06/11: My college years were characterized by the freedom to explore new places and the excitement of going just about anywhere I was physically capable of going. Much of that spirit was born as a result of having a scooter - Yes, one of those toy kick-scooters that kids like to do tricks with. Sure, it made me look like a nerd. But it took me much farther than most of my friends thought was possible without a car or bus. Plus, it saved me on several occasions when I had very limited time between classes to return to the dorms for food or when I realized at the last minute that I was late for an exam. It was much safer than a skateboard, especially when going downhill or making sudden stops. It was also much more portable than a bicycle, allowing me to carry it everywhere without worrying about it getting stolen or vandalized.

As far as I could see at the time, there was really only one downside of the scooter - it couldn't go uphill - at least not without so much frantic kicking that it would be easier just to walk while pushing or carrying it. For years I dreamt of having something with the portability of a scooter or skateboard but the power to propel itself on inclines. Yes, there were a few electric skateboards and scooters on the market. But they were either too underpowered or too heavy, not to mention absurdly expensive. (Remember, this was a time when nobody had iPhones and Facebook and Twitter were still brand new ideas). Anything better, it seemed, would be defying the unbreakable laws of physics.

Over a decade later, the world has changed. The streets near my office are now littered with rentable electric scooters that, for a negligable cost, can carry people across Downtown L.A. in minutes. Some people love them and others hate them, but the fact is they stand as solid proof that electric scooter technology is now not only reliable, but also affordable. I haven't tried riding one of those rental e-scooters yet despite the temptation, but now I no longer need to. A couple weeks ago, I finally got my own Glion Dolly 215 scooter, and since then I've been enjoying it almost daily on my commute to/from work.

05/20: You're given an entire month in which you don't have to report to work but still get your regular pay. But there are some rules. First, you must stay home and not go out unless it's necessary. (Sorry, that means no travelling the world or partying every night!) Second, you must always be available to care for and serve your family day and night, doing what is in its best interest. The rest of the time is all yours. How would you spend it?

That question changed my life. Upon the birth of baby Amias, I began my month-long paternity leave to be spent caring for him, supporting Tiffany, and enjoying quality time together as a family. Thanks to having saved up enough vacation and sick time, money (which is often one of my biggest sources of stress) is not a problem. Learning to care for a newborn certainly isn't easy, though. We've all heard horror stories of sleepless nights, unbearable crying, and messes that occur when diapers fail to do their job. Tiffany and I have already had multiple encounters with all three. And if it weren't for all the extra time we got to have together away from work and other regular commitments, I don't know how we would have balanced the challenges of newborn care, the need to continue growing in our marriage, and the importance of maintaining our own sanity.

This might simply be a guy thing, but despite clearly understanding and fully believing that parenting is a job for both mother and father, I'm amazed at how tempting it is to leave most of the hands-on work to the mother while focusing on important but less engaging things such as completing paperwork and purchasing supplies. Tiffany chose to take the breastfeeding path, which, while providing nutritional benefits for the baby, requires a lot more work on her part. In the beginning, there were a few nights when I heard Tiffany get up to feed Amias but simply chose to keep sleeping, justifying my decision by concluding that there wasn't much I could do to help since I wasn't blessed with the gift of producing milk. Well, it turned out there actually was a lot I could do to help, so I reluctantly gave up that practice and joined Tiffany in getting up each night. Thankfully, Amias has done a great job of adjusting to sleeping during nighttime, and now we typically have to get up only once or twice a night - something many parents consider quite amazing. I've learned to do my part with my eyes open just wide enough to not drop the baby or walk into any walls in order to return to bed and fall back asleep right away. Still, Tiffany definitely deserves credit for doing the overwhelming majority of the hands-on work.

