10/29: I almost find it a little funny how, every time some technological object in my life breaks down, whether it's a car, a computer, or anything else, it ends up turning into some epic saga that drives me insane. Not too long ago, a transmission repair on my car led to a broken horn, a disconnected airbag, and a huge dent on the front quarter panel (08/21/2012 entry). What I didn't mention at the end of that story was that I noticed soon after finally getting my car back that my steering wheel wasn't aligned properly. So when I'm driving in a straight line on the freeway, the steering wheel is actually turned to the right. I couldn't make this up even if I tried. But by then I was so fed up with those bozos that I chose to adapt to the assymetry rather than bring the car back and risk more trouble. It wasn't until last Saturday that, while Firestone was changing my tires, the technician alerted me of some kind of loose bolt in the steering system. (Does that mean that, somewhere down the road, I could be driving and suddenly lose control of the car's direction!?) Thankfully, after paying them a few reasonable bucks, the problem was fixed, and when I got the car back, the steering wheel was actually straight again!

Actually, this entry is supposed to be about my computer, not my car, because it seems like that situation has also turned into an epic story of its own. To summarize the first few chapters, a problem (not uncommon to a six-year-old computer) prompted me to reformat the hard drive, only to discover that an existing glitch with my optical drive had gotten worse, to a point where I was unable to install most of my programs (including Windows). After doing much research, trying various options, and consulting the Apple Genius Bar, I ended up deciding to pay and have Apple fix it for a reasonable price. Last Monday, they contacted me to tell me the parts they ordered had arrived, and I brought the computer there that night and signed the paperwork to get it fixed.

That's where the story picks up. On Wednesday afternoon, I received a missed call from the Apple store while I was at work. I was expecting to wait at least another couple days before they called me to either tell me the computer was done, or that it would take a little longer. And I was surprised that the Voicemail they left me consisted only of an instruction to call them back regarding my computer, without any hint of what was actually happening. So when I had a chance to call them back (and finally reached someone after being put on hold for at least half an hour), they told me what was going on - apparently my iMac is "unfixable".

It turns out that the optical drive that those "Geniuses" ordered does not fit my computer, and that the one that actually fits is no longer available. I guess I can't completely blame them, since it's not everyday someone shows up with a six-year-old machine to fix. Still, apples didn't look or taste much different six years ago than they do now. The solution they offered me? Go somewhere else. They offered to recommend a few other shops to me, but those would be the same shops they had originally told me about, and after I contacted them, I found out that their prices are much higher. And since they are farther away and also operate during less convenient hours, it would be a big pain to arrange to go there, only either to end up with a bigger dent in my wallet or to find out that they, too, didn't have the right parts.

Thankfully (and rightfully), the Apple store didn't charge me a single penny when I went to pick up the computer a couple days later. But even as I was still on the phone with the service rep who broke the bad news to me, I had already made a new decision - I'm not going to get this computer fixed. Regardless of how much it would cost, the fact that even Apple themselves have admitted to being unable to fix their own product and referred me out of their jurisdiction tells me that it's really time to get a new computer.

I shifted the direction of my research to a brand new computer. Even though my most recent Apple experience wasn't exactly the tastiest, I'm still sticking with the brand for two reasons. First, compared to every other computer I've had in the past, the reliability and stability of my existing imac is simply unbeatable. (Prior to this most recent incident, I had only run into major problems once throught these six years, and that was actually caused by my Windows partition). Second, as a musician using Logic Pro, I really see no reason to shy away from a Mac. With that in mind, I went on the Apple website and made a surprising discovery - A new iMac is coming out in November.

What perfect timing! In fact, a little more research showed that the announcement for the new iMac was made just one day before I found out that my computer is unfixable. (I highly doubt that the Geniuses at the Apple store were trying to coerce me into buying a new machine, since it has no effect on their paychecks). Whether it's a coincdence or a divine act, I couldn't ask for a better opportunity to upgrade my hardware. Even though the present situation is frustrating, at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Of course, since it's not November yet (and the exact release date has yet to be announced), there is still quite a long wait before I can take any action. On Saturday afternoon, I was curious about how the current (and upcoming) Macs differ from my own and decided to do a little research. That's when I made another shocking discovery - the brand new, highly anticipated iMac will not come with an optical drive.

That's right - No CD's, no DVD's, nothing. Sure, compact discs are bound to head the same direction as casette tapes. But last time I checked, the majority of software still comes in CD form, and most people still watch DVD movies regularly. Maybe Apple is doing a good job of slowly eliminating the need for optical discs, first by revolutionizing the digital music industry, then by shifting its own software to downloadable formats. But let's be honest here - In practical, everyday living, it's a little too early to confidently claim that optical discs are entirely dead already. (Redbox, anyone?). I definitely love the idea of being able to have a computer that is not only brand new but also well ahead of its time. But it simply doesn't make sense to do so at the expense of practicality and functionality.

I find it ironic that what began as the need to fix the optical drive of a computer that otherwise works perfectly fine had eventually led to a desire to buy a computer that doesn't have an optical drive at all. In this past week's BSF lesson, we learned about Noah, and how he made decisions based both on circumstances (by sending out the dove to test the waters) and on God's direction (by exiting the ark after God said to do so). Putting that into practice, I noticed the huge gap between the needs of my current circumstances and the object tugging at my heart. The optical drive problem was only one of several issues I noticed that would make the latest iMac unsuitable for me (including necessary software upgrades that could cost more than the computer itself), and it wasn't long before I began looking for alternatives.

As of now, I think I've found a good solution - a refurbished 2011 (current model) iMac through Apple's certified refurbished program (complete with the same warranty as a brand new computer). Price-wise, it would save me a few hundred precious dollars. Practicality-wise, it comes with an optical drive and fits my needs a lot better. And several hours of research left me assured that what I'll be buying is essentially a good-as-new computer minus the pretty white box. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.

Another thing I learned? If I try to aim for the release date of the new iMac (after it is announced), there's a chance that my "refurbished" computer will actually be a new, unsold model. But that means I have to wait patiently. And even when I do place an order, there is no guarantee what I want is immediately available. I'm no stranger to spending extended periods of time without my own computer, and it is a situation I have learned to cherish. But what bothers me most is that, given my already busy schedule, there's going to be an insane amount of stuff to catch up on once things are up and running again. The biggest problem now is music - since all my current recording/arrangement projects are unpaid, I have no means of justifying spending more than necessary in that area. So as much as I hate to reach this conclusion, I have no choice but to shut everything down indefinitely, until things are running smoothly enough for me to resume work.

I mentioned in a previous entry that God is always good, regardless of circumstance. It's something I've been thinking about a lot, and I'm glad to say that I'm really starting to put it to practice. Very often when a very frustrating situation arises, my first response is to blame and doubt God simply because things are out of my control. When I received the news that my computer can't be fixed, I wasn't sure how to respond to it. But I had already planned to meet up with Tiffany for dinner shortly afterwards and was very concerned about how my frustration could negatively affect the time we would spend together. That prompted me to realize that no matter how much I complained (both out loud and in my head), it wouldn't change a thing. Then the question came to mind - Is God still good? I was tempted to say no, but I knew that doing so would be a lie. And what a great feeling it is to know that, even though things seem out of control, in reality they are still in God's control! Whether it's my current computer, a refurbished one, a brand new one, or any other option I may not have thought of yet, God definitely knows what's best. For now, there's just a little more research I need to do regarding a few compatibility issues that may arise with the refurbished 2011 iMac, and if everything goes smoothly, then hopefully I'll be placing an order from Apple soon.

