10/30: I've finally figured out my weekend schedule for the rest of the year, or at least most of it. Yea, I know that's crazy, but the only way I can squeeze in everything I want to do is to plan super early. So that's exactly what I did-

Fishing Trip - Tomorrow night! What a great way to celebrate Halloween. Who knows, maybe we'll use candy as bait and see if any fish come Trick-or-Treating. If someone wants to make me a costume, I'm more than happy to dress up =).

UCLA Visit #8 - 11/7-11/8 (Fri-Sat of week 6) or 11/14-11/15 (Fri-Sat of week 7). I'm leaning toward week 6, but if anyone has a preference and lets me know, then either weekend will work. The only bad thing is that this will probably be the last time I visit UCLA this quarter - Because Thanksgiving weekend and Finals week are all clumped up so closely, there's really no good time for me to visit during the last several weeks of school. Of course, if someone needs a study break and wants me to swing by for a day, I wouldn't mind doing so. But as far as I can see, this trip will be my last until 2009.

ClayMusic Concert @ GCCI (Hacienda Heights) - 11/22 (Saturday). This will be the first live band concert featuring songs from the new album, "Right Here". The concerts at our own church always turn out well, since we're already familiar with the stage and the sound system. For those who don't know, ClayMusic is a Chinese Christian music group that has been recording and performing for about four years. The concert is a great chance to invite friends and enjoy a night of music.

Los Angeles Auto Show - 11/29 (Saturday). Yes, the show is open during Thanksgiving weekend. And yes, I'm purposely choosing to go on one of the busiest days. For the sake of protecting the sanity of my friends, I'm being extremely selective when it comes to who to invite. Just like the past couple years, the afternoon will consist of not only the show itself, but an hour or two before/after the show shooting pictures in the parking lots. It's extremely tiring, but to me it's worth it, and Rushi thinks so too (that's why he's probably coming with me =) ).

GCCI Coffeehouse - 12/13 (Saturday). Yep, the long-awaited Christmas coffeehouse! After the Taiwan mission trip, I'm starting to understand Marcus' vision for Dream & Imagine a lot more, and it makes me even more excited about events like this coffeehouse. If all goes as planned, Rod should be coming to play that night (which means I'll be playing with him). The line-up is still up in the air, so I guess things will start coming together when the time comes closer.

A few days after Coffeehouse, I'm gonna hop on a plane and leave to China with ClayMusic for our week-and-a-half-long tour. If it's anything like our last China trip, it will be absolutely amazing. The only downside to being in China is that I'll be gone during Winter Retreat (I come back a few days after Christmas). If for some reason I'm full of energy when I come back and not struggling with jetlag at all, I may randomly decide to drive up there to say hi to everyone in the mountains. But I'm pretty sure I'll be a little sleep-deprived after the long flight. And when I finally readjust to living in America again......

It will be 2009!! It's amazing how every year seems to go by faster than the previous. Maybe it's a sign that I'm getting old? Anyways, I really don't know how to end this entry. Happy early New Year? Happy early Christmas!? Forget it, I think I'll just focus on the present. Happy Halloween! =)

10/29: Just got back after an awesome dinner with Marcus & Ken at Happy Crab House. I'm still amazed at the great prices every time I go there. And they gave me a HUGE cup of Thai Iced Tea (with boba of course). And also Ken gave me a can of Mr. Brown coffee (which totally reminds me of Taiwan), so I've decided to stay up a little later tonight to let the caffiene wear off. Then again, it probably won't make a difference. For some reason, I haven't really been able to sleep well lately. I always have trouble falling asleep, and I'll randomly wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning and have trouble falling back asleep. But whatever, as long as I'm able to have energy to survive each day and not look like I haven't slept in months, I guess I shouldn't complain.

Anyways, one thing that's been on my mind a lot these days is whether or not I should accept Wilson's offer to help be a leader for PACT. I fully support the vision of the group, and despite having to break out of my own comfort zone in many ways, I think it's a good challenge for myself. I know that as a leader I will end up learning things that I won't learn otherwise, and it will help me mature and also give me the chance to have a big impact on other people's lives. After being at this church for so long, it's only right for me to help it grow. However, I do have a few concerns that might potentially be a problem. First, I haven't exactly been able to attend PACT on a weekly basis, due to concerts and various other events. I do believe that God called me specifically to be a musician, so when I have opportunities to perform, I should gladly accept them, knowing they are all ways to glorify Him. But most of these concerts fall on Saturday nights, and during busy seasons I often find myself missing several weeks of PACT in a row. As a leader, having bad attendance can only make things more difficult for everyone else. And as for my own relationship with God, I'm not sure if I'm really ready to become a leader. I don't know if I'm mature enough to put others before myself like Jesus wants me to. Sometimes I can be so selfish that I almost completely neglect people around me, even those that I love the most. How, then, can I have the strength to help others grow? Of course, with God nothing is impossible. So I'm praying that God will let me know how He wants me to make this decision. A part of me wants to do it, and a part of me doesn't, but in the end it's all for His glory, so let His will be done.

10/26: Fun & busy weekend. Friday - Got to hang out with Chan-Mi. It's funny how it felt like we hadn't seen each other in forever cuz we were so used to hanging out on an almost weekly basis. I blame Steven for not organizing any bowling/fishing trips =). Haha... That's probably gonna change next week though, cuz we're probably going fishing on Halloween. (Great way to keep an American tradition, huh? =) ). Chan-Mi and I went to Jamba Juice, cuz (1) she felt like getting juice, and (2) I found myself suddenly craving some White Gummi Bear. (Yes, that's a real flavor, for those who didn't know. Go try it, it's amazing!). We sat outside enjoying our drinks while talking, then went for a random walk around Wal-Mart. I love this kind of hanging out - just wandering around aimlessly and letting our surroundings spawn one conversation after another. After that, we decided to go for some late-night In-N-Out. Fries Well-Done at midnight is such a healthy thing to do. Don't worry, it doesn't happen every day =).

Saturday - See previous entry regarding most of the day. At night, I went to PACT an hour early for dinner with Wilson, who is recruiting more leaders for PACT. I'm seriously considering it, even though I do have several concerns that I need to spend time praying about first. More details on that later.

Today - Went to church, followed by the first official rehearsal for the China trip in December. I still have quite a bit of work to do on my part, but today felt good for a first practice. After that, I went to Southlands to catch the last few minutes of Winnie's birthday party, and to say hi to all the ballers there. Andrew was playing Volleyball near a building, and that Einstein decided to kick the ball, and ended up having to climb the roof to get it. At least it was fun to watch =).

So yea, it's been a great weekend and I feel pretty ready to face another week of work. For some reason a part of me isn't exactly happy right now, and that's once again because I'm too weak to accept the fact that sometimes people around me can't always keep their own words. But there's one thing I learned pretty well - As an imperfect person, sometimes I must face my shallow weaknesses with shallow solutions. Sometimes I'm so busy trying to convince myself to feel better that in the end it only stresses me out more because it once again points me towards my own problems. I dream of miracles happening and wish that God will give me a divine touch from heaven and suddenly make everything perfect, and I put in great effort to think about how I need to be more mature in dealing with problems rather than being so easily depressed. At the end, the best solution is always to just calm down, find someone to go out and have fun with, and just get my mind off my problems for a while so I can relax and think clearly. I thank God for my family and friends, for all the people who are there for me simply by letting me feel loved and respected.

10/25: Because of my crazy weekend schedule in the near future, I took advantage of this free Saturday to check one big item off my to-do list: Traffic School. Because it was my first time, I really had no idea what I was supposed to do, and information from the court left me under the impression that it's a pretty complex procedure, and that I must follow the procedure carefully in order to successfully get the speeding ticket (9/16 entry) off my record. Not that there's anything wrong with stating the procedure with clarity and detail, but it really surprised me how much reality differed from my expectations.

I stopped by a nearby Traffic School earlier in the week, having just paid for the ticket a few hours ago and knowing that the court needs to approve before I can enroll in the class. I was greeted with a sign on the door - "no appointment needed, just show up!". Another sign showed me the weekly class schedule. I found someone working in the office to confirm what I was to do in my situation, and told her I wanted to take the class on Saturday. To almost every one of my questions, she replied with "just show up". It wasn't too difficult to figure out who wrote that first sign on the door.

Saturday morning - I arrived at the door at a few minutes past 9:00, a little worried that I was late. What I saw was about a dozen other people there for the same purpose, all standing in the hallway waiting for someone to open the door. It was probably about 9:30 when the instructor arrived and pointed at an empty classroom for us to sit in. No appointment needed indeed. He gave us papers to fill out, then collected our payments. It amazed me how everyone kept taking turns asking the instructor the same questions without listening to anything he said beforehand. One particular man had several questions, and interrupted the instructor several times by mumbling the questions in Mandarin. The instructor finally replied with "I don't speak Chinese". Then the man asked in English - he was fluent in English too. The instructor explained how to fill out our paperwork, told us the cost of attendance, and announced that Traffic School is required to be eight hours long. When all the questions were asked far more times than necessary, the instructor turned on the old televsion set and popped in a video tape. The instruction began.

