to floor it, he could probably escape. (After all, as with most exotic car owners, he was driving around with a dealer plate). Also, chances are he's rich enough to have a lawyer and can make sure his DMV record always appears as white as snow. Yes, this is a very corrupt world. And the cops know it just as well as the rest of us do.

Just seconds after I grabbed my camera and got off my car, I knew the Ferrari was gone already - not because I saw it leave, but beacuse I heard it. This was definitely one of the better-sounding F430's I've encountered, and the owner wasn't afraid to get noisy, even right in front of the cop who had just pulled him over. The sound was loud enough for me to track it down a few blocks later and get some pictures and videos at its destination, which, unsurprisingly, was the nearby Hing Wa Lee Plaza. The owner was smiling and didn't seem bothered at all by the fact that there was an annoying Asian kid running around shooting his car.

Still, this incident really makes me think about life from an exotic car owner's perspective. Yes, it's a great privilege to be in the upper tax bracket, whether you were born there or you worked your way there. But living a special life definitely comes with special consequences. It's not a good feeling getting pulled over by a cop, not to mention being humiliated in front of all the rubberneckers slowing down to stare at you. If I were the victim, I would wish that those rubberneckers would either have the courtesy to just ignore me or feel at least a little sympathy for me, knowing that I'm probably not having the best day. But when you get pulled over in a Ferrari, chances are you won't get much of that. In fact, people will slow to almost a complete stop, stare at you with mouths wide open, and take pictures of you to post on all the car enthusiast forums so that everyone will be able to see you in all your busted glory. Just imagine the thoughts going through their minds. "He deserves the ticket with such a fast car". "Who cares, he's so rich that the ticket means nothing". The nicest thing people will think is probably, "that sucks".

It really does suck, doesn't it? You could be having the worst day of your life, and the only thing people care about is that you're driving a Ferrari. Heck, you could be standing along the side of the street with your supercar totaled from a crash, and as long as there isn't any blood or fatalities, people will feel no shame in staring at you in amazement, taking pictures of you and your car, and daydreaming about how many YouTube hits they're going to get... just because you drive a friggin' Ferrari.

But now that the truth has been explicitly exposed, is it going to change anything? Probably not. Those who can afford Ferraris (and enjoy driving them) will still buy them. And those who can't afford them will still stare at you like you're a celebrity. The simple truth is that if you're different, you will be noticed. That's just the way it is. Heck, if I were in America half a century ago, people might be taking pictures of me just because I'm Asian. But now that Rowland Heights is like 99.9% Asian, it's hard for an Asian guy to stand out... that is, unless he's driving a Ferrari.

Unsurprisingly, the Ferrari owner I encountered yesterday was Asian. And he definitely had his share of attention, regardless of whether that's a good thing or not. When he saw me taking pictures of his car at Hing Wa Lee Plaza, I don't think he realized that I had just seen him get pulled over a few minutes ago. But still, he didn't seem the least bit unhappy, and left me with a loud, powerful acceleration to put on YouTube. Maybe such glorious engine sounds have a therapeutic effect. Or maybe he really does love attention, even if he's not having the best day.

Or maybe the cop had only given him a warning. After all, if I were the cop, I wouldn't mind pulling over a Ferrari just to get a closer look.

06/11: It's that time of the year again - students are out of school, the weather is (supposed to be) warming up, and the Fourth of July is just a few weeks away. Of course, what better way to celebrate Independence Day than have a nice, tasty barbecue? That's right, you guys know what I'm taking about-

Independence Day Barbecue Party
Date: July 3, 2011 (Sunday)
Time: 5:00PM - whenever
Location: My house (in Walnut)

This year's summer BBQ party is back to being on Independence Day Weekend. Sure, it's not actually on July 4th, but that's probably a good thing considering many of us have to return to work the following morning. And besides, I'm sure we'll still catch a few fireworks shows courtesy of those who, like us, choose to do the partying in the weekend. As usual, grillmaster Ken will be in charge of the food. For those who haven't been to our Grill 'N' Chill's, this ain't your typical patty-in-buns barbecue. We're talking about the real, quality stuff, good enough that there's really no need for any buns. Go look up pictures of previous barbecues, or talk to someone who knows - they'll tell you what I mean. So come on over on 7/3 to enjoy the food, hang out with friends, meet new friends, and relax under the beautiful California sunset.

Hope to see you at the party! Please RSVP no later than Wednesday, June 29 - I need to know how much food to prepare!

06/08: I've been thinking a lot about how, when work is heavy, my boss and supervisor often decide to bring their work home to do, or even come to the office on weekends or holidays. Maybe this is why Chinese people tend to do so well in business. But if so, I really don't plan on being a part of the stereotype, no matter what my skin color tells me. Yes, it's important to earn a lot of money and make the business successful; even just as an employee, I know that it feels nice to be working in a company that's doing well. But there's a time to work, and there's a time to play or relax, and unless it's absolutely necessary, the two really shouldn't overlap. Yes, it's not uncommon for me to review the things I learned at work while I'm at home, and considering that I'm still quite inexperienced in the field and need to learn quickly, it's not a bad thing. I'm not unfamiliar with showing up to the office on weekends or working more hours than I'm "supposed" to when circumstances call for it. But even so, there's a limit. I don't see my job as "work for the sake of work"; I'm the kind of person that can find pleasure in the randomest, smallest things, and adding to that the fact that I'm starting to see more and more of just how much I've been blessed with, it's hard for me to not find at least a little joy in the office, even when things get tough. Still, there's so much more to life than sitting in front of the computer all day long. And that's why, while most of my co-workers seem pretty content with spending their lunch breaks at their desks, I'm rather quick to finish my food and come outside to take a walk or sit in the car and write entries like this one.

It's really sad to see how people today often forget the importance of rest, whether it's because of the pressures of modern American society or the success-driven nature of Chinese culture. There must be a reason that God created humans with a need for sleep and rest. In fact, He set a perfect example at the beginning by resting on the seventh day after creating the heavens and the earth. Sure, God probably doesn't need to sleep for eight hours a day. But the point isn't that He needed to rest, but rather that He took the time to stop creating for a moment and simply enjoy the fruits of what He had done. It's the same thing with working in an office - what's the point of working hard and earning money when there's no time or energy left to enjoy the results?

Sometimes I feel almost a bit rebellious or irresponsible when I step out of the office while everyone else is still there. But hey, why call it "lunch break" if it's not even really a break? People who knew me from college may recall that I was the kind of person who really enjoyed Finals Week. Sure, there's a lot to study for. But once I've done my part, why stress about the things I can't control? It always makes me sad when people agree to take a break from studying and enjoy a meal or some snacks, but continue to keep their minds in their books while "resting". And it's amazing how hard it is for people to grow up in this area, even long after finishing school.

Ever since I was a kid, my mom has taught me that the best students are those who not only work hard and get good grades, but also have enough time left to play. Last weekend I was talking with a friend about how some people prefer to work now and play later, while others prefer to play now and work later. It may seem like working now and playing later is the wiser choice. But let's be honest - we really don't have as much control over our lives on earth as we'd like to think. We're here today, gone tomorrow. With the blink of an eye, this life as we know it may cease to exist. I would hate to spend my final breaths regretting how I spent my life working so hard but never had the chance to enjoy it. And of course, choosing to only play now and save all the work for later probably won't get me very far in the long run. That's why it's so important to find a healthy balance. Sometimes when I'm walking back to the office after lunch break, I feel like I have almost forgotten that I had just spent four hours in the office and have four more hours to go. And that's definitely a good thing.

When I'm on lunch break, I take walks, drive around, visit some nearby shops, read books, call friends, take naps, say a few prayers, or just sit and think about the little things in life that help me to see the big picture. And when I return to the office, it's almost like the beginning of a new day. Getting my mind out of the papers on my desk and thinking about the big picture always motivates me to work harder. And I've noticed that during those moments when I really feel like I'm discontent with my job, it's almost always because the tasks immediately in front of me have pulled my mind away from the big picture.

So what is this big picture? First of all, I'm very blessed. Sure, there are people out there with better jobs and more money. But if I choose to compare, then I'll find myself forever complaining. Considering the (lack of) qualifications I have in this field, the job I have now and the pay I'm getting is truly a miracle. Second, "work" and "pleasure" are not mutually exclusive. The office may not be a playground, but if I allow myself to look hard enough, there are always things about work that are enjoyable. Lastly, I don't just work and make money for the sake of success and wealth, because those things are only skin deep. With the money I make, I can help those in need, buy things I want, and go on adventures like the Nor-Cal trip a week and a half ago, which, though it wasn't exactly cheap, left me with joyful memories more valuable than anything money can buy.