10/27: Several of my friends from UCLA still remember me by some of the crazy things I've done, from eating six meals in a single day to spending the night in my car. Then there were those crazy adventures to places like Santa Monica and Beverly Hills... on a scooter. I've always loved exploring new places, challenging myself to not be lazy, and experiencing the joy of pushing my physical limits for the sake of freedom. And sometimes when people told me I was crazy, it only helped fuel the passion inside me upon the realization that I had accomplished something few (if any) of my peers ever had. One crucial event that helped pave the way for my love for freedom during those years was the death of my laptop, which forced me to find other means of enjoying my free time.

Fast forward to today - my current computer still has not been fixed (more details on that next time...), and I had scheduled an appointment in the morning to give my car desperately needed tire change before the current tires basically turn into racing slicks. Since I was in no rush to get home, I didn't want to bother anybody to give me rides from and back to the shop. And as for what to do during the expected two-three hour wait time? I came up with the perfect idea...

With scooter in hand and a backpack carrying a book and some papers for journaling, I handed my car key to the service rep at the shop went out to re-experience that crazy adventurous joy I had in college... on Diamond Bar Boulevard. I set for myself a destination - the Shell/Arco gas stations right before the freeway ramps, where a lot of exotic car owners fill up before enjoying their weekend joyrides. From where I was (Firestone on DB Blvd and Grand), it was only a five- to ten-minute drive. Except this time, five to ten minutes after I left the shop, I had barely crossed the street and traveled a couple blocks. I kept telling myself I was crazy, and that it would be impossible to make it to my destination, not to mention return back to where I started in one piece. It also didn't help that the weather was noticeably warmer than I had expected, and that the temperature would only increase as the hours passed by.

But I remembered something I always tried to keep in mind in college - If I stop focusing on the difficulty of the journey and the distance to the destination, but rather enjoy every moment for what it is, in the end I can accomplish much more than I thought was possible. So that's exactly what I did. Even though I had traveled along this street (by car) countless times ever since I was a child, this was my first time actually setting foot on it, seeing the fences, houses, and landscape in such detail, with the freedom to stop, go, speed up, and slow down as I pleased, without worrying about traffic laws or having to be at a certain place at a certain time.

Thanks to (mostly) well-paved sidewalks and a rather constant altitude, traveling by scooter wasn't all that difficult. About 45 minutes later, I had arrived at my destination, where I found a tree to sit, read, and enjoy the simple things in life under. I wondered what would happen if a friend or relative happened to drive by and see me there. Should I pretend to turn away and not notice? Should I smile and cause them to wonder what the heck was wrong with me? Should I beg for a ride back to Firestone, where there was a comfortable air-conditioned room I could rest and wait for my car in?

That third idea was extremely tempting, but I forced it out of my mind. In all honesty, a part of me was a little worried if I would be able to make it back or not. But the desire to give myself some desperately needed physical exercise and the determination to complete the journey kept me going. I read a couple chapters of a devotional book. Tiffany happened to call me, and we enjoyed keeping each other company for a while. Then I got the call from Firestone, telling me my car was almost ready.

By "almost", they meant about another hour. But what did I have to lose? I chose to hang around the area where I was until they called again to tell me my car was actually ready. Then I began the long and dreaded journey back.

When I embarked on epic scooter rides in college, one thing I always refused to do was sit down and rest, since I knew that doing so would make me realize how tired I was and discourage me from continuing. But this time, I had no choice. I was too tired that I had to stop and rest a few times before continuing. And at the same time, I knew that I had to complete the journey if I planned on getting my car back and driving home. Those periodic gaps between the concrete on the sidewalk came and met me one after another, and the long line of trees I passed by seemed endless. Who knew that a journey that normally requires only a few minutes of driving could become so difficult? At last, I saw in the distance the traffic light marking the intersection where the shop was located. It was still three blocks away, but the sight of my destination gave me the final boost of energy needed to reach it. I stopped to rest and catch my breath one last time, then proceeded to finish the journey.

The service reps at the shop were probably a little worried when they saw me looking like I was about to collapse any second. There was another customer ahead of me, so I took the time to go to the restroom and clean myself up a little before saying a single word to anyone. Then I gave my payment, got my car key back, and was on my way home.

Actually, I had planned to run a few errands on the way home. At one point on the long scooter ride, I decided to ditch them and go home and rest/eat a little first. But after getting back in my car, I figured a quick detour wouldn't kill, so I still stuck with the original plan. Having a new set of tires made it feel almost as if I were driving a brand new car, and it made the already exhausting day seem even more fulfilling.

Back at home, I enjoyed that heavenly thrill of downing a few cups of ice-cold beverages, followed by a relaxing shower. I went online and looked up the distance I had travelled today - It turned out that handy little made-in-China scooter had kept me company for almost seven miles. It may be a short distance by driving standards, but seriously, when was the last time someone put so much mileage on a friggin' scooter in a single day?

Right now, I feel exhausted, sore, a little lightheaded, and also very accomplished - a familiar combination of feelings that takes me right back to those glorious college days. But above all else, I feel thankful. Many people at UCLA have asked me how I was always so excited and eager to make the most out of the time I had there, and to be honest, after I graduated (and most of my friends graduated) I sometimes struggle with maintaining that optimism too. But after today's adventure, I now remember the source of my passion. Deep inside my heart, I was very thankful. There are simply too many things to be thankful for - life, strength, health, freedom, and countless little things that people see and experience every day but never really pay attention to. How many times have I driven down Diamond Bar Boulevard without stopping once to enjoy the flowers and trees along the street? How many times have I glued my eyes to the red light, eagerly waiting for it to turn green, without realizing how amazing it is to have the freedom to travel and the strength to celebrate another breath to enjoy life with? Every breath is a precious gift from God, and every moment is one that will never return. With that in mind, my only proper response is to break out of my bubble, make myself exhausted, accomplish things I never thought were possible, live every moment of my life to the fullest, and do it all with an attitude of thankfulness to the God who gave me the ability to do all these things. Of course, after today's journey, there is one more thing that I suddenly came to appreciate so much more - It's such a blessing to have a car to drive!

10/22: Yesterday afternoon I got to spend some time relaxing by browsing the Internet - something I haven't been doing very often nowadays (for obvious reasons). Usually, that consists of checking my email, looking at my YouTube stats, reading some car news, and visiting a few forums. Then, if I have time, I would pop open some random websites (usually car-related) that come to mind. Yesterday, I decided to visit scale18.com, a site that played a crucial role in my childhood hobby (1:18 scale model cars). Little did I know that I would be greeted with some sad news- "Warehouse Closing November 12th".

Back in the day when I had no social life or financial responsibilities, almost all of my spending money went to model cars. In fact, all of my relatives knew that when my birthday or Christmas came around, the gift that would make me most excited would simply be a few bucks to go into my next order of cars. The discovery of scale18.com was the pinnacle of my hobby. Unlike all the other companys I bought or ordered cars from, scale18 was run by a man who treated it as more of a hobby than a business. Kevin was a passionate collector himself, and his website brought together collectors from across the world to share pictures, news, jokes, and all kinds of other things that helped us bond through our common hobby. Also present was the "Huge List" - a comprehensive list of every 1:18 scale model ever manufactured. The list exposed me to hundreds of manufacturers and models I had previously never heard of, and I was also able to contribute by adding a few items I knew about that were missing. Kevin gladly shared his hobby with the world, and when I ordered models from him, I did so with confidence knowing that, as a collector himself, he would not send me something in less-than-collectible condition. Through him, I was also able to import a few extremely rare models, and to this day I smile at the realization that I'm probably one of the only people in the U.S. with those prized possessions.

Most of the 120 or so cars and motorcycles in my collection are now stored in my closet in their original boxes (scale18 also taught me the importance of keeping models in "MIB" (Mint in Box) condition). Occasionally, I would take a few of them out and put them on display in my room. I don't admit to ever actually quitting the hobby; it's just that over the years, other things began to take precedence over it. I began to have more important things to spend my money on, and at the same time I was running out of space in my room for more models. Ever since I was a child, I saw my collection as both an investment and a hobby, so even long after I stopped purchasing new models, I never wanted to let it go.

