12/31: Questions and Answers

Every time a new year is about to begin, I take some time to reflect on what has taken place in the past year and consider what the future may hold. Usually, I'm left with many questions that prompt me to put my faith in God in order to wisely seek the answers. This past year, I've also received many answers to some of the biggest questions I've been asking over the past several years.

2018 began with me transitioning to a new job which I had accepted just before the new year started. While I received the Management Analyst title I had spent over a year trying to earn, I had to leave behind my old Department (which I had long planned to stay with) and switch to an entirely new environment. I had heard many negative things about the new Department, and it was difficult to not let those things affect my attitude when I first started. I now understand why people said the things they did, and the longer I spend in my current cubicle, the more I agree with them. However, I also found myself surprised at just how much I've learned and how interested I am in the work I now do. Ultimately, this transition taught me that while commitment is a positive and very important trait, things won't always go as I plan, and it's no less important to always keep an open mind and think about the big picture.

I was also blessed with a seemingly endless list of music arrangement projects which kept me busy until only recently when I had to temporarily put them on hold to focus on more urgent priorities. Thanks to these projects, I've finally managed to save up enough money for some desperately needed equipment upgrades, including a new full-size keyboard. While I haven't had time to make any purchases yet, I'm sure the new gear will help me not only further develop my creativity and improve the quality of my work, but also find greater joy in making music as a hobby and a form of worship.

The reason I've been so busy recently is probably the biggest change that took place this year - in November, Tiffany and I finally managed to buy our first home. After living in our apartment for over three years, we left behind what will always be remembered as our first residence as a married couple and moved into a condo we can now truly call our own home. The transition has been surprisingly problematic, and to this day there is no clear end in sight for the countless unexpected issues we've been dealing with. But at the end of each day, there's nothing like the feeling of being home and learning to responsibly manage our home together.

Tiffany and I had considered buying a home since I completed probation as an Analyst in July, but there was one main reason that prompted us to act quickly. I'm pretty sure news has spread fast enough among our various social circles that most people who care to know already know. But for those who don't know, I'm glad to say that we are expecting to add a new member to our family in mid-spring! In the coming months, we'll surely be shifting our priorities toward preparing for this exciting change. While our home is still far from presentable right now, another month or so will surely allow us to have it cleaned and furnished, complete with a room prepared for the baby.

Another highlight of this past year was an unexpected trip to Taiwan together in August. While our time was extremely limited, it was great to explore our heritage and meet each other's family members that we had never met before. We had joked then that by the next time we return to Taiwan, chances are we'll be travelling with more than just the two of us. Little did we know that the whole time we were there, Tiffany had already been carrying the baby!

If I must to choose only one area for growth in 2019, it would be faith. Ministry has continued to be an area of struggle, as various conflicting priorities among those I work closely with have continued making it difficult for me to not only serve effectively, but grow in faith while serving. In spring, I made the difficult but increasingly necessary decision of leaving BSF's San Gabriel Young Adults class, which I'd attended for eight years, to transfer to the nearby Temple City Men's class. While there are certainly things I miss about the old class, being in a more mature and diverse environment has definitely helped me grow in desperately needed ways. In addition, a men's discipleship group at my church has played an important role in helping me connect with my church family outside of serving. Faith in God has many components, and it has become increasingly clear that, with all the challenges and transitions I've been going through and will continue going through, my own faith is too weak to guide me without an unwavering focus on God, the support of a strong community, and a clear sense of purpose in ministry. I hope and pray that in the new year, I will humbly seek all these things and allow God to continue leading me to grow in this area.

Each year, I receive answers to many questions. But at the same time, I also discover many new questions to ask. And the older I get, the more I understand that this is the way it will always be until I meet Jesus face to face. Amidst current problems at work and anticipated major financial struggles, when and how will I take the next step forward in my career? What new opportunities will I have to develop my gifts in music? Will I continue participating and serving in the ministries I'm involved with now? Will there be new opportunities for me to use my God-given gifts and grow in my weaknesses? What will our baby be like, and how will it change our lives, our attititudes, and our priorities?

