02/28: It’s already past 1:30 in the morning, and I just got home after an amazing couple days at UCLA. It’s amazing not only because I got to take a little vacation and see all my friends there, but also because so much of this trip turned out so much unexpectedly greater than I thought it would be. Today was the first time that I literally had no break from morning until night; there were so many people to see and so much to do that I had no time to go car spotting in Bel-Air, sit down by myself and eat some snacks, or even grab a free soda at Bruin Cafe during the day. In fact, I forgot all about that free soda opportunity, a privilege I often abuse during my visits, until after dinner when I was already too stuffed to desire any food or drink. Here’s a quick summary of the trip-

Friday- Arrived at UCLA at around 6:40 in the evening. I had already assumed that my tentative dinner plans would be cancelled, but it didn’t bother me, since I always had the option of going to Grace on Campus. After all, like I wrote before I left, there’s always room for spontaneity. After grabbing a quick dinner (soda + fortune cookies) at Rendezvous, I made some phone calls to kick off the trip. (Most of my plans don’t get settled until I arrive and call people to figure out the details). I met up with Julia outside Covel and talked for a little bit until she had to leave. Then I went to GOC in time to catch most of the worship songs and the sermon. I decided to surprise Derek again, and Jerry and I surprised each other, since he happened to be checking out GOC and I happened to be there too. In keeping with tradition, Derek and I went to Puzzles for chicken nuggets and curly fries. After that, I went to visit Matt at his apartment and we got to catch up for a while. The day ended at Jerry and Antony’s room, where I ended up spending the night.

Saturday - Met with Jenny and Victoria for breakfast/brunch. Of course, we chose Novel Cafe for the sake of good food and bringing back good memories from our previous brunch together. Jenny left to go to church, and Victoria and I walked up to Kerchoff, where she was supposed to study. We ended up talking for an additional hour and a half. When I finally decided to shut up and let her study, I met with Christine(Shen) at the Bruin Bear and we walked up to Rieber to use the piano room. Long story short, Christine is writing some songs and I’m helping her out. Of course, our couple hours in the music room involved plenty of talking and laughing that is unrelated to what we should have been working on. But at the end we accomplished everything we needed to, and we’re both really looking forward to seeing how these projects will eventually turn out.

Next destination – Derek and Harry’s room in Hedrick. Apparently there was a big dinner event for GOC people, so Derek offered to let me use his dinner swipe that would otherwise go to waste. Harry decided to give me the same offer. In fact, they both gave me their after-dinner swipes too. Thanks to their generosity, I had far more swipes than could ever ask for. I went to visit Christine(Dang) and Trinh, then met with Sophia at 6 for dinner at DeNeve. That helped me take care of one swipe. We ended up staying in that dining hall until 8:30, enjoying dinner, desserts, “teafee” (she still remembers my teafee! =) ), and plenty of time to talk and catch up. As if I didn’t have enough to eat, we went to Bruin Cafe afterwards so I could exchange another swipe for a green tea ice blend. Then we went to browse around the Hilltop store and sat on the floor in a random aisle to talk. (Like I said, there’s plenty of room for spontaneity, and I totally love it!). Harry returned from his dinner, and since he insisted that I had to use both swipes on his BruinCard, I got a smoothie to go along with the ice blend that was only half finished at the time. Went with Sophia back to her room to visit for a little bit, then met with Derek at Bruin Cafe (again) to return his card and get yet another smoothie. Jerry was there too, and we talked for a bit until they left to go to Casino Night (at Covel). I went back to Christine and Trinh’s room, since we only got to talk for a short while before I left for dinner. Christine eventually had to leave, and I stayed and talked with Trinh until a little past midnight. Then I decided that I should leave simply for the sake of being able to drive home safely.

This was my eleventh post-graduation UCLA visit, and I’d visited enough times to know without doubt that visits near the end of the quarter tend to be the more mellow ones. Everyone is busy writing essays and preparing for exams, and I have taught myself to not be surprised when people tell me they’re too busy to meet up because of academics. I’ve been a UCLA student too, and I know what it’s like to be caught up in so much stress that I wish everyone around me could shut up and leave me alone. Personally, I believe that most of the time when people tell me they’re busy studying, it’s really not as life-threatening as they make it seem. Stress often causes people to exaggerate their busyness, when in reality a short break to relax and hang out is both healthy and beneficial to their studying process. But of course, I don’t intend to bother any of the people I visit, so when they tell me they’re busy, I take their word for it and shut up. If I could sum up this trip in one word, it would be spontaneity. Everything is ultimately in God’s control, but it’s spontaneous in the sense that I neither have control nor attempt to take control. In the middle of a life characterized by a busy work schedule that requires me to plan everything extremely early, it’s great to take a couple days off and just let life work itself out. Each one of my past UCLA visits has been so different, yet none has failed to make me content. One of the most exciting things for me to do is simply show up with no specific expectations and watch my schedule unfold before my eyes. This time, I expected nothing more than a typical Week-8 visit consisting of seeing people who are too overwhelmed by busyness to really spend much quality time together and taking joy from simply being able to reunite with my friends, even if it’s just for brief moments. But it turned out to be far more than that, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that the way this trip unfolded has truly been a miracle.

I had planned to not call Jerry until this morning, since I didn’t want him to feel like I’m hinting at needing a place to spend the night (I already spent the night in his room during my past two visits), but it just so happened that his friend invited him to visit Grace on Campus last night, and after we ran into each other there, he offered to let me spend the night without me having to say a word. I had decided to not call Sophia about this particular visit because I knew she would be busy and I didn’t want to be a distraction, but last night she happened to spontaneously check my website and pick up the phone to call me. We ended up having more time to talk tonight than even the times when she had far less to stress about. One friend that I tried to contact about this visit early in the week had not replied to my phone calls in so long that I almost assumed she was annoyed at me visiting so much and didn’t want to talk to me. But we happened to cross paths on campus, and after she saw me first and called out my name, we had a conversation during which I realized all my assumptions were wrong. And of course, access to dorm food is always a surprise. Who would have guessed that I would end up with two dinner swipes and two night swipes at my disposal? Derek and Harry knew that I was by no means trying to ask them for their swipes, but since they had dinner off campus and were unable to use their swipes, I was in a sense doing them a favor too. In that case, why would I say no? There were several people who I see regularly during my UCLA visits that I did not get to see this time because they are busy, and even though I was a little disappointed at not being able to see them, it freed up a lot more time for spontaneity, which resulted in me being able to spend more time with people I didn’t expect to see or spend as much time with. To an extent, I see each UCLA visit as a series of divine appointments planned by God to give Him glory through my interactions with people. Because of that, I never attempt to force things to turn out in any particular way. I see those who I get to see, and for those who I don’t get to see, I believe it’s simply not the right timing and that better opportunities to see them are yet to come. In the end, no matter how all the little details work themselves out, I never find myself disappointed.

There has never been a single UCLA visit that didn’t leave me overjoyed. And the purpose of my visits is far more than to gain the simple shallow pleasure of getting to see so many of my friends. By seeing my friends go through college life, I am reminded of how much God has blessed me during my own years at UCLA. My experiences both in college and after graduation often serve as blessings to those I visit, and I always feel blessed through the conversations that we have. With every one of my friends at UCLA, I can spend hours talking about all the great memories of how we met, how we became friends, and all the things we’ve gone through together. And as we all grow older, those memories become increasingly valuable, placing a deep joy in our hearts and making us glad that our friendships can continue to prosper and produce new memories for the future. I feel honored to have met friends during their freshman year and to be able to have a role in their college careers throughout the years. And I believe that if we continue to treasure the importance of putting in effort for the sake of quality friendships, our friendships will remain even after they graduate too.

Many people still think I’m crazy for visiting UCLA so often, and sometimes I even consider myself a bit on the crazy side as I spend hours contacting people and planning these visits. I often ask myself if it’s really worth it for me to commit so much to my friends who are still in college even though I already graduated. And I always check my motives to make sure I visit friends out of love for them rather than out of selfish desires. Right now, I’m overjoyed after another exciting visit, not because I felt socially accepted or well taken care of, but rather because I truly felt appreciated and blessed.

The things I am thankful for right now are far too many for me to list. Needless to say, all the unexpected favors I received have made my visit far more luxurious than I expected it to be. And at this point in the quarter, sometimes even simply getting to spend time with people makes me thankful. I know that they have so many things to do, yet they are willing to take out surprisingly large amounts of time to see me. Even though we live separate lives and only get to see each other occasionally, we still make effort to show that we treasure our friendships. I feel appreciated because I now know with no doubt that the welcome I receive there is genuine, and people want to see me as much as I want to see them. Every conversation with every person during this trip has been a blessing for me. I got to encourage some people with the knowledge that comes from being a graduate, and at the same time I was deeply encouraged by interacting with them and being a part of their lives. True friendship bridges the gap between different stages of life. True friendship transcends the weeks between my visits that we spend without seeing each other. True friendship lives on no matter how busy or stressed we are, and even though we go through times when we’re too busy or stressed to show our concern, in the end we are still there for each other. And that makes me thankful beyond words for such an exciting and eventful third and final visit during this quarter. Our lives are all series of incredible stories, and I feel blessed to have so many great friends in my life and to be a part of theirs. I praise God for another amazing weekend at UCLA, and pray that my friendships there will continue to grow and prosper. I wish everyone the best during finals week and look forward to returning again after spring break.