With these things in mind, I think it's quite clear that work doesn't define my life, but rather enhances it, allowing me to not only be productive, but also have more means to enjoy the remaining time I have. Each time I make a transition between work and play, I realize once again just how eventful and exciting this life is. In this past weekend, I enjoyed several phone conversations, caught up with some old friends, planted lots of flowers in the backyard, went to Ken's awesome barbecue party, and rehearsed rap music for three hours. Now that Rajeev's concert is only a few weeks away and school's pretty much out for everyone, I expect rehearsals, random hangouts, and other things typically associated with weekends to start occupying some weeknights as well. Of course, that's not to say that I'm neglecting the need to put my heart and mind into my work in the office. In fact, thinking about the exciting life I live only motivates me to try even harder to do my best and excel at my job. But when I step out of the office and into the world where there are no customers to please and job descriptions to fulfill, it's time to enjoy and celebrate life to the fullest.

06/02: Bursts of Joy

I don't know why, but lately I've been feeling abnormally um... happy. At work, I still go through the usual feelings of accomplishment, frustration, productivity, and inadequacy that have characterized my life in the office for this past month or so. Okay, so maybe our overall workload has been a bit lighter lately. But I noticed that in these past few days, the number of times I found myself unintentionally smiling while working has greatly increased. Also, I almost always have some kind of music stuck in my head - a sign that I'm treating the job as more than just a routine to-do list.

Okay, fine, maybe I do know why I've been happy. I'm just surprised at how much it's been impacting my daily life. Many times when I'm in the middle of one of those more routine and mindless tasks, I find myself letting scenes from the Nor-Cal trip play back in my mind one after another. And as all of the places, images, activities, and conversations filled my head, I'm eventually awakened by the overwhelming bursts of joy that catch me off guard.

It's kind of like a big earthquake - after the initial quake strikes, many aftershocks follow, and while you can't really pinpoint exactly when they will happen, they'll always be there to surprise you and bring you back to the initial experience and emotions of the first quake. The Nor-Cal trip has definitely shaken up my life in many ways. I learned that I'm capable of doing a lot more than I think I can, and that I must be willing to take on more challenges, especially when it's for things that I care a lot about. Also, I realized that I really am indeed blessed to be living this life that God has given me to live.

As for having music constantly stuck in my head, it's something that happens most frequently during times when I feel greatly inspired. I'm not sure exactly what I'm inspired to do, but I know that when such inspiration is burning deep inside my heart, everything in life seems so much more meaningful. Sometimes, it's hard to avoid the temptation to define my identity based on things like how many mistakes I make at work, how wisely I spend my time everyday, or even how well I do in terms of living an "ideal" Christian (God-pleasing) life. And many times, these things weigh me down and make me feel like I'm unimportant, stupid, or insignificant. But recently, the bursts of joy I've been experiencing have helped me overcome those lies. I may never be perfect in this world, but that makes it even more of a miracle that God cares so much about me. He has blessed me with so many things I don't deserve - my job, my family, my friends, and much, much more. And it's only when I realize how blessed I am that I can begin to experience the overwhelming joy that comes only from God. It seems almost too good to be true. But I know that it's true, because I've experienced it. And it blows me away to realize that what I've experienced is only a glimpse of what the God of the universe has to offer. With that in mind, sometimes I really believe that I'm one of the happiest people in the world.

05/29: What a weekend. What an adventure. What a crazy, exciting, amazing journey. From touching squirrels to eating shark, from going to church to hanging out at a bar, from sitting by a pretty lake to witnessing a drug deal, from munching on fast food to feasting in fancy restaurants, I'm simply unable to believe that it was only yesterday morning that I left home for Nor-Cal. Time-wise, even some of my past UCLA visits were much longer than this. But this trip has been something in a whole different league. There was flying, driving, and walking. There was rain, and there was sunshine. There was coffee, and there was sweet tea with vodka. There were miles of open highways and there were millions of city lights. Thanks to the countless hours of planning put into this trip, everything went incredibly well in terms of both budgeting and scheduling. I managed to arrive at every destination either on time or ahead of time - a big surprise considering how unfamiliar I was with just about every aspect of the places I visited. I knew that all of that planning would truly pay off. But still, it was definitely the unplanned, unknown parts of the trip that really made it such an adventure.

I managed to sleep surprisingly well on Friday night, thanks to my decision to slowly adjust my sleeping schedule throughout the week so that I would be able to fall asleep earlier and wake up earlier. Still, the knowledge that the long-awaited trip was about to begin made my heart beat so fast that it was impossible to sleep too deeply. At some point during the past week, I had a (bad) dream about totally freaking out on Saturday morning and eventually missing my flight and concluding that the trip would be a total disaster. Thankfully, it was just a dream. Everything at the airport, from finding parking to getting through security, went by extremely smoothly, making me realize just how much I love the smaller, more easy-going nature of the Ontario Airport. And to make things better, I had just found out the previous night that my luggage didn't have to be checked in. The flight was surprisingly empty; pretty much everyone got to have a whole row to themselves. When the flight attendant came around to take drink orders, I was very tempted to get coffee, which I hadn't had yet. But upon realizing that the flight was probably the only part of the day that I didn't have to be fully awake for, I conformed to the decisions of the kids sitting in the row ahead of me and asked for a cup of hot chocolate instead.

As our plane descended into the Sacramento Airport, it didn't take long to confirm my belief that the state capitol is truly in the middle of nowhere. Normally as the plane's altitude drops, I expect to start seeing streets, cars, and people increasingly clearly. Going into Sacramento, there were farms. As we descended some more, there were still farms. Then suddenly we were on the ground - apparently there was a runway smack in the middle of endless miles of fields. Still, being in the middle of nowhere really helped increase the feeling that there was a great adventure ahead of me. I really didn't know where I was, and I really didn't have a clue what the next couple days were gonna look like. All I had was a huge stack of papers - confirmations (for my flight, rental car, and hotel), schedules and contacts, and of course, maps and directions - that were to guide me to every destination of the trip.

My rental car was ready and waiting for me when I arrived. It was only after I located the vehicle in the lot (a difficult task, considering there were two separate spaces labeled "48" and the one my car was in was totally out of sync with the rest of the numbers) that I realized they had upgraded me to a '11 Camry (standard or full-size class) for free. And the car was blue! I totally love that color - unique, elegant, and fun, looking good without attracting too much attention. I spent a few minutes figuring out the basic controls of the car, and for the longest time I couldn't find the darn clock, which I later realized was sitting in plain sight right in the middle of the dashboard. (But then again, Sophia couldn't find it at first either, so I don't feel as compelled to conclude that I'm an idiot).

Then came the part of the trip that most people feel is (hecka) crazy - the drive from Sacramento to Fremont, which involves backtracking for almost two hours even though there are airports much closer to the East Bay. I had originally hoped to arrive and depart from different airports so the long drive would only be a one-way trip, but due to the insane rental car charges for returning at faraway locations, it only made sense to just drive both ways. I felt a great sense of freedom that I never really felt before - I was hundreds of miles away from home by myself, with the ability to go wherever I wanted and do whatever I wanted without anyone or anything to stop me. Still, I didn't want to waste time, because what I wanted most was to see my friends and spend as much time with them as possible.

It didn't take long for me to realize that people in that area drive very differently from people back at home. First of all, the unspoken (but ever-so-important) rule that slower cars should stay on the right side of the highway is almost always followed. And even when a slower driver on the left lane senses a faster car coming up behind him, he will move over to the right - without using his middle finger! Being able to drive in such a peaceful, pressure-free environment was really an amazing experience, allowing me to just go with the flow while admiring all the scenery around me. Knowing that the long drive would probably be the most exhausting part of the day, I was hoping to see a Starbucks logo alongside the freeway that would prompt me to exit and put the card in my wallet to good use. When I finally saw one, it was on the wrong side of the freeway. And when I found one that was on my side, I had already passed the offramp. Already almost halfway through the drive, I decided to stop worrying about caffiene and just keep on going and see if I would be okay. That's when I realized just how much I was looking forward to this trip; the almost two-hour-long drive flew by in what felt like mere minutes.

The drive was so smooth that I arrived in Fremont almost half an hour ahead of schedule. But hey, the more time to hang out, the better. After arriving at my first destionation - Elizabeth's house - and saying hi to her parents ("ah yee hao! shru shru hao!"), we were off on our little adventure around Fremont. She had been asking me throughout the week about where I wanted to eat and what I wanted to do, only to conclude each time that we were both way too indecisive. On my last email, I suggested picking a place for lunch that was unique to Fremont or didn't exist in So-Cal. She chose Market Broiler, which specializes in fish - I'm not sure if it exists in L.A., but if it does, I've never heard of it. Last time I checked, the only thing close to this I've had was Red Lobster, and even that focuses more on lobster and crab than fish. But at Market Broiler it's all about the fish. Elizabeth ended up taking a leap of faith and ordering shark, which we both thought would be fun to try, just for the heck of it. After all, to me this was a trip full of new adventures, so it only made sense to eat something different. (For dinner, I almost decided to eat a rabbit!!). I still think it's awesome how, after Elizabeth went to New York for a year of school, we have been able to meet up both in LA and in Fremont in the same month. I wonder we'll be the next time we hang out!

