12/31: 2017 Reflections

It seems like the older I get, the faster time passes. Maybe it's because more life experience means less things are fresh and new. Or maybe it's because most of my attention now is focused on larger, long-term goals. Having to filter just about every decision I make through the lens of efficiency and practicality makes it much more difficult to celebrate life the way I used to. But life isn't measured by how much resources I have, but rather what I choose to do with what I have. In this past year, I completed my first full year of working for the City of Los Angeles. Upon receiving my vacation days, Tiffany and I went to London to enjoy our long-awaited Honeymoon (June 23 entry). I continued to pursue music as a professional hobby, and was blessed with numerous opportunities to collaborate with others in arrangements and performances. Looking back at 2017, I have no doubt that my life is, in fact, still filled with great adventures.

2017 began with me completing the long process of moving all of my belongings out of my old room at Mom's house and into a nearby storage facility (January 9 entry). While the move was based more on necessity than anything else, it essentially symbolized my complete independence as an adult. Yes, family will always be family, and I still visit Mom on a regular basis. But aside from a few old things I occasionally stumble upon during my visits, the place that I called home growing up is now no longer mine, and I can't - and shouldn't - think of it as a place I can always fall back on anymore.

If I can't look backward, then all I can do - and should do - is look forward, focusing on what's ahead rather than clinging too tightly onto what's behind. In January I took the Management Analyst exam that I had spent several months preparing for (January 30 entry). I managed to pass and was granted a qualifying interview in April, which I also passed. But my final score, which was posted over a month earlier than most people had anticipated, was much lower than what I had expected based on my performance and the feedback of others, including those working closely with me and senior-level staff who had helped me conduct mock interviews (June 26 entry). While the journey leading up to this point had been full of challenges, this was the first time where I was actually left feeling disappointed and defeated. And it served as an important reminder to me that if I really believe that God is my provider, then I should continue believing regardless of whether or not I get what I want each time I pray.

And because all I have ultimately comes from God, I must always remember to give to and help others, especially in the ministries I'm actively participating in. Ministry has been a major area of struggle in this past year as I wrestle with my identity and role in the various groups I'm part of. A retreat with my church in September (September 13 entry) served as a desperately-needed opportunity to get away from the routine patterns of ministry and see a bigger picture with a greater sense of hope. It gave me courage and determination to pursue a new potential opportunity that should greatly benefit both myself and others. But even as I write this, there are curveballs coming quickly at me that I still have no idea how to catch. I must continue to eagerly seek God's guidance to know how to take each step.

I began getting Management Analyst job interviews much sooner than I had expected. While that's definitely a good thing, it also forced me to make some difficult decisions, finally resulting in me accepting a job offer just a few days ago at a different department (December 28 entry). Even though it had always been my intention to receive the promotion while staying in my current department, unforseen circumstances beyond our control forced me to choose otherwise. Soon I'll be leaving behind an environment I enjoy, people I'm comfortable with, and a management team that has always had every intention to help and keep me. Saying goodbye is rarely easy, and neither is having to adapt to a new environment with new challenges. But sometimes it's the only way to open the door for new opportunities, and I must learn to embrace such opportunities as I prepare to take the next big step in my career.

As this year comes to a close, I feel like so many important things around me are crumbling. In some areas, there seem to be just too many problems. And in others, there are too many things that I neither know nor can control. But isn't that how an adventure is supposed to be? You jump out of your nest, then you soar. You go somewhere with no clue what to expect, then you fall in love with it. You take a risk, bear the consequences, and receive the rewards. Sure, it's not easy, and there may be times when you think you've gone crazy. But in the end when you look back, you realize it's all worth it. God didn't create people to live boring, ordinary lives. With so many changes and transitions taking place right now, all I know is that, by this time next month, much of my life as I know it now will be completely different.

And if so much can happen in just one month, then how much more can happen in an entire year? There hasn't been a single year in my life in which things have gone exactly as I expected. And that's a good thing, because God's knowledge and power is far greater than my own. What new opportunities in work, music, and ministry will I pursue? What opportunities will I have to leave behind? What will my new job be like? How will the additional income affect the way Tiffany and I live? Will we buy a home? Will we have children? I'm sure the list can go on until I'm overwhelmed by just how many questions I have. But going on an adventure isn't about having answers to every question, but rather seizing every moment and making the most of it. I may not know much, but what I know is enough - God is faithful, and He knows and does what's best for His children. Every up, every down, everything I know and don't know... is it not all in His sovereign control? I have no idea what surprises 2018 has in store, but it's time for me to wholeheartedly embrace it, knowing that it's going to be another great and unforgettable adventure.

