10/28: Thirty years ago, the world was introduced to "Back to the Future" for the first time. I was a whopping three days old on the day the first movie was released. But at some point in my youth, I was exposed to the time traveling adventure and fell in love with it. Maybe it's because I loved cars and thought the flying DeLorean was cool. Or maybe it's because nature of the storyline makes the trilogy build uniquely on top of itself rather than forward through time like most stories do. Or maybe it's because it captures a clear glimpse of the world I was born into, not only through how it saw its present, but also through how it viewed its past and predicted its future. As my love for cars and appreciation of art matured over the years, I only came to love the films even more.

One thing that has especially fascinated me over the years is that some key scenes in the first movie were filmed in the parking lot of Puente Hills Mall ("Twin Pines Mall" in the story), a place very close to home that I have visited countless times. And I'm definitely not the only one nerdy enough to care; five years ago, some special events were held at the mall in honor of the movie's 25th anniversary. Unfortunately, I didn't find out about the festivities until afterwards. But when it came time for the 30th anniversary celebrations last week, I knew I had to be there.

Whether a 25th anniversary or a 30th anniversary is more important is subject to debate, depending on whether you prefer to count in quarters or dimes. But there's little doubt that when it comes to "Back to the Future", October 2015 calls for a celebration like no other. For those who are as nerdy as me - and yes, there are many of us out there - October 21, 2015 (last Wednesday) was the very day Marty and Doc arrived in the future. And Puente Hills Mall, along with an organization called "We're Going Back", made sure to give fans a memorable welcome to the present-day future.

Given that my office is pretty much walking distance from the mall, I had no excuse not to make my pilgrimage on Wednesday. Earlier this month, a "Twin Pines Mall" sign was erected exactly where it was in the movie (the elevated part of the driveway between Souplantation and T.G.I. Friday's). Down in the parking lot, Doc's white truck sat on display. A DeLorean time machine was also on display inside the mall. Unfortunately, the time machine was already taken away by Wednesday, probably because it had to catch other "Back to the Future" celebrations as well. But the truck, mall sign, and significance of the date were enough to draw a crowd unbelievably big for a Wednesday. Not long after I arrived during lunch time, the group gathered in front of the "Twin Pines Mall" sign was so big that police had to shut down the street entrance and driveway completely to prevent safety hazards. The truck also drew a large crowd. Several fans came dressed up as Doc and Marty, and I also spotted a sports almanac and a hoverboard. Surprisingly, an orderly line formed for photo ops even without anybody enforcing it. I guess most "Back to the Future" fans have a good amount of patience and respect. A couple fellow pilgrims kindly helped take pictures of me with the props.

One major change to Puente Hills Mall in the past 30 years was the addition of a movie theater as one of its anchors. To celebrate the significance of October 21, 2015, the theater held a showing of the whole trilogy, beginning at exactly 4:29PM (the same time Marty and Doc arrived in the future.) If I didn't have to be at work until 5:00, I would have definitely gone. Looking back now, I should have stopped by afterwards to pick up any ticket stubs that may have been left on the ground and sell them on eBay. But at least I returned to the mall parking lot on the way home for another look at the festivities. The crowd had grown significantly, and security guards had fenced off a portion of the actual parking lot as well.

And yes, a few DeLoreans showed up too. They weren't converted into time machines, but it really didn't matter. The DeLorean is one of the most iconic movie cars of all time. Sure, there are plenty of fancy decked-out film cars that are instantly recognizable by most people. But very few cars, even in their stock form, have such a close-knit relationship with a movie. I've seen several stock DeLoreans on the road, and probably over half of them have vanity plates that reference "Back to the Future". The majority of people, even those who don't know or care about cars, will instantly point out the DeLorean as "the 'Back to the Future' car". Sure, it's quite slow for such a sleek-looking vehicle. (My Hyundai can easily beat it in hitting 88 mph.) But it's a relatively affordable exotic, meaning that for many fans, owning their own time machine was actually an attainable dream. It's safe to say that the movie and the car both played crucial roles in each other's success and popularity.

Two DeLoreans were parked next to Doc's truck in the fenced-off portion of the lot, while one more hid in the parking lot among other mall visitors' cars. (I'm sure if I looked harder, I would have found some more.) One owner kindly opened up his car to let people sit inside and take pictures. I gladly seized the opportunity, even though it meant waiting in a long line. It had always been my dream to shoot a picture of a DeLorean in the parking lot of Twin Pines Mall. What better day for that dream to come true!

