12/31: 2011 Reflections

It's New Year's Eve, and I'm here at home by myself. I originally had a few potential plans in mind, but ended up deciding to stay home and take time to relax and think about this past year. The fact that I appreciate being by myself so much now only serves to show just how eventful and fulfilling life has been. Most people feel that once you get older, life becomes increasingly boring. And given that I'm over a quarter of a century old and spend eight hours a day sitting at an office desk, it would only make sense that my life is rather dull. But looking back at this past year, I find myself truly amazed at just how exciting and meaningful my life is.

I spent many weekends enjoying epic car-spotting adventures, some of which required me to wake up at ridiculous hours or left me feeling sore for several days. I planned a trip to Nor-Cal to visit three good friends from college, further reinforcing my belief that, with effort, friendships can stand the tests of distance and time (05/29). I had the honor of performing with G-Vo at an event hosted by KIIS FM at Universal Citywalk (04/15). I also joined him on stage at his album release concert, an event well worth the countless hours spent practicing and preparing for it (06/26). I made new friends and reconnected with old ones. I learned many valuable lessons and gained many priceless experiences through my job. I finished my first year at Bible Study Fellowship (05/10) and proceeded with another. I began attending a new church group that has encouraged and helped me in many ways. And I have yet to mention the unforgettable UCLA visits, incredible parties, life-changing conversations, precious family gatherings, exciting dinner outings, and all kinds of other things that have made 2011 such a memorable year.

With all that said, I must emphasize the fact that life is about so much more than just me. In fact, if I should take any pride in my life and all that it consists of, it is only because God has blessed me so much that I have no choice but to fall on my knees and acknowledge His sovereignty. I remember taking a walk during lunch break one day and complaining to God about how unfair He was to allow the tragic earthquake and tsunami in Japan to take place (03/13). Then I came to a new realization - no less unfair than the disasters in Japan was the fact that, while so many people were suffering, I could be on the other side of the ocean, living such a good life. Every day, disasters take place that are completely beyond the control of even the strongest, wisest, and wealthiest human beings. There is only one way to find true and lasting peace - faith that the God of the universe really does love His children. And as this year progressed, I learned to be more and more thankful upon realizing just how blessed I really am.

Much of that realization came from time that I spent alone praying to God or just thinking about life. After a successful summer barbecue party in my backyard (07/04), I began wondering why, even though I've been blessed with a very nice yard, I only go outside to enjoy it when I host a party. So I started to spend more time there, whether it's to talk on the phone, watch the sunset with friends, or just relax by myself. Almost every night, I would go outside and lie on a bench, talking to God while gazing at the stars. Five minutes would turn into ten, then twenty, then an hour. I would speak out loud, sing songs, laugh and cry, and sometimes jump up and down and dance. And despite my busy schedule, especially on weekdays, those times would always leave me feeling stronger and more refreshed.

One night, I stepped outside for a quick prayer before going to bed, and my attention was seized by three shooting stars that dashed across the sky (08/07). Humbled by such an incredible sight, I laid aside my desire to sleep and praised God. As I stared at the sky in amazement, I realized that I was literally looking into an infinitely great distance that only God can fathom. All of the intricate details, both at a cosmic level and a microscopic level, forced me to conclude that my life really must not be an accident. Suddenly, all of the little things in life that I had taken for granted became blessings to be thankful for. From the job I have to the house I live in to the car I drive, there are far too many things I have that I don't deserve. Who am I to be blessed with the ability to create and perform beautiful music? Who am I to have such a wonderful family by my side? Who am I to have so many great friends who, among billions of people in this world, God allowed to cross paths with me at the right place and the right time, given all the right circumstances, so that we would become a part of each other's life stories?

I often felt so blessed that, even in the middle of a busy day in the office, I would experience spontaneous bursts of overwhelming joy that put a huge smile on my face. But even so, I was still limiting God's infinite power to the extent of my finite imagination. As far as I could see, things were already as good as they ever could get. But God was not done yet. Little did I know that, before the end of summer, a girl that I enjoyed many phone conversations with and got to perform at a recital with would become so close to me that we would admit to each other that we wanted to be more than friends.

After a couple months of spending a lot of time together and getting to know each other better, Tiffany and I decided to take a leap of faith and commit to a relationship - my first, and hopefully only, dating relationship (11/08). Suddenly, I found myself in a new stage of life, filled with new challenges to face and new lessons to learn. We both believe that it was God who allowed us to meet and gave us the many opportunities we had to get to know each other as friends. And we both know that, even though we have many imperfections and weaknesses, God will always help us grow stronger, both as individuals and as a couple.

Looking back now at the end of another year, I find myself once again amazed beyond description. Who would have guessed a year ago that I would be capable of doing the things I do in the office now? Who would have guessed that some of my friends who I felt were becoming increasingly distant would now become such an integral part of my life? And who would have guessed that I would, for the first time in my life, not be single anymore? The chance of things randomly turning out the way they did is probably one in a million, if not one in billions and trillions. And that leads me to conclude once again that, as hard as it may be to believe sometimes, I was created for a purpose, and God really does have a plan for my life.

And again, it's really not about me. But I do have a choice - one that I must make on a daily basis. Do I want to settle for an ordinary life and wake up every morning desiring only to do what it takes to get by, or do I want to trust in God and allow Him to blow me away with the stories He writes in my life? I admit this choice isn't always easy to make. Even now, there are many fears, insecurities, and struggles in my life that have yet to be resolved. In fact, some of the scars in my heart are so deep that, despite always trying my best to be honest and open, I don't have the courage to speak about them. And some things I have to face in the future are so agonizing that I am afraid to even think about them. But it is in my weaknesses that God's strength is made most evident. And it is in my weaknesses that I come to see most clearly just how faithful He is. Nothing in my life, good or bad, would have taken place if God didn't allow it to. And if He has a reason for letting things happen, then I really shouldn't be complaining.