12/28: Last night during dinner with Tiffany's family, I was casually asked about my job and mentioned that I had just accepted a promotion in the morning. Unsurprisingly, everyone at the table was excited. But while rejoicing with them, I remained largely quiet and unemotional. Yes, getting a promotion, especially one with as high of a pay jump as that which I just accepted, is definitely worth celebrating. But the truth is that it has been an incredibly challenging and exhausting journey - one filled with all kinds of emotions that will need time to sink in before I can really begin focusing on what is to come.

Around this time last year, I was gearing up for the upcoming Management Analyst exam after months of preparation. I managed to pass the exam and was granted a qualifying interview, but scored surprisingly poorly on the interview, resulting in a disappointingly low ranking among the 400 applicants who made the final cut. While I know there's no need to compare myself to others, I have to admit it was very discouraging to see both of the other Management Assistants in my section score high enough to get promoted to Analysts almost immediately after the rankings were published in June while I remained on the bottom half of the list waiting for my chance.

Thankfully, the Analyst positions for all three of us in our own section have always been pretty much guaranteed for us, given that we made the list and scored high enough to be reached. And because the list actually moved rather quickly thanks to a large number of Citywide openings, I knew that my promotion was not a question of "if", but simply "when". Throughout this journey, I had only one plan - to remain in my current seat, doing work that I'm more or less familiar with alongside people that I already enjoy working with, and enjoy the financial benefits of the promotion once I could receive it.

Little did I know, though, that the "when" I had imagined would unfold into many challenges, opportunities, and difficult decisions. I began receiving requisition emails from different departments in late September - much sooner than I had anticipated. Typically, the earliest requisitions would bear no fruit since I was still on the bottom of the reachable pool of applicants. But of course, I did my part and applied to all except the ones I knew I would not consider (due to location, schedule, and other important factors). As the weeks passed, the number of requisitions received grew. And in November, I was offered my first interview for a position with another department.

All of this seemed great, except that as I continued my daily work in my department, I watched as more colleagues were promoted and more interviews were conducted, including a round of Analyst interviews that had just been completed a few weeks ago that resulted in an additional Analyst that would soon join my section. A co-worker from another section who had scored just two points higher than me was granted that interview - and received his promotion. But apparently that two-point difference was exactly where our department had decided to make their cut; despite me having already received over a dozen requisition emails from various departments, not a single one was from my own.

That's the problem with some of the larger City departments, and probably with government jobs in general - There are so many procedures and policies that must be followed, and while that has its own benefits, it can result in highly time-consuming turnaround times for something as simple as offering a promotion to existing staff who is already qualified in just about every way. My department has additional policies that favor fewer requisitions with more candidates in each requisition, meaning that since the last round of interviews had just been completed, I shouldn't expect a new requisition to be processed unless somebody with authority specifically asked for it. So as the day of my first interview approached, I saw it as simply an opportunity to nudge my supervisor and manager to push our personnel section to send out another requisition.

But of course, I'm not stupid enough to actually turn down the interview. Having done several different interviews before finally being offered my current position, I figured chances are this one would end up being nothing more than a good practice opportunity. But I seized that opportunity and did my part to prepare. As crazy as it may seem given my fear of public speaking and inadequacy in verbal communication, I've actually come to really enjoy job interviews. Essentially, I think of it as an opportunity to talk to people about myself - something that I often wish more people in the world would allow me to do. And that's exactly how I approached this one.

Overall, I thought I did a decent job, despite a few questions that caught me off guard, resulting in not-so-great responses. But I had done poorly on my qualifying interview despite being genuinely told by many people that I was very prepared, so who was I to make any assumptions? Everything seemed to be cruising along just fine until the following week when my supervisor told me she had received a reference call for me - a good indication that the department was interested in hiring me. A few hours later, I received a call with the job offer.