02/26: Got a little surprise this morning - Cinda happened to be in Walnut and wanted to hang out! So we went to lunch at Happy Crab, Life Plaza, or whatever the place is called now. It's been forever since we got to see each other and hang out, and I'm glad she decided to take advantage of my free mornings (even though she should have been in class! =/ haha). A week and a half ago I realized that I needed to put a little more effort into my social life amidst my busy work schedule, and it definitely made this week much more exciting than a typical workweek. Speaking of social life, tomorrow evening after work I'll be going to UCLA to hang out until Saturday (evening or night... it depends). I've already called/IMed several people, and I know it's gonna be another exciting visit. And of course, as with every UCLA visit, there's plenty of room for spontaneity. It's gonna be a busy weekend, but I look forward to all the exciting things that will surprise me.

02/22: SNU Time =). Yesterday's "Cars & Doughnuts" meet was pretty awesome - the only disappointment was that there were no Ferraris. Come on, F-Chat guys, where are you?? But we did have a Porsche 996 GT2, Ford GT, Nissan GT-R, MB CLK Black Series, and Lambo LP640 with straight pipes (of course, I caught it on video). This is supposed to be a monthly event - in that case, I'm definitely going next month =).

Went to Costco with Mom & Carol, then went to hang out (spotting) in Diamond Bar with Rushi. Not that there's anything life-changing around there in this kind of hazy weather, but at least we got to chat for a long time and figure out some plans for future spotting adventures.

Today - Went to church, then had Thai Food for lunch - apparently there's another Thai restaurant near Banana Bay. And it's pretty good. I can't even remember the last time we went out to eat after church... so this is definitely a good change. And of course, we took up about half the entire restaurant =). Juliann came over to hang out afterwards until she had to get back to UCI.

Other than that, I've been working on a lot of small music projects recently. It's been forever since I messed with Logic Pro, and I'm glad I got addicted again. Looks like I'll be staring at my computer screen a lot this week...

02/20: Had lunch with Ken today at Applebee’s. I’m glad to finally have a chance to go out and have some fun during the daytime, since it often feels like my day doesn’t really start until I go to work in the afternoon. Apparently there’s a monthly car meet in City of Industry, and this month’s event is tomorrow morning, so I’ll be checking it out. The only downside is having to wake up at 7 in the morning. Why do rich people like waking up so early to show off their cars? Speaking of lacking sleep, I stayed up til about 2AM last night talking on the phone with Christine(S). It’s been a very long time since I had a quality phone conversation like this. And our conversation also helped me confirm my next UCLA visit – next weekend (End of week 8)! It’s gonna be a very short visit this time, but I said I’ll visit one more time this quarter and I’m definitely not taking those words back =).

02/16: Taking a break from organizing several thousand pictures from the China tour. This is probably the largest single set of pictures I’ve ever had to sort and post, and God only knows how long it will take to finish. At least I have a pretty good amount of free time these days, so I’ll definitely put it to good use.

Speaking of free time, I’m realizing more and more that the one bad thing about my job as a tutor right now is the awkward hours – I’m free in the morning when everyone else has either school or work, and I’m working at night when everyone else is free. Earlier today I took advantage of the Presidents’ Day holiday to enjoy some dim sum with Jary, Joan, and Ken. It made me realize how long it’s been since I last made plans to go out to eat with friends. Usually on a day like this when lots of people don’t have to go to work and many college students are back home, it’s rare for me to find myself sitting at home for most of the day. Days like this typically fill up quickly, and I often have to insist that people make plans early just so I’ll actually have time to see them. Today was definitely very different, and even though I’m very thankful for a day to relax at home, something definitely feels missing.

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense why things turned out like this. With my typical workday ending somewhere between 10 and 11PM (sometimes even later), I don’t really have a chance to contact the people I usually talk to. Last month I challenged myself to accepting new students to fill up my schedule, and I definitely don’t regret doing so. Last month’s work schedule was extremely busy, mostly due to students having final exams that made them need additional tutoring. Compared to then, I should be very thankful for how much free time I have now. But sometimes I simply allow myself to settle for the quiet and boring routine of coming home from work and doing nothing until I decide to go to sleep. I’m slowly starting to forget the need to take initiative with keeping in touch with my friends, and I know that I need to get my act together as soon as possible.

Now that I’ve adapted to my busy work schedule, it’s time for a new challenge – to balance this schedule with my social life. I’ve always believed that my social life should be a part of my everyday life. Right now, it seems like my social life only flourishes during my occasional UCLA visits and at weekly church activities. I don’t want my UCLA friends to feel like I only talk to them when I’m about to plan another visit. And I definitely don’t want my other friends to feel neglected because I rarely have time to go online or call them. The truth is that right now I can definitely squeeze out the extra time if I want to, simply by disciplining myself to wake up earlier, get more done in the morning, and be motivated to invest in these relationships whenever possible. I’ve always believed (and convinced many people around me) that a healthy life should involve a good balance of fun (spending time with friends, eating, etc) and responsibilities (school, work, etc), so it only makes sense that I do my best to live such a life. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new week of work. Let the challenge begin.

02/14: Valentine’s Day. This day stirs up a wide range of emotions among the people around me. Some look forward to carrying out their romantic dinner plans (or being surprised by their significant others), while others complain about being single and not having anyone special to spend the day with. Throughout the years, my attitude toward Valentine’s Day has always been somewhere in the middle. I never had a significant other to celebrate with, but I never complained either. I still celebrate, because love has never ceased to exist around me and motivate me in just about everything. But a day like this always makes me want to think about what love, particularly romantic love, has meant to me over the years, and how love’s role in my life may change in the future.

Perhaps not many people know this about me, but I’ve actually fallen in love with many girls throughout my high school and college years. And there are many reasons I did. When I was a teenager struggling with socially acceptance, I liked girls simply because they paid attention to me. At one point I liked girls because they had particular things in common with me that I thought were important, and because I thought they were the most beautiful people I would ever meet in my life. When I entered college and chose my major, I liked girls because our similarities could benefit our futures. Perhaps some of them realized that I liked them, but it was never my intention to make it obvious. I thought about them day and night, wishing they were next to me in just about everything I did, but on the outside I remained silent, treating them as friends and nothing more. I knew that I had a lot to learn before I was ready for a girlfriend. Even though jumping into a relationship always involves some degree of risk, to me that risk was too big. So each time I fell in love, I simply decided to wait.

I had many things to wait for. I wanted to wait until I entered college. I wanted to wait until my faith in God was more mature. I wanted to wait until I got to interact with enough girls to know exactly what I’m looking for in a girlfriend. I wanted to wait until I was capable of being a more responsible boyfriend and had the means of taking care of her. Then I wanted to wait until I graduated from college and found a job. And now, a part of me wants to wait until I have a more steady income and a clearer direction for my future. I know I simply can’t go on waiting forever, because no matter what stage of life I’m in, there will always be areas that I feel like I need to improve in. A relationship involves two imperfect people learning together and helping each other grow. As much as I dream of making my first relationship as perfect as possible, it’s simply unrealistic to expect myself to be perfect to begin with. The real question I need to ask myself is when I’ll reach a point where having a girlfriend will not hinder our individual growths, but help both me and her grow as a couple and as individuals.

I’m still searching for the answer to that question right now. Through waiting over the years, I’ve not only avoided many paths that I would have ended up regretting, but also gained a lot of wisdom regarding my views on relationships. Of course, a part of that wisdom won’t come until I first decide to jump into a relationship. So when will that time come? Am I actually in love right now? To be honest, I think I may be. Then again, all those times in the past when I thought I was in love, I ended up eventually realizing that my understanding of love was very flawed. But each time I fall in love, I find myself more mature than I was in previous times, and something inside me tells me that my love is more genuine than it ever was before. While I once imagined loving a girl as simply having her by my side all the time, I now envision a future of going through life together and helping each other grow with a love that can only come from God. As crazy as it may sound, I do believe in “happily ever after”. Yes, we will have disagreements, arguments, conflicts, and maybe even fights. But if we strive to live for God’s purpose in our lives, seeking His will above our own, there is a promise that all things will work for good, and each struggle we face will eventually result in a story that we can look back on and rejoice over. I’m not perfect, and I shouldn’t expect my girlfriend or wife to be perfect either. That’s why we need God. His love is the only perfect love, and that love never fails.

A couple months ago, I went to visit a friend and found an interesting quote in her room - “A woman’s heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her”. Those words served as an excellent reminder to me that I should be seeking God rather than simply seeking a girlfriend. After all, the only way to achieve that “happily ever after” is to follow God’s unfailing love. Relationships are and always will be complicated, but with God comes wisdom to discern what is right and wrong amidst those complications. Each year when Valentine’s Day comes around, it makes me reflect on how my views on love have matured in the past year and write those reflections down so I can look back at them in the future. God only knows what will happen between now and next year’s V-Day, whether it’s continuing to mature in love like I am now or stepping into a relationship and maturing together with someone special. Perhaps she’s someone I have yet to meet, or perhaps she’s someone that I think I may be in love with at this very moment. The only thing I know for sure is that with every new breath I’m closer than ever before to finding her. Because God is the greatest author of love and the only perfect love, I rejoice and celebrate each Valentine’s Day knowing that He will always provide. One day I will get to spend this day with a girl that I want to spend eternity with. One day I will take the risk and let God’s love unite me with someone that can help complete His purpose in my life. God is always faithful, and His love never fails. I will continue to seek Him, and He will continue to write my life’s love story.

