12/30: we went up the mountain as empty jars of clay, not knowing what to expect. i'll admit this year's retreat started off REALLY weird... first we find out we don't need sleeping bags, then we get disappointed when we realized its not gonna snow, then we hear the camp only serves vegetarian food... im sure almost everyone had at least something to complain about before retreat began. some people came to the first night's session unappreciative of the food served at dinner. others came discontent with the fact that our rooms were far too luxurious to feel like a retreat. still others came unable to understand why we traveled all the way up the mountain only to hear the same speakers that preach at church every sunday. the worship team was disappointed because we didn't have monitors and couldn't hear each other at all. but the moment we began to worship God, everything changed. God took away all my worries about the worship set, because as the singers led the congregation, the congregation sang back as clearly as any monitors could ever be, and not once did i lose my place in the songs. while i couldn't follow along during practice, the presence of the people completed the loop. that's what made this year's retreat so special. everyone, young or old, counselor or member, left the mountains having learned something new.

while pine springs ranch seemed too civilized for my taste, it actually helped me focus more on something i have always overlooked at retreats - people. rather than wandering off into the wilderness to meet with God alone, i spent a lot of time building new friendships and strengthening old ones. during our first cabin time meeting, daniel (my group counselor) told everyone that he was sick and that if he lost his voice, he would hand the group to me since i was the second oldest. i could not picture myself playing the role of a retreat counselor (and thankfully daniel made it through every meeting), but it marked the beginning of my realization that my age and position contributes to a significant role among the people. as one of the few college upperclassmen present, many younger brothers and sisters treated me with the same respect that i gave college students when i was in high school and middle school. they wanted to know about my life and my experiences, knowing they will someday walk through the same path i am walking on. with that in mind, i found a new motivation to become a better person so that i can become a good role model for those who look up to me.

much of this reatreat's messages focused on evangelism. i must admit it's one of those topics i would always blow off as unimportant, shifting the focus to my own walk with God. but God asked me a question - how will you feel if you return to school after winter break and find out that something fatal happened to one of your friends and he/she will never be back again? i told God i will cry because i love them and i wish i could have been there to help them. then i understood that from an eternal point of view, i am voluntarily letting my friends die by not helping them when i have a chance. it's one of those things that most Christians hate to admit, but honestly a lot of us simply don't care as much as we should about whether or not people go to heaven or hell, because we are too focused on here and now rather than on eternity. i pray that God will expand my horizons in the coming year, and open my heart and my eyes so that i will feel his burden and his passion for those who don't accept him.

last night i did something i thought i could never do. it took great courage, but i forced myself to get up in front of everyone to share my testimony. God has simply been too good to me these past few years, and i had to let my feelings out and share my joy with everyone. unfortunately i forgot many things i really wish i had the chance to say while i was up there, but as one of the only people my age who have never stood up during an open mic session, i'm glad i finally broke out of my comfort zone.

one thing i made sure i said during open mic was that as much as people tell me i'm good at playing piano (which i'm not gonna deny because God has already identifed music as my passion), one thing i know i can't do is fill people with the holy spirit. i can't make people stand up and dance shout for joy. i can't make people fall on their knees and cry. i can't make a group of a hundred people pray passionately together for one another's needs. and i knew it was all God because many times i was so engaged in worshipping that i closed my eyes and forgot i was playing piano until i felt my fingers moving. when i opened my eyes, i saw many of my brothers and sisters dancing with their hands in the air, and just as many crying on their knees. some were pastors, others were counselors, and still others were everyday people. together we became the real worship team, giving praise in unison to the God that never fails to prove Himself faithful.

we came down the mountain as jars of clay with passion and purpose. because our original expectations were so small, there was room for God to fill our jars based on our individual needs. and now that we're back home living our usual lives, i pray that we will begin to live out the things we learned in the mountains and shift our eyes to glory in eternity that outweights all our light and momentary troubles.

12/26: amazingly fun day today =). went to emilys house for lunch with her n lois. we finished watching the scissorhand wutever-its-called movie taht we started in the summer but never finished. i almost forgot about it =/. but it was soo good! i cant believe i almost cried hehe. then we did worship stuff... that was fun! gosh i totally missed our little "studio sessions" haha... we soo need to do that more! then i went to meet with debbie @ AMC20 for movie. also met her friend emily n her bf robin. we watched "rumor has it". pretty good =). then we wandered around the theatre for a lon glong time then dinnered @ johnny rocket. so apparently the mall had no WATER. it was weird but still food was good. then we went to tilt for a lil bit. then chilled @ robins house. watched some show about building oil rigs. pretty interesting actually... so robins into 3d puzzles and legos too. guess we have a lot in common =). then i took emily home and i went for a lil break at the hilltop. why? first of all it always amazes me when old friends want to hang out again, and its always great to end such a funfilled day with a time of silence. also, its my last night at home before winter retreat!!! yupyup... i cant wait. its gonna be sooo fun.. i hear this year things are gonna be a lil different. not sure exatly wut to expect, but i just hope (and pray) God will speak to me in a way i need him to. okee, i'm done talking now. see you guys friday! and if ur also going to retreat, see u tomorrow! =)

12/25: okee its past midnight so christmas is over =/. soooo heres my plans for the rest of winter break so far - WINTER RETREAT this tuesday morning to friday afternoon. as usual, i'm gonna take the "retreat" seriou5ly, which means u wont be able to reach me during those days unless ur also there in person. NEW YEARS EVE - ucc (soon to be called gcc hehe) will have events for english and chinese services... i'll be playing worship downstairs but i should be upstairs during my free time. so be there and celebrate the new year with me =). JESSICAS PARTY - if i know you and u know jessica you need to be there at the party. yea i know i usually dont say yes to insanely expensive food, but once in a while wont hurt =). its gonna be soo fun... LOS ANGELES AUTO SHOW - yupyup, its time once again! this is the LAST year the show will be in january... starting next year they're gonna move it up to october (i think) to set it apart from the Detroit show. but anyways, i'm most likely going on Saturday 1/7 (early afternoon til evening/night). people going so far - me ken david ricky (maybe). if u wanna go please give me a heads up cuz it would be great if we can all carpool. parking is like $15 (no kidding... they're that desperate) and the LA Convention Center is not exactly a close drive so we can all split the costs so everyone benefits =). ohh and admission is $10. trust me, its totally worth it. this is one of the biggest auto shows in america (detroit, chicago, new york, los angeles) and theres's gonna be some amazing stuff there. liek what? how about the Bugatti Veyron =). Maserati Birdcage 75th. Gallardo Spyder. Fisker model line. DUB Magazine's Celebrity Car Showcase. and lots lots lots more. ok, enough talk about the show. actually, enough talk period. i think im gonna ashut up now. goodnight!

