08/29: The flood is over, and it's a brand new beginning. It still feels a little weird to be sitting here in my own room writing this like I used to always do. After countless attempts, my computer - both the Mac and Windows partitions - is finally working perfectly again. At least I hope it is. After all, I'm not a computer expect, so God only knows if I did everything correctly. But it's about time I learn to figure things out on my own and not depend on others to take care of everything for me. I feel quite accomplished right now as a result of so much trial and error that eventually led to success. Of course, the process of reinstalling all my software (including the one needed to upload this entry) can still take quite some time, especially since I often forget what I had installed previously until I need to use it. But I'm just thankful that after so many months, I finally have my own working computer again. And I'm finally able to organize pictures, edit videos, work on music, and do everything else I used to do on my computer with ease. It actually feels like I just got a brand new computer - even though the machine is three years old, everything on it suddenly feels brand new again. My relationships with computers have always been rough, but I believe there's always room for me to learn new lessons, whether it's fixing problems as they come up or learning to be patient with situations that are beyond my control. This is the beginning of a new relationship, and I pray that I will not take it for granted like I once did, but rather treasure it and do my best to make the most out of it.

08/28: Late-night update after a Jack Wings (and Guiness) party to celebrate Peter's birthday. It's been a pretty crazy few days - the ridiculous heat, a bunch of stuff in my head to sort out, and a little bit of fun once in a while to spice up my life. Went to Boston Cafe after worship practice on Wednesday - I was really out of it that night... thats why I was noticeably quieter than usual. But whatever... I'm just glad I got to get out of the house for a while. Had dinner at Taipan with Jon Marcus Ken and Juliann last night - there's some exciting things taking place at Hacienda Plaza / New World Center / whatever that place is gonna be called. More details TBA. "Monk's Blend" tea was soo good... I even convinced myself to get one in place of boba just to change things up a bit. Had dinner at Souplantation with Juliann and Ken today, followed by prayer meeting at church, then the Jack Wings party. Originally, I wasn't even planning on going to the prayer meeting, until I realized we got drafted into leading worship. Praise God for letting me be willing to do this even when a big part of me doesn't feel like it. Actually, life hasn't been all that bad these days. Mom and I talked things through a couple days ago, and I really wish we will remember all the things we talked about and apply them in our relationship. I definitely have a lot I need to work on myself, and that explains why there's so much in my head I need to sort out. I'll write everything out when I have time - and when I get my computer fixed. Speaking of my computer, I'm simply sick of waiting any longer for people to help me find solutions or hook me up with good deals, so I've decided that, if possible, I'll simply reset things to the way they were before everything crashed. After all, that configuration lasted me almost three years. The flood has already come, and my only concern now is how long it will last. I'm doing my best, but I'm no expert, so I can only wish for the best. It's 1 in the morning, which means I'll save the rest of the work for tomorrow - assuming my room won't be unbearably hot again (or the AC's on... I don't like turning it on just for myself cuz it's such a waste of power). Anyway, before I shut up, I wanna say thanks to everyone who's been there to help me in these past few days. Apparently people actually read this thing, so that's why I'm updating right now so they won't think my life is still the same as it was after I wrote the last entry. Things are much better now, and I'm sure it has to do with the fact that people have been praying for me. God sent angels in my life to remind me that I'm not alone when it comes to going through family problems, and through mutual prayer and understanding I felt much more comforted. And by God's grace, things are all worked out now. Please continue to pray that I'll be determined to do my best to continue making the most out of this life that God has given me, whether it's in my family, with my friends, or with my work. With that said, it's time for me to go to sleep. Goodnight!

08/25: I really don't want to be here right now. I hate to admit things like this, but at times like this I really wish I don't live here. Life at home hasn't been easy for any of us this summer, and we've all accidentally blown up at others or unintentionally hurt others at least once. With that in mind, I'm really not trying to blame anybody. But when it becomes impossible to have a simple conversation without it turning into an opportunity to criticize me and complain about me, what's the point of trying to have a conversation at all? I'd much rather lock myself in my room and live in peace. Actually, I'd rather get out of the house completely. This was one of those rare days when I actually tried coming up with every excuse possible to get out of the house, purposely splitting errands into multiple trips. I'm usually the one that tries to plan things out and be efficient, but in this case there are more important things for me to worry about. And with half of my car still looking like it came fresh out of hell, I'm not exactly a happy driver, and that shows very clearly in the way I drive. I'm thankful to be alive right now. Things should have turned out a lot worse each time I used driving as a way to vent my anger. And my conscience isn't happy with me making a bunch of innocent people around me feel like I have something against them when I don't. Then again, my conscience isn't happy with a lot of things. I admit a part of why my life is a mess now is my fault. I've always been more or less of a jerk at times, and as much as I try hard to change that, it's still so easy for me to get too caught up with small things and pick out every little detail I can complain to others about without focusing on the big picture. I've hurt my family in the past a lot more than they deserve. And I don't blame them for not forgetting those things. But I'm really trying to improve. And it really isn't easy, especially when I feel like I'm neither making progress nor getting encouragement to keep going. And each time I do something stupid, it just adds to that ever-increasing pile of guilt deep in my heart. I know God forgives me of the things I've done wrong. If only Jesus were human and I could communicate with him like I do with friends. I know He listens to me, cares for me, and answers my questions. But I'm simply too bewildered by everything around me at this time to focus on reading the Bible, getting on my knees to pray, and all those things that I know will help me grow closer to God. I've been having a lot of random mood swings lately, as the result of trying hard to cheer myself up and find hope in the midst of a life filled with chaos and disaster. I don't know what to do with my life, with my tutoring schedule this new schoolyear, with music... I don't know how to accomplish all the things I feel burdened to accomplish. Maybe I'm just a little crazy. Recently I've been having trouble concentrating on a lot of things. My energy seems to run low very quickly, and when I wake up in the morning I never actually feel fully awake. I forget things minutes after doing them. I feel like I'm losing control over my life - not in the sense that life is getting harder, but that my grasp is getting smaller. Most of the problems I'm facing now are not unfamiliar to me, but I'm not able to face life the way I used to. And while I typically like my life to be well-organized, recently it seems like I'm content with sloppiness all around me simply because I'm sick of complaining. A part of me feels like I'm really going insane. And if that's true, my one prayer is that my insanity will be over something worth going insane for. I still believe that there's hope in the knowledge that God has control over my life and has a reason for letting all these things happen to me. And a part of me is still strong enough to say that I look forward to seeing the happy endings of whatever stories God is writing in my life now. But in the mean time, I'm simply sick of being treated like someone I can't live up to. Thank God that there are people around me - both family and friends - who see my weaknesses and the ways I've wronged them and approach me honestly about those things in a way that prompts me to change. Encouragement is such a powerful tool, and I wish and pray that God will bless me with the gift of encouragement to love the people around me, because it's truly amazing what even a small amount of encouragement can do. I'm usually pretty good at stepping outside the box and seeing life from an outsider's perspective to figure out what needs to be done. But sometimes I'm no less stupid than the people around me that I often think are stupid. I need encouragement and I need motivation, otherwise things simply don't end up like I know they should. I'm sick of people setting goals for me without helping me reach them. I'm sick of people shoving things down my throat without considering whether or not I can take it. And at this point, I've had enough. My best bet at this point is to work on the things in my life that need to be improved while avoiding potentionally becoming any more crazy than I am now. Because if things keep getting worse, I really don't know how long I'll be able to take it.