So what's the problem? I never had any intention of leaving my current department, and now I was suddenly being given an opportunity to do so. I've come to see after working in my department for a year and a half that our management not only claims to care about what's best for employees, but actually takes initiative to do so. And thanks to them, I've already received far more blessings from my job than I could have ever imagined - enough for me to confidently tell them that I was willing to wait an additional few weeks or even a month, giving up additional pay in the process, to keep my position. There's no doubt that my manager and supervisor wanted me to stay. And I really did want to stay. But without a requisition in sight for me, how could I turn down a job offer?

It was actually a rather funny situation to be in. While most decisions in life ultimately involve some type of win-or-lose situation, here's one that involved two potentially positive outcomes, each of which would also require giving up whatever opportunities the other would have to offer. Most working professionals would easily say to take the job offer and not worry about possibly burning existing bridges. But I believed that there had to be a better way to approach the problem. I joked with several people that if this situation happened in a private sector job, this would be the time when the boss would pull me aside and negotiate a giant pay raise in order to keep me from leaving. But of course, this is the City, where such things simply don't happen. I told the department offering me the job that I was waiting for another offer from my current department and would get back to them with a decision the following morning.

That night, I began to consider, for the first time, the potential benefits of actually going to the new department (which, in an organization as large as the City, means basically an entirely new job with an entirely new group of people). Some have told me they heard good things from people who work there. I became convinced that despite the obvious challenges of adapting to a new and unknown environment, I was actually excited about the opportunity to do so.

The next morning, from the moment I woke up, I wanted nothing other than to be assured that God was with me no matter where I was. Having spent much time in prayer, I met with my supervisor and manager to discuss the problem. Many have said that when people of authority really want something/someone, they will certainly find ways to make it happen. To be honest, I hoped for something mind-blowing and miraculous - a warrior-of-a-boss who would suddenly rise up and defeat every foe to rescue me. But of course, reality isn't nearly as glamourous. My manager did promise to meet with higher officials specifically regarding options to expedite the process and assure me that I should be getting a requisition in not much longer than the time it would take to transition to a new department. And somehow, that was enough to convince me to tell them that I would reject the new job offer and choose to wait.

Immediately after I returned to my cubicle, I was overwhelmed with grief. For a few hours I wrestled with myself before I finally picked up the phone to turn down the offer that I had just started to get excited about. Was I too naive? Too weak? A total idiot? I sure felt like I was. After all, I just gave up a huge opportunity (and a huge chunk of money) for something that still had no definite timeframe. But I had to remind myself - Did I not pray that God would guide me in whatever decision I made when meeting with my supervisor and manager? And if so, then why was I doubting that the decision I made was acceptable to Him?

Early the following week, I was called in to another meeting with my supervisor and manager. They informed me that while they had met with upper management and explained the situation clearly, it appeared that our personnel division had more pressing issues to focus on and were not in a hurry to process the Analyst requisition, since the previous one had just been completed not long ago. Yes, my position was still guaranteed. But it would probably take longer - maybe not until a few months later - for me to get it.

Had I been deceived? Maybe slightly, but certainly not by anyone with any intention to hurt me. Sure, the news left me frustrated. But it also gave me something I really needed at this point - power. If personnel can't do their part to help, neither I nor our management can be blamed, and I would no longer feel like I was burning any bridges or turning my back on anyone. And that empowered me to fully direct my focus to what's best for me on the simple basis of what is wise and what is foolish - what basically anyone in my shoes would and should do. I made it clear that while I still wanted to stay and knew they were doing their best to help me do so, it would be wrong of me to keep waiting indefinitely while opportunities came and went. Having responded to numerous requisitions already, there would certainly be more interviews in the near future. And if I didn't have a requsition from my department by the time I got my next job offer, whenever/wherever it may be, I would choose to accept it.

A part of me couldn't help but wish and pray that I would end up stumbling upon an opportunity so grand that when I accept it, it would leave everyone in my section speechless. And whenever I received a new requisition that seemed like one of those grand opportunities, I embraced it like no other. But those ended up being simply daydreams. I did receive two more interviews and ended up getting another offer. (The other interview was just held last week, so the results are not determined yet). But that offer came with its own set of struggles for me to face.