There was also a big 30th anniversary program on Sunday evening - the last day of the festivities. In the mean time, the props remained on display day and night. I'm pretty sure there were at least a few mall visitors who were confused as to why there was a sign showing a different mall's name and why an old white truck had so many cameras pointing at it. I hope they had a chance to be enlightened; the future has come, and it's time to celebrate.

Sunday's program revolved around a screening of the first movie in the parking lot. Tiffany and I arrived at around 5:30PM to join the fun. (I can't always travel alone as a married man, right?) The entire chunk of parking lot where the scenes were filmed had been blocked off. While walking from our car, we passed by another DeLorean, along with a replica of KITT from "Knight Rider", leaving spectators no doubt that the 80's has returned. At the site of the event, there were hundreds of guests, many who wore white wigs, lab coats, red vests, or self-lacing Nikes. Of course, Doc's truck and the "Twin Pines Mall" sign were still there, surrounded by people trying to take pictures. Up on the stage, a band played familiar 80's music to set the mood. And yes, there were lots of DeLoreans - stock ones, modified ones, and time machines powered both by plutonium and by Mr. Fusion. Just a few seconds after our arrival, we were handed a familiar-looking "Save the Clock Tower" flyer. Usually, I try to avoid people at shopping centers who hand out papers with the intention of ultimately selling me something. But this was one flyer I accepted, embraced, and took lots of pictures with.

There were a few hundred or so chairs set up in front of the stage where the movie would be screened. Of course, they were all reserved for those who paid a crazy amount of money for tickets that gave them access to various "Back to the Future"-related events throughout the week. When I made my pilgrimage on Wednesday, the mall customer service reps and security guards did a great job informing guests that chairs would not be provided at the movie screening. That's why many people (including us) showed up with their own folding chairs to sit on while enjoying the show. It may seem like a big inconvenience, but it's one that I'm very happy about. First, it helped reduce the crowd size by distinguishing those who intentionally came for the show from those who just wanted to join the hype. After all, most people wouldn't want to stand through an entire movie, especially a 30-year-old one that they could rent and watch at home anytime. Second, it allowed a chunk of space between the reserved seats and the bring-your-own-chairs area for about 15 DeLoreans to park so their lucky owners could watch the movie from their cars.

Chances are if you attended the screening, you have already seen "Back to the Future" multiple times already, and you were there more for the experience of being at Twin Pines Mall than to have the best view of the screen. Personally, I thought Tiffany and I had some of the best seats in the hou- I mean, parking lot. There was a DeLorean parked right next to us, and a whole row of them directly in front, helping ensure that no jerk would squish in an extra chair in front to block our view. The overall vibe really reminds me of the epic "Back to the Future" ride at Universal Studios. I hope all of the festivities this week served as a clear sign to the park managers that they made a huge mistake when they closed down the ride.

The actual movie screening didn't start until about 8:30 - much later than most of us preferred. But the presence of so many DeLoreans kept me wide awake. There were also some neat surprises to get everybody hyped up, including a clip depicting Marty's arrival at the "real" 2015 and a live webcam session with Doc (Christopher Lloyd) himself. And yes, we were treated to a live "Great Scott!".

The movie finally began. The DeLorean owners whose cars were parked directly in front of the free seating area were kind enough to leave their gullwing doors closed to not block the view. (One owner commented that if he left the door open, the battery would be dead by the end of the night.) With only a tiny portion of the side windows capable of being rolled down, I wonder if it got a little stuffy inside. (The cost of looking stylish on the road was much higher in the 80's than it is today.) I'm not sure if the organizers actually did this or not, but it would be cool if they set up a radio frequency so those watching the movie from inside the DeLoreans could hear the sound directly from their speakers. It would have been nice if they cranked up the overall volume a little louder. But I'm sure they had reasons against doing so, whether it's noise violations, sound system limitations, or, most likely, the fear of making the guests in the front deaf.

