08/21: It's a strange feeling waking up in the morning and forgetting where on earth I am. In fact, in these past few days, I've woken up each morning forgetting for a moment even who I am. Am I home or away from home? Am I living in the past or the present? Am I about to follow my usual routine of getting ready for a day in the office, or am I taking a break from daily life to explore a world that's so new yet so familiar?

Just a few weeks ago, Tiffany and I were at home simply following our daily/weekly routines. Then suddenly, we found ourselves making last-minute preparations to spend almost a week in Taiwan. Taiwan has always been among our top places to travel together to, but for various reasons we hadn't been able to prioritize a big vacation since last year's London honeymoon. Now everything suddenly came together before our eyes, and even though our time was limited, it was up to us to make it count.

Taiwan was so new to me because it had been almost a decade since I was last there. (For Tiffany, it had been much longer.) Needless to say, much has changed since then, both in Taiwan and in my own life. Also, I would be spending some time with Tiffany's family who helped arrange pretty much this entire trip and meeting many of her relatives for the first time.

But Taiwan was also so familiar to me. It was my birthplace and childhood home. It is still home to many of my relatives, including all my relatives on my father's side, none of whom Tiffany had met before. And the combination of my childhood years and the few times I'd returned had left me with countless brilliant memories that I would always want to relive.

Now the new and the familiar were about to come together. Tiffany and I were going back to Taiwan for the first time as a married couple and as independent adults. There would be things we had to do, and there would be time for us to fill with our own activities. This trip was both a duty and a vacation, a chance to connect with family members we rarely get to see and a chance to explore a new place by ourselves. There was so much that needed to be done and arranged ahead of time that I didn't really even look forward to the trip until the day of our departure. But when our bags were all packed, all that could have been done was done, and it was time to go, it finally hit me - this was actually happening, and whether I was ready or not, it was time to embrace it.

Day 1 (Saturday 8/11) - Nothing helps us fight jetlag better than keeping busy until it's the right time to sleep (and having some sugar and caffeine to help us do so.) So it's good that this was the most important day of our entire trip, and also the reason the trip actually happened. A few weeks ago, Tiffany's grandmother in Taiwan passed away. We are saddened by the fact that Tiffany didn't get to see her again and that I never had a chance to meet her. But we are thankful that Mom, who had been travelling to and from Taiwan for years to care for her, was by her side, and most importantly that as a Christian she is now enjoying eternity with Jesus. There was very little time for us to get to the memorial service. Tiffany's parents had helped pre-arrange a taxi driver to pick us up from the airport, stop by our hotel in Tianmu to drop off our luggage and freshen up a little bit, and take us straight to the Taipei Funeral Parlor. Thankfully, our flight arrived punctually at around 5:00 in the morning, and we were able to get to the memorial service on time.

It was not easy juggling the sluggishness of having just stepped off a plane, the excitement of actually being in Taiwan, and the sorrow of saying goodbye to Grandma. Tiffany's other family members had already arrived and were seated when we showed up, so we didn't have much of a chance to meet and talk until later in the morning.

The service began. I don't know if funerals in Taiwan are typically run differently from funerals in America, or if it's just because this is the funeral of a family member (the only other family member funeral I had ever attended was my father's, during which I was still very young), but I quickly realized it was best to simply follow everyone else around me wearing identical black robes (which were provided to all family members). After all, their Chinese was certainly far better than mine.

We were asked to go to the back of the room for a private viewing. That's when it really hit me - I was now here, as Tiffany's husband, to honor her grandmother as my own grandmother. Even though I had never met her, I couldn't help but let a few tears fall from my eyes as I stood before Grandma next to Tiffany.

After the service, we had a brief break during which I got to meet several of Tiffany's relatives. Then, after the casket was shut, we lined up for the procession to the room where the body would be cremated. (Cremation is a standard practice in Taiwan regardless of religion). There was some time afterwards for us to go upstairs to the dining area, complete with a Family Mart - a popular convenience store in Taiwan. I got to meet and talk to some of Tiffany's cousins and aunts, and also had my first cup of coffee. It was probably only around 9 or 10 in the morning, but it felt like late afternoon already.