08/25: The long-awaited G-Vo concert is over. A lot of people around me already started school. I'm technically supposed to start schooltime tutoring again too, except I've been too out of it to make all the phone calls I need to make. Oh well, I'll worry about it after taking a desperately needed nap. Saturday's concert was extremely exhausting, since we spent the entire day at the auditorium practicing, soundchecking, and hanging out. Thanks to everyone who attended the show. Got to see a lot of old IV friends too... it seems like I got back in touch with so many people from IV through being part of this event. Hopefully I'll have more opportunities to work with Rajeev in the future! After the concert, I went with Ken Juliann Cynthia and Vanessa to Denny's for a late night dinner (breakfast?). It was one of those nights when, despite being tired, I simply couldn't go to sleep without celebrating a little. Sunday - lunched at Red Ant Cafe after church. Indonesian fried rice was amazing as usual. Juliann and Ken came over to visit afterwards. Yesterday - An awesome adventure with Juliann, Cynthia, Steph(Lee), and XF. We attempted to go to the Getty, but ended up stuck in traffic forever cuz of some fallen tree, so we made up for it by having lunch at the amazing Roscoe's Chicken 'n' Waffles. I finally got to try that place... and it's truly awesome. The fact that we were pretty much the only Asian people there made it an even more interesting experience. Went shopping at the Grove afterwards, then visited Chris at UCLA. We all had dinner together at BJ's, followed by the one and only Diddy Riese. We originally planned to head back to Rowland Hts to get boba too, but we simply had too much in our stomachs already. And we planned to go to Cue too, but it was closed already. Fail. The night ended with a couple hours of Karaoke - pictures (and videos) coming when I have time to post them.

Anyway, it's Tuesday afternoon and here I am now tired out of my mind from the past few days, and not exactly looking forward to whatever life has in front of me. I'll treat myself to a nap before writing any more, but I do want to say thanks to everyone who spent time with me in the past few days - people who called me, people who wanted to hang out, whatever... you guys have no idea how much it helped me. I don't like to run away from problems, but sometimes it's important to get my mind off them to avoid blowing up, and you guys not only helped me do that, but gave me something to look forward to and look back in in the midst of chaos. Goodnight.

08/21: A little unexpected twist in the story. Let the picture speak for itself-

08/21: One day before the big concert. (see 8/9 entry for details). God has been extremely kind to us - on Monday G-VO had an interview with Ryan Seacrest on KIIS FM to promote the event. Also, we received a huge donation to have the concert professionally filmed. And of course, it simply wouldn't feel like a successful event without a good audience turnout. As of yesterday, all 1300 or so tickets have been sold out. For those who want to come but haven't purchased tickets, they will be available at the door in limited quantities, so get there early. I've played in venues larger than this before, but the style of music, target audience, and level of professionalism make this a very unique opportunity for me, and I feel extremely honored to have a part in it. Tonight I'll get to see the Ambassador Auditorium for the first time, and I think it will make me even more excited. I pray that our team will continue to have strength and be focused both on having a good performance and on the purpose behind it all. God has been very faithful and has led us very far since the inception of this event, and I look forward to letting Him continue to work through us at the concert tomorrow.

08/21: Friday afternoon - Back at home again after a very busy week. The termites are dead, and the house is once again inhabitable. We moved back home yesterday, but by then I was too busy and tired to bother with writing. So here I am now, giving myself a little break before jumping into concert mode for tomorrow's show. Last Saturday I got to meet Wong Fu productions and Far East Movement at the 99 Ranch (Hacienda Hts) plaza event. Does that plaza have a name? Cuz if so, it would be so much easier to describe to people. Anyway, it was fun hanging out there all afternoon. And the biggest surprise - I ran into Jessica (Grace's old friend) there, and she still remembers me! Got to meet a bunch of her friends too, and we all went to hang out at TenRen's. Went to Diamond Plaza for dinner with my aunt & uncle from Georgia, followed by dinner with PACT. Yep, two dinners back to back. Life is awesome. Sunday - went to Chili's after church, and went to Joe's house at night for a BBQ party. Pictures coming soon. After that, it was all packing, moving, and going crazy over the termite madness. Living at Steph and Ben's house was quite fun, thanks to the fact that they have a Nintendo Wii. Went to visit Grace (in the same neighborhood) on Tues night to play some Gooballs. Had worship practice on Wednesday, followed by another Jack Wings party at TGI. This time it was a special occasion - since it was our last chance to hang out with Aomi. Hopefully she'll miss us enough to come back soon! Yesterday - despite all the crazy delays and last-minute problems with the termite treatment, we actually got to move back home in the morning - earlier than planned. But I didn't stay long, since it was time to begin the long-awaited Pasadena area trip! I haven't done organized area trips in so long (assuming UCLA visits don't count), and I'm surprised everything turned out so well despite the last-minute planning. Met with Andrew(Walton), Esther(Li), Tim and Jared in Old Town, then had lunch at CPK. THen went back to Old Town for Jamba Juice (white gummi bear!), which we enjoyed while talking in a very comfortable courtyard. After that, I went to meet with Hannah for dinner at Daphne's. Then went to the G-VO rehearsal, which concluded the evening. I'll write more about the concert later, but despite feeling so tired, I'm really really excited about it. I don't know why, a part of me feels like I'm going insane... literally. Either I'm really overly tired, or there's been too much on my mind, or something's seriously wrong with me. I think I'll quit worrying about it for now and focus on making this concert as great as possible. In other words, I'll shut up now and go practice.