It felt just like taking Driver's Ed class in high school, except nobody laughed at the jokes. I found the video to be quite amusing, especially when I realized there were in fact several traffic laws that I had completely forgotten about over the years. The video asked us several multiple choice questions, then announced the answers, then gave us a chance to review all the questions at the end. When it was finished, the instructor came in the classroom, turned off the TV, and told us class was dismissed until 1:00. I turned on my cell phone to check the time; it was only 10:30.

Of course, none of us complained about having a 2-and-a-half-hour lunch break. One man sitting in the front asked the instructor if we would be tested on what we learned. The instructor casually said "no". The man's wife, who somehow also ended up having to take Traffic School at the same time, informed the instructor that an exam is required to complete the course. The instructor replied, "if you want, I can give you a test". For the first time, there was laughter across the room. Then we all left the building to enjoy our free time.

I went to run some errands, then went home, played some computer games, practiced piano, and ate lunch, all during the time that I thought would be spent sitting in a room listening to a lecture. At 1:00, the students returned. Most of us arrived early, and it wasn't all that surprising, since there really isn't much to do around the area for two and a half hours. The television was already on, and we enjoyed watching college football until the instructor finally decided to resume class. After passing around another sign-in sheet, he popped in another video. The video we watched in the morning pretty much taught us everything there was to know regarding rules and regulations, so this time we watched a film on how to respond in near-accident situations or during accidents. Much of it revolved around teaching how to skid under control - a technique commonly known outside the classroom as "drifting". I found it interesting that such things were being taught to a room full of people with speeding tickets. If we had been in the situations mentioned in the video and didn't respond properly, we probably wouldn't be sitting in that classroom.

As the video played, the instructor called us outside one by one to receive our certificates. He had probably seen that film so many times that he assumed nobody would mind missing a few minutes of it. By the time it was over, more than half of us had already received our certificates. The instructor switched the TV back to football, then apologized to those who didn't receive their certificates yet and asked them to wait a few more minutes. The rest of us sat in our seats, giving each other confused looks, until one student finally stood up to ask the instructor "are we done?". He forgot to announce that the "8-hour" course was finished, and I wouldn't be surprised if he purposely chose to not say it explicitly - it was only 2:00.

Of course, nobody complained. We all got the certificates that we paid for, and as a bonus we scored several precious free Saturday hours. Sure, it would have been nice if I got more out of my 40 bucks than simply staring at a screen watching films I can probably find on YouTube for free. And watching it on YouTube means I can do whatever I want while watching. Then again, people in the classroom were reading newspapers, drawing, and even talking on their cell phones (right as the video warned against cell phone usage on the road). I really wonder what would have happened if I showed up at the door with a beer in one hand and a shotgun in the other. If I refused to cooperate and they decided to get the cops involved, then they better do it outside their facility, because otherwise they're actually going to have to teach a real 8-hour class. I have a feeling this kind of "Traffic School" has been around for a long time, and I have a feeling there will always be enough customers to keep the business running. That brings me back to my old point (9/16 entry): In our society today, the law has become more of a burden to obey than a benefit to mankind. Many of us would rather have the ability to drive our cars as fast as we want than be deprived of such freedom for the sake of safety. We think of cops as predators rather than protectors, and choose to find ways to avoid being caught rather changing our behavior. And when those of us who have unfortunately fallen prey end up in Traffic School, needless to say, we go there not for the education, but to wipe the guilt off our hearts and our records so we can feel like we're starting over new. It's a great feeling - until we get caught again. If that day comes within eighteen months, maybe we won't be fortunate enough to start over new again.

As I pulled out of the Traffic School parking lot, I saw one of my classmates driving away with his hands (and eyes) on his cell phone trying to dial a number. A girl who sat not too far away from me cruised past a stop sign as if it didn't exist. And I saw my own speedometer go past 45 mph several times on my way home. Our guilt has been erased, and we are back to living our usual lifestyles - the same lifestyles that made us end up in Traffic School in the first place. Sure, we might be a little more cautious on the road now, paying extra attention to potential hazards. But then again, the most frequently encountered "hazards" on our list are often the same black-and-white vehicles that are supposed to protect our safety. Aside from the dent in our wallets, our lives haven't changed, and neither will our legal system. After all, this is a free country.

10/22: It's been almost a month since I last saw a car in Walnut that made me scream out loud. Fortunately, I still stick with my leave-for-work-five-minutes-early plan, and today I'm glad I did. Check this out -

10/20: New cell phone, in commission as of today-

10/19: The end of another busy weekend. Went to Rose Hills with Mom and Carol yesterday morning, followed by lunch at Banana Bay. Then I packed up my gear and drove out to Riverside for the concert. I went to Rod's house first to practice a little - turns out Stephen (who I met after the last concert) was joining us this time too! A bass guitar would have been a big help (Quinn couldn't make it this time), but our guitar-keyboard-percussion trio worked out surprisingly well. After going over the songs, we grabbed some food at A&W's (did you know they actually had a restaurant!? I thought they only made root beer...) and headed over to Coffee Depot to set up for the show. The place was exactly like I've seen on TV - a not-too-big coffeeshop lounge packed with little round tables and chairs, with a big stage dimly lit by colorful spotlights. The turnout was quite good too. We were the last of five bands to perform in the 3-hour-long event, and Stephen and I both felt that it was one of those performances where we were having so much fun that we pretty much forgot we were on stage. That's definitely a good thing - even after all these years of performing, I still can't get over stage fright, especially when I first go on stage. But having already performed with Rod once, it wasn't nearly as hard to relax, especially because most of the songs were already familiar. Emphasis on "most". I definitely had my share of curveballs thrown at me - this was my first time performing where people in the audience began shouting out song requests, and I didn't exactly know some of the songs. One wasn't too difficult and I caught on quickly, another was one that Rod and I had gone over once a long time ago, so the memories didn't take too long to bring back, and the last was one that we played at the last event but didn't plan on doing for this one. So I managed to catch on and improv my way through the night. When everything was done and people were leaving, Stephen and I decided to throw out a litlte surprise - the Super Mario theme! Excluding the Taiwan mission trip, this was the first time I ever played the song on stage. And it's hard for anyone to hate such a classic. We stuck around to hang out a little after the concert, so I didn't get home until around 12:30. But at least I didn't have to go to church early this week.

I was quite surprised that after church today there wasn't any form of big lunch gathering. And I had to teach at 3:00, so I was a bit hesitant about going home and coming back out again right away. But everything somehow worked out - Winnie called and told me she had nothing to do in the afternoon, so I went to pick her up from Carls Jr. (where she ate with her family) and we went back to church to talk and hang out for the whole afternoon, with the exception of the time when I left to go teach. Then when she went home, I went home too.

Back at home, I have to once again face the fact that our internet only works on the downstairs computer, our house phone only works in Mom's room, and my cell phone reception sucks like crap. Like I said a million times, technology and this family never really got along. But in a sense it's a good thing; when everything isn't working, it means it's not only in my room, so I have nothing to get mad or frustrated about. There's still plenty for me to do that doesn't require the internet, so maybe I'll focus on gettnig those things done first.

10/17: Apparently the internet connection at home is officially dead as of last night, and as of a few hours ago the house phone isn’t working (how the heck does the house phone die!?). So I guess my only way of staying connected with the rest of the world is through my cell phone, which I don’t exactly trust, since it’s been having an increasing tendency to not do what I want it to do. It might be under warranty still, so maybe I can get it replaced. At the same time, we just upgraded our plan and got new phones which arrived in the mail this morning, so maybe I’ll switch to that one. Then again, having two phones won’t hurt, right?

It’s almost funny how I’m feeling so disconnected from the rest of the world right now, and it just happens to be Friday night. I’m actually a bit surprised nobody wanted to hang out tonight, but I guess it’s a good thing, since I look like a zombie right now and desperately need to catch up on sleep. Considering how lightheaded I’m feeling, it’s been a very productive night – I cleaned a big part of my room, edited a bunch of stuff on the computer, and talked on the phone for a long time. And even though it’s Friday night and a part of me kept on wishing that someone would call me to go do something fun, I’m really not feeling all that lonely. Spending a day or two at UCLA always helps refuel my ability to put up with those occasional moments of deep loneliness, and even though it’s already been a week since I was there, I still feel pretty hyped up from the trip. Let’s see how long this can last. For now, I need to go to sleep. Oh by the way, tomorrow will be my second time playing for Rod. We’ll perform at another coffee shop in Riverside, so I’ll be there most of the afternoon rehearsing before the show. And of course, I don’t want to be too tired before performing, so with that said, I’ll shut up now! Goodnight!