I was exposed to Nor-Cal's (hecka) unpredictable weather when we were on our way to our next destination and it suddenly started raining. (Last time I checked, the weather report didn't mention a single drop of water falling from the sky...). Our destination happened to be a park, and fortunately, the clouds gave way to sunshine right when we arrived. We enjoyed a two-mile scenic walk around the appropriately-named Lake Elizabeth. (If that wasn't coincidental enough, we also discovered when we were about to leave that the letters on my rental car's license plate said "LIZ".) Okay fine, we didn't actually walk two whole miles, since a small part of the trail was under construction and we were forced to take a shortcut. Still, that's not my fault, so I'll let myself feel more accomplished. The walk gave us plenty of time to talk while enjoying the view of the little island in the middle of the lake (which, one of these days, I'm gonna have to go explore!). It was almost just like what we did a few weeks ago at UCLA - walk around the Botannical Gardens and talk while enjoying the little details of life found in nature that are often overlooked. Along the way, we discovered random exercise stations next to the trail - one which I found very interesting involved walking on a beam backwards without losing balance. I can't help but wonder how people can do it without tripping over the huge block sticking out at the end of the beam and hurting themselves.

Then there were the animals - a bunch of birds that made me worried about being struck by unclean objects falling from the sky, a pair of adorable dogs trained by their owner to stand up and drink water from the fountain, and all those ducks and Canadian geese that have apparently caused an overpopulation problem at the lake. Apparently I was the only person there who didn't know that the baby geese were the ones that didn't have black necks - even the little kid walking by us knew it. I guess I haven't been exposed to enough Canadian geese in my life, simply because So-Cal is a bit farther from umm... Canada. Then there were the squirrels - I've always loved squirrels ever since I went to UCLA, but little did I know that the squrrels in Fremont would be just as friendly. It just happened to be that while I was attempting to take pictures of a pair of them, someone else walking by tossed a few peanuts on the ground to feed them, which made them go crazy looking for more. So when I bent down to take pictures, one of them came so close that it was literally standing on my shoe and could have reached for my camera and taken it right out of my hand if I didn't use the wrist strap properly.

In the same way it made sense to take a walk after a big lunch, it made perfect sense to sit and relax after a long walk. So Elizabeth and I picked a bench by the lake and sat down to chill before heading to our next destination - the mall in Newark. Thanks to her kind warnings about how there's a red light camera on just about every intersection in the area, I became used to staying out of trouble by following the speed limit signs and not running any yellows. Besides, considering we simply wanted to hang out and didn't really care where we went, we weren't in a rush to get anywhere. It's funny how we both rarely shop for ourselves, yet we ended up going to the mall. But at least it gave us more opportunities to walk and talk and look at fun things. Our time together ended with some refreshments - I made a bold decision at that point that even though I knew all along that this was going to be an exhausting day, I was going to refrain from drinking any coffee. After all, I already made it this far, and I couldn't possibly let my exhaustion overpower my excitement. So I got a white gummy bear smoothie instead. When I arrived at the Jamba Juice, the workers inside were having an ice fight - like, literally, throwing chunks of ice at each other. It was nice to know that smoothies from the "secret menu" also came with free live entertainment.

Back at Elizabeth's house, it was time to say goodbye, and soon I was on my way to my second destination - Sophia's house in Pleasanton. I officially confirmed that Asian parents in Nor-Cal are really not used to their kid's friends speaking Chinese to them. But I guess it's a good surprise to them, even though my Chinese really ain't that great. Sophia and I had until midnight to hang out - enough time that we were able to go on an epic and random adventure all the way in San Francisco. Well, I guess it wasn't completely random, considering she had already spent hours researching the area and Yelping all the good restaurants. But still, there were many choices, and when we left to head out to SF, all we had were a general direction of where to go and a ginormous tourist map of SF, which she used to help us navigate through the crazy streets. The combination of rain (which started again and became even more intense than in the afternoon), a rental car that I wasn't completely used to yet, one-way streets, insane hills, and a billion pedestrians that assume all drivers have x-ray vision, made it quite a nerve-wrecking drive. But the moment I found myself cruising on that huge bridge (Bay Bridge, I think), I could have sworn I was in a movie. The strange weather made it even more of a picture-perfect scene; too bad we couldn't just stop in the middle of the bridge to take pictures!

Sophia and I eventually managed to not only find the area we were looking for, but also get free parking (which I think is amazing, since I've always associated the SF area with insanely crowded streets and expensive parking). After confirming that we were both okay with each other having smelly breaths for the rest of the night, we decided to have dinner at the Stinking Rose. That's where we saw the word "rabbit" on the menu and thought it might be worth a try. Only problem was that it was a little risky to spend so much on something that we didn't even know if we would like it or not. So we watched as the people sitting at the table next to us got their plate of rabbit while choosing not to taint the innocent image of cute fluffy bunnies in our minds. The ribs I got were so tender they wouldn't even stay on my fork. And despite all that garlic, it really wasn't all that stinky. Or maybe I just got used to it.

Of course, after a big meal comes a nice walk. The busy nighttime streets of San Francisco gave us plenty to explore while walking up and down (literally) each street. After we explored just about every street, there was one thing left to do - sit down at a bar and enjoy some beverages. It's crazy how we were all little college dorm kids when we first met, and now we're hanging out at a bar (despite still looking underage). We chose Vesuvio, with a nice second-story window view of the busy streets outside and an alley where some street musicans were performing. We asked the server to take a picture for us, and when she jokingly said "don't smile!", I totally fell for it. I couldn't help but notice the huge cannabis leaf sticker on one musician's guitar. What I didn't notice at the time, though, was the little bag of you-know-what hiding inside his coat. As Sophia and I enjoyed our drinks, we also enjoyed a very enteraining show - a couple shady drug deals, an amateur smoker trying several times to light up his weed and still failing, a gang of alcoholics sitting in a circle passing around liquor bottles hidden in brown bags, and a pair of police officers stopping by to give them citations and join the fun. I managed to snap candid photos of a drug deal in action - something I thought would be nice to keep in handy; just in case I got pulled over sometime during the trip for a traffic violation, I might be able to talk the cop out of it by offering to turn in a drug dealer in exchange for my freedom.

I only got one drink, for the sake of having to drive back safely. When we left the bar, the streets only got busier - people going to/from all the different bars, people lining up to get into the night clubs, and a mob of probably a few hundred people across the street watching what we assume was a fight (but decided not to go closer to see for obvious safety reasons). The late-night drive out of San Francisco forced me to conclude that there should be a law stating that all pedestrians crossing the street must wear a glow-stick around their necks, because seriously, they're impossible to see until your car is close enough to scare the life out of both them and you. Fortunately, it wasn't too difficult finding our way back on the huge bridge that leads out of SF, despite a few close calls at entering one-way streets in the wrong direction. The little random "Treasure Island" in the middle of the bridge left me extremely curious - if it weren't so late at night, I would have definitely wanted to go explore a bit. But I guess that will have to wait until some other time. That's one thing I really loved about this trip - the longer I stayed, the easier it became to plan fun things for future visits.

One of the best decisions I made while planning this trip was probably to book a hotel in the East Bay and save the drive back to Sacramento for this morning. I never realize how tired I am until all the fun winds down and I'm left by myself. My hotel was in nearby Livermore, and after leaving Sophia's house, I was so tired going there that I missed a turn without even realizing there was a road there. The hotel definitely wasn't used to people checking in at 12:30 AM. But hey, it's easy money for them, since all I intended to do was take a quick shower, go to sleep, and check out early in the morning.

The room wasn't bad at all, especially considering how little I was paying for it. The only problem was that I woke up at around 5:00AM this morning and found myself already so excited that I couldn't really fall asleep again after that. It was the craziest feeling waking up and finding myself in a city that I didn't even know existed a week ago and realizing that even after already having so much fun, there was still so much more to look forward to. The biscuits left over from last night's dinner served as a big breakfast, and all I was missing was some coffee. (For the sake of time, I didn't bother making coffee in the hotel). I had accidentally left those biscuits in the car last night, and on my way back to my room after retrieving them, I suddenly found myself confused about whether or not the elevator had taken me to the right floor, until a biker dude who was getting in the elevator looked at me like I'm an idiot and kindly informed me that the hotel only has three floors. That's when I realized I definitely had to make more effort to locate a Starbucks. Little did I know that the first round green-and-black logo I found would be within walking distance from the hotel! I even told the barista that I had woken up wishing and praying that there would be a Starbucks right next to my hotel. That's one thing I totally love about these more "American" places - almost everyone has a friendly smile and enjoys little random conversations that brighten up each other's days. With Java Chip in hand and my pile of maps once again laid out on the passenger seat next to me, it was time for another hundred-mile drive.