02/10: Last night I had the honor of being part of a jazz recording session at Uncle Samuel’s. It started last year when Marcus got a role as the main actor of a short Christian film about a saxophone player. Long story short, he finished writing the tune, and I got to help with the chords a little. John (the director) recruited Marcus, Zach, Daniel, and I to record the music, which will be the theme music of the movie. We spent several hours last night at Uncle Samuel’s studio perfecting our performance. Perfect it definitely isn’t, but at the end we’re all content. To be honest, I’m no jazz musician, even though many people think I am. I love jazz, and to me it’s a great honor to have the chance to work with these professional jazz performers and learn from them. I was nervous beyond words when I realized I was being treated like a professional musician, meaning they expect me to be able to jump on the keys and start playing solos and keep up with them. It’s during times like this that I’m once again reminded of God’s promise to always lead my way as a musician, as long as I’m willing to trust Him. Next month the movie will be filmed, and I pray that the end result will give God glory like it’s intended to.

For the most part, this week seems like a pretty relaxing one. I had plenty of free time in the weekend, and put it to very good use so I don’t feel nearly as stressed now. The next big thing I need to do is organize a few thousand pictures from the China tour and post them. God only knows how long that’s gonna take, but with so many little miscellaneous tasks out of the way, it doesn’t feel like that big of a burden. Recently I had the chance to talk to several friends who are going through some big struggles, and I feel blessed to have the opportunity to be a part of their lives during these times of trouble. By listening to them and helping them, I learned a great deal about God and about prayer. It definitely changed my attitude toward my everyday life in a good way, and I hope this change will not fade away over time. Right now there are some things I can’t get off my mind regarding decisions that are completely out of my control. I’m frustrated partly because I’m a bit angry at having to go through seemingly unnecessary hassles, and partly because I don’t like having absolutely no control over my life’s decisions. But it’s during times like this that I learn to simply trust in God, so I pray that He will continue to let His will be done in my life.

02/04: For all of you exotic car freaks out there, here's a little eye candy for you. After a brief 20-minute car spotting session on Sunset Blvd and about an hour and a half in Beverly Hills last Saturday, I'm far beyond satisfied. I shot several rare classics - a Jaguar XK120 SE, a Bentley S3 Continental Mulliner Park Ward Coupe, and a Ferrari 330 GT 2+2. Other highlights include a Lamborghini Gallardo SE, a Dodge Viper SRT-10 Copperhead Edition, a RR Phantom Drophead Coupe, a Porsche 911 (997) GT3 RS, and a Mercedes SL65 AMG (new version). But of course, I save the best for last. So feast your eyes, because I definitely did.

02/03: I know my life is a bit too busy when there's no time to write my SNU until Tuesday morning. Quick summary of UCLA Visit #10-

Friday - Arrived at UCLA at around 11:00AM. Did a quick walk around the Hill and ran into Rebecca. Went to visit her in Rieber Terrace - a rare opportunity considering how much her phone hates me and ignores my calls =/. Then went to Elizabeth's junior recital in SMB. For those who didn't know, that's the primary reason I decided to visit UCLA again just two weeks after the previous visit. Enjoyed an awesome performance and an awesome reception, and saw a lot of familiar faces at SMB that I hadn't seen since I graduated. It's never too late to catch up =). Walked back up the Hill with Jessie and went to hang out with some IV people at Deneve, since a bunch of them were just getting ready to leave for FroshCon. I joined Jessie and Esther to watch "The King and the Clown", which sadly I didn't get to finish, since I already planned to go to GOC. Maybe when I have time I'll go on YouTube and finish the rest =). There was just enough time for me to grab a quick soda and fortune-cookie-dinner before going to GOC. Sat with Mike and Derek - I didn't tell Derek I was visiting this time, cuz I knew I would see him at GOC and thought it would be fun to surprise him. And it was fun indeed =). We went to Puzzles afterwards for some nuggets, then saw Jerry and sat with him for a while too. Next event - hang out with Sue! We went to Bruin Cafe and talked for a while, then I went to Rieber Terrace to visit Christine(Dang) and Maggie (Trinh was gone =/ ). Spent the night at Jerry's room, which he got locked out of just before I showed up on his floor. Considering I tend to have trouble sleeping well in the middle of my ever-so-exciting UCLA visits, it was a miracle that I fell asleep quickly and rested well.

Saturday- Got up at around 10, talked with Jerry for a bit, then left so he could concentrate on his homework (Come on, who writes essays on a Saturday morning!?). With about 20 minutes to kill before brunch, I treated myself to a brief car-spotting session on Sunset Blvd by Covel (the West Gate was the ideal location, but the time it took to get there would make it not worthwhile), and shot a GT-R and Gallardo SE among several others. Met with Michelle(Chan) at DeNeve for brunch. One of my favorite things about visiting UCLA is that I can never predict who I'll run into - I ran into Michelle randomly during the previous visit, and that's how we decided to meet up this time. I walked with her to Powell, then met with Tammy at Ackerman turnaround for a little adventure in the city. First we walked around Westwood for a bit, then went to Sushi Mac for an awesome lunch. I usually consider Sushi a bit expensive for such a small quantity, but considering I already had a huge brunch, it was an excellent idea. We walked around the Japanese market across the street, then went to Starbucks, where she interviewed me (and recorded it!). It's for a class project, so it's nothing for me to be nervous about - it was actually quite fun. And my cup of Java Chip turned out to be a lot bigger than expected. Not that I'm complaining =). 4:00PM - Back on campus, I suddenly realized I had no plans for the rest of the evening. So I decided to seize the last hour and a half of sunlight and enjoy a rush-hour car-spotting trip to Beverly Hills. It was definitely worthwhile, but I'll save the cars for another entry when I have time. Back at UCLA, I called Christine(Shen), who I briefly saw at GOC but didn't really have time to talk to. Went to visit her at her apartment - we took a walk, then sat and talked for what definitely did not feel like three hours. It was around 11 at night already, and a call from Ken, who just got home from Taiwan and wanted me to visit (at home), helped me decide to head home a bit earlier. Then again, I didn't actually leave until almost midnight, since I agreed to give Jeanelle a ride home, then ran into Derek who swiped me for a smoothie =). Jeanelle kept me company on the way home before I went to visit Ken. Unlike previous UCLA visits, this one technically didn't end until I actually got home.

Sunday - Not getting enough sleep left me a bit lightheaded, and having to teach for a few hours after church didn't help too much either. But there was plenty to look forward to - an awesome barbecue party at Ken's house! When it comes to barbecue, it's always a good idea to trust Ken with the grille =). I took Joan and Jary home afterwards, then went home just in time for a quick family time (Carol was busy and got home later than our usual meeting time too) before going to sleep.

So yea, that's my busy weekend. Now let's hope I'll get caught up on everything I need to do at home, including editing pictures and writing a bajillion emails (mostly in Chinese!). My teaching schedule should be mostly settled down at this point (since nobody has finals), and since I already visited UCLA twice this quarter, the next visit should be around 4 weeks away, probably around Week 8. (It's just a wild guess for now, the time will be decided when it comes closer). That leaves me with a lot more free time on weekends too. I'll just focus on being productive and doing one thing at a time so I don't get too stressed out. After all, most of the things I "need" to do are actually voluntary to an extent. Anyways, it's time to eat lunch and get ready for another day of work, so I'll shut up now!

01/29: The insane tutoring schedule around finals time has finally calmed down a bit, and meanwhile I've improved a lot at making the most out of my free time, which is almost entirely in the morning. Hot Cocoa night with Chan-Mi resumed this past Monday night, and hopefully we'll have time to make it a weekly event again. Most of my free time at home is currently dedicated to editing pictures and videos, as well as organizing stuff on my computer. I just uploaded some pics from last year, including an early family Christmas party, the UCLA/Santa Monica visit with Mom and Kayla, and all the fishing trips with Steven & gang. There's still plenty more to come, as soon as I have time to edit them one album at a time. For now, it's time for me to start packing, cuz tomorrow morning I'm leaving for UCLA again! =)

01/26: Thoughts from the Sky 2: Reflections on my second visit to China

When I wrote the original “Thoughts from the Sky” (09/04/2006), I had no idea that I would have a chance to return to Fujian again two years later. Knowing how much the first trip had impacted my life, I couldn’t say no to the offer. Like on the previous trip, I went this time as the pianist for the missionary music team ClayMusic. We have all grown a lot as Christians and musicians in these past two years, and while the first trip consisted of us being a small part of the sermon-based programs, this time we were able to hold full concerts to share God’s love through our music and testimonies. For eleven days, we traveled from city to city in Fujian, performing for some of the largest audiences we have ever faced. Today is the eleventh day, and it’s that time when everything that happened on the trip seems to start fading into the past as our airplane carries us back home.

This past week and a half has definitely been an adventure, and I believe it’s important to capture the countless things I learned in a way that I can look back on in the future and continue to be impacted by. I had not planned to title this journal after my previous entry about China, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that this trip was in many ways a sequel to the first one, and that the things I learned fall into the same eight categories I used in the original “Thoughts from the Sky”. In each of those areas, God used the combination of my knowledge from the previous trip and my new experiences to teach me new lessons that simply cannot be learned without going through an adventure like this. It would be a shame to let these things disappear into the past, and I feel obliged to write them all down while they are still fresh on my mind. It will definitely take some time, but on a 13-hour flight across the Pacific Ocean, time is never too short.

