12/31: I find it extremely hard to believe that 2008 is already over. There has never been a single year in my life that I can look back on and feel more disappointed than blessed, and this past year has been no exception. It was definitely one of the more unpredictable years though. Having graduated from college with a music degree, I entered 2008 not knowing what God wanted me to do in terms of career. I knew only one thing – to trust Him and let Him lead the way. Having just experienced God in a very personal way at Winter Retreat, I was eager to seek His will and live the life He called me to live. And sure enough, He did not disappoint me. My first prayer was that God would provide me with a job that pays for my basic expenses while allowing me to have time to spend on building a strong relationship with Him, being home with my family, and exploring different possibilities in the music field. The very next morning, I received a phone call from a parent I didn’t even know saying she had two kids who needed tutoring two hours a day, five days a week. I accepted the job and began that very afternoon. About a week later, I prayed to God about another concern I had – If He was the one who called me to get a degree in music, why did He give me a job that had nothing to do with that field? Again, the answer came immediately. Uncle Samuel, a church friend who owns a recording studio, called me spontaneously and invited me to go to his studio every day and help him with projects while learning from him. Such hands-on experience with professional equipment is hard to obtain even among those who pay thousands of dollars to take recording classes. Even with both the tutoring job and the studio internship, I still had plenty of free time to spend with my family and friends. It was difficult for me to adjust to not being able to see my college friends on a daily basis, but my free weekend schedule allowed me to visit them at school every few weeks. I had always known that friendships didn’t happen for no reason, and when I returned to visit my college friends as a graduate, they were eager to know how my life had changed. I had many opportunities to testify through my own experiences that God constantly knows my needs and takes care of them when I seek His will.

The only real downside to my tutoring job was that when the students were on summer vacation, I had no income. But God opened the doors for me to another surprising and life-changing adventure. I decided to sign up for my church’s 3-week summer mission trip to Taiwan. Carol and I both went on the trip, and we stayed in Taiwan an extra week to visit our relatives. Even though we were both born in Taiwan, we hadn’t gone back for fifteen years. Meeting many friends from the mission trip gave me a growing interest in the culture I spent my childhood in, and reuniting with my relatives helped me reconnect with my past, especially the part of me that was lost when my dad passed away. I spent plenty of time with his side of the family, and it taught me many things about who I am that I couldn’t have learned through any other way.

Back at home in August, it was time to figure out what to do with my life next. And this time God gave me direction before I even asked for it. My students from the previous schoolyear called and asked me to continue tutoring them when school started. I told them I would do so until I actually found a full-time job, since I felt that I had too much free time that should be put to good use. To my surprise, I started receiving several more phone calls regarding tutoring from various people. When school started, I had so many students that I worked almost as much as a typical full-time office employee, and as a result my income was more than enough for my needs. And because I was self-employed in a field where the demand never seems to end, I didn’t have to worry even in the midst of the economic crisis. My schedule was so packed that I had to turn down some students because I didn’t have time. And I’m left with no doubt that God is still leading my every step like He always has been.

Winter break came, and I had the honor of being part of a missions concert tour in China with ClayMusic. With audiences of thousands, I had some of my most flattering experiences as a musician. But at the same time, the many restrictions we faced in China also led to some of the most humbling musical experiences. God used our team to lead hundreds of people to salvation, and even though I had to miss Christmas with my family for the first time, the outcome of our trip was well worth the sacrifice.

I just returned from China a few days ago, and already it’s time to welcome the new year. I find it a bit unfortunate that I don’t have all the time I want to think about this past year and prepare myself for the new year. But then again, I really wouldn’t know how to prepare myself. I welcomed 2008 not knowing what to expect, and as usual, it had its many ups and downs. Some struggles were conquered while others became more difficult. Some relationships became stronger while others grew distant. By letting God take control, the year was filled with adventures that I could have never predicted on my own. I know that as long as I continue to have faith, this new year will be no different. I don’t know how long I will keep my tutoring job, or where God will lead me with my music degree. I don’t know how much money I will make, or which people will make lasting impacts in my life. But I know for sure that God is in control, and that if I continue letting Him write my life stories, they will turn out far greater than I can ever dream of. With that in mind, I praise God for an incredible 2008 and look forward to the new stories He will write in my life in 2009.

12/30: China Journals

12/18 (Thu): First night in Fujian. The long hours spent traveling were extremely tiring, but thank God everything went smoothly. After the (uncomfortable) 15-hour flight to the Guangzhou airport, we waited another six hours to catch the flight to Fuzhou. The wait didn’t feel nearly as long as it actually was, probably because we bought plenty of snacks and we were simply excited to be in China. At Fuzhou, we met with the church officials and were driven to the Union Nation Hotel, where we’ll be spending the next three nights. Throughout the day, little memories from the previous trip (in 2006) began to come bak to me, and they make me increasingly excited to be here again. Just like last time, we were treated to an elaborate dinner featuring some of Fuzhou’s best dishes. After dinner we spent some time as a team sharing and praying. I realized that many of our team members had to make big sacrifices to be here, and that some of us had received clear signs from God telling them to come. When it was my turn to share, I didn’t really know what to say, but the words came to me just in time. After the last trip, I came to the conclusion that God uses mission trips to benefit not only those being served, but also the very people going on the trip. And I believe this trip will be no exception. I’m sure there will be many things that don’t go as we planned. But that’s a good thing, because God’s plan is so much greater than our own. I pray for a spirit of humility as we continue to work as a team and allow God to work through us.

12/19 (Fri): A good night’s sleep and a fancy breakfast buffet was followed by a visit to the nearby seminary school. We met some of its leaders, and visited the land recently purchased by the school to build a new, much larger facility. Lunch was what has by now become a typical meal for us – great food combined with the fear of getting poisoned and the awkwardness of knowing that some of the “church officials” eating with us are actually spies. We had a few hours to rest at the hotel, during which I talked with Alun and listened to some music, getting us hyped up for the next event in our schedule – our first concert.

Let’s just say that I was completely right when I suggested many times that we all keep in mind that things will not always go as we planned in China. Even though the church we performed at was recently built, their equipment was not nearly as nice, and our own gear didn’t help too much either. The drum set there is pretty much a toy, and the church had no amps. Uncle Samuel found out that his mixer board had been damaged during the flight and could no longer be used. Dan’s power supply for his guitar pedal blew out, and the guitar the church let him borrow wasn’t even strung properly, and at the end he had to walk across the street to buy an amp at the nearby music store half an hour before the concert began. There were lots of unexpected disappointments, but at the end I’m extremely thankful for what we have been able to accomplish. As the disappointments hit us one by one as we were setting up, we were really not sure how the concert would even still be possible. But in the end all of us were able to play our intended roles, and the performance wasn’t all that bad. Considering how much trouble we went through, the way the concert turned out was a miracle, and for that I praise God.

Tomorrow will have many new surprises. Things have already changed dramatically in our tour schedule. We’re checking out of this hotel tomorrow morning – a day earlier than planned. One of our planned concerts has been cancelled by the government due to legal issues. Who knows what else will shake up our plans? But we know that it is all in God’s hands, and the best thing for us to do is continue to trust Him as He leads the way.

12/20 (Sat): I’m at a communist military base right now. I’m not even joking. In fact, we’ll be spending the night here. First we got kicked out of the hotel we originally stayed at because it had already been booked for some kind of seminar, then we found out that our new “hotel” is pretty much a dormitory belonging to Fuzhou’s navy training center. Andrew has already been removed from the facility, simply because he’s black and the place doesn’t welcome foreigners. He’s spending the night with one of the pastors, and I’m not sure if I should feel sorry for him or envy him. Either way, I’m glad we’re only here for one night.

Aside from this, everything else today went great – another breakfast buffet, an amazing lunch banquet with six soups and at least twenty dishes, and a great concert at night. The church wasn’t nearly as big as last night’s, but they had very good stage equipment that made us all quite content. Add to that an audience of at least a couple thousand people, and it’s really an experience to die for. There’s nothing like looking down from the stage and seeing heads in every place where heads can fit, and it was quite fun being stormed by a bunch of people asking for pictures and autographs. But ultimately I give all the glory for God, because knowing how churches are in China, it’s pretty much impossible to accomplish something like this on our own. Many people accepted Christ, and even though it’s unlikely that our upcoming concerts will also turn out this smoothly, I know that this is only the beginning of what God will do in the churches at Fujian through our trip. For now, I pray for a good night’s sleep and look forward to getting out of this navy base tomorrow.

12/21 (Sun): Waking up at 7AM for an early morning concert wasn’t fun, especially when we actually had to fake most of the music because the church’s equipment wasn’t sufficient for a live performance. Most of us didn’t like the idea of faking our parts, but looking back at it now, every one of us is somewhat glad we did it rather than canceling the program completely. It was the first time anyone from America came to serve at that church, and the people were truly blessed. The church was extremely packed; people were standing in the hallways and even climbing on windowsills to see past the crowd. Our “faking” turned out surprisingly realistic, so we actually had fun too. And we received another round of celebrity-status greetings on our way out.

We went back to our “base” to grab our belongings and finally moved out. Then we enjoyed another fancy banquet for lunch. The rest of the day was spent on a three-hour car and boat ride. Now we’re at the island of Pingtan, where we’ll have three concerts – one tomorrow morning and two on Tuesday. Right now I’m with a few of our team members checking out the church we’ll serve at tomorrow. Let’s just say the place isn’t exactly up to date on technology – the half-hour drive there consisted almost entirely of pitch-black village streets surrounded by stone houses and farmland, and will be hard to even locate a Powerpoint projector to use tomorrow morning, not to mention hold a full concert. It didn’t take us long to decide that tomorrow’s concert will consist of no instruments at all – not even faking, since it’s pretty much pointless to import a drum set from somewhere far away and go through the trouble of setting it up simply for Alun to pretend he’s actually playing. It’s kind of disappointing for us instrumentalists, especially since we still have to show up early in the morning with the rest of the group. But it only makes sense that we work as a team, no matter what our roles are. And I really look forward to once again seeing people – even a bunch of old farmers with nothing to do on a Monday morning – pour their hearts out to God.

12/22 (Mon): Apparently my jetlag is worse than I thought – I woke up extremely early in the morning, and in the afternoon I was tired like no other. I guess getting up at 7AM for a concert isn’t all that bad after all. Not that my opinion really matters, since we have another early morning concert tomorrow. Today’s concert went quite well considering how inadequate the sound system was. And for us unemployed instrumentalists, it was nice to experience the concert offstage, whether it was through helping Uncle Samuel with sound, taking pictures, or simply being a part of the audience. There were plenty of major technical glitches that made us quite frustrated, but to the people it really didn’t matter. In such a rural community, most people have probably never hreard “modern” church music or clapped and danced during worship. Many watched with confused and curious eyes while others joined the action. From the window of the sanctuary we could see a beautiful new church being built in the distance. Even though most people at the church are poor, they have donated enough money to build a new church better than the current one in every way possible. By this time next year it should be done, and I really wish we’ll have a chance to come back and bless the people again.

Lunch was another fancy banquet – the table was so large that there were goldfish swimming in a bowl in the middle. What did those fish do to deserve being spun around in circles over and over again while a bunch of people sit around them and eat? At least didn’t end up in our stomachs like all the other fish on the table. We had some time to meet and pray after lunch, followed by some time to rest. It wasn’t enough time to really sleep, but a little nap definitely helped, especially when I was feeling the jetlag like never before. We went to visit a couple more churches in Pingtan, then enjoyed a dinner no smaller than our lunch. It’s the end of another busy day, and it’s time to catch up on my desperately needed sleep. Tomorrow will be our busiest day so far, with one concert in the morning and another at night. Today we already surveyed both facilities, and so far it seems like the morning concert will be “faked” while the evening one will be live. After Sunday’s concert I’m not all that turned off by the idea of faking anymore (at least not in this country), but I’m definitely hoping for a live show at night. It’s been tough for the whole team to accept the fact that we’re unable to exercise our full potentials due to technical limits, and I pray that tomorrow things will be able to go smoothly as planned.