08/17: Termite fumigation starts tomorrow (Tues) morning, so we'll be moving out of the house for a few days. Chances are I'll have very limited Internet access, so if you need to reach me, my cell phone is the best way. With that said, it's time to finish packing the last few items I need to bring before going to sleep. Hopefully I don't forget anything important. I'm pretty sure I got everything covered, since I'm already so used to packing for all my UCLA visits. Goodbye, world, for a few days. And goodbye, termites.

08/15: Saturday morning. Once again there's a worker here working on the house - cutting, painting, nailing, demolishing, whatever it takes to make up for the termite damage that accumulated over the years. Next week the house will be fumigated, so we'll be moving out for a few days. We've been spending a lot of time packing all the stuff we need to take with us - things that we're going to use, along with all the edible items in the house, which wouldn't taste to well if mixed with termite poison.

This process should have taken place years ago. In fact, I was the first to discover the termite problem and warned Mom immediately. But no, she decided to wait. Why? We didn't have money. And after waiting for several years, now the repair bill to fix all the damage is a headache in itself, not to mention the treatment itself. And we still don't have money. With much of the repairs, we're left with no choice but to simply sacrifice rather than make things look a good as they were before. This is our home, for heaven's sake. I consider myself quite easy to please, and by no means do I wish to fill the house with loads of luxuries. All I want is to be a good steward of the things I possess. I clean my room and wash my car regularly, because I want to make the most out of what I have. But it really sucks to be living in a house full of problems knowing we don't - and probably won't for a long time - have the financial means of taking care of it.

I really hate to complain. I know I shouldn't be feeling so discontent. God has blessed our family with a nice house, and I've always viewed it as a gift from God rather than something we earned on our own. Ever since Dad passed away, Mom has been putting every bit of effort into working hard and letting Carol and I have the most comfortable living environment. Unfortunately, her abilities in this country are limited, and so is her knowledge of investing money. We've encountered countless opportunities over the years that would have easily prevented me from feeling the way I do now. But no, we gave up every one of them. And I was too young to understand or speak up. Not that I'm much better at money than Mom is, but I think it's right to say that we need to think ahead rather than focus solely on day-to-day problems. I hate to say this, but if we keep doing things the way we are now, the stress and burden that we feel from financial problems will only multiply, and unless we win the lottery, bankruptcy is the only conclusion.

During times like this, I really wish Dad were still here. Yes, I believe wholeheartedly that his death was a part of God's great plan for our family, and I still think of him often and feel thankful for what happened. But I can't help but wonder what life would be like now if I had a male role model to look up to as a kid, who could teach me skills that would easily pull our family out of times like this. I'm getting older and older, and I wish to be able to financially support the whole family. If I had my way, Mom would have retired already and I would be earning the money to take care of her. I know I can do more, but I simply don't know how.

I guess at this point I should really be thankful. I know a lot of people around me who have never lived in a house like this, and of those who have large houses, many are so overwhelmed by family conflicts that it really doesn't feel like home. I've always enjoyed opening the house to others, whether it's for a big party or for a few friends to hang out. I believe that if God provided our family with this house, I should use it as a means of loving others. And even though I wish to take care of it as well as possible, there are times when doing so is simply impossible, and during these times I should still keep on believing that they are a part of God's plan too. Perhaps a part of me is overly attached to my possessions in a way that displeases God. And if that's the case, then this is one of those rock-bottom times when I pray nothing more than simply for God's will to be done. I shouldn't be complaining or worrying right now, because God made a promise to take care of me, and whatever that might mean, I know that His plan is always the best. And in the same way I wish my family would understand how to make long-term financial choices, I believe God is wishing for me to trust Him with a plan that is larger than anything I can create on my own.

Matthew 6:19-21 tells me exactly what I need to do. "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also". This world is not my home, and I need to set my eyes on heaven and live with the mindset that it is only a temporary stage in my life. If I place God in the center of my life, everything else will fall into place according to His will. So what more should I complain about? Let His will continue to be done in my life.

08/14: Friday late night. It's the third night in a row that I stayed up late, and somehow each night I'm glad I did. First of all, before I forget, new pictures from summer are finally posted - weddings, birthdays, and lots of random activities. And the pics from the Taiwan vacation are up too (only the vacation, the concert stuff takes a lot more work!). My computer is almost ready for the flood, even though I'm not sure exactly when it will happen, since next week will be extremely busy (I'll write more about that in another entry).

Rewind back to last weekend. Got to hang out with Chan-Mi and Joanne at Starbucks on Saturday. Saw a 599 GTB in Diamond Bar(!). Had rehearsal with ClayMusic after church on Sunday - I was gonna skip lunch, but thankfully Joseph also had to eat quick and go to work, so we enjoyed an amazing meal at... McDonalds! The rehearsal was for a Chinese TV recording on Tuesday morning . Somehow these recordings always turn out better than I expect, so I'm looking forward to seeing the show whenever they decide to air it (on Chinese TV, Channel 18). The band got lunch together at Tasty Garden - lots of great food, and I left in time to beat traffic home. Wednesday - Apparently Juliann missed me too much and wanted to hang out, and Jeremy and I both happened to be craving Jack Wings, so we made a TGI run after worship practice. And Steph(Lee) (who apparently came back from Boston without telling me) and her friend XF came to join us too. So we ended up talking until like 1 in the morning. And I guess that still wasn't enough time; after rehearsing with G-VO last night I went to join Juliann Steph and XF at this karaoke place that I didn't even know existed. It was fun watching them embarass themselves. (YouTube video coming soon... as soon as I get my stupid computer fixed). And they came over afterwards to say hi to Ginger (my dog, not Steph's!). We went to check out the hilltop view for a few minutes - Juliann thought it was anticlimactic, but perhaps her expectations are a bit too high? Anyway, that brings us to today. Jeremy, Ken, Aomi, and I had an awesome dinner at Lucille's, then watched "The Time Traveler's Wife". Definitely a great movie, well worth staying up late for.