12/25: *deep sigh of relief* its pretty amazing that i'm actually online updating this thing right now. but first of all, merry christmas everyone =). its soo great to see everybody @ church on christmas. and thanx for all the cards/phonecalls/ims/presents/whatevers... so yesterday was quite an adventure... i woke up and turned on the computer and *pOoF* it wouldnt load windows... at least not until like 20 minutes later - literally. i did a virus scan... no infections. tried defragmenting... but since i went to worship practice and steph n ben's house for hotpot dinner (=D), i didnt get to sit there and track wut happened, so when i got home at night it was frozen. sounds familiar? im guessing its the exact same problem as in march. but why again!? i stayed up pretty late last night trying to figure things out. wut a great way to spend christmas eve huh? i ran another defragment overnight, and when i woke up this morning it was successful =). so now i'm back in windows and already deleted a lot of the corrupted files (assuming its still a hard drive error) and i'm back online. what a miracle... all i really wanted was for the computer to last until the end of the year (since thats when i do my backup CD for july-december), and it looks like its likely to happen =). and i really hope this harddrive is still under warranty cuz the price of two replacement harddrives could buy me a new desktop. so yea... lets hope everything works out. for now, merry christmas! =)

12/22: when you're at a chinese restaurant, the first thing u should do when u get the menu is search for typos. almost every single chinese restaurant owner needs to discover something called spell check. but then again, i really dont mind the laugh...

12/20: wow... if u ever feel like getting a big headache, try playing a half-hour-long nonstop game of tetinet. it was sooo intense! actually, i could have beat sue a long time ago but i wanted to wait so i could use a 6 of my gravity blocks =). yes... believe it or not, tetrinet is back in my life for the third time hehe. and i still love it as much as i did in 9th grade. so anyways... winter break has been awesome so far. sunday we had a lil concert thingy with claymusic at another chruch... thats why i wasnt at ucc. sorry! =/. i promise i'll be there this week. sunday night - big tnet party with me sue eve jeff and stephanie. just like the old days... everyone frantically trying to stack blocks and attack each other, until eve wins like always. hehe... monday - went to life plaza with sue! (by the way, the christmas tree at life is GREEN not PURPLE! haha) and we went to cue =). finally we get to see each others fobby side. hehe... went to brea mall cuz she had to fix her ipod but the line was too long so we jus chilled there for a while. today - christmas shopping, part 1. actually went pretty well considering how bad i am at finding presents. thats basically wut i did all day, until the tetrinet game hehe. and that was really really tiring. but it was fun =). so yea... jus updating about how break's been so far. hope u guys are all having a great break too. and if ur gonna do anythign fun dun forget to invite me =)!

12/16: i'm home! the past two days were simply incredible... its like zero week all over again, except instead of getting ready for classes to start, i'm getting ready for winter break =). wednesday - practiced piano in the morning, came back for lunch, then went to westwood w/ bridget to pick up some calendar thingy she ordered. turns out it wasnt ready yet, so we went to get smoothies, then i went to practice more piano, then later we went to westwood again when the calendar was ready. piano recital at night was actualyl realyl really casual. so i guess its ok that i messed up a little bit hehe. got to meet some more music major friends... walked back to the dorms with jennifer john and jeewon (who i happened to run into on the way)... went to gym w/ anny n tammy for an hour... i jus sat on the bike and read a book hehe. went to bruin cafe for smoothie =). we got like 029348039840923 smoothies... i think the security guy at hedrick probably remembers me as the guy that always returns with a crate full of drinks multiple times a night hehe. at midnight jenny and sumin were having a ramen party so i went to join. we ended up going to the music room... we took apart the piano cuz some einstein switched the pedals around. and i thought i was the only one that would actually bother fixing practice room pianos hehe. so we jammed til like... 3AM. *yAwN* i left cuz i was way too tired. it was soo weird going to sleep with nobody else in the room (richard already left)... i was soo not used to it. and i only slept like 4 hours cuz i told anny n tammy i would breakfast with them @ 8. so i got up to eat then went back to sleep til like 11. went to get myself a smoothie... i love finals week cuz everyone goes to bruin cafe, so in a few minutes i ran into like a zillion people i knew. sumin jenny & her church gang came down too... and anny came up after her final... and we all lunched @ covel. then we all got more smoothies. hehe... (dun worry, by that point i could count how many swipes i had left with one hand). didnt have much to do in the afternoon so i went to beverly hills again. Two Rodeo is so pretty with all the christmas decorations! and of course, i took a zillion car pictures. some foo drove a db9 volante around the block a few times and couldnt find parking, so he jus parked at the red zone and left the car there with the top down. not that im complaining.. cuz i happened to be right there with my camera hehe. and i did a LOT of horse chasing (ya know... those italian V8 ones...) ended up getting back to hedrick at like 5:45. i was SO TIRED. but its ok... i still had dinner to look forward to =). enjoyed my last dinner with the 2N gang... played scattegories with victoria christine and niki... then went to bruin cafe for the last time. i had NO SWIPES LEFT. isnt that amazing? hehe... christine came to chill in my room for the rest of the night... the whole floor was so freakin quiet. its soo sad.. cuz everytime someone came in to visit i had to tell them i was leaving soon and had to say bye. sumin came by too and we played with fruityloops =). i think i just found her a new hobby hehe. then at 10:30ish the call came for me to leave. ernest came to pick up me n steph and we barely got our stuff to fit in his car. thanks christine n avani for helping me carry everything down. its like the only time i ever take the elevator, and we got STUCK. wut da heck... haha owellz at least it was only for a few minutes. so yea... then all of the sudden i was on my way home after two weeks. such a weird feeling... but at least i got to sleep in this morning =). thats definitely something i miss. and when i say sleep in i mean like 11AM. hehe... iono why but by 11 i always wake up naturally. i guess thats a good thing. anyways, theres so much stuff to unpack and clean and everything, so i better get to work. byebye!

12/13: soo its been over a week since i posted... apparnetly something went wrong with my FTP... turns out its something weird with the firewall that suddenly stopped allowing me to log in. and i really didnt have time to figure out technical stuff during finals week... but even though i couldnt post my entries, i still wrote them anyways, so now its finally time to post them! here we go...

(12/5) there was some split opinion regarding where to eat dinner... tammy wanted rieber, jeff wanted hedrick. i could care less, since i had to go to 449 and all the dining halls are basically on the way. so i interrupted their argument with 'ok, we're going to de neve.' so we went. hehe that was easy =). after worship practice i went to bruin cafe with tammy n jeff... picked up pizza @ rieber and chilled @ ran and andrew's room. we were listening to backstreet boys. and ran was singing along. how awesome is that =).