Even now, I still visit scale18 once every month or so, simply to browse the "Huge List" for fun and take a look at the conversations on the forum. I still recognize several of the usernames of people who were active on the forum at the same time I was. I doubt they remember me, since even back when I visited the site daily, I spent a lot more time reading and learning than I did posting. But I really wonder if, on the occasion that I wrote something, I was mature enough to hide my identity as a junior high student. In a time when I struggled with social acceptance among my peers largely because my interests were so different from theirs, scale18 gave me hope that there were people scattered across the world that could actually understand me.

I can't help but wonder what happened that led to the decision to shut down the scale18 warehouse. (Neither the website nor the forum mentioned any details other than that they were closing and that everything remaining is on sale). If I had to take a guess, it would be that the difficult economic times have taken a major toll on the family's finances. After all, maintaining a collection of a few thousand model cars isn't easy (or cheap), and doing business in such a small field isn't exactly the easiest way to earn profit. For now, a few questions still remain. Will the scale18 forum still continue running after November 12, or will the entire site and all its features be shut down? Will the "Huge List" - the single most comprehensive list of 1:18 scale models on the planet and probably the best resource for collectors everywhere - be wiped out and forever gone? Whatever happens, I know that there is a lot that will be greatly missed, and I wish the best to Kevin, his family, and the future of the hobby and collectors across the world.

10/21: More Like Him

The Bible is filled with references to family relationships, and it shows that from the very beginning, family has played a crucial role in God's plans for an individual. So much of our understanding of God is tied to our experiences with our own families, and the fact that we live in a world with an ever-increasing number of dysfunctional families makes it increasingly difficult for people to understand God as a heavenly father and a friend closer than a brother. Each year when this time comes around, I take a moment to reflect on my earthly father's passing. It seems like the older I get, the more I realize just how much my life has been impacted by the lack of a father. But God allows all things to happen for a reason, and I'm also starting to realize more and more that He not only knows my weakness, but reaches out to guide me so I can experience and understand His fatherly love at a deeper level.

Parents play a crucial role in shaping a child's personality and priorities, even when the child is too young to really be aware of it. I was only eight years old when Dad left me, but to this day, memories of his life, even very vague ones, continue to encourage and inspire me. He was successful in business and handy with all kinds of household tasks, both indoor and outdoor. He was always gentle and kind, not once leaving me memories of him arguing with Mom. And most importantly, in his last days on earth He loved God with all his heart and was filled with hope and joy even as he took his final breath. All my life, it has been one of my greatest goals to be more and more like him.

Almost two years ago, in the midst of my struggling with feeling inadequate as the only man at home and wanting to blame God for taking Dad away, He gave me a great boost of encouragement by providing me a full-time office job despite my lack of experience, qualifications, or a relevant college degree. Even now when I step into the office building in the morning, I sometimes remember memories of visiting Dad's office as a child, and it brings me great joy to realize that God cares for me no less than He did for him.

While I know that there is much more to relationships than money, I've always wished that, as a man, I would be financially stable enough to take care of my family, and that's one of the reasons I didn't want to pursue a dating relationship for so many years. But God definitely saw my heart; I met Tiffany shortly after getting the job, and we began dating just before I completed my first year at the office. On the night we decided to pursue the relationship, we sat outside on a bench under the starlit sky, and I told her, with tears in my eyes, about the glorious encounters Dad had with God before He was taken away. I believe that he was watching us from heaven that night with a big smile, gently encouraging me to learn to love her as he loved Mom.

But how? I think learning to be like Dad is something I will struggle with for the rest of my life. And sometimes, it's easy to get disappointed or frustrated and begin to doubt God's intentions for leaving me fatherless at such a young age. How can I learn to face problems at work, fix things around the house, take care of Mom and Carol, and do all the things that a man is supposed to do without the man that should have been by my side to set an example for me? And someday when I get married and have my own family, how will I have the wisdom to know how to be the man I'm supposed to be?

If Dad were here, I think I know exactly what he would tell me. Trust in God. Trust Him completely, even if the whole world tells me otherwise and even if my very life is at stake. Dad didn't come to know Christ until after he was diagnosed with cancer, but it was then that, despite his physical suffering, he discovered true joy, hope, and peace. He was unable to do the things he wanted to do, even out of love for those closest to his heart. But instead, he discovered that there is a much greater source of strength, through whom all things are possible.

I often wonder how Dad would live his life if God had decided to heal him. With so many great character traits, plus such a strong love for God, surely he could have impacted the lives of people around him in amazing ways. Yet God chose to take him away, and somehow God always knows what's best. In the Bible, many traditions, skills, dreams, and divine blessings and punishments were passed down from generation to generation. And the older I get, the more I feel the deep desire to carry Dad's torch and use the example he has set to bless others.

Dad once told his parents in Taiwan that they need to believe in God, regardless of whether He heals him or not. God's sovereignty is infinitely bigger than our circumstances, and He is no less real because I grew up without a father than He would be if Dad were still here today. In fact, the absense of a worldly father figure has taught me more and more to depend on God to fill the empty place in my heart. I want to become more and more like Dad, but I believe that Dad would want me to become more and more like Christ. It was Christ who enabled Dad to, at the end of his life, discover the true meaning of life. And it is through Christ that I can share the same hope, joy, and peace that Dad experienced with the world around me, striving to live as a man after God's own heart.

10/18: As hard as it is to believe, Tiffany and I will be celebrating our one-year anniversary in less than a month. As we have come to know each other better and better, I have become more and more thankful for the wisdom God has blessed us with, not because we're particularly smart, but because we're willing to face the inevitable difficulties of being in a relationship rather than brushing them aside and pretending everything is trouble-free. Recently we've both been going through various individual struggles, and they've definitely had an impact on our interactions with each other. I guess it's only natural that when feeling frustrated or unhappy, it's a lot easier to act/speak selfishly without intending to, and it's also a lot easier to jump to conclusions too quickly based on other people's words. And when two people in a relationship are both struggling, it becomes very easy for things to turn into a disaster.

I admit that in this past week or so, there were many times when I was tempted to complain, point fingers, and vent out all of my feelings in a way that would definitely not end well. But I've learned from past experience that while it's important to make an effort to bring up problems that need to be resolved, no less important is the timing in which it is done. I'm not just talking about Tiffany and me, but all human relationships in general. If I am using the need to resolve a conflict as a mask for my desire to express my unhappiness, or if I do so at a time when the other person is not able or willing to listen rationally, then perhaps the conversation should wait until a later time. It's definitely difficult to swallow the urge to express myself. But by doing so I've come to see more and more that in any relationship, my focus for conflict resolution should be on the good of the relationship rather than on my own good. And I'm glad to say that through the struggles Tiffany and I have gone through in this past week, I've begun to learn two very important lessons.

First, as last week's BSF notes explained, "there is no real confession when you also partly blame someone else". The notes were talking more about confessing sins to God, but I've come to see that the same idea definitely applies when apologizing to people as well. The more I think about it, the more I realize how similar I am to Adam and Eve when it comes to blame shifting. Sure, Eve contributed to Adam's sin, and the serpent contributed to Eve's sin. But God cares much more about us admitting our own faults (and receiving forgiveness) than about us pointing out how others have contributed to them. And when it comes to admitting our faults to other people, it is much more important to focus on giving a genuine apology than it is to point fingers at their flaws. Many times when I say sorry to someone, I end up shifting at least a small amount of the blame, whether it's to the person I've wronged or to another source, so that I won't have to feel the emotions associated with admitting that I messed up. When I had to apologize to Tiffany after she told me how she felt hurt by me, I forced myself to swallow my desire to point fingers and simply say sorry. It wasn't easy, but I really believe that by admitting my mistakes both to her and in my own heart, I have surrendered my complaints to God, knowing that He will work things out according to His perfect timing.