On Missions:

Our trip was definitely nothing like the typical feed-the-homeless, heal-the-sick mission trips that many Christians travel across the world for. We were treated like kings, living in luxurious hotels and enjoying buffets for breakfast and fancy banquets for lunch and dinner every day. Because we performed at government-established churches, we did not have to fear persecution. And needless to say, the excitement of performing in front of thousands of people made it easy at times to forget that we were on a mission trip.

My previous trip to Fujian was both my first mission trip and my first time visiting China. This time, I brought with me a more mature view of missions and an understanding of the hearts of the people we were serving. Because our concerts were hosted by the churches, our audience consisted largely of Christians. One member of our team commented that with an audience like ours, the tour shouldn’t really be considered a mission trip. Something in me told me I had to disagree. Sometimes our view of missions consists of only how many nonbelievers we directly lead to Christ. But just because we leave a place, it doesn’t mean God’s work there is done. Our concerts have not only helped nonbelievers open their hearts to God, but also encouraged believers to seek God more passionately. It is through those passionate believers that many more will come to know Christ in the long run, so by no means should we overlook them.

The purpose of a mission trip is to fulfill the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20). Jesus spent His years of ministry not only sharing the gospel with nonbelievers, but also raising up disciples. It was through the faith of those disciples that the church continued to grow after Christ’s death and resurrection. Because the churches we visited in China are under government control, many Christians there are desperate for a fresh outlook on God, and God has called us to give them that outlook through our music and testimonies. At the same time, God used us to help unbelievers get a glimpse of His love and prompt them to dedicate their lives to Him for the first time. If our concerts can be a blessing to both believers and nonbelievers, then it is without doubt a mission trip, and God is without doubt using us to further His kingdom in China.

On Music:

When people asked me what I was going to China for, I told them it was a mix of a mission trip and a concert tour. A part of me didn’t feel comfortable calling it the latter, since it seemed to imply a little more glamour than we expected. But as each day went by on the trip, I became increasingly confident that we were indeed on a concert tour, and a very big one too. We traveled from place to place, met all kinds of people, and went through the daily routine of setting up, soundchecking, and performing. We performed for audiences numbering in the thousands, and were greeted by countless people asking for autographs and pictures. And this was a daily routine; we performed for ten consecutive days, either in the morning, at night, or both. Is this not exactly what a concert tour should be?

There were definitely many moments on this trip when we felt like nothing less than celebrities. During those times I often asked myself if it was right for us to receive so much attention. I was reminded of the times when I went to concerts of my favorite Christian artists. When they told the audience to stand, everyone stood up. When they asked us to sing or clap, we all followed. When they sang, played, or spoke, everyone listened. And the purpose of their words and music was simply to give God glory. I realized that when it comes to being a Christian artist, it all boils down to where my heart is. It was God who gave each of our team members our unique abilities and talents, and it was God who nurtured us to this point where we can use our music to bless not only our own church, but many churches around the world. As for the attention we received as performers, I see it as another a gift from God, because with that attention comes respect, and with respect comes an eagerness to explore our God-centered lives. Each of us has amazing stories of how we came to know God and how He shaped our lives and continues to do so, but it is no use to tell these stories if people’s hearts are hardened. It is only after they open their hearts to us that we can effectively share ours with them.

That’s why music is so important. Music is a universal language, bridging the gap between different cultures and generations. Music is the key to our hearts, humbling us and exposing us to a beauty that words cannot describe. I have no doubt that what we did in China was exactly what God wanted us to do there. It really doesn’t matter how people see us on the surface, because the most important thing is whether or not we allowed God to work through us. Hundreds of people accepted Christ through our concerts, and many more who were already Christians were deeply encouraged. While we as a team are able to practice hard and perfect our performance, we do not have the power to decide what God will do through us, no matter how well we perform. Throughout this trip, we faced countless unexpected hardships that forced us to be humble and let God take control. On one hand, we enjoyed being on stage in front of thousands of enthusiastic people – an experience most musicians can only dream of. On the other hand, we were constantly humbled by the knowledge that we are nothing without God – a realization that allows us to remember the purpose of our trip and seek to glorify God above all else. I wrote two years ago, and still agree, that music, when backed by prayer and used for God's glory, has the power to bridge the gap between the divine and the worldly, letting people see a glimpse of His beauty. I praise God for the many musical gifts He has blessed our team with, and feel extremely blessed to be able to use these gifts to spread His love in China.

On Teamwork:

A few concerts into the tour, we encountered an unpleasant surprise. While surveying the church the previous night, we discovered that its stage equipment was so primitive that it would be impossible for us to hold a live concert. As a result, we were forced to settle with only having the singers go on stage and sing to recordings of the songs while the instrumentalists sat with the audience and watched. I was quite disappointed when I heard the news, and because the concert was in the morning and required waking up extremely early, I began wishing that the instrumentalists would be given the option of sleeping in and not attending to the concert at all.

It was wrong of me to think that way, as I soon learned. As the trip progressed, we learned that it is very important to always stick together as a team. It may seem like a basic concept, but sometimes it takes a trip like this to help us truly understand it. Each of us went through times when we needed help, whether it was moving luggage into the hotel or figuring out details during a concert. There were plenty of opportunities for us to step in and help others, and it became clear to all of us that in order to produce the best overall result, we must work as a team.

As a performer, it’s easy to unintentionally forget the importance of our team members who work offstage to contribute to the success of each concert. Some of our singers alternated roles as media controllers, putting up videos and PowerPoint slides so the audience could sing along and reflect on the words. A few of us never went on stage at all, but simply helped with coordinating events and arranging our schedule. One team member was put in charge of photography, taking thousands of pictures to capture the trip so that many more people can get a glimpse of the great things God has done. And of course, we can’t forget our sound engineer, who has traveled with the group countless times and always does his best to make sure our music sounds as good as possible. Throughout the trip, each of us had plenty of reasons to be disappointed or frustrated, whether it was malfunctioning equipment, insufficient time to prepare, or a lack of organization. In my times of frustration, it’s easy for me to become overly selfish and start expecting others do exactly what I want them to do. But as I spent more time with each team member, I began to understand that we all have individual concerns and needs, and sometimes other people’s concerns may need to take priority over my own.

As I watched the singers perform early in the morning from the audience’s perspective, God began to open my eyes. Those of us who didn’t get to perform found other roles to play. Some of us took pictures of the concert, while others helped with the sound board. I did a little of both, and also spent some time walking around the back of the church, seeing people worship God from the bottom of their hearts. Rather than always being on the stage getting attention, this time I got to experience simply listening and being blessed by the music that God has first blessed us with. It gave me the important reminder that we are servants of God and should not take any moment of the trip for granted. The success of each concert is the result of a team effort. Sometimes we need to make individual sacrifices, but in the end we can all rejoice in our success as a team. And the most important thing is that God is also a part of our team, both as the leader and as a member. He watches over us and guides our every step, and He also meets us in our own individual needs. Our team ultimately has one purpose – to do our best with what He gives us and to give Him glory by doing so.

On Churches:

While setting up equipment before a concert with another team member, a group of girls in school uniforms came to talk to us, curious about what we were doing. We asked if they attended church before, and they said no. We then asked why they came, and they told us simply that they were bored. It amazed me that people would wander into churches out of boredom, but it demonstrates the very attitude that allows God to work in people’s hearts. Religion isn’t about sparking up controversies and fighting to see who’s right and wrong, but it is about simply acknowledging that we as humans are imperfect and need a savior. The external beauty of the churches in China isn’t a display of extravagant wealth, but rather a means of giving God glory. People on the streets see it and are attracted to it, and it’s not uncommon to see passersby taking pictures in front of churches or even inside the buildings. And because their hearts are not hardened toward God, they are blessed through being able to interact with people who demonstrate God’s love in their lives.

Two years ago, I witnessed for the first time the spiritual hunger of the churches in China, which prompts people to travel long distances, arrive early, sit or stand in crowded and uncomfortable conditions, and pour out their hearts to God. It was an experience that never ceases to inspire me as a Christian, and I knew that upon returning to Fujian I would once again be filled with that same passion. It blows my mind each time I see people arrive at church hours before the program begins just so they can have a seat inside the building. Rather than complain about the long wait, they spend the time patiently talking to people around them, or simply praying to God or worshipping. Amidst the many distractions that take place during the concerts, they continue to focus on God. During one of our largest concerts, an announcement had to be made for people to not stand in the doorway in order to prevent a fire hazard. Everyone heard it, but no one moved. The music kept going, and people continued to pour out their hearts to God.

Of course, it would be wrong to assume that every single person came to church with pure motives. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that some of the people came to see us rather than to worship God. But like I mentioned earlier, God blessed us with the ability to earn the audience’s respect, and that ability allows them to see God through us. Because of the government’s control over the churches, it is very rare for Americans to have an opportunity to work with them, not to mention hold a two-hour concert. Many people came because they have heard of us before, and many came simply because we were from America. But regardless of how or why they came, the point is that they actually came, and for that they were given the opportunity to be blessed by God through our team.

As my conversation with the schoolgirls continued, I told them we came from America and were holding a concert that night, and invited them to come. Every one of them showed up. In fact, they all came an hour early and got very good seats. The motives behind their decision to come are not for me to judge, but I know that they had stepped into an opportunity to meet the God who can transform their lives. Perhaps they were blessed by our music that night. Or perhaps God simply planted a seed in their hearts that would sprout in the future. They, along with the thousands of other people we performed for, leave me deeply inspired and wishing that people back in America would also have the same willingness and hunger to experience God.