Random fact: while I was writing this entry, a spider crawled right by the keyboard on the table and freaked me out. I had nothing to squish it with, so I used scissors and cut its legs off while it was running, until it died. Sorry, I just felt like sharing that. Time for me to shut up and go sleep. Goodnight!

08/11: The moment I found out there is a meteor shower tonight, I knew I was going to spend a lot of time outside before going to sleep. I've already lost count of how many shooting stars I saw, and even though it's almost 2AM and I have work tomorrow, I know something like this is worth staying up late for.

Sitting in the backyard and staring at the sky by myself brought back a lot of memories, namely those from Catalina Island. It was there that I saw my first shooting star - one so big that it literally lit up the whole sky, and all who witnessed it say they have never seen a bigger one - and each time I returned to the island for retreats with Intervarsity, I made sure I spent plenty of time engaging with nature in a way that I can't do at home. I guess I technically can, it's just that it's way too easy to get distracted by everything else there is to do here. Thinking of it now, it's been a very long time since I've gone on a retreat. We all need times when we abandon all worries and distractions and enjoy nature by simply existing as a part of it. I first came to this realization during a solo hike at Catalina. Everywhere I looked, there was beauty beyond anything that human intelligence could have created. It was as if God were painting pictures and giving them to me as gifts. And seeing the beauty of creation made me realize how imperfect I am as a part of the picture. After looking around and absorbing the beauty around me, I closed my eyes and imagined heaven. If creation can amaze me this much, how much more should I be looking forward to meeting the creator! How much more should I be looking forward to heaven, which will be more beautiful than this in every way! One day, when this life story as I know it now comes to an end, I'll enter heaven and, at last, be perfect enough to fit God's beautiful picture.

Suddenly everything else in my life seemed to fade away, and I found myself humbled before God and lost in an attitude of worship. Each time I'm angry or unhappy, I can look up at the sky, and when I do so long enough, peace will come upon me through humility. I don't know too much about science, but I think even if I do, it would only make me marvel at the intricacy of God's work. When I look at the sky, I feel like I'm literally looking at infinity. I like to try to picture the idea of finding the ends of the universe. It's so large that even with the most advanced technology we have today, my whole lifetime would still not be enough to travel the expanse of the universe. In the presense of the maker of something infinitely great, how can I not be humbled? As I watched the shooting stars fly across the sky one by one, I couldn't help but believe that creation's very existence gives God glory and testifies to His greatness. Words cannot describe how great God is, and it amazes me that He would care about me and love me, even though I'm such a small part of the picture. I closed my eyes and pictured heaven, with thousands of angels singing praises to God. That's the perfect picture I was created for. One day I will have no more sin and no more worries, just forever to spend with the great creator Himself. What more can I possibly want?

For now, I must continue living a life of faith, knowing that this great creator not only made me in His image, but also constantly watches over me and guides me. And when I'm down, I can always look up at the sky and arrive once again at the conclusion that God truly does love me. The stars show me God's beauty, power, and love and leaves me with no choice but to fall on my knees and worship. And I have no doubt that heaven will be every bit more beautiful than this, in a way I cannot even imagine. Thank You, God, for the beautiful pictures You painted all around me. I pray that I will live every moment of my life with the knowledge that one day I will step into heaven and join the angels in worshipping You in perfect and eternal love and joy.

08/09: Here's the info on the concert I've been rehearsing so much for -

"HEALING SRI LANKA: A THEATRIC CONCERT EXPERIENCE"
Featuring rapper G-VO (Rajeev Nandakumaran). Album Release concert for G-VO's latest album, "zer0 & 1ne". All proceeds go to the International Medical Health Organization to help victims of the ethnic wars in Sri Lanka.

Date: Saturday, August 22, doors open at 6PM
Location: The Ambassador Auditorium (131 S. Saint John Ave / Pasadena, CA 91123)
Tickets: $10 General Admission / $25 VIP
From what I know, VIP tickets may have assigned seating and regular tickets are free seating. You can either purchase tickets through the John Baptist Records website (see below) or give me the money to get tickets directly from the rapper himself, since we'll be rehearsing a lot in these next few weeks.

For more information, visit www.johnbaptistrecords.com or www.theimho.org.

08/08: Working on my computer throughout this past week hasn't been easy, and the paths I must take to take care of the problems are much more difficult than I had expected. Then again, that really shouldn't be surprising to me, knowing my long history with situations like this. At least things are within my control for the most part. The flood will come soon, and nothing can stop that. But I'm already building my ark and choosing the survivors. There's no eternal promise involved (unfortunately), but at least I can still dream. And if it hasn't been for the ability to dream all these years, I would have given up and surrendered to fate a long time ago. Many experiences have been gained and many lessons have been learned, and whatever this latest battle has in store for me, I know that in the end I will find peace, even if it's temporary. As soon as I find the answers to a few more questions and spend a little more time cleaning up some details, the floodgates will be opened, and all I can do is hope for the best.

08/02: I can't believe it's August already. It's funny how my life often fluctuates from having nothing to do all day and always wanting to go out and have fun to being busy from morning until night for several weeks straight. And during those busier periods of time, it's easy to forget all the things that once occupied most of my mind. As of a few days ago, I finished transcribing and learning all gazillion songs for the G-VO concert, and also completed the recording project I've been working on. Suddenly I found myself sitting at my desk with nothing to occupy my time. And I realized then that there were many things in my life that I have simply gotten used to neglecting, even though I know I must face them sooner or later.