God does not want us to live mediocre, question-free lives. When life is boring, routine, and directionless, chances are it's time to figure out what's wrong. Life as God intended is supposed to be exciting. That means there will be plenty of challenges and uncertainties, too. But through those times, we learn to grow stronger, trust Him, and witness His provision. While it's easy and tempting to let the challenges of 2018 get the best of me, the truth is that God has been no less faithful than He always had been, and He has provided more blessings than I can count. He alone is fully trustworthy. I pray that in 2019, I will acknowledge Him in every success and trust Him in every struggle. May His will continue to be done.

12/21: I've always believed that there were two main resource limitations in life - time and money. As a college student, I had plenty of time to enjoy, but had to be careful to not spend too much money. When I started working full time, money became less of a problem, but time became much more limited. Generally speaking, gaining one resource required first spending either the same resource or the other as an investment. Ultimately, it was all about finding and producing an ideal balance of both in order to make the most out of life.

Over the past few years and especially in most recent months, I've come to see that there is actually a third resource limitation that must always be taken into consideration - strength. This refers to not only physical strength, but also overall health and mental and emotional well-being. I often find myself working hard to make money and save time. But sometimes when I have time and money, I simply don't have the strength to put them to use. Too often I'm either too mentally drained, physically tired, or emotionally defeated to carry out my own plans. I know that as I get older, this resource isn't exactly going to increase on its own. And ultimately, this is the resource that will be fully depleted when I take my last breath and go meet Jesus face to face.

It's really kind of a scary realization. But it also helps me put things into perspective, especially in a time when all three resources seem to be in short supply. The new condo is still a mess after about a month, with countless hours of cleaning and repairing still waiting to be done once spare time is actually available. As for money, I know that in the near future it's going to become a critical concern, and something needs to be done about it as soon as possible. And through all this, I often find myself so exhausted that I lose all sense of hope and excitement. (Is Christmas really only four days away?) What the heck am I doing with my life anyway? Why am I driving myself crazy every day fighting this battle that seems to have no end in sight?

God is in complete control of all three resources, and I really, really need to remember that right now. That's the only way I'm going to start actually feeling excited about all that I've been blessed with. That's the only way I'm going to be able to truly love and care for the people closest to me. That's the only way I'm going to find hope and purpose each day. I pray that in my many weaknesses, God's strength will be greatly magnified.

11/30: Back when Tiffany and I were preparing for married life, some of the biggest challenges we anticipated stemmed from the fact that neither of us had any experience being fully independent from our parents. I spent all my college years living in dorms (instead of apartments) and returned home almost every weekend. Tiffany went to college locally and commuted from home. So from the moment we began looking for an apartment as our first home together, it was a fresh new experience for both of us.

As with pretty much every fresh new experience, there were both moments of success and moments of defeat. There was excitement and there was frustration. There were mistakes made, lessons learned, and joyful moments that we can never forget. And as with most experiences in this world, it wasn't meant to last forever. Today we stopped by our apartment one last time and turned in the keys, bringing an end to this significant chapter of our married life.

Tiffany and I had not originally considered looking for an apartment in Monrovia. For me, it was simply because I knew too little about the city; I had never even heard of it until Tiffany took me there once when we were dating. After spending an entire day visiting various apartments across the San Gabriel Valley but failing to find anything truly suitable, we stumbled upon the Monrovia vacancy through a random online search. With a reasonable idea of the size, price, and ameneties we were looking for thanks to the prior visits, we both agreed that this was a considerable option. A couple visits to the property confirmed our opinion, and we eventually applied, qualified, signed the contract, and moved in.

Just as we planned, I moved in to the apartment first, simply to get some experience living independently, and she moved in a few months later on the night of our wedding. It didn't take long for us to fall in love with Monrovia - It was close enough to many of the Asian restaurants and markets we love, but far enough to maintain great diversity, with an old-fashioned American feel that's becoming increasingly scarce in Southern California. When friends visited and we were going out to eat, I would simply ask them what ethnic type of food they wanted. Monrovia pretty much had it all, without any particular cuisine or culture becoming excessively dominant.

For the first year or so after starting to rent, I commuted to my old job in City of Industry while looking for new job opportunities. I eventually began my career with the City of Los Angeles, just months after the completion of the new Metro Gold Line extension, which included a train station in Monrovia within walking distance from the apartment. I still drove to the station on most days, simply to save time. Even so, my car was used so infrequently that sometimes I only had to fill up gas once a month. Tiffany's job in Arcadia required only a short drive, allowing her to help with running errands locally and even stopping by the apartment during lunch break when necessary. Transportation played a crucial role in helping both of us save money over time.