If there's only one thing I learned this year, it is that I'm blessed. And I'm not talking about the material possessions I own or the people surrounding me. Being blessed is not about having a lot compared to others. Depending on who I'm being compared to, I can be seen as rich or poor, strong or weak, attractive or ugly, smart or dumb, sociable or weird. But is God not eager to pour out His blessings on all of His children? If I choose to compare, then I will end up either filled with too much pride or unable to find contentment in what I am and have. I know that I am blessed because I, like all of God's children, am created in His image and called to live a unique life that no other person can live. I've made countless mistakes in this past year, and chances are I will make many more mistakes in the year to come. But God forgives me of my sins, and gives me strength to get back on my feet and move forward. Such knowledge gives me hope, joy, and peace that extends beyond all circumstances. Rather than comparing myself to others, I need to remember that the stories in my life are written by none other than the God who created the universe. And there's no better life for me to live than that which God intends for me to live.

So as 2011 comes to an end, I welcome 2012 with open arms and an open heart. God is always faithful, and there's nothing in this world that can change that. Only He knows what major events will take place next year, both across the world and in my own life. Only He knows what changes will take place in my job, my family, my relationship with Tiffany, my home, my church, my finances, and my friendships. And only by continuing to trust in Him can I continue to feel assured that I'm walking on the right path. There has not been a single year in which I looked back at the end and did not find myself humbled and amazed, and I know 2012 will be no exception. With that in mind, I surrender my pen to Him once again, knowing that I will be able to look back at the end of 2012 and once more be blown away by the exciting stories He has written.

12/31: Impromptu Car-Spotting Trip

It's the first day of a desperately-needed three-day weekend, and I was surprised when I realized last night that I had not made plans to go anywhere or hang out with anyone. Mom and Carol both had church activites to attend. Tiffany was at a retreat. Most of my friends had plans for the day already. It's quite rare nowadays that I find such a large block of free time to spend by myself. And when I woke up this morning, I knew exactly how I wanted to spend it. I grabbed my camera, started driving west, and spent four hours in Beverly Hills shooting cars.

At first, I kept telling myself I was crazy. After all, the drive there and back is pretty long, and there were lots of things I needed to do at home. But the last time I went to the Golden Triangle was back in May, and other than the brief (and rainy) spotting session at the L.A. Auto Show, I hadn't gone on a major spotting trip since my last C&C trip in August. Plus, given that I spend eight hours a day staring at a computer screen in the office, my body was in desperate need of some exercise - the kind that leaves me feeling exactly like I do now - totally sore, but totally content.

I told myself to quit hesitating and just get in the car and start driving, as crazy as it seemed (since I typically have things planned out way ahead of time). And I set the four-hour timeframe simply so I could take advantage of two hours of free parking in the underground structure and two hours of free street parking. Traffic was surprisingly smooth, and at 11:30 I arrived at the Triangle, hopped on my "magic carpet", and began the adventure.

Honestly, I had no idea what to expect. Would people choose to stay at home on New Year's Eve, or would they all come out to play? But I knew that either way, at least I would get a good amount of "bread & butter" footage (F430's, Bentleys, etc.) so that I can stop depending on old footage to keep Exotic Affinity active. And I'm glad to say that I'm definitely not disappointed.

Let's start with the "basics"- a few Phantom Drophead Coupes, three Mercedes SLS Gullwings, and three Ferrari 599 GTB's. Plus a couple Gallardos (coupe + LP560 roadster). Plus a Diablo. Plus a rare classic Packard. Plus Bijan's Veyron (which finally has a license plate now). And lots, lots more.

Then there's the slightly more exciting stuff. A Phantom (fixed-head) Coupe. A brand new SLS Roadster (my first time seeing one). A white Phantom DHC with insane Asanti wheels probably worth as much as some people's cars. A 599 GTO (in addition to the 3 GTB's). And decked-out lime green Murcielago LP640.

By then, all I really still craved was something truly unique and different that would be remembered as the highlight of the trip. And when I turned a corner onto good ol' Rodeo Drive, I knew my craving had been satisfied -

12/30: We were all looking forward to the three-day weekend, especially when the boss told us that today was a "half-day", meaning we could leave as soon as we finished all of our work. Because we weren't sure ahead of time if today would be a half-day, I had already squeezed a lot of my end-of-the-week tasks into the free time I had throughout the week so that I wouldn't be left with a crapload of things to do today. One of our co-workers is on vacation, and with a company of just six people, every absense means chaos for the rest of us.

We all wanted to be nice and help each other out. But sometimes, I really wanted everyone to just shut up and leave me alone to focus on my work, especially when they bugged me every two minutes or so with something random that distracted me from doing my own work. I'm a big fan of staying organized, and when things become uncontrollably messy, it's very easy for me to become frustrated. Honestly, I wasn't planning on leaving early even though I finished my work ahead of time. I always like to plan things ahead of time, and with dinner plans already secured at 5:30 near the office, it would be pretty pointless for me to drive home and go back. Still, the fact that sitting in the office meant more work would be thrown at me made me prefer going to my car to rest, read a book, or write journal entries - things I can always use more time for. My co-worker, who was bombarded with a crazy amount of work thanks to the absent co-worker, handed me a stack of things to do, very disorganized and not technically in my job description for the day. (If volunteering to stay longer means I'm required to do more work, why the heck would I want to stay?) I was very tempted to leave everything just as disorganized, complete the few things in the stack that I was actually required to do, and dump the rest back at her as if I didn't get her hint that she wanted me to help, then quickly grab my belongings, say "Happy New Year", and get my butt out of there before more would be asked of me.

That's when I stopped to ask myself, "what's the rush?" It's a question I really need to ask myself more often. Upon realizing that I wasn't exactly in a rush to get anywhere, I decided to climb out of the selfish little hole I dug for myself and just be nice. I organized a few things and typed up a few documents, which, as much as I didn't want to do them at first, really didn't take all that long. As planned, I left the office at 5:00. By then, I had completed many miscellaneous tasks around the office that I normally do only when I'm free, plus helped my co-worker with a lot of time-consuming work. There was still more for her to do, but I had already done everything I could to help. And both of us were extremely content. Before I left, the boss commented that this is what the spirit of teamwork is supposed to look like. And as I wished everyone a Happy New Year and left the office, I really felt like I had done my best, and that the positive result was evident.