Among them is a battle that I see as none other than a fight against fate itself. Having been so discouraged from years of fighting, I somehow convinced myself a few months ago that it was best to just hide and not face the truth, in fear of another humiliating defeat. And there are many things I want to do now that I'm not able to do until this battle is fought. And as those things piled up in the past few months, they slowly stirred in me a desire to take action. Right now that desire is so strong that I'm more concerned with simply getting the fight over with than winning the victory. After all, I've always been on the losing side, and there's no reason to convince myself that this time will be any different. But at least I can try. And I know I definitely must. With the free time I have now, I will make it a goal to let this unfinished story start to progress once again. I know that I am fighting a battle in which the odds are against me, and I am prepared for whatever fate has in store for me. If I succeed, then may I remain humble and praise God for granting me the success. If my heart breaks, then may I find strengh to rise from the fall and get back on my feet again, and may I remain calm and not respond in ways that I will look back at and regret. I'm sick and tired of this stagnancy, and I know it's time for things to change. Come what may, let God's will be done.

08/01: I'm extremely tired, but I hate napping in hot weather, and it's a waste to turn on the A/C for the whole house just for me. So I guess I'll force myself to stay awake until I get home at night after PACT. I've definitely been short on sleep (see previous entry), and on top of that I'm a bit sunburned from running around in the sun for 5 hours. Thank God there was a Jack-in-the-Box right across the street, where Joseph, Rushi, and I enjoyed an incredibly satisfying lunch (especially with the refillable sodas) as a break from the heat. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, today was the grand opening party for Premier Protective Films' new shop in Orange. And since Premier is so well-known among exotic car owners, it's no surprise that the event attracted many nice rides. I guess the only disappointment is that a lot of cars that signed up didn't show up, including several Gallardos, an LP640, and Aston Martin, a Ferrari F40, and a 16M Scuderia Spider. But the mighty Enzo was there, and there were plenty of nice surprises to keep things fresh and exciting. Of course, an entry like this is useless without pictures, so here they are...

07/31: I'm really an idiot. I always complain that I sleep too late at night and feel too tired, and when we went to celebrate Jeremy's birthday at Yardhouse on Wednesday after worship practice, I made it a goal to not stay out too late, since we all had work the next morning and needed to rest well. Being the Einstein that I am, I decided to let myself enjoy a Jagerbomb at about midnight. It was great, until I was about to go to sleep past 1AM and found myself sitting on my bed looking like (O.O). That's when I suddenly realized Jagerbombs are made with half a can of Red Bull. I usually don't even let myself drink boba at night, since I won't be able to fall asleep. But Red Bull!?!? At that realization, I gave up on the idea of sleep and went to practice rap music until a few hours later. I definitely got a lot done (and it seems like the Red Bull made me work even more efficiently than I normally could), but needless to say, I got very very little sleep that night, and I still feel it right now. Note to self - thou shalt not down Red Bull at midnight if thou art planning on sleeping.

WIth that rant out of the way, I'm glad to say that I managed to get all the G-VO songs ready by yesterday's rehearsal, and I know we're gonna sound great with more practice. Before practice I met up with Jeff(Yen) at Tasty Garden for dinner and it was great spending time catching up (and talking about cars... haha). Best of luck to him at Georgia Tech... hopefully we'll have more chances to hang out next time he comes back. It's Friday night, and tomorrow is going to be a very very exciting day. I'll save the details until then, but for those who are interested in seeing an Enzo and a few dozen other exotics in Orange (less than 20 minutes from here), go to Ferrarichat and look up the details. For now, I'll shut up and go charge up my camera. Ken and Aomi are gonna come over to hang out later, and after that and a desperately needed good night's sleep, it will be time for another exciting day!

07/27: A nice little break from an extremely busy schedule. I guess I only feel so busy because I'm usually out, either having fun or doing work, and when I'm at home there's always plenty of work to keep me busy. Went on an impromptu car-spotting trip with Rushi on Saturday in Rowland Heights. That balcony spot outside Yogurtland is such a nice place to sit and talk and shoot at the same time. After church yesterday I went with Ken Juliann and Joan to Red Ant Cafe - after last week's amazing after-church lunch, we decided we craved it enough to justify going there for the second week in a row. Afterwards I went to hang out with Linda and her church friends at Class 302. We randomly ran into each other at Harvest LA's Art Night a month ago and decided to meet up and catch up, since it's literally been over six years since we last talked. (And she forgot we went to the same high school! Haha...). It was fun eating shaved ice ("snow?") and randomly walking around 99 Ranch Market with very little experience in grocery shopping. Hopefully we'll get to hang out again sometime. Today I got to hang out with Chan-Mi again after our weekly hangouts spontaneously vanished several months ago. I met with her and Gino at Starbucks and we sat and chilled until we had to leave. Gino's a car freak too, so we had plenty to talk about. Aomi came over earlier to continue "sewing lessons". When she had to leave, she left me with a threaded needle to finish off the last bit of my beautiful work of art. About 10 minutes after she left, the needle ended up like this-

07/24: Friday night, a great time to relax after an incredibly busy week. Praise God for opening new doors for me in music. I'm currently recording (and semi-arranging) an album for a Taiwanese pastor, so I've been spending a lot of time at Uncle Samuel's studio being creative while learning how to use all the machines. Also, Rajeev (G-VO) is having a concert about a month from now, and I've been invited to be a part of his band. As far as I remember, this is my first time performing a full concert outside ClayMusic and worship groups. And it's definitely my first time playing in a hip-hop/rap concert. (Doing random Kanye songs at BCF doesn't count, haha). Last night was our first rehearsal, basically just getting to meet each other and running through the songs briefly. This is gonna be great. I'll write more details about the event when the time comes closer.

Transcribing a gazillion songs takes quite a bit of time, plus my regular work schedule and studio time, plus hanging out with friends, and that explains why I've been more or less sleep-deprived all week. The UCLA trip was awesome as usual, probably one of the busiest ever, since it's only a single day. Got to UCLA at 8AM (!!) to meet with Michelle(Panh). We walked to the park south of Wilshire and talked in the playground for a couple hours. After she had to leave, I went to Beverly Hills for some car-shooting. Then went back to UCLA to visit Christine(Shen) & her music group to practice a song - in Chinese! Haha... apparently my ability to pronounce Chinese and sing at the same time is a lot worse than I thought. Went to visit Sophia next - we walked to It's A Grind and got coffee and talked... it's amazing how fast time flies during good conversations. There were so many times throughout the day that I totally lost track of time. I hopped on the Big Blue Bus just in time to go to Santa Monica to meet with Johnny. I joined him, Candace, and Eugene for an awesome dinner at K-town. Then got back to UCLA to rejoin Christine & gang to finish up the song. By then, it was already time for me to go home to sleep.

