04/21: If I had to sum up Easter in one word, it would be “life”. Easter is a celebration of life - life that God created and life that we have through Christ. Life is so frail, yet so amazing. It’s so challenging, yet so valuable. This Easter, I’ve come to understand and appreciate God’s gift of life more deeply than I ever have before.

Shortly after I woke up this morning, I received the news that my grandma had passed away overnight. Immediately I went to join the rest of my family and made it in time to see her already lifeless body lying so peacefully and so quietly in her bed. Grandma had always been a role model; as a child, I recall her attending classes to learn English as an adult, taking daily walks in the neighborhood and being a friend to neighbors, and cooking delicious food while encouraging a healthy lifestyle. She set an example of love, which each of her four children, including Mom, carried out faithfully. Even as her health grew weak in recent years until she became almost incapable of speech or movement, they never gave up on her or sent her away, instead choosing to serve her at home. Today, they can rest assured that their love had sustained grandma until her last breath. At the age of 97, she has left this world knowing she has loved others and been greatly loved, and is now in heaven with the Lord, free of all discomfort and suffering.

I had known that grandma was in her final days and had actually planned to visit her this morning. She passed away just hours before I would have arrived. My original plan was to bring Tiffany with me too, but I had known that it would not happen; on Tuesday, Tiffany went to the hospital and gave birth to our son, Amias David Chang, who arrived over two weeks earlier than planned. Witnessing the process of giving birth is truly a life-changing experience, one that reminds me to always commit to loving Tiffany, our son, and the Lord who brought us all together. The very fact that a human child can be formed in the womb of a woman is sufficient evidence that life must not be an accident. In fact, I believe it would take more faith to believe that life is an accident that it does to believe that there is a divine being orchestrating it all.

I had planned to write much more about Amias once we’ve all taken some time to get settled into our new lifestyle and will do so at a later time. I had wished that grandma would remain with us long enough to meet her first great-grandson. Unfortunately that’s not going to happen in this world. But I know that everything is in God’s timing. As a Christian, Easter is the celebration of Christ’s resurrection which brings life to those who believe in Him. There’s no better day for grandma to be resurrected to heaven with Jesus. And there’s no better day to reflect on the intricate beauty of a newborn baby’s life. Whether it’s the beginning of a person’s life or the end of it, God is the one who sustains every breath and gives it meaning. Because He lives, we too can live - and rejoice.

04/12: It's already been almost a month since I started working at DWP. Each day gives me more reason to be thankful, for both small things and big things. Somehow I've been assigned a cubicle with a penthouse-level window view that includes the Hollywood sign, Griffith Observatory, and the ocean (on a clear day). Honestly, it's more relaxing to take my breaks and lunches in front of my window than to use the actual break room with no view. As for the work I'm doing, it's certainly interesting even though I haven't received all the access and trainings necessary to perform my duties yet. The people are great too - even though at times our work can be very busy, there's always time for a casual chat or some good laughs so that work doesn't get the best of us. Oh, and there's no need for me to build another "quartz" countertop like I did in my previous cubicle; there's huge communal snack counter just around the corner, and on most days it's actually not empty!

Sometimes, it's hard to understand God's plans and purposes while going through challenges. Leaving my first City job over two years ago was a difficult decision to make (and one that was beyond my control). But it was that move that gave me the specific experience necessary to become a desirable candidate for my current job. The unexpected financial problems that rose from my home purchase last year gave me great stress, and even now I'm still learning to let go of all the frustration and anger that continue to torment me. But it was that situation that sparked the desire, actions, and prayers that ultimately got me into DWP.

And yes, being here is truly a blessing. My supervisor is very understanding of my need to take time off for the coming baby, even though I felt really bad having to break the news to her only days after my employment began. This week I received my first overtime opportunity thanks to a rush project, allowing me to spend my regular day off in the office and earn enough extra pay to balance out the shortage from Tiffany's leave. My increased regular salary and improved benefits together now make it possible for us to provide infant care to the baby without having to drastically reduce expenses to make ends meet.