(12/6) took my first final - keyboarding. so we all picked numbers to see who would go first, but everyone tends to start switching numbers with each other, so somehow i end up with #1. great... not that i mind, except i could really use a little time to warm up. but owellz... a couple little mistakes wont kill. and i had two hours of free time, which i spent getting an ice blend (its week 10... time to use up all those swipes =) ) and chillin at the east gate. after catalyst, sue and michelle taped my mouth shut with their nametags =/. we walked to the dorms and the whole time i couldnt talk until we were almost at deneve. they're so mean =/. hehe... went to bruin cafe w/ victoria niki n tayeba... got another smoothie for myself =).

(12/7) last day of theory 120A... pretty much a review day, and lefko forgot to give out the evals. hehe... spent the afternoon essaying (history essay due tomorrow, linguistics due friday), and i actually finished early enough to have time to party at night =). so the hedrick iv community had a christmas party @ ruth's apartment... lotsa people from our floor went. it was soo fun! the little edible bible stories are sooo awesome!

(12/8): if u thought my 8-hour-nonstop-classes schedule is intense, try adding a piano lesson an hour after my last class (pretty much meaning theres not enough time to go back to eat, so i starve until like 7PM.) this was my single most intense (and hungry) schoolday this quarter. so of course, i headed straight for bruin cafe after my lesson, since i figured everyone on the floor already ate. ran into diana n julia there, so i actually didnt have to walk to hedrick alone =). diana had to get something from her brother... at rieber vista! so i got to go inside there for the first time. gosh.. its SO NICE! like a luxury hotel. and the talking elevators! now i know where all our housing money goes hehe. made another bruin cafe trip with a bunch of people on the floor... got drinks and lotsa fries, then had food/study party in my room all night.

(12/9): it didnt really hit me that today is the last day of class until afterwards when i was sitting in front of reiber with anny. we were gonna eat @ noon but decided to wait til 1 for bridget and anny's co worker... so we just sat there and waited for like 45 minutes. hehe... so since classes are over, i figured it was time to celebrate, and what better place to celebrate than the Golden Triangle? so yea... beverly hills trip #4. i hafta say its one of the most successful trips so far. got some really really nice shots. they'll be on the ecpg when i have time to post them. ohh and i decdied to take my scooter with me this time. saves me soooo much time, and it actualyl helped me chase targets much more easily. so next time i go, i think my scooter will accompany me again =). i made it back at like 5:20 for dinner with my floormates who were kind enough to wait for me even though i said i would be back at 5. (i kinda lost track of time shooting pictures, but thanx to the scooter i made it back in about 20 minutes). went to rehearsal after dinner for tomorrow's holiday concert. royce hall is soooo nice!! i cant believe i get to perform in there.. such an honor =). afterwards i walked with michael priscilla n yejee... thanx yejee for the ride to hedrick =). one minute later i was on my way down to bruin cafe with tammy. haha... such randomness. but then thats wut the end of the quarter is all about hehe. got a smoothie and came back to my room. one minute later i was on my way down the hill once again, this time to deneve! i went to visit sue and eve =). we played mario party with their floormates... it was so fun!!! amazing how little stupid games can be so amusing. we have to play again sometime!

(12/10): sad sad morning... woke up to realize that bruin cafe doesnt open on saturdays. thats wut i get for never staying on teh weekends hehe. so yea... nowhere to use my swipes until i went to eat brunch. then went to the intense 3-hour rehearsal for the concert. the songs sound soo nice with the wind ensemble. i was soo tired sitting there for 3 hours, but also so sad that its the last day we were gonna sing those songs. after dinner it was time for the big concert. took me forever to figure out how to wear a new tux hehe. luckily nothing embarassing happened, and i made it to royce hall about two minutes (literally) before the call time. 8:00PM, the concert started. so we had some pretty bad screwups... but overall it was awesome. thanks mom grandma carol ivy anny bridget and minh for coming. hope u guys liked it =). after the concert - walked back with anny bridget n minh, went to change out of the tux, then went to puzzles. finally, after a long day, i can get smoothies =). i was in a really swipy mood so i got a smoothie AND chesse fries. i went to puzzles again @ midnight with jeff to get another smoothie. it took over an HOUR. pretty ridiculous... and i didnt even get to drink it, cuz im saving it for breakfast the next morning.

(12/11): original plan - wake up at 7:45AM, drink my smoothie and eat in my room, be downstairs at 8:30 ready to go to church with jenny n sally. reality - i woke up naturally, looked at the clock and saw '15', and went back to sleep since the alamr didnt go off yet. woke up half an hour later to the sound of knocking. jenny- "are you ready to go to church?" me- "um... its only 7:40". jenny- "no... its 8:40". me- *GASPP* *runs to bathroom and gets ready in 2 minutes* (sometimes im thankful that im a guy =) ). so ive been looking forward to this day for a long time, and i end up making everyone late to chruch. im soo sorry =/. ohh and by the way the problem was that my alarm was set to 7:45PM, not AM!!! stupid stupid me. church was lotsa fun... went to prayer meeting, sunday school, service... sally did a great job leading worship =). one of their pastors got a new ricer eclipse convertible and i got to ride in it. jenny drove it around for a while and stalled it =). hahaha ohh after church we all decorated christmas ornaments. that was soo fun! got back to ucla at like 3ish... started STUDYING. yes, its finals week... time to start cramming. dinnered with floor... at night sue came to visit me! it always makes my day when someone comes all the way to hedrick to see me. hehe... made another smoothie run at night. thats wut i love about finals week.. smoothies every night! hehe...

(12/12): ok, so im glad the alarm incident happened yesterday and not today, cuz my final was at 8 in the morning and i would be pretty screwed if i missed it. so i woke up at 6:30 (!!) to get ready and eat breakfast (i cant function without food in the morning), then got an iceblend (to keep me alive during the test), then went to take the final (music theory). so as with most theory tests, after a little studying i decide to close my book and just go wing it. todays test was um... intense. did anyone even finish it!? i was pretty close, but those 3 hours were definitely not enough. its ok, i still pulled off a strong A (the grades are already up! thats insanely fast...). who got the 199/200!?!? too smart =/. hehe... gosh! so the rest of the day was the single most intense period of studying i ever did this year. two finals tomorrow, linguistics and music history. luckily i ran into natQ during breakfast and we exchanged phone #s so we could study together. and she came up to hedrick too. that saved my life =). it alwasy motivates me when theres people in my room studying wiht me. so yea... my only breaks were smoothie runs (two of them) and dinner. ohh and food for finals. me tammy n lisa decided to go down there early to get in line. and we were the first people. haha... it was hilarious. free food is just that attractive hehe. then more studying at night... another smoothie run... kat came over to go over the music history notes. then i went to sleep. ok, picture time. this is my food collection =). if u want something, feel free to drop by hehe.