On Success:

Compared to the previous trip, this tour was definitely more successful in terms of meeting my own expectations, but maybe it’s because this time I had a better idea of what to expect. I warned the other musicians long before the trip that things in China will not go as planned, and one concert was enough for them to see it for themselves. Our first concert took place at a large church with excellent architecture and not-so-excellent sound equipment, to put it nicely. They had no amplifiers, and their drum set was nothing much more than a toy. It also didn’t help that much of the equipment we brought was either destroyed or heavily damaged during setup. Things were looking so bad that I wasn’t even sure if the concert would actually happen or not. About half an hour before the concert began, the guitarist had to run to the music store across the street to buy a cheap amplifier so his electric guitar would actually make sound. After much tuning and tweaking, the drum set, though not very good, was in working condition. The sound equipment, which had been causing plenty of trouble, started working properly just in time for our program to begin. It was also a little disappointing to realize that the church leaders had forgotten to promote the concert, resulting in an audience much smaller than we expected. That was only the first concert, and it left us all wondering if the rest of this tour could be anywhere near successful.

A couple days later, we were faced with having to perform a few songs during Sunday service with not only inadequate equipment, but also no time to set up. Upon realizing the situation, we all asked that they simply remove us from the already busy Sunday program. The church, however, not only asked persistently for us to perform, but ended up giving us all the time we needed to put on a full concert. We had no choice but to agree. But for us instrumentalists, it was definitely a new experience; with no setup time, our only option was to “fake” our parts while the singers sang to recordings of the songs. The next day, we were put in an even worse situation. That church basically had no equipment at all, so the instrumentalists didn’t even get to go on stage. It was extremely disappointing to all of us that after so much practicing, we were unable to use the full potential of our team. Could this, we thought, really be what God brought us to China for?

Of course, not everything about this trip was a disaster. The large audiences and positive response to our program were far beyond our own expectations. And considering the limitations often placed on us by inadequate equipment, our live concerts actually went surprisingly well from a musical standpoint. As for the other concerts, I became so good at “faking” that it actually became quite entertaining, and even people who watched me play the whole time couldn’t tell I was pretending. As musicians, it’s always important to be humble and continue learning, and there’s no better way to do so than to be placed in situations where things don’t go as planned and we must make the most of the little we have. This trip helped us gain both skill and wisdom, both individually and as a team.

Even if everything on this tour from a musical standpoint could be considered a disaster, there was one area that was definitely successful. It didn’t take us long to realize that there is no direct correlation between the quality of our performance and the number of people in the audience who experienced God or accepted Christ for the first time. We could put on an amazing show, and if God doesn’t intervene, it would be nothing more than a concert. We could have the most horrible performance, and if God is willing, hundreds of people will still be blessed through our ministry. To get to perform in front of thousands of enthusiastic people is a sign of success, but to transfer that enthusiasm to give God glory is a much greater success, one that is far beyond our own abilities. As we learned the value of teamwork throughout the trip, we also learned that God is the leader of our team. By putting us through many unexpected situations to humble us, He shaped our hearts so that we could understand His heart. And when our hearts are right with Him, He works through us in ways we never thought would be possible. Add to that the fact that He gave us our musical talents, which He wants us to use to the fullest, and we are left with no doubt that our concerts are for His glory.

Several of our concerts were so successful both musically and spiritually that it really made me wonder how things could continue going uphill. I must admit I’ve been a bit spoiled from having so many people ask me for pictures and autographs, and as our trip came close to end, I started asking God what kind of amazing Grand Finale He would use to end our time in China. Early this morning, we performed our last concert. Because it was scheduled at the last minute, we had no time to set up and prepare. The program was less than half the length of our usual concerts, and the audience was no bigger than a few hundred. There were no instruments, and I observed the performance from the audience’s point of view while praying that God would work through us. It came time for the altar call, and the first minute or so consisted of nothing but awkward silence. Then a girl stood up quietly and walked to the front, giving her life to Jesus for the first time. She was the only one, and made the stand in front of many people several times her age, with a courage and faith that inspired all of us as we gave applause for her decision. On this tour, hundreds of people came to accept Christ through our ministry. But the God who leaves ninety-nine sheep behind to find just one who is lost (Matthew 18:12-14) has used us for His glory all the way to the very end of the trip. This leaves me with no doubt that our trip has indeed been a great success.

On China:

China means many different things to foreigners. Some know it for the cheap quality of its products. Others know it for its polluted skies and unsanitary living conditions. Still others know it for the political oppression of its people. The previous trip to Fujian was my first time going to China, and I decided to lay aside all the stereotypes I heard, especially the negative ones, and see the country for myself. This time, I kept that same attitude, adding to it the knowledge gained from the first trip. Fortunately, our tour was legally registered with the government churches, meaning we had very little risk of ending up in prison. But still it was a requirement that there would always be spies among us, and it wasn’t hard to figure out who they were.

Unlike our previous trip to Fujian, this trip consisted of a packed schedule every day, and we had almost no time to shop, play, or experience China outside of the churches. So it only makes sense that most of what I learned about China on this trip has to do with its churches. Throughout the past couple decades, China’s government has definitely become more open minded. Even compared with our previous trip, there are many ways in which the churches have become more liberated. But still there are many limitations that prevent the Christians in China from getting a full understanding of God’s love, and there are many aspects of the church that can use some improvement.

Because the churches in China are closely tied with the government, they are granted land to build on. And because labor is cheap and restrictions are few, it is not surprising that some of the churches we visited are among the largest and most extravagant we have seen in our lives. Yet almost all of them end up disappointing us in some way. Most of the designers and architects lack basic knowledge in sound engineering, resulting in some fundamental errors. It is very typical of Chinese churches to build the sound control room on the second floor behind the stage, meaning the sound engineers can neither see the stage from the front nor hear what the audience hears, not to mention try to balance the sound well. One newly built church has a sanctuary completely covered in tiles, resulting in a good appearance but also an uncontrollable echo chamber that makes everything sound like a blur. Some churches lack even the basic equipment for people on stage to hear themselves.

Another area of disappointment is the lack of knowledge and proper care to maintain good equipment. Yes, many of the churches actually had surprisingly high class equipment. We encountered a church with an amazing tower of spotlights, strobe lights, disco balls, and even a laser machine. But because the switches were poorly placed, they could not be controlled in the middle of a performance, and had to either be left on or turned off. Some churches have excellent mixer boards that are now almost useless because people did not know how to use them properly and ended up severely damaging them. One church had an amazing drum set and keyboard, along with good amplifiers for every instrument, but because nobody felt a need for them, they were locked up in a storage room collecting dust.

Of course, these things are of little significance considering how passionately people seek God regardless of the circumstances. But in the same way good architecture is often paired with inadequate knowledge and good equipment is often paired with improper care, the hearts of the Christians in China are often hindered by the many restrictions placed upon them that prevent them from fully understanding God’s love. There are many laws restricting the church’s ability to reach out to the community. Religious activities are always overseen by the government, and people are kept from fully expressing their love for God outside of the church building. The sale and distribution of Christian books and music is almost entirely illegal, so Christians have very limited access to them outside of bootlegging. It would be wrong for me to judge them based on their weaknesses, because given their current situation, they are already doing their best. But the full potential of the churches are still far from being reached, and for that I must continue to pray.

It’s encouraging for me to remember that God answers prayers. So much change has already taken place in favor of the churches in China, whether it’s more knowledge, more members, or more freedom. But so much more change is yet to take place. What if the church designers had enough knowledge in sound engineering so that the acoustics of the building can be as good as the architecture? What if the church leaders could have a chance to learn how to operate and care for their expensive equipment, so that they could be used to their full potential? At many of the churches we performed at, the leaders were amazed that their equipment could produce such a beautiful sound. If we had the time, we would do our best to give them the knowledge that God first blessed us with so that their own church services would be enhanced after we’re gone. But I guess that will have to wait until another mission trip to China. For now, I praise God that despite being far from reaching their full potential from a technical standpoint, the Christians in China have a passion for their faith that overshadows all their weaknesses. If only they could be free to worship and proclaim their love for God anywhere they want! Combine the unstoppable passion of these Christians with China’s ever-increasing influence across the globe, and Christianity will never be the same again. We must continue to pray for China, that the changes in the government will be in the church’s favor, and that the gospel will continue to be preached there genuinely and passionately. Having seen what God has already done in China and envisioned how much more could happen, I am excited to see Him continue His work there.

On America:

As our airplane took off, I looked out the window and saw China slowly fade away beneath the clouds. I definitely miss home, but a part of me was deeply saddened at having to bring this trip to an end. Having spent a week and a half in China, a part of me has become attached to it. Like a retreat, the trip made me leave behind my everyday life and experience a different lifestyle while opening my eyes to new things that God wanted to show me. But unfortunately, every retreat must eventually end, and I must seize every opportunity to capture the many memories from this trip in a way that will not only remind me of the past, but will also inspire me in the future.

