12/30: I find it funny how easy it is to sum up my life in the year 2015. I unexpectedly resumed my former job shortly after resigning and switched between full-time and part-time work based on both my personal needs and the needs of the company. My dog ran away and was miraculously brought back home a month later. I bought a new car. I finally crawled out of my Neanderthal cave and got a Smartphone. I found an apartment in Monrovia and moved out of my mom's house permanently for the first time. I turned three decades old. Oh, and I got married. All those things could probably have been listed in one breath. But to say that 2015 passed by quickly doesn't mean that the things that took place aren't significant. In fact, behind each of those things is a story that captures the many ups and downs that make this year a truly unforgettable one.

Just one day after I officially left the job I've had for over four years at Agape Shipping, a decision made after much prayer and consideration, I was asked to return temporarily to help after some unforeseen issues arose. It served as a perfect reminder to me that, despite my tendency to want control over everything in my life, I need to learn to take a step back and trust in God to take the lead - a lesson that proved crucial throughout the year. My work allowed me to have a relatively stable income while keeping my primary focus on other aspects of my life, including developing my musical gifts, planning for the wedding, preparing for married life, exploring other career directions, and attending my church's small group meetings (which played a crucial role in building and strengthening friendships in my church community).

Just as my job situation didn't turn out as originally planned, even my life at home was full of surprises that caught me off guard. The first, and probably biggest, was Ginger's sudden disappearance, which led to not only emotional distress, but also extremely bitter attitudes toward the way the situation was handled (February 13 entry). My hopeless insanity reached its climax when I totaled my car while on the freeway (February 24 entry). To be honest, things really could have - and should have - been a lot worse, and even though I wouldn't admit it at the time, I'm thankful that God was merciful even when I was rebellious. My family and I learned to love and appreciate each other much more, even with one precious member gone and presumed dead. Little did we know that, over a month after his disappearance, we would stumble upon clues that led to his miraculous return (March 2 entry). About a week later, I bought my first new car thanks to an excellent deal from a friend at church (March 8 entry) - one key event that contributed to my financial independence in preparation for marriage. And as for Ginger, while we can't hide from the fact that he is old and may say goodbye in the near future, we all agree that each new day spent with him is a blessing and a miracle.

The next several months were spent focusing on planning and preparing for the wedding (April 6 entry) . And it was during that time that I really came to see how much of a blessing it was to be able to keep my old job part-time while having the rest of the day to find, contact, and visit vendors. Wedding planning proved to be much more stressful than I had expected, even though I've always loved planning events and gatherings. It taught Tiffany and me a lot about our true personality traits, along with our similarities and differences. It forced us to be brutally honest with each other, which often meant revealing our worst sides when under great pressure (July 16 entry). It also helped me further understand that being successful isn't about only accomplishing what I expect to accomplish, but also working alongside other people, complete with their individual strengths and weaknesses, to let teamwork do what no individual can do alone. Sure, since I tend to me more task-oriented than people-oriented, the need for teamwork led to more frustration than I've ever gone through for a single occasion. But looking back now, Tiffany and I couldn't have asked for a better wedding, and we have no doubt that it couldn't have been nearly as wonderful without all the teamwork that took place (July 22 entry).

One of the many challenges of preparing for married life (aside from the wedding itself) was finding a place to live. Tiffany and I had agreed on starting with a simple apartment to save up money, and we spent many hours researching and visiting potential places. It was a new experience for both of us, and in the end we not only learned a lot about the many considerations and needs of independent living, but also signed the contract on an apartment in Monrovia that was better than we had expected in just about every way (May 22 entry). A little over a month before the wedding, I first moved out of Mom's house to live in the apartment once it was furnished enough to be inhabitable (June 9 entry). Even though it made my daily commute to/from work much longer, it gave me a glimpse of the precious experience of living independently, which would soon play a crucial role in married life.