12/23 (Tue): Probably the most fulfilling day of the trip so far. As my jetlag continued to kick in, I found it difficult to sleep last night despite being so tired. But having two concerts made me wide awake throughout the day. I tend to feed off the excitement of the audience during a performance, despite still having a bit of stage fright. But somehow I found it easier to over come that fright in China, because I understand the hearts of the people well enough to know for sure that they will respond positively. And besides, the pianos are never actually on the stage anyway. The morning concert was faked, with an audience similar in size and social status to yesterday’s. We had another big lunch, followed by our daily devotional time and a couple hours to rest. Thanks to our hosts, we finally got hooked up with some instant coffee packets, something that many of us have been desperately craving (since this hotel doesn’t have coffee at breakfast). Excited by the coffee and eager to perform at night, I decided to sacrifice my nap time to join Uncle Samuel to go set up equipment at the church.

Before getting into the concert, let me mention that this church is not only the largest of the three we performed at in Pingtan, but the concert is also the only nighttime event, meaning students are out of school and most parents are off work. Setting up the sound system was a tedious procedure compared to what we did at previous events. But it wasn’t because the equipment sucked. Rather it was because it was actually good enough to do much more than what it could do with its existing setup. Other than the fact that the piano (there was no digital keyboard) was at its typical location in a corner offstage, everything was pretty much perfect. A brand new mixer board, great speakers, an amazing lighting system, and excellent stage equipment kept everyone satisfied.

After a quick soundcheck, we were treated to a simple dinner consisting of bread and boba. Of course, the boba was a pleasant surprise, especially since the tea was hot, making it perfect for the cold island weather. We went back to the main meeting room about an hour before the concert started, and already the place was filled, with over a thousand people eagerly awaiting the performance. After a couple songs, an announcement had to be made for people to clear the doorway to avoid being a fire hazard. Of course, they didn’t listen. Every corner of the room was packed. Many stood outside in the cold so they could see the stage. The overflow room, connected through television screens, was nearly filled too. Each time I looked over the piano lid and saw the countless people around us, it made me more excited to make this concert a special one.

And special it was. Rewind back to the last ClayMusic China tour in 2006. We had scheduled a big concert in Pingtan, but due to a storm, the event was cancelled the previous night because it was unsafe to board the ferry. The people didn’t give up though; they decided to show up at the church anyway, and when we heard the news that there were a couple thousand people waiting eagerly to see us, we broke into tears because there was nothing we could do to change the situation. Perhaps God didn’t think it was the right timing. And now, two and a half years later, we have finally achieved that dream that had been left unfulfilled all this time.

In addition, this was also the first real live performance since Saturday. After three concerts in a row where the sound equipment didn’t allow a live band, things finally turned around. Next time you want to make a group of musicians perform passionately, try putting them through a bunch of tedious rehearsals to perfect a performance then forcing them to stand on stage for several shows and fake their parts while a CD plays in the background. When you starve us long enough, we’ll eat whatever we can and make the most out of it. After so many “fake” shows, we finally got to play for real, and that freedom made us give it our all. At the end, we actually had to decide not to play an instrumental jam session as people are leaving, because doing so would make the fire hazard even worse. I don’t think I’ve ever been asked to take so many pictures and sign so many autographs before, and the rest of us probably got mobbed even more badly, since they were actually on the stage where everyone could see them play. Some people even asked me to sign their Bibles. I didn’t exactly feel comfortable doing something so holy, but it serves as a reminder to me that we have helped the people get a deeper glimpse of God’s love. I’ve always believed that to an extent, being idolized as a Christian artist can be beneficial, because it gives us the respect that is increasingly hard to earn with today’s youth, and with respect comes open hearts that are eager to see God through us. Having seen many of the most famous Christian artists perform, I know that this is true, and I consider it a great privilege and blessing to have the opportunity to share my life and music with people who have such open hearts.

Tonight’s concert leaves me feeling like we just finished some kind of Grand Finale. But of course, the trip is not over yet. Tomorrow morning we’ll leave Pingtan and take the ferry to Fuqing, where we’ll have the honor of performing on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I praise God for such a successful series of concerts here in Pingtan, and pray that He will continue to keep us humble and willing to follow Him as He leads the way.

12/24 (Wed): Christmas Eve. One of very few things that made me hesitate about joining this trip was having to miss Christmas at home. I do miss home a lot, and I would love to be able to spend this night with my family. Each year I’m reminded that Christmas is more about Jesus’ birth than about me enjoying the holiday season, but I always found it hard to not get carried away by all the presents under the Christmas tree. This year the situation is very different – Here I am, in communist China, where Christmas doesn’t really feel “Christmasy” at all. But there’s really no better way to celebrate the holiday here than to perform in front of about four thousand people, proclaiming Jesus’ love through our music and our testimonies. We left Pingtan after breakfast and came to Fuqing, where we checked in to our hotel and were treated to another fancy lunch. After an hour of rest, I went with Alun and Uncle Samuel to set up at the church we were going to perform at. This church definitely holds lots of memories for me – during the last trip, we had the honor of not only holding a concert at night, but also performing the following morning, afternoon, and night. Because we spent so much time there, I got to meet several people and kept in touch with them for a while. The people were very receptive, especially since they became increasingly comfortable with us after so many sessions. But unfortunately the last concert there ended with the sound system blowing out halfway through a song, forcing us to stop the program. This time, we did everything we could to prevent such a disaster from happening again. Just like last night, we were able to have a live concert, and people filled the building long before the program started. Around 70 people accept Christ – What a blessing it must be to experience freedom in Christ for the first time on Christmas eve! And what an honor it is for us to have a chance to proclaim such good news to so many people!

And of course, being at a familiar church means seeing some familiar faces. I got to see Amy and Sherry, who I met when I came here two years ago. They both recognized me and still remembered me, and we got to spend a little time catching up. Amy joined the pastor and our team for a late-night dinner after the concert. And the best thing is that we didn’t exactly have to say goodbye yet, since we’re doing another concert at the same church tomorrow morning and will also be attending their Christmas program at night. I’m quite sure it’s already late at night right now, and tomorrow morning we’ll leave for the church at 8AM, meaning we’ll have to wake up ridiculously early again. But some how I’m really looking forward to it.

12/25 (Thu): A quick phone call home, some waitresses wearing Santa hats, and a few familiar holiday tunes put on repeat a million times at restaurants made it feel like Christmas, even here in China. Other than that, it was an ordinary weekday. People went to school and work, and only at the churches do special events take place to celebrate Christmas. It’s crazy that the church in Fuqing was filled with people at 8:30 in the morning on a weekday, and I wasn’t completely awake until I found myself at the piano again for another concert. The songs were pretty much the same as last night’s, and about half the audience had already heard us then. But still it was a great success, and many more people decided to give their lives to Jesus on this very special day. There’s no better way to conquer stage fright than to play knowing there are several people standing within elbowing distance with cameras filming my every move. (As usual, the piano is off stage, meaning I’m among the audience and they can see every little thing I do). I saw Amy again, and after taking a few pictures, I gave her my room number at the Golden Eagle Hotel so she could call me, since we had no plans for the afternoon. After another big lunch, we had a good three hours to rest. Honestly, I didn’t crave a nap all that much, since it would make it even harder for me to sleep well at night. I rested for about an hour and a half, then Amy’s call came. Everyone else was sleeping, and I decided to treat myself to a little Christmas Day adventure around Fuqing. I met Amy downstairs in the lobby, and we enjoyed a ride on her scooter down the block to a big market across the street, then we went to the kindergarten she teaches at just in time for her to instruct a 45-minute dance class. The kids were adorable, and I got to play a few well-known tunes on the piano for them while they sang along. Amy dropped me off at the hotel just in time for me to catch our team’s daily devotional time (we meet at a different time every day, and today we decided to meet in the evening so people could rest first). Nobody knew I left the hotel, but I returned filled with excitement from such a fun adventure and a chance to see China outside the church.

Dinner was a pleasant surprise – we took a break from our usual fancy banquets and ate at a modern western-style restaurant. The banquets have always been amazing, but after having similar foods every day for a whole week, we began to crave a change. Because of traditional Chinese culture (and some government expectations), it is only natural for our hosts at each city to treat us to high-class dining experiences. But tonight we were given a little more freedom, and it left us all very satisfied. After a short walk down a small street filled with shops, we arrived at the church in time to join their Christmas celebration program. Amy was one of the hosts, and she also performed a couple ClayMusic songs with a team of dancers. Sherry teaches a group of kids at church, and they also performed a dance. The great variety of singing, dancing, and many other performances made it an extremely festive night.

The only disappointment about tonight was that the fun eventually had to come to an end. I got to spend a little time talking to Amy, Sherry, Shia-Shing, and several others, and we exchanged contact information and took lots of pictures. This is one of those times when I really wish that I’m not on a tour, or at least that I can have the freedom to control my own schedule and not be rushed back on the bus to leave. I’d love to spend all night hanging out at the church with all the people there, but of course, my only option is to go home and practice my Chinese so I can talk with them online. Hopefully they can understand traditional Chinese, since I’m finally doing a decent job of writing emails after meeting friends in Taiwan in the summer. Tomorrow morning we’ll leave Fuqing for Quanzhou, the last destination of this tour. I find it hard to believe that we only have a few days left in China. A part of me really misses home, but a part of me is slowly becoming more and more attached to this place. So far, every city we went to in Fujian has been a unique and exciting adventure. With that in mind, I look forward to what surprises God has in store for us in Quanzhou.

12/26 (Fri): Another day, another concert. I realized that even though I’ve played in countless concerts with ClayMusic and other groups, this is my first time really getting the full experience of a “tour life” – constant traveling from place to place, going through the routine of setting up and performing, meeting lots of different people, and leaving in a hurry to make the most of our precious sleep time. In a way, I really love this kind of life – that is, at least for now, since it’s still all fresh and exciting to me. I don’t know where God will lead me in the future with my music degree, but for now I’m definitely in the right place. In a single week, we’ve performed for over 10,000 people, and God used us to lead hundreds to salvation and encourage many more to recommit their lives to Him.

We arrived in Quanzhou, the last of the four cities of this tour, at around lunchtime. Long car rides always leave us feeling tired, and it didn’t help that we had no time to rest in the afternoon. Lunch at a Buddhist restaurant was quite a surprise – of course, it wasn’t our choice (and we can’t blame our hosts either, because the relationship between us, the churches, and the government is extremely complicated), and the more spiritually sensitive people in our group realized the need to pray. We all prayed four ourselves, for each other, and for the cleansing of our hotel rooms, and we continue to ask God to watch over us, since this place is definitely a little more twisted than the other places we’ve visited.