I won't deny that lately I haven't really been putting my heart into my work. Life has pushed me through a few speed bumps that have left me extremely frustrated, and I've been allowing myself to go to work every day with the attitude of simply wanting to get stuff done and forget what everyone else thinks. But when I left work today, I realized that I really hadn't felt this good after a day in the office in a very long time. Even though I technically stayed later than necessary, there's a lot more to a good day at work than just getting things over with. From the day I first got this job, I've always prayed that God would teach me what it means to go to work as an act of worship to Him. And now, I feel like He has just answered that prayer once again. What a great way to end the last work-day of the year!

12/21: The man. A noble gentleman and brave warrior. He opens doors for women and treats girls with respect. He honors the wisdom of the old and protects the innocence of the young. He stands for righteousness and fights for the weak. He is a hero, with strength to do things he never thought he could. But he is disciplined, exercising his power in humility. The world doesn't always notice him, but it doesn't matter, because he knows his true identity - a man after his creator's heart, a reflection of his maker's image, a citizen of heaven, a prince.

The beast. A powerful villain and hungry predator. He gnashes his teeth at all who are in his path, and devours those who show any hint of aggression against him. He curses the weaknesses of the old and looks down on the stupidity of the young. He stands for pride and fights for himself. He is a monster, with strength to do things he never thought he could. He knows no restraint, exercising power to satisfy his appetite. The world sees him with eyes of confusion, fear, anger, and sorrow. Many have tried to stop him, but in the end he always grows stronger. And through his ever-increasing strength, he has formed his identity - a self-sufficient being, a mighty conquerer, an unstoppable force.

The man awakens. He walks through the crowd, unnoticed but content. He looks at the world with eyes of compassion and love. Those who speak to him discover quickly that he is different, but respect him for those differences. He leaves smiles on their faces, and they leave one on his. He returns home, falls on his knees, and praises his maker for life and everything it consists of, and in the end he finds an overflowing joy that makes him even stronger.

The beast awakens. He runs through the crowd, making sure all eyes are on him. He tramples over many, though they have done nothing wrong. He searches for those who are weak and careless, and fixes his eyes on those who oppose his ways. When the opportunity comes, he springs to action, taking joy in their suffering. He returns home, leaving behind him a trail of destruction but having gained confidence that leaves him feeling stronger.

The man rises again. He sees the wounded and helps them get back on their feet. He does his best to clean up the mess and repair the damage, so that the world will forget the beast's existence and live in peace once again. The beast returns, once again hungry. His strength, like the man's, has grown, and he once again inflicts pain and destruction on many, regardless of whether they are guilty or innocent, weak or strong. The man's acts of compassion and kindness are of no worth to him.

Both the man and the beast find themselves amazed over and over again at how much power they possess. The man's ever-increasing joy enables him to do just about anything. The beast's ever-growing confidence also makes him eager to take on new challenges. The battle continues, and with each loss, the loser eventually rises stronger. Neither feels defeated, because there is no end to the growth of their strength in sight. However, there is one who stands between them, who feels the blows of either side and bears the consequences of their actions. This body belongs to them both. The man and the beast are one creature, with two heads and two minds. This war is not against the world, but rather against each other over control of the heart. They must fight restlessly, because whenever one sleeps, the other quickly takes the lead.

With each battle, the fighting becomes more intense. And as strength increases, so do the risks and consequences. Then, in an unprecedented battle, the beast, for reasons known only to himself, sinks his teeth into the body. Perhaps he simply underestimated his strength. Or perhaps he was so discontent with his victims in the world that he chose the man as the next. But unlike any past battles, this one has no victor, because the only blood that was shed was that which was shared between the two sides.

Both the man and beast are left weak and wounded. For the first time, the two now carry a common burden - that of bearing the pain of a scar so deep that it may remain forever. If only one can slay the other and end the fighting once and for all! But both the man and the beast know that the only way for one to die is for the other to also die. There are only two paths to choose from - Either the two will let their burden crush them, ending their shared existence for the good of the world, or they will continue to fight, even if the battle will last for eternity, at the risk of even greater consequences. Many in the world have already given up on them, and seek to destroy them both. After all, if there is no villian, then there is no need for a hero.

The man cries out to heaven, agonized and afraid. He knows he has every reason to be confident, but a giant cloud of fear and doubt has overshadowed his faith. But will he let the beast, who believes in none greater than himself and finds confidence without a solid foundation, continue in his wicked ways? Surely there will come a day when the beast rises above these wounds and becomes stronger. Will the man, too, find strength to heal and become stronger?

He knows that he must. If he stops fighting, the world will suffer at the hands of the beast. So with the little strength left, he continues to fight, knowing that it is better for him to die than to live with the guilt of indifference. The beast, though also weak, continues to fight back. Every good warrior learns from past experiences, and the man has fought this war long enough to know that, as the fighting proceeds, more blood may be shed, and more innocent people may be hurt, perhaps in ways more dreadful than anything he can imagine now. But he knows deep inside that the story must not end here.

The man - the prince, who has lost sight of his glorious citizenship - continues to cry out to heaven, wondering whether or not this war is truly worth fighting, and whether or not he can ever become strong enough to face the challenges ahead of him. And with the little faith he has left, he waits, day after day, for an answer - a glimmer of hope that will help him rediscover his true identity and find strength to commit to this war until his very last breath.

12/11: SNU. Haven't done one of these in a while... It's the end of an awesome weekend filled with spontaneity. Yesterday morning, I joined Carol, Peggy, Joseph, and Chris for a wonderful homemade breakfast consisting of just about everything I'd normally order at Denny's or Ihop. Even though I haven't been attending their small group activities for various reasons, I won't deny that it's great to enjoy some fellowship with the people I sing praise songs with every Sunday.

Then Tiffany came over, and after hanging out for a bit with the GCCI peeps, we went out for a nice stroll around the mall, followed by a quick, warm dinner at Phoenix, before heading out to Evergreen for Dream & Imagine's latest Coffeehouse. Even though this was a much smaller Coffeehouse, I realized about a week ago that it would be a perfect opportunity to invite some of the friends that I've become increasingly close with in these past few months. And we all had a wonderful time listening to music, enjoying great conversations, and forming new friendships.