My directions told me to take a different route going north than the one I took going south, giving me a chance to pass by different cities and check out different scenery. I really wish I had more time - there were so many places where I wanted to just pull over and take a little walk and enjoy some fresh air. I entertained myself by flipping through different radio stations (none of which I had heard of) to find different soundtracks that suited the environment around me. Some classic rock on a straight, open highway made me want to roll down the windows and pretend I was in an old muscle car or riding a Harley-Davidson. A little bit of upbeat dance music connected with the daring, adrenaline-filled nature of the whole trip. I also stumbled upon a nice instrumental station that really added to that sense of a happy, exciting but peaceful adventure. I had also brought along a copy of what I call my "epic map" - a compilation of at least a few dozen Mapquest screenshots that shows all of the freeways and major cities in the region I was travelling in - and by this point, most of the freeways and city names I saw on the signs were already starting to look familiar. I always felt like I can't really know directions well unless I've actually driven there myself, and in that sense, I've definitely gotten to know much of Nor-Cal quite well these past few days.

By the time I arrived in Sacramento, I felt like I had almost befriended the people in the cars next to me that had travelled with me the entire way up north. But still, just like on yesterday's drive, time totally flew by, and before I knew it I was sitting with Christine at River City Grace Community Church. I always find myself amazed each time I look back and see how far we've both come since we first met when she wasn't a believer yet. Seeing her grow in faith over the years has been a great encouragement in my own faith, and it's such a great blessing after so many years to be able to attend Sunday Service with her for the first time. Too bad her friends that she recently performed a song with weren't there, so I couldn't enjoy the free concert that I had looked forward to. But I guess that means I'll have to go back again some other time!

Then came our impromptu adventure in the state capitol city. I love how throughout the trip, every meal had been a unique experience. We enjoyed lunch at La Bou for sentimental reasons more than anything else - the whole atmosphere (and much of the menu) bore a striking resemblance to good ol' Bruin Cafe. Other than the lack of smoothies, the absense of loud and obnoxious college kids, and the presence of restrooms, it really felt like college all over again. I even ordered soup in a bread bowl, just for the heck of it, and had to strategically work my way around the bowl a little at a time to prevent the soup from spilling out.

Other than eating, one thing Christine and I always enjoyed doing back at UCLA was taking random walks. So that's exactly what we did, starting with a nearly abandoned mall that supposedly had an antique bookstore that no longer exists. Then we went "park-hopping", thanks to her portable GPS that helped us locate several nearby parks. Bohemian Park gave me the opportunity to um... sit inside a shopping cart under a tree. Even the random guy walking by us said I looked ridiculous. But hey, I'm hundreds of miles away from home and chances are I won't see him ever again, so what is there to be ashamed of?

Then came more random pictures with trees and the little bridge nearby. The only problem was that the playground area was already occupied by people in the age range more commonly associated with playgrounds. Our next stop, Seely Park, took care of that problem. There were several little playgrounds, giving us plenty of ways to feel young again (and get weird looks from other people passing by) without worrying about depriving the little kids of their fun. I have to admit, sitting on that kiddy ride shaped like a whale was actually very comfortable. One of my favorite things about playgrounds has always been those huge fortresses complete with slides, monkey bars, and all kinds of other gadgets. If there were more of us, we could have started a game of playground tag, just like I used to always play in elementary school. (Whoever falls off the playground and touches the sand is 'it'!). We discovered a random globe built into the bottom of the fortress, and to our great surprise, it actually showed Taiwan!

Then came the swing set - that's where our "epic conversations" started taking over. When I first used that term in an email to Christine, she questioned the appropriateness of my word choice. But since then, she had upgraded the status of our conversations to "Lord-of-the-Rings-three-hours-times-the-entire-trilogy-which-is-more-than-9-hours epic", simply because, well, we really never run out of things to talk about. We eventually migrated over to a random hill surrounded by trees, and just stood there talking and letting time pass us by. We originally thought about buying some food and having a picnic, or moving on to find a third park... but as we talked, time just flew by more quickly than the airplanes soaring over our heads (the airport isn't too far away). When she checked the time, it was already almost the time I planned to leave for the airport... and we still had to drive back to the place we had lunch so I could get my car. Oh, and we didn't have dinner yet...

Thank God for fast food - the McDonalds we found along the way allowed us to enjoy a nice 10-minute dinner. I was already running late before we got our food, and honestly, I was a bit worried. But I told Christine that even if the worst-case scenario happened, I could always call her from the airport and tell her my plane left without me, and she could pick me up and drop me at some nearby motel, and tomorrow we can hang out some more. Sure, she was right when she said that it would be a bit inconvenient for me. But this journey was never really about convenience, and just as I had originally expected, the only thing I could ask for at the end was a little more time.

We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. Thanks to smooth traffic and the fact that I was already quite comfortable with my car by then (not to mention the drug deal photos on my camera that I'd still like to believe could have saved me from any potential trouble with law enforcement officials), I was still able to drive to the airport, fill up the car's tank before returning it, and make it to the terminal well ahead of schedule.

That's when I sat down and started looking at all the pictures from these past couple days and writing down everything that happened. I couldn't help but stop every few minutes, lay my head down, close my eyes, and just smile. Maybe people saw me and thought I was crazy. But really, who cares? As I sat there waiting to board the plane, a familiar-looking family walked by me - I recognized the dad because he sat right by me while waiting at the Ontario terminal yesterday morning, and the kids because they were the ones who inspired me to order hot chocolate on yesterday's flight. They didn't seem to recognize me, but given the coincidence that we left and came back on the same flights, I couldn't help but wonder a little about what brought them up to Nor-Cal. Among all those who traveled alongside me, I would assume that some went to visit family members, while others may have had business obligations, and still others simply wanted to enjoy a little vacation. Each of us must have a unique story to share. And I would be greatly surprised if anyone's story was anywhere close to mine.

The airplane began to accelerate faster and faster. Then suddenly I was in the air, with all the buildings, highways, and fields becoming increasingly distant. I'm sure many of the roads I traveled in these past few days were down there somewhere. I'm sure all the people I visited and the places I went were there too. But by then, everything was already reduced to a blur, like a giant canvas from Mapquest not too different from my "epic map", reflecting the beautiful glow of the Nor-Cal sunset. I couldn't help but gaze out the window and cry a little.

So much has happened in these past couple days that I couldn't even write everything down in one place - I started at the Sacramento airport, then it was time to board the plane, then I continued writing on the plane, then we were back in Ontario already. And now that I'm at home in my room, I refuse to let myself sleep until all is written down while the memories are still the freshest. It's great to be home, but to be honest, I'd rather not be here right now. I still can't quite comprehend just how amazing these past few days have been. And I still can't believe that it's all over already.

One thing I've always loved about being in an airplane is that when I look down and see the world from above, I can't help but think about life from a bigger perspective and realize that there's so much more out there than what my mind can contain. I've always believed that friendships are such beautiful, precious, priceless things - somewhere along the road among billions of people, the right people cross paths at the right time and become a part of each other's life stories. I met Elizabeth, Sophia, and Christine at UCLA in the same year, among probably thousands of people I've crossed paths with. Even though we knew that many "friends" in college would eventually lose touch after graduation, and most would say goodbye and probably never meet again, we held on tightly and refused to end up like the majority. I visited them regularly when they were still in LA, and when they graduated last year, I honestly didn't know what our friendships would look like a year later, or if I would ever actually be able to work up the guts to fly myself up north to visit them. Sometimes, our communication was reduced to just one phone call every several months. But even so, each conversation left me assured that something as precious as our friendship could not have been a mere accident, and that was what prompted me to do whatever I could to overcome my own fears and make the trip happen.

Why would God, with all the seemingly bigger and more important things He has to take care of, bother to orchestrate such beautiful intersections of our paths? Why would we have the great priviledge of being a part of each other's life stories? And why would we, of all people, be blessed with the willingness to do what it takes to make our friendships last rather than just meet and lose touch like most people do? Looking back now, this trip was really not about what food we ate or what activities we chose to do during our short time together, but rather the fact that we were able to celebrate friendships that have stood against the tests of distance and time. Sure, there were many things I wanted to do that I didn't get to - spend more time playing with my rental car, sit in the hotel room and relax, visit more tourist attractions, check out some local exotic car events, stop along the highway to admire the beautiful scenery and breathe the fresh air, and even call up a few other people I know in Nor-Cal to see if I could swing by to say hello. But all those things pale in comparison to the quality time spent with the people who mean more to me than anything else on this trip ever will. Looking back at the way everything turned out, all I can do now is sit here with a smile on my face knowing that I'm simply so blessed to be living this life that God has given me to live.