The ride from our hotel to the church we were going to perform at was another 45 minutes, and thank God we decided to go there early, because lots of complications arose, from missing power cables to a piece-of-crap mixer board to a keyboard stand that I broke simply by leaning on it. (And somehow it’s supposed to hold up an 88-key keyboard!?) At least they actually had a full-size keyboard, meaning I got to be on the stage with everyone else. The church was just built recently, and is one of the most beautiful church buildings I’ve ever seen. Too bad the good architects in China aren’t friends with the good sound engineers. Like most of the other churches we’ve visited, the incredible building was accompanied by a surprisingly weak sound system and a lack of even the most basic equipment, not because they don’t care or have no money, but because nobody there knows anything about audio engineering. And even when expensive equipment appears, nobody knows how to use it properly or keep it in good condition over time. Fortunately, with Uncle Samuel’s help, everything still worked out well at the end, and we were able to hold a live concert. About 500 to 600 people came – enough to fill almost all the seats, but nothing like the last few concerts we had. I’ll admit that I’ve been a bit spoiled by the floods of thousands of people that we saw in Fuzhou, Pingtan, and Fuqing, and it took a little while to readjust to a “small” audience.

I remember this morning during our devotional time, we were reminded of the importance of teamwork – each of us has a unique and crucial role on this trip, but in the end God plays the ultimate role in determining the outcome. Even though tonight’s audience was smaller, the concert was by no means disappointing. People were blessed by our program, and many gave their lives to God. Isn’t that exactly what we’re here for? Tomorrow night’s concert will be at a church that I still remember from the last trip, and if it’s anything like our concert there two years ago, the audience is going to be one of the largest on this trip.

I find it hard to believe that after finally having adjusted to “tour life”, we will be playing our last show tomorrow. On Sunday we’ll fly home, and even though our hosts are trying their hardest to squeeze in another event that morning, chances are it will either not use a live band or it won’t happen at all, since Dan’s flight is in the morning (he’s going to Taiwan) and Uncle Samuel won’t have enough time to pack up his equipment in time for the rest of us to go to the airport. Besides, we prefer to stay as a group and had planned to go to the airport early with Dan and wait there for a couple hours. Of course, the decision is in God’s hands, so I’ll just wait and see what happens. As all of us have learned countless times on this trip, things are not always in our own control, and we always need to be flexible. The best thing for me to do is to take things one day at a time. Tomorrow’s the first day on the trip when we actually get to sleep in – we neither have a morning concert nor have to move out of the hotel. Being well rested will help us all have more energy, and regardless of whether or not tomorrow night’s concert will be our last, I look forward to letting God continue His work in us and through us on our last full day here in China.

12/27 (Sat): I don’t know how to begin this entry. This is it – the end of our trip, the end of our last concert. Tomorrow morning’s event will be a very short program consisting of only vocals and tracks (no instruments), to keep things as simple as possible, since we have very limited time to set up and pack at the end before leaving for the airport. Even though many of us are not actually “participating” in tomorrow’s concert, we are still united in one spirit, as we have been throughout this trip. But for us four instrumentalists constantly craving some fun on stage, tonight was our Grand Finale. And surely enough, tonight’s performance was good enough to serve as a strong conclusion to this amazing series of adventures.

Even though I’ve been to the church before and remember it for its incredible size and beautiful design, I was no less amazed today seeing it for the second time. The place is friggin’ huge, and if it weren’t for the big red cross in the middle of the stage, the three-story hall could easily be mistaken for an opera house or some other high-class concert hall. And to our great surprise, the people who designed it were actually knowledgeable about acoustics – definitely a first among all the places we’ve been to on this trip. The acoustics were amazing for such a large hall, and almost all the sound equipment, both on stage and off stage, was far better than we could have asked for. I not only got to play on a shiny, good-as-new grand piano that was perfectly in tune, but the church even volunteered to move it for me from its typical (awkward) location so I could be right by the stage in the front. The speaker and monitor setup was nearly perfect, and the church not only presented us all the equipment we needed, but even had people specially in charge of cleaning the stage, professionally filming the event, and ushering the several thousand people who came. About sixty or seventy gave their lives to Christ. The church was located on a busy street, and many passersby came in to admire the building and take pictures throughout the day. While soundchecking, Andrew and I talked to a group of girls who stepped into the church simply because they were bored. They had never gone to church before and knew nothing about the concert, but when we invited them to come, they all showed up. In fact, they all showed up an hour early. I didn’t get a chance to talk to them afterwards, but who knows what God may have done to touch their hearts tonight?

This morning our team had our last daily devotional as a group. Because we had no plans before lunch, we spent a lot of time sharing about our individual experiences on this trip. I shared about several of the things I learned and experienced, and will right them all down when I have time. For now, it’s time to get some sleep, since we have to wake up very early tomorrow morning to go to church for our last event. May God continue to work through us as He has been throughout this trip, so that we may work to give Him glory all the way to the end.

12/28 (Sun): On the plane flying to the Guangzhou airport before transferring flights back to LA. This morning’s concert was at a small church, and the program consisted of only a few songs. The pastor gave us the choice of whether or not to hold an altar call. We did, despite the small audience, the short program, and the fact that most people who walk into church on Sunday morning are already Christians. The first minute of the altar call consisted of awkward silence. Then suddenly a girl stood up and walked to the stage to give her life to Christ. What courage it must have taken for her to take the stand in front of so many people, most of which are a generation or two older than her! And what a glorious freedom she must have experienced at that moment!

We enjoyed a quick lunch before grabbing our luggage at the hotel and leaving for the airport. The first flight was slightly delayed but because there’s a three-hour wait at Guangzhou for our transferring flight, it doesn’t really make a difference. As the plane took off, I looked out the window, and for a moment it felt as if I was suddenly closer to all the places we’ve visited in this past week and a half. Then suddenly we soared above the thick layer of clouds, and everything vanished into a sea of whiteness. Many memories flashed across my mind, along with many thoughts, feelings, and reflections. But I will save those things for the much longer flight back to LA.

At first, it may seem a bit disappointing to realize that the last of our eleven concerts was so small and that only one person accepted Christ. But the more I think about it, the more it’s starting to make sense. It simply wouldn’t be right for us to end our tour glamorously when God has been teaching us all this time to be humble and flexible. On this trip we’ve gone through times when we felt extremely humbled, and we’ve gone through time when we felt extremely flattered. We faced many times when we hesitated to hold a concert that didn’t meet our expectations, and in the end we were always glad we did. When the girl stood up this morning to give her life to God, there must have been countless angels in heaven celebrating. And her decision leaves all of us assured that this has been a highly successful trip not only because our performances were great, but because God has used us all the way up to the very end. In the end, He’s the one that deserves all the glory, and I pray that He will continue the amazing work that He has started in the churches, in the people of Fujian, and in our lives.

12/29: I'm back!! =) The China trip has been one heck of an amazing adventure. I kept a daily journal during the trip and will post it here when I have time to type it all out. And of course, I'll post a final reflections entry. For now, there's a bunch of people I need to call and catch up with. And I also need to get over this jetlag that keeps me from sleeping at night and makes me want to sleep when I shouldn't. (If anyone wants to hang out this week and give me something fun to look forward to, it will help me get over my jetlag a lot more quickly =) ). Anyways, for those who are wondering, the trip was highly successful both as a mission trip and as a concert tour. Every one of us is very glad that we were part of it. But I'll save the details for later! =)

12/16: Everything is packed and ready. A few short hours later, I will go finish one last round of tutoring, then come back home, eat dinner, grab my stuff, and leave. For those who don’t know, I’m joining ClayMusic for another concert tour / mission trip in China. Just like on the last tour (July 2006), we will be going to various cities the province of Fujian. This trip will last until December 28 (Sunday), and we will be revisiting several of the places we went to and performed at during the last tour.

I just reread the entry I wrote after the last trip to Fujian (Thoughts from the Sky: Reflections on China , 09/04/2006), and it brought back many memories that make me increasingly eager to be there again. But I will not allow those memories to shape my current expectations. Churches in China run very differently from churches here, and there will always be things that don’t go according to our plans. Just like on the last trip, I’m going on this trip with an open mind, not only because I don’t want to be disappointed, but also because I want to allow God to do His work through us without my selfishness getting in the way. Even though there are many opposing opinions about China’s culture and government, there is one thing I know for sure – people there need God, and their unquenchable desire to get a glimpse of God’s love is something I need to learn. As with every mission trip, this trip will benefit not only the people in China, but also our own team. And even though I don’t know what to expect in this next week and a half, I know for sure that I will come back with a new attitude toward life, toward people, and toward God.

The more I think about it, the more excited I am for this trip. Sure, there are many things that I don’t particularly look forward to – dirty hotels, unsanitary bathrooms, and potentially harmful food, among many others. But on the previous trip, the valuable experiences we gained clearly overshadowed all the inconveniences we had to face, and I know that this trip will be no different. Of course, our success in letting God work through us will not be possible without all the people supporting us in prayer, whether in China or here in America. Please pray for the safety and smoothness of our travels, whether in the air or on the road. Please pray for our health, as it is extremely easy to get sick with the unpredictable weather and the unsanitary food. Please pray for our spiritual well-being, that we can humble ourselves and allow God to lead us as a team, and not forget that our trip is much more than a vacation or a concert tour. I know without doubt that God will do amazing things in this next week and a half, and with that in mind I look forward to being a part of His work in China.

12/15: It's amazing how well I know myself - I woke up this morning about an hour later than I planned to, and suddenly found myself going "crap, I'm leaving tomorrow and need to start packing!" So that's what I did. Then I called Chan-Mi to say Happy Birthday, and we had lunch at Foo Foo Tie. Traffic wasn't exactly smooth, but I made it home just in time to grab my stuff for another round of tutoring. I was totally right in thinking that the reality of me about to leave the country wouldn't hit me until these few days. I guess it's because last week I had other things to worry about first. Saturday revolved around Coffeehouse, which turned out very well. Rod, Quinn, and I met up a little earlier to practice, and we even had time to grab some In-N-Out for dinner. Speaking of Coffeehouse, go to YouTube to watch the latest burst of creativity from MC Shaw =).

I left Coffeehouse right when it ended, since I had to get to church early on Sunday for worship practice with Peter's team. 8AM is quite early, but compared to the intense practices of the Chinese worship teams, this leaves me nothing to complain about. After service Ken Steph(Lin) Vanessa and I had lunch at Happy Crab House. A Diablo 6.0, Quattroporte, Lorinser CL, and GT-R in the parking lot made me extremely surprised. I guess that wraps up my car-spotting adventures for a while, since I don't expect to see anything nice in the rain, and it's gonna rain until after I leave tomorrow. After lunch, I had some time to rest, then went back to church for the final ClayMusic rehearsal for the China trip. Then went home for our weekly family prayer time. Then Carol, Howard, Steph, Ben, and I met up for our first Secret Santa party! It turned out so much fun that we've already decided to do it again next year. And if none of us have to leave the country during Winter Break, we can actually do it closer to Christmas! It's feeling more and more like Christmas every day. I'm really wondering if Christmas in China will actually feel like Christmas. For now, all I know is that it has finally hit me that it's almost time for the trip. At church there were so many people to say bye to, and just a few minutes ago I was saying bye to a bunch of friends online. Thanks everyone for showing me that you care =). It's always a great feeling to know that people remember me even when I'm gone. Please keep our team in your prayers. I'll write more about the trip tomorrow before I leave. For now, I need to finish up some more packing and go to sleep!

12/12: Just got home after an awesome night of hanging out with Judy. We had Pho for dinner, got Starbucks, and watched The Day The Earth Stood Still. Other highlights of the week include another episode of Hot Cocoa night with Chan-Mi on Monday, dinner (at Chick-fil-A) with Grace and Taryn on Wednesday, and a couple Christmas shopping trips with Mom. Speaking of Christmas, Judy showed me an amazing display of Christmas lights near her house. It was so nice that after I left her house, I went back there again and walked around for a little bit just to breathe in the spirit of Christmas. Even though I've been so busy these days that I still have trouble telling myself that I'm leaving for China soon, somehow in those couple minutes it really felt like Christmas - the cool breeze, the beautiful lights, the feeling of relaxation... I guess I'm not completely missing out on Christmas this year after all. All the little holiday celebrations are just one-time events, but in the end it's that overall December feeling that tells me it's Christmastime, and right now that feeling is definitely here =).