The next thing we knew, we were back downstairs to collect ashes in a jar. Then we headed over to the burial site which, despite the long shuttle ride, was at a beautiful hilltop overlooking the ocean. The cooler climate there was a welcome surprise given the heat and humidity Taiwan is known for at this time of the year. The whole family took a picture together there. While mourning, there was also a deep sense of peace. Grandma has lived a meaningful life and is now in heaven, free from all earthly sickness and suffering. I was deeply reminded of how frail and precious life is. This was the closest I've been to seeing a body cremated and buried in my adult life, and it makes me more thankful for each breath I have and eager to make the most out of it.

On the way back, we all stopped for lunch at a restaurant that reminded me of the oh-so-popular Cantonese-style cafes back at home. All the cousins sat together and enjoyed catching up or simply getting to know each other. If it weren't for the fact that everyone either lives far away or has high-priority plans already, we would definitely have arranged to spend more time together during our stay in Taiwan. I ordered a glass of milk tea to keep me awake despite being informed that there are much better milk tea and boba options in Taiwan. We were recommended to check out a store called "Milk Shop" for their drinks - something we certainly kept on our mental to-do list.

On the shuttle ride back, most people were fast asleep. I was wide awake, and it wasn't because of the caffeine. Growing up, I've always been one of those curious kids who kept his eyes peeled while in the car in fear of missing anything spectacular. For the most part, that hasn't really changed. The realization that I'm finally back in Taiwan is simply too exciting to sleep on. There's something truly beautiful about the endless hills covered in green and the intermingling of urban and rural cultures in Taiwan. And thanks to the fact that most street signs in Taiwan are also written in English, I was able to recognize several familiar landmarks from my previous visits.

We were dropped off at Shilin Station, where we said goodbye to those going separate ways. I'm not sure why we were dropped off there; as with many things today, I didn't have all the answers, but I knew it was wisest to simply play along until I had a better idea of what was going on. Mom, Dad, Angela, Aunt Rita, and I took a taxi back to Grandma's apartment, where Mom, Dad, and Aunt Rita were staying during their time in Taiwan. We turned on the oh-so-lovely air conditioning and took a break, eating some fruit and watching some TV. Then Tiffany and I decided to go to our hotel first to check in and start arranging plans for the remainder of our trip. Surprisingly, the hotel was within walking distance - just 10 minutes down the nearest major street. Mom walked with us there and joined us as we got settled into our room. We walked back to Grandma's apartment for a delicious Taiwanese take-out dinner, complete with stinky tofu, oyster noodle ("oamisua"), and porridge. Angela brought some wine, which we enjoyed after dinner as a simple toast to all of us actually being together in Taiwan.

On the way back to our hotel, Tiffany and I stopped by the Family Mart conveniently located around the corner to pick up some snacks, drinks, and mosquito repellant. We were both exhausted, but the excitement of being in Taiwan kept me going just long enough to get in touch with some of my relatives to start arranging plans for the next several days. As someone who typically plans things out well ahead of time, especially when it comes to being in an unfamiliar place, having to figure things out with so little time was definitely a challenge (and the cause of much of my stress in the days leading up to the trip.) But I quickly discovered that despite Tiffany and I not having cell phone plans in Taiwan, the Line app, which allows free international text messages and phone calls, is truly an incredible tool when combined with free wi-fi, which is available in our hotel and at just about every transportation hub in Taipei. Now that we were actually here in Taiwan, it's time to focus on enjoying the trip and taking it easy while letting the details get worked out one by one.

Day 2 (Sunday 8/12) - The Dandy Hotel's complementary breakfast was a great way to kick off the morning, with plenty of food choices plus the requiste tea/coffee to help us continue to fight our jetlag. We had some free time afterwards, during which we relaxed in our hotel room. We had planned to meet with Tiffany's family at the apartment to go have lunch together, and that 10-minute walk was more than enough to help us understand the power of pouring rain in Taiwan. Despite having an umbrella, we were both soaked by the time we arrived. Still, we were thankful that at least God kept the sky clear and blue all day yesterday as we honored Grandma and held off the rain until now.