Second, prayer is truly powerful. It may seem obvious for those of us who have been Christians for a long time, but at the same time it's amazing how often we neglect such a powerful source of strength even during times of need. There were a few times in this past week when I caught myself creating a mental list of things I wanted Tiffany to do (or not do). I prayed several times for an opportunity to tell her everything, but each time I felt like God was reminding me to humble myself. In the end, I only made one request to her - to pray for me, simply because we're both imperfect people in need of each other's prayers. We began lifting each other's struggles to God more frequently, and I'm truly amazed at the difference each prayer made. It's not because our prayers made God heal all our problems; he knew our struggles long before we got on our knees to pray. But what our prayers did was remind each other (and ourselves) of His unwavering goodness and sovereignty over all things. As for the other things I want her to change, I'm sure God has His timing. And I have no doubt that there are plenty of things she would like me to change too. Our focus shouldn't be on those things, but rather on God, who has brought us together and has infinite wisdom in knowing what's best for us. May we continue to surrender ourselves to Him and trust in Him as He teaches us day after day more of what it means to be in a relationship that is glorifying to Him.

10/16: Computer Update

It's been a pretty crazy few days of trying to balance my computer problems with an already insanely busy life. Had I known these problems would happen, I would have most likely reconsidered some of the commitments I recently signed myself up for. But I'm sure God allowed everything to happen at this time for a reason. And as I continue to go through various spurts of what feels like impending nervous breakdowns from having too much to worry about in the near future in terms of time, money, my sanity, and everything/everyone else I care so much about, I can't help but learn more and more to trust in Him to lead the way.

About this time last week, I actually thought I had things under control. What I needed to do to fix my computer was perform a procedure I had done on my own before - reformat the hard drive, install my Mac OS, partition the drive into two, install Windows in the second partition, then reinstall all my programs one by one. But I was interrupted by a schitzophrenic CD drive that spontaneously refused to read some of my discs, to a point where it was basically impossible to install anything. It was a problem I was aware of for a long time (and a problem not uncommon to iMacs of the time), but it wasn't until now that it really got on my way. I came up with some possible solutions and did some research, but every attempt resulted in failure. At the end, I was left with only one option.

Hello, Genius Bar. Upon contacting Apple and discovering that Genius consultations are free, I made an appointment right away and brought the iMac in for a checkup on Saturday. The Genius gave me a price quote on the repair, and I decided to go back home and think about it (and contact some other place to compare prices) before making a final decision.

It wasn't until yesterday that I successfully contacted my other options and confirmed that, to my surprise, the Apple store actually offered the best price. I concluded that even though the computer is six years old, its excellent condition makes it worth fixing for the price. (Buying a new computer altogether would be the most ideal solution, but it would cost about ten times more than the repair, and I don't exactly have that kind of money just sitting around). The Genius Bar happened to have a free time slot in the evening, so I made an appointment right away, then grabbed my computer from home immediately after work and headed to the Apple Store again.

It turned out this Genius was a bit more helpful than the first. Maybe it's because I told him all the things I had attempted to do to fix/bypass the problem, leading him to comment that I actually know what I'm talking about and give me detailed explanations of other things I can try. The Genius gave me a very kind offer - He would order the new CD drive for me and contact me when it arrives, and in the mean time I can bring my computer back home to try more possible solutions, then decide after they contact me if I actually want to perform the repair or not.

Back at home, I did a little more research and made a few more repair/bypass attempts, all of which resulted in failure. Then, with the help of trial and error, knowledge from research, and words of wisdom from two geniuses (genii?), I put all the puzzle pieces together and concluded that if I want to continue using my iMac, then I have no choice but to pay to get it fixed.

In last week's BSF lecture, Tina explained sin as doubting God's goodness. I've been thinking about that throughout the week and realized that during the times when I feel like I'm overwhelmed and about to go insane, the ultimate problem isn't that God is not good, but that I'm unwilling to admit that He's still good. The truth is that God's character never changes, and even when I'm sitting here feeling frustrated, misunderstood, overwhelmed, hurt, and helpless all at the same time, He is still good and has everything under control.

There's definitely a lot for me to be thankful for. First, as I've mentioned several times, all of the precious files on my computer have been successfully backed up. Also, having to take apart my whole computer (and music recording) setup gave me aperfect opportunity to empty everything off my old desk and make some repairs and modifications to it - Adjusting an unbalanced board, fixing a cracked board, and drilling a couple cable holes (since the desk was designed before those holes became standard). My fingers hurt like crazy from all the work, but it's definitely worthwhile. Lastly, even though I feel swamped from being so uncontrollably busy, I should be glad that God has blessed me with things to do and people to love so that my life can be productive and meaningful.

And even if I didn't have any of these things, I should still be thankful, because somehow, even when it seems like life is completely falling apart, God is still good. Right now, my iMac is back in its box while I wait for the Apple store to contact me once the parts arrive. At this rate, things should be up and running again in a week or two. Let's hope no other unexpected problems will pop out and surprise me...

10/11: It's been a very long time since I felt that childlike excitement of staring out my window eagerly waiting for the postman to show up with a package for me. Recently, that finally changed, thanks to a little order of goodies I placed on Amazon. The last of the three items showed up at my door yesterday, and I can't wait to start putting them to good use.

10/06: The flood is coming soon, and I'm very glad to say that as far as I can see, there will be no casualties. After a couple intense, heart-wrenching battles lasting several hours each, I've successfully pulled out everything I want to save from my dying computer before putting it to rest until I have time to reformat it. I've definitely learned my lesson - What I spent these past couple days doing is something I should have done a long time ago, but due to reasons that I can only blame myself for, I kept putting it off day after day, until it was almost too late. And when, after a series of extremely close calls, I realized that I had actually managed to rescue every last file I wanted to save, I couldn't help but crash down on my knees and thank God with a huge sigh of relief. As for where to take things from here, all I can really do is figure it out one step at a time. The worst-case scenario is that I'll need to buy a new computer. But in all honesty, given how reliable this iMac has been in the past six years that I've had it, I really can't complain. Hopefully, if everything goes smoothly, I'll be able to simply reformat everything I have now and start over new, and everything will work fine. Who knows, maybe by doing so I'll kill some of the small existing problems on the computer too. As soon as I have a good chunk of free time to spend at home, the floodgates will be opened in preparation for a bright new beginning.

10/03: Last night I was awakened at around 5:00 AM by that somewhat annoying out-of-tune F major chord that always accompanies the starting of my Mac. Somehow, even though my roommate in college always told me I slept like a rock, I always tend to wake up when electronic gadgets in my room do weird things in the middle of the night. Usually those weird things are caused by a power outage, and that's exactly what I thought happened at first. But my barely-awake-at-five-in-the-morning mind reminded me that if the power went out, my computer (which I left on overnight) should turn off rather than automatically restart itself. I forced myself out of bed and waddled over to the computer to see what the heck was going on. In all honesty, I don't remember exactly what happened, since it was very dark and I was basically still half asleep. But I vaguely recall seeing some sort of message on the DOS screen mentioning some sort of hard disk failure, and me responding by turning the whole thing off in hopes of preventing further problems.

Unsurprisingly, even after I returned to my bed, I didn't get much sleep. Who would have guessed that my computer would suddenly just die in the middle of the night? Because I won't have much free time today, I don't plan on even touching it until tomorrow after work when I have several hours to sit there and diagnose the problem. After all, when it comes to hard disk errors on an old computer, there's a chance I'll be dealing with something so unstable that every moment I have to recover any files could be my last.