As for the days that came after that, I guess I have to admit my friends love to go out and have fun. And there's nothing wrong with that, as long as we have time, especially now that it's summer. After church on Sunday a bunch of us had lunch at Red Ant Cafe, then some of us went to chill at Yogurtland. On Monday night Aomi came over to teach me some of her artistic skill (I know how to sew now! Haha....). On Tuesday I went with Ken Aomi and Jeremy to chill at Chili's... get it? Haha... that was lame. It's already past my bedtime. But it's okay, tomorrow is Saturday and I don't have to wake up early. Wednesday night was worship practice, and after that we went to hang out at, where else?, Boston Cafe. Last night was Rajeev's rehearsal, and tonight was Andrea Hamilton's concert in Downtown Brea, which I just came back from. Fun times... looking back now, it's been an extremely busy week, but it was a good healthy balance of hard work and having fun. Now all I need is to get some good sleep!

07/19: God brings love and peace to His people, and God gives us music, which can open up our hearts and help us connect with things that word cannot describe. When we use music to give Him glory, something truly amazing happens. This morning was the second time the Dream & Imagine worship team led worship for Sunday service, and I'm very glad to say that we have shown great improvement in many different ways. The more I think about it, the more I realize I really, really love this group. We not only possess different gifts from God in music and leadership, but we truly repesent an incredible amount of diversity. The majority of cell groups at GCCI is represented in our team, with an age range from junior high to post-college. We also represent various ethnicities, which enhances our ability to explore musical styles not typically associated with our Sunday services. Each of us lives a unique life and went through different experiences, even just in this past week alone. Having participated in many worship teams, it doesn't surprise me when spiritual warfare takes place prior to an opportunity to give God glory. That just reinforces that fact that there is really a spiritual realm, and that we live to worship a God who is bigger than any hardships we may face. In the short ten minutes we spent praying in small groups prior to practicing, many tears were shed and many emotions were released. Some of us faced incredible amounts of pain, and by sharing honestly and praying for one another, we became united in spirit and in truth. It was with that unity in mind that we stepped on stage to rehearse our songs. And when the music began, the spirit of healing filled the room. We laid our worries and problems before God and He comforted us. Regardless of whether our weeks were smooth or rough, we came together through our love for God, for music, and for one another, and gave God glory through music. When I found myself at the brink of tears during our first song, I knew God was with us. And that was only during practice, which was (and should be) no less glorifying to God than when we are actually leading. When Sunday service began, we knew it was going to be an amazing morning.

We sounded great today, but the greatest thing is that God worked in us and through us. Good music can touch people's hearts, but to be used by the God of the universe is beyond what any musician can accomplish alone. We are so blessed to have the privelege of worshipping a holy God despite our imperfections. We are so blessed to know a God who understands everything we are going through and is actively involved in our loves. We are so blessed to have found this wonderful community of worshippers that not only makes good music, but loves each other as God loves us. As much as I love performing, some of my most memorable moments on stage are those during which I was so engaged in worshipping God that I forgot I was actually on stage. And that's what happened today. Another three weeks has gone by, during which we prayed with one another and practiced very hard. In these three weeks many of us have gone through a lot, and even at this moment are still going through big struggles. But in the end, we lay everything before God and worship Him, because that's what He made us for. God is good, and His love endures forever.

07/16: Final decision - the UCLA trip will be this Saturday from morning until night (exact time of arrival/departure depends on how many plans I make). I originally planned to come Friday night and spend the night, but since it seems like I'll get to visit everyone on Saturday, it's better to keep things simple, and also to give myself better sleep. Not that I'll be able to fall asleep anyway, since I tend to get so excited about these visits that I can't sleep at night. Anyways, if you're around UCLA and haven't heard from me this week, then let me know, cuz I probably don't know you're there! So far, it looks like it's gonna be another great trip.

On a totally unrelated note, special thanks to Rushi for informing me of this incredible sighting in Brea/La Habra this afternoon-

07/12: Very fun and busy day. The church picnic was pretty awesome, other than the fact that it was ridiculously hot. That's why Ken, Aomi, Joan, Jary, Marina, and I decided to go to Yogurtland afterwards. By the time we left it was already 4-ish, and we figured since we stayed out so long, might as well enjoy the rest of the evening together. So we got stinky tofu at HK Plaza for dinner. (Marina was the only one who didn't appreciate the smell, but one day we're gonna change that =) ). It's time to get ready for another week of work in the morning and trying to be productive for the rest of the day. Maybe going out to eat after Wednesday's practice will spice things up a little. And I'm definitley looking forward to the Dream & Imagine committee dinner on Thursday. Yes, apparently I'm part of the committee now, even though I have yet to figure out a good title for myself. One last thing - yes, I'm going to UCLA this weekend. It's pretty pointless for me to post it here since only a few people are around in the summer and I already have a list of everyone who told me they'll be around. (Expect a call from me this week =) ). The dates will be either Friday-Saturday or Saturday only. We'll see...

07/11: The Epic Adventures of Las Tres Vacas

07/09: What was the randomest birthday present you ever received? For me, it's these two little guys-

07/07: I remember spending last Christmas in China and seeing department stores filled with stuffed oxen toys. The Year of the Ox was about to begin, and a friend in China who was with me bought me one of those toys, knowing I was born in the Year of the Ox. I had never really treated the Chinese zodiac as anything more than an interesting legend and a part of my cultural heritage. But at that moment I realized the twelve-year cycle of the Chinese zodiac was about to complete its second round in my life, and it's a special occurrence that only takes place once every dozen years. That also meant that soon I would be turning 24.