10/17: It’s amazing how many complications can arise from a simple recording session. Last night after I finished work, I went to join Marcus and Alun at church to record a song. Marcus booked the sanctuary until midnight, but as I’ve learned from experience, a good recording session almost never ends on time. And as music geeks we tend to get sucked into our own project, meaning the more we work on it, the more time we want to spend, since we keep discovering new days to improve it. Take into account that it took about an hour just to figure out how to make all the friggin’ gadgets work, and by the time we finished recording and most of the editing, it was already 1:30 in the morning. At last, time to go home and sleep – or at least that’s what we thought. While we were finishing up, some Einstein had decided to lock up the church’s main gate, not knowing we were inside. Hopping the fence wasn’t too difficult, except our cars were locked in the parking lot, so we couldn’t exactly go home. Our only options at the moment were to either spend the night at church or walk (45 minutes) to Marcus’s home together. Fortunately for me, I’ve had enough experience with sleeping in random places that I really don’t mind not having a bed to sleep on. In fact, at that time last year I was probably asleep in an underground parking structure at UCLA. So even though we were all frustrated at the situation, I was also pretty excited. It almost felt like we were in Taiwan again, especially when there’s a 7-Eleven conveniently located across the street. Was it not for Alun’s mom who kindly came to pick us up, I would totally have bought a beer, just for the sake of reliving those great memories. Long story short, Alun called his mom to let her know he wasn’t going home, and she decided to come rescue us. So Alun went home, and I spent the night on Marcus’ couch. And this morning Baldwin brought both of us to church, where I reunited with my car and drove back home. It feels weird being up this early in the morning, and I’m feeling a little lightheaded due to lack of sleep (it was probably 3 or 4 by the time I actually fell asleep). But it has definitely been an unforgettable experience. And next time we have a late-night recording session, we’ll make sure to leave our cars outside the gate.

10/13: Monday morning. I would have written about the UCLA visit immediately after getting home on Saturday night, but it was 1:30 A.M. and I had only a few hours to sleep before going to church early in the morning for worship practice with Peter and Steph’s team. After church I had just enough energy left to enjoy a big lunch at Garden, then went home and knocked out until dinner. Ken came over at night and we talked until we both decided we were getting too tired. So yea, I didn’t exactly have time (or energy) to write until now. But now that I’m finally well rested, it’s time to recap this amazing first UCLA visit of the schoolyear.

Let’s start with Friday. Thanks to not-too-bad traffic conditions, I arrived at the Hill at almost exactly 6:30. First stop – Ben’s room (in Rieber Terrace). BK was already there, and we went to meet at Puzzles with Christine(Chen), Vicky, and Noel for dinner. As usual, chicken nuggets with curly fries were extremely satisfying. And special thanks to Ben for swiping me again into DeNeve afterwards for another dinner. Somehow I ended up running into Eugene (who is exactly the same age as me) and Rock (who no longer lives in the dorms) in the dining hall. I guess I’m not the only one who misses dorm food. Christine(Dang) eventually woke up(!) and decided to come join me for dinner. Miraculously, the dining hall happened to have every ingredient I needed to make my “teafee” that I used to drink every morning for breakfast. Christine and I walked back to Rieber Terrace afterwards, where my scooter was waiting patiently for me. It’s definitely an aging ride, desperately in need of a few new parts. But for now, it still transports me faster than I can go on foot, so I shouldn’t be complaining. Next destination – GOC. With the help of the scooter, I arrived just in time to catch everyone when the meeting ended. I wish I could have made it in time for at least the last couple worship songs, but I guess there’s always next time. It’s amazing how a lot of people still (sort of) recognize me. Perhaps my age, major, and living situation during last year’s Fall Quarter made me hard to forget. I walked back with Tiffany, Sonia, and Christine(Shen) – is it just me or are there too many Christines at UCLA? – and decided to stick around for AFF. It was my first AFF at the apartments, and it was there that I finally found Derek (who I didn’t find at GOC), and we sat down (at an awkward spot in the middle of the room) and talked while enjoying the many amazing snacks available to us. When the party died down, I went back up to Rieber Terrace to hang out with Jerry and Trinh. Out of our little Hedrick-5-North gang that I saw regularly last schoolyear, they were the only two I didn’t get to talk to all summer, and it was great to get to catch up again. I ended up spending the night in Jerry’s room, being spared the loneliness (and excitement) of living in the parking lot. My attitude is the same as last schoolyear’s; when it comes to finding a place to live, I’ve already conquered the worst case scenario and turned it into something enjoyable, so I have nothing to worry about. But when people offer a better alternative, I’m not gonna decline it.

Saturday – I guess the downside of having so many people to visit is that there’s no time for me to sleep in. Then again, when I’m at UCLA I tend to feel so excited that I have trouble sleeping even when given the time to do so. Most of my friends know that I’m probably one of the people most likely to say yes to waking up early for breakfast, and few people know that part of me better than those who I met while living on Hedrick 2-North during my junior year. Victoria and Jenny decided to help us relive those days by planning to meet for breakfast in Westwood at 9AM. Just like it was three years ago, they were asleep when I called them. But we eventually made it to Novel Cafe for an awesome high-class breakfast during which we got to catch up. I still can’t believe they’re both seniors now – time is passing so incredibly fast! After breakfast I walked with Victoria back to her apartment and got to see Tayeba and Christine (another one!) again for the first time in forever. Then I went back up the Hill to visit Trinh again. I met her (and Christine’s) roommate Maggie, who not only had Premier but was kind enough to use a swipe on me. So we enjoyed lunch (brunch, whatever you call it) at Rieber. I gave them both a sip of my teafee – who knows, maybe they can help keep my tradition alive?. Back in their room, we discovered that Maggie’s betta fish was not in good health, and performed an impromptu rescue operation, using random websites to get help and wishing the fish could actually talk and tell us what was wrong. On my way out of Rieber Terrace, I ran into Janet, who I had met just after lunch not too long ago, and we walked down to Kerchoff together, since we both needed to go there. She had an interview, and I had a stack of little papers that I wanted to put to good use-

10/09: It's been a pretty eventful week so far. The fun of tomorrow's UCLA visits began ever since I started calling people at the beginning of the week, and I not only had a great time talking on the phone just about every night, but found more and more reasons to look forward to the trip. I'm a bit exhausted right now, partly due to so much packing and preparing and also because of several late-night adventures in these past few days. On Monday night (or Tuesday? I can't remember =/ ) I talked with Christine(Shen) until 3 in the morning about um... gummi bears. Yea, I've had this conversation with several people already, and will eventually write a big entry about it when I feel like it =). Last night Chan-Mi and I randomly decided to go hang out at Denny's and get some hot chocolate. She's been feeling exactly like I felt last week, and I'm glad to be a reason for her to get out of home and have some fun. Anyways, I'll keep this entry short since I should go get some sleep as part of preparing for the weekend. God only knows how much sleep I'll be able to get at UCLA. (And God only knows where I'll be sleeping tomorrow night! It's like those good old adventurous days all over again!). But I must say that I'm really, really, really looking forward to this trip. It's always an amazing feeling to get to see everyone again after summer and catch up, plus the fact that it will be my first glimpse at UCLA life this schoolyear. As usual, I'm gonna go with an open mind, letting things happen naturally, since I'm sure everything is so different now that it's gonna be hard for me to even imagine what this weekend will be like. But I really haven't looked forward to something so much in a really long time, and I believe it's gonna be one heck of an amazing weekend. If all goes as planned, I'll be arriving on campus tomorrow evening at around 6 to 6:30 PM, and will be there until late Saturday night, whenever I decide to head home. UCLA Bruins, see you tomorrow! =)

10/06: At last, the weekend I've been looking forward to for several weeks - UCLA VISIT #7, the first visit of the new schoolyear! I'll be there from this Friday (10/10) evening and stay until late Saturday night. Because I get off work on Friday an hour earlier than I did last schoolyear, I should be able to arrive on campus at around 6:30 (assuming moderate traffic congestion). The plan so far is to arrive on time for dinner with Ben, Christine(Chen), and any other GCCI people in the dorms. Most of the night will be focused on hanging out with people who are not free on Saturday, and I'll catch the last bit of GOC and spend some time with people there too. Saturday is all open so far, but it's gonna fill up fast, especially now that I'll be running back and forth between the dorms and the apartments. I'm gonna be calling up people to visit throughout the week, and hopefully this will be another busy and exciting UCLA trip to kick off the year!

10/05: The good, the bad, and the strange. Let's start with the good. Last night was Bryan(Shaw) and Stacy's big night, and we had a huge cell potluck/party to celebrate. I had the honor of joining Wilson, Peter, and Alun in leading about an hour of worship (more on that in the "strange" section). I didn't stay too late though, cuz today I had to be at church at 7 in the (friggin) morning for C-worship practice. We did a couple new songs from the 4th ClayMusic album which should already be on sale in Taiwan and should be available here soon. It's definitely good practice for the China trip, considering I'm not exactly good at playing piano solos in B major. (And the fact that Winnie came downstairs to watch made me just a little more nervous... hehe). After service was when my long unfulfilled wish finally came true - people went out to eat with me! Special thanks to Ken, Mark, Winnie, and Alun for joining me in a great lunch at Garden Cafe. Seriously, you guys have no clue how much I needed it =). Back at home, I somehow managed to spend the entire afternoon until dinner on the phone with a bunch of different people who just happened to call me one after another. If only that happened a few days earlier. But still, I shouldn't be complaining =).