I'm no stranger to attending car shows by myself, and Tiffany and I are no strangers to watching movies on our date nights. But this event was a very strange fusion of the two worlds. She was very supportive and didn't mind me running around occasionally to catch pictures/videos. In a sense, it felt more like watching a sports game. People were free to get up and move around, and several food trucks in the back helped make sure nobody went hungry. And whenever something significant happened, everybody cheered. A pretty substantial crowd cheered when the scenes from Whittier High School appeared on the screen. And of course, when Marty arrived at Twin Pines Mall, everybody went wild.

And the best part of it all? I had been informed early on that the festivities would include live scene reenactments. But as the hours passed, I began to wonder not only when they would take place, but also where. (How the heck could they have room to do anything with so many people running around?) Little did I know that as the movie played, police had quietly blocked off the whole back area where Doc's truck was parked, along with streets around the entire lot where the event was taking place.

It came time for that unforgettable scene when the Libyans appeared at Twin Pines Mall, shot Doc, and pursued Marty in the time machine. Except this time, the scene played simultaneously both on the screen in front of us and in real life behind us. People went ballistic and flocked to the back immediately. Thankfully, the reenactment ended with the Libyans' blue and white VW van pursuing Marty in the time machine around the entire perimeter of the lot so everybody caught at least a glimpse of the action. When the pursuit ended back by Doc's truck, a huge crowed immediately formed to get pictures with the actors and their rides.

A few smaller reenactments involving Doc jumping on the stage in front of the screen kept everybody surprised. At the end when Doc, with Marty's advise, stood victorious after being shot, everybody cheered - Well, everybody except the pair of Libyans who jumped on their seats and booed to our amusement. The movie ended with a standing ovation. We all knew this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and we were all glad we had been part of it.

The future has already come, and it's amazing that thirty years after "Back to the Future" was first released, it still stands as an icon, even though the "future" is clearly very different from what was predicted. (Cars can fly and skateboards can hover, but there are no smartphones?). The movie industry has evolved a lot over the past thirty years, both artistically and technologically, and while the advancements have let do many masterpieces, it has also made audiences much more critical. The sad truth is that if a new live-action movie with a completely original storyline like "Back to the Future" were to hit theaters today, it would probably receive more criticism than praise; such fantastical and unrealistic creativity can only succeed if either it already exists in our culture (as a novel, comic, classic movie, etc.) or it is expressed through animation or other means that don't imply high expectations of realisticness or scientific accuracy. But I believe a part of what makes "Back to the Future" such an icon today is that very creativity, triggering an inner sense of adventure, and for many of us, memories of our own childhood. Throughout the night, we found ourselves surrounded by both people much younger than us and people much older than us, all of whom were united by a love for the movie. (Then again, with so many people wearing huge white wigs, it's a little hard to tell their actual age.) Time travel may still be something of the future (maybe in the year 2045?), but there is no doubt that "Back to the Future" has already stood the test of time. And Hollywood, please don't attempt to remake or continue the story. Just let it be what it has taken three decades to become - a true and timeless classic.

10/19: 21 years is a long time for a young man to be without a father. Each year has brought new opportunities to honor Dad by growing stronger through the many steps of life's journey, and this year, I'm thankful and glad to have finally fulfilled a dream I've had for a very long time - to acknowledge his priceless contribution to and inspiration for my life at a once-in-a-lifetime event - my wedding. This year, I moved out of the house I spent most of my life in - the place he last called home before going to heaven - and began to live independently from Mom. This year, I made a lifelong commitment to the girl I now call my wife and began the journey of learning to love her as the leader of our Christ-centered family.

Needless to say, the journey is full of challenges. There have already been countless times when I'm tempted to conclude that I'm simply not good enough or strong enough, which prompts me to doubt God's goodness and sovereignty in taking Dad away when I was so young. But the truth is that He is in complete control, and if I take each step of the journey out of obedience to Him, then there is no doubt I'm on the right track. Even with all the mistakes I make, He accepts me as I am and guides me according to His perfect will. Dad understood that truth as he fought the battle against cancer. That's why, even as he faced the threat of death, he was at peace. If someday I were to be in the same situation, would I be confident that my relatively short marriage was worthwhile, both for me and for Tiffany and her family? Would I trust that God would fully care for those I leave behind? Would I know undoubtedly that I would soon be in heaven, and that someday all of my loved ones who share my faith will be united again?