We opted for taxi rides rather than walking to the MRT station as originally planned. Mom, Aunt Rita, Tiffany, and I met with Dad and Angela at Mitsui for a fancy multiple-course Japanese lunch. Dad had always loved telling us how good Japanese food in Taiwan is, and now we finally got to experience it in person. Sushi? Kobe beef? Hand rolls? Miso soup? This meal basically covered everything. Angela left near the end to proceed with further travel plans. (Tiffany is the only one in her immediate family that doesn't travel across the world frequently for business and other urgent matters, and given that my job also doesn't require any travelling, I guess it makes us a pretty good fit. But when given the opportunity to travel, we're definitely excited to do so!) With the rain gone, leaving us with pleasantly cooler weather, the rest of us enjoyed a leisurely walk to the nearby MRT station to catch a ride back.

Aunt Rita showed us how to use the MRT system, which definitely helped as Tiffany and I would be using it on our own over the next few days. The only downside was that even the nearest stations were a 20-minute walk from our hotel (and a slightly shorter walk from the apartment). But that's one thing I love about Taiwan - so many destinations are within walking distance, and walking is a part of everyday life that people simply accept and embrace rather than complain about.

Dad gave in to the temptation of stopping by Family Mart for some ice cream before returning to the apartment. From there, he would soon be heading out to China while Mom stayed to take care of things in the apartment before eventually returning to America. Tiffany and I soon went back to our hotel and took some time to relax. I treated myself to a shower; being nice and clean in an air-conditioned room definitely made it seem like a fresh new day - a great way to transition our trip to spending time with various relatives on my side of the family.

Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Johnny came to pick us up in the evening as planned. We arrived at our dinner location early and went for some ice cream down the street at I-Mei. Dinner was traditional Taiwanese cuisine, topped with some good ol' Taiwan Beer. Harry, Catherine, and Uncle Tim (Aunt Jennifer's younger brother who happened to be in town too) joined us as well. Afterwards, we all went to the famous Ice Monster for some shaved snow. To avoid the long wait for seats, we opted for take-out and instead went to Uncle Tim's unbelievably fancy suite in the Regent Taipei hotel to enjoy it. Harry suggested meeting up again later in the week if we were available, and I began trying to arrange accordingly.

Day 3 (Monday 8/13) - During breakfast at the hotel, we were treated to some live violin music (which apparently happens every Monday morning) consisting of several internationally known classic tunes. It helped set a relaxing mood for a day we knew would be busy thanks to a one-day trip to Kaohsiung and back. Aside from Saturday, this was probably the most important day of the trip - a special opportunity to bring Tiffany to visit my grandparents on my father's side for the first time.

Thanks to Taiwan's convenient transportation systems, getting from the north side to the south side and back in a single day was no problem. We played it safe and took the MRT to Taipei Main Station well ahead of the High Speed Rail's departure time. That gave us some time to wander around the station's humongous underground shopping area and find our way to the HSR terminal. The HSR ride was about an hour and a half long. Tiffany seized the opportunity to enjoy a nap. Despite me not sleeping well last night (thanks to jetlag making me wide awake in the middle of the night and unable to fall back asleep), I couldn't help but stay awake, enjoying the scenery from the window.

Upon arrival at the Zuoying Station, we found Uncle Di waiting for us in front of Starbucks as planned. He had kindly taken the day off work to pick us up and show us around Kaohsiung. Our first destination - my grandparents' home. I still vaguely remember being there almost a decade ago when I last went to Taiwan. It was definitely good to be back, and even more so now that Tiffany was with me. Grandma and Grandpa were excited to see us, and Grandma had prepared a delicious lunch for us. Also there was cousin Daniel, who is now, amazingly, already in college. During lunch and afterwards, we all had a great time chatting and catching up, bringing back past memories, introducing Tiffany to the family (she had never met any relatives on my dad's side until now), and celebrating the fact that we were all here together.

Uncle Di took Tiffany, Daniel, and me out to the Port of Kaohsiung, where we walked around the pier, visited some shops, and took some pictures. There was a little rain - just enough to keep the temperature cool but not so much that it hindered our enjoyment of being outdoors. Next, we went to the British Consulate. Getting there required walking up an incredibly high flight of stairs. But like I said before, walking is an everyday part of Taiwanese culture. Besides, all of my dad's brothers have extensive military experience and training, so I had already warned Tiffany that they wouldn't shy away from physically demanding destinations.

