06/29: I can't remember the last time I felt this exhausted and this excited as a result of worshipping God. Long story short, the Dream & Imagine worship team was notified on Wednesday that we were leading Sunday worship yesterday for the first time. We originally had three more weeks to practice before going on stage, and as one of the musical leaders of the group, I knew very well that we needed those three weeks. But the sudden realization that we had very little time to prepare made us not only practice more dilligently, but humbly turn to God for help. And the result was simply phenomenal.

Our team has been through many changes in the past half a year. Some people left and new people joined. Some priorities were shifted, and often circumstances forced us to change them against our own will. Amidst a period of time when our practices seemed to make little or no progress, I decided to volunteer myself to do some homework in order to make our rehearsals more efficient and productive. But I always found it difficult to conquer my own fear of failure. I put my heart into this team, and I wanted to see us improve, but I often found myself disappointed when things didn't go as I planned. This last-minute notice that we were leading worship yesterday was definitely not a pleasant surprise to me. And I was extremely bothered by the fact that, while we could probably sound much better with a few more weeks of practice, we were forced to make our Sunday service debut with many flaws.

But that's when I learned to let God take control. It has always been a priority in our team to focus on the spiritual aspect of worship, making sure that our hearts are right with God before we turn our attention to the music. To me, leading worship has always been a privelege - God gave me the gift of music, and it is an honor for me to be in a position in using that gift to lead the congregation in giving Him the praise He deserves. The more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that this last-minute notice for our worship team was an opportunity for me to learn to trust God. After all, I'd worked so hard to figure out the technical details of each song, and it was only right that I focus my attention on God, the very purpose of our music.

I had no choice but to pray desperately. Having graduated from college with a music degree, I have very high expectations of musicians that I work with, but at the same time I want to make sure that my heart is in the right place. On Saturday night, I spent a lot of time on my knees by my bed crying out to God. I definitely wanted us to sound great, and in the moments when my pride got the best of me, I found it hard to accept the fact that not everyone on our team had experience leading worship before. God humbled me, and reminded me of myself during my high school years, nervous beyond imagination at having to be on stage playing piano during Sunday worship. Sure, I took piano lessons for many years, but leading worship requires additional musical skills that can best be developed through experience. And by the grace of God, there were more experienced worship leaders at the church who kindly offered to let me play with them. They helped me nurture the skills God gave me, and they were patient with me when I messed up. Those leaders played crucial roles in helping me become the worshipper I am now. What, then, makes me think it's okay for me to place myself above the people in my team? I realized that regardless of whether or not my musical expectations would be met, the time we had on stage would be a defining experience for many of us, and would pave the way for those who will grow to become the future worship leaders of our church. With that in mind, I felt excited for the opportunity to be a part of God's work in our church.

I prayed for every member of our team, that each of us would be ready to serve God on Sunday morning. God reminded me of an incident about a month ago when I was unexpectedly called up during Sunday service to play piano in the background while a pastor prayed for the congregation. God worked through me that morning, and many people received healing as I played. In fact, I was so engaged in worshipping through playing piano that I completely forgot I was on stage. I asked God to grant our team the same freedom I experienced that morning. Some members of our team had never led worship before, while others were more experienced. Some were more worried about stage fright while others were more concerned about feeling too prideful. My prayer that night was that we would have a spirit of unity as we prayed and practiced together, and that when we went on stage to lead worship the next morning, we would be so focused on worshipping through our music that we would forget we were on the stage performing songs that we spent so many weeks practicing.

And that's exactly what happened. I was amazed that every single person showed up punctually even though it was so early in the morning. God took care of everything for us, from setting up to soundchecking to actually practicing. By the time service was about to begin, we were ready to present the fruits of half a year of worshipping together as a team. When service started, we forgot that we were on stage. We worshipped with all our hearts, no less freely than we did when we practiced without anyone in the congregation. We played, sang, and danced, and the spirit of freedom that God gave us filled the entire room. People young and old were dancing shamelessly like King David did. It was an incredible experience, both for our team and for the congregation.

The more I think about it, the more I realize exactly how amazing it is that God brought our team together. We all have very different lives, but we are united through the common goal of giving praise to our God through music. When we arrived at church yesterday, many of us had a lot on our minds, from family problems to personal issues to spiritual warfare. But when we gathered to pray, we laid all those things down before God, and simply desired to worship Him. And that's exactly what He wants from us. In the end, we find ourselves stronger than before, more prepared to face the hardships in our lives with God's guidance. I believe yesterday morning was a life-changing experience for all of us. I pray that God will continue to help us grow, both as individuals and as a worship team, as we continue to explore the true meaning of worship while developing the musical and leadership skills He has given us. Great job to everyone for an incredible first time leading Sunday morning worship. I look forward to seeing all the amazing things God will continue to do!

06/28: SNU. I'm insanely tired from a long and exciting day beginning with the Dream & Imagine worship team's first Sunday morning worship set, which turned out to be amazing. There's a lot I want to say about that, so I'll save it for another entry. Friday - went to Harvest LA's Art Night event - basically their equivalent of GCCI's Coffeehouse. Jenny(Wang) told me about it knowing I would be interested. It was definitely an awesome night - lots of great music and artwork all for God's glory. And I ran into Linda (from Troy/Chaparral) there... what a surprise, especially considering it happened shortly after I wrote the previous entry! Saturday - Went to ClayMusic's BBQ party, which included a little unexpected celebration that I won't write about now. That's why I was an hour late to PACT. Didn't stay too long afterwards either, since I had to get up early this morning for worship practice. After service, I went with Ken Jeremy Joseph Joan Jary Yu-Ching Aomi and Juliann to have lunch at Garden Cafe. There's nothing like enjoying an ice cold cup of Thai tea (with boba) in such hot weather. And the free refills helped too. Afterwards Ken Juliann and Yu-Ching came over to chill and talk. Ben stopped by for a bit to join us too. That went all the way up until dinnertime - time flies during good conversations =). Anyways, it's midnight and I need to go to sleep since I have work tomorrow morning. Goodnight!

06/24: Last night I got to enjoy dinner at The Hub Cafe with Anna, Karin, and Jeff. I still find it amazing how, after not talking to them for so many years, I unexpectedly ran into Anna and Karin last weekend, and things just kicked off from there. During our senior year at Troy High School when I became friends with them, I struggled greatly both with social acceptance and academic confidence. My friends were my only glimmer of hope at a school that seemed to offer nothing for me, and Anna, Karin, and Jeff were among very few people that I planned to make an effort to keep in touch with after graduation. We all went to different colleges, where many things occupied most of our time, and after a few attempts to meet up and hang out during our first couple years of college, we eventually lost touch. I've always believed that true friendship can stand against the barriers of time and distance, but sometimes when the time becomes too long and the distance too far, I find myself overwhelmed by the fear of failure and too afraid to keep trying. I also believe that friendship is a unique merging of different people's life stories, prompted by God who is the author of each story and not meant to be torn apart. Sometimes when I try to persist in keeping a friendship strong but see no positive result, I lay it before God and have faith that if He is willing, our stories will reunite again someday. And in this case, that's exactly what happened.

Actually, this is only one of many recent cases in which friendships that I laid before God proved to stand strong. One friend who I gave up calling for about a year after trying several times and never receiving an answer suddenly decided to contact me after hearing a year-old Voicemail from me. Another who I once exchanged letters with on a regular basis decided to write to me again after several years of being too busy with school to reply to my letters. We all go through times in our lives when we're simply too busy with school, work, or other things to worry about trying to hang out with friends. But I'm glad these people thought of me when they were able to, even after not talking for so long.