Sure, this job isn't perfect, and it wouldn't be right for me to ever expect any job to be. But the benefits far outweigh the challenges and sacrifices. I still have much to learn, but I'm thankful for the opportunity to do what I do; because this position involves working with staff in every division and understanding their responsibilities, it's a great way to get to know people and gain Departmental knowledge that would be helpful in future promotions. Not that I'm already thinking about moving forward again; while it's good to seize opportunities to move forward, it's no less important to make the most of where I am now. And right now, that's exactly what I need to do. I really look forward to learning more, doing more, building new relationships, and striving to live each day at work as an act of worship to God.

04/10: As hard as it is to believe, the baby's due date is less than a month away. I admit (and have honestly told Tiffany several times) that over the past several months, the reality of becoming parents hadn't hit me nearly as hard as it should. It's probably because I've had so many other things to worry about, and also because, well, I'm not the one physically carrying the baby. Still, I've tried, and am constantly learning, to be fully supportive of Tiffany, especially in these most recent weeks as her burden becomes noticeably heavier. Her maternity leave begins in a bit over a week, meaning from then on our primary focus will be on doing whatever we can to prepare for the baby's smooth arrival.

Being the control freak that I am, I typically try to play a lead role (with Tiffany's input of course) in decisions regarding our home, our relationship, or our future. But I'm truly thankful that when it comes to baby-related things, Tiffany has done the bulk of the work (if not pretty much all of the work) while I focused on getting things situated in our condo and transitioning to my new job. She was the one that researched baby names, visited infant care centers, compiled our registry, and provided input to the coordinators for our baby showers. Yes, we had more than one shower, thanks to friends and family members who were truly willing to go out of their way to celebrate and help us prepare for the baby's arrival. Both showers were on the same weekend, and we ended up with so many gifts that it took over a week to open them all during our limited free time on weeknights. We're truly blessed and truly humbled, and we'll be sure to communicate to our son just how blessed he is. I pray also that we'll learn, and also teach our son, to be generous to others just as so many people have been incredibly generous to us. Yes, we've picked a name for our son already. We announced it at the baby showers, but if you weren't there, then you're going to have to wait to find out.

I have to be honest and say that despite a stratospheric amount of things to learn and do in preparation of becoming parents, one of my biggest struggles has been from receiving too much advice and information. I've long known that men have a tendency to offer more advice than what's actually desired. (Trust me - sit down with a group of men and tell them you're working on a simple fix in your car. You'll hear a flood of advice and opinions long before having a chance to explain that you actually already know what to do. It's almost comical once you've identified this tendency.) I'm not at all dismissing the fact that the advice is usually motivated by genuine concern, especially from those who have been through similar journeys. And that's why I'm not surprised that when it comes to pregnancy, many women I know suddenly become just like typical men. I'm sure Tiffany takes it in a lot better, and I do my best to give her the time and space to do so. But as a stereotypical single-minded, compartmentalized man, my suggestion (at least when it comes to talking to the husband) is that if you really want to help someone, sometimes it's best to treat them like adults rather than pretend to be their parents. Just let them know you're available and have advice to offer, then let them respond accordingly. This is especially important when it comes to cultural beliefs, statistics, childcare preferences, and other things in which there isn't a definite right or wrong way. As Tiffany's OBGYN so wisely told us, it's best to stop worrying about all those things and just relax; being relaxed is itself an excellent approach to a smooth pregnancy and delivery!

It's also been quite overwhelming just how often people talk to me and, bypassing all other concerns or greetings, simply jump to questions like "When's the due date?" or "Do you have a hospital bag ready?" This reminds me of one of the biggest reasons I felt increasingly distant from my church community during high school: Leaders and peers always made the assumption that I needed prayer regarding my grades, to the point where it often deprived me of the ability to share about what areas I truly needed prayer and support in, including my own spiritual walk. Whether I'm a person in school, a person getting married, a person going through a crisis, or a person about to become a parent, in the end I'm still, well, a person. Again, I understand that people's questions are motivated by genuine concern, not to mention knowledge of where I am in life. But no life event should be so great that it entirely overshadows a person's individuality, and I would truly appreciate it if more people can simply ask me how I'm doing and let me initiate the conversation from there rather than make assumptions and leave me with no choice but to play along.