12/07: Sunday night. An extremely, extremely exhausting day. I spent about 10 hours at church, from worship practice at 7AM(!) to rehearsing for the China trip in the afternoon. The trip is coming up a lot more quickly than it seems, and it probably won't completely hit me that I'm leaving the country until the day I leave. There's definitely a lot I need to do before I leave, and I'm expecting this last week and a half to be extremely busy. Everyone is back home from school during winter break, and there are so many people I want to spend time with. But of course, I'll be gone until almost the end of the year. So if you're free and want to hang out before I leave, please let me know soon =). And for people who still have finals, good luck!!

One more thing - Coffeehouse is this Saturday night! Yes, Rod Smith will be performing, meaning I'll be playing with him =). It's gonna be an awesome night of music, dance, art, snacks, and much more. Worship service starts at 7PM, and the Coffeehouse starts at 8PM. Let me know if you want to come! =). Alright, I'll shut up now. Bye!

12/06: Saturday evening. Unsurprisingly, the internet connection at home has failed me again. So rather than allowing myself to keep thinking about it and get overly frustrated, I'm gonna kill time by writing this entry, so that when I get back online I can upload it. It's been quite an exciting week - I not only got to catch up on sleep, but also had plenty of fun outside of work. Monday - went to Denny's with Chan-Mi again. There's probably only one (or two) more "Hot Cocoa Times" this year, and so far we've definitely made the most out of every meeting. Tuesday - spontaneously went to Grace's house to hang out after work. As usual, she brings out the extremely random side of me, and when that happens our conversations can go on forever. Thursday - Spent the morning with ClayMusic at the KSCI TV studio! Some of you may recall seeing the group perform on Chinese TV (Channel 18) at the end of last year. We're gonna be on TV again, and this time I'm actually in it =). Got to meet the host Juliette (Zhuo Lei) and took a quick tour of the office. If any of the pictures we took somehow make it to me, then I'll definitely post them. Afterwards those of us who were free had lunch at Tasty Garden in Alhambra, and I made it to work just in time. Friday(yesterday)- Had lunch with Ken, fresh out of his GMAT. We went to Garden Cafe, then he came over to chill until I had to go to work. At night I had dinner with my family for Grandma's birthday. I ran into Christina(Cheung) at the same resturant =). What are the chances? The rest of the night was spent at home on the phone with May, who I haven't talked to in the longest time. It was great to get to catch up again!

Earlier today I took my car to get serviced. According to the little sticker on the windshield, the service is almost a whole month overdue, even though I haven't reached the mileage yet. To my surprise, the service rep simply told me the car was fine and that I didn't need to get it serviced until February. I'm glad that in these budget-conscious times people are still willing to be honest and allow me to save some money. Since I was already outside, I decided to go for a little drive, and to make a long story short, I ended up catching an NSX, an F430 with custom rims, and a green TechArt Porsche 997 Turbo. Earlier this week I also caught the white R8 that I've been searching for, and I also got to check out a local car meet. It consists of mostly ricers, but some exotics are likely to show up once in a while, so it's definitely worth investing my time in.

Anyways, I think I'm out of ideas on what else to write. I've been staring at pictures of that green TechArt for a long time already and it's simply impossible to get sick of it. If my internet connection won't get its act together soon, I guess I'll spend the rest of the evening staring at it. And to be honest, I really don't mind =).

11/30: The last entry of the month, and the first entry this Thanksgiving weekend, since I’ve been so incredibly busy that I literally did not have time to write until now (Sunday late night). I’m only still awake because I drank a little water not too long ago, and I don’t want to take any risk of having to wake up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. The one thing I can ask for right now is a good night’s sleep that doesn’t involve not being able to fall asleep at night, waking up in the middle of the night, or being forced to wake up early in the morning. I haven’t been able to sleep well for several days, due to a combination of those three things that occurred far more times than necessary. But most of the reasons I couldn’t fall asleep at night was the excitement of looking forward to having more fun, and waking up early every morning was definitely for good causes. With that said, here’s a summary of this incredible 4-day weekend.

Thursday - Thanksgiving Day. Most of the day was spent relaxing and preparing for the big dinner. We had turkey, ham, several other great dishes, and various beverages. Fortunately, there were no major accidents this year, such as the tablecloth catching on fire. And of course, there were (and still are) plenty of leftovers that will probably last for another few days.

Friday – Mom left for New York (with ClayMusic) early in the morning and had to wake up at around 3AM. She probably got up not long after I fell asleep, since I was on the phone until around that time too. That, plus the excitement of a day of fun ahead of me, made me a little sleep-deprived. Ken came to pick me up in the morning, then we went to pick up Steph(Lin), then Clara, and that’s when we found out that Clara’s family won some kind or raffle thingy and ended up getting a free rental Bouncer on their lawn. So being the mature people we are, we decided to hop inside and have some fun. Pictures coming soon. Then came the drive down to Torrance. Destination: Japanese pancakes for lunch. At least that’s what we thought, until we found out the place was closed. So we settled for ramen and curry instead. After that, we went to Del Amo for some shopping, then drove around and found some peacocks walking along the street, then stopped at the beach for a bit, then went to a coffee shop. Yea, I know, it’s complete randomness. That was really what this trip was all about – just going out and randomly having fun. Special thanks to Ken for an amazing dinner at Gyu-Kaku. It’s more than I’d ever be willing to pay for food (until the day I have a girlfriend and she happens to enjoy food as much as I do), but I guess there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun once in a while. Back in Hacienda Heights, we stopped by to check out HOC’s praise night for a bit before going home. We were all extremely tired, but it was well worth it.

Saturday – Another extremely tiring day. Rushi and I had planned for a long time to dedicate this day to the LA Auto Show, and his dad volunteered to take us there. Knowing how traffic and parking is like around there, I consider this an incredibly huge favor. The only sacrifice I had to make was sleep – they decided to leave home at 8:45 in the morning. Of course, there’s no way I can sleep well on the night before such a big event, so waking up early wasn’t exactly fun. But a cup of instant coffee got me awake and alert, and before I knew it I was at Rushi’s house and we were on our way to the show. Like I said before, there are very few people in this world I would invite with me to events like this, and Rushi is one of them. We enjoyed the show as well as several hours of hunting in the parking lots. We were tired and sore, but we felt accomplished enough that it was worth it. So exactly how did the hunt go? Highlights include a two-tone 612 Scaglietti, a pair of GT-R’s, a Phantom EWB, and *drumroll…* a Spyker C8 Laviolette. Add to that your usual dose of “common” exotics, and it’s one heck of an exciting day. I purposely chose to not eat until it was almost time to leave and I decided to get Starbucks (Java Chip, of course). That was my lunch. Back at Rushi’s house, we played Xbox for a while until I decided to go home. By then it was around 6:00 already, and when I got in the car to drive home I realized I wasn’t in much better condition than a drunk driver; I was so tired that I could barely concentrate on the road at all. There was just enough energy left in me to make it home in one piece. I guess part of the reason I was so tired was that I didn’t eat anything all day. Upon that realization, I treated myself to a feast of just about every leftover item from Thanksgiving dinner, and sure enough, I wasn’t nearly as tired anymore. So I took a shower, sat around for a little bit, then decided to catch the second half of SLOPPY. Needless to say, with so many people in the house it’s hard to not feel energetic. So I didn’t get home until around midnight. And with various disturbances in the middle of the night like having to use the restroom several times and hearing my dog bang himself on the window downstairs for no apparent reason, it was another restless night.

Today – Sleeping until 9:30 was a luxury, though it wasn’t nearly enough considering I barely fell asleep the entire night. Again, a cup of instant coffee helped start off the day. I finally remembered to bring a bag of chocolate-covered gummi bears to church, since so many people have asked me to do so. I have lots more, so keep bugging me about it and I’ll keep bringing ‘em on Sundays. Since the ClayMusic singers were still in New York, there was no practice today, so I got to go out to lunch – at La Kaffa! We took up like more than half the whole restaurant. Afterwards Joan and Jary came back home with me to hang out and do homework. I’ve never seen so many church bulletins in my room at the same time. At night we went to GCCI’s volunteer appreciation dinner at the DB Center. The English congregation actually managed to get almost 30 people, even though we were still far outnumbered by the Chinese-speaking crowd. It was a pretty interesting program – worship songs, hip-hop dancing, string trio, sax solo (Marcus), the list goes on. And the food was amazing too. Afterwards I took Joan Jary and Vanessa home, then went to LAX to pick up Mom, Aunt and Uncle from the airport. Ken also had to go to the airport to pick up his dad about half an hour before me, so he updated me with the traffic conditions. It was pretty smooth the whole time, except the thick fog made the whole drive a little more creepy. And being tired didn’t help either. But we made it back home, and now here I am using up my last little chunk of energy to write this entry to wrap up this eventful long weekend. I’m pretty sure that by now that little bit of water I drank is already fully digested. Seriously, if anything wakes me up in the middle of the night again I think I’m gonna go insane. At least I can sleep in as late as I want tomorrow, and be perfectly well rested just in time for another week of work. With all that said, it’s time for me to shut up. Goodnight!

11/25: It’s raining, and I’m quite happy about that. I’m sure many people feel the same way, especially those living in nearby Orange County who still wake up to the smell of ashes every morning (I was there last night, and it still smells bad). It’s great to have a ginormous shower fall from the sky to wash all the dust away and make the land clean again. And it’s actually raining pretty hard, meaning it will give me a free car wash rather than make me have to wash my car again.

Quick summary of the past few days – Sunday after church we had a meeting for Coffeehouse (Dec. 13). I’m still not sure what the heck I’m doing for Coffeehouse, since I’m not sure if Rod is still up for performing or not. Let’s hope everything works out, cuz I think his songs are very suitable for the venue and it would be great to bring together the representatives from two different Christian artist circles and let new friendships and connections form. After the meeting, those of us cool enough to stick around decided to go get Pho for lunch. Ken and Rebecca didn’t want Pho at first, but the majority won the vote. Monday – “Hot Cocoa Night”, episode two. So it’s officially a once-a-week thing now, and it’s very likely to be every Monday night, since Chan-Mi and I both get off work at 9. This time we went to the Denny’s in Diamond Bar. I gave up my fried appetizers for once in favor of a full breakfast meal, which was surprisingly the same price. And of course, we had the cocoa. I wonder what new surprises will await us next Monday =).

Other than that, most of my time has been spent at the computer working on “How many Asians does it take to open a bottle?” and editing pictures. I just realized there are an awful lot of miscellaneous pictures that need to be posted, so hopefully I’ll have that done in these next few days. I’m very excited about Thanksgiving weekend, and that gives me another reason to be thankful for the rain. If it keeps raining this hard, maybe the storm will be over in the next day or two, so when I go out on Friday and Saturday, there will be plenty of sunshine!

11/23: After much thinking and praying, I’ve decided to decline the offer to become a small group leader for PACT. It was a tough choice; having gone to this church for so long and having been a part of this group since its very beginning, I’m naturally inclined to step up and accept this position. I love these people and want to do what I can to serve them. But in terms of actually becoming a leader, several factors made me decide against it.