This reaffirms the belief that has prevented me from using Facebook, Myspace, or any of the other social networking websites that frequently occupies the lives of people around me. True friendship requires effort, and sometimes it's as simple as picking up the phone to call someone. While a quick IM might get the job done more easily, I would rather use the phone so I can hear my friends' voices and get a deeper glimpse of their lives. Efficiency simply isn't one of my priorities when it comes to friendships. As for the desire to stay connected with people I'm not too close with, I believe in simply letting go and letting God take control rather than becoming a slave to my own worries. God is the author of every friendship, and behind every friendship He has a purpose. If He wants me to get back in touch with someone I haven't talked to in years, He has His way of making it happen even when I don't have a way. And when that happens, I know without doubt that it is happening for a reason.

I am greatly encouraged by each of the recent incidents that remind me of just how precious friendships are in my life. Because of my decision to not give myself the most convenient means of keeping in touch, I often feel discouraged from being the one who initiates and not getting any response. But because I believe friendships happen for a reason, the least I can do is make an effort not to forget people, and even when I've already given up trying to keep in touch, if there ever comes a day when those people think of me again, they can be certain that I'll be there for them just as much as I was when we first met. I could have easily chosen to give into temptation and made keeping in touch with people only a few clicks away. But because I didn't, each resulting friendship becomes even more of a miracle to me. The joy of seeing the fruits of effort, even if only a few, far overshadows the contentment I can get from staying connected to as many people as possible. And having experienced that joy several times recently, I am more certain than ever before that I'm doing the right thing. I pray that God, who orchestrated each of my friendships, will continue to give me wisdom in how to further nurture them according to His will.

06/24: At last, the first picture update since February! Because of my busy work schedule during the schoolyear and all the computer-related problems that got in the way, I never got around to posting until now. Everything is online except for the China and Taiwan trips, and some of the most recent stuff (the two weddings + Cue pics with Grace and Joan from Monday). With the BBQ coming up in a week and a half, I'm expecting a lot more pictures to come!

06/22: It's that time of the year again...

06/21: SNU. Another amazing and eventful weekend. Friday - got to hang out with Rose again. We went to hang out and shop at Ontario Mills - unlike the stuff at Disney, everything here is actually a good deal. If I were a girl, I would go crazy too. We went back to Rose's house to chill for a bit, then had dinner with her friend Cindy at Hong Kong Plaza. That was the beginning of our Asian-plaza-hopping adventure. First we walked around HK Plaza, then went to walk around Diamond Plaza, then went to Yes Plaza - the same tea shop Rose and I had dinner at earlier in the week. This time we got boba and played Big 2, which I apparently really really suck at. I guess lack of practice really does makes a difference.

Saturday - Went to church for the "Fireproof" screening in the afternoon. Very good movie... I'm sure every person that was there learned something important. Afterwards Ken, Jeremy, and I had dinner at Q Noodle House. Then the craziest thing happened - I ran into Anna and Karin there! It's been a good four or five years since we saw each other... who would have guessed that we would end up at the same place at the same time? Hopefully we'll find time to hang out sometime next week. After dinner, Ken and I decided to treat ourselves to a little workout - carrying his BBQ grill from his house to mine, on foot. It wasn't all that far, but we probably looked like idiots crossing the street with a big grill. Yes, this means we'll be firing up three grills for the July 4th party. It's less than two weeks away, meaning it's time to get the word out and start planning and inviting people. I'll post more details tomorrow. After the walk, Ken stayed over and we watched National Treasure on TV with Carol.

Today - Played for Peter's worship team. We actually finished practicing early(!). After service I joined Ken, Jeremy, Joseph, Aomi, Joan, and Jary for an amazing lunch at Green Field (Brazilian BBQ). I don't think I'll be craving any more meat in a long time. That stuff was so good it's not even funny. And that explains why I didn't eat dinner until like 9:30PM. It's okay, good food is worth confusing my meal schedule for.

It's that time again to get ready for a new week. This past week has been crazy in the sense that I went out to eat or hang out almost every single day. That's what happens when everyone's done with school and wants to play. And if things go as planned, tomorrow morning I'll start teaching again (in the morning), so I'll have a small income to help cover all the money I'm spending. Time to go to sleep. Goodnight!

06/16: Just got back from the post-rehearsal party at TGI Friday's with Ken Jeremy and Vanessa. There's nothing in this world like Jack wings and sangrias. It's been an awesome week so far, with something fun happening every day. Sunday - lunched at BCD Tofu House after church, then went to hang out at Genki Living. Monday - SOLD Reunion dinner at Souplantation. It's been years since I was last able to join these guys to hang out, and it's amazing how we're all getting older and older. Yesterday - Got to spend the night hanging out with Rose. It had been years since we got to simply hang out and have fun... we used to always go to random places (mostly near Life Plaza... haha) but then we both got really busy with other stuff to do. And since we technically worked at the same place for almost half a year, it's nice to see each other without worrying about work. We had dinner at Yes Plaza - stinky tofu hot pots are amazing! After feeling totally Taiwanese, we went to Downtown Disney. Haha... walked around a bunch of shops and watched the fireworks show. We may hang out again later this week, since we live so close and also have so much free time. There's actually a good chance I'll still be teaching a few students this summer, meaning I'll have enough income to cover gas and food, and probably most of my bills too. God will definitely provide. Either way, I've definitely been putting my free time at home to good use - reading the Bible, doing yardwork, cleaning my room, and trying to make my life a little more organized. Which reminds me, I still need to get my computer fixed. Whatevers... time to clean my room a bit more then go to sleep!

06/13: Very very eventful and exhausting day. Part 1 - Patty and Randy's wedding. Went there early in the morning to get ready to play piano, and enjoyed an awesome reception afterwards. I didn't even know there was a reception until earlier this week, but it's always nice to spend some time celebrating with the newlyweds. Came back home, changed into a T-shirt, and went to Hing Wa Lee to catch the show. Yep, I decided to make an appearance after all. I couldn't help it. And the turnout was actually surprisingly good - there were about 20 cars already when I arrived at 2 (right when it started). Many of them were familiar faces, but there were also several newbies, which is always a welcome surprise. If I had more time, I could have had a chance to test drive the new Tesla Roadster Sport. But I simply said hi to Rushi and the PCARS guys, took pictures of all the cars, and left, because there was something more important for me to do - wedding #2, Stacy & Shaw! Got to church just on time to meet with Ben and get ready to play. I think we set a new world record for the longest uninterrupted performance of "Canon in D". I'm guessing we played the progression somewhere from 100 to 150 times, if not more. Then we sneaked out the back and joined the audience for the rest of the wedding (since we only had to play in the beginning). Had another awesome reception afterwards, and I just got back home minutes ago. It's 10:00 right now, but it feels more like 2 in the morning. I'm definitely tired for very good causes though. Playing for two weddings on the same day is definitely a unique opportunity. There's nothing like being able to participate in such a defining moment in my friends' lives. I'm really glad I got to be a part of it, and I pray that God will bless the two new couples in their new lives lives together. Congratulations to Patty & Randy Mullen and Stacy & Bryan Shaw!