Anyway, this entry isn't supposed to be a rant, but simply a reflection of where I am now in preparation for the baby's arrival. Most people seem to agree that the first child typically comes later than expected. But again, that's one of those statistics that's counterproductive to dwell on, since there are plenty of exceptions and every case is going to be different. At this point, we're doing whatever we can to get ready, and I'm glad that for the most part, we've already done what we could. The baby's room is fully furnished. Clothes, diapers, and other essentials are ready. Our hospital bag is pretty much packed. We have a stroller and a car seat ready.

We've also taken a tour of the hospital and attended a couple of those oh-so-important baby care classes. I'm truly thankful for those classes; to be honest, if I were left to figure out how to take care of the baby on my own, I don't think he would survive for very long. My own logic would have told me to immediately feed him a combination of water (which is essential to life) and baby food (because, well, he's a baby). Apparently that's all wrong. For those of us who haven't had a baby before, when we think of babies, we typically think of those who are at least a few months old, simply because newborns usually don't get brought out in public often. Apparently a lot happens during the first month or two after birth that's completely foreign to me. And the knowledge from those classes will certainly play a crucial role as I learn to care for my baby. (Thinking about it now, maybe I should try taking a few classes on raising plants too. It might explain the reasons almost every plant I've tried to grow - succulents included - ends up dying.)

One more thing I've learned from the classes is the intricacy of creation. The mother's body is designed to not only create the baby, but also to produce milk to support the baby, and that milk is specially designed to fit his/her needs. The baby's skull is designed to be flexible to fit through the womb and will harden over time. Various other body parts will evolve quickly after birth to adapt to life apart from the umbilical cord. The more I learn, the more I see just how amazing it all is, and it reinforces my belief that there's a God who divinely designed and orchestrates every step of life.

As an adult, I admit I've become quite distant from childhood and far more so from infancy. I've become accustomed to evaluating everything through the lens of an adult, which, while often good, isn't always the right thing to do. I'm not the kind of person who's naturally drawn to children, and to be entirely honest, I don't personally think of babies as particularly attractive or cute just because they're small (even though pretty much every other person on this planet does). During my college days, a friend of mine used to often say that she didn't like kids because "kids are stupid". At the time, I thought her words were quite harsh. But over the years as I became increasingly sucked into adulthood, learning to be tough and fight to survive and succeed, I actually came to understand her opinion much more clearly. Somewhere inside, I managed to convince myself that in my quest to live life to the fullest, children were essentially additional burdens that distracted from my focus, prone to trouble and not yet able to rationalize properly like an adult.

Thankfully, I never was againt the idea of having a kid myself. I kind of thought of it just like I thought of dating and marriage (prior to meeting Tiffany) - I'm not necessary wishing for it to happen as soon as possible, but when the time comes, I'll gladly embrace it. Each step of life will have challenges, but it will also be rewarding. And while I should do my part to prepare, I must also trust God completely, because in each journey He leads me on He will certainly provide the resources for me to complete it. The funny thing is that even while Tiffany and I were in our first year of dating, my friend from college that once disliked kids already got married and had - you guessed it - a kid. That proves one of the few pieces of parenting advice given to me that I believe is absolutely true and have always held very close to heart - Having a baby is going to completely turn my life around.

As for whether that's a good thing or bad thing, I'll find out in about a month. I'm definitely concerned and definitely scared, but also definitely excited. Mom had once given me the precious reminder that if God is giving us a son, then surely He has good intentions for him and will provide the means for us to properly raise him. With that in mind, I will take courage and eagerly look forward to what He has in store for all of us.

03/13: This is it - my final week working in LA's Housing and Community Investment Department. Many co-workers have asked me what's going through my head, and I told them I honestly have mixed feelings. Yes, I'm excited to take a big step forward in my career. But having been here for just over a year, I really didn't plan on leaving this soon.