Prior to all this happening, I had imagined paternity leave to be a time of essentially being imprisoned to serve the baby day and night with all freedom taken away and all meals and rest periods reduced to a fight for survival. Yes, there's lots of work to do. But within a week after returning home from the hospital, I began to notice that even with so much to do, so many new things to learn, and so many factors that control my schedule, I actually had free time - lots and lots of free time. The more I thought about it, the more I realized this was a truly precious opportunity. How often do Tiffany and I get to take a whole month away from work together while in good health without any plans to actually go anywhere? Unless we have another baby in the future, it may never happen again. And even if we take leave for a second baby, we'd have to simultaneously worry about the first one, making things far more hectic. That's what prompted me to ask the above question - when given such a golden opportunity, what would I do with it? This was nothing short of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and as soon as I realized it, I became fully committed to seizing it.

I'll start with the smallest things first. I learned to perform some relatively basic home repairs. I put the finishing touches on a several areas of our home that had still been left unorganized. I also practiced the art of making breakfast omelettes. There's something strangely fascinating about a good ol' American breakfast - it can be somewhat simple yet surprisingly classy, often overlooked in today's fast-paced society yet incredibly impactful in starting off the day right. Those who knew me at UCLA know exactly how I came to love omelettes. Over the years, I've made occasional omelettes on unhurried mornings. But there was still much to learn, including how long and how hot to cook each portion and how to perform that oh-so-daunting flip. Thanks to a recently purchased omelette pan, ingredients puchased in bulk for me to abuse, plenty of YouTube tutorials, consistent daily practice, and several embarassing failures, I've managed to get that flip down (for the most part) and also create decent-tasting omelettes - something I've been enjoying every single morning. Thinking about it now, it's actually quite a luxury. And even after I return to work, I'll be sure to continue letting Tiffany and myself enjoy this luxury whenever I have time in the morning to make it happen.

I also spent much of my free time making progress in my musical pursuits - promoting the instrumental album I had completed several years ago, moving forward on existing arrangement projects, and writing a few original works. I also took a some online tutorials to gain knowledge of various techniques and put them to practice right away. How to properly put my God-given musical gifts to use is something that has baffled me for years, and I was able to spend some time praying for guidance and making small tangible plans to do my part while trusting that He is in control and does not intend for His gifts to go to waste.

One of my biggest takeaways from paternity leave is a deeper appreciation for life. Through Amias, I witnessed the beauty of God's creation of life. Through Grandma's passing, which took place near the beginning of my leave and less than five days after Amias' birth, I was reminded of the frail and temporary nature of life on earth and the need to live for what matters most. Through time spent at home, I came to recognize and appreciate many of the blessings in life that I've truly taken for granted. Ever since Tiffany and I moved into our new home about six months ago, I've been focused on either cleaning, buying and building furniture, or simply rushing to cross things off my to-do list amidst the busyness of daily life. In fact, other than the day we signed the escrow documents, I didn't take a single hour off work for the sake of purchasing, preparing, or simply enjoying our home. Now, with an entire month spent almost entirely at home, I was able to focus on actually being home versus working to improve the home. I played music on our sound system and sat my butt on whichever couch I felt like at the moment, just because I could. I made various types of tea, hot cocoa, and coffee with our living room beverage bar that's finally in presentable condition again. Each new day left me more conscious of just how much I had taken for granted and just how many things I should be thankful for.

Of course, calling a place home involves far more than just material possessions. For the first time ever, Tiffany and I shared almost every meal together for an entire month. It didn't take us long to realize that with Amias still so young, we can actually still treat each meal at home as if we were going on a date, as long as we take care of feeding him ahead of time. We even managed to treat ourselves to a couple movie dates at home thanks to Amazon and Netflix. We shared countless memorable conversations in which we laughed at each other's dumb jokes, encouraged each other in areas of deep distress, and reflected on the journey that brought us to where we are now. And we're both left with no doubt that we are, in fact, truly blessed to be who we are and where we are.