First, I’m not able to make a full time commitment to PACT. As a musician, I know that I will often be busy on Saturday nights with rehearsals or performances. And because music is an area of ministry that God has called me specifically to, I should give it a high priority when it comes to time commitment. Commitment is an extremely important characteristic of any group of people, and the leader should set a good example. If I’m a small group leader and I don’t show up every other meeting, it’s hard for the group to stay committed, not to mention grow and mature together. And because I work until night almost every day, the time I have to call and/or visit members of my group is very scarce. Given my current situation, it makes much more sense that I play a supporting role in PACT rather than lead my own group.

Another concern I have is regarding my own relationship with God. As some recent events have shown, my faith is extremely fickle, and I often fall into the trap of thinking I can bring God into my own control so that everything will work my way. I know that as Christians we all make mistakes at times and that any relationship will always have its ups and downs. But as a leader I should be at a more spiritually mature than the rest of my group, and while some parts of me demonstrate that maturity, other areas are desperately in need of wisdom. If my frequent struggles with anger, pride, and frustration can cause me to lose control so easily, I really don’t think I can handle being put directly in charge of the spiritual lives of others. Yes, a part of the wisdom I need can come from me getting out of my comfort zone and challenging myself to be a leader first. But there’s definitely a logical point where a risk is not worth taking, and I don’t want to face the high likelihood of my own immature ups and downs negatively influencing the lives of others.

Lastly, a more personal concern I have is the way our church has selected many of its leaders in the past. I know I shouldn’t let the past bother me now, but the sad truth is that our church has had far too many leaders who took their positions either because they were filled with an unrealistic spiritual confidence, because they simply liked being nice, or because they were guilted into it and were not strong enough to say no. And in the end, those leaders became trapped in their own desires to do good and ended up either burnt out or scarred by the very group of people that were supposed to help them grow spiritually. Yes, there are several instances where people don’t realize their God-given potential until they are forced into a leadership position. But I believe that when it comes to selecting leaders, the church must be wise in selecting which people to put in which positions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all trying to criticize our current leadership; we have come a very long way, and right now we’re as good as we’ve ever been. But even when it comes to the people I trust the most, I must still remember that they are imperfect humans just like myself. Throughout these past few weeks there were a few times when I sensed that the church was more concerned about having the leadership position filled than joining me in seeking God’s answer for whether or not I should accept it. And during those times I couldn’t help but let a little selfishness kick in and convince myself that I don’t want to end up like the many leaders in the past who ended their leadership by leaving our church completely.

I know that God wants me to love this church, and I know that He wants me to obey my spiritual leaders. But it is love that tells me I shouldn’t step into a position that may cause more harm than good to the church in the long run, since I can’t fully commit to it. And it is out of obedience to the many sermons I’ve heard that I know my faith should be more than simply following my leaders blindly. Again, I’m not at all writing these things to hurt the church or any of its leaders. Even though I won’t be an official small group leader for PACT, I fully support the group’s current vision, as well as every one of its leaders. If any of them need any help, I’ll be there to help. I love PACT and I love my church, and I will do my best to serve as God calls me to. But in terms of this particular role, I don’t think it’s what God is calling me to at this time. I pray that God will continue to guide me and open my eyes to further understand my role at church and at PACT, and I pray that God will continue to use all of us to give Him glory, both as individuals and as a group.

11/22: A bottle of lemon tea, three glasses of iced tea, and a huge plate of fried rice from Boston Cafe definitely make me awake and happy right now. It’s almost 2 in the morning, but this is one of those nights when I feel very hyper after a big concert, and there’s simply no way to just sleep it off, especially with all this caffeine inside me. Tonight’s ClayMusic concert (at GCCI) was definitely a very different experience from our usual events, and that turned out to be a good thing. I guess you can say this was the most “technologically advanced” concert we’ve ever had. Let’s start with the parking lot – there was a big power generator unit taking up one of the parking spaces, a sign that tonight’s event would require much more electricity than the church is used to handling. I was in shock when I first arrived and saw the stage. There were two big towers with colored spotlights and strobe lights, plus a fog machine. A friggin’ fog machine!! If I knew it was gonna be this fancy, I would have insisted that we provided glow sticks for everyone in the audience. But it was definitely good enough as is. And decorating the sanctuary with a few hundred balloons didn’t hurt either.

As for the music, this was not only our first concert (with a live band) for the new album, but also our first time experimenting with using pre-recorded tracks to enhance our live performance. Don’t worry, we were not faking our parts. A lot of famous musicians do that, and aside from the fact that they probably get paid a lot more than I ever will, I personally think it takes the fun out of being a musician. Most of us didn’t like the idea of using tracks at first, since we’ve had a long history of unexpected technical difficulties during concerts that makes the idea simply far too impractical. But we gave it a try – and it worked! Even though our rehearsals were filled with disasters such as not being able to hear the track or even playing the wrong song, none of that happened at the concert. Yes, I screwed up enough times to make myself feel like and idiot. And yes, we had a few noticeable technological problems in the middle of the concert. But that stuff is often inevitable. In terms of the overall smoothness of the program (sound balance, transitions, etc.), tonight went extremely well. And considering there was so much behind-the-scenes work (sound board, Powerpoint, videos, tracks, lighting, and more) that had to be done, that smoothness was definitely a big surprise.

Speaking of behind-the-scenes work, I must give a special thanks to everyone who volunteered to help in one way or another. The Chinese youth congregation spent several hours setting up the stage and blowing up all the balloons, and during the concert several people helped with the light effects. Afterwards, many of them stayed behind to help clean everything up. In the past we’ve made several attempts at incorporating light effects into our concerts, but almost every time, we either didn’t have adequate equipment or didn’t have enough manpower to bring out its potential. Tonight we had both, along with great sound equipment and a well-rehearsed program. In the end, all the effort we put into it gives God glory.

I always love concerts at our home church, not only because we’re familiar with the equipment, but also because it naturally draws a large audience. As a performer it’s a good feeling to look out and see all the seats in the room filled. Even though it makes me extremely nervous (which probably contributed to the majority of mistakes I made), in the end it definitely adds to the excitement. Several of my friends from the English congregation came. It’s always fun to see familiar faces, even though it makes me have to work extra hard to not lose focus on the music. I’m also very glad that a large percentage of the audience actually came from outside our church. After all, it’s an outreach event. Praise God for giving us talents and stories to share with others, and praise God especially for the people who either accepted Christ or were blessed by our program tonight. I look forward to seeing how God will continue to use our team to give Him glory. Next weekend, the singers are doing a 5-event tour in New York. Then we have a couple more weeks to rehearse, along with another chance to lead worship for the Chinese congregation. After that, we’re off to China!

11/21: Many of my friends know me by the entries I’ve written about my encounters with God and the things I’ve learned from various experiences in life. I try very hard to live by the standards I write about, thinking it only makes sense for me to live a life that sums up all that God has brought me through so far. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m still an extremely shallow person, with very little motivation other than my own will power. I guess it makes sense for me to be driven by will power, since I voluntarily spent the first decade or so of my life in a more or less antisocial setting. (It’s a long story, for those who don’t know). But I realized that ever since my life has been opened up to the world around me, depending on will power can be extremely dangerous. When multiple people are involved in a situation, it is inevitable that there will be some sort of disagreement, and it is inevitable that there will be times when things don’t exactly go my way. That’s what I had feared all along during my selfish childhood. And even now that I’m far past that stage in my life, that fear, which I’ve tried so hard to run away from, is still there just like it used to be. There are certain scenarios that I simply can’t overcome, and in the times when they become reality, my shattered will power results in a complete shattering of hope. I like to blame it on the assumption that my life is a lot more thought out than the lives of my friends. I like to think that other people’s lives simply aren’t as “perfect” as mine. But if that’s the case, shouldn’t I at least have a little strength to defend myself from being attacked by the “imperfect”?

Needless to say, I’m writing this entry because tonight didn’t go anything like how it was planned to. I really don’t know if I feel this way because I have too many idiot friends or because I’m simply too weak to deal with reality. Many of my choices in how to live my life now are the result of things in the past that have hurt me (or decisions I’ve made that have hurt others), and because I’m not able to get over those past feelings, each new blow brings back the pain of every previous incident. Tonight’s blow was simply too hard for me to handle, and I’m very thankful that I actually made it home alive, since my reactions to such situations tend to be dangerously out of control. If you happen to feel like you’re one of the people that have hurt me in these ways, don’t worry, I’m not at all trying to blame you or express anger toward you. I believe I shouldn’t put the blame on you until I search my own heart first, and I’m sure that whoever you are, I’m not any more perfect than you. Maybe you have been really inconsiderate, and maybe you have made some stupid decisions that ended up hurting me. But still it is my choice how to respond to the situation, and that’s an area I can definitely work hard to improve. I may be shallow when it comes to my responses, but I refuse to let one incident (or even several incidents) bring an end to an otherwise good friendship. Sure, there are some friends that I simply can’t trust in certain areas anymore, and only time can heal that wound. But friendship is still friendship, and that’s not gonna change.

I’m very glad that I still have the strength to think and write all these things right now. And for that I must give credit to Marcus, who spontaneously invited me to join his birthday party. The first half of the party was spent hanging out with the people from Core cell group. Then Jason, Chris, and Shaw came, and the 21-and-over party began. It’s funny how every time I put up an Away message (on AIM) related to alcohol, I always get surprised messages from people. During my college years, I indirectly gave people the impression that I don’t drink at all. That’s because most college students simply don’t know what it means to drink responsibly, and during those years I’ve seen far too many examples of good people screwing up their lives (or even losing it completely) for a single night of fun that they will later regret. So I chose to stay out of that crowd, partaking only occasionally as nothing more than social etiquette. When it comes to drinking, it’s pretty easy to figure out who I can trust and who I can’t. And with these guys I know I have nothing to worry about. Besides, on a ridiculously crappy night like this, how can I say no to a little intoxication?

Don’t worry, I’m not drunk right now. I just had a little to drink, and made it home in one piece. I guess it’s a miracle that tonight turned out the way it did – I didn’t do anything ridiculously stupid, I didn’t hurt any innocent people around me, and right now I’m not exactly depressed either. Sure, things could have turned out better to begin with. But this is much, much better than having things simply not turn out at all, and I’m not gonna complain. And for those who want a little glimpse of the party, I’ll post pictures when I have time. Also, I’m working on my newest YouTube video, titled “How many Asians does it take to open a bottle?” Stay tuned and see it for yourself.

11/20: It surprises me how every week seems to be getting more and more eventful. It might be partly because of the fact that I haven’t exactly had to work five days a week due to holidays, fires, and the laziness of the public school districts. But of course, all the extra free time doesn’t mean much unless I put it to good use. And I always love it when there are friends who want to spontaneously hang out on weekdays. It sucks that half the time I’m invited to do something, I can’t make it because of my awkward work schedule. But the times that I can make it definitely add a welcome sparkle to an otherwise mundane week. Rewind back to yesterday – after probably about a month and a half, I finally got to see Grace again. I don’t think we’ve spent so long without seeing each other ever since we met. I went over to her house to chill with her and Taryn, then we went out for some boba, followed by spontaneous grocery shopping at Albertsons. It’s amazing how Grace and I never fail to surprise each other with our randomness, and yet we also never fail to surprise each other with our similarities. I was browsing through her camera, and found a picture of the DC-10 almost identical to the one I took! Even in the midst of evacuation, she still has time to shoot random objects in the sky. By the way, for those who are wondering, the fire is finally completely put out as of yesterday afternoon. Thank you Jesus =). As for tonight, I finally got to keep my promise to Ken and go watch one of their weekly basketball games. I’ve wanted to go for a long time, except the games are always during my work time. This time it’s a 10PM game, so it was perfect for me. I invited Chan-Mi to come too, to fulfill our weekly hangout (“hot cocoa time” =) ) and to keep me company so I don’t have to sit by myself during the game. We met up at Starbucks first for some drinks – I think I’ve successfully converted a few more people into Java Chip addicts =). Then we went to watch Ken, Steven, and the rest of the team own their opponents. Great job guys =). And because that Java Chip is still in my system, I’ve decided to write this entry to kill some time so the caffeine can wear off first. After all, what’s the point of lying in bed if I can’t fall asleep? Tomorrow will be another exciting day. And Saturday’s the big ClayMusic concert, which I still have a lot to prepare for. But I’ll do that tomorrow morning =).