One major similarity in all the things listed above is the need for good communication. Around the same time I moved into the apartment, I decided to make my communication needs much easier by finally getting a Smartphone, thanks to a good deal for joining Tiffany's existing plan. When it came to something as big as planning a wedding, easier communication helped me save lots of precious time. For the most part, I still consider a Smartphone more of a luxury item than a necessity, but if I had to name one way it truly and directly changed my life, it would be Instagram. I was never a big fan of social networking and still have many legitimate personal reasons to not use other popular networking services. But Instagram, which I first began playing with occasionally on Mom's iPad and now use daily from my iPhone, proved to be both personal enough and informative enough for Exotic Affinity - one area of my life that I've always allowed social networking to access. In February, I, along with two other guys, were unexpectedly given the honor of assisting with moving an incredibly rare and expensive classic race car which had a dead battery (February 16 entry). It was with the help of those two new friends and a few others I had known previously on YouTube that my Instagram page was launched, helping me not only meet friends in the car community, but also get insider information on events that I wouldn't have known about otherwise. Even though I've been actively involved in exotic car spotting for about a decade, this year, for the first time, my hobby is just as much about friendships as it is about personal interest. And while these friends represent very diverse spectrums of age, ethnicity, and social class, it's been a great blessing to grow together in our various life stages, and I look forward to further strengthening our friendships in the near future.

Now back to married life. I've heard some people say that the first few months of marriage are the easiest because we're in our "honeymoon phase", and I've also heard some people say that those months are the hardest because there's so much to get used to about each other. There's definitely a lot of truth in both ideas, and one thing Tiffany and I know for sure is that our many differences, which have unsurprisingly led to many disagreements, have played a crucial role in helping us grow through learning how to love each other in marriage. We enjoyed our mini-moon vacation on Dana Point (August 25 entry) once things in the apartment were mostly settled down, and we continue our tradition of having weekly date nights and taking monthly anniversary pictures. We've learned - and continue to learn - the importance of both letting each other be ourselves and stepping out of our comfort zones for each other's sake. Our families and friends continue to be greatly supportive of our marriage, reminding us often of just how blessed we are.

There's always a struggle between the blessings of life and the frustrations of life. And that's why times like this serve as a perfect opportunity to focus on the blessings, see the big picture, and renew my hope and faith for the future. Each year consists of a unique set of adventures that answers some questions, leaves others unanswered, and brings forth some new questions. It's amazing to think that at this time last year, Tiffany and I had very little idea about what our wedding day would look like and didn't even know where we would be living after getting married. Even now that our marriage is off to a good start, there are still lots of uncertainties, largely revolving around my future career direction. Are the job opportunities I have been pursuing going to eventually lead to fruition? How will God continue to help me develop my gifts in music? What ministries will He call Tiffany and me to serve in? How will our relationships with our family members and friends evolve? What new surprises and challenges does married life have in store for us?

Only time will lead us to the answers. And it's easy to get so caught up in worrying about the unknown that I lose sight of what I do know - we are blessed, not only to have all that we have in this world, but also to know that we can put our faith in our sovereign God, who we can trust to lead our lives. In June, my 30th birthday slipped by rather quietly since just about all my energy at the time was spent on wedding preparations. The fact that I'm now three decades old, not to mention married, often makes the gap between where I am now and where I think I need to be even more frightening. But to God, there are no surprises, and nothing is too difficult. 2015 has been a year full of new beginnings, and I'm sure there is still so much more to come. Each year is a new adventure filled with blessings, and I know 2016 will be no exception. I hope and pray that our faith will be stronger than our fears, and that we will continue trusting in our God to lead us one day at a time according to His will.

12/15: For many years, I had resolved to finish all my gift shopping well ahead of Christmas and ended up failing miserably. And as if the pressure of last-minute shopping weren't enough, it was always frustrating to see my joy slowly get squashed through the course of wasting hours sitting in traffic, looking for parking, standing in long lines, and fighting through huge crowds of people. This year, I'm glad to say that I've finally met my goal for the first time. Ten days before Christmas, all of my shopping is done, and I can stay away from any mall or big shopping center until the holiday rush dies down. It definitely helped that because of my current work schedule, I was able to do most of my shopping in the morning. It also helped that being married gives me more motivation to be disciplined and not procrastinate.