Upon arrival, I immediately recognized the historic brick building from one of my previous visits to Taiwan. We took advantage of the scenery to catch some photos and enjoyed some rose-infused tea from the cafe around the corner. We also enjoyed getting attacked by Taiwan's notoriously viscious mosquitoes. But hey, it's all part of the experience, right?

Back at my grandparents' home, we met with Aunt Vivien (Daniel's mom), then proceeded to dinner, where we also met with the rest of Uncle Di's family. The big dinner reunion took place at a restaurant familiar to Southern California residents - Din Tai Fung. Yes, it's originally from Taiwan (the original store is in Taipei). Yes, it's just as popular as it is in Arcadia. Yes, the food and ambience are very similar. But of course, things can't be exactly the same, right? Apparently the Din Tai Fung in Taiwan makes and sells their own pineapple cakes!

After dinner, we all took a big group picture together. Then we went our separate ways. Aunt Vivien took us back to the HSR station, and Daniel walked down with us and wandered around a little longer before saying goodbye. Tiffany and I were both exhausted by the time we returned to our hotel. But it had certainly been an exciting day, and with plans now confirmed for the next couple days, we had plenty more to look forward to after a good night's sleep.

Day 4 (Tuesday 8/14) - Slight changes in the breakfast buffet menu every morning made each morning a new experience. We left our hotel for the MRT station at around the same time as yesterday. But this time we had no plans until 12:30, giving us a few hours to go wherever we wanted to. This was pretty much the only chunk of time on the entire trip that we didn't make plans with anybody else in. Tiffany and I both agreed that given the extremely limited amount of time on this trip, which meant that there would certainly be many things that would remain unchecked on our bucket list, our priority this time was to meet and spend time with family members, even if it meant having very little time to explore on our own.

Thanks to the Taipei MRT's day-pass option (which comes at a surprisingly reasonable cost), we had the freedom to go anywhere within walking distance of a station and make as many stops as we wanted without any additional transportation costs. There was occasional rain, but again it was more of a blessing in that it helped keep the weather cool.

Our first destination - Taipei 101. Tiffany had never been there, so we figured it was worth stopping by for a few pictures outside. Then we went to the legendary Chia Te bakery to grab some goodies to bring home. Next, we took a quick walk by the Keelung River and snapped a few photos on the Rainbow Bridge. With a little time left (and thanks to convenient wi-fi access on the MRT trains and at the stations that allowed us to do some on-the-spot research), we made one last stop - a quest for the mysterious Milk Shop (which, despite having many branches, had up to now managed to stay entirely out of our sight.) Admittedly, I got lost at first, and for a moment was unsure if we would actually be able to find our way there from the station. But thankfully, we found ourselves heading in the right direction, and despite the longer-than-expected walk and the increasingly stronger rain, we spotted our target in the distance and rewarded ourselves with a few amazing cups of boba (more commonly called "pearl" in Taiwan) milk tea.

We then met up with Harry outside Gangqian Station and had lunch together at Formosa Chang. It's good to know that one of Harry's favorite destinations for Taiwanese minced pork rice and other classic dishes carries my family name. He ordered a variety of dishes, each of which was amazing. Afterwards, he dropped us off at the popular Miramar shopping mall for the afternoon since he had other plans already (our decision to hang out more after Monday's dinner was rather spontaneous, and we're glad things were able to work out). Tiffany and I wandered around the multi-story mall and took some pictures with the iconic rooftop Ferris wheel. We didn't actually buy anything, since most of the mall consisted of brand names also popular in America, and things weren't actually any cheaper than back at home. We did, however, pick up a few goodies across the street at the huge Carrefour convenience/grocery store.

Harry returned with Catherine to pick us up for dinner at My Zau, a popular restaurant combining traditional Taiwanese cuisine with a modern flare. Then he took us out for drinks - yes, alcoholic drinks. The last time I saw Harry prior to this trip, I was probably still too young to appreciate adult beverages. Well, now we're all grown up and things have changed. We went to PS Tapas Smoke House, where Harry knew the owner One and introduced him to us. Harry also invited his producer friend Anthony to join us. Apparently Spanish tapas are quite popular in Taiwan. Harry's definitely right in pointing out their close resemblance to Taiwanese beer snacks. We tried a variety of drinks - sherry drinks, whisky drinks, unusual mixes such as red wine with mushroom... several drinks and shots later, we found out that One's birthday was yesterday and that there was a cake prepared for him. Then we realized that Anthony's birthday was on the 5th and I added that Tiffany's birthday was on the 6th. Needless to say, things turned into a party. Many of us didn't even know each other, and most people certainly didn't know we flew in from the other side of the Pacific Ocean to be there. But when singing the universally known "Happy Birthday" with a good amount of alcohol in our systems, none of that mattered.