12/08: i saw it... for the first time in my life... a moment too good to believe... an experience many people can only dream of... its so exotic that Motor Trend had to borrow an owner's car to do a test drive... its so expensive that the article included a photo of the owner's invoice... i saw it with my very own eyes... in its shining red glory... one of 400 built... originally sold for over $643,000... currently worth over ONE MILLION DOLLARS. ladies and gentlemen, one of the most incredible cars ever built - the FERRARI ENZO.

12/06: remember when i said i had the worst possible finals schedule ever? heres wut its supposed to look like.... four finals, monday 8AM, tuesday 8AM, wendesday 8AM, and friday 3PM (the last time slot). i'd much rather have them all bunched up together just to stress once and get it all over with. and having a friday afternoon final means i have to cancel teaching (for two weeks in a row, since i'm not going home this weekend already), and wont have a ride home until late at night. and plus i'll be like the only human being left in Hedrick when i get back from my last final. sucks huh?

fast forward to today... right now i have one of the BEST finals schedules possible. how? first, my wednesday morning final (conducting) isnt gonna happen at all, since professor lee thinks theres no need to give an exam for that class. (how cool is that? all u south campus majors better feel jealous =) ). the friday final (music history) caused trouble for a lot of people, especially those who have to catch a flight that day, so some people asked to take it early. so i decided that since professor upton is already gonna make a second version of the final for people taking it early, i might as well take it too. so she extended the offer to the whole class... now i'm one of 18 people taking it on tuesday afternoon, which means i'll be done with finals on TUESDAY. how awesome is that!? but no worries... i'll be sticking around until thursday night, so i can make fun of everyone else. hehe j/k i wont do that... but yea... im soo happy right now =). ok, i'll shut up now.

12/04: short SNU... its been an amazing weekend. yesterday i went to do tutoring/teaching stuff and noticed something unusual behind an SUV at the Arco gas station on fairway (next to the freeway). having just failed to shoot a beautiful orange Elise i passed a few minutes ago, i decided to make a u-turn, and arrived at the station just in time to shoot a brand new black Viper SRT-10 before it pulled away. fast forward a day - went to life plaza with kelley & gang after church.. took a bunch of cue pictures =), got some food at life, and i can swear i felt there was something funny in the air. many people have told me that sometimes there were exotics hiding behind the main building, so on my way out of the plaza i swung around the back parking area to take a look. nothing special. just before i turned out to the street, two guys were walking so i stopped to let them pass. thank God i did, cuz only then did i notice something very peculiar waiting at the red light to enter the plaza. so i pulled over, took out my camera and experienced the amazing bliss of letting a Lamborghin Diablo 6.0 drive right next to me. see for urself -

12/03: got a package in the mail this week... from England =). yupyup... my new Deliriou5 CDs are here! if u ordered them from me, i'll bring them to you the next time i see u. and if u havent paid me back yet please dont forget, cuz i feel really bad asking people to give me money.

12/02: believe it or not, its december... whats so special about december? first of all, zillions of people that were stressing over UC apps can finally relax! next time u think u dun have enough essays to write, try editing nine personal statements in one night until 2:30AM. i'll admit i was pretty stressed on monday night, but at the same time i really enjoyed it - i got to know some of my friends a lot better, while helping them with college stuff. hardcore essay editing is an experience of its own, and it only happens once a year, kinda like Christmas =). now that everything is done, all i can say is GOOD LUCK! just remember not to stress about college anymore, cuz theres nothing u can do except keep up ur grades and pray for the best. i'll definitely be praying for you guys =).

wut else is special about december? its almost Christmas! last year's secret santa gang reunited once again, this time in yune kitty and ky's apartment. thanx kitty for the cologne =). im sure i'll put it to good use someday hehe... ohh and we took lotsa pictures, and this year they're all on my camera, which means its gonna take less than half a year (*ahem*hehe) for me to post them online =).

december means the quarter is coming to an end. for some people it means hardcore studying and cramming. for the music majors it means lots of concerts, at least for the performance people. everyone else can sit back and enjoy =). and im soo glad there are people on my floor who are equally as enthusiastic about concerts as i am, which means i dont have to walk down to schoenberg by myself. wednesday night was the symphony orchestra concert, featuring hedrick 2 north's jenny wang! me dean sumin and anny all went.... as expected half the audience was taking notes... stupid music 15 haha. the condcutor/pianist guy was insane!!! i wish i can play like him. ran into emily there too... so i didnt hafta worry about being late to secret santa, cuz if the concert ended late then we would both be late hehe. luckily it didnt =). thursday night (last night) was the chamber music concert which i also went to, along with sumin and jenny. sumin seems to have trouble enjoying the music without good visual accompaniment... hehe... after the concert we went downstairs to the practice rooms and played around for... an HOUR. its so hard to find people who would enjoy sitting in front of the piano for an hour playing the randomest things, and still wish for more time (cuz it was getting really late). it was soooo fun... we HAVE TO go again sometime =).

now you see why i love my floormates so much? what can possibly make the dorming experience better? how about multi-fellowship prayer meetings? yupyup... we've decided to gather all the christians on the floor every monday night for a short prayer meeting. it was hard for me to get my mind off all those personal statements and pray for 15 minutes... but im so amazed that something like this can actually happen. lets try our best to keep it up and make it happen every week =). can things get any better on 2 north? how about a random hour-long praise night? i left my room to get some water and heard worship music coming from down the hall... liz and bridget were having soo much fun singing and playing guitar... so i went and sat down. and they decided to have me join with the keyboard, so we all migrated over to my room. fast forward 10 minutes, and we have like bunch of people sitting around the room worshipping and having fun making music. how awesome is that!? =)

other highlights of the week - tuesday: breakfast with grace & her church gang... i was eating by myself when she saw me and rescued me =). wednesday: seeing my theory homeowkr grade (95). that homework was soooo intense... i had no freakin idea what was going on. so lefko decided to use my homework when he was doing examples on the board and i was SO SCARED cuz i knew i did soo bad. he usually only picks out individual homework answers when they're either really good or really bad. i got soooo lucky this time =). thursday - i fell asleep in choir. how is that possible!?!? and its such a fun class... i guess after 6 hours of class its normal to feel pretty exhausted. and the saddest thing? i fell asleep STANDING UP. in the middle of the song! and i was still singing too... then i suddenly caught myself before falling forward. gosh... am i THAT behind on sleep? its ok... i took two naps today... one on ernests car on the way home and one right after i got home until i went to teach. me ernest n steph had lunch @ covel... there were not enough lockers there so everyone was waiting for people to finish eating and come out to unlock their stuff. so me and this random guy both followed someone to her locker, and right when she closed the door i snatched the key before the other guy got it. then afterwards steph told me that guy actually asked the girl for the key already and i totally jacked it from him. gosh... i feel soo bad =/.