These are difficult questions for me to answer. Sometimes, it is hard to see the true strength of our faith until it is put to the test. But developing such unwavering faith is a challenge I must embrace. It not only honors Dad, but also glorifies God and makes my life so much more fulfilling. After all, as Dad's story clearly shows, everything I hold dear in this world will eventually fade away, and I don't even really have control over when it will happen. At the end, if I don't have faith, then I really don't have anything at all.

Of course, I must still do my best to be responsible for the roles I'm called to play in this world. But I must never lose sight of the big picture. And now that I have the great privileges of loving Mom as a son who lives independently and loving Tiffany as a husband, I must strive to do what Dad would surely have done to his parents and to Mom if he were given more time - to make faith the center of every relationship, doing my best as I trust in God to guide me every step of the way.

10/08: I've been blessed with several different jobs since I was first old enough for employment. But looking back now, I find it a little funny how I've never actually been successful in applying for a job on my own. The closest I've ever been was back in high school when I worked at a computer monitor company for a short while, but that was only because I first spent a couple months there as an unpaid summer intern through Troy High School's well-established student internship program, and they figured it wouldn't hurt to keep me for the rest of that summer with a small pay. Most of my other job opportunities came through people I know or people my mom knows. Not that I'm complaining or anything; it's a huge blessing, especially in the case of my current job, each time I've managed to basically skip what seems like the basic procedures for seeking employment. But that also means that I have pretty much no successful experience when it comes to actual job-hunting, resumes, and interviews, and that my college records have been collecting cyberspace dust on the UCLA website ever since I graduated.

Now that I've been trying to venture out on my own in terms of finding a new career path, it only makes sense that I need to brush off all that dust and prepare all the resources that often come in handy in the quest for a job. That's exactly what I did earlier this week. And of course, when it comes to digging up things from the past that have been left untouched for so long, there are usually some, um, surprises.

First, I didn't remember my UCLA login, even though I had used it pretty much on a daily basis for over four years. (I've always preferred typing passwords manually rather than saving them in computers, so that means I actually typed my username and password every day in college. Apparently muscle memory doesn't last as long as I had hoped...) And while I was able to retrieve my username through my student ID number (which somehow I still remember), I didn't even remember which email address it was registered under, so the only way to get a new password was to contact the office directly, send them some paperwork, and have them change my password manually. Thankfully, their office employees are much faster now than I remembered them to be based on my on-campus experiences, and in a very short time, the problem was solved.

Now it's time to send my transcript to a prospective employer. I logged in to the website, found the transcript page, followed the instructions to have it sent, and discovered that UCLA was unable to send any of my transcript information to anyone or grant me access to any services because there was a hold on my record from... June 18, 2008.

09/28: Around the end of last year, my life took a big turn that pointed me toward a future of uncertainty. I consider it a leap of faith, a crazy adventure, and a new chapter in my life story that will unfold over the course of time. The problem is that I didn't expect this course of time to drag on for so long. And the more time passes, the more I find my faith tainted by worry. It's like one of those action/suspense movies where the main character dives into a point of no return, but you know that at the very last second, something or someone will come to his rescue and help him rise again victorious.

I can't help but doubt once in a while though. Am I certain that I'm the good guy in this story? What if, because of the many mistakes I've made, I've lost the blessing that gave me unquestionable assurance last December? What if it turns out I'm actually the villain, deceived and destined to fall to ruins? It's a scary idea to entertain. But one thing I'm sure about right now is that regardless of my circumstances, I'm still blessed. Sure, I technically should have left my job almost ten months ago with no intention of ever going back, and it's a little ridiculous that I'm still working there now. But for several months, the job has proven greatly beneficial both for me and for the company. While working part-time, I was able to help them with various important tasks that my experience in the past four years qualified me for. At the same time, I was able to earn a much-better-than-deserved income while having plenty of time to plan and prepare for my wedding. I was once again humbled by God's kindness when, the very week after getting married, I was asked to resume full-time employment to cover for a co-worker out on vacation. He must have known that being married means having greater financial responsibilities and left me assured once again that He wouldn't expect me, as a man, to be a provider if He isn't my provider in the first place.