Tiffany and I had not intended to stay out very late, but time definitely flew by. It was probably around 11:30 already when we left, and the only reason we left then was that the MRT would stop running at midnight, leaving us just enough time to walk to the nearest station and make it back on time.

Day 5 (Wednesday 8/15) - We were definitely a little short on sleep thanks to last night's events. But it didn't really matter; this is the last actual day of our trip, and we're going to make it count. Tomorrow we would leave for the airport early in the morning and head back home. That left us with one last breakfast downstairs in the hotel, which we certainly enjoyed. We also went to visit Grandma's apartment one last time to say hi and bye to Tiffany's parents who were still there. Despite everyone's busy schedules, it was great to have gathered together as a family on this trip. And we can't help but continue to thank them for having helped us arrange just about all of the necessary logistics of the trip so that we could simply fly in, be present at the important gatherings, plan our free time however we liked, and fly back home.

Not long after we returned to our hotel room, Uncle Hwei arrived to pick us up. There's no such thing as a boring day when going out with Uncle Hwei - He knows all about the countless attractions in Taiwan - fun activities, historical significance, best regional cuisines, you name it. Last night he had sent us an itinerary of what he had planned for the day. I admitted to him after he picked us up that I actually couldn't understand the majority of it since it was sent as a picture and couldn't be pasted into a translation app. But I was confident we wouldn't be disappointed.

We went to Neihu, near where we had been yesterday, and visited Dahu Park, complete with its iconic bridge across the lake. Then we drove up into the mountains and went on a small hike across the Baishihu Suspension Bridge, enjoying a glimpse of Taiwan's natural setting which somehow coexists so beautifully with the cities. To our surprise the trail led to a small bakery, where we enjoyed some fresh-made tom yum, rice crackers, jam, and plum vinegar while gazing at a beautiful view. The walk back led us to a small lake shaped like a heart, followed by a scary but amazing encounter with a spider just next to the trail that was nearly half a foot long. As Taiwanese-Americans in California, it's easy to forget we come from a tropical island where arachnids and insects often come in mind-blowing colors and sizes.

Our next stop was Bihu Park, a scenic park with a lake just down the street from Uncle Hwei's home. We stopped by his home for a quick visit, too. Then came lunch - yes, all this happened only during the morning hours! This was the only activity in the day that I had intentionally expressed interest in when Uncle Hwei originally asked if there was anything particular we wanted to do. Since Tiffany and I both love stinky tofu and she had never experienced stinky tofu in Taiwan prior to this trip, I wanted to let her try the best of the best - at the famous Shenkeng Old Street. Uncle Hwei had taken me there many years ago, so I knew he would be familiar with the place. We enjoyed a walk down the historic street, found a restaurant for lunch, and ate probably the best and stinkiest stinky tofu we've ever had. We could have eaten a lot more, but since we heard there was a big dinner buffet planned, we decided to not overindulge.

Then we headed toward Yilan County to explore its famous hot springs. Yes, one thing many Taiwan visitors don't know is that there are various regions filled with natural hot springs. (Since so many people think we Asians are overachievers, doesn't it make sense for us to have a natural way of relieving our stress?) Our first stop was Water Geothermal Square. We made a quick detour to the historic Tiansongpi Railway Station for a bathroom break and some pictures. Unfortunately, after a long drive, it turned out that Water Geothermal Square was closed for renovation. Uncle Hwei, with his adventurous spirit, drove right past the road block and took us in anyway. There wasn't much to see, but we did get an interesting geography lesson on how the hot springs are used for power, relaxation, and even cooking.