I can't help but believe that what happened last night is very similar to what happened the last time this computer broke (in 2009). If that's the case, then I should be able to pull off another "Noah's Ark" operation in which I could rescue a good amount of my precious files. Then again, God only knows how bad the situation actually is this time. And given my hopeless decade-old battle with computers, I can only pray that I don't go crazy. For now, it's best that I don't even think about this problem until I actually have a chance to sit down and stare it in the face.

09/30: I've seen it countless times on YouTube before - Candid dashcam footage of friends with fast cars cruising along winding canyon streets, enjoying the freedom of the open road. Most of those videos proceed to show a car in front eventually getting into some kind of disasterous collision, whether with a boulder, a cliff, another car, or even a biker, and the buddy in the camera car pulling over and shouting (usually curse words) in fear and disbelief, desperately hoping that nobody was hurt. Unfortunately, many of those collisions result in at least one fatality, and while the videos posted online can serve as a reminder for everyone to be careful, the same tragedies continue to happen over and over again.

Looking back now at the end of a rather crazy day, I'm still not sure how to describe the way I feel. And as I let the memories of what happened replay themselves over and over again in my head, I find myself falling on my knees in both fear and thanksgiving, with tears falling from my eyes that I still can't quite explain. I remember waiting at a red light when a dear brother pulled up next to me with a mutual friend in the passenger seat. We had all just enjoyed lunch together and said goodbye about a minute ago, and coincidentally ended up at the same intersection. I couldn't help but turn my head and stare - he had just bought his new sports car not too long ago, and it was definitely both an artistic masterpiece and an engineering marvel.

The light turned green, and I naturally let him go ahead of me, knowing the road would soon narrow into a single lane. As a car enthusiast, I typically let the nicer cars go in front of me as a sign of respect to the owners' good taste and also to get a nice view (and soundtrack) as I drive. We entered the stretch of the road that winds through the canyon, and since I chose to cruise at a relaxing pace, he soon disappeared around the corner. Soon I saw a pickup truck in the opposite direction carefully driving in reverse and trying to pull over even though there was no shoulder. "What is this idiot doing?", I immediately thought. But I had the sense to slow down a bit. And thankfully I did - Just around the corner was the same new sports cars I was drooling over a few seconds ago, completely wrecked with airbags blown, stopped helplessly in the middle of the road blocking both directions of traffic.

Suddenly it was as if I were living in one of those YouTube videos I've seen. There was a slight shoulder where my car was, so I pulled over immediately and, just like everyone in the videos did, ran over to see if everybody was okay. Except this time, it wasn't a video watched for thrill or pleasure, but rather a heart-wrenching moment of not knowing whether my brother and our friend were even alive or not. Thankfully, as all the dust settled, I saw both of them step out of the car unhurt. Somehow, the car had lost control around the turn, crossed over into oncoming traffic, and rebounded off the guardrail, ending up in its current position. It turned out the "idiot" I saw earlier, which for a while I thought was a victim of the wreck (and asked if he too was okay), was a Good Samaritan who saw the crash behind him and stopped to help. With traffic already blocked, several others also came to help us push the car to the side of the road. Miraculously, no other vehicle was involved in the wreck.

While waiting for the tow truck to arrive, reality began to sink in. What was just minutes ago a beautiful new sports car is now a mess so bad that we don't even know if it's repairable. Everything happened so quickly that nobody remembered the precise details. But there were a few things we knew for sure. First, even though the car had crossed over into oncoming traffic at a blind turn, it didn't collide with any other vehicle (a very probably situation that, as I've read countless times about on car forums, could lead to instant fatalities). Also, beyond the guardrail was none other than a steep cliff, and the rail had kept them from flying off the edge to a place where people could have easily driven right past it and not even know that someone had crashed and were in desperate need of help. Lastly and most importantly, they were both standing right next to me, safe and sound, rescued by what must have been the gracious hands of God.

I confess that, as some people already know through firsthand experience, I'm often not exactly a kind, patient, or safe driver. And seeing what happened to my brother today brings me back to a time when, due to a little bit of impatience and a lot of stupidity, I made some decisions on the road that resulted in some very serious consequences. To this day, I'm still ashamed to talk about that incident. But I still remember very clearly the battles taking place in my heart as the truth started to sink in to me. A part of me believed that God had a reason for everything, but at the same time, I couldn't accept the fact that I was such an idiot, and I couldn't help but wish that I could go back and change just one split second of my life and be freed from the unbearable shame and guilt building up inside me. Even now, that battle is still being fought. And I can't help but believe that after what happened today, my brother and I now have one more big thing to add to the already long list of things we have in common.

I guess it's something that every man struggles with - That ever-present desire to feel strong, powerful, and in control of everything. We seek opportunities to challenge probabilities, take unrealistic risks, and test the laws of physics, all in hope of feeling more capable as men, when in reality the true measure of a man is his ability to tame those seemingly untamable desires and give glory to God with disciplined passion. We've all been in those times when we feel like we're on top of the world, as if nothing can stop us from enjoying our beautiful dream. But sooner or later, those dreams will crash down to a sudden end, and the sad truth is that when it happens, many people never have a chance to wake up again. What happened today is a difficult lesson for all of us to learn, but I'm just thankful that God has taught us that lesson in such a way that the only things lost or damaged are things that can eventually be replaced.

I had reminded my brother in the past to be careful and safe. But looking back now, I really wish I made much more effort to get my point across. We're both car enthusiasts who enjoy driving along windy roads, reading the latest automotive news, and daydreaming together about owning exotic cars. And I don't think that's going to change permanently after what happened today. After all, driving is such an integral part of our daily lives, and appreciating cars isn't a bad thing at all. I admit that after witnessing what happened today, I was a bit scared to get back in my car to drive home. And I can only imagine how my brother and our friend will feel the next time they get behind the wheel. But even in a disaster, we must continue to hold firmly to our faith in God, knowing that He only allows bad things to happen because He has something bigger and better in store and having confidence that every disaster is also an opportunity to rise again stronger.

I hope and pray that what happened today can serve as a reminder to everyone that life is a lot more fragile than we often realize. I can never forget that moment when I ran toward the wreck not knowing if my brother and our friend had survived or not. It is definitely by God's grace that they are unhurt, and we have all come to understand at a deeper level that a split second's decision can be enough to turn life entirely around. We're all blessed with so many different ways to enjoy our God-given lives, but we must not let them persuade us to inflate our pride and place ourselves above God. I wish that in light of this incident, we can all remember something I often tell my fellow car enthusiast friends - We can make lots of money and buy as many toys as we want, but in the end, we only have one life in which to enjoy them.

09/16: Car spotting has always been a hobby that I try to enjoy in reasonable quantities, whether measuring by time, energy, or money. Looking back now, I don't think I've ever spent any money on this hobby, other than paying for gas and occasionally for parking (only if necessary. With the magic carpet, why bother wasting time looking for the best parking spaces?) As for equipment, my camera is nothing fancier than what people normally bring when hanging out with friends, and my editing software is good ol' Windows Movie Maker. As far as I can see, I'm very content with how Exotic Affinity has progressed over the past couple years. But there was one thing I'd always wished to improve about my videos (despite it being nearly impossible without a decent financial investment). I'm very glad to say, though, that as of tonight, that improvement has miraculously been made. I just uploaded my 276th video a few minutes ago, and for the first time, YouTube has added two beautiful letters next to it - "HD".

