06/01: Yesterday I had the opportunity to discuss plans for a current music collaboration project, and I'm quite amazed at just how optimistic and encouraged it left me feeling. It was just great to realize that, for once, I'm neither being taken advantage of nor being unappreciated. And it was no less great to be able to effectively communicate several aspects of my heart for music to someone actually who understands, appreciates, and respects it.

First, my passion for music and commitment to pursuing it does not change because of my current life stage. Yes, being married, having a kid, and having a full-time job means that I have many God-given responsibilities that must be prioritized. But those things don't change the fact that music is a gift from God that I'm called to use for His glory. I may not be a carefree 21-year-old dreaming of becoming a superstar without having experienced the weight of adulthood's many challenges. And frankly, I've realized more and more as I got older that fame and wealth really isn't what I truly desire with music. Music has been for me, ever since childhood, a symbol of God's sovereignty and provision, a journey of numerous unexpected twists and turns giving me increasing certainty that He does indeed have a unique plan for my life to glorify Him, and that in my times of doubt He is, as He always has been, faithful to provide. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that it would be wrong of me to see music as merely something I enjoy and have had some degree of success in. God gives us gifts to use for His glory, and to the best of my ability and to the extent possible without compromising other responsibilities, I'm eager to and willing to develop and exercise this gift and maximize its potential.

Second, I believe in the pursuit of excellence. If music is a gift for me to use for God's glory, then I must always remember that I'm working for Him and not for myself or anyone else. Yes, there are often limitations of time, money, skill, and other resources that require me to conclude a project even though I may think there's room for improvement. But all the resources in the world belong to God, and He doesn't expect me to work with any more than what I'm given at any point in time. That means I need to not let my fear of imperfection get the best of me. Sure, I may look back someday and realize what I'm making now sounds like trash. (Believe me, I already feel this way about things I've made in the past!) But if, at this present moment, I'm confident that I've done my best with every resource I've been given, then I should not worry about anything else. The world may often settle for simply doing "good enough" - good enough to sell albums, good enough to satisfy the target audience (which usually doesn't consist of professional artists), good enough compared to other people's work. But I believe true excellence is only measured in two ways - most importantly by God's standard and secondly by my own. If I pray that God will open more doors in the future, then I should do whatever I can to make sure I don't end up failing to walk through those doors because of my own negligence. As long as I'm striving to please God with a worshipful attitude rather than please the world, and as long as I know in my conscience that I've done my best, then I can be certain that the good, sovereign, and all-powerful God will certainly take care of the rest.

05/05: It seems like the world is now closer than ever before to returning to "normal". Despite several re-opening attempts by various government agencies in the past that later proved to be overly optimistic, it now seems like a post-pandemic world might really not be too far away. A couple weeks ago, my co-workers and I received official information from our management that a full return to daily in-office work is planned for mid-June. I find it a little hard to believe that a sudden transition from a nearly empty office to full daily staffing is realistic, and several rumors (with varying levels of credibility) have been circulating about exactly what's being planned and whether or not telecommuting will still be an option. But the important point is that change is certainly coming, and everyone needs to be ready for it.

This prompts me to focus once again on the two most important things I've learned throughout this pandemic. First, I have a lot less control of my life than I'd like to think. Second, every day is a blessing to be used to its full potential. I've always felt a little strange admitting this, but honestly, I have no problem with life the way it is now, and I'll truly miss the comfort and luxury of working from home (and saving several hours a day from not having to commute) when this is all over. I first tasted the blessing of enjoying life at home over an extended period of time without worrying about money while taking paternity leave after Amias' birth, and learned then to treasure every moment I had, knowing that I may not have another opportunity like it again. Who knew that less than a year later, the pandemic would bring about a similar opportunity on a much larger scale? (While I'm still working now rather than using paid time off, the comfort of home and the extra time saved from my commute still gives me plenty of opportunities to enjoy many blessings that I would otherwise leave behind while going to the office). The fact is that between now and mid-June, I still have about as many days to enjoy at home as I did in my entire paternity leave. And as that time has proven, there's still enough time to make a huge difference. So regardless of what changes the future may bring and when those changes may come, I must remember to keep doing my best with each day I'm blessed with, making the most of my time and striving to give God glory in all that I do.