waitaminit... wasnt this entry supposed to be about december? ok so um... its almost christmas... and what can possibly bring u the christmas spirit better than a concert of christmas music performed by the ucla chorus, chorale, and wind ensemble? (yes im only advertising for it cuz i'm in it hehe). its next saturday (12/10) night at Royce Hall... student tickets are $10. thats REALLY cheap compared to tomorrow's messiah concert hehe. so if ur gonna be around campus next weekend, come to the concert or i'll be really sad!

so yea... believe it or not, i'm actually gonna be on campus for a weekend. kinda sucks that its gotta be the weekend before finals, which means everyone will be busy being nerds. but if anyone wants to hang out, i'm definitely up for it. otherwise i'll end up spending a lot of time alone in beverly hills hehe. i was walking with sally after class today and found out shes in charge of rides to go to her church. guess i found myself a place to be on sunday morning =). other than that and my concert/rehearsal times, feel free to come bug me and keep me company anytime, cuz i really really need it! seriou5ly... weekends are sooo lonely adn sad, especialyl when everyone is studying. lets hope i'll find some good ways to entertain myself (and study too of course hehe)

ok i know i know this entry is getting ridiculously long. but theres one last thing i need to say before i shut up. all the concerts, prayer meetings, secret santa, etc, all happened at night... so what did i do during the day? take a look and see for yourself...

11/27: forgot to mention on the last entry - next time u think ur good at music, try playing piano with a very hyper ANT running around the keys. thats wut happened to me during the concert. that stupid ant... it was insane enough for me to make sure im hitting all the right notes, and i hafta worry about not squishing the ant cuz it would be stuck on my finger and get all over the keyboard. so everytime i hit a key with teh ant on it it goes *boing!* and flies off to another key. and then i hafta be careful to avoid that one too. gosh... its amazing how much trouble such a small thing can cause.

anyways... about the second half of thanksgiving break - went to ling's big dinner event @ TGI friday's last night. and i mean BIG... we had like 30 people. gosh shes so popular hehe. saw kenneth again... i totally forgot he knew ling too. so we had like 394234 differnet groups of people all mingled into one LONG table. that was fun... and everybody ordered appetizers just cuz of happy hour. soo cheap haha. so after dinner some people went karaokeing (how do u spell that word? =/ ), some went to ten rens, and the rest (the ones who didnt wanna spend anymore money) went to chill @ ling's house. so at the end it was me ling madelyn fred n terry. i got to meet stephanie too... she came later n we jus talked about a lot of random stuff. she kept saying i looked familiar. only connection we could figure out was that her friend went to the same middle school as me. who knows, maybe one day it will all make sense. hehe...

today - lunched w/ ken after church @ Q noodle house. kinda funny how we both felt like going to the same place to eat at the same time. i guess its cuz we both wanted cheap, fast, and asian. and thats like the best place that fits all three of those things. steph lin called ken n he handed the phone over to me and it took her the longest time to realize i wasnt ken. do we really sound that much alike? haha... then i went home to do theory homework. gosh this week's homework is iNTENSE. i never completely figured it out, especially the last analysis problem. maybe lefko will make everyone redo this one too? hehe... then again i wont mind letting this be my lowest homework score cuz it will get dropped hehe. we'll see...

so anyways... im back at school after an awesome weekend. its great to see all my floormates again... i cant believe theres only two weeks of classes left for this quarter. its passing by waaay too fast. and i have three essays to write. but two weeks is plenty of time to do that so im not worried =). which reminds me... personal statements!! again if u need help dun hesitate to ask... im more than happy to proofread and edit for u. i know theres only a few days left before its due, but dun worry its plenty of time so dun give up, cuz these essays can make such a big difference. ok, i think im done babbling now. its midnight... time to get ready to sleep. goodnight!

11/25: this is gonna be one of those REALLY RANDOM entries. first - HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! hope u guys all have a great holiday and dinner whether ur eating turkey or duck (*ahem* haha) or wutever else there is...

Need for Speed Most Wanted - such an awesome game... thanks ben for hooking me up. guess its time for me to get into one of my gaming phases again... well kinda. dun worry im not gonna let this game take over my life. and with so many visitors in my room every day theres no way i'll be sitting there racing all day. but yea... its one insane game. crazy graphics, crazy features... this definitely combines the best of the need for speed series into one big game (its like 4 CDs!).

ClayMusic Thanksgiving concert - i was such an idiot... after i got there to soundcheck i realized forgot to bring my keyboard's power cable. thanx to carol & uncle michael i was able to get it before the concert started. overall everything went pretty well. very very enthusiastic audience hehe. and of course, great food afterwards at banana bay =). i just got back not long ago (its like 1AM right now) and im sooo full. but its ok its all worth it =)

summary of the short schoolweek - monday i had my piano lesson and came back for lunch (cuz theres no conducting class). and u kno wuts soo sad? i had nobody to eat with! =/. special thanks to Sue for saving my life by volunteering to eat with me just as i gave up and decided to go by myself. tuesday- its amazing how the one day of the week when i dun get to eat anything since breakfast, i end up with so much food on my desk i cant even finish it. for dinner i ended up getting a bruin cafe sandwich, sun chips, lemonade, cheese fries, soda, curly fries, AND a bagel. *siGh* my floormates are way too nice to me. i love u guys soo much! =). which reminds me... i actually brought my flowers home for the long weekend. they're very happy now cuz they actually get sunlight every morning. anyways, back to the schoolweek. wednesday - breakfast in the morning, went to campus to turn in homework, then chilled at the West Gate the whole morning. nothing too exciting for the most part, until the very end - literally seconds before i turned around to head back to my room. as usual, i save the best til last, so scroll down if u wanna see what i saw =).

once again, i'm such an idiot. i decided to bring my big keyboard monitor back home without realizing i dont even need it cuz i have another one at home. and all that time i was stressing over stuff not fitting into my backpack. why am i so stupid...

ok i think i'm out of ideas for more randomness, so im gonna bring out the best stuff. wednesday while i was on my way back home from school, i saw a transporter driving the opposite direction carrying a.... classic aston martin! either db4 or db5... i didnt see too clearly. but either way, its the most expensive classic i've seen - its worth at least as much as a new ferrari. too bad i didnt get a picture of it. but no worries... i do have one picture to post. in fact, its one of the most amazing cars i've ever seen on the street. see for yourself...