This journey has taught me so much about my life, my heart, my fears, my dreams, and the friendships that make life suddenly seem more beautiful than ever before. Even though we are so far away now, the crossings of our paths on this memorable weekend have formed a beautiful ribbon on my heart, sealing all of the joy we shared and setting an important milestone that will forever be engrained in the story of our friendships. I don't know when we will meet again, but I know that I'll be back someday, and that's a promise. (I can't always be the one making the visits though! Yes, I'm trying to hint at something...) No matter how hard I try, my words will never fully capture the way I feel right now. But maybe that's a good thing, because only so will we continue to move forward. We've already made it this far, and I believe that greater things will certainly come. With that in mind, I give praise to God and thanks to these amazing friends for letting my first Nor-Cal area trip be such an incredible journey, and I eagerly look forward to the new adventures we will share when we meet again.

05/26: Another lunch break entry. Lots of crazy and unexpected stuff happening at work these days - not sure how things will look in the near future, but with my boss gone on a business trip starting tomorrow, I just hope the rest of us will be able to handle everything on our own, and that I won't do anything stupid that makes everyone else have to clean up after me and turns the whole office into a total disaster.

Anyway, this entry isn't supposed to be about work. The Nor-Cal trip is less than two days away (!), and I can't even explain how excited I am right now. The fact that I'm also a bit nervous and scared makes this trip seem like even more of an adventure. Considering how much preparation I need to do and how little time I have, I had to bring my list of hotel selections with me to make phone calls during lunch break. Turns out the number I had doesn't work... so I'll have to wait till I get home in the evening to try again. But if everything goes as planned, by tonight the whole outline of the trip will be solidified, just in time with a desperately needed day left to pack, relax, and rest well.

Knowing how ridiculously tired I will be this weekend (and how early I have to wake up on Saturday), I made it a goal starting on Monday to start waking up a little earlier every morning (and going to sleep earlier too) so I won't be too exhausted on Saturday. This morning I got up at 6:15 - I have to admit that while I probably won't wake up so early just for fun, it's definitely a good experience. Nothing compares to having time to take it easy, drink some coffee, and read some devotionals to kick off the day rather than rushing straight to work. It just makes the whole day feel more exciting - not that I don't already have enough to look forward to...

These past few days have been extremely slow, probably because I've been counting down the days to the trip. It's hard for me to imagine that while life right now seems perfectly normal, two days from now I'll already be on the other side of California. From this point on, all the free time I have will be dedicated to doing what I can to make this trip go as smoothly as possible. Still, I know that no matter how much I prepare, in the end I'm still not going to feel ready. That's the beauty of it all - regardless of my preparation, the bottom line is that I'm going on an adventure like nothing I've ever been on before. Just like my UCLA visits, I've left all the details of each part of the trip to be determined after I get there. After all, it's not like I know what to expect anyway. All I know right now is that I'm gonna wake up early Saturday morning and let this adventure suddenly sweep me away like a giant whirlwind. It's going to happen so quickly that I'll have no choice but to just go with the flow, seize every moment of excitement, and look back afterwards and just be amazed at it all. That's exactly what I'm going to do.

05/24: At last, some light at the end of the tunnel. These past few weeks of work have been very difficult, not just because I was expected to learn so much, but because I was given much more than I could handle, meaning I had to make compromises in the quality of my work. I'm the kind of person that likes to take responsibility over things I'm supposed to do, and I hate to leave a bunch of miscellaneous tasks half done, since they will continue to occupy a place in my mind until I can completely remove them from my mental to-do list. Maybe that's why these past few weeks have been so stressful - with all the new things I had to learn, there was no time for a lot of the non-urgent tasks (such as filing) that I had been put in charge of, and it gave me a huge headache to know that no matter how hard I worked, my to-do list was only going to grow because so many miscellaneous tasks were piling up.

As for the new things I've been learning, the situation has been more or less tense on my part ever since the day I was forced to assume the role of defense rather than simply strive for success and teamwork. Having been a tutor for so long, it only makes sense that I know a thing or two about helping students learn. And I was certain since the beginning that the way my boss expected me to learn was not going to work. I was in mo position to complain, so all I could do was try my best and let the results speak for themselves. It's safe to say that while I've definitely learned a lot during this time, the overall quality of my work has gone down significantly because I was unable to maintain the kind of focus that I needed to maximize my potential. My boss noticed the problem too, and after a few good talks these past couple days, we're finally more or less on the same boat.

I'm a strong believer in laying firm foundations - if the foundation isn't laid right, whatever is built on top of it cannot be strong. If the goal of learning is long-term success, then surely a foundation must be laid first so that a student can build his/her knowledge and skills on top of it. That's how I knew I wouldn't be able to meet my boss's expectations. I understand that she's busy and has much more important things to do than sit there and guide me all day. But if I'm forced to apply things I'm learning without any sort of solid foundation, in the end all I can do is be a robot and do exactly as I'm told - which is not what she wants either, since I'm obviously supposed to be able to think for myself. Fortunately, I was able to express much of those feelings, answering my boss's questions about why I often seem so stubborn. And fortunately, we might have found a good solution already.

As of yesterday, I'm no longer the newest member of the company. The boss has hired a new employee with many years of experience in the industry, and he will officially be in charge of the new things that I haven't been able to grasp. I, meanwhile, will focus on the first few things that I've been learning - ocean imports and accounting - and continue to grow in those areas (which I've only partially learned) until I truly master them. It's not that I don't want to continue learning new things - and I know that eventually I'll be learning those things again once I have a more solid foundation - but being able to have a focus lets me build up my knowledge and skills in a much more orderly fashion, eliminating a lot of the stress, aimlessness, and lack of confidence that has plagued my life at work recently. This is definitely a chapter of my life in the office that I'm looking forward to.

05/22: SNU. I'm friggin' tired. My feet have blisters everywhere. My legs are sore like crazy and it hurts to walk up and down the stairs. And my head hurts. But considering I got to see over a hundred Ferraris today, the pain is well worth it. And that's just one part of a surprisingly eventful weekend, which I can't believe is ending already.

Yesterday was another rehearsal for the G-VO concert. For those who have told me to get you tickets, I already have them and will give them to you whenever I see you. Everyone else that wants to come, let me know and I'll get more tickets, as long as they're still available. My part in the concert is finally solidified enough that I decided it was worth bringing my keyboard to rehearsal to actually practice using the proper sounds. There's only a few details left that must be worked out, and even though I can't make next week's rehearsal, I really look forward to meeting up the following week and seeing us continue to make progress.

The biggest surprise of the day was a call from Kenny inviting me to hang out w/ him, Tiffany, Andy (all BSF friends) and other friends from their church. From Rajeev's place, I was only 10-15 minutes away from Arcadia, so things worked out perfectly. It hasn't even been two weeks since BSF ended, but I already miss everyone there like crazy, so I was extremely happy to get to hang out with these friends even when the fellowship is not in session. We went to watch the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie - I'm starting to realize that I really like these films about epic, mysterious, magical adventures - in the end I always feel like I've actually gone on the adventure. And of course, the soundtrack for the Pirates series has always been one of my favorites, so I'm glad everyone decided to stay seated during the credits. Afterwards, Tiffany, Andy, and I decided to go for some food at Garden Cafe. Either I was good at guilting them by pointing out that I hadn't had dinner yet, or they were really hungry too. But at the end, we all got plenty of good food, and I didn't get home until almost midnight.

That gave me just enough time to rest well for a very special event this morning - Carol's graduation! Well, technically, she still has a year of school left, but she decided to walk early for good reasons. It's funny how both of our college graduations were not actual graduations, since we weren't actually done with school yet. But still, it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and something definitely worth celebrating.

Then it was time for those hundred or so Ferraris - yes, it's the annual Concorso Ferrari in Old Town Pasadena, where three blocks of Colorado Boulevard get shut down completely just so Ferrari owners can proudly display their babies while everyone else enjoys being stuck in traffic. The whole way there, I thought I was crazy. First of all, Pasadena ain't exactly close, and I was just in that area yesterday. Plus, the weather wasn't exactly on the sunny side, and I would get there with just enough time to quickly run through each display area and snap a bunch of pics before it's time for the departures. But the departures were what I really went there for. There is nothing in the world that compares to the sound of dozens of Ferraris starting up and driving at the same time. And there's also nothing in the world that compares to the sight of a classic Italian sports car, not to mention so many of them lined up together.