There are all kinds of rumors floating around about bad experiences people have had in various departments. But based on what I've heard, no department has received as much negative feedback as the one that offered me the position. Numerous people, including both senior staff and entry-level colleagues, have heard that I applied for it and immediately told me "it sucks". That bothered me so much that, to be honest, I didn't even treat the interview half as seriously as I did the other two. I didn't purposely bomb it, but neither did I go with a desire of actually getting the job; I simply showed up and did what I felt I should do in an interview. And little did I know that they, too, would end up making a reference call to my supervisor and eventually giving me a job offer. Yes, I had said I would accept the next offer I got. But why this one? And should I come up with a way to justify changing my mind?

To be honest, a big part of me had actually hoped that I would not get this offer, just so that I wouldn't have to worry about making this decision. In fact, when the call came on Tuesday morning, I actually ignored it, prompting them to try my alternate number, then send an email with the details. Once again, I asked to get back to them the following morning so I would have a day to consider my decision.

Above everything else, I felt confused. Why, of the three Management Assistants in my section, am I the only one forced to make this kind of decision? Why, despite my poor performance on the qualifying interview, did I suddenly end up with a 100% success rate on these departmental interviews? Could it be that God is intentionally leading me away from my department to an entirely new environment? If so, why this one, and not the first one I had received an offer from? What about all of the potential benefits of remaining in my current seat? Will I ever come back? Does the new department really "suck" as much as everybody says? If so, how?

I know that I shouldn't let what people say get the best of me. After all, everyone has a different idea of what a good job should look like. Is work in this new department too easy? Too hard? Is it disorganized? Coming from the private sector, I'm quite confident that any City job that "sucks" can't be worse than what "sucks" without all the provisions of civil service. And if it turns out that I really hate it, I can always look for transfer opportunities.

Speaking of transfer opportunities, last week I had another meeting with my supervisor and manager during which the idea of letting me accept an outside job offer then immediately transferring back to my current spot was brought up. I was even assured that passing probation wouldn't be a problem since I'm already doing just fine right now (unless, of course, I do something illegal or abysmally stupid.) But now, it's no longer about whether I want to stay or go, or whether anyone wants me to stay or go. It's about doing what's right - getting the promotion I had worked hard for, taking on new challenges, going out of my comfort zone, and gaining new experience that, whether I like it or not, will be far more beneficial to me in the long run than remaining where I am for several more years. While excessive job-hopping is usually frowned upon, a reasonable amount of transitions will only result in a wider scope of experience that makes me a more desirable candidate in future promotions. In terms of my career life, I'm still very young, and it would be wrong for me to foolishly reject opportunities assuming my current department will provide for me forever.

I realized that I had fallen into the temptation of becoming complacent. Despite training for so long to win this race, I was now just seconds away from the finish line and wanting to stop to rest. When I first attempted to get a City job, I was willing to work for whatever department gave me the first offer and challenge myself to face whatever that job would entail. Now, only a year and a half later, I'm telling myself every reason why each of the jobs I interviewed for would be too difficult for me. Yes, it's always good to exercise wisdom in decision-making. But had I forgotten what I had worked so hard over the past year to achieve?

God is in control of all things, and only He knows which opportunities would be good for me and which ones would not. I remember back in college when I would counsel younger friends who were wrestling with decisions of which college to attend. Having been through that struggle, I knew how easy it was to be overwhelmed by the thought that this decision would require stepping out of my comfort zone and had the power to forever change my life. But I told them to remember one thing - every college would have its pros and cons, and regardless of which one you choose, you would certainly find something you like about it, and you would never know for sure what you missed out on at the others. So make your choice and embrace it confidently.

For the first time since college, I was faced with such a difficult choice. And it was time for me to swallow my own medicine. I may never know the answers to all my questions, and I've had to remind myself countless times to stop speculating and focus on what matters most - the fact that God is with me and guiding me in every decision and every step.

Yesterday morning, I accepted the job offer. "So I guess it's official now", my supervisor said after I told her the news. I was heartbroken. In the past, I've switched jobs because I wanted to leave so badly that I was willing to leave everything and everyone behind. Now, it actually hurts to say goodbye. This decision was no easier than the decision to reject the first job offer I received, and just like the day I made that decision, I was overwhelmed with grief over what I had done. I really don't want to go. But at the same time, I do - and I must. If God intends for me to come back someday, then surely He will open that door when the time comes. But when I prayerfully consider a situation and make a decision, I must embrace it and face it confidently.