06/10: Thursday night. As of yesterday, I'm officially finished with teaching for this schoolyear. Some of my students have summer school or need help on SAT's, so that might start in a few weeks. But for now, I'm gonna enjoy a few weeks without having to work at all. Cinda came over for a surprise visit on Tuesday, and we enjoyed a late night dinner at Boston followed by a walk around Life Plaza. Last night's practice went very well, especially considering only about half the team was there. Ken came over to chill and talk afterwards. Now that we're getting older and trying to get a better grasp of life, it seems like we always have plenty of stuff to talk about. Today was the first time in a very long time when I spent an entire day without leaving home. It feels kind of nice actually, and I got a lot of work done. Tomorrow will be back-to-back rehearsals, and Saturday will be back-to-back weddings! Which reminds me, I need to go practice the wedding song. But before I shut up, one last little announcement. For all you local car spotters, there's an event at Hing Wa Lee this Saturday (6/13) from 2 to 4 PM. I won't be there for obvious reasons, but hope some of you guys can go and get some nice shots!

06/07: SNU. The end of an incredible weekend, mostly revolving around the BBQ party at Ken's house. Speaking of BBQ's, yes there will be a BBQ party at my house too on July 4th - I haven't officially announced it yet, but since several people already asked, I might as well let the word get out. Anyway, back to Ken's party. We prepared a lot of the food together yesterday, then treated ourselves to Kettle Chips, Taiwan Beer, and Disney TV shows - all at the same time. The preparation was tiring, but the more we did the more we looked forward to the BBQ. One sniff of the seasoned chicken made us want to fire up the grill right away. But we decided to have a little patience. I left at 7 for dinner at PACT - for those who complained last time that I brought pizza, notice how someone actually followed my footsteps this time and ordered Domino's too. And everyone liked it. Our guest speaker turned out to be our very own Wilson Wang, live from Singapore! It's great to know all the great things God has been doing in his life. Afterwards we interrogated Aomi, since it was her first time at PACT. Hopefully we didn't scare her away...

Today - Went to church in the morning, and afterwards Joan Jary Aomi Jeremy and I had lunch at Lee's Sandwiches with Baldwin Jonathan and Jason. Then we introduced Aomi to Yogurtland for the first time(!). And Albertson's too (since they have different supermarkets on the east coast). After that, it was time for the party. We went to Ken's place to hang out, watch YouTube videos, and get ready for the BBQ. Most people showed up at around 5 (when the Laker game started). The food was definitely great, and so were the drinks. When the Lakers won, Jeremy's first response was "Goose!". And Goose we had. In fact, Ken and I talked for a few hours after everyone else left while enjoying one sip of Goose after another. Special thanks to Ken, Jeremy, and everyone who helped with the grill tonight or brought food/drinks to contribute to the party. For those who enjoyed the food and fellowship tonight, don't forget to come back on July 4th =).

06/05: It's really beginning to feel like summer vacation. Not only is my work slowly winding down, but life has also been extremely fun these days. Wednesday's practice was pretty awesome - we're attempting some borderline gospel stuff now, and it's starting to sound good. Afterwards Ken Vanessa and I went to hang out at Boston Cafe. No alcoholic beverages this time, probably because Jeremy wasn't there. Haha... Yesterday Jasmine and Amanda decided to come crash Mom's end-of-the-schoolyear class party. I can't believe they're gonna be seniors already. But some things never change, and they're still fun to make fun of. Haha... after work yesterday Joan, Ken, Grace, and I had an awesome dinner at Chick-Fil-A. That place never disappoints, and it seems like every time I go there I discover something new that makes me love it even more. And we ran into Alli(Nakagaki) there... that was definitely a surprise. Time flies when we're eating at Chick-Fil-A. Before we realized it, it was 10 and they were closing. Grace, Joan, and I ended up going on a late-night adventure to Life Plaza just for the heck of it, since it's so rare for us to hang out these days. Hopefully that will change in the summer when everyone's a bit less busy. Today I had lunch at Coffee Break with Rose and her friends Daphne and Eling. Daphne and Eling needed help with some essays, so Rose decided to put me to good use, and it also gave us a good chance to hang out. It's kind of sad seeing Rose at work so often but never really getting to talk, especially considering we used to hang out so much. We eventually migrated across the street to the Mt. SAC library. Daphne and I stayed behind to finish some work, and afterwards when we had time to talk we discovered that we both know Clare! Such a small world. Anyway, it's almost 1AM, and I should be getting some sleep now. Goodnight!

06/02: Reflections during my last UCLA visit of the schoolyear-

It was one of the most amazing stories God has written in my life. Humbled by my unexpected acceptance into UCLA, I prayed a simple prayer acknowledging that God must have had a reason for bringing me to such a good school and asking Him to show me the reason. For the next four and a half years, God transformed my life in ways I could never have even dreamed of. My academic life went from that of a struggling engineer to that of a passionate musician, fueled by a promise from God that all things will work for good if I seek His purpose. My faith became the center of my life, as God demonstrated many times that He is always in control. My social life flourished not only in quantity, but also in quality. People often told me that the years I spend in college would be an unforgettable life-changing experience. Having completed my time as an undergraduate, I not only believe that statement, but am eager to let my friends who are still in school understand so they too can make the most out of their years in college.

That's why I made it a goal to visit my friends at UCLA regularly after I graduated. After what felt like an abrupt ending of my college career when I completed my undergraduate education in Fall Quarter 2007, it was simply impossible for me to bear the pain of leaving in the middle of the schoolyear that would continue moving on without me. Shortly after school resumed after winter break, I made my first visit. Even though I was no longer a student, everything still seemed very familiar, since I was around for all of first quarter. But after only a few visits, suddenly it was already time to say goodbye. The schoolyear as I knew it ended, everyone went back home, and a new chapter of UCLA life was about to begin.

When I came back to visit during the new schoolyear, I had to accept the fact that I am only a visitor. Many familiar faces vanished and were replaced by newcomers. Everyone moved to new places with new things that shape and influence them, and I'm no longer a part of daily life at UCLA like I used to be. While I was still open to meeting new friends, my attitude shifted more toward simply strenghening my relationships with existing friends through the little time I had to spend with them. I made it a goal to visit UCLA two to three times each quarter, and even though there were times when I felt a little crazy for putting so much time and effort in going to a school I no longer attend, I knew deep inside that I was doing the right thing. One of the greatest lessons God taught me in college was that true friendship requires effort and sacrifice. Knowing how hard it is to understand that as a college student constantly surrounded by people, I have to constantly apply what I learned and set an example to my friends, and there is no better way to do so than to show up at UCLA time after time to meet with them.

There wasn't a single visit to UCLA that ended without me feeling extremely blessed. During my final quarter in college when I voluntarily lived in my car, I made sure I never told people about my living situation unless they asked and never requested for a place to spend the night unless I was first given the offer. After graduating, I realized that it was the perfect attitude to have each time I came back to visit. I came to see my friends, and didn't expect anything in return other than the friendship in itself. Yet so many times when I visited, I was blessed with far more than I could have ever expected. I slept in friends' rooms on almost every visit, and was treated to more meal swipes than I would have spent on myself if I still had a meal plan. It amazes me how much my friends think of me and trust me. When they had coupons for free food or drinks around campus, they would give them to me. On every trip, someone either volunteered to swipe me to eat with them in the dining halls or gave me their BruinCards so I could use their swipes. Sometimes I even had multiple BruinCards in my pocket to choose from. On one trip, I was given not only at least one swipe for every single meal during my stay, but an empty room to sleep in, shower in, and make myself feel at home. Through my time in college I learned to rejoice whether living in luxury or discomfort. I come to visit each time expecting nothing more than to build the friendships that God blessed me with. And each time I receive far more than I could ever ask for.