I had just finished filming all the trailer queens getting loaded and taken away and was about to leave when something in one of the side streets caught my eye. If I were to ask people to describe a car they would least expect to see parked on the side of a public street, they would probably mention it being an exotic sports car, or a half-century-old classic, or a custom one-off creation. Or maybe something specially made by a famous coachbuilder. Or maybe something worth millions of dollars. How about all of the above? The car I saw parked quietly along the street after all the other cars had left (and the streets were re-opened to traffic) happened to be none other than the star of today's show, the 1956 250 GT by Zagato, S/N 0515GT. It's the first of only five 250's built by Zagato, each with a unique design. It has the heart of a world-renowned exotic performance car manufacturer, the body of a world-renowned coachbuilder, and it's simply one of the most gorgeous classic Ferraris I've ever seen. And needless to say, the car's current value has the word "million" in it.

Anyways, these next few days are going to be insanely busy. First of all, I have a lot of videos to edit. I already started working on them, and thankfully they won't take too long, since I can just use the same format and music as last year's Concorso videos. And of course, I have to start preparing for the Nor-Cal trip, which is now less than a week away. That's hecka crazy. But considering how many things I need to do that are more important than writing this random entry, I should probably shut up and get to work. After all, one of my goals this week is to sleep super early and wake up super early every day so I can have more energy on the weekend. Let's hope this plan works, because if this past weekend has left me this exhausted I'm pretty sure next weekend isn't going to be any less tiring!

05/18: This morning at work, a customer wrote me an email with a happyface on it. I don't know why, but it totally made my day. In the professional world, the "=)" symbol is definitely not used as frequently as I would like it to be. But I always love those brief moments at work when people relax a little and just be themselves. I use happyfaces all the time when I write emails or chat on AIM. And even though I really think it's a bad idea for me to use a bunch of "=)"s and "lol"s on my business-related emails, I definitely don't mind it when people use them while writing to me. Maybe that customer really appreciated my service. Or maybe she was simply having a good day. But either way, her happyface definitely reminded me that I was having a good day too.

Speaking of work, the elevator in our building lied to me yesterday. After going downstairs to get the mail, I went back in the elevator and pressed "4" as usual. I've explored the building enough times to know that each floor is painted a different color. But when the door opened and I saw the familiar color of my floor, the number display inside the elevator said "3". I've already made the embarassing mistake of stepping out of the elevator on the wrong floor several times, and I wasn't planning on doing so again, especially since there was another dude in the elevator with me on his way to the 5th floor. So I decided to ignore my color instinct, choosing to trust the number display. The elevator door closed. A few seconds later, it opened again. I looked at the display, and it said "5". THe dude next to me froze for a moment, no less confused than I was. Then he shrugged at me in an almost apologizing manner and walked away, knowing that at least he was on the correct floor. Left alone and puzzled, I pressed "4" again, and this time when the door opened, the color on the walls and the number on the display actually matched. Still, I felt like an idiot. You know it's not your lucky day when you get deceived and embarassed by an elevator. Oh well, at least someone else was with me to witness the incident, so I know that I'm not crazy.

This is definitely one of those random (and largely pointless) entries. But I'd be surprised if I could actually write anything meaningful right now, considering I went to sleep at around 2:30 last night. I definitely didn't plan on staying up so late, but then again, that's what happens pretty much everytime I talk with Christine on the phone. She had told me ahead of time that she would call me last night so we could work on music stuff. And knowing our tendency to talk and not shut up, she even tried to prevent the problem by first calling me on Monday night to get some random conversation topics out of the way. That wasn't exaclty a short conversation either, and even after that, last night's conversation still went on until I knew I couldn't allow myself to stay up any later. I think what amazes me the most is that, as hard as it is to believe, we really never run out of things to talk about. I don't think I've felt this confident about conversations since probably sometime in high school. We can start talking anytime and anywhere, and there would always be something to talk about. And the best thing is that at the end of each conversation, we both feel encouraged and strengthened in ways that are almost impossible to accomplish alone. The only problem is that we don't feel nearly as strong physically at the end of our conversations, since it's usually at an hour meant for sleeping. But even so, there hasn't been a single time I regretted my decision to stay up and talk.

The confidence that we never run out of things to talk about only makes me even more excited about the Nor-Cal trip, which, as hard as it is to believe, is only about a week and a half away. I already got my rental car reservation, and hopefully in these next couple days I'll be able to call people and figure out more detailed plans so I can decide where to find a hotel. Also, as part of my preparation for this trip, I've begun to practice incorporating the word "hecka" into my vocabulary. I'm not sure if I want to keep using that word after the trip. But for now, it's definitely a good thing.

05/10: Time really flies. That's one thing we all agreed on as we sat around the table filled with food, enjoying our last fellowship as a small group. Just like a year in college, it's easy to look back at the end and be amazed at how quickly time has passed by. But the more we allow all the little details and memories to fill our minds, the more we realize that it has been an exciting, fulfilling year. From singing praise songs to discussing our homework answers, from listening to Steve and Tina's lectures to attending Eric's seminars, from the countless attempts at shouting "challenge question!" (both successfully and unsuccessfully) to the prayers we prayed for each other throughout the weeks, these past seven months have definitely impacted my life in ways I never thought were possible.

If I had to name only one thing I learned this year at BSF through studying the book of Isaiah, it would be from chapter 40, verses 28-31. "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." It's not hard for me to believe that God blesses people with strength when life is going well, but when things get tough, it's a whole different story. There are times when I'm soaring, times when I'm running, and times when I'm walking. And during all those times, I can find strength by hoping in the Lord. What a wonderful promise!

Ever since I was a child, I would read the Old Testament and think about just how dumb those Israelites could be at times. "If God parted the Red Sea for me or appeared before me in the form of a cloud, I would never doubt Him again." Sometimes, such thoughts also appeared in my mind during this year's Isaiah study. "Quit complaining about your exile... did God not make it clear enough that He's gonna get you out of this mess?" "Stop worrying about the Assyrian army - God said He'll destroy them for you, what more can you ask for?" "Has God not been faithful enough so that you can stop turning away from Him over and over again?"

But sometimes, I'm no different from those Israelites. Like an ant on my dinner plate, I deserve to be crushed to death for ruining someone else's meal, even if I didn't intend to do so. But God didn't destroy me despite the fact that I repeatedly fail to meet His perfect and holy standard. Instead, God chooses to love me. In fact, He loves me so much that He sent His son Jesus to experience the extremes of human suffering and die a most painful human death, so that I could be forgiven of my sins and brought back to a right relationship with Him.

And to be honest, if I really insist that I needed to witness a miracle to believe in God's faithfulness, He has already shown me one (if not many). When I first began attending BSF, I always asked the brothers in my small group to pray that God would give me wisdom and patience to deal with the many frustrations and instabilities of my tutoring job. Just over a month later, God not only answered those prayers by giving me a completely new job, but did so in such a way that I had no doubt it was from Him. I remember the night after my first day of work - it happened to be a Tuesday, and I got to share with many of my friends at BSF about what God has done. We were all amazed both at how much my life had been transformed and how quickly it all happened. At that moment, I had the confidence and strength to tell everyone I talked to who was facing struggles that God is indeed faithful and will bless them in amazing ways. In the weeks to come, there were times when I felt so content with my life that I fell on my knees with tears of joy falling from my eyes. Why would a perfect God pour out so many blessings on a sinful, weak, and undeserving person like me? Surely Isaiah's words are true - God's understanding is beyond what I can fathom, and He gives strengh to His people in ways that nothing in this world can.

I definitely wasn't the only one at BSF who experienced such tremendous blessings from God this past year. That's why I love being part of a healthy fellowship so much. None of us are perfect, and the more we become involved in each other's lives, the more we start to realize it. Whether it's with academic struggles, family problems, career instabilities, physical injuries, or major life-changing decisions, all of us needed help in one way or another. And because God answers prayer, we were able to help each other not only physically, but also through praying for each other every day. Each time someone in our group is blessed by God, so are the rest of us. During the times when I was soaring, my testimony gave hope to those who were just walking. And during the times when I was walking slowly, there were always others who were soaring to remind me that God never changes, and that all things happen for His glory and for my eternal good.

It really breaks my heart that something that has helped me grow so much and played such a significant role in my walk with God must come to an end. One part of my life that I haven't exactly been soaring in lately is my need to find a church with a group of brothers and sisters to call my spiritual family, and I've said many times that I wish BSF were an actual church, because then my decision would be made easily and without hesitation. But unfortunately, it's not, and I must let myself believe that God has reasons for letting BSF be the way it is. I really can't imagine what my life will be like in these next several months without this amazing group of brothers and sisters that faithfully gathered every Tuesday night to give God glory through our fellowship. But I've learned that while we should not cling on too tightly to the past, we must remember the times when we soar, so that they can encourage us when our walk seems too slow. My future may be filled with uncertainties, especially when it comes to church-related decisions. But this past year at BSF has left me with no doubt that God is truly faithful, and that I can always continue to hope in Him and know that He will never fail to renew my strength.