I consider birthdays a very personal experience, and that's why I never really make a big deal out of it. In fact, there were people I got to hang out with on my birthday this year who didn't even know it was my birthday, and I'm perfectly fine with that. If people remember, then it's an opportunity for them to show that they think of me. If they don't, I don't blame them, since it was my choice to distance myself so far from today's typical American youth lifestyle and make it more difficult for them to remember. The reason I choose this narrow road is that the joy I receive, though from a smaller quantity of people, is one that cannot be experienced by any other means. And this year I was definitely amazed by the number of presents sitting in my room and the amount of partying and celebrating that took place. Those things don't define a birthday for me, but they definitely add excitement to an already wonderful point in my life. At the end of each birthday, it's not the gifts and parties that inspire and motivate me as I enter a new year of my life, but the joy of knowing how blessed I am to be surrounded by so many friends and family members who think of me and make an effort to let me know they do.

One of my favorite things about having my birthday in the middle of the year is that it serves as a great checkpoint to my New Year's reflections. In the same way I look back at every calendar year and think about all the things God had done in my life, I look back on every birthday to see how my life has changed in the past year. Many people say that after turning 21, life becomes much less exciting, especially after entering the working world. I agree, but only to the extent that the naturally busy schedule of post-college life makes it more difficult to maintain excitement. Ultimately, the decision is my own, and from the moment that I completed my college years, some of the most exciting and passionate years in my life, I have been determined to keep that attitude no matter where my life takes me.

The Year of the Ox is, to me, an opportunity to look back at a part of my life that I had naturally neglected for several years - my childhood years in Taiwan. If I had to choose only one thing that made my 23rd year different from any other year, it would be that God ignited a passion in me for my birthplace. Just days after I turned 23, I joined a team of church friends on a mission trip to Taiwan. It was my first time returning to Taiwan in over 15 years, and during those four weeks I not only served people as a missionary, but also was reunited with many relatives that I had not seen since childhood. I also met several friends who opened my eyes to the culture of Taiwan's youth - the very culture I would be a part of now had my family not moved to America. An evangelical concert tour with ClayMusic to China in December and another one to Taiwan in spring reinforced my young love for the culture I was born into. I remember the months following my first return to Taiwan last summer, when I would often find myself frantically flipping through my mom's old Chinese dictionary just to write a short email to the friends I met there. I had always believed that if God allowed friendships to form, then He would bless those friendships if I made the effort to keep them. Through months of slowly learning to type in Chinese to write emails and send IM's across the International Date Line, I have improved in ways I never thought would be possible. When I returned to Taiwan in the spring, I arranged to meet with several of my friends there, and also visited all my relatives again, and the time I spent with them assured me that my birthplace, which I had disregarded in elementary school for the sake of conforming to American society and left abandoned for years, now has a permanent place in my heart.

Speaking of passion, one of the things that bothered me the most about this past year is the lack of progress I made regarding the passion for music that God showed me so clearly in college. Sure, I went on a couple tours and played at many concerts. But in terms of figuring out the role of music in my life, I am still greatly puzzled. This also ties into my current job as an academic tutor, which provides for me financially but simply does not ignite the fire of excitement in my heart that tells me I'm in the right place. I have no question that my tutoring job is clearly an answered prayer, and I am very thankful that God gave me this opportunity to earn money while gaining experience through working with different types of people. But a part of me can't help but wonder when He will call me to turn my focus back to music, which He clearly called me to study when I was in college. Without professors setting deadlines for projects or financial motivations, it's extremely difficult to push myself to create works as large as those I wrote in college. One thing that has motivated me musically in this past year, though, is worship. Through the tours I played in, and through working with Dream & Imagine, God has taught me a lot about the meaning of worship, both musically and spiritually. And He has opened doors for me to not only perform at evangelical events, but also be a leader in a recently formed worship team in our church. During the last trip to Taiwan, I even had an opportunity to be a teacher in a seminar for worship leaders. Each one of these activities has been a chance not only for me to serve others, but also to grow and mature through experience. I don't know what God wants me to do with my degree in music at this point, and am still eagerly seeking His will. But one thing I know for sure is that I am called to be more than just a musician, but a worshipper who uses the gifts God has given me for His glory.

This past year of my life may not have been as event-filled on a day-to-day basis like my life was when I was in college, and upon entering the working world, it's definitely become a lot harder to continue inspiring myself to live a life of excitement. But that's what moments like this are for. It's simply impossible for me to look back at this past year and say that God hasn't blessed me immensely. I remember four amazing weeks spent in Taiwan that changed my life. I remember receiving numerous phone calls asking me to tutor students when the schoolyear began, providing me with much more income than I thought was possible with such a job. I remember a series of wildfires that nearly destroyed my home and the homes of many people I know, which was, by the grace of God, controlled shortly before it became significantly more disastrous. I remember getting my first speeding ticket, which opened up my eyes to many realities I was previously unaware of. I remember sacrificing winter retreat and Christmas at home to join ClayMusic's China tour and experience Christmas through worshipping God and proclaiming His greatness with music. I remember kicking off 2009 with an overwhelming number of students that left me both happy at God's kindness to me financially and wishing for a break. I remember praying desperately for God to allow me to join ClayMusic's Taiwan tour in the spring, and eventually becoming overjoyed when He said yes, opening the doors for me to not only reunite with my friends and relatives there once again, but also to perform music and give God glory through it. I remember nine incredible visits to UCLA to see the friends I no longer get to see on a regular basis and make the most out of the time I get to spend with them. I remember joining the Dream & Imagine worship team, which became an ongoing journey that teaches all of us to worship God through prayer, music, and teamwork. I remember struggling with the many sins in my life, some that hurt me personally and others that hurt the people around me, and trusting in God as I continue fighting to live a life that is pleasing to God. I remember spending time praying with my family on a weekly basis, strengthening our relationship and reminding us of God's greatness in our lives. I remember all the wonderful times I got to spend with my friends, whether through a simple phone conversation or through spending a whole day together. I remember attending a party a few weeks ago and being surprised when a cake was brought out to celebrate all the June and July birthdays, reminding me that it was almost time for me to move on to a new year of my life. Then suddenly it happened. And looking back at this past year, I have no doubt that it has been another year filled with excitement.