Even with all those luxuries aside, the simple fact that my friends take out time from their busy schedules to spend with me makes me feel blessed. Having gone through life as an undergraduate, I understand that it's easy to become overwhelmed by academics, but at the same time I've always believed that it's important to learn to balance various aspects of life, and it's good to take breaks from long periods of studying. I never intend to be a distraction to my friends at UCLA, though, and when they voluntarily spend time with me despite having exams to worry about, I am glad not only because I get to see them, but also because they are willing to give themselves a break to prevent falling into the trap of stress that so many students become overwhelmed by. Many of my friends are extremely curious about life after college, having heard so many stories of how difficult it can be. I'm very glad to be able to take this step ahead of them and come back to let them know the truth - Yes, life after college can be difficult and stressful, but we have the choice of what attitude to face it with. If we are willing to put in some effort, it can be just as exciting as being a student at UCLA. And if we have faith, God's promise for me regarding my future can apply to all of us.

Now that I only get to see UCLA once every few weeks, the schoolyear seems to pass by even faster than it did before. It really feels like the year just started, and suddenly it's almost over already. Here I am now, sitting at the place that was once my home, realizing that my final visit this schoolyear is about to come to an end. Tomorrow is the beginning of the familiar end-of-the-quarter "22 hours of quiet" in the dorms. Before that is over, people will be packing their belongings and leaving for home one by one. Then the face of life at UCLA will change once again as a group of seniors leave and a new wave of freshmen enter after summer. In these past couple days, I got to see many of my friends who are graduating in a few short weeks, and it amazes me that while it seems like yesterday that I met them as freshmen, four years have already gone by. Now it's time for them to say goodbye to their undergraduate years and move on to a new chapter in their lives.

Even though most of my time at UCLA is spent visiting friend after friend and enjoying the exciting college social life, I've decided to spend my last few hours at UCLA this schoolyear by myself. While my primary purpose of visiting so frequently is to see all my friends, I must admit that some things can only be experienced in solitude. When I was a student, it was through times of solitude that I learned to turn my ears away from distractions and hear God's soft but powerful voice. It was through those times that I was able to connect with my own heart and see life at a deeper level. As I look around, millions of memories flash across my mind. Just about every place I see holds some kind of special meaning. In these places I met some of my closest friends and enjoyed great times together. In these places I discovered life with a much deeper meaning and learned to make the most out of it. In these places God heard me in times of both joy and sorrow, and wrote the chapters that make up one of the most amazing stories in my life up to this point.

Life after college is definitely very different, and it's much harder to remain motivated and passionate like I was as a student. But the best thing is that my college story didn't end just because I graduated. Even though I am no longer a student here, the many friendships formed during my college years and the many life-changing experiences that took place still impact my life today. I need God now no less than I did a few years ago, and in the same way God spoke to me as a student many times when I spent time sitting silently or walking around by myself, He now brings those words back in my mind to remind me that He cares for me now just as much as He did back then. His promise to take care of me if I'm willing to trust him is still true. His love for me as His child is still strong. And right now I can continue to live the life of passion and purpose that He first taught me to live while I was at UCLA.

I rejoice over my friends who are about to complete this schoolyear and move on to a new one, because they are blessed with so many opportunities and so much time to continue making the most out of their college experiences. Each year in college is a chapter that can never be repeated again, and it amazes me to see how dramatically students can be changed through various circumstances, from living situations to class schedules to extracurricular activities. Each schoolyear helps define a part of who students become. As I look back at each of my college years, I have no doubt that God had a masterpiece in mind when he sent me to UCLA. Whether it was times of joy or pain, every year had its share of amazing adventures. And in the same way I was inspired to make the most out of every moment I had each year, I now wish that my friends who are still in school can do the same, so that they too can look back on graduation day and say that they've done their best.

I rejoice over my friends who are about to graduate, because they are about to move on to a new and exciting chapter in their lives. Having known these seniors since they were freshmen and sophomores, I have seen the amazing transformations that have taken place in their lives. We all started off as freshmen trying hard to figure out college life. But through the many people we have met and the circumstances we have faced, God has orchestrated each of our lives in a unique and amazing way. Graduation is just another big step forward in the many stages we will go through in life. In college we started off with a degree of confusion, curiosity, and fear, and eventually experienced the routineness of having already gone through the same system too many times. But when we realize how precious time is and challenge ourselves to new adventures, life never gets too dull. The same is true after graduation. Whether it's finding a job, taking a year off, or going straight to grad school, something exciting is always in store for us if we're willing to search for it.

My college story is still alive, and I'm overjoyed that I can still be blessed by it time after time through visiting this place that still feels like home. Another schoolyear is about to end, and again I'm glad to say that I've done my best. I've moved on and adapted to life after college, and at the same time I've lived out my belief that friendships formed in school do not end with graduation if I'm willing to put in some effort. I pray for my friends who are graduating, that God will give them wisdom as they transition into a new chapter of their lives. I pray for my friends who will continue to be at UCLA next schoolyear, that God will bless them and instruct them like He did to me, so that they too can make the most out of their time in college. Also, I pray for myself, that God will continue to guide me as I live to seek His purpose and let Him write my life stories, so that I may be an example of faith, love, and passion for those whose lives He has placed me in.

05/31: SNU. Just got back from Ken's house after helping him prepare some stuff for next week's BBQ. We had lunch with Joan and Jary at Garden Cafe earlier, and I figured I might as well force myself to stay awake until night so I won't be tempted to take a long nap and not be able to sleep well at night. As expected, I didn't get much sleep this weekend. That's what always happens when I visit UCLA, especially when it's the last visit of the schoolyear and there's so much to do and so many people to see.

Friday- Thanks to somewhat smooth traffic flow, I made it to UCLA just before 11AM. It's funny how Chris(Wible) is always the first person I see when I'm there, since he's always near Bruin Cafe. We got to talk for a little bit, then I went to meet with Victoria and Jenny for some coffee at It's A Grind. I can't believe they're graduating. It feels like yesterday that they were freshmen and we lived on the same floor. Jenny had to leave first, and Victoria and I stayed to talk for a little longer. Then I went to meet Christine(Shen) at Powell. We had another nice explorational walk around the neighborhood streets. Back in the dorm area, I was extremely surprised to run into Christine(Truong). We hadn't seen each other since I graduated, and now she's graduating too. That's crazy. We spent some time catching up outside Covel, then walked up to Summit. When she left to go study, I went to Bel-Air for about half an hour. The outcome was incredible - an 8C Competizione, a Brooklands, and, *drumroll*, a Scuderia Spider 16M! Went to GOC afterwards - this time I actually made it on time to attend the whole meeting. Talked with Derek for a little before going inside, but he disappeared to the bathroom so we didn't sit together. Afterwards, I met Christine's small group and walked to the dorms with them. We got ice cream at Puzzles then went to Sproul to rehearse. I think I mentioned before that Christine wrote a worship song and I helped make the arrangement. The performance was only one day away, and I felt very honored to be able to listen to them practice. Walked to the apartments with Christine, Lisa, and Stanley afterwards, then went to visit people in Rieber Terrace. Caught Antony, Kevin, and gang on their way to Bruin Cafe, and I helped Kevin use a swipe. Jerry came down to swipe later too, and I went back with them to hang out for a little while. Visited Christine(Dang) and Trinh for a little bit too, then decided to end the night and go to sleep.