The bad - I have to be honest and say that just because I got to have a little fun today, it doesn't mean my life is back to normal again. Then again, should "normal" refer to the small percentage of my life when my life inevitably drives me insane or to the majority of the time when I keep myself happy by running away from it? I really don't know. I feel strong enough to face this coming week that will probably be filled with countless things that piss me off, and pray that I won't react in ways that I'll later regret. And that strength came through a combination of getting to relax and have fun this weekend, listening to Wilson's sermon this morning, playing for various worship sets these past couple days, and of course, that precious time every week when Mom, Carol, and I pray for each other. To be honest, I'm quite sick of this whole waiting-until-Sunday routine, but it's my own fault I refuse to humble myself and turn back to face the damage I caused and therefore need a scheduled time like this to talk things out. I really wish my family can have better communication, especially on days other than Sunday. That's definitely something I'll pray about and try to improve on. But for now, I'm simply glad we're on good terms once again, despite the fact that there's still so many things I have yet to deal with. Speaking of those things...

The strange - This may sound quite ridiculous, but in these past few days my faith was so weak that I was actually making fun of God while going crazy because life couldn't go my own way. Shortly after writing the previous entry on Friday night, I went and did exactly what I thought I would end up doing. The "little drive" was, of course, not exactly a peaceful one. And as for the beer, as stupid as this sounds, it actually magically made the rest of the night so much better. Shortly after I opened the can, my internet connection suddenly started working almost perfectly - the first time it happened this whole week. And then people started calling me and IMing me, and they were all real conversations, none of that say-hi-and-ignore-me crap that I had been dealing with all week. It almost made me feel as if God wants me to become an alcoholic so my life can be better. Oh and by the way, while I was at the market picking my drinks, I got a call from a church leader telling me I should step up and become a leader. Bullcrap, I thought. He had no idea what the heck I was going through, and I could probably be out buying marijuana and he would still call and ask me to lead church stuff. Then Saturday came around. Time to set up my keyboard at Shaw's house and play for worship. More bullcrap. What the heck was I worshipping anyway? At that point it definitely wasn't God, and if it weren't for Shaw's special occation I might have even decided to spend the night at home again with what's left of my new best friend, the six-pack. But what the heck, real worship, fake worship, as long as people are worshipping, I can hide in the dark for a little longer. Then today - more worship with Chinese congregation. Why the heck do I get so many chances to lead worship and appear like a good Christian when in reality that's the last thing I felt like being in my heart? Yes, at one point on Friday night I did realize that the crap going on could be a spiritual battle taking place before I went on stage to serve God. But by then I was too frustrated to care. It's a really strange feeling - a part of me still feels like praying for people I care about and making a difference in their lives. But the other part of me has slipped so far away that my recent prayers simply involved asking God to give other people a better life than mine, knowing I already partially gave up on mine. That's how I felt during worship - my heart was already screwed up, but I still wanted God to make the most out of what He still could. Yea, I know, God can still transform me completely. But that's what makes me feel so strange - there have been very few things in my life that I actually don't trust God at all in, and most of my struggles this week involved being forced to accept that while I'm not trusting God, I can't exactly take things into my own hands without going insane. So I'm stuck somewhere in the middle, and who knows how long I'm going to stay here.

I won't deny that whether it's by God or by myself, something has to be done. In fact, I've already taken the first few steps, and did so in a way that God approves. But it's going to be a very long journey, and I will go to extreme measures to make sure my heart doesn't get shattered again like it did so many times during journeys like this. My prayers now focus not on the "bad" section, but the "strange", because while the bad things bother me, it's the strange things that I really need to get sorted out before I'll accomplish anything. In some areas of my life, my faith is stronger than most people can imagine, and it feels like nothing can ever turn me against it. But in other areas, my faith is so weak that it even surprises myself, and I pray that I will learn to grow in those areas and become a mature Christian who truly seeks God's will and puts it above my own. I know a lot of the things I said in this entry contradict my own beliefs, but I believe that in order to become more mature in faith I must admit that I have some areas of doubt, and pray that God will give me strength to overcome it. At least I'm pretty sure this coming week won't be nearly as tough as the past week. Even if all else fails, I know that on Friday I'll be back at UCLA, and that never fails to make things better.

10/03: To me, one of the most dangerous things about my post-college life is that there are very few people who have the time to make my day when I need them to. Especially now that academics have started to kick in for most people in school, it's hard to even find someone to talk to, let alone spend some quality time with. So when something happens that makes me want to get out of the house, and I realize there's nobody to go out with, I simply become really depressed. If I go out by myself, it would probably involve doing lots of crazy and stupid things that I'll later regret, and I'm trying to be mature enough to not simply shove all my frustrations at whoever happens to be in my way. But if I go out to eat or spend time with some friends, then it gives me a chance to not only calm down and get some fresh air, but to either talk about my problems or get my mind away from it.

That's exactly what I've been needing this whole week. But thanks to everyone being busy with school or work, or simply not noticing me, I had to live through this whole week with absolutely nothing to look forward to. Yes, I could have called someone up and asked if they were free, but doing so would only make me feel (and sound) extremely desperate. I don't want to use my friends for personal gain, and I knew all along that I would talk to enough people throughout the week to make me feel better. But no, here's how almost all of my conversations this week turned out. One person said he/she would call me back and never did. Two people said they would talk to me "tomorrow", and never did. Several people IMed me at around the same time to say hi, then ignored me from that point on. Another person called to see if I was free to hang out, then called again to say he/she can't make it, and changed his/her mind 8 billion times in a row. Why the hell do you plan to spend time with someone if you're not even sure if you're free yourself? And why the hell do you start a conversation if you're not planning on actually talking? And do you think it's funny to get my hopes up and then throw them down again so I can suffer?

The little sanity left in me right now wants me to say that if you're reading this and you happen to be one of the people I just listed, don't worry, I have nothing against you at all. Trust me, I've been through this kind of crap enough times that I've already concluded the only person I can really trust is myself. I'm probably overreacting right now, but to be honest I do consider what these people have done extremely rude (again, nothing against them personally), and every one of them has a big role in leading to this unquenchable emptiness I'm feeling right now. Oh, and it just happens to be Friday night, the time of the week that I typically want to go out the most. Perfect. At this point I've already given up on people around me. If God decides to throw me a little miracle, maybe somebody's gonna call me out of the blue in the next hour or so wanting to go hang out, and not change their mind about it. And I swear, even if they're hours away, I'll be happy to drive as far as I need to. After all, when nobody wants to spend time with me, I might as well spend my paychecks on gasoline. If all else fails, I can always go out for a little drive and bring back some beer and throw a little party all for myself. In fact, I have a very good feeling that's exactly what I'll be doing tonight.

10/01: Even though I embrace my past as an important part of who I am now, I can't always look behind me with a smile, especially when things that have hurt me in the past countless times come back to haunt me again. I believe God has the power to transform lives and turn horrible pasts into bright futures. But some things never change, and the older I get the harder it is for me to try and think otherwise. Countless encounters with the same exact problems in ways that simply can't be coincidental has made me feel as if God is purposely using me as a victim. It's a long story, and because I'm writing this while I'm teaching, I won't bother going into all the details now. But at this point I have no choice but to once again face my fate. I've tried running away from it, giving much more than I could afford in hope that I never have to end up here again. And for a few years I thought I finally won the battle. But I was such an idiot. Fate never loses, and now I'm forced to either face it or go insane.

Actually, I've already gone a little insane. It's really nothing new to me, considering how I always react crazily when I feel overwhelmed, and a lifelong history of crap should be a pretty good excuse for feeling that way. At first, my instinct (and fear) told me to run away from the battle, but doing so only caused me more trouble. Already I've done more damage than I can ever afford to fix, and now I'm forced to fight the battle while evading my insanity at the same time. Except I'm not willing to look back at it. Deep inside I'm crying at the sight of what I've become, but until my heart miraculously softens, my only choice is to keep on running toward disaster and never look back.

09/28: End-of-Week summary. The one bad thing about going out almost every day for a whole week is that I don't have time to make plans for the following week, and that's why most of this week simply revolved around working. On Tuesday I got to meet up with Rushi at DBHS and chat for a little bit. I love how excited he his about seeing nice cars - one of these days we're definitely gonna find a free weekend and give each other a tour of our favorite local spotting sites. Speaking of car-spotting, there is (believe it or not) a third GT-R in the area, and it's red! Other highlights of the week include an R8 (shot), Gallardo (missed), V8 Vantage (missed), Azure(!!!) (shot), and Continental GTC (shot). I seriously need to improve my hunting strategy, cuz all of my failed attempts this week were extremely stupid, and I could have done much better. But anyways...

Friday was a pretty exciting day. To be concise, let me simply say "jazz & burgers". Literally. In the morning I met with Marcus to work on some music - jazzy music. Then we had lunch together at In-N-Out Burger. It was pretty crowded there so we got our food to go and went back to Marcus's home to eat. Then Marcus realized he forgot to pick up his milk shake. When I left to go work, he drove all the way back there to get that shake, probably spending enough gas money to buy another one. It's amazing how we humans can be so determined when it comes to obtaining food =). Continuing with the "jazz & burgers" theme, at night I went with Grace to the Brea Jazz Festival. How did I live here all these years and not know about this thing?? The Latin Jazz band was amazing, and we had so much fun talking about random stupid stuff while listening to the concert and watching the people sitting in front of us drink far more wine than they should have. Then we went to get dinner at Fatburger. It was my first time there, and even though it's a little more pricey than In-N-Out, it's definitley worth it. And their fries are totally amazing too! We ended up sitting and talking there for a super long time, taking advantage of the free drink refills.