11/21: to all of u high school seniors going insane over essays and college applications - just cuz i'm already at ucla it doesn't mean i dont care about you guys... in fact, my acceptance is so undeserved that every year i feel burdened to share what i know with those who need it. if u need any help on applications, have questions about college, or want me to edit/proofread your essays, please dont hesitate to ask. i totally enjoy helping u so dont think ur wasting my time or anything. one request - please dont send me ur essays the night before its due and expect me to magically improve it. im working on first come first serve basis, so please send me ur stuff early. on that note, good luck on all ur apps! =)

11/20: yupyup, its SNU time! rewinding a few days.. thursday my floor waited for me for dinner again =). actually there were like no people left on the floor cuz they all went to watch the harry potter midnight showing. ohh i actually had TWO dinners cuz i went to eat again with lisa (yung) afterwards. then i went to the undergrad composers recital. heard some pretty neat stuff... now that i have an idea wut kinda stuff people do, i need to start working on my own piece for next quarter! wish me luck =). so anyways, i spent the night sitting in my lonely room. the floor was SO QUIET. chris came in and we talked most of the night. ohh and dun worry, i really have nothing against harry potter... im just not interested. and besides, whats the rush to see it? by the time they finished watching it was 3 in the morning, and theres nobody awake to brag to. besides, they're not even the first ones to see it, cuz people in new york had already finished watching it three hours ago (eastern time =) ). and if ur in hong kong u can probably get it on DVD already hehe.

friday - surprisingly enough, there was still a huge group @ breakfast even though everybody went to sleep at like 3 or 4 after the movie. i slept at like 2 cuz i was talkin w/ sue and it was one of those convos thats just soo hard to end hehe. after breakfast i walked w/ annie to her work place then went to MATH CLASS. (no, its not my class). victoria totally though i was kidding when i said i would go. jenny was soo confused about why i was there. its not my fault everyone has class at 9 and i dun start until 10, so i need to kill an extra hour.

saturday - finally got to go to college cell again. thanx garland for checking up on me to see where i've been. dun worry, its just that i had stuff to do these past few weeks... but im still trying my best to commit to cell (that's why i only consider missing cell if given a very early notice). afterwards i spent some time at the hilltop on my way home. afterwards when i was walking to my car suddenly someone calls my name and i look up and see nicole (from chinese congregation)!! i dun think i've ever ran into someone i know at the hilltop at night. usually its always a bunch of gangsters smoking up there. i guess this time its different =).

today - we actually had a decent sized class @ sunday school today. thanx everyone for showing up =). went to shaw's house for lunch afterwards then came back to church for worship practice. we got boba =). i was just craving for one too. and actually i had two today, cuz i got another one at lollicup for dinner. since its buy one get one free i brought the extra one back to school and put up a "free boba" sign outside my room. a few minutes later avani came and claimed it =). something really amazing happened tonight - i learned to play the violin! well kinda... so jenny showed me this amazing thing called the tuning fork. its soooo cool!!! and i was playing around with her violin trying to figure out how it works. its soo confusing... but its fun =). hope i'll get to try again sometime =).

ok, it's like 1AM right now and i think i should go get some sleep. im soooo not ready for my piano lesson tomorrow. that ginastera 3rd movement is killing me. its so fun to play though... cant wait til i learn it. hopefully theres gonna be an open practice room tomorrow morning before my lesson. and hopefully i'll be awake enough to make good use of it. on that note, i'll shut up and go sleep. goodnight!

11/16: update from where i left off last time - went to claim jumper after church on sunday for ken's birthday party, part two. sat w/ kelley (she actually came to church! kinda... hehe) n talked about some pretty unexpected stuff.... thats a good thing though hehe. came back to school @ night and went to bruin cafe with tammy michelle n jeff. ran into sue there and i made an amazing discovery - she's eve's roommate! soo random... such a small world hehe. this week was pretty chill for the most part... no more midterms =). well i did have a history listening quiz. that was pretty easy though. i just studied outside moore before linguistics class. and michelle joined me too cuz she went to office hour but the TA wasnt there. thanx for keeping me awake =). it worked pretty well, at least until i went to class. i sat in the back row (literally) and studied/slept. but its ok cuz i still owned my quiz =). after that things were REALLY chill. from now on all i have to do is practice piano, until finals week. and my finals schedule SUCKS. i'm willing to bet money that it's worse than anyone else, at least at ucla. seriou5ly, its that bad. but owellz, i'll worry about that when the time comes.

today was an amazing day - i got to eat LUNCH!! professor lee decided to cancel conducting class for a week n a half (until after thanksgiving break), so my only class today was theory (at 1PM). lunched w/ christine victoria n her friends @ deneve. they had some new tea flavors, so i took like... all of it. hehe =). ohh and yes i still got up for breakfast today, which left me a LOT of free time in the morning. dont worry, i spent it well. scroll down and you'll see why.

soo i'm running on about 5 hours of sleep right now... that might be plenty for some of u, but it leaves me pretty lightheaded. and anny says i have a big head. big and light... i guess that makes me a balloon? i slept late cuz last night was like the mother of all parties in 216, which lasted til 2AM. there were like a bajillion people over, studying, chillin, chatting, and watching anime hehe. i found out rohit is also a big car freak.. we had soo much to talk about =). and christine was debating over whether or not to take an easy music theory class... i keep saying yes and victoria keeps saying no so she got so stressed out hehe. at one point we were all drinking tea and chatting, then jenny busts out her miles davis cd. wow, i never knew a dorm room could feel so much like a jazz club. (dun worry, no alcohol here hehe). david came by for a visit too. who would have guessed anyone in the right mind would come up to hedrick? actually, david's not the only one. today after class i went to get a soda on my way up to hedrick, and i was jus lookin around for familiar faces and i saw this one girl that i swear looks soo familiar n she saw me too but i didnt wanna jus stare at her so i kinda turned away, and then she told her friends 'i know that guy but i dun think he recognizes me' so then i felt really bad and said hi. turns out its elaine (from uci)!!! its sooo random that she would show up at ucla on a wednesday afternoon. but yea... she came to visit me @ hedrick too =). and so did kat... we got dinner @ hedrick. then i came back n went to smallgroup, and now i'm back in my room writing this thing.

so now its time to talk about this morning. since its such a rare opportunity to have an entire morning free, i decided to go chill @ the west gate (bel-air). that place never fails to surprise me. today was one of the best surprises ever. i'll begin with the pictures =)

11/12: just got back from ken's birthday party a while ago. his bday is actually tomorrow, but its past midnight now so HAPPY BDAY! =). the food was amazing, thanks to a very special and talented chef hehe. i got to see denise again for the first time in forever. except right when i called her to say i was gonna give her a ride to the party, she got sick. im such bad luck =/. ohh and i met sophia - another music major! how cool is that hehe. we spent a lot of time talking about music freak stuff hehe.. well, thats all i really have to say in this entry, except for one more thing... i was on my way home from tutoring (in Walnut) this morning, and as usual when i passed by Hing Wa Lee Plaza i took a peak in the parking lot. no phantom. no continental gt. but i did catch this baby...