Unlike previous UCLA visits, this one consisted of an extremely busy Friday and a much more relaxing Saturday, probably because everybody had some form of banquet on Saturday. I woke up and sat around for a good half an hour before spending the morning in Beverly Hills. As usual, morningtime there wasn't the most exciting, but that same 16M Spider showed up again, and I got some good footage of Bijan arriving at his store in his F430. For lunch, I got to enjoy some awesome ramen with Sue, Tim, Dennis, and Richard. Talk about spontaneity... who would have guessed that I would have a chance not only to meet with Sue before she graduates but to see my former roommate and friends from IV who also graduated already? Back on campus, I met with Derek at BruinCafe, got a smoothy, then went to Hedrick to hang out with him and Harry. We encountered a little problem with Amazon.com - the "Free Super Saver Shipping" only applies to orders $25 and over, but the item Derek needed to buy was $24.99, so it didn't qualify. We spent a long time searching frantically for the cheapest item that would push the price over $25, but the only really cheap thing we found was a pack of pretty little fairy stickers (a little over $1), and he refused to buy them. Haha... and special thanks to Derek and Harry who both went to GOC banquet at night, I had plenty of swipes to help them burn. Outside Hedrick I ran into Christine(Truong) (again!) - it's funny how I thought we would never see each other again after Friday, but we met again a day later. We walked to BruinCafe and back and got to talk a little more. So it turns out she and Sue were friends from middle school. What a small world. Just like Friday, when she left to go study I went to Bel-Air for a litlte while. As if seeing the 16M twice wasn't enough, how about a brand new California to complete the current Ferrari lineup? Had dinner in Deneve with Sophia, and after that I was on my own for the rest of the night. Thanks to Derek and Harry, I had plenty of smoothies to enjoy at BruinCafe. But I decided that rather than make more plans to fill up the night, it was best for me to spend those last few hours alone. After all, they were the last few hours I would spend at UCLA this schoolyear. I walked around the Hill quietly, letting many memories fill my head and writing down my feelings as the night progressed. I'll post those things in the next couple days when I have time. For now, I'm glad that I have been able to be a part of life at UCLA for another exciting schoolyear, and look forward to returning again in the near future. Congratulations to those who are graduating, good luck on finals to everyone, and have a great summer! And ff you're gonna be around during the summer, don't forget to let me know! =).

05/28: Just about done packing for tomorrow's UCLA trip. Everything about this week feels a bit different, now that my work schedule is slowly winding down for the schoolyear and it doesn't feel like a daily routine anymore. Today definitely felt like a Friday, probably because I don't have to work tomorrow. That's why I'm able to get to UCLA at 11AM instead of at night. And with all day Friday to hang out, I may be able to squeeze in some time on Saturday to go to Beverly Hills to shoot cars too. Speaking of cars, there's been some amazing stuff around here this week. Yesterday I saw a Lotus Sport Elise (one of 50) in Diamond Bar, and today I caught a CLK63 Black Series in Walnut. Good stuff...

Yesterday was Vanessa's birthday, so after practice Jeremy, Juliann, Ken, and I joined her to celebrate at Yardhouse in Brea. It was a lot of fun, though I was extremely tired since I had to wake up early in the morning to take my car to the tire shop. On Tuesday I spontaneously decided to take a look at my tires, and here's what I saw-

05/26: Final UCLA VISIT this schoolyear - This Friday to Saturday (5/29-5/30)! Due to an unexpected change in my teaching schedule that worked in my favor, I'm now completely free on Friday, meaning I'll probably arrive at around lunchtime rather than at night, and I'll have all day Friday and Saturday to hang out and visit people. I'm making an effort to spend time with my friends who are graduating, since I may not be able to see them nearly as often in the future. But of course, I will let my schedule work itself out once I'm there on Friday. I won't be surprised to discover that a lot of people are stressing out over essays, finals, etc... but I have a feeling this trip will still turn out great, and it will mark the end of my first full year of visiting UCLA regularly as a graduate.

05/26: Tuesday morning, the beginning of another week of work. It's quickly starting to hit me that the schoolyear is coming to an end - most of my tutoring work is already winding down and coming to an end (and I still have no clue what's gonna happen in the summer). I feel just like I did when I was a student at this time of the year. Not that I'm not gonna focus on my work, but I'm definitely looking forward to a break.

This 3-day weekend was definitely a pretty good break. After church on Sunday a huge group of GCCI'ers went to eat at Life Plaza a.k.a. Happy Crab House. I was extremely surprised to run into Esther(Chang) there - we hadn't seen each other for years, and suddenly we randomly meet at the place we used to hang out all the time. After lunch, Ken, Steph, and Royce came over to hang out for a bit. Next time they come over, we all need to play some Starcraft. Maybe the new version will be out by then! Today was Jason's housewarming party - an afternoon/evening of hanging out, eating good food, and playing Rock Band. Good times...

One last thing - UCLA Visit this coming weekend! Since the schoolyear is ending, it's gonna be my last visit this year, and I hope it will turn out great! More details coming soon.

05/23: It's 3 in the morning. I'm still awake, patiently waiting for my stomach to digest my dinner a little bit more before going to bed. Coffeehouse turned out to be great, even though it's kind of disappointing that not that many people came. Our new worship team did quite well - we were all a bit nervous and had our share of mistakes, but that's how every team slowly learns to work as a group and improve together. The artists were all amazing, probably one of our best lineups ever. It makes me wonder what the heck I'm doing on the stage at all. I don't understand, it seems like now that I don't take piano lessons anymore, I get even more ridiculously nervous about playing classical music on stage for some reason. I really wish it's easy to just forget that there's an audience, because I can swear when Ben and I practiced we sounded much better than we did on stage. Or maybe it's because he's standing a lot farther away so I couldn't really hear him. Overall, the performance wasn't too bad, though it could have been better (at least on my part). The impromptu Mario song was a nice surprise too. Another surprise - Yu-Ching is back from Georgetown! It's crazy that so many schools are over already... and I still don't know what the heck I'm doing with my life this summer. Time to seriously pray and figure things out.

In other news, I got to spend a few hours yesterday hanging out with Yune! We finally got back in touch after several years. The last time we really got to hang out was sophomore year in college, and since then she's been to Turkey and back, and I've gone through some pretty crazy adventures myself. It's great to get to hang out and catch up again. We ate lunch at Tasty Garden in Alhambra, and enjoyed some frozen yogurt in San Gabriel afterwards. She's totally right - no matter how full we are from lunch, there's always room for yogurt!

Speaking of food... yes, several of us hungry ones decided to go for a late-night dinner after Coffeehouse. With Jeremy and Ken, it wasn't too difficult to decide to spend another night at TGI Friday's. We even got the exact same table. Also with us this time were Berenice, Chuck, Stephanie, and Christina. It was pretty much like Wednesday's hangout - appetizers, sangrias (for those who are old enough of course), and lots of Jack sauce. Except we stayed much later this time, since we got there later. To be honest, I'm too tired to even remember half the stuff we talked about, and it took me a while to even remember what I ate, even though it's still in my stomach right now. I'm starting to feel kind of spoiled to not have to go to church until 11AM, but if I don't go to sleep soon, I probably won't even be able to wake up for that. So yea, time for me to shut up and hop in bed. Goodnight!

05/20: Late-night entry after worship practice and an awesome time at TGI Friday's with Marcus, Juliann, Jeremy, Ken, and Vanessa. God is really providing for our team, and even though it's crazy that we're gonna be leading worship for the first time this Saturday at Coffeehouse, I can say for the first time that we actually have something to present now. Technically, it's not our first time leading. For those of us who were there in the beginning, remember that one morning when we had to lead worship for a prayer meeting before the sun even came up? Sure, it was ridiculously early in the morning, but there's no doubt God used us despite our weaknesses. And I'm confident that He will use us again on Saturday as long as we trust in Him. In other news, sangrias are awesome. So are chicken wings with Jack Daniels' sauce. Special thanks to Jeremy for his amazing generosity. As last year's Taiwan mission team learned from experience, spending time with the team outside of practice will greatly enhance our team dynamics. For those who are not doing anything on Saturday night, come to Coffeehouse at GCCI. Ben and I will be performing a classical violin/piano piece, and if all goes as planned the artist lineup is quite impressive this time. With that said, time for me to sleep!