This is the first time Tiffany and I get to celebrate Christmas together as a married couple. We've already adorned our apartment living room with a tree and some poinsettia. We've set up a Pandora station for our favorite Christmas songs and listen to it almost every night during dinner. And I'm glad that, despite our many personality differences, we're more or less in agreement when it comes to how to celebrate the holiday season. Or maybe she's just being very supportive of me, knowing how anxious I am about my current job situation and how hard I try to not let the emotional coldness of the holidays get the best of me.

A few weeks ago when I was very sick with an upset stomach, I looked at some otherwise mouthwatering bacon strips and wanted to throw up. This might sound a little crazy, but that's sometimes how I feel about all the lavish giving and receiving of Christmas. Maybe the realities of adulthood made me grow up a little too quickly. But last week when I went to a party and saw the humongous pile of gifts to be used for our gift exchange game, I literally felt a little sick inside. It's not that gifts are bad, but rather that our materialistic society has blown things so out of proportion that, in the end, the only real winner is the economy. The big problem isn't the gifts, the money, the people, or the holiday traditions, but rather that the gap between the way we first-world citizens celebrate Christmas and the reason Christmas even exists is frighteningly big, and with each year it's only getting bigger.

It really doesn't take a Ph.D. to see the all irony. And knowing the truth about Christmas only makes it more frustrating to see it, not to mention be part of it. Yes, it's fun to throw parties, sing carols, and give/receive gifts; there isn't a single one of those things I don't enjoy. But it's heartbreaking to see people feel obliged to spend so much money on superficial things when they're going through big financial struggles, or when church groups and fellowships that work so hard to raise money for charity or ministry suddenly start urging members to spend more for gift exchanges than they've been willing to donate in months. The truth is that no matter how much you give, you can always find ways to be more generous, and no matter how much you receive, you will eventually find yourself wanting more. It's just how us imperfect humans are, regardless of religion or social class. And sometimes, the only way to bring our focus back to the right place is to step out of the storm and think about why Christmas actually exists and how we can make it both festive and meaningful.

Moving out to an apartment this year has left me amazed that, even though I still have probably thousands of dollars worth of material possessions accumulated over the years that are collecting dust at my mom's house, I've managed to enjoy life every bit as much without them. I've come to understand better than ever before that living a simple life and focusing on what matters most can be so much more fulfilling than letting my mind and heart be consumed by material things. When it comes to Christmas gifts, I can honestly say that if it's not something I need or at least want, I'd rather not have it take up space both in the apartment and in my heart. And when it comes to giving, I'd much rather skip out on shopping to fulfill obligation or tradition and spend that money on a meaningful gift to someone who needs it or will truly appreciate it.

That leads me to my main point in writing all this - I believe that appreciation is really the key to understanding what Christmas is all about. While I believe that Christmas is essentially a Christian holiday, one non-religious tradition I've come to embrace more and more is the whole idea of the "holiday season", which begins around Thanksgiving. I'm not sure how the exact dates for Thanksgiving and Christmas came to be, but the order in which the holidays take place remind us of a crucial fact - you can't have Christmas without Thanksgiving first.

Whether we have a lot or a little, there's always something worth being thankful for, as long as we're willing to be honest with ourselves. And it is by being thankful that we discover joy without the need to compare or compete with anyone else. The birth of Jesus resulted in eternal hope for all who believe, regardless of what we have or don't have on earth. In fact, those who have the least in this world may be the ones who find the greatest joy in the truth about Christmas, with an undistracted focus on the greatest gift there is to be thankful for. Even if everything in this world fails to satisfy, and even if we've made so many mistakes that we find it hard to forgive ourselves, our hope in Jesus is secure and lasts forever, as long as we put our faith in Him. And that hope only exists because of Christmas - the true meaning of Christmas.