I'm expecting to switch to the new job sometime in January. (It's up to the two departments to negotiate on a suitable transition date.) But based on the little I know now, I can already say that the new job will neither be comfortable nor easy. Aside from having to adapt to an entirely new group of people and learn the functions of the new department from scratch, I'll be supervising and coordinating the work of four people. I've had to learn a great deal about supervision in preparation for the Analyst exam. Now, it's actually going to become reality. And as one who has always been more comfortable handling "things" than people, I know there will be an entirely new world of challenges in store for me.

But it's time for me to step out of my comfort zone and think of challenges as opportunities rather than burdens. My current job has taught me things that benefitted not only my career, but also my life outside of work. I'm sure this new position will do the same. Slowly but surely, I'm coming to terms with the reality that the roller coaster that has carried me for the past month has finally come to rest, and that my days in my current seat - the only seat I have known as a City employee - are now numbered. And as that reality sinks in, I'm seeing more and more that I am, in fact, tremendously blessed. To be honest, my promotion as Analyst has come much sooner than I had anticipated based on my ranking. And thanks to a recent consolidation of the former "Analyst 1" and "Analyst 2" classes resulting in every Analyst being moved to the level 2 pay scale, this is essentially two promotions happening at the same time. Those who understand the City pay system will not be surprised by the fact that this promotion will result in a raise of almost 50% compared to my starting pay just a year and a half ago. Each time I consider the journey that led me to this point, I'm left humbled and speechless.

Many big and exciting life decisions that Tiffany and I must make are hinged on this promotion, and soon it will be time to face them. However, we must always remember to look to God as our provider. This world is full of things that are good - even great. But we must never let them distract us from what is best. Some may say that when it comes to a job, the best place to be is that with the nicest people, or that with the least stress, or that with the highest pay. But true joy and peace to not come from wealth, popularity, achievement, or comfort. Throughout the long journey of preparing for this promotion, I've learned that in each step of the way, whether I get what I want or fail to do so, God is still the same - loving, faithful, all-powerful, and unchanging. And regardless of what the future holds or what people may say or think, I know that there's no better place for me to be than in the path of God's great and perfect will.

12/23: It usually takes two things for me to reach a breakthrough moment. First, I have to pinpoint a source of problems or a new idea that, if resolved or implemented, could make a significant difference. Second, there needs to be a desirable solution or method that is within my means and is justified by the desired outcome. Thanks to a surprisingly profitable few months for Exotic Affinity, I've treated myself to a little Christmas gift that I believe will trigger a breakthrough in the near future.

12/07: 2017 LA Auto Show Notes

-I've heard a bunch of people say this and now I'll say it too - The Porsche GT2 RS looks much better in person than in pictures.

-Special thanks to Porsche for screwing over every loyal customer that paid a few hundred grand above sticker to get a limited-edition 911R. Thanks to the new GT3 Touring, those "investment" cars are now essentially just an outdated version of a regular production model.

-The "Redspace" was an interesting surprise hidden in a corner, not only because it's a funky-looking vehicle, but also because it's from a Chinese startup that currently has no tangible plans to sell it in the States. Oh, and did you know it was designed by Bangle?

-Props to Mercedes for never failing to do crazy awesome things. The Project ONE stands as the lone hypercar displayed by its actual manufacturer. (I guess the S7 Le Mans counts too, but that's essentially a refreshed version of a 17-year-old car. The only other hypercar I recall seeing was a 918 Spyder in the aftermarket hall.)

-I still don't understand the whole Mercedes-Benz-Mercedes-AMG-Mercedes-Maybach branding. Maybach is essentially an ultraluxury trim of existing Mercedes-Benz models, so why call it a separate brand? Yes, the Mercedes-AMG GT is an entirely separate car, but it still wears a huge Mercedes-Benz badge on the front grille. Remember when Dodge tried to make SRT a standalone brand? At least the Viper had a unique logo... and the plan still failed in about a year.

-The Corvette ZR1 looks amazing, especially from the front. I wouldn't exactly consider it "exotic" given its price range and the fact that it's based on a much less expensive base car. But when ZR1's start pulling up to car meets, it's going to be hard to tell from far away that it's not something worth over $300,000.