05/19: Sometimes it's hard to truly appreciate something without first feeling the pain of losing it. For the past week, the situation on my computer had been quite stagnant. The promblematic disk partition was still inaccessible and showing little or no sign of life, and I was getting closer and closer to giving up. Last night I booted up the partition that was still working to attempt my last idea for recovering my lost files, and before I even had a chance to try, something strange happened. Suddenly, the previously inaccessible partition appeared and was able to be read from the working partition again. It seemed too good to be true, and I seized the opportunity immediately. I had daydreamed about this many times in the past several weeks, and had already memorized exactly which files I would rush to grab first if I had a chance. Little did I know the chance would actually come. I watched in amazement as everything that I thought was lost forever reappeared before my eyes. Even now, I still find it extremely hard to believe.

I had to leave my room and return to it several times just to verify that it wasn't a dream. I decided to leave the computer on until I can figure out what to do next, because God only knows if an opportunity like this will come again once I restart the system. As long as I can retain access to the erroneous partition, I can continue to pull out whatever documents I want, in case I think of anything else that I may need. Once that's done, I'll be more than happy to send the computer to the Apple store (under warranty) to not only get the hard drive checked, but also to have all the other little problems on it fixed. And I don't have to worry at all about losing anything.

Sure, those who are more technologically knowledgable may be able to explain what happened in technical terms. But to me, it will always be a miracle. Like I've explained to many people that I talked to during these past few weeks, problems like this have haunted me ever since I learned to type. And almost every time, it was some sort of ridiculous problem that nobody could explain, and I was forced to simply accept the loss and move on. But this was the first time in my life that, while battling such a problem, I was actually able to recover what I thought was unrecoverable. In what I consider one of the most frustrating series of battles in my life that I have long fought and will probably always be forced to fight, it's great to know that miracles really can happen, even though I had long given up hope on ever experiencing one. Sure, this battle isn't over yet, and as far as I can see, my life now, which is slightly less convenient than before, will continue to stay this way until the computer is completely fixed. But as far as I can see, the most painful part of the battle is already over, and in that part I've already won.

05/17: SNU. I'm in a surprisingly good mood right now, considering how much of a mess my life is still in. I'm almost out of ideas regarding my computer, meaning either my final few attempts succeed or I will give it up and respond accordingly. Sure, I'm not too thrilled about all the potential losses. But at this point I'm definitely sick of living without direction. Needless to say, this week has been pretty dull for the most part, minus hanging out with Ken, Vanessa, and Juliann after practice on Wednesday. Practice went quite well too... things are finally starting to work out again - that is, if everyone can stay committed. There's still many things that need to be changed, but at least at this rate we should expect to finally create some presentable music by next week. Hanging out afterwards definitely helped brighten up my week a little.

Finally got to go to PACT again last night - the house is all decked out now, Marcus style. When Joan heard that I was in charge of bringing dinner, she told Jary "Calvin better not order pizza". But by the time they arrived, I had already brought three boxes from Domino's. Epic Fail. Come on, not everyone is gifted in cooking. And if Wilson were here, he would probably have done the same. After church today, a bunch of us congregated at Coconut Bay for lunch while enjoying the Laker game. Three Thai iced teas kept me pretty awake for the entire day (and probably explains why I'm still sitting here writing even though it's past midnight already). Went to Ben's house in the evening to rehearse our Coffeehouse piece. We're both feeling a lot more confident now that we got to practice together. After a little more work, we'll be ready just in time for Saturday's performance. I stayed for dinner with Ben and Grandma, and enjoyed some amazing kung-fu video games afterwards. The game was awesome, but come on, using boxes of noodles falling from the sky and mini Buddha statues to refill life?? Let's come up with something a little more creative and less um... racially charged? Maybe in level two, I'll get to fight a panda.

I can't forget to mention that much of why I'm feeling quite happy right now is because of several great phone conversations I had throughout the week. The most recent one was with Yune, and it just ended not too long ago. It's been years since we last got to talk like this. The more I think about it, the more I realize she's right when she told me that when we were at UCLA, she simply knew me as someone who loves photographing cars and eating dorm food. Then again, we never really stayed caught up with each other's lives ever since I moved up to Hedrick for junior year. Now that we both graduated and are trying to figure out what to do with our lives, it's a good time to catch up again. We got to reflect on a lot of our experiences in these past few years, and it made me realize once again that God is in fact writing my life stories now just like he always has. When I have time (and a working computer), I really wish to organize all my incredible college experiences into a gigantic story and write it all out. Suddenly, writing a hundred-page book seems easier than ever before. But of course, at this point I have plenty of other things to worry about first.

05/11: I'm very surprised to discover that the error on our family computer that has kept MSN Messenger from working all this time has magically fixed itself. Sure, my own computer is still a mess right now, but knowing that MSN works gives me a very strong motivation to try waking up earlier in the morning so I can chat with my friends from Taiwan and China. In this seemingly hopeless point of my life, that motivation is exactly what I need.

05/10: Happy Mother's Day. We had a special family dinner celebration for Mom, Aunt Amy, and Grandma. Ben and I did a last-minute "performance", which is really an additional rehearsal for our Coffeehouse performance (5/23). To avoid the millions of people swarming to restaurants during lunch, Ken, Joseph, and I chose to have lunch at a little noodle place at Yes Plaza. I parked a block down at the neighborhood to avoid the crowded parking lot and used my scooter to complete the rest of the commute, and at the end I was the first one there. Haha... After that, we got some boba at Quickly's across the street. Nothing like a nice cup of boba on a hot afternoon. And a Sprinkle's cupcake from Winnie after church also made me happy. Catching a friggin' Bentley Brooklands on the way home made things even better. By the way, for those who have been keeping up with my car spotting updates, this car is owned by the same supermegaultrablingblingchachillionaire I wrote about a couple months ago (3/13 entry). Anyway, I just got off the phone with Steph(Lin)... it's been forever since we got to talk for so long. I should be getting ready to sleep soon, but Sunday night simply doesn't feel complete without an SNU. It's been a great weekend, except for the fact that gardeners started mowing the lawn yesterday at 6:45 in the freakin' morning (!!) and I couldn't fall asleep after that. Hopefully I'll make up for that sleep tonight. Tomorrow will kick off another busy week of battling my computer-related issues. Things are not looking good so far, but what really bothers me right now is the feeling that a gigantic "pause" button has been pressed over the majority of my life at this point. I feel like I can't proceed with anything until I am able to make a decision to either continue clinging on to the near-impossible chance of a miracle or to accept the loss and move on. It's a very difficult decision, and I'm not giving up until I've tried every option possible. So let the battle continue...

05/08: Back at home after a great night. Went to Wilson High School to watch their Spring Concert, thanks to Jenny who invited me. There's something magical about being at a concert that never fails to amaze me. Sure, it's just a high school band, but they're pretty darn good, and they improved a lot since the last time I heard them. I've always thought there was something amazing about getting so many people together, each playing their individual instruments, and creating a big picture that is so beautiful. Several times during the concert I thought about all the opportunities I had in college to listen to great music like this. Unfortunately, I gave up most of the opportunities I had, taking them for granted and often attending them out of obligation as a music student. Yes, I had other time commitments that were just as important, and I don't regret the decisions I made in college on how to spend my time. But it's during times like this that I connect once again with the musician deep inside of me, which I've more or less abandoned for the sake of focusing on other things in life until I figure out what to do with it. As I watched the graduating seniors walk across the room one by one, I wanted to go up to them and tell them how blessed they are to be part of such great music ensembles. I wanted to encourage them to pursue their God-given talents and use them to the fullest. Life is such an incredible journey, and God only knows what amazing things are in store for each and every one of them.