I miss being able to live a free life without being constantly watched by spies. I miss being allowed to speak about my faith in public. I miss being able to eat everything on the table without worrying about upsetting my stomach. These things have been taken away from me in China, and the loss makes me appreciate being a citizen of a free country that countless people in China can only dream of living in. Churches in America can be free to allow God to take complete leadership without any sort of government oppression. Christians in America can express their faith whenever they want, wherever they want, without the fear of ending up in prison. Yet we often take that freedom for granted.

I will miss being constantly inspired by people with an undying passion for God. I will miss worshipping among believers who sacrifice comfort, convenience, and time just to have a seat in the church. I will miss performing in front of thousands of people whose hearts are soft and open to what we have to share. These things are hard to find in America, and having encountered them in China, I find it hard to go home and live without them again. Why must Christianity be such a touchy subject filled with stereotypes? Why must American Christians argue unceasingly over small doctrinal details when the most important thing is that God loves us? Why must people cling on to their hardened hearts and try every way possible to prove whether or not God exists before believing when the Bible simply asks us to have faith?

Some will see these ideas as being too simplistic, but it only takes a simple “yes” for God to enter and transform a person’s life, giving it more purpose and meaning than the world can ever offer. While we should use our education as a tool to soften unbelievers’ hearts, we should not forget that God wants us to love others rather than argue with them. While we are blessed with great knowledge in music, sound engineering, and many other technical things, we should use them as tools to enhance our worship to God rather than idols that prevent us from giving God our hearts. Even though our lives may demand a busy schedule that makes it difficult to commit fully to the church, we should remember that God doesn’t work by our clock, and that He has ultimate control over every situation in our lives. In this self-centered culture, many of us have forgotten that wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord (Proverbs 9:10), and that fearing the Lord requires humbly allowing God to sit in the throne of our lives and submitting to Him. We must not forget that we live for an eternal goal, and that we should focus on seeking success from God’s perspective rather than by our own definitions.

In the same way I feel urged to pray for the churches in China, I feel urged to pray for America. Even though the situations I mentioned in each country are by no means a representation of every church there, they provide an overall view of some of the churches’ basic needs. And even though the needs of the churches in the two countries are different, we all worship the same God and seek the same purpose in life. To write about how America has slowly fallen away from God over the years would take much too long. But as Christians we know that our country is losing focus in many ways and that we need to turn to God for help rather than to ourselves. If the Christians in China can worship God so passionately despite the serious lack of knowledge in technology, how much more should we be thankful for what God has blessed us with! If they can worship so freely even in the midst of heavy persecution, how much more should we treasure our citizenship in a free country and use it for God’s glory! I pray that God will have mercy on us and transform our hearts so that we can allow Him to use us to transform America.

On Miracles:

I learned on the previous trip to Fujian that miracles often require our willingness to first make a sacrifice. It took many sacrifices for us as individuals and as a team for this trip to take place. Many of us had to take time off work. Some of us gave up opportunities to spend Christmas with friends and family members. One team member even gave up a critical opportunity in his career in an actor. For months, we spent hours of our Sunday afternoons rehearsing our music to make it sound as good as possible. The successful outcome of the tour, however, is not the result of our hard work, but rather the result of us humbling ourselves before God and giving Him our sacrifices so He can lead us.

I believe that a miracle is simply a situation or event that involves God’s intervention. In that case, miracles are everywhere, since God has control over all things. It’s just a matter of how we perceive it. On this trip, we introduced our audiences to many songs from our newest album. One song, titled “Grace of God”, reminds us of the importance of counting our blessings. Whether big or small, these blessings are not things we can earn, but gifts given freely by God. Before the song, we encouraged our audiences to think about the many ways in which God has blessed them, and it opened up many people’s hearts to realize and remember how much there is to be thankful for.

Throughout this trip, we spent some time every day meeting as a group for a quick Bible study and a time to share and pray. During our final meeting, we gave everyone a chance to share about our overall feelings on the trip, and the longer we spent sharing, the more we realized that this trip was filled with miracles. It took a miracle just to get us into China; several evangelical music groups from America have tried organizing tours like this in the past, but were denied access because of government restrictions. Church leaders across Fujian went through lots of trouble filling out paperwork and requesting approval so that we could have the honor of stepping on stage. When we needed a guitar amplifier at our first concert, there just happened to be a music store right across the street, and that cheap amplifier we bought at the last minute ended up being a crucial part of several other concerts on the trip when the stage equipment was insufficient and there were no music stores nearby. Even though that first concert was disastrous in many ways, it humbled us and prepared our hearts to allow God to work through us in greater ways. There were several times when we felt so frustrated by issues such as insufficient setup time or inadequate sound equipment that we wanted to simply cancel the concert and take a day off. But at the end, whether through compassion or obligation, every concert still took place, and there wasn’t a single concert in which God didn’t use us to bless the people there. There were also times when we hesitated about whether or not to have an altar call, since the majority of our audiences were already churchgoers. We still said yes each time, and every altar call turned out successful. Most of us remained surprisingly healthy throughout the tour, and the sicknesses that some of us encountered were not severe enough to prevent us from playing our individual roles. All these things make us increasingly thankful for how much God has blessed us.

All of us on this team joined the tour for different reasons. Some wanted to see China for the first time. Others seized the opportunity to grow musically. Still others got a clear sign from God telling them to go. Whatever the reasons, we all had to make sacrifices, both before the trip and during the trip, and in the end God rewarded us. We all learned plenty of lessons, both as individuals and as a group, and there isn’t a single one of us who regrets being a part of this adventure. As a team, we learned to work together and be united in our thoughts and our goals, putting the group above ourselves. As musicians, we experienced being on stage in front of some of the largest and most enthusiastic audiences we have ever performed for. As Christians, we allowed God to work through us in ways we never thought would be possible. All of us know without doubt that every day and every event on this trip has been nothing short of a miracle.

As our airplane flies closer and closer to home, I find myself feeling that same strange emotion I always get when an adventure like this comes to an end – a combination of extreme excitement and extreme sorrow. I feel sorrow because there are many things from this trip that I will miss and many experiences that are nearly impossible to encounter at home. I feel excitement because I’m going home not to simply return to my everyday life, but to apply the wisdom I gained to enhance my life and the lives of people around me. Whenever I close my eyes, I can still see thousands of people gathered together, pouring out their hearts to worship God. I can hear countless voices passionately singing the many songs that God has blessed us with. I can dream of a more beautiful China and a more beautiful America, and it makes me more eager than ever before to be a part of God’s work in both countries.

I don’t know when I will return to Fujian again, and I definitely wish it will be soon. But God’s work in China is not over just because our trip is over, and He will continue to answer our prayers for the people, the government, and the churches in China no matter where we are. In the same way we used what we have as Americans to bless China, we must remember the many things we learned in China and bring them back home with us. I don’t know exactly how my experiences from this trip will impact me once I’m back at home, but I know it will be simply impossible for me to return home and live my life as if this trip never happened. God’s love and power is the same no matter where we are, and if we continue to humble ourselves and seek His will, He will continue to lead us just like He did in China. With that in mind, I praise Him for an incredible journey to China and look forward to the great things He will continue to do in us and through us.

01/25: Happy Chinese New Year! And Happy Birthday Ben! It's definitely been a weekend full of celebration. Yesterday was the ClayMusic appreciation party - great food, awesome people, and hilarious games. The only bad thing is that because I already reserved the evening for the party, I missed Bryan Shaw's surprise birthday party. But there were plenty of leftover dishes, and today after church I went to join a bunch of other GCCI'ers at Shaw's house for an additional birthday celebration and to help him finish the food =). Then a bunch of us went to Southlands to fly kites! It's amazing how kites seem like such a basic part of a child's toy collection, yet most of us didn't know how to fly one at all. But it's never too late to learn =). At night, we had a family dinner to celebrate Ben's birthday and Chinese New Year. More good food, more fun games, and a mint chocolate ice cream cake (which Aunt Amy had to sneak out after dinner to buy while Steph stalled time by entertaining us with games).

So since it's Chinese New Year, I thought it would be a good chance to learn to be more "Chinese". This weekend I wrote a bunch of Chinese emails, updated my Wretch blog (in Chinese), and practiced using chopsticks properly =). I also attempted a few IM conversations in Chinese. It's something I was never forced to practice until recently, since all my friends from Taiwan speak enough English to have entire conversations without using much Chinese. With emails, I can take as long as I want to figure out every character, so there's really no pressure. On Friday night I talked with Cassie for the first time since we met in China. Considering how she is still learning the very basics of English, we were better off talking in Chinese. The next hour or so consisted of a frenzy of Chinese characters being frantically copied and pasted into the three online translatators open on my computer at the same time, and me going crazy trying to memorize the "bopomofo" characters as fast as possible to keep the conversation going. That same pandemonium happened again tonight, and ended just a few minutes ago when I decided to say goodnight. I'm definitely improving, but I'm still far from being considered fluent in reading and writing. It will take time, but as long as my Chinese-speaking friends don't give up on me, I'll have plenty of time =).