If there's one reason for me to think that my life isn't as exciting as it once was, it would be that God's love and kindness always remains the same. And that's the love I wish to show all the people in my life that I care so much about. I've learned many times this year, and still am learning now, of how to genuinely pursue love, whether in my family, with my friends, or in any other places that love can take me to. Love never fails, and that's why I constantly cling on to my less popular beliefs regarding how to keep in touch with the people God placed in my life. Through each visit to UCLA, I learned not only to initiate opportunities to strengthen friendships, but also to make the most out of every moment I get to see the people I care about. Through spending time with my family talking and praying together regularly, I'm seeing more and more just how amazing it is that God gave me such a loving mother and sister who are always there for me. Through miraculously getting back in touch with several old friends, including a few friends from high school that I hadn't spoken to since then, I found affirmation in the beliefs I held on to for so long and hope in love as an inspiration that never fails. Through a group of friends from very different backgrounds that I recently became very close with, I discovered a new level of intimacy and trust centered on our mutual love for God and for one another. All these things assure me that no matter where the road of life leads me in this new year, God will never leave me, and love will always be my inspiration.

Another year of my life has passed, and each time I take time to think about the past, it gives me strength to continue moving forward. God's faithfulness has never left me, and it never will. The people He has sent to be a part of my life will always be there no matter where I go. My future, my career, and every other aspect of my life has always been, and always will be, in God's control. And there's nothing more reassuring than the knowledge that the author of my life stories is the very God who created me in His image and has a plan for my life according to His perfect will. As I step into this new year of my life, I will continue to live in love and walk by faith, believing that by trusting in God with the many ups and downs in life, this new year will be another year filled with excitement. I don't know what God has in store for me, and I can't wait to find out. I praise God for another incredible year, and pray that He will continue to let His will be done in my life.

07/06: Belated SNU, or um... "MNU"? It's been an extremely busy few days, thanks to my church friends who never seem to get tired of hanging out. I love them soo much, even though I'm definitely spending way more money than I should be considering I'm only working one hour a day. On Sunday we were all exhausted from the previous night's BBQ, but we still decided to go out to lunch at Coconut Bay. At night we went to Jeremy's house to hang out and watch "Seven Pounds" - such a good movie! Today we went to Brea to shop, and had ramen for dinner. The shopping was for a very fun series of events we're going on on Friday. I'll leave the details as a secret, but it's gonna be awesome!

07/04: Happy Fourth of July!! Sorry if this entry doesn't really sound cohesive - there's a pretty good amount of alcohol in my system right now, but I think I'm sober enough to write. It's good to build up a little alcohol tolerance, and there's no better way to do that than to drink responsibly with people I trust. A few of us (who are old enough) stayed after the big party for some drinks, and it was definitely a good way to relax after a night of hard work. Special thanks to Ken, Jeremy, Carol, and everyone who helped with the grill. You guys really worked the life out of yourselves. And of course, special thanks to everyone who helped prepare the food, both last night and earlier today. The party couldn't have happened without you guys. Words cannot describe how much I appreciate everything you guys did. A lot of people thanked me for hosting this party, and I always tell them that it's not my own party, because it couldn't have happened without the help of so many people who made it possible. Even people who were there talking to me while watching me clean the house and the yard made the work much easier for me. (It's past 1:30AM right now and someone across the street is setting off fireworks. What the heck!?). Yes, it took a lot of work from a lot of people to accomplish what we did tonight. And the reason I try to commit to throwing a big party like this every summer is that I really feel like it's such a blessing that I can live in this house with this yard and have so many great friends, and I want to show my appreciation to all of you guys. I'm definitely nowhere near wealthy, and my mom works incredibly hard so we can keep this house, and I really wish everyone who came tonight had a great time. Every year after a party like this, I always feel so blessed, not because I'm the host, but because God has blessed me with so much and surrounded me with so many people who care about me. It always amazes me to see how many people volunteer to help out, whether before, during, or after the party. Last night, those who came to help prepare the food were all amazed to see how quickly the work got done. And even though I tried to take a lot more things into my own hands this year to save others (namely my mom and my sister) the hard work, there is no way the party could have turned out this well without everyone's help. My prayer for tonight was that my heart would be in the right place, and that God would be glorified through our fellowship. And I really believe God answered that prayer. I also have to thank the people who brought stuff to contribute to the party, whether it was food, drinks, or a little donation. It really makes a difference. For those who helped out in any way, thanks for sacrificing your July 4th weekend to serve others, and for those who attended, thanks for being a part of this awesome party. Oh, and if you took pictures, please share them with me! With all that said, happy Independence Day again! Goodnight!

07/03: Lots and lots of partying this week. Yes, for those who didn't know, I'm officially two dozen years old as of Tuesday. Special thanks to everyone who remembered. Juliann was the first to call me (at around 12:05). On Tuesday Carol (on behalf of herself and Mom) took me out for lunch at Red Lobster. Of course, I got the "Ultimate Feast", which basically has all my favorites in one big plate. Juliann and Ken stopped by in the afternoon to visit and hang out. At night, we had a big family dinner at Souplantation to celebrate. Afterwards, everyone came over for cake & presents. I got a pretty unique gift, which I'll write about some other time. Ask me if you want to know =). Grace stopped by at night for a surprise present too. Of course, I don't want all the attention to be on me, so I decided to let my birthday end with something completely irrelevant to it. Karin and Jeff happened to be hanging out in Rowland Heights and called me to join them, so when all the celebrating at home was over, I went to meet them at Luxy 101 for some drinks. The birthday celebration continued on Wednesday after an incredible rehearsal with the Dream & Imagine worship team. Location- Yardhouse in Brea, our favorite special-occasion hangout spot. The gang- Ken Jeremy Marcus Aomi Jary Joseph Vanessa Juliann and me. We took advantage of the happy-hour appetizers. And the drinks were good too =).

The only downside to all that partying was that I still had to work the next morning. I gave myself permission to spend most of the afternoon catching up on sleep, but most of that energy was spent preparing for the July 4th party - everything from cleaning the yard to buying lots and lots of food. I'm not too bright when it comes to grocery shopping, but special thanks to Carol who joined me in the morning and Mom who joined me at night, our refrigerator was basically completely filled up with goodies by the end of the day. After enjoying dinner at Boston Kitchen earlier today, Joan Jary Taryn Aomi Ken Steph(Lin) Jeremy Juliann and Joseph all came over to help with preparing the food, and thanks to their help everything was done in an amazingly fast two-hour span. Now all we need is a good night's sleep. Tomorrow will be July 4th, time for the big party!