With that in mind, celebrating a first-world Christmas can be both a distraction and a blessing. The difference is whether or not we choose to have a heart of thanksgiving. When we're thankful, it's easy to see that we're blessed to be able to celebrate as we do. All of the giving, receiving, and partying, when done in reasonable doses, serve as reminders that we are blessed to be able to live as we do and use what we have to bless others. The fact that so many people celebrate Christmas aimlessly can even lead to opportunities to share God's love. So I hope and pray that as we prepare for all of the end-of-the-year holiday festivities we will soon enjoy, we can always remember to be thankful, both for what we've been blessed with in this world and for the priceless gift that God sent to us on the very first Christmas.

12/02: Tiffany and I had looked forward to Thanksgiving for a long time, knowing we would be partaking in some epic feasting. We ended up having three parties, first with the Tan family (at the Country Club - if you were at the wedding banquet, you know how good the food is!), then with the Chang family, and lastly with our church family. Then on Friday night, Tiffany suddenly began feeling very sick. We're pretty sure it had nothing to do with the food we ate, since everybody else seemed to be fine. We both have enough seasonal allergies that it's often hard to distinguish actual sickness from allergic reactions. But this time there was no doubt something was wrong, and Tiffany had to spend pretty much the whole weekend at home resting.

Being the self-proclaimed "good husband", I did my best to put aside my usual set of priorities and give extra focus to taking care of her. Rather than trying to do everything economically or efficiently, the most important thing was simply for her to get better. Yes, it's easy and natural for me to want to care for someone I love, and I didn't think of it as a burden at all. But it wasn't until we came before God together in prayer that I realized that in marriage, caring for her is much more than just something I do because it feels right.

"I promise to always cherish you, serve you, trust you, protect you, honor you, and be faithful to you from this day forward... in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live." I said those words to her before God and the 250 or so guests who witnessed our wedding ceremony. But even with the countless pieces of precious advice that have helped prepare us for marriage, it's hard to know what it means to love someone in sickness and in health until they've been both healthy and sick. Through this experience, I was given a deeper glimpse of the weight of a marriage vow. And it was both challenging and encouraging to know that my need to serve and take care of Tiffany is not simply out of personal desire, but also out of obedience and worship to our God. And we're both thankful that by Sunday afternoon, she was pretty much back in full health.

Then on Sunday night, I suddenly got sick. It really seemed to come out of nowhere, but because my symptoms were exactly as Tiffany had described a couple nights ago, I had no doubt what was happening. I guess that's one of the less-than-pleasant perks of married life - sleeping in the same room means that when one person is sick, there's a good chance the other will get sick too. We've agreed prior to marriage that unless something of utmost importance must take priority, we'd rather not quarantine ourselves (or each other) to the couch. And looking back now, I have to admit there's nothing like waking up while sick and knowing that there's somebody right next to me who cares so much for me.

Tiffany got up extra early to surprise me with breakfast, only to have me ask her to put it away because the smell of food made me want to vomit. She served me hot water as I sat helplessly on the couch with a headache. She took care of pretty much all the household chores and drove us to BSF at night when she found out I was feeling strong enough to attend.

I'm glad that since yesterday evening, I've been feeling perfectly fine. And I'm very glad that while Tiffany was starting to feel a little sniffly again last night, it turned out to just be a reaction to the extremely cold weather. Looking back now, we're both thankful that we weren't sick at the same time, so we had full strength to help each other. And we can't help but see God's blessing in allowing both of us to experience being on both the giving end and the receiving end.