Juliann, Ken, Tiffany, and I decided to go for a little late-night Boston Cafe run afterwards. It was just like the old worship team days, except for the fact that I'm no longer single. Today the party continued right where it left off last night. Tiffany swung by to visit GCCI after her church service ended, and we met up with Ken, Juliann, and Ming for lunch at Earthen. Then we went to hang out at Ming's church (RHCCC), where we enjoyed an amazing impromptu praise session.

From there on, it was all girlfriend time. And after a busy and exciting couple days, we were both very glad to just sit at home and relax. I guess what made this weekend so amazing is that so many different people from different circles were able to meet each other, build friendships, and spend time together with both quality and quantity. I always feel blessed to see friends from different groups become friends with each other. And I feel especially blessed to see people from different churches and fellowships get together and hang out after our individual church services, expanding the spirit of worship beyond our own church walls and celebrating the faith that holds us together. And as Christmas and New Year's come closer, I'm sure there will be many more opportunities for random gatherings like this. In fact, I think I may have a couple ideas in mind already!

12/09: Ching Chang Wing Wang

I'm not racist. I'm not even trying to be funny. For those who haven't heard, there's a real restaurant called "Ching Chang Wing Wang". Yes, it's a Chinese restaurant. And yes, it specializes in - you guessed it - wings. Last week, Kevin emailed everyone at The Bridge informing us of the location of our latest dinner gathering. Some thought he was being funny, and others thought it was a bad joke. Either way, we didn't even get to eat there at the end, because the power was out in the entire block, and all the Changs and Wangs that work there had to stay at home.

Now that most of the power outages from last week's storm have been repaired, we decided to give the little restaurant another shot last night. To be honest, it wasn't until I arrived and saw the place in person that I was fully convinced such a place actually exists. Still, I can't help but wonder about a couple things. First, who the heck names a restaurant "Ching Chang Wing Wang"? Second, who the heck wants to work at a place called "Ching Chang Wing Wang"? Just imagine a white guy talking with his Chinese friend about where to go for dinner. "Hey, let's go grab some Chinese food. How about Ching Chang Wing Wang?" Either the Chinese guy will bust out some kung-fu moves and knock the daylights out of his friend, or he will say yes knowing that it's not supposed to be a joke.

Fortunately for my non-Chinese friends, I don't know any kung-fu, and I usually don't mind when people joke about my culture (since the truth is that most racial stereotypes don't form without people who constantly contribute to them). But either way, I definitely recommend Ching Chang Wing Wang to anyone who is in the mood for some delicious Asian-style wings. Aside from a great combination of crispiness on the outside and juiciness on the inside, there are some unique flavors, including black sugar, curry, cumin, rice wine, and wasabi.

Of course, we all know that Chinese people love discounts. And as if the wings weren't good enough, Ching Chang Wing Wang currently has some excellent special offers including buy-one-get-one-free boba milk tea (with free boba), discounted meals with purchase of a drink, and 39˘(!) wings. Oh, and the discounts are actually stackable. And that left us so eager to figure out the best deal that we went crazy working out all the calculations just to save a few bucks. It might have been a little less stressful if we decided to just, umm, wing it.

Anyway, the point of this entry is to spread the word about the restaurant, since it's so small that most people can drive by it every day without knowing it exists. And besides, anyone with the audacity to name a restaurant "Ching Chang Wing Wang" truly deserves some recognition. If you're not tempted yet, just imagine telling all your friends that you had dinner at Ching Chang Wing Wang and seeing the looks on their faces. Even if the food sucked, it would still be worth visiting at least once, just for the name's sake. But I got to try five of the wing flavors last night, and none of them were disappointing. Now I just need to try the rest of them. Let me know if you want to join me!

12/07: Thanks to my co-workers who introduced me to Southern California Edison's website last week, I was able to capture this rather epic screenshot-

11/29: When I walked into the office building yesterday morning, I was welcomed by the smooth jazz music that always plays in the lobby and in the restrooms. But at some point between then and lunchtime, whoever is in charge of DJ'ing switched the soundtrack to the ever-so-lovely tunes that remind me it's almost Christmas. What a wonderful feeling! Something about Christmas music, no matter how many times I've heard the same songs, always makes me happy. I guess I'm one of those guys that will never outgrow the childlike Christmas spirit.

I find it a little funny how just about everybody assumes that the Christmas season begins once Thanksgiving is over. My family usually starts listening to Christmas music for the first time during Thanksgiving dinner. Many people use the holiday weekend to decorate their Christmas trees or put up lights around the house. And of course, a good number of Black Friday shoppers probably already have their shopping list in mind. But I can't help but feel that the way Thanksgiving overlaps so naturally with Christmas is supposed to be a good reminder to myself that the holiday season is not only a time to be happy, but also to be thankful.

As hard as it is to believe, this year is almost coming to an end. And I believe much of what made this year so memorable is the fact that God has taught me more and more of what it means to be thankful. And as I learned to be increasingly thankful for the small things in life that are easy to take for granted, God also poured out many huge blessings that left me speechless and amazed, unable to comprehend why He is so good to me. Even though the year is not over yet, I'm quite certain that when it comes time to write the end-of-the-year reflection entry, this attitude of thankfulness will be a huge part of what I write about. For now, as I find myself once again feeling the childlike joy of the Christmas season, I pray that whether I'm buying presents, listening to holiday music, looking at decorations, or just enjoying the atmosphere of it all, I will do it with a thankful heart, giving praise to God and remembering what Christmas is really all about.

11/21: It's been a while since I felt this way - mentally so awake, but physically so exhausted. But I guess part of the reason I enjoy going to car shows is that it allows me to get a tremendous amount of exercise. And yes, I take great pleasure in feeling sore - it's not exactly comfortable, but it brings the great contentment of knowing that I have put effort into doing something I love.

Of course, the rain yesterday didn't exactly help, and I'd still like to believe that Mother Nature likes to mess with me, since almost every year when I pick a day to go to the LA Auto Show, it ends up raining super hard. I could have waited until next weekend, but considering how I'll probably have other plans over the long weekend, I figured it was best to get one big activity out of the way first.