-There should be a scavenger hunt in the show program for new Ford GT's. I found one in the West Hall lobby, one mixed among a bunch of Galpin's custom cars, and two in Ford's display, including the one pinned into to a wall that everybody and their mothers took pictures of. (I'm guessing that one isn't an actual functional car?) There might have been more that I missed (or forgot). By the way, the new red and white Heritage limited edition looks amazing.

-There was a big family of Asians sitting inside the Chrysler Pacifica looking like they want to own one. That's a very good sign for Chrysler; everyone from the SGV knows that Asian families are one of few demographics that generally still embrace minivans, and the same demographic tends to have a heavy bias toward Asian brands. Truth be told, the Pacifica is one of the best-looking minivans I've seen in a very long time. And looking back now, it's amazing that after all these years of Prius world domination, no one came up with the idea of a hybrid minivan until now.

-I've heard two opposite viewpoints on the new Nissan Kicks - Some say that its lower performance and conservative styling fails to stand out like the Juke did in a crowded segment, while others say that it will appeal to more buyers who are simply looking for a practical and economical car. My only issue? The car's name seems to imply that Nissan either wants it to kick competitors' butts or wants it to appeal to a more hip crowd - the same crowd attracted to names like "Soul" and "Juke". If that's the case, then the new car's more conservative approach may be a step backwards. Only time will tell, but in the mean time I do have one little request - To the crazy engineer(s) at Nissan who built the wild Juke-R and actually sold and handful at ridiculous prices, please go ahead and exercise your creativity again. And just for kicks (pun intented), consider the name "Kicks-a(R)se".

-The new Lincoln Navigator looks surprisingly good. I commented to one of the staff that at first glance I could have sworn I was looking at the concept at last year's show. It will be interesting to see how it fares in the luxury SUV crowd, especially among Escalade shoppers.

-While on the subject of Lincoln, I must applaud them for intentionally making a switch back to using actual names ("Continental", "Nautilus", etc.). It definitely adds a more emotional touch to a person's overall experience with a car. Leave all the alphanumeric nomenclature to the Germans - After all, they seem best at boasting about numbers and features and building an entire lineup of cars that almost look exactly the same. I hope Cadillac will eventually follow Lincoln's footsteps.

-Remember back in the Stone Age when Kentia Hall was home to a bunch of supercar manufacturers?

-The brand new Aston Martin Vantage that made an appearance during the press days had been replaced by a white Vanquish S (which pales in comparison to the bespoke Vanquish S by Q already sitting on the other side of the display), but the sign for the Vantage still stood right next to it. Thank you Galpin for reminding us all that we're just a bunch of peasants who weren't special enough to see the new car.

-South Hall is at least 10-15 degrees warmer than all the other halls. Multi-zone climate control may be a good feature in cars, but when it comes to Auto Shows, I think most people prefer being able to move from hall to hall without feeling the need to take off two layers of clothing.

-In the course of about 30 seconds, at least three people walked by BMW's Concept X7 and called it "Concept XT". The script may not be as simple as the font you use on your phone, but it sure looks like a "7" to me...

-The new BMW concept face looks like an agitated beaver.

-Lexus' new LC500 looks like a concept car; I've seen a handful on the streets, and each time I felt like I was seeing some sort of prototype. (I'm very blessed to have seen a few concept cars driving under natural sunlight; it's quite a sureal experience.) Yes, in recent years Lexus' attempt to break out of its rather bland image has resulted in some rather controversial design elements. But here, they've finally managed to make art out of that giant pinched grill and those funky headlight clusters.

-Is it just me or were there disappointingly few concept cars at this year's show? Personally, I've always enjoyed seeing concepts at Auto Shows, partly because I'm already spoiled by having seen just about every production car on the street (without having to pay admission) and also because it's fun to admire and appreciate the designers' creativity when free from the bounds of production regulations. I don't remember a single concept in West Hall, and I can count the concepts in South Hall with my fingers - BMW's two beavers, a Toyota, a Mazda, and a trio of VW's. Correct me if I missed any...