Of course, one closed destination didn't stop Uncle Hwei from coming up with a backup plan. Yes, it involved hot springs too. But this time there was a little twist - fish! We went to Tangweigou Hot Spring Park, where there were several hot springs to choose from, most of which came with fish - little fish that nibble at your feet while you sit like a boss and enjoy life. We chose one that not only had a large covering to shield us from the rain (allowing us to take lots of pictures), but also had several different pools with different kinds of fish to choose from. I guess people who do this often enough are particular about the kind of fish that make contact with their toes. Hot spring fish were a fresh new concept to Tiffany and me, but we certainly enjoyed the experience. Yes, it tickled a little and took some getting used to. But even with our limited time, I found it quite therapeutic.

Our final destination was dinner - yes, the buffet. Up to this point, we had seen at least one person in all but one of my father's four siblings' families. That's where Uncle Ming comes in - and he's the one that arranged this dinner for us. Due to heavy traffic, we arrived at the Howard Plaza Hotel later than planned. But that didn't stop all of us from enjoying a great time chatting and catching up over an amazing meal consisting of an endless supply of seafood, steak, and a variety of dishes representing various Asian cuisines.

Back in our hotel room, it was time for Tiffany and I to pack everything up so we would be ready to leave in the morning. There had been so much to do over the past several days that we didn't even have a chance to enjoy the snacks and drinks we bought at Family Mart on our first night. We also had an unopened bottle of wine, which Angela bought after dinner that night but was eventually left for us to enjoy. She's going to be surprised when she finds that same bottle in our apartment at home the next time she visits!

Day 6 (Thursday 8/16) - As quickly as it came, it's already over. We woke up, ate a quick and small breakfast in our room, then checked out of the hotel and went to the airport. There was enough time for us to enjoy a little more food before getting on the plane (which, apparently, was one of Eva Air's highly coveted Hello Kitty planes). Then we were gone, high up in the sky flying back to Los Angeles.

It's definitely strange being back home and picking up right where we had left off a week ago. Did the trip really happen, or was it all just a dream? Sometimes, it's really hard to tell. But as with every one of my past encounters with Taiwan, I have been changed. Through all the mourning, all the laughing, connecting with the past, and embracing the present, I've become much more thankful for who I am. Tiffany and I can only imagine what things will look like when we return to Taiwan again someday. (And yes, we're both hopeful that when that happens, we would be traveling with more than just the two of us!) But for now, we've come to further appreciate life, marriage, and family, and we're refreshed and eager to face whatever is ahead.

08/07: Life is full of surprises. Good surprises, bad surprises, exciting surprises, crazy surprises... It can be very frustrating for a control freak like me to realize just how little control I have over things and situations around me. But at the same time, surrendering control can also lead to newly opened doors.

Long story short, Tiffany's grandmother in Taiwan passed away recently. Unfortunately, I never got a chance to meet her, and Tiffany had not seen her in many years. We're very thankful that she is now free from her frail physical health and, most importantly, with Jesus to spend eternity. But when her family offered to fly us to Taiwan to attend the memorial service, we couldn't help but feel like we should do our best to be there. Surprisingly, despite the last-minute notices, both of us were able to get an entire week off work. This opened the door for us to not only attend Grandma's memorial service, but also spend some time together back in Taiwan - something we've never done before but have always wanted to do.

Sure, one week isn't nearly long enough for an actual vacation in Taiwan, and we're certainly not looking forward to the jetlag. However, going to Taiwan for us isn't as much about enjoying a vacation as it is about reuniting with family members we don't get to see often. I have yet to meet some of Tiffany's relatives in Taiwan, and she has yet to meet pretty much all my relatives on my dad's side. Soon, that's all going to change.

Of course, given the time difference, language barrier (we can both speak and understand Mandarin, but have very limited reading ability and almost no writing ability), and short notice of the trip, the planning process has definitely been a challenge. Add to that a slew of unwelcome surprises at home that leave me feeling like I'm constantly wasting my time, and things right now feel like a complete disaster. There's so much to do and so much to be frustrated at that right now that a part of me is wishing all this never happened. And it's heartbreaking to realize that, with a precious opportunity set before me to return to Taiwan for the first time in over nine years, plus go there together with my wife for the first time, I really can't even say I'm looking forward to the trip at all

But I'm pretty sure that will eventually change. The fact is that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and one of the most challenging and frustrating things in life is to be stripped of the ability to use our strengths and forced to face our weaknesses. This past week has forced me to work under circumstances that I would usually avoid at pretty much all costs. I've had to deal with people that were nothing short of idiotic in the way they handled situations. And I've had to learn a very important lesson - to let go and not insist that everything lies within my grasp. Yes, good planning and maintaining control are important. But that's not the only way to live life. And as much as I despise this reality, I must learn to face it.