I ended up improvising my way through the afternoon and evening. After fighting through ridiculous L.A. traffic to get inside the parking structure (and receiving the pleasant surprise that they did not jack up the price to twice what it's supposed to be like they often do on busy days), I figured that, rain or shine, it was probably best to do all the parking lot & street spotting first. After all, my camera is much better at taking pictures during the day, and chances are there probably wouldn't be much to shoot in the middle of a rainstorm anyway.

The outcome was surprisingly good for a rainy day. At first, my stubbornness prompted me to leave my umbrella in the car for the sake of having one less item to carry around. But after realizing how ridiculous I looked drenched from head to toe and concluding that getting sick wouldn't make my life any better, I decided to run back to my car to get my umbrella, figuring that even though it really sucks (I paid $2 for it in Taiwan), at least it would keep my camera dry. The funny thing is that I was in the middle of filming a Lotus when I realized the need for my umbrella, and after running down two long blocks and up the parking structure stairway, then all the way back to my original location, I discovered that the car had only moved about 10 feet. Oh, the joy of L.A. traffic. Who the heck drives a Lotus in a rainstorm anyway?

After over half a dozen street spottings, I decided to go inside the Convention Center for the actual show. I'm really glad that, despite the bad economy and the absense of many big players in the auto industry, there were still a good number of wild concept cars to remind everyone that there's still room for creativity and excitement. And for those who are disappointed that Ferrari and Lamborghini are not represented, just go check out Kentia Hall, and you'll find an Aventador, an Enzo, and dozens of other supercars, including two Veyrons(!).

On a side note, for those who buy spare batteries for cameras, here's a little piece of advise - don't think that because the camera manufacturer doesn't actually make the batteries, it's okay to pay half the price for the same battery from an unknown brand and expect it to work just as well. I was convinced by that theory a few years ago and saved 20 bucks by buying a battery without the Canon logo on it. Now, the consequences are more clear than ever before - I went to the auto show with all three batteries fully charged, and when I popped the non-Canon battery into the camera, it gave me just enough juice to take a whopping five pictures before needing another recharge. I ended up having to find a bench in the hallway and sit there like an idiot for 20 minutes while waiting for one of the good batteries to recharge with enough power to get through the rest of the show.

With that said, I'm really glad to be able to enjoy a day of my crazy personal hobby, even if it left me drenched and sore. If only I had a chance to put my "magic carpet" (scooter) to good use! But I guess that will have to wait until I plan a trip to C&C or Beverly Hills. I'm surprised that, during the time between SEMA and the LA show, there hasn't been any special appearances at C&C. But who knows, maybe after the auto show is over, someone will be nice enough to bring one of the concept cars over to Irvine. I guess I'll just have to keep doing my research!

11/16: Thanks to the few students I still tutor, I get to do a little local commuting throughout the week. That's one of the things I miss most about the old tutoring days. But considering how crazy my schedule is throughout the week, I can't imagine what life would be like now if I still had to deal with all the instabilities of my old job. Of course, having to drive from house to house every hour was only fun because it gave me many opportunities to put my camera to good use. And considering I now have much more important things to spend my time on than always searching for nice cars to shoot, it's no surprise that I haven't collected any good footage for probably a few months. Still, I seize the few opportunities I have to shoot, and today's opportunity was simply too good to miss.

It goes without saying that every time I drive by Hing Wa Lee plaza, I slow down and scan the parking lot. Earlier this evening, I thought I spotted something unusual, but soon concluded that my assumption was too good to be true. Still, I made a u-turn to ease my curiosity. And, omigosh, there it was - a beautiful silver Carrera GT, all $440,000 of it!

11/09: One Year at Agape Shipping

"You won't feel that way for long." That's what a good friend said to me after I told him I enjoyed my full-time office job. Having worked at Agape Shipping for only about a month at the time, everything was still fresh and new. Considering my previous job as a private academic tutor, which left me increasingly frustrated by its instability and awkward hours, getting my first full-time office job was a dream come true. It broke my heart to hear my friend's seemingly confident words, especially given that he knew about the journey that led me to the job. I continued to have faith, clinging on to my belief that God was not calling me to live a boring and mundane life. And one year later, I'm glad to know that I was right.

God knows it's a human tendency to want to take credit for accomplishments and feel like everything is under our control. I believe that's why, many times when He decides to bless me, He does so in such a way that I'm left with no doubt that it's from Him. When I finally came to the realization that I wanted a full-time office job for the first time in my life and turned to God for direction, He didn't just have me prepare my résumé and fill out a bunch of job applications hoping that at least one of them would lead to an open door. Things happened so quickly that I didn't have time to start searching for jobs or even get on my knees and seriously pray about it. But that's why, from the day I stepped into the office for the first time, I had no doubt that it was God who opened the door for me to be a part of this company.

Having this job has been such a blessing to me that there were times when I had to stop in a parking lot while driving home from work and let the tears fall from my eyes as I wondered why God loved me so much and tried my best to express how thankful I was. It really makes no sense to spend eight hours at a "boring office job" and end up feeling overjoyed. But that makes me even more certain that the joy inside my heart is the result of much more than just the job itself.

I will not deny that things have not always been easy. There were days when people in the office made me frustrated, and there were a few occasions when arguments broke out. There were times when I really didn't feel like being at work, and there were moments when I wondered if this job was really the right job for me. I can easily make a long list of things in the office I want to complain about or disagree with. But I've come to see more and more that conflicts and disagreements are an inevitable part of human interaction. Regardless of position or experience, we all go through times when we simply don't feel like being extra nice to people around us. And when under heavy pressure, we all find it more difficult to maintain our composure. Rather than expecting conflicts and disagreements to never happen, it's more important to focus instead on how to deal with them in a way that is pleasing to God.

Many people naturally think of work as an undesirable burden. But from the day I began working at this job, God placed inside me a firm belief that it was He who blessed me with it. Having been a self-employed private academic tutor ever since I graduated from college, I had no experience with working in an office job. And with a degree in music, I had neither knowledge of the freight forwarding industry nor an education suitable for such a job. Yet just over a week after I first realized I wanted a stable full-time job, I found myself speaking with the boss of Agape Shipping, and the following morning, I began working at my new job. I have no doubt that I did not obtain this job by my own abilities. And that leaves me with no doubt that truly nothing is impossible with God. It is that knowledge that motivates me and gives me hope even in the most frustrating times. And it is that knowledge that moves me to tears and fills me with overwhelming joy even in an environment typically associated with the mundane.