-It looks like Mazda probably had last dibs in choosing its location on the showroom floor. The entire space was tucked away in a corner, largely hidden from view, with the Vision Coupe concept car hidden in the farthest end of the corner. If I didn't know to look for it, I probably would have missed it. Shame that the single most gorgeous concept car at the entire show didn't get half the attention it deserves.

-I was (pleasantly) surprised to see a good number of wagons, most notably the Porsche Panamera 4 (I thought it was called "Sport Turismo"?). Even though Americans tend to dislike wagons, I'm glad the segment hasn't been completely abandoned.

-Maserati opened up a new Quattroporte GTS for peasants like me to play with. Most cars with its level of exclusivity (including the GranTurismo just a few feet away) are either locked up or fenced off. It was nice getting to spend a few minutes in the driver's seat, play with all its features, and pretend to be a boss.

-What's the deal with Nissan and all the Star Wars stuff? The last Star Wars movie's name happened to have the word "Rogue" in it... and now half of Nissan's show space is dedicated to a bunch of random cars with spacey-looking wings and engines attached to them. Unless they start offering those add-ons as street-legal factory options, I don't see how this whole marketing idea has anything to do with selling cars. Remember when Chevy cars took over the Transformers movies and the collaboration actually made a significant difference in boosting brand image and Camaro sales? Well, that's because the Camaro was actually in the movie. I don't recall seeing a single Nissan in "Rogue One", but if "The Last Jedi" is going to feature a bunch of Stormtroopers driving around in Sentras and Rogues, I think I'd rather wait for it to come out on Netflix and save my movie ticket money to pay for next year's Auto Show admission.

-Two enthusiast cars were given surprisingly little attention, the Nissan GT-R and the Alfa Romeo 4C. I may be wrong, but I don't think Nissan even brought out a GT-R this year. And in past recent years (aside from the debut of the original Nismo R35), poor Godzilla was always left on the floor around ordinary cars that weren't half as interesting. As for the 4C, let's just say that it's clear Alfa Romeo is focused on promoting its newer and more practical models, and the only reason it still has a spot on the floor is that it's still part of the brand's lineup and they feel bad leaving it out completely. Yes, niche cars like these aren't going to generate nearly as much profit compared to more affordable and economical models. Still, it's a little depressing to see them neglected even by their own manufacturers.

11/28: I've always known that there would be one door - and set my eyes on it knowing that I would enter through it when my time comes. But now, for the first time, it's becoming more and more clear that perhaps this wouldn't be the only door, and that I would have to make a difficult decision. Yes, most would say (and I definitely won't deny) that it's better to have too many options than to not have enough. But when presented with multiple doors each leading to a future of uncertainty, great faith and wisdom is required to make a choice.

Some may call me naive, but I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to disappoint anyone who has done nothing to deserve it. And I definitely don't want to disappoint anyone who has only done everything in my best interest. The only way to avoid disappointment is to stay focused on the door that I have always known. But why is it that, while other doors may be opening soon around me, the one I've wanted most is still locked?

A part of me wishes that things would just remain as simple as I had originally hoped - the way I had always known. But when other opportunities call my name, isn't it only right that I at least do my part to respond? (If not, then I would, in fact, be far too naive for my own good!) I had no idea things would lead to this point. While many would rejoice here, I am consumed by worry. If there is a battle to fight, it would be a battle of loyalty, comfort, money, time, faith, and all sorts of uncertainties. God, You who have control of all people, all things, and all time past present and future, please grant me the wisdom to make whatever decisions may come my way and the faith to face them confidently.

11/10: I can't remember the last time I spent almost two months without posting a single entry. Life has been unusually busy, but I definitely can't complain. Recently I've gotten numerous music projects to work on, and they'be been keeping me busy almost every day when I'm at home. Times like this remind me not only of just how much I love music, but also of how important it is to be disciplined even when doing things I love. There are days when I can't wait to come home after work to open up Logic Pro and start making music, and there are other days when I'm simply not in the mood to be creative. When I'm working on my own projects with no deadline, it's tempting to slack off and work only on the days I feel like being productive. But that's why I need outside projects like the ones I'm currently working on; with actual deadlines to meet and actual people waiting to hear their songs come to life, I'm forced to treat music as a job. And as a result, things actually get accomplished rather quickly. Consider this a big musical kick in the butt for me, and one that I can't be more thankful for.