Now let me explain something first - Even after years of making videos, I honestly don't know jack about video editing. After all, Windows Movie Maker doesn't exactly offer me a chance to learn much more than dragging videos onto the timeline one by one and fading them into each other. I'm a bit ashamed to say this, but I honestly don't even know what the heck "High Definition" actually means, other than the fact that it should have better quality than regular videos. But having watched videos from my new camera and videos from my old camera back to back, I can testify that it doesn't take a genius to notice the quality difference.

The journey began when Tiffany gave me that 110 HS. Being able to record 1920x1080 videos on a point-and-shoot camera was a life-changing experience, but I couldn't help but notice that by the time the videos went through the editing process and made it to YouTube, the quality went down quite noticeably. For a closer comparison, I decided to try uploading a video straight off the camera on YouTube last week without any editing. That's when I first saw the little "HD" tag appear. It turns out my camera can actually record High-Definition videos! What, then, happened to that "HD" tag during the editing process?

Last week, that question started to bother me so much that I decided to stop posting any of my 1920x1080 videos until I at least tried to see if there was anything I could do about it. I was seriously considering the possibility of starting to save up money to buy an advanced editing software that would be able to save HD videos. Then, somewhere in the process of my research, I stumbled upon a tutorial, and after carefully making sure it wasn't a virus then proceeding with following its instructions, something amazing happened. Long story short, I was given some add-ons for my existing Windows Movie Maker, adding the option of saving videos in 1920x1080 HD. I immediately edited a video, saved it with the new option, and uploaded it on YouTube. Sure enough, the "HD" tag was there. And the quality issue was solved. The total cost? Zero. I must say life is definitely quite amazing sometimes...

Yesterday afternoon I decided to catch a small car meet - Extreme Dimensions' open house in Fullerton - and collect some footage. One of the cars filmed there, a beautiful red Noble M400, served as a great candidate for my first public HD video (all the test videos were done privately so that nobody would see my stupidity). Just minutes ago, that video went online, and after watching it on YouTube a couple times, I'm left amazed beyond description. When viewed on highest resolution, the quality is so good that when I press "pause", the screenshot is more clear than some people's photos. And when viewed on full screen, I literally feel like I'm back at the event reliving those moments all over again. And to think that all this could be packaged into a simple point & shoot camera! I may not be a very tech-savvy person, but this little piece of technology definitely has me blown away.

Now that I've gained even more confidence in my new camera, there are just a few more things that need to be done. First is saving up money to buy a new external hard drive - At this rate, I'm gonna run out of space on my computer (and existing external drive) within the next few months, so something needs to be done quickly. After that will come the ammunition upgrades (spare battery, bigger memory card). Once that's taken care of, I will be able to plan trips to meets and other hot spots and start collecting footage exclusively in high-definition!

09/16: Car spotting has always been a hobby that I try to enjoy in reasonable quantities, whether you're measuring by time, energy, or money. Looking back now, I don't think I've ever spent any money on this hobby, other than paying for gas and occasionally for parking (only if necessary. With the magic carpet, why bother wasting time looking for the best parking spaces?) As for equipment, my camera is nothing fancier than what people normally bring when hanging out with friends, and my editing software is good ol' Windows Movie Maker. As far as I can see, I'm very content with how Exotic Affinity has progressed over the past couple years. But there was one thing I'd always wished to improve about my videos (despite it being nearly impossible without a decent financial investment). I'm very glad to say, though, that as of tonight, that improvement has miraculously been made. I just uploaded my 276th video a few minutes ago, and for the first time, YouTube has added two beautiful letters next to it - "HD".

Now let me explain something first - Even after years of making videos, I honestly don't know jack about video editing. After all, Windows Movie Maker doesn't exactly offer me a chance to learn much more than dragging videos onto the timeline one by one and fading them into each other. I'm a bit ashamed to say this, but I honestly don't even know what the heck "High Definition" actually means, other than the fact that it should have better quality than regular videos. And having watched videos from my new camera and videos from my old camera back to back, I can testify that it doesn't take a genious to notice the quality difference.

The journey began when Tiffany gave me that 110 HS. Being able to record 1920x1080 videos on a point-and-shoot camera was a life-changing experience, but I couldn't help but notice that by the time the videos went through the editing process and made it to YouTube, the quality went down quite noticeably. For a closer comparison, I decided to try uploading a video straight off the camera on YouTube last week without any editing. That's when I first saw the little "HD" tag appear. It turns out my camera can actually record High-Definition videos! What, then, happened to that "HD" tag during the editing process?

Last week, that concern started to bother me so much that I decided to stop posting any of my 1920x1080 videos until I at least tried to see if there was anything I could do about it. I was seriously considering the possibility of starting to save up money to buy an advanced editing software that would be able to save HD videos. Then, somewhere in the process of my research, I stumbled upon a tutorial, and after carefully making sure it wasn't a virus then proceeding with following its instructions, something amazing happened. Long story short, I was given some add-ons for my existing Windows Movie Maker, adding the option of saving videos in 1920x1080 HD. I immediately edited a video, saved it with the new option, and uploaded it on YouTube. Sure enough, the "HD" tag was there. And the quality issue was solved. The total cost? Zero. I must say life is definitely quite amazing sometimes...

Yesterday afternoon I decided to catch a small car meet - Extreme Dimensions' open house in Fullerton - and collect some footage. One of the cars filmed there, a beautiful red Noble M400, served as a great candidate for my first public HD video (all the test videos were done privately so that nobody would see my stupidity). Just minutes ago, that video went online, and after watching it on YouTube a couple times, I'm left amazed beyond description. When viewed on highest resolution, the quality is so good that when I press "pause", the screenshot is more clear than some people's photos. And when viewed on full screen, I literally feel like I'm back at the event reliving those moments all over again. And to think that all this could be packaged into a simple point & shoot camera! I may not be a very tech-savvy person, but this little piece of technology definitely has me blown away.

Now that I've gained even more confidence in my new camera, there are just a few more things that need to be done. First is saving up money to buy a new external hard drive - At this rate, I'm gonna run out of space on my computer (and existing external drive) within the next few months, so something needs to be done quickly. After that will come the ammunition upgrades (spare battery, bigger memory card). Once that's taken care of, I will be able to plan trips to meets and other hot spots and start collecting footage exclusively in high-definition!

09/11: Year Three: A New Beginning

It's really funny how, no matter how old I get, it seems like my life is always more or less tied to the academic calendar. Once I graduated from college, I worked as a tutor - A job that revolved around the students' school schedules. Then, just months before I got my office job, I discovered BSF. As crazy as it seems, two years have passed since then, and tonight will mark the beginning of my third year with the fellowship.

I can't help but reflect on just how big of a blessing BSF has been for me over the years, often in the most unexpected ways. It gave me a community that supported me when I didn't have a church home, and it gave me wisdom that prompted the prayers that led to my full-time job. It was through BSF that I met Tiffany, and it was also through BSF that I met several people that I now consider among my closest friends. Throughout the studies of Isaiah and Acts, I enjoyed being blessed week after week by sharing what I learned and hearing what others have learned. This year, we will return to the Old Testament and study the book of Genesis.

I find it interesting how, even though most kids who grew up in Sunday School have learned a lot about how God created bunny rabbits and put a big pretty rainbow in the sky, the book of Genesis is rarely preached about in adult congregations. Maybe it's because there are too many different ways to interpret it. Or maybe it's because everything in the book seems more or less straightforward. But exactly what does it mean that I was created in the image of the God of the universe, and how can that knowledge impact the way I live my life? Genesis speaks of perfect fellowship with God, the beginning of sin, and many other things that should help shape a Christian's fundamental beliefs. And I'm really looking forward to studying the book at a deeper level on this eight-month journey that begins tonight.

One thing I have to point out is that I already know this year is going to be incredibly fun. Why? When your class leader is Rico Marshello, how can it not be fun? We first met two years ago while studying Isaiah, then eventually became friends, and now I get to participate in his class every Tuesday night. We're definitely going to have fun, and at the same time, we'll have plenty to share with and learn from each other and the rest of the group.