Saturday - More jazz and more burgers! Just kidding. Took Ken to get his car fixed in the morning and chilled at home unproductively - most of the productive things I do happen in my room, but when it's way too hot upstairs I really can't stand being there, so I end up staying downstairs playing computer games =). Went to buy stuff at Costco with Mom and Carol in the afternoon, then went to Joseph's house for a car-wash party. How often do you meet someone that drives the same car as you do and is just as OCD about keeping it clean? Now that I park in the garage, I'm especially obsessed with keeping my car clean, and yes, I consider a car-wash party a lot of fun. And special thanks to Joseph's parents for preparing an awesome dinner =). After we finished, we went to PACT. I stayed until about midnight talking and enjoying a lifetime supply of gummi bears courtesy of Shaw. When was the last time you carried a bag of gummi bears so heavy that it actually feels like a workout? And yes, I have picture evidence and will post it online soon =).

Today - another pretty busy day. Church, the lunch downstairs, then meeting, then rehearsal. I couldn't stay for the whole meeting, but I really hope we all remember the things we talked about and take them to heart. I admit there's a lot I have to change regarding my attitude toward leadership too, and I pray that God will give me the desire and humility to do so. The rehearsal afterwards was for next sunday's C-Worship, and I guess it also counts as the first rehearsal for the China trip (since all the instrumentalists are the same). We'll be starting to meet regularly on Sunday afternoons soon, so please, go out to eat with me after church before it's too late =). Wow, I sound kinda desperate. All I'm trying to say is that having lunch with church people after church is an awesome way to relax and fellowship, especially now that school started and most people are extremely busy during the week. Anyways, came home afterwards, had dinner, followed by the second of our newly restarted family prayer meetings. And now I'm here writing this thing. One last thing before I shut up - UCLA Visit #7, the first visit of the new schoolyear, is tentatively scheduled for Friday-Saturday of Week 2. I'm also considering visiting this coming weekend (Week 1) instead, even though that means the trip will be a little shorter, since I already have plans for Saturday evening. So if anyone is not gonna be around the weekend of Week 2, please let me know soon! Gosh, I miss UCLA so much and can't wait to visit soon. Anyways, I'll shut up now =).

09/23: Zero Week. Even after all these years, the words still ring a bell of excitement that echoes throughout my heart. My first Zero Week was as a freshman no different from everyone else, a little scared to live away from home and also a little excited to face whatever was ahead of me. Throughout the years, I gained confidence, character, and even charisma, and as I learned from my countless life-changing experiences in college, each Zero Week was an entirely different experience. Last year’s was especially memorable – I drove myself to campus for the first time, with no food to eat and nowhere to sleep at night. I was more excited than afraid, and faced Zero Week with the same enthusiasm I had in previous years when I actually lived in the dorms. And those areas of my life that I chose to leave incomplete ended up making that quarter one of the most fulfilling in my college career.

Thinking of it now, much of what makes Zero Week so exciting is that so much of what comes out of it is beyond anyone’s control. Yes, the wisdom I gained each year helped shape my relationship with the people around me. Every year, every floor, and every dorm is a unique group of individuals that will eventually transform each other’s lives as time passes. But ultimately, it’s nothing more than a huge Big Bang that reoccurs every year, and the most important thing is to treat each new year with an open mind. By God’s grace, Zero Week has never been anything less than exciting to me. That’s why I chose to be there during Zero Week of my fifth year, even though classes didn’t start yet and I didn’t have a place to live at school. But this year, things are going to be very different.

It’s the same routine every year. Summer is almost ending for those fortunate enough to attend a quarter-system UC, and everyone is making an effort to enjoy their last moments of freedom with their families and friends. Then suddenly they find themselves sucked into a whole new life that they’ve heard so much about but have not yet experienced. By learning from their mistakes and being open-minded with one another, they turn Zero Week into an experience they will never forget. This is exactly what thousands of college students are going through right now. And I know the system so well that I can easily close my eyes and imagine myself there right now, making the most out of every moment I have to build precious relationships that can transform my life. And just thinking about it fills my heart with excitement. But at the end of all this daydreaming, I find myself back in reality - I’ve already finished college, and this year I won’t be at UCLA to participate in the latest Big Bang that will shape a wave of life on the Hill.

I’ve learned many times that in a cycle that repeats, everything that goes up must eventually fall down. As the schoolyear progresses, academic stress will start to take over, friendships will start to become more exclusive, and little by little the gate of excitement will start to close, never to be opened again until the next Zero Week. It breaks my heart that I will no longer march proudly through that gate like I did in the past five years. God knows my feelings, though, and He comforts me by reminding me that friendships don’t end when school ends. There are many items scattered throughout my room that trigger a flood of memories assuring me that I’ve made the most out of the friendships God gave me. And in these past few days I’ve already received several phone calls from friends at school asking me when I’ll go visit them again like I did last year after I graduated. Every flashback from UCLA this week hurts me a little, since I’m no longer there to enjoy it again. But at the same time, it reminds me that my role in the lives of my school friends isn’t over just because I’m not there. I lived a life that was true to my own heart, and it impacted people in ways that are still evident in their lives today. In the same way, their roles in my life are not over either. I promise to visit again soon, and will be there regularly just like I was last schoolyear. Looking back now, I can say without doubt that at the end of every year, it’s always Zero Week and the beginning few weeks that I miss the most. For the rest of my life, memories from those times will always fill me with a sense of joy and wonder like nothing else I’ve experienced before. God had blessed me each year with the wisdom that resulted in such an amazing college experience, and in the same way I pray that everyone I know in college now or will cross paths with during this schoolyear will receive the same blessing, and will enjoy a Zero Week that they will never forget.

09/22: Quick recap of the past couple days. Saturday night's show at Jazz N Java was awesome. Rod, Quinn, Jimmy, and I went over the songs once, then we went to set up and get ready to perform. Doc Holiday went first, then us, then Hooligan J. A lot of people came to check it out, and we got pretty good feedback. Who knows, maybe I'll get to be a part of Rod's future events too?

Yesterday (Sunday) - went to church and had lunch at Happy Crab afterwards with Johnson Vivian Andrew Vanessa Grace and Joan. Surprisingly, it wasn't nearly as crowded this time, even though our group wasn't exactly small. Grace and I went to chill at Vanessa's house for a bit afterwards. At night, I went to Ally's house for one last "Callyesther" gathering before Ally left for UCSD. So I guess the next time we hang out will be um... Winter Break? That's so far away. And half the time I'll be in China. Oops, did I say that out loud? I didn't really mention much about it yet, but ClayMusic is going back for another tour in Fujian =). I'll save the details for a few months later though. For now, here's something that might be of some interest to all the car-spotters out there-

09/21: I’m not sure how to begin describing the way I feel right now. I’m a little happy, a little excited, and also a little stressed and a little confused. It’s Sunday night now, and for the first time in what feels like forever, I’m writing an SNU with the same intentions I had for such entries in the months following last year’s Winter Retreat. To be honest, my life since the Taiwan trip hasn’t exactly been close to how God wants me to live. I learned so much overseas, wishing to come home and live my life with a deeper understanding of who I was meant to be. Because the things I learned had a lot to do with my family, I wanted a good opportunity to share them, and I knew exactly what that opportunity would be. Except that opportunity ended up being cancelled for no good reason, leaving me extremely frustrated and once again stuck with being hurt by my own desire to live a life of commitment. My life at home felt no different from the times when I returned home from college after an entire quarter or schoolyear, only to be forced to face the unresolved conflicts between my family members and me. In this case, I had every reason to be unhappy, and at the same time the whole water leak incident happened, and the countless things we had to do around the house made everyone more irrational than we usually were. Home was not where I wanted to be, and once the schoolyear began and I started to teach again, I fell back into the old routine of pushing aside the unresolved tensions and simply pretending everything was fine, living a life that revolved around none other than myself. And I pulled it off very well. Thanks to a social life that was flourishing at just the right time, I had countless ways to get my mind off the crap I didn’t want to face. Deep inside I knew I needed God, but living for myself was fun, and I was doing a pretty good job.

In the middle of all this, God decided to intervene – just a little bit. Tonight brought a return to our old weekly family sharing/prayer time, something I had already pushed out of my life as more evidence that even the people I care about most aren’t able to earn my trust. It was Mom’s idea, and I simply said “sure, why not, as long as I’m free”. Yes, my commitment now only goes as far as “as long as I’m free”, meaning I’m no longer willing to sacrifice other activities in my schedule for it, since nobody else seems to be doing it and in the end I’m just hurting myself. I honestly admitted my currently feelings, and also had the long-awaited chance to share about my feelings from the Taiwan trip. They were simply too strong to be bottled in, and that was part of the reason my life recently has been such a mess. And I’m glad we are now able to understand each other again without having to hurt each other in the process. Of course, that’s assuming things continue to work out well in the coming weeks. To be honest, as much as I hate to admit it, I’m still highly skeptical about the future of these weekly sessions. I know that I love them, and that I need them, but I don’t know if my attitude can ever be the same again – just because I don’t hold a grudge, it doesn’t mean my scars are completely healed. Only time can take care of that. And right now I still have plenty of reasons to explode at people. I wonder if time can take care of that too…

So right now, I’m happy that I’ve once again discovered my need for God, and I’m excited to see where this new boost in my faith will take me. But at the same time, I’m stressed because it won’t be easy to give up my current lifestyle and once again place God as number one. And I’m a little confused, because I don’t know why God suddenly decided to allow Himself to take the throne in my life again, even though I didn’t go through any big life-changing experiences that forced me to turn back to Him. But of course, these decisions are God’s, not mine, and if He decided to do it, then I’m sure He has a good reason for it. So I pray that in this coming week, I can have the strength to be humble and fall on my knees once again to remember the one who is in control of my life.