There are definitely sacrifices that have to be made in my life to accomodate a full-time office job. Because I'm no longer my own boss, I have a lot less control over how I like things to be done. And I no longer have the liberty to take days off work anytime I want - a privilege I enjoyed as a tutor but never abused. My life now involves involuntarily waking up early every morning and spending eight hours a day in the same building, without the excitement of commuting from place to place every hour and spending time with different people. But I know that life is about so much more than just a job, and while I do my best to work hard, I also do my best to make sure my life does not get consumed by work. That's why I try to spend my lunch break outside the building and think about things aside from work. That's why I seize every opportunity to walk around and exercise to keep my body active. And by changing my lifestyle to fit the demands of this job, I did not surrender my life to it, but rather to the God who gave it to me.

Each time I stop and think about it, I'm left with no doubt that I'm truly blessed in so many ways. I'm blessed to work in a good environment with a boss who has high expectations that help me to grow and learn quickly but also humbly seeks God's will and allows Him to guide the way she runs the office. I'm blessed to have a job located just 15 minutes from home, saving countless hours that would otherwise be spent stuck in traffic. I'm blessed to work with a team that encourages me to learn rather than shuns me for my lack of qualifications. And I'm blessed with the ability to understand that work is not a means to itself, but rather an opportunity to be productive and earn money so that the free time I have can be put to even better use. Compared to how my life was before getting this job, I feel so blessed to be able to travel longer distances to enjoy my life without stressing about gas money and eat outside with people I care about without feeling like I'm spending more that I'm earning. By realizing how blessed I am, I've also learned (and am continuing to learn) to be increasingly generous, whether it's contributing to the needs of my family, paying for meals when eating outside with friends, or giving to those who are less fortunate.

Many people have asked me if I see myself staying with this company several years from now. As much as I enjoy my life the way it is and want to leave things the way they are, the truth is that only God knows what surprises await me in the future. Life is about so much more than just a job, and the will of God is so much greater than anything in this world that the human mind can comprehend. I've made the mistake of equating God's will with earthly blessings once with my tutoring job, and I don't want to do it again. As long as God wants me to stay with this job, I will gladly do so and strive to make the most out of it. But if someday He calls me to leave, then in the same way I left behind my past job and lifestyle in pursuit of a new direction, I must do so again, having faith that only He sees the big picture and knows what's best in the long run.

Life is full of blessings, but those things will only remain as blessings if I don't let them take the place of the One who gave them to me. Sometimes, great things in life are only stepping stones to even greater things. And while I may not know what the future holds, what I do know now, more confidently than ever before, is that God's love has no bounds, and that with Him nothing is impossible. After one year of working at Agape Shipping, I have learned countless things and gained all kinds of precious experiences that will help me for the rest of my life. And even though so much of my life is beyond my control, I know that right here and right now, I'm doing my best to follow the will of the God who does all things for His glory and the eternal good of His children. Nothing can bring me greater hope, joy, and peace. And that's why I was able to confidently tell my friend who questioned my happiness that I would continue to enjoy my job even when things became boring or frustrating. And as I continue to rejoice over God's unfathomable kindness and faithfulness, I look forward to seeing what He has in store for me and for the company in the future.

11/08: This is a story too good for words. This one of those stories that leave me so amazed that I have no choice but to just fall on my knees and praise God. I've always believed that life is a series of stories written by God, and I've always believed that when people meet and become a part of each other's lives, God has a reason for letting it happen. Each time I think about the way I came to cross paths with the many people I care so much about, I am humbled by the idea that the infinitely powerful God of the universe would care enough to put so much thought into the lives of individuals. Life is simply too incredible to be a mere coincidence, and anytime two people end up at right place and the right time, given all the right circumstances, and decide to become a part of each other's lives, it must be nothing short of a miracle. This is the story of such a miracle, and how it has changed my life in ways I have never even imagined before.

One night in September of last year, I was thinking about how God had denied me the opportunity to participate in a tour to Taiwan in which I would get to see my friends, visit my relatives, and use the gift of music He has blessed me with to bless thousands of people. I concluded that if God would prevent me from doing so many things that were beneficial and good, then surely He must have had something better in mind. That's when I came to the strange but incredible realization that, during the two weeks in which the Taiwan tour was taking place without me, something amazing was going to happen in my life.

It was during those two weeks that I discovered BSF. And it was through BSF that I found the faithful community of believers that I had been desperately praying for. I was blessed with a leader who called me on a weekly basis to check up on me and a small group to pray for me, not to mention daily assignments and weekly lectures to help me continue moving forward in my walk with God. It was through the things I learned at BSF, and the prayers of the brothers in my small group, that I eventually embarked on the journey that led to my first permanent full-time office job, which I have had for almost a year.

The new job transformed me in ways few other things have before. Throughout the journey of life, there are only a handful of events that have such a strong effect, including getting into college, finding a first job, facing traumatizing situations, moving to a completely new environment, and of course, falling in love. For my whole life, I've waited patiently for that special someone, having faith that the God who writes our life stories would let our paths cross when the time was right. When I first went to BSF, I prayed from the bottom of my heart that everyone I met, every conversation I had, and every friendship formed would be for God's glory alone. After finding the community of believers I had desperately prayed for, I thought I had already discovered exactly why God led me to BSF. But God blessed me with more by giving me my full-time job. I thought that was as good as things would get. But God still didn't stop there. By His amazing love, He led me to meet a very special girl who would inspire me to take a huge leap of faith that I had never dared to take before.