11/19: Too Close to Home - Reflections on the Freeway Complex Fire

Sometimes it takes a catastrophe for people to learn a lesson. There have been many natural disasters that are far worse than the Freeway Complex Fire – earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes have killed thousands of people in a few short hours, and have left countless innocent people homeless and injured for life. But let’s admit it, sometimes these problems can seem far away, and sometimes reality simply doesn’t hit us as hard as we think it should. I have some friends who have incredibly big hearts for donating to charity, feeding the homeless, and going overseas to help children in third-world countries, and I have always admired them for being so passionate about so much more than just themselves. But I must admit I’m guilty of often having a hard heart when it comes to issues that don’t directly affect me. And I know many people who feel the same kind of guilt. The sad truth is that most of us have gone to church for at least several years, and have heard countless sermons about how Jesus loves those who are needy and expects His people to follow His example. But as mere humans, sometimes our weaknesses get the best of us. Sometimes we’re so caught up in our own selfish concerns or so disillusioned by all the problems going on around us that we fail to realize how severe a situation really is. That is, until it hits a little too close to home.

That’s why the Freeway Complex Fire matters so much to me. On Saturday, the freeways were shut down, and as a result every major street in the area was filled with traffic. My sister’s friend’s car broke down, and as I rode on the flatbed truck carrying it, I listened to the driver mumble endless complaints about how the fires made his job so much more difficult. I was a bit irritated too after sitting through so much traffic to get back home, but next to that truck driver, I had no right to complain. For all I knew, the flames would probably be under control soon, and I had nothing to worry about. When I woke up on Sunday, I heard the news that the fire had spread overnight and had reached Diamond Bar, the city that borders one end of my neighborhood. Several of my friends and relatives who live only minutes away had already been forced to evacuate, and my neighborhood was very likely to be next. It all happened so quickly, and because I was about to go to church, I didn’t spend time packing any emergency supplies other than some money and an extra set of clothes. As I sat through Sunday Service, reality finally struck me – there was a good chance I might never be able to return to my home again. Through the course of this fire, my experiences with this too-close-to-home situation have given me a deeper understanding of my family and friends, my own life, and God.

Two of the three preachers at my church were at home packing after receiving evacuation orders from police. At least a third of our congregation was missing. Of those who showed up for church, many were deeply worried and afraid. We were given time to get in groups and pray, and during that time there was a sense of peace that flowed through the sanctuary. It came from God, and also from the realization that we as a congregation were there for one another in our times of need. Back at home that evening, all the windows were shut to keep the air clean, and everyone in my family was home. Also at our house were our relatives who were unable to return to their home to spend the night. We were there for one another, and we kept each other strong even though we were all afraid. Throughout the weekend, I received several phone calls and IM’s from friends who saw the news and were concerned about me. I also contacted several friends living in Orange County to make sure they were okay. The more I think about it, the more I feel blessed to know so many people who care about me and remember me in times of trouble. I often wonder who would think about me if I disappeared from the internet or stopped calling people regularly, and several times in the past when my computer broke down, I treated it as a simulation of such a situation, and allowed myself to learn lessons about investing in genuine friendships. But this time it was no simulation – my life, my family, and just about everything I physically possessed was in danger. And I’m glad to know that in such a difficult time, I’m not alone. I really don’t know how I would respond if the fire actually consumed my home. But one thing I know for sure is that even if I lose everything I have that money can buy, I still have my family and my friends, and with the power of their love I can get back on my feet and continue moving forward.

Of course, it’s easier said than done. If such a disaster were to strike my family, I would probably be angry at myself and bitter toward God, and it would probably take a long time before I can feel strong enough to give life another try. As so many people around me were forced to leave their homes, I couldn’t help but picture myself in the same situation. If I had only five minutes to pack, and had to fit everything in my car’s trunk, what would I bring? If I could only choose ten things to take with me, what would they be? It breaks my heart to ask myself such questions, because I know that no matter what, I would have to leave something precious behind. I have stored up so many treasures for myself, and when faced with the risk of losing everything, more treasures mean more worries and potentially more pain.

As I prayed with a couple friends during Sunday Service, tears began to fall from my eyes. It had been a long time since I wanted to cry so hard. It had been a long time since I was so scared. And it had been a long time since I realized how much I really need God. As stupid as it may sound, there have been times when I felt so stubbornly brave that I cursed at God when things didn’t go my way as if I were stronger than Him. Now He finally decides to step up to play offense, and He easily shattered me. Naturally, I fall on my knees to humble myself and apologize for the many ways that I have wronged Him. I’m sorry for living life for myself, often neglecting the needs of others for the sake of my own happiness. I’m sorry for often blaming God for things that don’t go my way and expecting Him to do whatever pleases me. I’m sorry that I have taken the many things God has blessed me with for granted. I’m sorry for refusing to humble myself and thinking that I can handle every problem in life with my own strength – that is, until the problem hits too close to home.

It was way too close to home for me not to be afraid. One map I found of the Freeway Complex Fire shows that at one point, the houses at the far end of my street were in immediate danger of being consumed by the flames. Had the thousands of firemen and police officers not worked so diligently, the fire could have easily continued creeping up those hills. Had the winds not died down just in time, my neighborhood might not exist today. As I watched the news and saw the hundreds of families who returned from evacuation only to find that their homes had been burned to the ground, I couldn’t help but wonder “what if I were one of the victims?” What if I were left with no food to eat, no clothes to change into, and no bed to sleep in? Surely I deserve no better than any of those victims do. I’ve done so many wrong things in my life that it’s only right for me to receive such a severe punishment. Yet God had mercy on me, and He kept me from even the slightest bit of harm.

That leads me to my last point. God, who has control over all things, has protected me from a disaster that could have easily left me homeless. Sure, you can argue that it’s just a coincidence, like many other things in life that can be interpreted both ways. But I believe that as humans, we will inevitably face situations that force us to be frightened and humbled, and in those times something deep inside us begins to wonder if there really is a greater being that cares about us. It’s not because other people go to church, and it’s not because religion is a good thing. But it is because we are simply too small to fight life’s battles alone and we need someone bigger to fight for us.

I’ve always known that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 9:10). When I read those words as a child, I wondered why a loving God would want to scare people. The older I got, the more I began to understand what that “fear” really means, and after these fires, that understanding has reached an even deeper level. Yes, God loves me and forgives my sins. But with the realization that I am a sinner at the mercy of His all-powerful hands, it is only natural that I approach Him in fear. Without fear, it is too easy to fall into the trap of thinking I have absolute control over my life. Only after experiencing fear can I find the balance between God’s love and God’s wrath, and it is that very balance that puts my life in the right position next to His will, leading me to wisdom.

Of course, I’m not saying that God is necessarily angry at the victims of the fire, or that He doesn’t care for them as much. If even the thought of losing my home can bring me to my knees and give me a deeper understanding of God, then shouldn’t those who have suffered more gain an even more profound understanding? I believe the victims of the fire have gained access to an incredible joy that I can only wish to experience. The only thing they have to do is turn to God and accept it. God is constantly writing stories in the lives of His people, and by putting these people through a tragic situation that no ordinary person wishes to experience, He will bring this plot in their stories to an incredible ending that will make all the suffering worthwhile in the long run.

To conclude my reflections on the Freeway Complex Fire, here is a picture I took from my street during the first day of the fire.

11/17: Monday night. My window is wide open to let the air circulate through my room, since at this point there I no longer have to worry about my room being covered in ashes. As far as I can see, tonight I can sleep in peace. At around 3:00 this afternoon, all evacuated areas in Diamond Bar were reopened, and my grandma, aunt, uncle, and cousin returned to their home. Several of my friends who were evacuated also returned home. I received more IMs and phone calls from friends making sure I was okay. And I'm glad that I was able to contact some friends and make sure that they were okay too. Aside from the fact that I didn't have to go to work, everything else during the rest of the evening and night seemed normal.

I can hear at least one helicopter circling the sky now, meaning the fire is probably still burning somewhere in the hills. I don't know for sure, since there isn't nearly as much news coverage of the fire as there was yesterday. But the last time I checked, it was no longer a threat to any residences. I'm extremely thankful for all the firemen and police offcers who worked so hard to protect us. While today was a relaxing day for me, for them it was another day of hard work. During a short drive around Diamond Bar in the morning, I saw more fire engines and police cars on duty together than I had ever seen before. Many firemen worked continually with no time to sleep other than occasional breaks when they laid down on the sidewalk and closed their eyes. Through their hard work, countless lives, homes, and families have been saved.

One map I found of the fire shows that the hilltop I took pictures from and the houses at the far end of my street were at one point in immediate danger. I really don't know how I would respond if even just one house in my neighborhood burned down, or if any of my friends or relatives suffered a loss due to the fire. It makes me wonder about the many people in nearby Orange County who weren't as fortunate as I was. Why was God so merciful to me and not so merciful to them, when in reality I deserved no better than they did? How will they continue their lives from scratch to rebuild what they had worked their entire lives for? Tonight they will be in my prayers, and I will ask God to take care of them during such a difficult point in their lives. As for me, I've definitely learned many important lessons in these past few days. But to write them all down now will take way too long, so I will wait until another day. As far as I can see, tomorrow will be a normal day. For now, it's time to go to bed and get the peaceful rest that I am more thankful for than ever before.

11/17: Monday afternoon. Last night I slept with the window closed and the blinds shut. I recall lying in bed and seeing a faint white glow from outside the window and opening the blinds to take a peek. It was the moon, shining ever so brightly, more brightly than the sun shone during the day. The sky was clear. There were a few stars too, and of course, a helicopter patrolling the hills to make sure the fire was kept under control.

When I woke up in the morning, I looked out the window again. The sky was blue. It was still a little smoggy, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it was clear enough that I decided to go for a little drive to check out what's going on around my neighborhood.

The situation didn't seem nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Most schools were closed, and the neighborhoods that were evacuated yesterday were still surrounded by police cars. The evacuation center at Diamond Bar High School was quiet; most of the people had chosen to spend the night at the homes of their friends or relatives. A sudden parade of about ten fire engines reminded me that the firestorm wasn't completely extinguished yet. Every few blocks, there was a group of cop cars either driving around, talking to concerned residents, or blocking off evacuated streets. It was definitely still an emergency, but the overall mood of the people was relaxed.

Thankfully, no properties in Diamond Bar were damaged or destroyed. My grandma, aunt, uncle, and cousin had lunch at my house, since they aren't allowed back home yet. The news report no longer gave its full attention to the fires, leaving us with the impression that everything is now under control. However, the evacuation orders have not been lifted yet, since officials fear that a possible change in wind direction can instantly put the homes in danger once again. Let's hope that doesn't happen. But we know that we are still, as we have always been, at the mercy of God's hands, and we pray that the flames will continue to be reduced until they are entirely gone.