Then again, a year ago I didn't even think I'd be staying here this long. I've told many of my co-workers that I left my original position in the Bureau of Sanitation only because circumstances beyond my supervisor and manager's control made it unrealistic for me to wait for an internal promotion as originally planned. But one thing I never mentioned is that from even before I left, I had considered the option of finishing my six-month Management Analyst probation then immediately looking for transfer opportunities to return to Sanitation. The great work environment, the great people I've met there, and the heavy emphasis on helping employees grow both as an employee and as an individual all made it difficult for me to say goodbye. In addition, the many negative things I heard about where I was going made it difficult for me to embrace the new opportunity.

I won't deny that the things people had told me proved to be true in many ways. And the longer I work here, the more I see it for myself. But starting a new job with a negative mindset made it difficult for me to fully settle into the new work environment. I managed to keep convincing myself ever-so-subtly that this job would only be temporary, and so I didn't invest in building relationships nearly as much as I should have. Sure, there's a lot here that I personally don't like or agree with, especially compared to where I came from. But over time, I got used to it. After all, there are hundreds of other people around me working in the same place who are surviving just fine. And given that I'm one of those increasingly hard-to-find people who deeply values commitment, I naturally concluded that because things here weren't exactly life-threatening, there was no need to bail myself out.

Yes, I can think of a lot of areas where improvement is desperately needed. But the truth is that no workplace will ever be perfect. And even if it is, new situations or new staff will eventually change that. In many ways, the overall work environment here reminds me of my old job in freight forwarding. But honestly, this is ten times better. During the more stressful periods, I"ve jokingly but honestly mentioned to co-workers that as long as I get to go home on time every day (which I do, because it's a City job), I really have no right to complain. After all, during work hours, I'm being paid to actually do work.

And speaking of doing work, one thing that amazed me most about this job is just how much I've actually enjoyed the work and how much I've learned and am continuing to learn. It's quite rare that someone like me with no degree or prior experience in the legal field gets to do so much hands-on work involving attorneys, court cases, warrants, and legal analysis. I've also gained a lot of knowledge about the world of residential real estate, which came in handy both when I lived in my rented apartment and when I purchased a new home. Having to understand the thought processes of those who have gone to law school and get paid two to three times more than me has helped me gain not only knowledge and experience, but also personal growth. Most importantly, the work I've done has been part of a much bigger picture of helping landlords comply with laws giving tenants proper living conditions. Having been a tenant myself for most of the time I've worked here, I understand the effects of being left helpless when my apartment wasn't properly managed and there was nothing I could do about it. It's great being part of a cause that I not only support but also understand through firsthand experience.

It was my interest in the work that really kept me going through the many challenges of working here and convinced me that trying to retreat back to my old Department wouldn't be necessary. But ironically, despite my decision to stop thinking of this job as merely a temporary step, it ended up lasting even less time than my previous job. Of course, the reasons I'm leaving are different from anything I would have imagined when I first started here. Still, I really didn't expect to go so soon.

And that brings me to my last point - every job opportunity, just like many other things in life, is a unique experience. Each experience comes with its pros and cons, but in the end, you'll never walk away from it empty-handed. Rarely do people climb successfully up their career ladders by always sitting in the same position. While excessive movement may point to a lack of commitment and may be frowned upon, a reasonable amount of movement, especially when clearly justifiable, allows you to be in a new environment, build new relationships, and gain new experience that can all be beneficial in the long run. Over the past year, my eyes were opened to just how much movement takes place around me. I was amazed at how many people I've crossed paths with, with both here and previously, received promotional opportunities (often to DWP). And now, it's my turn to take the big leap forward.

Based on the description of my new upcoming job and the questions asked during the interview, I'm certain that I would not have been selected as a suitable candidate if it weren't for the experience I've gained here at HCIDLA. It's truly amazing how God sovereignly leads me through each step of life. A decade ago, I was a college graduate with absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life and, frankly, no motivation to grow up and find my place in the working world. Over the years, one step at a time, God has graciously transformed me into a married man working in a professional environment with not only enough pay to justify buying a home but also plenty of future advancement opportunities. I'm truly thankful, truly humbled, and truly amazed. May His will continue to be done.