11/11: theory midterm grades are online for those of u who want to see it. im very satisfied with wut i got... but im not gonna tell yet, at least not until monday when we get our midterms back. so yesterday kicked off a bit differently than usual. yes, my alarm clock has been relocated, and so i did NOT turn it off in the middle of the night by accident. breakfast gang yesterday was me michelle and avani, and we decided to go to... DENEVE! first time this year NOT eating breakfast @ rieber... i definitely like the diversity, especially since each dining hall has different tea bags, all of which i need to keep a constant supply of at all times =). ohh and to make things better, the moment we stepped out of hedrick guess wut was the first thing i saw - a 360 modena!! cruising through UCLA int he morning... if i was by myself, i would run after it hehe. not like i coudl catch it anyways (not enough red lights). ohh and by the way, yesterday night on the way to noodle planet i saw a detomaso =). ok im still really hyper over my midterm score, so i change my mind - i'll tell you what it is, but not until the end of this entry =). back to yesterday - floormates waited for me to go to dinner! *feels soo special* hehe... we ate for like an hour cuz people kept coming in and i kept inviting them to join us hehe. me n jenny went to the ucla philharmonia concert at night... i found out for the first time that music majors get into these concerts for free =). ran into david on the way there, then ran into kitty too. gosh, i didnt know it was such a big event. of course, half the people in the audience are people taking music 15 that need to do concert reports. haha... but still, great concert. the prokofiev piece was soo intense. me n jenny could not get it out of our heads on the way back to hedrick. after that ernest came to pick up me n steph... i got home at like midnight. this morning i got to sleep til 10AM for the first time in um... since school started. seriou5ly... i didnt realize how great it feels until now. but dun worry, i'm still getting up for breakfast at school everyday =). its so great to have a long weekend at home... only downside is that my poor flowers are gonna spend 3 days without water =/. god please help it live... i wonder what my floor looks like right now. really quiet... most people are home... everyone left is from norcal... hecka crazy. hehe...

by the way, i apologize for the ridiculous delay for posting pictures online. i have about 150 pics (summer cue pics, palos verdes, luau, east coast tour, fallcon, and random school pics) almost ready to post, and im trying my best to get them up asap. now that midterms are over, i hope to have them all up next week. in fact, im gonna start working on them right now.

oh, and before i shut up... ONE HUNDRED AND ONE PERCENT BABY!!

11/09: cant believe this week is already halfway over. wanna know something amazing? i have NO MORE MIDTERMS. gosh i love north campus =). the only problem is that im still working on my history essay which is about halfway done and is due tomorrow =/. i have no clue what to write about... apparently the entire music library only has one book on Perotinus. and i was sooo excited when i found it and i sat down to start reading and guess what... its in GERMAN. isnt researching so fun? i guess im jus gonna settle with looking for info online and BSing my paper. then again, thats wut i did on the last paper, and i aced it =). hope i'm just as lucky this time.

(half an hour later) so um... i'm kinda bouncing back and forth between writing my essay and doing random stuff - talking to people in my room, writing this entry, etc.. i finally hit the one-page mark (two pages doublespaced =) ), so it shouldnt be too hard to finish up. so um... about this week so far - sunday - theory party w/ kat (for homework due monday). some of the problems were pretty insane... hope i did alright. monday - worship practice was amazing... we actually decided to be efficient this time and i made it back to the dorms before 9!! and it just happens to be the week i'm desperate for time to study. how perfect =). went to dykstra for linguistics party with keo. actually i ended up talking with keo and jennifer (her roommate) for pretty much the whole night. but we got enough studying done to make me feel pretty confident. tuesday - midterm actualyl went pretty well. i was soo tired though... almost fell asleep on choir. thats really really sad since its such a fun class. i left catalyst right when it ended to start working on my essay. and studying for theory... kinda... i was much more worried about the essay. but its ok, i got about a third of my essay done and studied a little for theory too. today - theory party w/ kat in the morning. then went to conducting class, then more studying, then midterm time. it actually wasnt too hard =). here's a little secret for those of u who didnt notice... the first harmonic analysis problem (the bach chorale) is actually a solution for almost all of the problem before it (the 3rd chord progression... with bII - vii/V - V). that helped me save a lot of time =). and melissa prepared krispy kreme for the whole class. that kept me awake and happy. halfway through the test i was kinda starting to lose concentration when yejee decides to be brave and tell dwayne he played the wrong notes on the piano, only to hear him reply with "check your clefs..." that woke up the whole class =). so yea... now that its done, i only have my essay to worry about. but for now, its time for dinner - at noodle planet!! yummy shrimp fried rice =).

(a few hours later): didnt have time to post this entry yet so im gonna add on to it hehe. dinner was soo great. essay is pretty great too, since im just about finished writing. now i hafta figure out how to do footnotes and come up with a good bibliography, since i have a lot of random sources. but hey, at least they're in english. stupid library book... hehe ok time to get back to work. i'll probably write again later tonight hehe

(midnight): im all done!!! essay is finished, no more midterms, even though i have 8 hours of class tomorrow im totally looking forward to it. couple random things to close this entry - those of u wondering why i wasnt at the secret santa meeting tonight... dun worry, i'm still up for it. as u can see ive been insanely busy so i couldnt make it to the meeting, but i'm definitely still part of it =). ucla philharmonia concert tomorrow night - yes i've decided to go! =). apparently i know a LOT of people in it... sally says if i dont go then she wont be my crossword puzzle friend anymore =/. then i found out jenny is going too so i'll actually have someone to sit with. ohh and i was just a covel printing out my essay and ran into jenny when she finished her smallgroup... and guess who's leading it - sarah (lee) from troy! wow what a small world. hehe... ok last thing before i shut up - my alarm clock is officially being relocated to somewhere i cannot reach without getting out of bed. i slept in AGAIN this morning... exactly the same thing as friday - didnt even hear the alarm go off, and it wasnt set when i woke up. this has to stop happening.... ok so yea, thats about it for now. time to go shower and get ready to sleep. goodnight!