BSF may not be an actual church, but I really believe that the whole Body of Christ analogy that has been on my heart more and more in these past few years applies to any gathering of believers, especially one that meets on a regular basis. And it's only right that, having been blessed so much by the group, I do my best to give back in return. Last year, I decided to join the worship team, and this year, I've agreed to take on a little more responsibility in the music ministry. I also believe that a great way to respond to God's blessings is to invite others to come and be a part of it, and I'm glad to say that a few of my friends outside of BSF have decided to come check out the fellowship for the first time. Only God knows how far their commitment to the group will go and how much they will be blessed by it. But I pray that they will have the same open heart that I had when I first showed up at BSF so that they may allow God to transform their lives according to His perfect will.

I pray for myself, too, that I may not allow pride, halfheartedness, or any impure motives to taint my attitude toward BSF just because I've been there for two years already. Every new year is a new beginning, and I pray that I may put my heart into studying Genesis and loving my brothers and sisters at BSF just like I did when I first decided to check out the fellowship. And as new friendships are formed and existing relationships are strengthened, I pray with the same attitude I had in the very beginning that I may not be driven by my own desires, but rather seek to give God glory above all else.

09/03: I can't believe it's already over. I can close my eyes now and still see beautiful images of forests and stars and hear voices of joy and hope from the group of 50-something brothers and sisters who chose to spend Labor Day weekend at Pine Valley Bible Conference Center for the 2012 Connections Retreat. The theme of the retreat was "Relationally Authentic: Growing Together", and that's exactly what we did. As one of the newer members of FECSGV's Connections (English-speaking) service, I found this to be a great chance to get to know my immediate spiritual family at a deeper level. But even for those who have been attending the church for a long time, there were still new people to meet and new relationships to build. And over the course of this retreat, we had the opportunity to not only learn what it means to be one body in Christ, but also put the things we learned to practice.

There were many things about this reatreat that took getting used to. First, and most obvious, was the insanely long drive there. Tiffany and I first enjoyed lunch at Irvine Spectrum, and I had hoped that we could stop along the scenic drive down the 5 Freeway to walk around and take pictures by the ocean. But the ridiculous traffic conditions left us no time for any detours, and even so we ended up arriving about 20 minutes late. (I later discovered that I could have taken the 15 Freeway, which would have involved no traffic jams at all). Thankfully, dinner was still being served.

The drive was the first thing that gave me the reality check that occured throughout the retreat - this was a retreat for adults. The last time I attended a retreat with a church was back in December of 2007 (with GCCI), and even though I had already graduated from college at the time, 90% of the people there were still college or high school students. That's how every church retreat I ever attended was like. Sure, I thought it would be nice if, like those retreats, there was an option to meet up at church and ride a bus there together. But I guess we're all old enough to either drive ourselves or arrange our own carpools. It was also strange to me that there weren't a bunch of "camp rules" - lights out at 10PM, no boys in the girls cabins, no girls in the boys cabins, no ditching morning prayer sessions, no "purpling", etc... We're all adults, and not only so, but we're all believers who are old enough to exercise wisdom in what we can and can't do in order to benefit the group as a whole and not cause anyone to stumble.

I was surprised to discover on the first night's meeting that our speaker, Pastor Paul Kim, is a pastor at Ambassador Church in Brea - one of the eight churches I visited during my church exploration journey and current home church of my cousins and several friends. He shared about his experiences growing up in a Korean-American church and seeing cultural differences, age gaps, language barriers, and other issues prevent the church from being united. It sounded exactly like many of the problems Chinese-American churches struggle with, and as one who has witnessed those problems, been hurt by them, and felt urged to help others avoid the same mistakes, I felt like the message - and the theme of this whole retreat - was one that was very close to my heart.

After the session, we split off into "breakout groups", which were wisely assigned by counting off, so that we wouldn't all be bunched up with people we were already comfortable with. I was grouped with Billy, Jack, and Kaitlin - a father, a young husband, and a student. What a beautiful picture of the unity we're trying to achieve! After a quick time of introducing ourselves, we all shared our thoughts on the message and the things we learned, then spent some time praying for each other.

Tiffany and I were not in the same group, and I actually think that's a good thing. As much as we enjoyed spending time together, this retreat wasn't supposed to be an extended romantic date, but rather a chance to grow as members of the same family in Christ and let our relationship help us as we work toward the goal of unity within the Body. Thankfully though, "romantic walks", which falls under "purpling", wasn't prohibited, so we were still able to spend plenty of time together throughout the retreat, enjoying the beautiful atmosphere and praising the God who has brought us together.

Even back when I went to GCCI's retreats as a student, I wasn't very good at obeying the curfew rule. I wasn't one of those kids that stayed up late making noise and disturbing the whole camp, but I simply wanted to seize every opportunity to enjoy what, to me, has always been one of the most precious things about retreats - to go away from home, leave behind my normal routine life and the things that distract me, and meet with God and experience Him (whether alone or with others) in a different way. That's why, when we were told the wifi password for Pine Valley, I didn't even bother writing it down. (Not that I had anything to access the internet with, anyway). In fact, my phone was already packed away in my luggage, along with my car key. I didn't want to let myself be tempted in any way to cling on to my comfort zone when I had traveled almost 150 miles away from home to be in an intentionally different environment. Alone in the peaceful beauty of the night, I prayed to God silently. Sure, I was feeling very frustrated earlier in the evening about being stuck in traffic and arriving late, even to a point where I found myself questioning if I really wanted to be there or not. But as I gazed at the moon-lit silhouettes of mountains lined with trees both near and far, none of that mattered anymore. It had been way too long since I went on a retreat in a forest like those I went to in my high school and college years, and considering that this was my first retreat with the church that I had just decided a few months ago to commit to, I was confident that it was going to be a life-changing experience, and all I wanted to do was trust in God to lead the way and let His will be done.

Unsurprisingly, I didn't sleep all that well the first night, given that I'm one of those people who often has trouble falling asleep when in a new environment. Oh, and shortly before I went to bed I heard multiple reports of black widow spottings and rumors of a tarantula discovered in another room. I checked every corner of my room before going to bed to make sure it was spider-free. For the sake of wanting to be as far from arachnids as possible, I gladly offered Joey the main bed and took the little bunk bed in the corner.

Thankfully, I was still able to wake up on time on Sunday morning for the half-hour slot dedicated to being alone with God. I jokingly told several people that this time should be scheduled after breakfast so that people would actually wake up for it. In fact, if I were still a high school or college student, I would be very tempted to sleep through it too. But how often do I get to enjoy spending time with God in such a wide expanse of nature's beauty? I went to the main meeting room, and, upon discovering to my surprise that nobody was there, I played a few tunes on the piano. I heard the door open and close a few times, but forced myself to not even turn around. I wanted to worship God wholeheartedly, and I didn't want the knowledge that someone else was present to distract me or cause me to play for the wrong reasons. A few minutes later, with a cup of hot cocoa (an essential part of the complete retreat experience) in hand, I went for a little early morning nature walk, during which I read the suggested devotional in our booklet and mediated on it.

Back in the meeting room, those of us who were awake gathered in small groups to pray. There wasn't an assigned leader or a set list of prayer topics; we simply shared what was on our hearts and prayed for those things. And, keeping in line with the retreat's theme, times like this helped us to bond, get to know each other better, and become stronger as a family in Christ. Of course, the word "tarantula" popped up quite frequently, especially when photos proved that the tarantula was in fact real, and that the dead body was still sitting outside the security booth for all to see. I dared myself to take a look, and it wasn't any less big or scary than the tarantulas on TV. Oh, and after lunch Ken decided to offer me a kind surprise by holding the dead spider to my face. At least he didn't throw it at me...