One part of our home I came to appreciate the most is the yard. Given that our old apartment's balcony was about the size of a standard bathroom stall, any sort of yard would have been considered an upgrade. And with our new home, we got much more than just a yard. Sure, it's not exactly humongous. But it has a custom wood deck, a table and set of chairs, a big umbrella, a barbecue grill, a fountain, and numerous plants, all of which the previous owners kindly offered to leave for us - a truly undeserved blessing that came as a huge surprise during the process of purchasing the home. With just a quick glance, you can tell that they not only love gardening, but actually know what they're doing. In fact, I discovered through neighbors that one of them actually has lots of professional experience in gardening. Contrast that with the fact that Tiffany and I have been unable to keep even a succulent alive in our apartment, and this great blessing also became a great responsibility.

It just happened that Amias was born right around the beginning of this year's springtime weather, and different kinds of flowers that I didn't even know we had began appearing in our yard. Even some of the plants that I could have sworn were dead over the winter (but was simply too lazy to throw away) turned out to be alive and in bloom! Amazed by the beauty, I began studying and practicing how to keep each of the plants alive and flourishing. Previously, I had only trimmed a few of the larger plants that were getting too messy and practiced intentional pruning on the only plant I actually knew by name - the rose. Sure, it was already a little too late in the season for actual pruning. But there was still a lot to learn, beginning with figuring out what each of the plants actually is in order to apply proper deadheading and watering techniques. Given my pitifully limited knowledge about plants (thankfully, Tiffany wasn't particularly picky about flowers when we were dating!), the research alone has taken countless hours, and even after identifying nearly a dozen of the plants, there are still many more yet to be identified, including new flowers that continue to appear out of nowhere. Gardening became a part of my daily schedule, allowing me to not only properly maintain the plants to the best of my (very limited) knowledge, but also appreciate them more and more each day. Amazingly, my springtime allergies didn't kill me.

I've also become fascinated by the animal life that seems naturally drawn to our yard. Over the past several weeks, I've encountered several bizarre insects, a random possum that scared the devil out of me when it appeared out of nowhere one evening, and lots of birds. One of our neighbors has a big tree with a bird feeder, and whenever the birds are thirsty, they'll come to our fountain for a drink. Most fascinating are the hummingbirds, which I've gotten to see more closely than I ever did before. Apparently our condo's previous owners were big hummingbird fans; it turned out several of the plants in the garden are particularly known for attracting them! I quickly learned that whenever I'm outside, I should always have a camera on me to capture those amazing moments when the hummingbirds appear within a few feet of me. And even when I'm inside, I enjoy opening all the blinds and looking out at all the vibrant colors of spring that surround our home.

While the plants and animals frequently drew me out to the yard, I also committed to spending time there every day for a different purpose - to study God's Word. Within a few days of paternity leave, it became clear that it wasn't necessary for me to literally sit at home 24/7, and Tiffany kindly offered to have me continue going to BSF to complete the remaining three sessions of this past year's study. Those three sessions, along with my grandma's memorial service, were my only personal commitments outside of home during this past month. And as the study came to a close, I decided to commit to re-reading all of the primary passages (the books of Joshua, Ruth, 1 and 2 Samuel, and part of 1 Kings) over the course of several weeks in order to better remember the many important things I've learned throughout the study and put them to practice. The yard quickly became my venue of choice for this daily commitment; while it's easy to see over the fence when standing up, the outside world seems to disappear immediately upon sitting down, leaving a little private sanctuary complete with the vibrant colors of spring and the therapeutic sound of the fountain. Ever since I moved out of Mom's house several years ago, I hadn't the chance to enjoy such personal sanctuaries that were so precious to me in my college and early post-college years. Now, I'm glad to say that things have changed. Almost every day over the past several weeks, I've gone outside with my Bible and usually a cup of tea or hot cocoa. The surrounding natural beauty and frequent hummingbird visits only added to my appreciation for God's precious gift of life.