11/06: got to play for both chinese worship team and garland's team today =). so i guess i didnt miss out on much hehe. lunched @ banana bay with ken n albert afterwards... went home, did homework, packed, and came back to school. so i guess this is a mini SNU. hehe... so anyways, its time for me to get ready for PARTY WEEK! yupyup... theory homework party tonight, linguistics party tomorrow, theory party tuesday, history essay party wednesday. in other words, theory homework due tomorrow, ling midterm tuesday, theory midterm wednesday, and essay due thursday. parties are never fun when i'm alone, so if anyone wants to join me ur definitely invited. and even if u dun wanna join, wish me luck! =)

11/05: i love my life. seriou5ly... just came back from chinese worship practice, where i had my first BOBA in over THREE WEEKS. ohh and im getting one tomorrow night too =). and u kno wuts even more awesome? jean's gonna hook me up with a guest pass to the 2006 NAMM show. admission is usually for members only and its over a hundred bucks. uncle samuel and josh and choe n them are all going... now i can go too =). its gonna be soo fun! i think i'll be sitting in front of the Oasis all day. hehe... but then again, its so big that it might take more than a day to see everything. owellz... time to go sleep, cuz i hafta be at church at 7:30 tomorrow for worship. *yAwN*... i jus stalling right now so the caffiene (from the boba) will lose its effect... but even if i cant sleep well its all worth it. my first boba in 3 weeks!!! *soo happy n hyper* ok i'll shut up now byebye!!

11/04: time to update on this whole week right now instead of waiting til sunday night =). monday- lefkowitz went to class dressed up as a doctor! im sure he fits in soo well at the music building hehe... special thanx to chris, i discovered the secret shortcut to hedrick! it makes like sooo much easier... if u dun know it yet ask me and i'll tell u where it is =).

tuesday- once again a long long day of class, including theory section midterm. i got into a little debate with dwayne about a diminished chord... its the second chord on the dictation (for those of u who are in that class). dwayne says its better to keep the diminished chord and turn the next chord into a vi, but i think its better to change the dim chord to a dominant. why? having the diminished chord inevitably results in an unresolved tri-tone. dwayne says its ok cuz he resolves it in another voice. but i though we're not supposed to double tendency tones in the first place? so yea.. .cant believe i'm debating with my teacher, but isnt it so clear that i'm right? =). and its not like that extra point is gonna make a difference anyways hehe... catalyst was awesome that night... the "praise night" was great. special thanx to annie n bridget for bringing me dinner =). afterwards i went to chill w/ mike david jen n julie @ puzzles. i found out me julie n mike have something in common - we're all crazy over the Korg Oasis!!! seriou5ly... 8000 freakin bucks for a keyboard. how insane is that?? but i want one =). if one day i win the lottery...

wednesday - i got to conduct again... those etude thingys are insane!! i suck =/. prolly cuz i get nervous too easily. but hopefully this class will help me improve. went to Gushi for dinner at night... soo good!! teriyaki chicken & rice for 6 bucks =). plus a little midnight snack (jenny's leftover rice hehe)... ohh how i love genuine asian food =)

thursday - i finished they keyboard midterm really early so i treated myself to some good entertainment in the next hour (before choir). more details on that at the end of this entry... at night we had a really amazing GIG =). afterwards i was in my room debating over whether or not i should get a head start on my homework for next week when lisa came n said she was gonna study with me. how awesome is that... i get soo motivated to study when there's people studying in my room (there usually is hehe). so i finished a third of next week's theory homework already. there were soo many people in our room its not even funny... felt like a party hehe. nothing wrong with that though... thats why its great to be the first room in the hallway =).

friday (today) - ur not gonna believe this... I WOKE UP LATE THIS MORNING. whats wrong with me!?!? or i should say, what's wrong with my alarm clock? i know for sure that i set it last night... unless i had a dream that my alarm went off and i turned it off in the middle of the night? who knows... anyways it was 8:10 when i woke up and realized everyone was already at breakfast. so i literally ran down to rieber. i've never been so awake for breakfast before... but for those awesome bagel burgers (fridays only) how could i miss it? hehe... went to teach in the afternoon as usual, came home, ate dinner, n called melody to say happy birthday. we ended up talking for a long long time. gosh i LOVE long phone conversations =). too bad not many people call me. owellz hehe...

so yea, that was my week, except for one thing. u can probably guess already. but still, i'll let the pictures tell the story. first pic is from this morning...

11/02: Four years ago, something happened to me that turned my life upside down. As a result, I began a journal on my website, which was at the time just a simple Geocities page. After things went back to normal, the journal lived on, and it began what would later become an essential part of my identity. I learned to write about every aspect of my life, from hanging out with friends to deep reflective thoughts, because an identity consists of a complete array of human emotions. I eventually made a rule to govern my writing - once an entry is posted, it doesn't change again, except for correcting spelling errors or removing offensive comments (which fortunately never happened). Every entry ever written is still there, unaltered since the day it was posted. In doing this I have created something that very few people of this generation have - an authentic and complete account of the last four years of my life, told through both words and pictures.

Something this precious deserves a home big enough to let it reach its full potential. Like a hermit crab, it outgrows its shell and finds a larger one, and it does so only when necessary. That's why I was willing to purchase the calvinchang.net domain last year to replace my old Geocities site. To me, this journal reflects my identity, and it would be wrong to constantly move from place to place, leaving the past behind and starting over time after time. People do it often with their Xanga and MySpace accounts, and just like this site reflects my life, the words of a fickle journalist are a window to his/her own instability. That answers the question of why I don't use any of the convenient and popular free online journal servers. When you go to the store and see a journal you really like, you don't just abandon your old diary and start over; instead you finish the one you've already started, then move on to the new one. That way your life won't be just a bunch of incomplete stories. I see my life as "a huge collection of stories (some long and others short) woven together, some which have already ended, and others which are yet to begin" (08/23/04 entry). Every story in my life is written by God and brought to reality through my responses to His instructions. Sometimes we all experience stories that we wish we were never part of. But through these past years I've grown to understand that what I think is the end of a story may not be the ending that its author intended. In fact, every story, long and short, will eventually come to a satisfying ending, because God makes all things happen for a reason. It's just a matter of where you draw the start and finish lines. With this journal I can look back and see the many ways I've changed, and conclude that life is indeed a miracle. Everything I have done, both good and bad, ultimately happens for a good cause. I feel so inspired each time someone tells me they've been blessed by something I wrote. If my own bad experiences are able to prevent others from making the same mistakes, then I feel like my sufferings become worthwhile. That's why my life is one with very few secrets (with the exception of personal things that would do no good if made public). This journal has become a place for people to find inspiration, as well as for me to learn to love life more and more each day. And I wish that it can continue to grow with time, building a testimony of all the incredible stories God will write for my life.