With all that said, I must take some time to thank several people and groups who have contributed to making this year at BSF such an incredible experience for me.

Thanks to Steve, Tina, and Eric for giving the weekly lectures and teaching the seminars. All the time and effort you spent in preparation to teach really paid off - Even on those days when I felt tired and didn't really feel like paying attention, I still ended up greatly encouraged and uplifted by the words God spoke through your mouths. I learned many things I never knew before, and also got to see things I already knew from fresh perspectives. Thanks for sharing your great knowledge and wisdom with the rest of us.

Thanks to all the other leaders, staff members, and volunteers for all your hard work and dedication to BSF. Whether it's through leading the praise songs, working the sound board, greeting people at the door, ushering, bringing food and snacks, or cleaning up the facility after eveyone leaves, God sees your heart and will definitely bless you for it. Even though some of the things you do may be subtle and often unnoticed, they make a tremendous difference in the effectiveness of the ministry and serve as a reminder to me that our God is indeed a God worth humbling ourselves to worship.

Thanks to Eugene for being such a great small group leader. I really don't know how to express how blessed I feel to be a part of your group. Your dedication to calling me almost every week, your willingness to voluntarily lead this group despite the struggles you are facing, and your commitment to praying and leading our weekly discussions have all inspired me, and I know without doubt that God sees the sacrifices you've made and will greatly reward you.

Thanks to all the members in my small group for your commitment to being there week after week and for participating in the discussions and sharing your insights with the rest of us. Just as importantly, thanks for being a group of brothers who not only enjoy having fun together, but also are not afraid to be honest with each other and admit our weaknesses. I really believe that many of the great things that have taken place in our lives this past year happened as a direct result of our faithful prayers for one another.

Thanks to all the friends I've met at BSF outside of my small group. Many of our conversations were so memorable that I still remember them clearly even though they took place months ago. From the day I first checked out BSF as a total stranger, you helped make me feel like I belong in this group. Even to the many people who I've seen week after week but never had the chance to meet, I'm thankful simply that we have been able to share the joy of giving God glory together as part of this fellowship.

Thanks to Mom, who first told me about BSF after joining the women's group and suggested that I go check out the young adult group. Thanks for the patience and wisdom you exercised in allowing me to discover my own desire to be in this group rather than forcing me to go. There's really nothing that can compare to the joy of going through the same study and being able to share what we learned each week and apply them to our lives and our family.

Thanks to God, who not only saw the frustrations I had with my church-related experiences that had escalated over the past few years, but also led me to discover BSF in a time when I needed it the most. Thanks for helping me find this amazing family of believers that leaves me assured that I'm not walking alone. Thanks for letting me open my heart to learn so many life-changing truths in the book of Isaiah. After this past year at BSF, I'm even more confident that there is no better way to live my life than to hand you the pen to write my life stories according to Your plans. Even though things in my future are uncertain, I know that whether I'm running, walking, or soaring, You will never change. May your will continue to be done.

05/09: I don't think I've ever felt this way before. Usually I feel like I can't do all the things I wish to do because there isn't enough time. Or, during those seasons when time is abundant, I'm often not motivated enough. But right now, I want to do a lot of things, and I have both the motivation and the time to do them, but I simply don't have the mental energy. Whether it's editing pictures and videos, writing an email to a friend, or working on music, I'm simply too tired to take any action. It's safe to assume that this has to do with suddenly having to learn so many new things at work. But I'm also pretty sure I wouldn't be nearly this tired if I could actually sleep better. Considering how many crazy dreams I have every night, I really think my mind is often more alert while I'm asleep than while I'm awake. This brings me back to the dilemma I've had since before going to college - There are definitely things I can do to help me sleep better and dream less, but are they really worth it? Sure, I work in an office now, but I'm still an artist at heart, and that's not going to change. And I'm always inspired and encouraged by the creativity demonstrated through my dreams. Maybe sleeping a little earlier will help, even though I already sleep a lot compared to most people. Oh well, as long as I can survive each day of work with enough energy to learn and do everything I need to learn and do, then I'm sure everything else will eventually work itself out. As soon as I can get a better grip of things at work, I won't feel nearly as worn out at the end of each day. But right now, I think it would be best if I stop making failed attempts at being productive and simply go to bed earlier and hopefully get some quality sleep. After all, tomorrow is big day that I definitely want to have enough energy to enjoy!

05/08: Impromptu UCLA Visit

When I visited UCLA a few weeks ago, I told all the friends I saw that I would not be there again before the schoolyear ends. Usually, I'm the one that plans these visits, beginning with contacting a few friends to confirm their schedules and resulting in confirming a good date and contacting more people to fill up the day. When I plan my own visits, I tend to figure that since I have to drive out to LA and buy a parking permit, I might as well do as much as I can while I'm there, hence the tendency for me to often appear busy when I'm there. But the truth is that I'd drive out there even if I didn't have half as much to do there. I often tell my friends at UCLA that even if I had drive an hour just to meet them for some coffee at Starbucks, it would still be worth it. In all honesty, even though I absolutely love visiting UCLA, I really don't want to always be the one to initiate the trip. That's why I find myself overjoyed everytime someone gives me the rare privilege of visiting UCLA without having to invite myself.

Elizabeth and I used to live three doors down from each other in Hedrick and hang out almost every day, then after I graduated we would still hang out when I visited, then after she graduated last year and moved back home, we never saw each other again. Our occasional emails and phone conversations told me that she had gone to the East Coast for grad school, making it even more difficult for us to find a chance to meet up. But she decided that rather than going straight home from New York after finishing finals, it would be a good chance to stop by LA to visit for a week first. Fortunately, I found out that she would be visiting early enough to set the day aside. But even if I were busy, this was something worth making time for.

I saved this entry until now because I was far too tired last night to think straight. Still, it was an extremely fun day in a way I rarely get to experience when visiting UCLA - completely not having to worry about being at certain places and seeing certain people at certain times. Since I wasn't the one that initiated the trip, it wasn't my job to plan my whole schedule out, and that's why nobody else knew I was there. I only ended up going to Beverly Hills for about an hour only because I found myself with a little free time. But other than that, it was all hanging out with Elizabeth, Roshan, and some other fellow music major friends. We enjoyed an awesome sushi lunch, followed by a visit to the Hammer Museum (which, for some unknown reason, I had never been to before) and a nice walk around the Botanical Garden. One of these days, I'm going to have to make a trip there again, even if it's by myself, just to get to spend more time there.

We met up with a huge gang of musicians for dinner at Ayara Thai Cuisine, followed by an awesome late-night apartment Baalderdash party. I wasn't planning on sticking around after dinner at all, but I figured if the party was gonna continue, why not stay for a bit longer? It was only after finally getting good at the game (which I used to play all the time but haven't played ever since the old SOLD group disbanded) that I realized I still had to drive almost an hour to get home, while everyone else was at most only a few minutes away from their beds. Fortunately, I still had half a can of coffee left in my car, allowing me to safely make the commute home.

It's really funny how this trip happened - I originally called Elizabeth to let her know I'll be visiting Nor-Cal, not even sure if she would be out of school yet by then. But I ended up finding out not only that she would be home then, but also that she would be visiting LA before going home. I had always imagined that it would be fun to travel and visit people in different places. But little did I know that after not seeing each other for a year, she would be visiting LA and I would be visiting Nor-Cal in the same month. Sure, I was sad that I had to leave last night and go home first. But at least I know it's only a temporary goodbye, because a few weeks later we'll be hanging out again on the other side of California!

05/04: Having had my current job for almost half a year, I've definitely learned a lot of things that I would have never expected to learn a year ago. Most of these things revolve around accounting tasks, business knowledge, customer service, and freight forwarding skills, all of which are required to fulfill my job description. However, a great deal of what I've learned also has to do with building relationships. Whether it's with clients, with agents, or with people sitting right next to me in the office, communication is a crucial part of what it takes to succeed in this trade (or any other trade, or even life in general). Recently my boss and I have had a few "miscommunications" that led to things not being done as they should, and while such situations can be very frustrating both for her and for me, I can't help but notice a lot of interesting trends that contribute greatly to these problems.