One thing that amazed me most about this story is that there were plenty of ways in which things didn't go smoothly, and plenty of reasons for my friendship with her to fall apart. I met her at BSF through a friend who I had met through another friend, and when BSF ended in May, we had not yet exchanged phone numbers, and had no way of keeping in touch. When we did exchange numbers after meeting again through hanging out with a mutual friend, it was because I told her I would invite her to my summer barbecue party, but when the date of the party was set, it turned out she couldn't make it. We attempted to plan our own hangout and grab lunch together, but she ended up cancelling at the last minute, leaving me very frustrated and skeptical about whether this was a friendship really worth investing in. When she decided to call me again about a month later, it was because she wanted to ask me for a favor, and given what had happened before, I had every reason to say no. But somehow, I decided to agree, and in doing so allowed our friendship to grow in ways I had never thought were possible.

The favor was to play piano at a rehearsal for her upcoming voice recital, just so she and her duet partner would have some background music to sing to. Long story short, I ended up being their accompanist at the actual recital too. And because we met up every weekend to rehearse, we had many opportunities to eat and hang out together before and after the rehearsals, through which we got to know each other better and really became good friends. After the recital was over, we continued to meet up and hang out regularly, even though we live half an hour away from each other. We also began talking on the phone frequently, and I found myself constantly amazed at how, each time we called each other just to ask a quick question, it would always turn into an extended conversation. Somehow, she always knew the right questions to ask - the ones that reached straight to my heart and opened up the doors for us to share our lives with each other. Whether we were telling jokes or having deep conversations, we always found ourselves amazed at how quickly time flew by when we talked.

One night, I was outside in the backyard praying and relaxing when she called, and as we talked, our conversation was interrupted when I looked up and saw a beautiful shooting star flash across the sky. I'd like to believe that was the moment when I realized for the first time that perhaps she was really meant to be more than a friend to me. A couple weeks later, she volunteered to go out of her way to do me a favor. That day turned out to be quite a disaster, and I began to wonder why, of all the people I knew, God sent her to be right next to me to comfort me. Then, through some events that led to many tears and a series of emotional rollercoasters, we told each other the truth - we both saw each other as more than just friends and wanted to take the next step forward.

To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was ready. Being in a relationship had been, in the past, only a fantasy to me, and over the years I'd been so focused on being a genuinely good friend to people I care about and trusting in God for anything beyond friendships that I never really spent time thinking about what I wanted in a relationship. I had heard many stories of people who write letters to their future lovers and wanted to do so myself, but I never actually got to it. I had asked myself what specific things I would look for in a girl, but I never actually sat down and listed out anything aside from a few general traits that I had always kept in mind. It wasn't until a little over a year ago, after the Time of Change during which I learned to put my hope and trust in God rather than depend on people for security, that I really began trying to figure out the keys to my own heart, which God understands more than anyone else ever will. And even though I've only figured out so little of what God created me to be, the little I know was enough to tell me that I would not regret my decision to take this huge leap of faith.

We decided to take things very slowly. After all, we had only known each other for a rather short time and both share the belief that a dating relationship is not something to be taken lightly. We both believed that it was God who brought us together and prompted us to see each other as more than friends. But we were aware of our weaknesses as mere humans, prone to mistaking admiration and infatuation for true love and prone to confusing our own desires with the will of God. We agreed to give ourselves two months, during which we would spend time together and get to know each other better before deciding if being in a relationship would be the right thing to do.

We kept our "special friendship" a secret during these two months, for the sake of both protecting ourselves and helping ourselves stay focused on seeking God's will. But God had blessed us with a group of people, both on my side and on her side, to walk beside us and bear witness to the story He was writing in our lives. Several of these witnesses knew about our feelings before we shared them with each other, and became a part of the story through unlikely combinations of being in the right place at the right time and having the right opportunities, leaving me with no doubt that God had placed them there for a reason. Just as God used them to bless us, He has also used us to bless them in many ways. The group was small enough to keep our secret closely guarded, but strong enough to support us and keep us in prayer - something I believe has played a crucial role in shaping the direction of our relationship.

We both found ourselves surprised at the way things progressed in those two months. Even while enjoying every moment of this fresh new experience, we never failed to be real with each other. We definitely had a few disagreements and made a few mistakes that we had to apologize for. And we went through times when we simply didn't feel like being nice to each other. I will not deny that ever since the beginning, there were many doubts, fears, and insecurities that plagued my view of this relationship. And I'm sure it wasn't completely easy on her part either. But the more I thought about it, the more I came to understand that it's unrealistic to expect either one of us to feel completely ready. The truth is that there will always be more room for us to grow. And one thing we've always liked most about each other is our willingness to admit our imperfections and continue to grow stronger through seeking God's will and putting our hope and trust in Him.

Many people try so hard by their own means to look for that special someone, only to be blinded by desperation that prevents them from seeing that true love is patient. By faith, I have waited patiently for 26 years and made the path to my heart very narrow, so narrow that many of my friends have turned away from it. It shocks me to imagine someone who not only accepts the ways in which God has made me unique, but embraces them to a point of wanting to commit to a relationship. As strangers at BSF, we never knew we would actually have a chance to meet each other. As acquaintances who met every week, we never knew we would keep in touch and eventually become friends. And as good friends, we never knew we would one day reach the mutual conclusion that we wanted to be more than friends. We were both content with our lives before meeting each other, and had no intention of seeking to be in a relationship. But that only made it more clear to us that it must have been God who pointed our life stories in the same direction and allowed them to intersect.

Yesterday was the two-month anniversary of the day we first became "special friends". Over the course of these past couple months, we've come to see more and more that we can complement each other's differences, encourage each other in areas of weakness, celebrate each other's strengths, and help each other grow and become stronger as we face whatever challenges are ahead of us. And we both believe that it was God who orchestrated our life stories in such a way that they would cross paths, and that it was He who paved the way, even in the most unlikely situations, for us to come to see each other's hearts. Even though there are still many difficulties and uncertainties ahead of us, we believe that if God has brought us this far, then surely He will give us strength and wisdom to face every challenge if we continue to trust Him and seek His will together. With that in mind, we have decided to take this huge leap of faith together, surrendering our pens to God and trusting Him to write this amazing love story that can only be written by the One from whom all true love comes. So it is with tears of indescribable joy that I would like to introduce publicly, for the first time, my amazing girlfriend, Tiffany Tan.