11/16: Sunday night. I'm very fortunate to be able to sit at home in front of my computer right now writing this entry. Everything today happened too quickly for me to really sit down and think. At around 9:30 in the morning, I woke up to the sound of the DC-10 flying over my house. The fire wasn't contained yet. It had burned for about 24 hours already, and the morning sun gave the entire sky an eerie orange glow. From my window, the entire sky was covered by that glow. God only knew if it was the glow of the sun behind the clouds or the glow of fire on its way to my neighborhood.

I went downstairs to eat some breakfast, and got a call from Carol, who was already at church for worship practice, telling me that several places in Diamond Bar, including The Country and some neighborhoods only five minutes away from home, have just been evacuated. I remember going to sleep last night thinking I'd already had my share of experiencing a big firestorm and feeling like there was nothing to worry about. While I slept, the fire headed north to Chino Hills and Diamond Bar. That's definitely a little too close to home. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, one end of my neighborhood is actually part of the city of Diamond Bar, and the neighborhood about a block away from there had already been blocked off by police.

Carol came home and packed some belongings, then we went back to church just in time for Sunday service. I stopped by the hilltop on my way there to catch a glimpse of the fire.

11/16: Sunday morning. It's amazing how much can change in one night. The sky's a lot smokier than it was yesterday, and there's firefighting aircraft constantly circling the sky right above my house. Several areas in Diamond Bar about five to ten minutes from here have already been evacuated. It's time to go to church now. Who knows if I'll be able to go home afterwards? This is really a lot scarier than I thought...

11/15: Late-night update after an awesome dinner at Banana Bay with PACT. Of course, I wouldn't have decided to go if things didn't seem under control, and I probably wouldn't have gone if the traffic conditions were anything like what it was like in the evening. But it's been one heck of an adventure.

Rewind back to around 5:00. I was in my backyard talking on the phone while watching the insane traffic jam on Pathfinder. (For those who didn't know, it was backed up from Fullerton all the way to Brea Canyon Cut-Off, and probably farther). What was once a peaceful residential-area street suddenly became the freeway detour route for an endless flow of cars and trucks. Then Mom got a call from Carol and found out that she and her friend were stuck on the side of the road (on Harbor) since their car overheated and broke down. So suddenly we became a part of that traffic jam. At least we knew the area well enough to get to Harbor using a bunch of residential streets, and avoided the most congested areas. But it still took a heck of a long time before we finally found Carol and her friend. We called AAA, but knew that the tow truck wasn't gonna come anytime soon because of the traffic jam. So we sat in the car and waited together. Several tow trucks passed by us while we waited, and some of the drivers saw us on the side of the road and looked at us as if to offer help. But they continued driving, probably on their way to help somebody else. The estimated wait time of one hour passed, and AAA called to tell us to wait for another 45 minutes. I wasn't surprised at all. Fortunately, the truck arrived earlier than that, and soon we were on our way home. Mom drove the girls while I rode with the truck driver to give him directions. Much of the drive back wasn't any smoother than our drive there. The driver and I occasionally exchanged a few words, mainly regarding the fire and the traffic. He wasn't happy at all, and he had every reason not to be happy. I knew I had no right to complain at all next to him, since he's been sitting in traffic all day and will continue doing so for the rest of the night. The number of roadside assistance calls kept on increasing, and he knew it would be hours before he could reach the next stranded motorist. We saw a car stuck in the traffic in the opposite direction that was filled with smoke coming from the engine. Its emergency lights were on, but the driver kept on going up the hill. Who knows if he'll make it to the other side or not. Another car was stalled on the side of the road, and the driver was sitting inside making a phone call. When he saw us, he gazed at us with hopeful eyes. But we kept on going; our flatbed already had a car on it.

It was past 8:30 when we finally made it home. Carol's friend's boyfriend was already waiting at our house with a U-Haul truck, ready to tow the car back to Azusa (where they live). I left them at that point, since I was already late to PACT. Fortunately, by then most of the traffic had died down already, so it didn't take me much longer than usual to arrive at Shaw's house. I was feeling quite frustrated, mostly because I saw so much frustration in the people around me throughout the day (the people stuck in traffic with us). But it was nice to spend some time worshipping God and praying for one another. Thinking back at everything that happened, I really have no right to complain at all. And I find it amazing that this just happens to be the one Saturday when I pretty much made no plans at all. The day definitely turned out a lot busier than I thought, and at this point I'm simply glad that everybody's okay. As for the fire, it's still burning strong. I passed by the hilltop on my way home from my late-night dinner (I didn't have time to eat before going to PACT), and I could see the fire burning in the distance, lighting up the night sky. I pray that God will bless the people who's lives and/or properties have been threatened by the fires, and that He will continue to give the firefighters strength and courage to bring the fire under control.

11/15: This morning I was lying on my bed talking on the phone when my mom told me there was a brushfire near Brea. I didn't think it was a big deal at first. A few minutes later, I looked out my window and saw this.

11/14: It's funny how even with such a relaxing week, I still hate being at home on Friday night. I guess my brain already knows this weekly routine of automatically becoming depressed when nobody wants to hang out at this time of the week. And it's funny how the more I think about it, the more tonight reminds me of that Friday night over a month ago when I decided to simply give up hope and settle with treating myself to a can of beer. What surprised me the most that night was that everything was working against me before I got that beer, and afterwards everything was in my favor. And no, it's not just psychological, and I don't get drunk after one can of beer. There was so much I wanted that I didn't have, and suddenly I had it all. It almost seemed like God was messing with me on purpose. Fast forward to right now. It's a little past 6:00, and I was starting to feel a slight hint of that Friday-night sadness when I was able to ease it off by chatting with a couple friends online. Then suddenly my Internet connection gets cut off for no reason. That, we all know, is definitely a cue from heaven. Or maybe from that other place. I'm not gonna bother explaining for the millionth time why I'm not willing to put up with an interruption like this. But I'm not willing to believe it's a coincidence, especially since it happens to be Friday night. The only difference between this time and last time is that I have an option to run away. And I know exactly where I'm gonna go - UCLA. The only people that responded to my cry for help are there right now, and they do want to hang out. The only thing holding me back right now is the voice inside me telling me I'd be insane for spontaneously deciding to drive an hour there and an hour back on the same night. And I'm not sure if I want to spend all that gas/parking money just to run away from my own problems. Then again, if I had this option last time, I would have gladly accepted it even if it cost me twice as much. So what makes this time any different? We'll see. Maybe after I eat dinner, I can get back online again. Or maybe another beer will keep me within the walls of this house for the rest of the night. Or maybe...

11/11: The best thing about my job is that when my students don't have school, I don't have to work =). Of course, that also means less income. But it's definitely nice to have a break. Veteran's Day happens to be on a Tuesday, and all the school districts got lazy and decided to take Monday off too, just for the heck of it. So I have two days to sit around and relax. Actually, I still have students at night - I figured since I have nothing to do anyways, might as well make it an option for people to still get tutoring if needed. And after teaching last night, Chan-Mi and I went to enjoy another night of food & hot cocoa at Denny's. I think it's gonna be an official weekly event now, and that's definitely a good thing =).

11/08: UCLA Visit #8. As usual, I went to work on Friday with everything in my trunk, and headed straight to LA when I finished at 5:00. However, I didn’t exactly feel too excited about the trip at first. Because it had been a surprisingly busy week, I didn’t get to spend a lot of time talking to the people I planned on visiting, and therefore I wasn’t as hyped up about the trip as I normally would be. And it didn’t help that the drive there took much longer than it ever took me before. Fortunately, I didn’t cross paths with the many recent protests in LA that forced major streets to be shut down and resulted in ridiculous traffic jams. But still, it was one heck of a long drive, long enough that the CD I was listening to played from beginning to end two whole times. And that’s not including the 15 minutes or so when I turned it off and opened the windows to listen to the engine of the Dodge Viper driving next to me. Fine, the CD isn’t a very long one. But still, playing it through two entire times means I spent way more time in the car than necessary to get to UCLA.

This was the first visit during which I arrived at UCLA in the evening with no immediate dinner plans. And because it was already a little past 7:00, I really didn’t expect to miraculously run into someone with Premier on his/her way to dinner. And even if I did, I didn’t have too much time, since I made it a goal on this trip to be able to attend a good part of GOC rather than simply show up when the meeting ended. One thing about my UCLA visits always surprises me immediately when I arrive – I don’t exactly feel like a visitor. Having spent over four years living on the Hill, I know the system better than most of the people who actually live there now. And having taken advantage of just about every facility while I lived in my car, I’m not the least bit worried about basic survival needs. I treated myself to a soda from Bruin Cafe (not realizing until later in the night that the cup sizes have changed and the cup I brought was significantly larger than the current ones), and called most of the people I said I would call when I arrived. Then I treated myself to a little walk around the Hill, and went to GOC in time to catch most of the sermon and the last couple worship songs. I love to take some time out of my visits to attend campus fellowships, because it gives me the important reminder that there’s so much more to my life at UCLA than just myself. I visit my friends at school not only to have a good time, but to reflect on all the amazing stories God has written in my own life and use them to bless the people I spend time with.

As for dinner, Derek kindly volunteered to donate his 10PM swipe. We walked back to the dorms together after GOC and headed straight to Puzzles. Of course, I chose the chicken nuggets with curly fries. And this time I didn’t have to worry about having a soda cup that looks different from everyone else’s. I went to Rieber Terrace to visit Christine, Trinh, and Isaac. Originally I didn’t plan to stay there long, since I was supposed to attend a party in Westwood. But because I wasn’t able to get in touch with the people who invited me, I decided to stay on the Hill. Isaac had to leave after a while, and Christine had to go home. I got to talk with Trinh a little longer, and ended up spending the night there. It always amazes me to realize how little things in my life can miraculously fall into place over time; was it not for the fact that many of my UCLA friends met me while I lived in my car, I’d probably be worried out of my mind trying to find places to spend the night each time I visit. But now I can arrive on campus fearlessly, knowing I’ve already conquered the worst case scenario, and time after time I get to re-experience the joy of having friends who care about me and are aggressive to show it.

Today was surprisingly eventful, especially considering that most people have plenty of exams to study for. I had originally considered spending the morning in Beverly Hills, since I didn’t make any breakfast plans. But as usual, I kept in mind that my primary purpose of being in LA is to spend time with people, so when Elizabeth and Christina asked me to drive them to Ralph’s for some grocery shopping, I gladly agreed. I jokingly say that they’re simply using me because I have a car, but in reality I’m surprised and happy that people want to spend time with me at 9:30 on a Saturday morning. And besides, I would hate to walk up that hill with an entire shopping cart full of groceries. After an awesome morning at Ralph’s, during which they bought just about everything they’ll need to survive for the next several weeks, I had a little less than an hour to kill before carrying out my lunch plans, and after parking my car back at Sunset Village, I decided to spend that time by myself at the West Gate of Bel-Air.