For most people, choosing a home involves facing inevitable financial limitations. Needless to say, there's no perfect solution, and pretty much every option out there will have both pros and cons. Our apartment had a surprisingly big living room but a very small yard (balcony). We had two reasonably-sized bedrooms but limited closet and storage space. We got two parking spaces in a gated lot without an extra monthly charge, but we had to pay to use the shared laundry facility. Generally speaking, we got exactly what we were looking for - a reasonably spacious two-bedroom apartment with two parking spaces, in close proximity to our families, church commitments, and recreational activities, in a gated property where we felt safe and comfortable. We were on a residential street with low traffic flow, but within walking distance of a few markets and restaurants and even Monrovia's famous Friday night Farmer's Market, which we enjoyed visiting on several occasions. We never stopped being thankful for all those things. But over the past three years, we also discovered many challenges that we didn't originally anticipate, all of which can essentially be summed up into two categories.

The first was maintenance and management. While the property is beautiful, safe, and spacious, it was unfortunately plagued by negligent and irresponsible management. An outdoor spotlight that neighbors had reported broken since the time we moved in was left broken for over three years and not fixed until, ironically, we were in the process of moving out. Countless complaints of neighbors breaking various rules at the expense of the well-being of others resulted in no tangible change. A large portion of the property flooded each time it rained, and for over a year management simply had a worker vacuum out the excess water each time it happened before finally realizing that they should get someone to actually clear the pipes to put an end to the problem. Earlier this year, a huge row of outdoor storage cabinets in the parking lot collapsed in the middle of the day, and after an unnecessarily long process of cleaning up the mess (during which tenants were told to park in the fire lane overnight) and being initially told that the cabinets would eventually be repaired or rebuilt, management ended up simply removing the cabinets permanently with no evident plans to replace them. Thankfully, we had nothing fragile or valuable stored there, and because our two parking spaces were in different areas, at least one of our storage cabinets still survived and could be used. For less fortunate neighbors who lost all their storage space, they received no compensation (from what we were told) and were simply forced to dump everything into their already crowded units. Over the past ten months that I've worked for the Housing Department of Los Angeles, I came to understand more and more about the importance of prompt and proper maintenance of residential properties. And while my work made me more thankful in many ways for what I'd been blessed with, it also made me realize that the way our apartment was being managed was simply unacceptable.

The second challenge we faced was increasing rent. Looking back now, it's hard to imagine how we were too inexperienced three years ago to even think about this potential problem. As soon as we reached the end of our initial one-year contract, we were slapped with our first rent increase notice. And with each new year came a new notice. The rent we paid for our final month was almost 24% higher than the rent we paid in 2015. We had met several neighbors who had initially told us how they had been living there for many years and had almost no problems, but over the past few years ended up moving out, most likely due to the rent increases. From what I understand, the property was going through a change of ownership/management around the time we moved in. Surely the new owner places personal financial gain above the well-being of tenants. And in a city that has limited laws governing rent increases, there was really nothing we could do about it.

That brings me to what I now believe is the heart of the problem with being a renter, and probably the main reason we've decided to move on - just how little control you have over your own home and essentially your own life. Rent (or mortgage) payments are typically a household's single largest monthly expense, and to leave it subject to major changes makes it pretty much impossible to manage your finances and consequently much of your overall well-being. From my limited understanding, the maximum allowable rent increase in most places is 10% with notice sent at least month in advance. But 10% can easily equate to nearly a couple hundred dollars a month, which is often difficult to obtain no matter how much time you're given. It didn't take Tiffany and I long to realize that we had pretty much no way of predicting future changes in rent or determining which of our actions or choices may contribute to the owner's decision of how much to increase our rent. By making maintenance requests or submitting complaints, could we be drawing too much attention to ourselves, ultimately causing the owner to raise our rent? There was really no way of knowing, and as a result, we were, to an extent, forced to live in constant fear.