During breakfast, I discovered a beverage section similar to those in the UCLA dining halls and tried to recreate the same juice mix and "teafee" I enjoyed every day in college. It wasn't perfect, but it was good enough to make me happy. Tiffany and I spent the remaining free time walking around the campsite enjoying each other's company until it was time for the morning session to begin. After singing some praise songs and listening to the message on true peace and the importance of love and faith, followed by another session of breakout groups, Tiffany and I got to enjoy a great conversation with Pastor Paul and his wife (also named Tiffany). In the past, I had never really made an effort to spend time talking with retreat speakers, but the fact that we know so many people in common and that the things he shared are so close to my heart really prompted me to do more than just say hello.

Next in the schedule was lunch, followed by free time until dinner. I had felt that the retreat would be way too short, since there was only one day to enjoy from morning till night. But thankfully, those four hours of free time turned out to be not only sufficient, but also both eventful and relaxing. From the tire swing to the zipline, from learning archery to playing and singing worship songs, the afternoon served as a time for everyone to get to know each other better through having fun and watching each other embarass ourselves.

I made it a goal, as a part of putting in effort to meet and interact with more people, to sit at a different table for every meal in the dining hall, whether that meant joining the people I was already with or starting a new table. Thankfully, I never ended up sitting alone. Oh, and Tiffany liked my teafee! I think a small part of why I find retreats so enjoyable is that there's always a seemingly endless supply of sugar and caffiene which keeps me wide awake throughout the day even when I'm running on little sleep.

It was during the night session that it really hit me that the retreat was already coming to an end, even though we had only been there for just a little over 24 hours. Thanks to Loire and Grace's creativity, we enjoyed filling our already-stuffed stomachs even more with a doughnut relay game, which required Grace to sacrifice her free time to drive half an hour to the nearest Target to buy supplies. Oh, the things they do to enjoy watching us looking like idiots. At least the doughnut I ate was a chocolate one. The more sugar, the better.

Amazingly, we were not too overcome by food coma to stay focused on the praise songs, the message, and the final breakgrout group session. After having so many opportunities to get to know each other better through eating, playing games, and hanging out, the whole idea of being unified suddenly seemed so much more tangible. Sure, we're all very different people, whether it's because of age, gender, ethnicity, marital status, or anything else. But our goal is unity, not uniformity. And it is by knowing and accepting each other's strengths, weaknesses, differences, and similarities that we can build authentic relationships and strive for maturity.

It was our final night to enjoy together at the retreat, and what better way to mark the occasion than with a good ol' bonfire, complete with smores? (I wanted to kabob that tarantula and sacrifice it, but by then its body was nowhere to be found...) Just the night before retreat started, I realized that it would be a perfect opportunity for me to put to use the new flashlight that had been sitting unopened in my room for several years. A little random piece of advice - if you ever have trouble shopping for a gift for guys, either go for something that screams "epic", or go for something that lights up. When Ben gave me this 3-million-candlepower superlight as a birthday gift, he definitely hit both of those targets. Apparently people at Connections aren't used to seeing such big lights (unlike the guys I knew from InterVarsity who always wanted to 1-up each other with better flashlights to bring to our Catalina conferences), but I was glad to not only have fun playing with it, but also use it to help the poor souls who were stranded in the dark forest without a light.

At the big bonfire, we enjoyed great conversations, tasty smores, and an impromptu family photo booth. The game room was open, so Tiffany and I enjoyed some air hockey that turned out to be more dangerous than expected, since the puck had an unusual tendency to fly. Then, for the rest of the night, it was just me and God. For some strange reason, I found myself abnormally eager to be honest with my heart and not care about what people thoughtthroughout the retreat. Maybe it was because of the fresh new environment, or the fact that I was with a new group of people, or the fact that I was simply too tired to put on any masks. But I wanted to be real, as real as possible, both with people and with God. And even though I knew it would be a good idea for me to go to bed, I also knew that it would be the last chance in God-only-knows-how-long for me to enjoy a conversation with Him in view of such a beautiful night sky. I didn't even want to play with my epic flashlight, in fear of disturbing such a peaceful and glorious atmosphere.

So I simply walked around and prayed. And it wasn't the typical "God give me this, God give me that" prayer. I had a real conversation with God, in which I reflected on the journey that brought me to FECSGV, from discovering BSF to meeting Tiffany to visiting The Bridge to checking out Connections, followed by the eight-week explorational journey that helped me finally commit to the group. One lesson we learned during the first night's session was to remember the past as a way to come to recognize and appreciate the present reality. And when I took the time to remember and reflect, I saw God's sovereignty both in how He guided me when I felt lost and how He led me to my new home. Then I thought about last summer's amazing encounters with God in my backyard, leading to the amazing realization that, when I gazed up at the sky, I was looking at a distance so great that the only thing limiting me from seeing the end is my own eyesight, and that the God of Infinity is also the God who created every detail of my life and loves me so much that He sent His son to die for my sins. I came to that realization after spotting a few shooting stars from my backyard, and needless to say, the view of the stars (and shooting stars) from Pine Valley was far more spectacular. I couldn't help but dwell in God's presence with a worshipful attitude until tears of joy began fo fall from my eyes.

By the time I returned to my room and scanned it for spiders, almost everyone had gone to bed already. Joey invited me to join a few of the guys to play some board games in the room next door, but I had to turn down his invitation knowing that, as much as I didn't want to admit it, there was going to be a very long drive home the next day that I had to save energy for.

Still, I ended up waking up this morning about 15 minutes later than I should have. I jumped out of bed, took a couple minutes to get ready, then grabbed my Bible and booklet and went outside to catch what was left of our personal devotional time. I knew that I can technically do devotionals anytime during the day, but the retreat was ending soon, and I had to seize every moment I had, even if it meant that there was no time to start things off with a nice warm cup of hot cocoa.

Just like yesterday morning, we gathered in the main meeting room for a time of prayer. Coincidentally, the two spontaneously-formed circles were divided perfectly by gender. (Where's the unity?) Even though I felt very tired from the lack of caffiene, I still felt compelled to share what I had just learned minutes ago from my devotional time.

1 Peter 3:8-11 instructs us to "try to live in peace even if you must run after it to catch and hold it". We had already learned much about what it means to live in peace, but the fact that we have to run after it gave me a new realization - it's not going to be easy. There will be times when we are too tired or too lazy to run, but peace is not going to stay with us unless we make an effort to keep it, especially in the times when don't feel like it. I shared with my group about how easy it is for me to enjoy an amazing retreat, then go home and immediately get sucked back into my old life as if everything that happened was just a dream. Then we all prayed together for strength and courage to hold on tightly to everything we learned and let it penetrate our everyday lives and our relationships with one another.

We all enjoyed breakfast together, our final meal at the retreat, then took some time to pack our belongings before the final meeting session. Pastor Paul gave his last sermon of the series - one that dealt with applications of authenticity in specific relationships - husband and wife, children and parents, employer and employee, teacher and student, etc. Together, all of these relationships make up the church, and being authentic means that rather than separating church life from home, school, and work life, we should do everything with integrity, knowing that we are all accountable to God.

There was enough time at the end for a quick group picture, and suddenly I realized that, throughout the retreat, I didn't see anyone carrying one of those big expensive DSLR cameras. So after a couple seconds of silence, I gladly volunteered mine. I've always been one of those people who love pictures but feels bad to have to bother people over and over again to send them to me. So I promised everyone I would send the group pictures to the leaders to distribute, then set the camera on a music stand and used the magic of timer mode to get the job done. It was definitely a great honor - a small but personally meaningful way of both capturing great memories and contributing to the community.