11/02: As a high school student desperate for social acceptance, I turned to helping others with academic dishonesty in order to earn respect from my peers. It was a temptation difficult to resist even for the most upright individuals; with the pressures of growing up in an Asian-American culture augmented by an environment filled with students who excel in making their parents proud but are too young to really think for themselves, just about all of us figured that a little cheating wouldn't hurt. Little did I know that just a few months into my junior year, one of the answer keys I proudly distributed, which was for an exam in a class I wasn't even taking, would end up in the hands of the dean.

I will never forget the seemingly endless hours I spent sitting nervously in the office. One by one, several of the people I "helped" were called in - the ASB president, the Christan club president, and several others who I had absolutely no intention of doing any harm to. What started as an attempt to find acceptance ended up making me even more of an outcast. Plus, I was assigned a punishment that, while not as severe as it potentially could have been, still left me shattered and unsure if I would ever be able to get back on my feet and face the world again.

I was already a Christian at the time, and was always one of the most active members of our campus Christian club. But aside from the club meetings and activities, my life reflected very little of the God I believed in, especially when the big cheating scandal was uncovered, leading to a flood of rumors and trash talk about me and those who fell for my trap. Blinded by my many fears and insecurities, which made me believe more and more that I was a loser in both my academic life and my social life, not to mention a disgrace to my family and my faith, I found it extremely difficult to live the kind of life I knew God wanted me to live. But even so, God didn't give up on me. In fact, a small action I took in response to that cheating scandal ended up paving the way for me to make a discovery that would forever change the way I view my life.

Broken by my failures, I needed a way to express myself, and turned to my homepage, which I had created over a year ago. It was a popular hobby at the time, when the Internet was still a relatively new discovery. My homepage, like those of my peers, didn't serve much of a purpose other than to give the right to brag about having a place on the Internet. I had just finished designing my third layout and was in the middle of trying to decide what to put on the main page (which was left blank in the mean time), and after spending some time thinking about what I had done wrong that led to the cheating scandal, I decided to use the main page as a public journal to express my feelings. I flipped all the graphics on my site backwards and wrote my first journal entry, explaining that the change symbolized my life at the time, which was also going backwards as I gave up chasing after social acceptance in favor of trying to rearrange my priorities and focusing on doing things that wouldn't lead to trouble.

About a month later, I decided that I was ready to bring things "back to normal". It was then that I realized how much I had enjoyed writing in my online journal and decided to continue it and let it remain on the main page of my site. Long before online blogging became a widespread hobby among my peers, I had already begun writing about my life publicly on a regular basis.

Over the years, as websites like Livejournal and Xanga grew in popularity, I began to see just how fickle many of my peers could be. As if switching to new AIM screen names every few weeks weren't enough, they would go through one blog after another, creating a new account with every difficult situation in life and deleting old entries to erase memories of the past. Somehow, the idea of permanently deleting journal entries didn't seem right to me. At the end of my freshman year in college, I thought about my online journal and realized for the first time that I had something very precious that none of my peers had - a detailed, public account of the past three years of my life, with every word left intact since the day it was written.

That marked the beginning of my discovery of my new outlook on life - Life is a collection of stories, some long and others short, some which have already ended and others which have yet to begin, written by God for His glory and for the good of those who seek His will. By looking back at old journal entries and seeing how much I had changed and grown, I began to see the beauty of God's authorship of my life. And upon realizing how my life stories could also be used as a blessing to others, I decided to start writing about things much closer to my heart.

Over the years, this journal has helped me keep a record of countless life stories, including the journey of me becoming a music major, my experiences with a summer job typically associated with the underprivileged, and my thoughts after church retreats, mission trips, concert tours, and many other significant events. It also gave me the chance to write my reflections on days like my birthday, New Year's, Valentine's Day, and the anniversary of my father's passing. More recently, this journal covered my feelings and thoughts during the Time of Change, the journey that helped me become a part of Bible Study Fellowship, my life-changing experiences at the Grace 2010 conference, and the miracle that led to my current full-time office job. Each of these stories were far greater than anything I could have come up with on my own, and each story leaves me more certain that there is no better choice than to surrender the pen to God, who created me in His image, and let Him write the stories of my life according to His will.

Today, I find myself amazed to be writing this entry, which marks the ten-year anniversary of the day this journal was born. Over the years, I've had to convince myself many times that whether life is smooth or rough, it is worth writing about. I can't imagine how many hours I have dedicated in these past ten years to this journal, and looking back now, I definitely don't regret it. I can look back at the past and see God's faithfulness in answering so many prayers and leading me through so many difficult situations. Many of these past entries still move me to tears and fill me with joy and hope by making me realize again just how blessed I am. My goal is neither to cling too tightly onto the past nor disregard its significance, but rather to use it as a constant reminder that the God who has written some of my most amazing life stories in the past is an unchanging God who continues to love, bless, and guide me today.

My words cannot express how blessed I feel to have been able to keep this journal for a whole decade. The truth, as much as we hate to admit it, is that every day, there are people who leave home for school or work and never make it back, and there are people who go to sleep and never wake up. Life is truly a precious gift, something we should cherish and strive to make the most out of. I don't know when I will cease to write in this journal, and I don't know what will cause me to do so. But I know that when I give the pen to God and let Him write my life stories while striving to do my best with what He has given me, in the end I will only find myself blown away time after time by the wonders of His unfathomable love.

When I wrote the first entry in this journal ten years ago, I believed that my life was going backwards. But over the years, I've come to see more and more clearly that despite the way I felt, God had a much bigger picture in mind. In my weakness, He was strong. And while I felt like things were going backwards, He was actually pushing me forward on a journey to discover the beauty of His authorship of my life. Today, there are many stories in my life that have not yet ended, and there are probably many more stories being written already that I'm not yet aware of. But I know that one day, all of these stories will reach their happy endings, as long as I allow God to lead me through the many ups and downs that make each story so exciting. I can't even imagine what my life will be like ten years from now, but I am confident that God will always continue to write stories that leave me amazed beyond description. So as I surrender the pen to Him once again, I pray that I will always continue to do what He has taught me to do through this journal - to remember the past, embrace the present, and welcome the future, so that I can live life as a celebration of His unfailing love.