I'm sure this trip will be worthwhile in many ways. And I'm sure Tiffany and I will both back to continue on with our lives, no matter how many things are beyond our grasp now. Whatever happens, I've done what I can, and only time will tell the rest. It's time for me to shut up, let go, and learn to have some fun.

07/01: I have jokingly told several people before that if I were to write them a card for their 33rd birthday, it would start with the following words-

"When Jesus was 33 years old, He died on the cross for the sins of the whole world. What have YOU accomplished in 33 years?"

Well, the time has finally come for me to get a taste of my own medicine. Yes, I've reached the number that marks one-third of the way to a century. And yes, I've reached the age when Jesus gave up His own life, faced inconceivable pain, injustice, and sorrow, and fulfilled God's great purpose for His human life and for all of humanity. Of course, God's work is not limited by a person's age; the Bible is filled with examples of people much younger than 33 and people much older than 33 doing great things for God. But it's clear that 33 years is sufficient for a person to be equipped as a mature adult to do God's work. And that prompts me to take some time to evaluate my life up to this point and consider how I've equipped myself to live a truly meaningful life.

The short answer? I really haven't. Yes, I've spent many years going to church and received a college degree. I'm married and have a stable career. I have plans to have kids and buy a home, all while remaining committed to my faith in God. I understand that God created me for a purpose and can easily recite good Christian answers for most life decisions and important questions. But all those things are really no indication that I actually have a good grasp of what my life is all about.

The older I get, the more I see how easy it is to get carried away by the typical patterns of the world, driven by the common goals of the world, and tempted by the common pleasures of the world, all while blindsighted by a seemingly all-encompassing and sufficient Christian mask. At the age of 33, Jesus not only knew His specific purpose, but was ready to die to accomplish it. It's not that His death was by any means easy or painless. But His sense of purpose was so clear that He let it unwaveringly take precedence over His worldly comfort.

So what am I here for? I'm not talking about general answers like "to give God glory", "to be successful", or "to live a good life". What am I - not people in general, not Christians in general, but I as a unique individual - here for? God doesn't waste resources or do meaningless things; if I don't have a unique role in this world, He wouldn't have bothered making me and putting me here in the first place. So why did He create me specifically to be here living this life?

The last time I truly explored the idea of purpose was back in college - a journey that ultimately led to my decision to study music professionally. I'm glad to say that today I'm continuing to build on that foundation by using music as a ministry, as a hobby, and as a side job. But even something as powerful as music, which plays such a crucial role in my life, fails to adequately define me. On one hand, I know exactly who I am - a child of God, made to worship Him and find pleasure in Him, with an eternal destiny in heaven. But how is it that such a glorious and life-changing reality can be kept tucked away in a corner in the back of my head with little or no impact on my daily life? My attitudes, actions, thoughts, decisions, and priorities typically reflect nothing more than those of a typical person grinding along day after day with no sense of purpose.

What, truly, are my giftings? My passions? My primary areas of ministry? My greatest strengths and weaknesses that God intends to use fully for His glory? In this fallen world, there are far too many distractions and problems caused by worldly imperfections and my own sin nature. And until I start filtering out all those things to the best of my ability (and by God's guidance), I'll never be able to see clearly. What am I really living for? What would I be willing to die for?

I'm definitely posing more questions for myself now than providing answers. But asking the right questions is a crucial starting point for finding the right answers. Rather than focusing on what I've accomplished (or failed to accomplish) in 33 years, I should really be asking myself, "what WILL you accomplish this year?"

What things in my life need to be placed at a higher priority? What things in my life do I need to die to? What things in my life do I need to truly start living for? These things will help lay a proper foundation for my life, and I must ask myself these questions and actively seek answers daily. As I begin a new year in my life - the life that God has uniquely created for me, I pray that I will faithfully commit to letting Him purify my heart, renew my mind, and help me discover the true joy of letting Him write my life's story.