09/20: A nice little break before heading out to Riverside for the concert. It's been a surprisingly busy week, thanks to friends who want to hang out, music projects that I'm currently involved in, and the fact that it's the last week before all the UC's start school and there are lots of people to say goodbye to. On Sunday evening I finally decided to go to the garage and clean everything out so I could get my parking space, rather than keep waiting until eternity for my family to decide what to do with all the stuff on the ground. Before Labor Day weekend, I was told that by the end of the weekend we would finish cleaning the garage so all our cars could be parked inside. And what happened? We finished cleaning everything except my space, and just left the rest of the work undone. After I got bugged countless times to get rid of my old car, and I finally did, the space (which is supposed to be for my car now) ended up occupied by a bunch of garbage. And after being yelled at so many times for not volunteering to help clean just about everything else at home, is there something wrong with me expecting my family to volunteer to help me out too - especially on something that should have been done weeks ago? So anyways, I got my parking space, which finally gave me the reason I've been waiting for to give my car a good wash on Monday morning. I've always felt that having a clean car not only looks good, but also makes me drive more carefully. And throughout the week I often found random chunks of time to clean the little details in the car - the dirt collected in all the shut lines, the little pieces of trash that are gathered inside on the floor, and other normally unnoticed areas such as the inside of the doorframe. It was pointless for me to wash these things when the car was always parked outside, but now that it gets to spend the night indoors, it's the little details that make the difference between an ordinary car and a car lover's car.

Anyways, why did I spend so long writing about this stuff? I guess it contributed to why my week was so busy, but there were also plenty of little surprises to look forward to before/after work throughout the week. I spent the first half of Tuesday with Ally and Esther (are we really officially called "Callyesther" now? haha...). Ally prepared noodles for lunch and we ate and chatted (and played/sang really random music) until I had to go work. On Wednesday I met with Marcus again to work on music - he's the only other person I know on this planet who messes around with FL Studio =) . And we're definitely making some good progress so far. In fact, we're most likely gonna make this a weekly meeting from now on, just to hang out and jam and write music.

Yesterday (Friday) - had lunch at Lollicup with Eva. We'd been planning to go get boba for the longest time, and stuff always comes up so it gets delayed. (I guess getting to hang out with Miss Teen Taiwan isn't always easy! hehe). We have so many random stories to share, especially about Troy. It's always fun to know how it changed (and hasn't changed) since I left. Thinking of it now, I guess I actually had a pretty good time at Troy, despite not really having any friends most of the time I was there. A lot of the stuff I did really aren't things that I'm proud of, but they're definitely fun to look back on and laugh about. Anyways, I got home with an hour to rest before going to work. I don't even really consider Fridays "work", since I only teach for two hours and it's nothing compared with the other days. But to all you car spotters around the area, make sure you have your cameras on you at all times - there are TWO Nissan GT-R's in the area, and I saw them both (for the first time) on my way to work. One was driving by and I missed it, and the other was parked for some good shots. As if that wasn't good enough, when I returned to get a couple more shots after work, I happened to cross paths with, believe it or not, a brand-spankin-new orange Murcielago LP640. How's that for a single day? Anyways, enough about cars. Went over to Steven's house afterwards to get ready to go (where else?) fishing! Ken went over there too, and we went to pick up Chan-Mi, then met up with Jason for dinner. Can't go wrong with a bowl of hot Pho in cold weather =). Unfortunately, the cold weather also scared most of the fish away, so it was a pretty disappointing night. But since we're just fishing for fun, we still had a great time. The highlight of the night was when Jason's curiosity prompted him to turn the knob on a big water pipe, only to end up soaked, since the opening was apparently pointing at him. The cold weather tempted us to make a stop at Denny's on the way back for some hot chocolate. It's not stuff I would normally pay for (since I can make it myself), but free refills are definitely worth it =). And even though I got home a bit later than expected, at least I got to sleep in a bit longer this morning. Still, I feel slightly tired, and I know I shouldn't be staring at this computer screen too long unless I want everyone at the concert to think I didn't sleep at all last night. So yea, that's all for now. I'm very excited about the show. Wish me luck! =)

09/18: After a ridiculously long delay (that I really don't have a good excuse for), the pictures from my last week in Taiwan are finally online. It just so happened that as I was editing the pictures throughout the week, there was a huge typhoon going on in Taiwan, and one of the most badly damaged places was Lushan - exactly where Uncle Hwei took Alice, Carol, and I during our vacation. Now the whole place is basically gone - the river is pretty much filled up with mud, the bridges collapsed, the trails we walked on are all washed away, and God only knows if the hotel we lived at still exists, since so many buildings fell down or got buried completely. It's quite scary to watch the news from Taiwan and actually recognize so many of the places (since it's a very small village). I'm amazed at how quickly things can change, and also at how powerful nature truly can be. It makes me both sad for the people who lost their lives and the fact that the village will never be the same again, and thankful that God is always watching over me and protecting me, even though life can be so fragile sometimes.

09/16: Last Tuesday morning I went out to run a few errands and was greeted with an unpleasant surprise – a police officer who stopped me for driving a little bit faster than I was supposed to. It was my first time receiving a ticket, and it all happened so quickly – I simply pulled over, did what the cop told me to do, got the ticket, and continued my trip. But of course, there are those moments afterwards when reality suddenly stings me, and during those times I start to ask myself many questions, mostly revolving around how I was planning on facing what happened. I considered just about every possible option – keeping the whole incident a secret, going out for a wild drive just to feel like the cops have no control over me, changing my behavior to avoid breaking the law again, or buying some drinks and forgetting about the whole thing. But those options were all driven simply by that feeling of discomfort from not having things turn out the way I wanted them to. In the end I decided to simply not make a big deal out of it, so I told people about it when appropriate, and continued living my life as if nothing ever happened. And after giving myself a week to cool down and think clearly, I now know how I’m gonna face reality.

As a big car enthusiast, I always keep up with the latest in automotive technology. I’ve thought many times to myself about the fact that with today’s advanced technology it’s possible for cars and traffic flow in general to be controlled entirely by computers, without the need for drivers. That means the computers in the cars and in the streets can be pre-programmed so that no vehicle is capable of breaking any traffic laws, and the number of casualties from car accidents will be reduced to nearly nothing. And I'm sure our government can dig out enough money to make it happen. Or at the very least, the government can make a law to not allow new cars to go faster than the freeway speed limit. Sounds good, right? But why hasn't it happened?

Simple - The problem is actually ourselves. Another part of being an automotive enthusiast is that I enjoy being behind the wheel. In our culture today cars are not only a form of transportation, but a way to express ourselves. Everyone has at least a small degree of selfishness, and there are many people like me who would not want to surrender the privilege of driving to a system of computers. And as long as our voting system continues to exist, there will probably always be enough of us to make sure that freedom and pleasure have a higher priority than risk prevention. The way I see it now, there are two ways people respond to laws. One, they accept it as their own lifestyle, abiding by it and attempting to live harmoniously under it. Two, they treat it as more of a burden to obey. The second category is where most people today fall when it comes to traffic laws. Come on, let’s admit it, most of us immediately slow down our cars at the sight of a cop, even when we may not be doing anything wrong. We aren't a bunch of machines programmed to stop accelerating once we reach an exact speed limit. The pedals are under our feet and our cars are capable of doing far more than what the law allows, so it's only natural that sometimes we'll go a bit slower, and other times we'll go a bit faster.

Yes, to me these laws are a burden to obey (or evade). But I'll admit that deep inside I really do appreciate them. As much as I sometimes wish I can have the freedom to make up my own traffic laws as I drive, I know that if everyone thinks like me, the streets will become even more of a mess than they already are. And for the sake of the safety of myself and the people I love, I'm thankful that there are rules controlling our selfish desires. That's why I feel no need to complain or feel angry about this speeding ticket. If the situation were an actual traffic accident involving another party, I might find some room to question who was really at fault and try to escape the blame. But in this case, it's clear who's at fault and I'm not gonna argue otherwise. I'm the only one that really knows how much of a crazy driver I can be, and how much trouble I could have gotten if it wasn't for God's amazing grace that protected me every time. To be completely honest, I should have died many times already. Or at the very least, I should have hurt myself and others in ways that all the money in the world could not fix. Yet here I am, still perfectly alive and healthy, with a car in excellent condition just like it was when I first bought it, and a little speeding ticket that almost every driver my age has gotten at least once (if not more). What do I really have to complain about? I can’t always blame others for the things they do wrong and not accept blame for what is clearly my own fault.