01/24: Quick little announcement - UCLA VISIT #10 is this coming Friday-Saturday (1/30-1/31)! I know, it's only been two weeks since I last went, and Week 4 is a pretty awkward time, since lots of people are studying for midterms. But don't worry, I have a good reason. Friday (1/30) afternoon is Elizabeth's (piano) junior recital!! I promised her a few years ago that I would be there, and I'm not about to back out. In fact, if anybody else is free on Friday at 2:30PM, come check it out too. It's gonna be at Popper Theater in the Schoenberg music building. Gosh, I haven't been there in such a long time. It's definitely gonna bring back a lot of old memories. But anyways, I figured since I'm already taking a day off work to go to the recital, I might as well hang out at UCLA all day Friday and Saturday like I did on the last visit. So yea, to all you Bruins, see you in a week! =)

01/19: The end of an awesome four-day weekend. Technically yesterday and today aren't holidays for me, since I still had to work a little. But I see nothing wrong with putting my free time to good use and earning some money. Yesterday there was just enough time between church and work for me to join a group of 12 from church for lunch at Souplantation. If you've ever been there on a Sunday, you know it's not a good idea requesting a table for 12. We basically ate our salad while waiting in line and enjoyed holding up the line so nobody else could pay and get seated. Fast forward to today - the new Dream & Imagine gospel worship team, called "Abide", had its kick-off party at Marcus' house. Marcus made a fancy dinner consisting of corn, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and fried chicken. I don't think there's a single person on this planet who has tried Marcus' cooking and doesn't like it. Watching Kirk Franklin's concert DVD during dinner was a nice treat, and a very educational one too, since most of us have a long way to go before becoming black. (Quote of the night: "Who's Malcom X??"). The last time I played gospel music was in college with Intervarsity. I remember asking Mike Eubanks why gospel songs are always written in the craziest keys. He replied, "it's cuz we're black so we like to use all the black keys". I don't think I'll ever forget those words. One of the songs Abide is learning right now is in F# major. I don't understand why people would do such a thing, but it definitely sounds awesome. In fact, it's so awesome that I'm gonna go practice it right now.

01/18: About a year ago, I visited UCLA for the first time as a graduate. Having made many friends there, I couldn’t bear to leave them all behind. Even though I graduated, the schoolyear continued, and I wanted to continue being a part of my friends’ lives just like they were a part of mine. So I took advantage of the long weekend to make the hour-long drive to campus to spend a few days there and catch up with all my friends there. I strongly believed that my friendships in college would not end just because I graduated, so a second UCLA visit followed a few weeks later. I made it a goal to visit once every few weeks, and I’m glad to say that a year later, I’m still clinging on to the same goal.

Even as I was driving to UCLA on Friday morning for this ninth post-graduation visit, a part of me thought I was crazy for having spent so much time and effort over the past year planning these visits. Having adjusted to working a full time job that consumes most of my time, it’s often easy to forget that there is still such a fun an exciting world that welcomes me. But once I arrived on campus, I was instantly sucked right back into the world where I spent some of the most exciting years of my life. And as with every previous UCLA visit, the trip was filled with wonderful surprises. Here’s a quick summary-

Friday – Arrived on the Hill at around 11AM. Ran into Chris and Jerry at the bike racks, and we talked for a while about bikes, scooters, and the like. Because my scooter has some major problems that are yet to be fixed, I brought on this trip a spare one – clearly nowhere as good as what I normally use, but good enough for my needs. Walked down to campus with Tracy and Dianne and spent some time catching up with them, then met up with Tammy outside Franz. We had lunch at Panda Express until she had to go back to class at 2. (Maybe we’ll meet up again soon for dim sum in San Gabriel?). I had an hour break, during which I ran into Christine(Dang) and her friend Ashton at Rendezvous and joined them for a quick late lunch. I met up with Derek for a second to get his Bruincard, which he kindly offered to let me use, since he was eating dinner at the apartments. Went to visit Antony for a few minutes (since he had to go home soon), then went back on campus to meet with Victoria and Jenny at Kerchoff. Their friend Jeff came to join us for a while, and we had possibly one of the funniest conversations (about Asian people) that ever took place in that room. And I know it’s funny, because the guy sitting at the table next to us was laughing uncontrollably from eavesdropping and almost dropped his cell phone a few times since he was laughing too hard. With Victoria’s help, I successfully found the Health Sciences store, where I redeemed a free coffee coupon I had (I like how I often end up with spontaneous free treats around campus even though I’m not a student anymore). It was about 5 already, and back on the Hill, I joined Christine(Shen) and Tiyia for dinner at DeNeve. Dorm food is always a welcome treat, and I made sure I got to enjoy both my random juice & soda mix and my eccentric jello drink. (I would have made my “teafee” too, but I just downed a large cup of coffee not too long before dinner). Christine, Tiyia, and I walked to Broad for GOC. It’s always nice to take some time out of my visit to attend a fellowship and worship God, since I have no doubt He’s the one that made me love UCLA enough to want to visit so often. Afterwards, I walked back with Christine, Tiyia, and Helen. It was Broomball day for GOC, but for various reasons I decided not to go. I visited Christine(Dang) and Trinh outside Rieber Terrace for a little bit, then went to visit Jerry. What I didn’t expect was that we ended up staying up until 2 in the morning. It was one of those conversations that had to keep going until we were both too tired to continue, and I had just enough energy left to go grab my sleeping bag from the car to spend the night in Jerry’s room.

Saturday – For the sake of having enough energy to last through the day, I decided to allow myself to sleep in. Yes, waking up at 10:00 is considered late for me, since I always want to make the most out of my time at UCLA. But it’s not like anyone wants me to call them on Saturday morning anyway. Jerry woke up around the same time and we talked for a little bit before I left to move my stuff back to the car. I had no plans until lunch, so I spent about an hour shooting cars at Bel-Air. (I considered a Beverly Hills trip, but it seemed to time-consuming, and I already went there last weekend). The outcome was phenomenal – Highlights include two 430 Scuderias, a 599 GTB, a Granturismo S, a Tesla Roadster, and – believe it or not – an Alfa Romeo 8C Competizione. This hunting trip was definitely more successful (both in terms of overall quality and quantity) than last week’s Golden Triangle trip, even though it’s only half as long and covers only one intersection. Back on the Hill, I ran into Jerry and joined him to go to CVS in Westwood. Then I met with Elizabeth and Mariko and Mr. Noodle for lunch. Of course, I made sure I got a refill on the Thai tea, just because I could. Elizabeth’s junior recital is coming up very soon, and I promised her a long time ago that I would be there. Yes, that means I already know when my next UCLA trip will be, and it’s gonna be sooner than most people expect. After lunch, I went with Elizabeth and Mariko to check out the new and often-talked-about Trader Joe’s in Westwood, then walked with them back to their apartment. Back on the Hill, I went to visit Trinh, then went back to Westwood to meet up with Jane. (How would I possibly survive the day without my scooter!?). We went to Jamba Juice, then back to her apartment to talk. Then I went back to meet with Sophia at Bruin Cafe for dinner. I didn’t have a swipe, but I had enough food on me that it wasn’t a problem at all. We got to talk and catch up for a while, and after she went back to study (it’s only week two!), my plans for the day pretty much came to an end. That is, until I ran into Jerry on his way up to his room to exercise his post-21st-birthday privileges. White Russians are friggin amazing. Of course, I didn’t plan on driving home soon, so Jerry and I had another late night conversation that lasted until about 1 in the morning. I would have stayed longer, except I knew that an hour-long drive consumes quite a bit of energy, and I had to make sure I could get home in one piece. So I said goodbye and brought an end to another amazing visit to UCLA.

This trip seemed a bit different from my usual UCLA visits, and in a way that could be seen as a good thing. Because Monday happens to be a holiday, many of my friends went home or made other plans for the weekend. It was a bit disappointing to me at first, since I didn’t get to visit a lot of the people I intended to see. But for those that I did get to see, I got to spend a lot more time with them, without having to rush from place to place. It’s always fun to spontaneously run into people around campus who don’t expect to see me, and even those who I used to spend a lot of time with but haven’t talked to in months are only a phone call away. I feel so at home every time I visit UCLA that I often forget I’m a visitor, thanks to all my friends who welcome me just like they did when I was a student. And the best thing is that in the same way I was able to spend the last few years of my college career sharing my life experiences with my younger friends, I can now share with them my life after graduation. Everyone is concerned about their future, and I’m glad to be able to return to UCLA each time and testify to my friends that life is always in God’s control. I pray that God will continue to bless every one of these friendships, so that we can continue to be blessings in each other’s lives.

01/11: Went to church this morning and found this -

01/08: It's not even 8PM yet and I'm at home with nothing else planned for the night. It could easily be one of those nights when I get pissed off for people not telling me earlier that they want to cancel tutoring, but this time deep inside I'm really really appreciating this last-minute change. Whoa... an earthquake just happened right now. Now I'm worried that an even bigger one will come soon. Sorry, that was random. But really, there was an earthquake. Anyways, my point is that I'm glad I get tonight free. And there's several reasons why.

First, it's the first week of work this year, which means I have new students. Yes, I've decided to make my already crazy work schedule even crazier. Last year was the first year I started using a handwritten daily calendar to keep track of my schedule, and I realized that it not only helped me keep a record of everything that happened throughout the year, but also allows me to visually analyze my schedule and see how I can manage my time more efficiently. When I started full time tutoring last fall, I decided it would be good to have some free nights throughout the week, since I knew people would want to hang out occasionally and it would help spice up an otherwise mundane workweek. With those free nights, I enjoyed some great times with some great people. But unfortunately, I was also disappointed many times. To put it frankly, many of my friends are liars. They tell me they'll do something and end up not doing it, and I ended up with a bunch of white-out blots on my calendar that could have been replaced with much more meaningful activities. The good times I have are simply not enough to make keeping those time slots free worthwhile. So I decided to put those times to good use, helping people who need academic help while boosting my own income. But of course, new beginnings in a job like this are always the most stressful, since I have to adapt to the needs of every student and parent. That, plus the increased hours, leaves me craving for the break that I now have.