After saying hello to Jenny, I left for my next destination - Ally's house! She came back this weekend for an interview, and called me yesterday inviting me to hang out with her and Esther. We revisited our old tradition of "chips & noodles", followed by some awesome youtube videos. It's such an incredible feeling when you know someone thinks of you and wants to spend time with you even though there are so many other things they can do. And I have to admit Ally's call came right when I needed it. Even though all we did was enjoy some food and spend a little time together, I was extremely encouraged simply by the fact that someone thought of me in a time when I was feeling hopeless. It's hard for me to see hope when there's so much seemingly unnecessary garbage I have to deal with, and as I prepare to fight a very long and tedious battle, I praise God for sending angels to remind me that He's still here with me.

05/07: Two and a half years of peace, and suddenly the battle begins again. I don't understand... some things just come back and haunt me over and over again. I worked very hard to earn money, be careful, and do everything possible to make sure my past will not repeat itself again. But it can never seem to completely leave me alone. Sure, I admit, the months I spent in college without a computer were life-changing times. God used those times to shape me and prepare me for the amazing things He had in store for me, and I am by no means complaining about them. But I'm pretty sure I'm right when I assume that I've learned those lessons very well, to a point where I have not only found freedom in the strength I gained, but also used my experiences to bless other people. Why, then, must history repeat itself in my life? For two and a half years, I thought I finally found the peace that I had wanted ever since I knew how to type. Sure, there were little ups and downs that made me frustrated, but at least those things posed no immediate threat to me. Now I'm faced with a sudden unexplainable loss that could cost me more than I'll ever be able to repay. I usually see myself as a person with no regrets, since I believe God can turn all things into good. And I believe this situation is no exception. But in the midst of all this pain, I can't help but regret so many things that I should have done differently had I known what was going to happen. At the very least, the extent of this loss makes me feel like the past couple months of my life have gone to complete waste. Some of the things I did during this time were of little significance, but others were definitely life changing, and I don't see why God would allow me to suddenly lose it all with the blink of an eye. It just doesn't make sense. I can fall on the ground and cry my heart out, but it's not gonna do a thing to change the situation. I've done it many times before, and it never worked. Sadly, I've prayed too, and it never worked when it came to things like this. Of course, I understand God has a purpose behind everything He does, and I believe that if He allows me to go through this, then there must be a new lesson for me to learn. But going through the initial pain always hurts, and I don't know how long it's gonna take for me to get over all this. God, let your will be done...

05/06: Dream & Imagine Worship Team. Just got back from practice not too long ago, and I hate to say this, but I'm extremely disappointed in the way things are turning out. Don't get me wrong, it's not because anyone did anything wrong... I love this team and see great talent and potential in all of us, and we have made a lot of progress both musically and spiritually since we first formed the team. But sometimes circumstances just don't work in our favor. At least that's the way I feel. For the past several weeks I had been extremely pumped about our rehearsals, because I realized that we aren't too far from a sudden burst of progress that will make us both encouraged about our role in the team and excited about being a part of it. Getting there required some crucial steps that nobody else realized, so I decided to take them. And it really encouraged me to see that the time and effort I spent behind the scenes were paying off. But now we're faced with a situation where either a miracle happens, or we'll have to sacrifice a majority of our talents simply because of a few key factors that we have no control over. First, people have things to do outside of our team, and those things are very important too. So it's hard to find people who are truly committed to the team to a point where they are willing to make sacrifices for the sake of commitment. Also, musically we're stuck in a position where we really can't make much progress because of factors that are beyond our control. Like I said earlier, everyone on the team has so much talent and potential, and the fact that we aren't able to use it to the fullest leaves me extremely disappointed. I can envision us doing so much, and we're so close to being able to do it, yet still so far away at the same time. I've been trying to step up and initiate things a lot more, and the last thing I want to see is people feeling left out and unimportant. From the very beginning, I saw this team as something extraordinary, and I'm not willing to settle for just plain ordinary. Perhaps my expectations are a bit high, but is it really that hard to expect what I see as basic requirements of a good music team? It really breaks my heart to realize that there's a big chance we won't be able to use nearly as much talent as we actually have, and that big sacrifices will have to be made. But of course, ultimately it's still about worshipping God, so if this is where God wants our team to be right now, then I shouldn't be complaining. It's just really difficult for me to get over my disappointment. I pray for motivation from God to continue pouring my heart out to this team even when things aren't going my way. I pray that we can continue to stand strong as individuals and as a team, and trust in God to provide for our needs. May God's will continue to be done.

05/04: Monday night. Considering I still have a lot to worry about regarding my computer and it's making me very behind on everything else I have to do, I'm surprisingly happy right now. And there's a couple reasons for that. First, I spontaneously went on www.supercars.net not too long ago and found a familiar image under "Picture of the Day".

05/03: SNU. My legs are still extremely sore, and much of my skin still hurts from being sunburned. First I was worrying my butt off about the high chance of rain on Saturday, and now I'm sunburned! In fact, last night my face was so red that Christine(Dang) and several of her friends found it hard to believe that I didn't have any alcohol. And I'm not complaining at all - all the physical pain I feel now is the result of an amazing weekend that has given me the very strength I need to face the new week.

Friday - I decided not to carry out my crazy idea of driving to Santa Monica during morning traffic to catch a glimpse of the Gumball 3000, and it turned out to be a good decision. Several people went there and reported back to the forums saying there were only a dozen or so cars, and they weren't even the best ones. Of course, that's because they didn't know all the cars were probably hiding a few blocks down at the Viceroy. But still, it made me glad I decided to wait until Saturday. So I drove to UCLA right after work, and things went pretty much as I had originally planned. Well, sort of. Traffic was surprisingly clear, so I arrived very early and had some extra time to call Rushi and figure out some details for our Gumball trip. Just as I was about to head down to GOC, I ran into Chris(Santiago), who was waiting for Alex, Ben, and a huge gang of people for dinner at Covel. I gave in to temptation and accepted the invitation to join. Ran into Tiffany and Robin at the dining hall and talked with them for a little bit. My invitation to dinner turned out to be a lot more than just one meal swipe. Chris and Alex were both going home, so they offered to let me stay in their room in Canyon Point. Then they figured I needed a way to get inside the building, so Alex gave me his BruinCard, complete with plenty of leftovers from his 19 Regular meal plan. Cha-Ching. It was only a few hours into the trip, and I was already given far more than I could have ever asked for. (Thanks guys!)