Yes, it sucks to be among a cop's daily catch. But life isn't perfect, and I have no right to even call this unfair. I chose to break the rules that I know were established for my own well-being, and I got caught, so I suffer the consequences. Fair, right? But as one who identifies with the people in the second category I mentioned earlier, I'm afraid this ticket isn't gonna do much to change me. As one who takes great joy in being behind the wheel, I see the streets as a highly social setting, filled with countless dialogs between drivers communicated through their cars and the way they drive. If every driver is only concerned with following every last word of the law, then the conversations have no life in them, because no one is unique. But the truth is that every person is supposed to be unique in his/her own way, and that's not gonna change. I'm definitely a rather adventurous character, meaning that something deep inside tells me it's sometimes okay to take risks, even for no good reason other than simply to be real with myself. I'm not necessarily in a rush to get from point A to point B, but when there's a long stretch of road in front of me with no potentially hazardous situations, I might just decide to go a little faster than I'm supposed to, or shave a few milliseconds off my wait time at the stop sign. And if I do get caught, then so be it; it was my own choice to begin with.

Of course, after last week’s incident I've definitely learned to be a bit more cautious of those radar-equipped law enforcement vehicles that always seem to be hiding and ready to jump out at people like me. But I'm not gonna become enslaved to the law. There are so many little rules that even those who try to follow them will inevitably break one or two without even realizing it (and often still get penalized for it). So when I understand that the essence of the law is for the well-being of mankind and am not putting anybody else's lives (or properties) at risk, what's wrong with bending the rules a little bit? True, I’ll be a lot more careful in watching for cops from now on. But deep inside my passion will not change, and I will still drive, cruise, speed, and do whatever it takes to fulfill that passion. I grew up learning that this is a free country, so until the day when cars drive themselves and the speed limit is pre-programmed into every vehicle, I won’t plan on giving up my freedom.

09/14: Sunday afternoon - It's been an extremely eventful weekend, and this coming week will be just as busy, with a good mix of rehearsals, performances, and simply hanging out and having fun. Friday - had In-N-Out for dinner with Steven, then met up with Chan-Mi and Ray for bowling at Oak Tree. So apparently Ray and Steven are friends from UCI, and I knew Ray from middle school! Who would have guessed that after almost a decade, I still run into people from Chaparral! As usual, my bowling abilities were based almost entirely on luck, meaning I got plenty of gutter balls and also a good amount of strikes, with no visible sign of improvement as the two hours passed. Actually, Steven taught me a better way to hold the ball that helped me throw a lot more straight. But the gutter balls still happened, and I guess that's just the way it will always be. At least I'm not always the one with the lowest score =).

Yesterday (Saturday) was quite exhausting - I drove all the way out to this middle-of-nowhere place known as Riverside to rehearse with Rod and Quinn. We practiced pretty much the entire afternoon, and now we're all excited about this coming Saturday, when we'll be performing at Riverside's Jazz N Java! This is probably my first time performing with a band outside of a Christian-based organization, and if all goes well, this will not be the last time I work with these awesome musicians. Rod's songs are great, so if you happen to be around the area, come check it out on Saturday night!

I made it home just in time for dinner and a few quick phone calls before going to PACT. Afterwards I talked with Joe outside while checking out his car - It's nice to find someone that has almost the exact same car as me, and as soon as I get my garage space (which I actually should have gotten a couple weeks ago), I'll wash mine and make it as clean as his is right now. I'm a little short on sleep right now, but it's for a good cause - waking up early to go to church and practice for worship! It's been forever since I last played on Steph's team - so long that the whole experience of playing for worship at church actually felt a bit foreign. But after so many musical adventures yestserday and today, I've come to the conclusion once again that music truly has the power to touch my heart in a way that nothing else can. To be honest, my life in this past week has been quite selfish and mood-driven (usually in a bad way), but through playing music I'm really humbled by its beauty and I'm forced to slow down and think, and appreciate my life rather than always complain about it. I wish that in this coming week I can continue to let these songs minister to me and shape my attitude toward my life.

09/11: I know I'm starting to get used to my work schedule, cuz I didn't eat dinner until after 11PM and I actually didn't feel like I was starving. Of course, it might have been because I had a big lunch with Marcus at Banana Bay. We spent a few hours in the morning working on some music for an upcoming project (that I'll write more about after we make a little more progress), then had lunch together.

I kind of chose to starve myself for dinner though, since I only had about 15 minutes to go home and eat, but I sacrificed that time getting pictures of a Prowler. Come on, it was an Inca Gold one (second rarest color)! Of the nine colors produced, I've shot all of them except one (Candy Red). And of course, I need to catch a Woodward one (I already got a Black Tie). Speaking of cars, I met an incredibly nice owner of a Viper RT/10 (gen. 2) yesterday who saw me take out my camera and pulled over to let me take pictures, then took pictures of me with his car! I'm glad there are rich people in this world who like attention =).

Anyways, the third reason I waited until so late to eat dinner - after I finished tutoring, Clare was home and was in a talking mood, and I'm almost always in a talking mood =), so I stayed and we talked. We have so much to talk about - music, God, Taiwan, the list can go on forever... oh and our fear of spiders! I had to kill one that was on the couch =/. But it's only cuz if I didn't kill it, nobody else would have done it, and none of us wanted to sit there knowing a spider's gonna crawl over us at any moment.

Every time Thursday night comes, it seems like my work week is pretty much over, since Friday is such an easy day in comparison to the other days. This is my first week with a full teaching schedule, and I'm sure in these next couple weeks I'll get even more used to it. For now, things are going quite well. Actually, there was a pretty big bump in an otherwise smooth week a few days ago, but I'm gonna save that for another entry since I want some time to think things through first. For now, it's time to shut up and go to sleep!

09/07: Apparently Happy Crab House (formerly Life Plaza) actually has extremely good business now - Ken, Grace, and I decided to go there for lunch after church, and the place was packed like never before. A bunch of other church people came, but one group chickened out and went somewhere else while another group sat at a different table. Marcus eventually came to join us to fill the extra seat (since we only had three people). Of course, too many people at the restaurant means ridiculously slow service. But this time we didn't care, since we actually wanted to kill time so we could head straight over to Rachel's house. For those who didn't know, Rachel is going to Africa for a year! So today was her support raiser / barbecue party event. Ken volunteered himself to man the grill, and I spent most of the time there learning from him (it's about time I learn at least a little cooking, right?). And of course, we will all miss you very much, Rachel! We are definitely praying for you, and hope you have a great trip!

09/06: Just got back from eating at Garden Cafe after PACT. Several people commented that I’m really sunburned, and I think it’s a good thing. In fact, tomorrow morning when I wake up with insanely sore legs, I’ll still have nothing to complain about. I don’t even know how to begin describing my amazing day at Hing Wa Lee Plaza. It was, at the very least, phenomenal. Historic, if you will, considering how small Walnut is in the world of exotic cars. Of course, the “over 100 cars!” claim was not even close to true. But there were almost 50 cars present – almost double last year’s turnout. As usual, HWL’s meets differ from the major weekly meets in that they are not only smaller, but are much better quality-wise. The small parking lot means all the cars are close enough for photographers to have the fun of their lives without having to cover an impossibly large area. And the diverse selection of cars never ceases to amaze me. Today was no exception.

Yes, it’s partially advertised as a “Ferrari event”. No, there was no Enzo. But it was much more than the same occasional 360’s and 430’s that I’ve seen driving around Walnut. As planned, I was one of the first photographers to arrive, and even 40 minutes before the actual show started, HWL’s own fleet (Phantom, F430, F430 Spider) was already out on display, along with a Hamann F430, a Hamann 599 GTB Fiorano, and a Scuderia! Yep, my first time seeing a Scuderia, and it happens to be in my very own hometown. In fact, two Scuderias showed up, along with a Mondial, a 550 Maranello, a 612 Scaglietti, a rare classic 250 GT Lusso, and an equally rare 575 Superamerica. Fellow C-P members Ian and Rushi also came, and we were all amazed that anybody in Walnut could organize something so phenomenal. And I’ve only listed the Ferraris so far. Several familiar faces from last year’s show came again – the purple Diablo 6.0, now with new custom rims, and the mighty Carrera GT. New this year was a Nissan GT-R, Mercedes CLK63 Black Series, a classic MB 300SL Gullwing, a Clenet, a pair of orange Murcielagos, a Techart 997 GT Street cabrio, and an SLR McLaren with custom rims that somehow remind me a bit of Steffan Ericksson’s (illegal) SLR. Most of the cars came in groups, and they arrived at random times throughout the day, keeping us guests busy and entertained. With the exception of leaving to teach for half an hour, I was at the show for its entire duration – a good 4 to 5 hours. That’s right, it was so successful that it actually went past its expected ending time. The DJ already packed up his gear and took off, and still the parking lot was filled with exotic cars. I did make a quick 10-minute trip back home to reload my ammunition – after the first couple hours, my 2GB memory card was entirely filled, and I decided it was best to go home and upload everything on the computer first so I could go back and start over with 2 more gigs to fill. And those 2 gigs were just enough to cover the rest of the show. It sucks that videos take up so much memory, but when I edit and post my big compilation vid from today, I guarantee it will be worth it. I filmed just about every single car, either arriving at the parking lot, leaving the parking lot, or both. For now, I’ll leave you with a few pictures -

09/05: Just got back from hanging out with Steven and Chan-Mi in Chino Hills. We were supposed to go bowling, but Steven's phone was out of battery and we lost contact, and I was starting to get really worried about him when he called me back at like 11ish. It was a little too late to bowl, so we'll save that for another day (maybe next Thursday? =) ). But we figured since we finally reached each other, we might as well still hang out for a bit. So we went to Chino Hills where all the stores were already closed, and sat down and talked until right now (past 1AM). I really like this kind of hanging out - it doesn't cost anything except for time, and it's still plenty of fun.