It was just like the old days. Ever since I discovered my car spotting hobby, I’ve spent countless hours on Sunset Boulevard by myself taking pictures. It actually took me a few minutes to rediscover the excitement of staring at the far end of the street ready to snap pictures of whatever exotic car may show up. Several Bentleys, Maseratis, Aston Martins, and a rare Lamborghini roadster made the 25 minutes I spent there fly by. I went to pick up Julia at her apartment, and we had lunch at Noodle Planet. I didn’t get to see her during my last visit, and it was great to spend some time catching up. We went to Whole Foods and she picked up a few groceries, then I went to visit her apartment for a little while. Then I visited Christine(Shen). We decided to go for a random walk around the apartments, and when we passed by Tiffany(Sitlin)’s apartment, we invited her to join us. We passed by Alan’s apartment, and he came to join us too. It reminded me of the night when I first arrived at UCLA as a freshman five years ago. I joined a spontaneous group of students on a random walk to explore campus. The more we walked, the more people joined us, and several of the people I met that night became my friends that I still keep in touch with now. Sadly, it’s extremely hard to find people who have finished their freshman year and still enjoy the excitement of such spontaneous walks. But I’m glad such people still exist, and I’m very fortunate to be friends with them.

Christine, Tiffany, Alan, and I circled the same few blocks several times before they decided to go back and return to their work. It was around 4:00, and Bruin Cafe was already open, so I returned to the Hill for a refreshing soda. That was probably the only time today that I sat down by myself and didn’t do anything but simply relax. It didn’t last too long though. I went back to Rieber Terrace to visit Jerry, Antony, and Norris. If you have something that needs to be fixed but don’t have the tools to do so, talk to Jerry. He has just about every kind of tool in existence, and his desk is pretty much his experiment laboratory. In fact, even the microwave in his room is considered a toy. I stayed there until it was time to eat dinner with Sue. We ate at DeNeve dining hall, where I made sure her swipe was put to good use. As usual, it was fun seeing the looks on people’s faces when I made my jello drink. Now that it’s rare for me to have opportunities to eat in the dining halls, it’s even more rare that I’ll be able to find all the right ingredients to make my original snacks and drinks at the same place at the same time. I was tempted to go for a second cup of my green-and-orange beverage, but by then Sue had already left because she had to go on RA duty, and I had more important things to do than simply sit in the dining hall by myself and mix drinks.

I called Matt, who lives not too far from DeNeve, and we went for a spontaneous walk around campus. First we went down Bruinwalk, then back up to his apartment to grab a jacket, then down the same hill again, and we went all the way past Murphy, then to the court of sciences. We spent some time exploring the Life Sciences building, which was pretty much empty on a Saturday night. It was quite scary actually, so scary that when Derek called to offer me the dinner swipe that he didn’t need (since he ate off campus), I told him I was on a mission to hunt for zombies. We didn’t find any zombies, but I did put that swipe to good use. Derek and I met up at Bruin Cafe, where I got a green tea ice blend. He didn’t want his 10PM swipe either, and we had some time to kill before the clock struck 10, so we went to visit Jerry and Antony. Trinh was busy, but we did stop by her room to say hi, since it’s such a rare occasion now that we’re all in the same place at the same time. Too bad Christine had to go home.

When it passed 10:00, Derek, Jerry, Antony, Amy, and I went to Bruin Cafe to get rid of swipes. Not that I had any swipes to use, but when people offer me swipes and I know they really don’t want it, I’ll be sure to put it to good use. So I got a smoothie. Apparently I was the only one who didn’t feel like it was cold outside at all. I guess it was because I was the only one there who spent several hours walking aimlessly and speeding from place to place with my scooter. Speaking of scooters, apparently they’re not as common on campus this year as they were before. Several times throughout the day, random people commented on it, and a janitor that saw me in the restroom actually talked with me for a long time about how convenient it to have. After walking back up to Rieber Terrace, I said goodbye and left the dorms to make my last stop – Elizabeth’s apartment. Having just performed at the Beverly Hilton with several famous musicians including John Williams, she had plenty of stories to tell and pictures to show me. I stayed there until a little past midnight, then left to head home.

It’s always a strange feeling when I’m in my car on my way out of campus to drive back home. After having so much fun, it takes my mind a good five to ten minutes to fully realize that the trip has ended. I always grab an extra soda from Bruin Cafe to drink on the car, just to keep me awake, since I tend to not realize how exhausted I am at the end of the day until I’m left by myself. This time I was actually more awake than I expected to be. Maybe it’s because the late-night drive home was so relaxing compared to the trip from Walnut to campus. I listened to the same CD, and this time it only played through once. In fact, I stayed in my car a few extra minutes after getting home just to finish the last song. It started to rain not long after I got home, making me glad I didn’t decide to stay at UCLA longer and drive home later.

It’s late at night now, and I should definitely be in bed, especially since I have to wake up early to get to church for worship practice tomorrow. But I think it’s a good idea to get that last cup of soda out of my system first. And besides, I’m almost certain that once I lie down and close my eyes, I’ll realize that I’m actually a lot more awake than I thought. It happens all the time – after such an exciting day, when I close my eyes all the exciting memories start to flash across my mind. And when it comes to UCLA visits, all the new memories will trigger the countless existing memories of my college years, and once that switch is turned on, it’s almost impossible to switch it back off until I’ve exhausted my mind to a point where I’m literally too tired to think anymore.

One thing that always amazes me about visiting UCLA is how often I get surprised. Whether it’s the nice cars I see or the people I visit or the unexpected treats I receive, in the end each day always turns out different from what I expect, and that’s almost always a good thing. What surprised me most today was that despite the academic stress that everyone is going through, there is still plenty of room for the spontaneity that often adds a fresh touch of excitement to existing friendships. I’ve always believed that when it comes to spending time with people, sometimes it’s not about where we’re going or what we’re doing, but simply the fact that we are spending time together and building a relationship. And I really appreciate the fact that people are able to take time out of their busy schedules to allow this spontaneity, whether it’s for me or for their own good. One friend asked me today about how I kept my college life exciting even when everything around me seemed dull. I replied with a simple answer – “Surprise yourself”. I’ve done it enough times to know that it works; I’ve taken different paths to get to class, walked for miles to explore nearby streets, sat in solitude to admire my surroundings, and made crazy and random decisions, simply for the sake of keeping myself amused, regardless of what other people thought. Some of my crazy decisions succeeded and others didn’t, but ultimately it’s that up-and-down fluctuation that gives life its plot. And I’m glad to say that because God has constantly fueled me to believe in myself, my college experience is one that people can look up to and be encouraged by in many ways. Each time I visit UCLA, it is my goal both to use my experiences to bless my friends and to continue to gain new experiences. And each time I come back home and reflect on a visit, I reach the same conclusion that I’m so blessed to have found the joy and excitement of allowing God to write my college story, and I pray that in the same way He blessed me, He will also bless my friends, so that their college stories will be no less exciting and fulfilling than mine. I praise God for another amazing UCLA visit, and pray that He will continue to let His will be done.

11/07: Getting ready for another awesome UCLA Visit. It's been a surprisingly busy week, and I had just enough time to contact people and prepare everything I need to bring. As usual, my schedule during the trip is pretty much open, and it will start filling itself up once I'm there. So far, a Beverly Hills trip tomorrow morning is possible, but times like this are never all that predictable, so who knows? And yes, a lot of people will be busy studying for midterms during this time of the quarter. But come on, it's a weekend, and everyone needs a break once in a while, right? Every time I visit, I always end up getting surprised in a good way, and I believe this trip will be no exception. With all that said, I look forward to another exciting weekend at UCLA!

11/05: Just this afternoon I was talking to Mom randomly about how it's been a long time since I ate at Maxim Cafe, and when I met up with Ken for dinner, he happened to suggest going to Maxim. So that's exactly what we did. On the way home, we stopped at Shaw's house cuz I needed to pick up something. A lot of people may recall me asking the question "What would you do if you had a ten-pound bag of gummi bears?". And a lot of people thought I was crazy. Well, take a look at this -

11/04: UCLA Visit #8, this Friday - Saturday! I already talked to a few people I'm visiting, and I'm already getting really hyped up about it. Yes, I know, people have midterms and essays and crap that make them feel like they can't even take a 10-minute break. But somehow every one of my UCLA visits still turns out to be so fulfilling, and I know this one will be no exception =).

11/03: It's 2AM and I just got home after eating and hanging out at Denny's with Chan-Mi. First, I need to say that Carbon Canyon is now officially my favorite road to drive on. I had heard so much about it before, but never got a chance to check it out, since I rarely need to commute from Brea straight to Chino Hills. I prepared for the adventure by wearing gloves and a jacket, turning on the seat heater, and opening the windows and sunroof to get some of that canyon wind in my face. A techno CD served as the perfect soundtrack. And the experience felt every bit like a video game, minus the reckless driving of course. The road was plenty of fun even when following the speed limit. There are so many random twists and turns, as well as some pitch-black straightaways, and what makes it so much better is that it's a friggin' long stretch of road. The countless curves never seemed to end, and at some points I actually began to feel like I was lost. But that only adds to the adventure =).

Anyways, I just felt like getting that out of my head first. This is one of those nights when I feel like I simply can't go to sleep without letting out all of my feelings. As Chan-Mi and I enjoyed our late-night dessert, we got to share a lot about things that happened to us in the past. To me, it's hard to think of a better way to get to know a person than to know his/her past. The things that we have gone through play a crucial role in who we are now, and will shape our attitudes and decisions in the future. I feel extremely encouraged both from hearing other people's stories and from getting a chance to tell my own stories, which reminds me once again of how intricately God has shaped every part of my life. And each time I come to that realization, it leaves me with no doubt that God is not only real, but plays an active role in my life. Even if people are right when they say that the physical existence of humans is merely the result of chance, I know that the way all the events and emotions in my life took place over time could not have happened so perfectly without God's love. The way I think is often very different from the way people around me think, and I'm definitely not the kind of person that wants to go out there and argue and debate and make everyone believe that I'm right and they're wrong. God created every person differently, and we all have different experiences that shape our lives. But the funny thing is that the more Chan-Mi and I talked, the more we realized we actually have a lot more in common than we thought. We all have little things in our lives that we wish other people don't have to know about, but at the same time, it feels so good to know that we're not alone. So I came home not only glad that I got to go out and have fun on a weekday night, but also filled with the joy of the realization that I'm so blessed to have the life God gave me, and to have people around me to share that joy with.

11/02: Another busy weekend. Friday - Went fishing to celebrate Halloween! Chan-Mi actually had a costume for me, so I put it to use and took a few pics, so I can claim that I actually dressed up =). Went to Steven's house after work and chilled there until Ray and Steven's uncle arrived, then we headed out for our adventure on the pier. With Steven's uncle present, we actually had more rods than people, even after Daniel and Brian showed up. The Biggest Fish award goes to Brian, but if angel sharks count as fish, then Steven technically gets the prize. Those things look quite scary, and it was a nice Halloween surprise. The only problem was getting it unhooked from the line - it's extremely hyper, and nobody wanted to stick their fingers into its mouth. After all, it's a shark. So the best solution was to give up the hook. At least it was fun kicking it around the pier before watching it fall back in the water.

Saturday - Got to catch up on sleep, and spent most of the day relaxing at home talking on the phone and getting some work done. PACT was a nice surprise, since I didn't expect to go tonight (because I was supposed to have a concert, which got cancelled for various reasons). An extra hour meant more time to hang out and also more time to sleep.

Today - The ClayMusic rehearsal was moved to 2:15, and even though it might have caused some inconvenience for people who had to sit at church doing nothing for an hour, it was perfect for me =). There was just enough time for me to join Shaw, his friend, Grover, Jennifer, Joan, and Jary at Ono for some Hawaiian BBQ before heading back to church for practice. Practice felt long, probably because it got dark a lot earlier than I was used to. But we're sounding a lot better than before, and I'm starting to look forward to the 11/22 concert (see previous entry) more and more. If I consider this too tiring, then I better stop complaining because it's gonna be so much harder starting tomorrow when I'm teaching and all the students get the feeling that it's already time for me to leave.