Of course, being an hour and a half late to GOC was better than not showing up at all, so I put my scooter to good use. And thank God I had that scooter, otherwise I would have gone crazy when I arrived at Broad and saw the dinky little sign on the door saying that GOC was moved to CS50. I made it to GOC just in time for one last worship song, then it was over. It was fun surprising Derek again - I couldn't do it the last time I visited, since there was no GOC that week. We walked back together to Puzzles and got - what else? - Chicken nuggets with curly fries. When the box of food went empty and Derek had to leave, I finished making my typical Friday night round of phone calls (to confirm plans for the trip), then went to Rendezvous to take advantage of their internet access. That's when I found out about the slightly disappointing turnout at the Gumball display. At the same time, those who went to the Viceroy posted pictures to update the world with exactly what cars would be present at the starting line the next day, and it made me extremely excited about being there myself. I met up with Jerry, Antony, and their floormates at Puzzles, then went to hang out in their room for a while. I found out that Brooke is also a fan of the Daily Bruin crossword puzzles. It's been years since I touched one, but doing so brought back some great memories. Brooke and I tried to finish the entire puzzle on our own - in fact, she vowed not to go to sleep until we finished it all. Fail. But at least we got most of it done. (When Monday's Daily Bruin comes out, can someone grab a copy of it for me so I can see the answers?). Jerry offered to let me spend the night there, but at the end I chose to stay at Chris and Alex's room, because (1) it saves Jerry and Antony a little trouble and (2) Canyon Point is a lot closer to SV parking structure, so it's much easier to move my stuff back and forth. It was a strange feeling being in the room by myself. I was satisfied beyond words; whether it's getting pumped up for the Gumball, running away from my problems at home, or simply enjoying another weekend at UCLA, I knew without doubt the trip was, and would continue to be, a success.

Saturday - The first thing I did when I woke up was look out the window at the sky. No rain. It sprinkled for a couple minutes on Friday night, but since then the sky was clear. I had several preparation plans for my journey to Santa Monica - one for a high chance of rain (no scooter but a huge umbrella to keep my camera dry), one for possible sprinkles (scooter, mini folding umbrella, and long pants), and one for a perfect sunny day at the beach (scooter, shorts, and no umbrella). The weather report still said it would rain, but I decided to take a risk, and chose the third option. Went to Westwood first to hang out with Tammy at Coffee Bean. I can't believe she's graduating soon... it's one thing to feel old about yourself, but it's a totally different feeling when you meet people during their freshman year and watch them go through college until they're almost done. After that, I went to the bus stop, hopped on the #1, and was on my way to the beach. First stop - the Viceroy. Most of the cars were still at the hotel, including the gold Veyron. I shot them all first before heading out to the beach parking lot to enjoy the actual show. Met up with Rushi at the show and enjoyed all the nice rides together. The public parking lot was quite impressive too - an Elise, an Exige, an SLR, NSX, Tesla Roadster, Arnage R, Audi R8, two Maseratis, three GT-R's and an R34 Skyline. Oh and a new LP-560 Gallardo. Needless to say, the actual Gumball was phenomenal. Highlights include an SLR Roadster 722S, two Veyrons, Max Cooper's XJ220, a Versace LP640 Roadster, and an unexpected last-minute entrant - a friggin SSC Ultimate Aero. Seeing one of those in person was definitely life-changing. You know you're having a good day when you're driving exotic cars that are not even registered for US streets and police block off street traffic so you can take off on an open road. And you know something special's going on when you pull up at a red light next to a Rolls-Royce convertible filled with Look-at-me-I'm-richer-than-you princes and princesses from Saudi Arabia. Despite a few cars showing up late (too much to drink at the party, perhaps?), the program happened on time, and I was back at UCLA with plenty of time to visit people and continue enjoying my time there.

It was 3:00, meaning Bruin Cafe had just opened and it was time to grab a cold soda to help myself recover from an exhausting several hours at the Gumball. That's when I ran into Eric and exchanged what-the-heck-are-you-doing-here's. Turned out he was around the area, along with Ricky Eva and Chris, and Chris brought them to UCLA to use up a few swipes before going back home. After a nice shower to feel refreshed, I ran into Chris(Wible) by the bike racks (where I always run into him) and we talked for a while. Then I called Matt and we went on our second spontaneous exploration trip around campus. It wasn't as thrilling as our late-night "zombie hunt" in the LS building, but it was still fun nonetheless. This time we went to Dodd and the Law building. Random, I know, but sometimes randomness is what makes an otherwise routine life interesting. Next, I met up with Derek at the apartments to take the BruinCard he didn't need for dinner. It's amazing how almost every time I visit, there are people who don't need their swipes. I spent that swipe on an awesome dinner with Jerry, Antony, Kevin, and Amy. It's amazing how they totally read my mind and decided to eat in Hedrick. I hadn't been in Hedrick dining hall this whole schoolyear, and I was even considering going there by myself just to check out the new stir-fry bar. The stir-fry bar definitely wasn't disappointing. And what surprised me most was when I saw the chef working there - it was Juan, everyone's favorite omelet cook from Rieber! I remembered him ever since my freshman year (since I had breakfast at Rieber almost every day), and it turned out he still remembered me too! So we enjoyed a nice conversation while my food was being made. After dinner, I returned to my favorite place to randomly wander around - Bruin Cafe. After all, there were many swipes in my pocket that I had to burn, since I didn't want to see them go to waste. Ran into Rebecca there and we got to catch up for a little while. Then I spent some more time talking with Chris(Wible) - Since he's the supervisor at BC now, he could talk during work when he didn't need to do anything. An hour and another smoothie later, Derek came back from his dinner event and I gave him back the BruinCard. Then I went to visit Christine(Shen), and we did our usual spontaneous apartment walk. It was already pretty late at night, so we decided not to go explore this time. At 11:30, I went to visit Christine(Dang) at Rieber Terrace - that's when she and her friends assumed I was drunk. I guess that explains why many people throughout the day gave me weird looks. Oh well, it's not like they'll see me again for another 3-4 weeks. Went to visit Trinh in the lounge, then decided it was time to head home. Of course, I couldn't leave without burning one more swipe. That's nine swipes in the 30 hours I spent at UCLA. And thanks to that last smoothie, the drive home was quite enjoyable despite me being so tired.

Today - Went to church in the morning... I was very tired (and still very red), but I was very excited about being in the house of God. The amazing thing about having a tough week is that it leaves me even more desperate to be close to God. Worshipping God helped me confirm that I now have the strength I need to get up on my feet and try to move forward again. After church, I went to Tokyo Lobby with Ken, Jonathan, Joan, Jary, Marcus, Baldwin, and Robert. Great food, great price... nothing to complain about. And the GT-R in the parking lot was a nice surprise too. (Not that seeing half a dozen of them yesterday wasn't enough...). Spent the evening/night working on the computer - so far things are looking good, even though it's a very long process, so I won't be able to know the details about my own computer just yet. I'll write more details about this stuff in the next few days. For now, I'm just very thankful that I'm finally able to face the truth and not be afraid. There were several times in the past few days when I wondered whether or not it was right of me to feel so excited about the UCLA trip and the Gumball 3000, since I knew deep inside that I was using them as an escape from reality. For days I had tried to avoid being in my room and occupied myself with work around the house from morning until night to keep myself from thinking about my problems. I knew that going to LA would help me focus on other things, and even if that focus was temporary, it would at least give me some time to cool down before I proceed with facing reality. Even though it seems like my UCLA Visits are always extremely busy, the truth is that there are often large chunks of time that I spend sitting by myself relaxing, and yesterday I was able to use those times to think about home from an outside point of view. Being in LA to me is like living in a dream - so many memories, so many stories past and present, and so many things to be excited about. The more I thought about it, the more I was able to convince myself that God really loves me and wouldn't have allowed this to happen to me if He sees no good in it. God sent so many angels at UCLA into my life during the past couple days to remind me that He really does care, and in a time when my faith was weak, that was the very reminder I needed. Being at church this morning reinforced my realization of God's love again. There was power in every song we sang, and there was power in Marcus' sermon, which reminded me that everything in my life happens only because God allows it to happen. Right now, I can't exactly say that I'm completely happy, but I definitely know that I'm ready to trust in God and face whatever lies ahead of me in this coming week.