Anyways, I really should be sleeping now, since tomorrow's the big day. The show starts at 11AM, but I'm aiming to get there at around 10, since I've learned from years of experience that it's always good to get to events like this early. Aside from having to leave for about half an hour to teach, I'll probably be there for as long as the show lasts. (It usually ends when all the rich people go home and the excitement dies down, so it's hard to set an exact time). I doubt it will actually reach the advertised 3PM time though, since these meets tend to end earlier than planned. But either way, it's gonna be lots of fun, and I'm totally looking forward to it.

09/05: After sending Carol to school, Mom and I went to a lamp repair shop in La Habra to get replacement cups for our dining room light (since two of them cracked =/ ). The owner of the small store looked exactly like I expected him to look after hearing his voice on the phone when I called yesterday. He was old and jolly, and always carried a smile as if every day was Christmas. He spoke to us as friends rather than customers, never ceasinig to make us feel welcome at his store. Not once did he attempt to advertise or get more business from us than we asked for. In fact, because he only had one of the cups we needed and it wasn't a perfect match, he let us take it home to try it first - without any payment - and said he will contact us when another one arrives. We left the store amazed, since we almost never encountered such a kind storeowner. This is America the Beautiful as we knew it when we first moved here. This is the America that makes countless people from all over the world envy us. But unfortunately, such an encounter is a rare sight nowadays, especially in places like California where most immigrants tend to stay. What has become of this country?

Anyways, I just felt a little inspired to share my experience, since it's not every day I leave a store looking forward to going back again simply to enjoy its loving atmosphere. On a totally separate note, I got home and logged onto ExoticsOnRoad for the latest update, and guess what I find on the front page (where only the four "best" cars get featured) - a Lamborghini Reventon, a Bugatti Veyron, a Porsche Carrera GT, and.... a SCION!! I literally laughed out loud, but it's partially out of excitement, since that Scion was the Fuse concept, and I was the photographer =). Who would have guessed that I could put a marque most commonly associated with affordable cars and rice rockets on the front page of one of the largest exotic car spotting websites in the world? Of course, it's always an honor to be the first to start new categories on these websites (I remember back when Car-Parazzi was in its first year, I was the only person that had pictures of a Ferrari 328!). Speaking of cars, tomorrow's the big day that I've been totally looking forward to. Several C-P members are coming to join me too, and it's very likely I'll be at the show the entire day, not feeling the need to stop and eat lunch. I'm still a little skeptical about the "Over 100 cars!" claim on the advertisement, but even if only 50 exotic cars show up, it's already gonna be a historic moment for Walnut. With that in mind, I better go get my camera charged up and ready to shoot!

09/04: Another late-night update - I guess it makes most sense to update at the end of the day, so I actually have stuff from earlier in the day to write about. Yesterday was Wednesday, and Wednesdays are my "easy" work days, meaning I finish at 6:00, early enough to make dinner plans or go home to eat with my family. I went to Judy's house, and we went to get dinner at Blue Agave. I'm normally not a big fan of Mexican food, but that plate of coconut shrimp wasn't bad at all =). Judy's going back to San Francisco for school soon, so God only knows when we'll get to hang out again =/. It's nice to know so many people from college, but it sucks that sometimes they can be so far away. Speaking of far away, yesterday I had a good excuse to call Ann - cuz it was her birthday! =) Its so weird that we met in Taiwan randomly and spent a week at the English camp, and now suddenly we're back in opposite ends of California living our own lives. I guess phone calls are as close as it gets until we have a chance to visit each other someday.

Today was my first "full day" of teaching this schoolyear (2:30 to 9:00 almost nonstop). To be honest, I've been stressing a lot more than I thought I would about work, mostly because there are so many different expectations for me and for all the students. Maybe I'm just slacking off too much and not taking things seriously enough. I need to spend a lot more time praying for myself and my students and their parents, and maybe also plan a little more about how to teach them, especially after they finish their homework from school. Today wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it to be though - first of all, I realized that my already awesome work schedule is even better than I thought. My only "long" (20-minute?) commute (from Walnut to Fullerton), which takes place at around 7:00, has been given about 10 minutes more than needed, and on that commute I just happen to pass right by my house, meaning I can stop by to grab something to eat before going to teach again. I ended up staying a lot longer than I expected, because of a little surprise - Clare was home, and so was Julia! I've known Clare since she was applying for college, and I met Julia at UCLA, then found out that they were best friends in high school. And tonight was the first time I saw them at the same place at the same time. So I stayed there and talked with them, then gave Julia a ride home (so Clare doesn't have to drive to Walnut and back to Fullerton), and now I'm home writing this entry. Tomorrow's gonna be an easy day, since I only teach for two hours on Friday. For now, I need to go get some sleep!

09/01: Late-night update. Tonight's fishing trip was a little more successful than last time - at least we got fish that were big enough to eat, but not enough of them to have a feast. The first time was quantity, now this time's quality, so maybe next time will be a mix of both? And even better, we have our very own sushi chef to tell us how to cook the fish! More on that later. I went to meet up with Steven at his house first, and had the honor of being the first non-family-member to ride in his brand new Civic Hybrid! From now on he has no excuse to complain about long drives or giving people rides =). We went to pick up Chan-Mi (who we later found out was a sushi chef!), and went to meet up with Harry Jason and Clarissa for dinner at In-N-Out. After learning from the last fishing trip, we decided to get fast food so we could start fishing earlier when the bigger fish were still awake. The fast food service was definitely nowhere near fast, but it gave us more time to hang out. Fast forward half an hour or so, and we're on the pier ready for a "Mack-Attack". Ray, Alex, and David also came to join us. It quickly became obvious that most of us had little or no experience in fishing - we had plenty of good laughs from watching each other learn how to cast, and the funniest catch of the night was when Alex caught a fish and was so excited about letting everyone take pictures of it that it somehow unhooked itself and fell back into the ocean. Aside from the presence of some "beverages", the night ended just like the previous one - waiting patiently until we all grew tired of waiting knowing all the fish probably went to sleep already, then packing up and going home. It feels weird to think that tomorrow morning when I wake up, it's gonna suddenly feel like an ordinary weekday, complete with work. But then again, if I can play hard during playtime and work hard during worktime, then what more can I ask for? =)

09/01: omgomgomgomgomg!!! I just got the latest email from Hing Wa Lee, and finally it's something that actually requires me to take action! Fellow car-spotters, check this out-

2008 Ferrari Timepieces Show
Saturday, 9/6/08, 11AM-3PM
HWL Plaza (Walnut)
Over 100 exotic cars (Chinese translation says "Over 100 Ferraris")

ONE HUNDRED CARS!! Are you kidding me? The entire parking lot doesn't even hold fifty cars! So does that mean there will be Ferraris in the underground parking lot, or will there be exotic cars spilling out across all the surrounding streets? At this point I'm trying to convince myself that the advertisement is an exaggeration - how the heck will anyone manage to get a hundred exotics to meet up together in Walnut without tapping into the Beverly Hills and/or Orange County clans? And if there's gonna be a hundred Ferraris, then is it a sin for me wish that at least one of them will be an Enzo? I've been to two of HWL's car meets last year - one was smaller but nowhere close to disappointing, and the other was simply phenomenal. I remember driving by the plaza on my way home from running some errands, only to discover a Skyline R34 GT-R and Murcielago, along with several other brightly colored vehicular objects. Those two cars alone lured me to make a U-turn and check out what the heck was going on. I spent the next several hours there, willingly sacrificing my lunchtime to enjoy what I believe was possibly the largest exotic car meet in the history of Walnut. I ran back and forth across the lot, taking pictures and videos as the cars came in and out, giving me new surprises every few minutes. Among them was a blue 2nd-generation Bentley Azure, a yellow Continental GTC, Murcielago, THREE Diablo 6.0's, Skyline GT-R, Silvia, Vanquish S, 575 Maranello, 360 Challenge Stradale, 911 (997) GT3 RS, Carrera GT, and SLR McLaren. Such a line-up is hard to imagine even in Beverly Hills, not to mention in a little city where exotics in general are almost impossible to find. After that day, I dreamed of another HWL meet, and after over 10 months of waiting, that day is finally coming. No matter how many cars actually show up, or whether or not they're only Ferraris, I trust HWL and know that this Saturday is going to be amazing. Go look up my YouTube video of last summer's meet and see for yourself. And if you happen to swing by HWL Plaza on Saturday, feel free to join me! =)