Reason number two - For those who haven't heard, Dream & Imagine has started its own worship team, which will lead worship at various church events and also be incorporated into the Sunday worship schedule. Knowing how much I wish to develop my skills in gospel music, I simply couldn't reject the offer. We'll be practicing every Wednesday night, and last night was the first practice. And as crazy as it sounds, today was our first event. This morning. At 5 in the friggin' morning. We led worship for our church's daily prayer meeting which begins at 6, meaning we had to be there at 5. It was about 10:30PM last night when I found out I had to wake up so early, and that's when I said "screw it" and decided to spend the night in my car at the church parking lot. I figured even if I went home, I wouldn't be able to sleep well. And besides, sleeping in my car is nothing new to me at all. This morning's worship set went surprisingly well considering how little preparation we had. I had plenty of reasons to complain, but in the end many people were blessed by the music, and because of that I praise God for using us despite our imperfections. Breakfast at IHOP with Jason, Wilson, Marcus, Jary, and Mark was definitely the highlight of the day. I spent the rest of the morning washing my car (something I've been wanting to do for a long time, but never did since I couldn't wake up early enough). A huge cup of instant coffee kept me alive during work, and now that I'm free for the night, I finally get to catch up with a bunch of things I've been wanting to do this week but never had time to do.

I apologize to people who called me during the week and never heard back from me. It's been an extremely busy week, and I simply didn't have the time and energy to enjoy my free time, since I'm still partially jetlagged from the China trip. That's what made today so difficult - I knew the whole time that I couldn't allow myself to go back to sleep after the prayer meeting, since it would bring the jetlag back all over again. So I had to force myself to stay awake the entire day. At least I get to sleep a bit earlier tonight, with nothing planned for tomorrow morning.

01/04: The end of an extremely busy New Year’s week. Actually, I’m still pretty badly jetlagged from China, and it’s my own fault, since my schedule hasn’t exactly been normal this week. But it was totally worth it, considering it’s not every week that everyone in college comes back home and I don’t have to worry about work at all. But now it’s already over, and it’s time to wrap things up before life returns to “normal” tomorrow.

Monday – I allowed myself to sleep as much as I wanted, since the feeling of finally being home after a tiring trip tends to result in a very strong desire to stay in bed. So in a sense I was busy even though half the day was spent asleep. The other half was spent on the phone and online. Ever since Sunday evening when I got back, I had been on the phone almost nonstop. Thanks everyone for the voicemails, texts, emails, Christmas cards, etc. that I discovered waiting for me when I returned. With the little free time I had, I finished most of my unpacking. To be honest, I was a little bit sad that I didn’t make any plans to go out (since everybody went to Vegas and no one was here to hang out with me =/). But hey, it’s great to be home. It was one of those days when I didn’t mind a whole day to simply sit in my room and relax.

Tuesday – Spent the day with Mom and Kayla (a family friend who came to visit and spent the week at our house). We took her to see UCLA – during winter break the campus is basically a tourist attraction – everyone is gone, everything is closed, and the only people there are tourists taking pictures in front of the buildings. Went to Westwood next and got Diddy Riese and Pinkberry (yum!). Next stop – Santa Monica. It’s been a long time since I went there – the Ferris Wheel on the pier has long been sold on eBay (I’m not joking, for those who haven’t heard), and the big three-story mall is not there anymore! I think it’s being renovated, and apparently renovation in this case means being rebuilt from the ground up. We had dinner on Third Street – my first truly American meal in two weeks. On the way home, we decided to make a random detour to go check out the Christmas lights by Judy’s house. I’m glad Mom and Kayla both really liked my recommendation =).

Wednesday – New Year’s Eve. I went to Grace(Yu)’s house to meet with her and Taryn, then we had lunch at Hub Cafe. We didn’t know if any places would be closed for New Year’s, but Asian places tend to be the safest choice =). After lunch, we went to visit Grace(Chu). At night, I had dinner with Ken at Q Noodle House. Ken came over to hang out afterwards, and Juliann came over too. We went to Marcus’ house to meet his cousins and enjoy some amazing peach cobbler (for those who haven’t tried Marcus’ food, you’re seriously missing out). Then we went to Shaw’s for the “New Year’s party” that Juliann told us about. Apparently he only actually told five people, and of those five she was the only one to show up. So it was a very small party. But sometimes less quantity means more quality, and we definitely had plenty of fun. Jason, who decided to welcome the new year with a bunch of alcoholic beverages, made us a few drinks. Shaw, Stacy, Juliann, Ken, and I ended up talking until after 3 in the morning. We really don’t know how it all happened... we just started talking and it didn’t stop. Either I had a little too much to drink, or it was actually a really great conversation. In fact, I would love to write out some of the stuff we talked about and post them here – when I find time, that is.

Thursday – Getting home insanely late gave me a good excuse to sleep in. So it was actually a good thing that I didn’t make any plans to go out, since I would have been way too tired. I spent most of the day organizing stuff from the China trip. At night, we had an awesome family hotpot dinner to celebrate the new year. Thanks to Kayla, I got to learn a lot about being Taiwanese – everything from holding chopsticks properly to typing quickly in Chinese. I put the latter skill to use immediately – I saw Amy on MSN and decided to have my first online conversation in Chinese. It was extremely difficult, and I’m probably gonna send her an email soon to say sorry for responding so ridiculously slow, since I’m not sure if she knows exactly how bad my Chinese really is.

Friday - I woke up thinking it was 10AM, then realized it was actually 11:30. That’s when I realized my jetlag could be worse than I thought. I jumped out of bed right away, since I had made a bunch of plans for the day and it was just about time for them to kick off. Plan #1 – Millie’s! Of course, the idea was started by Grace, Taryn, and I =). I went to pick up Joan and Jary, then met up with the rest of the gang – Grace Taryn Daniel(Tan) Melody Wilson – at Millie’s. Somehow Wilson mastered that peg game they always have on the table, leaving the rest of us feeling ashamed of our stupidity. The food was great as usual, and we stayed long after we finished to talk and chill. Afterwards, D-Tan suggested going to a nearby art store, which turned out to be closed, so the party ended there. I took Joan and Jary (did you know his real name is Jarvis? That’s so awesome!!) home, then moved on to plan #2 – hanging out with Ally and Esther! Went to Esther’s house first, then we went to Ally’s when she got home. We decided to relive that night when we spontaneously decided to cook a bunch of ramen and eat it with potato chips. So we went to Albertsons, stocked up on the goods, then cooked and ate at Esther’s. It’s not exactly the healthiest way to eat, but I guess it’s okay to indulge like this once in a while. And besides, Ally’s usually in SD, so it’s rare enough that we actually find time to meet together and hang out. Anyways, moving on to Plan #3 – I went to join Ken, Steph(Lin), and Cristina at the mall – just in time for Cristina to leave =/. The remaining three of us decided to go to Tea Station to hang out. It’s very expensive boba, but what the heck… considering how inexpensive dinner was, it didn’t really matter. So we did the usual Asian hangout routine – sit and talk while drinking boba – until it was getting late and we decided to go home. Back at home, I spent the rest of the night talking with Kayla. It was her last night staying with us, and I didn’t think I would wake up early enough the next morning to accomplish anything.

Saturday – Got up at 10:30 – progress compared to yesterday, but still not early enough to successfully conquer my jetlag. During my conversation with Kayla the previous night, we realized we both like Thai food. So for lunch Mom Carol Steph Kayla and I went to Banana Bay! The rest of the day was spent with work-related stuff – either teaching, making phone calls, or meeting up with parents of new students. Yes, I will have new students this year. I’ve decided to make my teaching schedule just a little bit more hectic than it already was. We’ll see whether or not I survive. After dinner, I went to pick up Joan and Jary and we got boba before going to PACT =). PACT was awesome, especially since so many people were at home rather than at school so a lot of people showed up. I left right away when we finished though…

And this is why. I got to church at 8AM today for worship practice! What an honor to get to play for our first Sunday Service of the year! Afterwards, Daniel Tan unleashed his amazing little bag of electronic toys – motorized toothbrush heads that can walk! Hahaha… it’s one of those things that totally bring out the nerdy, (wannabe) engineering side of me. Fast forward to dinner – It’s Uncle Michael’s birthday, and we decided to enjoy some amazing all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ at Manna! For those who have been there, you know how overjoyed I am right now. That place is simply amazing. I’ve heard about it from so many people at UCLA, but never got a chance to go, since they always chose to go on days when I was busy. But now I got my chance, and I used it very well. For me, all-you-can-eat means eat-until-you-can’t-take-it-anymore. Actually, I could have probably taken a bit more. But I’m already beyond content. Next thing on my to-do list – eat more vegetables to balance things out a little bit!

That brings this exciting first week of 2009 to an end. It also brings to end another amazing winter break. The good thing about my job now is that I can still live life by the school calendar, so I still get a winter break unlike most people who have jobs. Of course, the downside is that when I don’t work I don’t get paid. But God has always taken care of me financially, so what makes me think I should question Him? In fact, I’ve decided to fill up my work schedule even more than it already was last year. It will help me earn a little more money, while providing more opportunities for God to stretch me and help me grow. With that in mind, I praise God for an awesome winter break and pray for success and wisdom as I begin a new year of work.