For the most part, I think Tiffany and I have done a pretty good job of showing our appreciation for each other as a married couple. (We've had some very rough patches as well, but hey, nobody's perfect, right? And accepting each other's mistakes and forgiving each other is a huge part of the growing process.) But through these past few days, we've learned to appreciate each other, and our marriage as a whole, much more deeply. Of course, we hope and pray that any sickness that may remain in either of us will be completely healed and not passed on to each other or to anyone else around us. But we've learned that regardless of our circumstance, there's always something worth being thankful for. What a great way to enter into the holiday season!

11/24: It's amazing how quickly this year has gone by. Over this past year, I've learned a very disappointing but very important lesson - I'm not as strong as I often think I am or wish I am. So many times I've resolved to do my best and put my faith in my ability to remain disciplined, only to be surprised at how hard I fell. Yes, God always helps me get back on my feet. But I've come to see that if I begin to see Him as more than just someone who waits to catch me when I fall, then maybe I'll stop falling so often.

A part of me has always believed that with enough will power, I can accomplish incredibly big things that are within the scope of my abilities and experiences. After all, we often hear stories of people who found success after many failed attempts at the same goal or after countless hours of practice and training. But the problem is that I don't have a very clear goal or source of motivation to keep me on my feet. Materialism and peer pressure don't affect me as much as they typically affect those around me. Knowing that God has a purpose behind every breath He gives me often leaves me feeling like I should be doing more even though I don't even know what it is I should be doing. Making detailed plans for productivity helps, but over time I still let my heart and mind wander away, allowing precious minutes, hours, days, and weeks to pass by aimlessly. I find myself scrambling for motivation all over the place, whether it's from dreams of doing big things or frustration of having failed so many times. In the end, I'm still wandering aimlessly, and now it's more clear than ever that trusting in my own will is not going to get me anywhere.

Thankfully, it's in my times of greatest weakness that God's strength is made most evident. The realization that my own strength is inadequate makes me more receptive to His Word, and that's why recently there have been several points from Sunday sermons and BSF lectures that I found particularly applicable. These things have played a crucial role in shaping my view of God and my attitude when I pray.

First, God gives everyone talents, and it's our responsibility to invest them wisely, regardless of how little or how much we've been given. The truth is that we all have more "talents" than we often realize. For me, they include my gifts in music, my free time every morning, the money in my bank account, and the people God placed in my life. I'm sure if I think about it more, the list will only increase. It's important for me to set goals to work toward, but in the end, I should think of every opportunity as a God-given talent to be invested wisely.

Second, people who want to reach their God-given potential need to be receptive to challenges at levels that reflect both their talents and their potential. I tend to be the kind of person who responds negatively to most challenges. I've grown up seeing too many people who either challenged themselves to a point of dangerously unhealthy lifestyles or were greatly taken advantage of by those who lacked wisdom in delegating responsibilities. But while those experiences have undoubtedly impacted me, they are not an excuse for me to remain a coward. Rather than praying for God to show me exactly what to do so I can do it without ever confronting my fears of failure or rejection, I should pray courageously and faithfully that He will give me challenges that allow me to wisely invest and multiply the talents He has given me.

Lastly, God is worthy of praise and worship, no matter what my circumstances are. He is the same God who sits in heaven on His mighty throne, surrounded by His creation's worship, not only in the future when I meet Him face to face, but also right now as I live my daily life on earth. It's not wrong to express to Him my desire for specific circumstances, but if that's all I pray for, then I'm limiting my willingness to let Him demonstrate His sovereign power in my life. I will pray now that rather than making everything go exactly as I want them to, He will simply make His presence and work in my life evident.

I may not be able to trust my own abilities, but I can trust that God will accomplish things through me. Otherwise, what's the point of me being here? Of course, that doesn't mean I'll never fall again. God promised to make our paths straight when we trust Him, but He never said that the straight path won't have any stones on it. Falling is part of growing, but growing means doing my best to not fall, especially when it's over the exact same stones. I must do my best, but do so by putting my faith in His power rather than my own. He created me, knows the deepest desires of my heart, and has given me many gifts to use for His glory. I surrender to Him. May His will be done.