A couple months have passed since then. My co-worker has returned from vacation, things in the office have more or less settled down, and it's time for me to return to part-time employment. (That's why I'm here journaling at home on a Monday morning.) God gives and God takes away, and I should praise Him and recognize His blessings whether they seem big or small. But I can't help but feel like something in my life is now seriously wrong. My work hours and responsibilities have fluctuated greatly over the past nine to ten months. But I remain certain, just as I did before, that I don't belong there. And at this point, I should have no chance of ever returning to work full-time there again.

While that pushes me deeper into this point of no return, it also serves as a desperately needed awakening in my constant struggle with complacency. The longer I stay with the job, the more I'm tempted to continue cruising along and stop pushing myself forward. There's no doubt that I don't belong there, and every time I try to convince myself that I do, I'm only deceiving and hurting myself, prolonging the suspense and delaying my victory. Faith without works is dead, and if my faith in God to pave my new career path is not backed by effort and action, then how can I expect an answer to magically fall from the sky?

To say that I've delayed this journey for the sake of wedding preparations isn't necessarily a bad excuse, and looking back now, I'm actually quite glad that I did. But now that marriage is a reality and all the responsibilities of life are in full swing, I have no choice but to get up and take action. The truth is that I have, over the past several months, considered and applied to a few potential job opportunities, and the door for one particular direction has always opened for me despite the long and tedious process. In the same way my position at my current job has increasingly diminished, my potential for this new direction has increasingly grown.

The battle rages on in full strength, and I must remember that no matter what curveballs I face and what resources I'm given or deprived of, I'm still greatly blessed, because my God is in ultimate control. I must also remember, as I learned back in January but failed countless times to put to practice, that time, just like money, is a precious gift from God that must be invested wisely. I may not know exactly when or how victory will come, or even what the outcome will be like. And it's very likely that my mistakes have had - and will continue to have - an impact on those things. But I know that I must not give up, because God is with me, and with every breath, I'm closer than ever before to victory.

09/23: Wisdom is one of the things I pray most often for. I need wisdom to better love and care for my wife. I need wisdom to see the needs of those around me and serve those I've been called to serve. I need wisdom to manage my finances and set long-term goals. I need wisdom to make good decisions and do good deeds. The book of Proverbs emphasizes many times the importance of wisdom and paints clear contrasts between the wise and the foolish. Wisdom is clearly an important character trait that a good Christian should desire. But many times when I look back at the end of the day, I still feel so foolish. Each day is filled with wrong decisions, acts of selfish ambition, hurtful words, damaged relationships, and many other things that sometimes even make me ashamed of being a Christian. Does God not hear my prayers and acknowledge my desire for wisdom?

I'm starting to see more and more that the problem isn't God's negligence of my prayers, but rather the glaringly self-centered motives behind them. I want to love and care for Tiffany because it makes me feel like I'm being a good husband. I want to serve others so I can look back and feel self-righteous. I want to be wise with my finances so I will be more self-sufficient and less dependent on faith in God. I want to be on good behavior everywhere I go so I feel entitled to judge those who don't meet the same standards. Sure, to some people and in some situations, I may be considered good or wise, and I praise God for blessing me accordingly. But ultimately, my "wisdom" is largely limited by my own feelings and desires, and when there's nothing for me to gain, I have no motivation to exercise wisdom. Am I playing God, or am I letting God take His rightful place in my life?

That's where the problem is. The very attitudes behind my seemingly wise prayers to the wise God demonstrate a glaring lack of wisdom. God would be a fool to ignore the foolishness of my requests and grant me the "wisdom" I long for. Throughout the Bible, God answered prayers not so people could boast, but so He would be glorified. With that in mind, it's time for me to refocus my prayers for wisdom. I need wisdom to discern between things close to God's heart and things close to my own heart. I need wisdom to study His Word daily, not only to fulfill ministry obligations but also out of a desire to know Him more. I need wisdom to spend time in prayer and away from distraction, not only when praying together with Tiffany but also when I'm alone. I need wisdom to find contentment in God rather than in my accomplishments, seeing every situation as an opportunity to give Him glory. I need wisdom to be free from past mistakes and courageous in facing present and future challenges and uncertainties. I need wisdom to see God as infinitely bigger, stronger, and wiser than me, and to surrender my life to Him once again, both on a daily basis and in the long run.

May God continue to teach me to align my heart with His own. May God continue to work out all things according to His great and glorious purpose. Lastly, may God grant me a humble and teachable heart to continue seeking true wisdom that He desires in all His children.