Yes, we believe in God's ultimate care for His people and control over all circumstances. But that doesn't mean we should sit back and let others take advantage of us when we're given opportunities to take on more responsibility. We had known for a long time that, sooner or later, we would end up with only two options - either to move out because we could afford to buy our own place, or to move out because rent got so expensive that, given that we would have to cut down on our expenses anyway, we might as well pay for a mortgage instead. After all, why pay for someone else's investment when we can pay for our own? Yes, owning a home involves new responsibilities and a whole different set of challenges. But at least in the end the home's value belongs to us. We're very thankful to have been blessed with the opportunity and the means to buy a home. Despite any challenges that may come, this decision to us means growing up, having a better grasp of our lives, and taking a giant step forward.

Still, any place that we've called home, even if only rented and not permanent, will always have a place in our hearts. And since both of our families still own the houses where we spent most of our lives since childhood, this is our first time as adults leaving a home knowing that we'll never return again. In this apartment we built up the first three years of our marriage. We picked all our furniture together, enjoyed countless meals and movies, and planned for vacations and other unforgettable events. We laughed, cried, and grew together in our love for one another through both challenges and celebrations. And now, it's time to say goodbye and move on to the next chapter of our lives and our marriage.

God's blessings are rarely trouble-free, because they are intended to help us not only find joy in Him, but also grow and learn to trust Him. Even before we moved into our newly purchased condo, we already knew that there would be challenges. Paying off the mortgage is a long-term commitment that required us to make immediate changes to how we budget our money and trust God to provide for future financial needs. The longer and less convenient daily commute to and from work demands more energy and patience from both of us as we now have more things to do at home and less time to do them all. And of course, we are now fully responsible for doing whatever is necessary to fix and maintain basically everything in our home.

Our ultimate home is in heaven, and we should consider everything we have in this world - even our homes - a gift from God to be used wisely. Apartment life was a memorable experience, and I'm sure life in our new condo will be no less memorable. We thank God for blessing us with our apartment for the past three and a half years, and look forward to what the next chapter has in store for us.

11/26: In this Thanksgiving season, Tiffany and I definitely have a lot to be thankful for. I'm glad to say that as of last Saturday night, we've officially moved in to our new home.

11/10: It has been an extremely busy month or so. Sometimes there's so much to do that days feel like mere minutes, and sometimes periods of waiting become so frustrating that days feel like weeks or months. Long story short, Tiffany and I recently bought our first home. While we had been considering buying a home for several months already, the actual decision ended up happening a lot more quickly than we thought was possible, and suddenly we found ourselves signing papers, preparing to make the down payment, and planning the move out of our apartment.

Usually when it comes to going through a new experience that involves working with paid professionals, I always try to gain a little expertise in hope of saving money the next time around. This is definitely not one of those cases. Yes, I've certainly learned a lot throughout the process. But there's simply so much to know and be concerned about, so many problems to resolve, and so much time spent resolving them (even as a client) that I'd much rather leave it to the experts and pay for their services.

And unfortunately, even that doesn't seem to be good enough. Much of the process so far has been disasterous, leaving me with both short-term inconveniences and long-term problems that are wrongly laid upon me. To be honest, right now there are individuals that I would love to see hurt very badly, if it weren't for the good Lord who is kindly holding me back. I won't go into details now for the sake of not dwelling too much on those unhealthy thoughts. But thanks to these individuals, what I thought should have been a joyful process now points me at a series of future problems that I have neither the wisdom nor the ability to face.

Don't get me wrong - the home itself is great. Tiffany and I are truly blessed, and we're really looking forward to getting the keys - whenever that will actually happen. But to be honest, I have no feelings about it right now. I've learned a very important lesson over these last few weeks - Aside from God, the only person I can trust is myself. I'm the only one that can make things happen as they should and keep myself informed if they don't. And aside from faith in God who is fully trustworthy, I shouldn't believe anything anyone says until it's clearly within my own grasp, no matter who it is or what it's about.

I admit that this isn't exactly a healthy way to live. But at this point, it is what it is. I'd rather die early knowing I've done my best and made the most out of my life than live long and constantly get disappointed when rightful expectations fail to be met. My only assurance is that all things are within the scope of God's goodness, power, and sovereignty. When He intends for something to happen, it's going to happen. And when He doesn't let something happen, it's because He has good intentions for not letting it happen. One thing I know for sure is that all of the problems, disappointments, and frustrations I've faced in this process has really taught me to put my hope in God rather than in anyone or anything in this world. With that in mind, I'm simply going to take things one day at a time, knowing that everything happens according to His perfect will and timing.