The more I think about it, the more I'm starting to realize that my boss and I have a lot in common. We're both rather smart in the sense that we can snake around situations to turn them in our favor. We're both control freaks who like to take situations (and sometimes people) into our own hands. Also, we're both very idealistic; whether intentional or not, we naturally set standards for the people around us and find ways to justify our standards. We both like to be one step ahead of other people and be prepared to respond to any potential questions or problems. We expect others to be on the same train of thought as we are, and it frustrates and disappoints us when they fail to catch on and meet our expectations. We sometimes like to speak our minds and make our true feelings known even if others may not want to hear them. And sometimes, when we are confident that someone's words are not worth listening to, we simply detach ourselves from the conversation, letting the other party rant on without accomplishing anything. Lastly, we don't like letting others take advantage of us or think that we are at fault when there's still room for us to defend ourselves. We'll take all the proof and reasoning we have, even if it's not much, and do whatever we can to stand our ground.

Some of these are good personality traits while others are character flaws. Sometimes, they can be either good or bad, depending on how they are applied. But one thing I've started to notice more and more is that when two people with all these traits have to work together, the result can sometimes be quite chaotic. And that probably explains pretty much all of the "miscommunications" my boss and I have had. Here's a typical scenario - When in a hurry, she tells me to do something without realizing what I'm capable of or not yet capable of. I fail to meet those expectations because they're simply impossible given the amount of experience/knowledge I have. She gets frustrated that things don't get done right, which in turn leaves me frustrated as well. And because we both feel like we're able to defend ourselves, neither is willing to end the conversation letting the other feel victorious.

The older I get, the more I understand that most problems in life are caused by more than one person. That means when I rush to point my finger at someone, chances are I'm not exactly all that innocent myself. That's why sometimes it's more important for people to focus on finding solutions to problems than for them to figure out who to blame. When people around me are willing to keep cool, I gladly do so with them. But when people insist on playing offense, it's only natural for me to assume the role of defense. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy working with my boss and in this company, and I do my best to learn to the best of my ability so that I'll be able to meet the many needs around me. But given the way our personalities are, it's inevitable to encounter problems here and there. And when I'm forced to play defense, it means that there will be a gap between what people think I'm capable of and what I'm actually capable of, because I can't give someone my all if I know they'll only expect more from me. In the end, it's their loss, not mine.

Of course, given that this is a boss-employee relationship, and that I'm the newest and least experienced member of the company, I tend to play nice whenever possble. And regardless of whether I'm new or not, I always try my best to maintain the humble, teachable attitude that has made me appreciate this job so much ever since the day I stepped into the office for the first time. That's the beauty of my job right now - even almost half a year into it, I'm still so certain that it was God who brought me there and that He has great reasons for doing so. And each time I treat myself to a restroom break and get my mind out of the office for a few minutes, I once again find that great peace telling me that God's gonna do His part as long as I do mine. One thing I must remember, though, is that "turning the other cheek" doesn't mean simply being an idiot and letting others do whatever they want with me. God gave me a brain, so I'm going to use it. God gave me a mouth, so I must speak when there are words that need to be spoken. However, once I've done what I could, the rest is in His hands. And keeping in mind that it was God who amazingly lifted me out of my past frustrations and insecurities and blessed me with this job that is much greater than anything I deserve, I truly believe that in Him nothing is impossible.

It's safe to say that most of the time when my boss and I have disagreements or miscommunications, we're both at fault in one way or another. This is a lesson I've been learning ever since my last "real" job several summers ago (as a warehouse employee). Everyone makes mistakes, regardless of position. We all go through times when we're simply not in the mood to smile and be extra nice to everyone. We all go through times when we feel overwhelmed by heavy workloads and simply want the rest of the world to shut up and leave us alone so we can finish what we need to do. And during those times, we sometimes say things we don't really mean to say, or do things we don't really mean to do, and we may hurt others through our words or actions without even realizing it. I know my boss is very kind and patient - why else would she hire someone like me and put in so much time and effort to lead me this far? I know that she has good intentions, even if they may seem demanding or even unreasonable at times. And I know that I'm truly blessed to work under a boss who cares just as much about me as an individual as she does about me as her employee. Even though I feel quite frustrated right now, I really shouldn't be complaining. I must keep my focus on God and be brave, both to defend myself with wisdom and to face difficult situations with confidence. In the end, God sees and knows everything. And if I truly believe that He has a reason for letting me have this job, then I must also truly believe that aside from Him there is nothing and no one I need to fear.

05/01: Being a student at UCLA has given me countless opportunities to meet people who come from places other than Southern California. Many of the friends I've met spent much of their lives in cities, states, or even countries that I've never been to, and our interactions have not only taught me a great deal about the places I'm unfamiliar with, but also made the world seem like a much smaller place to me. I knew all along though, that there was a big problem I would have to deal with eventually - once we finished college, how would we keep our friendships from falling apart because of distance? I did my best to regularly visit my friends who were still at UCLA after I graduated and cherish the precious time we got to spend together. But now, most of them have graduated too, and those who haven't will be graduating in about a month. Almost a year ago, I began planning something I never attempted on my own before - a little adventure that would allow me to see several of my friends from college that I have kept in touch with but live far away. There were many barriers I had to overcome and many struggles I had to deal with, and for several months those things have held me back. But now, the wait is finally over. After many hours of planning, researching, staring at maps, and calling people for help throughout this past week, I'm very excited to announce that my first-ever Nor-Cal area trip has been booked for this Memorial Day weekend (5/28-5/29).

I'm sure my friends can all testify that I live a life with very few regrets (if any at all). But if there was one thing in the recent past that I could go back and change, it would be to make this trip happen right when I originally wanted to. Back when tutoring was my main job, I had full control over my time, and I could have made the trip much longer, which would give me much more time to spend with the people I care so much about but rarely get to see. My concerns at the time revolved largely around the fact that my unstable income didn't allow me to spend so much money on traveling. I held on tightly to the fact that Clay Music tours in Nor-Cal at least once every couple years, and that if I got to participate and simply stick around a few days longer, I could visit my friends without paying for my own plane tickets. Also, some of my friends who live near me have considered doing a road trip to Nor-Cal, which would help eliminate the need to travel alone, and probably also lessen some expenses by splitting them among everyone. To be honest, though, even though my job wasn't very stable at the time, I definitely had enough to justify the trip; what really stopped me was my own fear of the unknown and the uncomfortable - something that has absolutely no right to get in the way of my relationships with my friends.

Now that I have a full time job, I really don't have a choice other than to make this trip only a weekend long. But I've definitely learned my lesson. I can sit here forever thinking about the trip and daydreaming about the most ideal scenarios, but in the end it's not going to get me anywhere unless I get out of my comfort zone and do what I need to do. I've already waited too long, and I refuse to let my selfishness delay this trip any longer. Even if I had to fly up north and back on the same day, it would still be well worth it. I may not have all the time in the world to spend, but I definitely have enough, and so I'm going to put what I have to good use.

Of course, I must thank Christine and Sophia, who, ever since they graduated last year and moved back to Nor-Cal, have been asking me to visit, and have invited me through all kinds of ways, from sending me promotions for airline discounts to getting me excited by telling me about how fun this trip can be. Even though they know that I'm usually very busy and have told me to not let this trip be a burden to me, I insisted that the burden was exactly what I needed. I wanted to make this trip happen, and was willing to make sacrifices for it, but I was simply too scared (and a little lazy) to do my part. This time, I told myself I wasn't going to stop pushing myself until the airplane tickets were booked. And now that the booking confirmation is sitting on my desk in front of me, every last bit of hesitation has been pushed aside, and all I need to do is figure out how things will work once I'm actually in Nor-Cal.

The plan right now is to spend Saturday in the East Bay area and Sunday in the Sacramento area. Yes, it's going to be a long drive back and forth, but after weighing probably about a dozen options, this is still the best plan. As for where I'm going to spend the night, I guess I will figure that out eventually, based on what my schedule both days will look like. One thing I know for sure, though, is that as long as I sleep well enough to have enough strength to drive safely and be mentally alert to enjoy the trip, I'll do whatever I can to make the most out of the precious time I have there.

This trip will be, for me, an experience full of "firsts". It is my first time trying to arrange airplane tickets, rental cars, and hotels on my own. It will be the first time in over half a decade that I fly somewhere purely for fun and not to perform music. And of course, it will be my first time finding my way around Nor-Cal on my own. Ever since I was old enough to drive, I have done many "area trips" in various places including L.A., Orange County, and San Diego. This adventure, however, will definitely raise the bar to a whole new level. While I've learned that efficiency should not take precedence over spending quality time with friends, I can't help but wish that every last moment of this trip will be very well spent. But there's really no better way to spend this time than to be with people I care about, and considering how much there is to do in so little time, I'm sure the only thing that will disappoint me is that I can't stay longer. Words can't describe how much I'm looking forward to this mini-vacation. The more the plans start falling into place, the more I realize just how amazing the trip will be. There's so much I don't know that I won't find out until I'm actually there. But that only adds to the sense of adventure that's slowly building up inside of me. Now that the trip is officially scheduled, the hardest thing for me to do is contain my excitement and stay focused on my daily life between now and then!