And God's Word truly refreshes and transforms. Most Christians have no doubt that we need it every day, but often we're so busy with other priorities that we neglect it - an unfortunate choice that I'm often guilty of making. When I have to go to work, I simply don't want to wake up any earlier than I already do, and when I return home I'm often too tired or feel like there are too many things to catch up on. Having a baby isn't exactly going to help in this area, either. But this period of leave has given me a perfect opportunity to commit to focusing on what matters most. Sometimes, several hours would pass by while I read the passages and took time before, inbetween, and after the reading to pray and consider various applications of what I learned. I often prayed that despite my many ambitions during this time, if I could only take one thing away with me at the end, it would be a deeper appreciation and understanding of God's Word leading to a deeper assurance of my identity in Him. Amazingly, several time-consuming things that I once thought I would spend my leave doing ended up being pushed aside simply because they no longer seem significant, and by freeing up my attention and my time, I've been able to focus on God without distraction and let His Word light my path each day.

When it came time to start wrapping up my leave in preparation to return to work, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I would get to enjoy an additional free day before returning to work, since today just happened to be my regular day off. Combine that with the coming Memorial Day holiday followed by my next regular day off, and my first three weeks back to work will all be four-day workweeks, and my first two weekends will be three-day weekends. This allows for not only a more relaxing transition, but also more time to prepare for Tiffany's transition back to work in two weeks and Amias' adjustment to being in the infant care program we've enrolled him in.

But even with just days left before returning to work, God's work in me wasn't done. In fact, in these last few days God allowed all three of us to experience some unexpected circumstances that forced me to not only confront the problems right in front of me, but also examine a lot of problematic actions and attitudes that often characterize my daily life. For several hours I wrestled with myself and with God as the many things I learned from His Word were suddenly put under fire. The fight was not easy, but I learned several valuable and life-changing lessons. First, be humble and take initiative to apologize when it's the right thing to do. Second, receive forgiveness with open arms, whether it's from God or from other people. Third, while this world is full of people and problems that can drive me crazy, my true enemies are sin and Satan, and just like Israel in the Old Testament, I must recognize with each battle who I'm fighting against and trust God both in my heart and through my actions in order to achieve true victory.

Identifying my enemy also means identifying myself and my own role. This morning, Tiffany had made plans to bring Amias to meet with a friend (who had a baby on the same day we did!), not knowing it was my last day off. I decided to stay home as I had planned; after all, with me having run all our errands over the past month and bringing Tiffany and I out only when necessary, I was sure they could use some fresh air away from me! And I'm very glad I did; it turned out I was overdue for some time alone too - time to spend alone with God with no one else around at all. Prompted by some recent devotional readings, I opened an old journal entry from around the time I had just begun hanging out with Tiffany prior to dating about a "God moment" in which I became keenly aware of the depth of His love for me despite my apparent insignificance on a universal level. I read the words aloud, and minutes later I was on my knees in the middle of the room, tears falling uncontrollably from my eyes. So much time had passed since that last experience, and so many things in my life have changed in ways I could never have imagined. But through it all, God's love and faithfulness has never wavered. The way He knows me, touches me, refreshes me, and transforms me is no different than it was years ago! Because of that, I can be confident that I belong to Him as His child. And by being rooted in that identity, I can trust Him to help me effectively play my earthly roles as a husband and a father. Nothing and nobody in this world should ever allow me to think otherwise. Surely God has heard my most heartfelt prayers regarding this time of leave and answered them in His perfect timing!

Looking back now, I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I had resolved to make the most of my paternity leave before it even began. Perhaps I would have considered some month-long commitments like a special diet or a daily workout plan. Perhaps I would have taken on some more time-consuming home renovation projects or signed up for some online courses. But perhaps if I had done so, they would have distracted me from the things that matter most. This time wasn't about seizing every minute to do as many things as possible, but rather slowing down to appreciate life and recognize the many blessings surrounding it. In the busyness of daily life, there are far too many things that we can easily take for granted - God, the Bible, home, family, friendship, time, sleep, food, flowers, hummingbirds... the list is so long that it can pretty much be its own entry. I also must give special thanks to the friends and family members who came to visit us during this time. (Until this past week, we had limited non-family visits to people who understand and can encourage Tiffany in nursing or can help us in better caring for Amias.) Now that we're in a whole new stage of life, filled with its own set of challenges, we're truly blessed to be surrounded by people who pour blessings on us in so many different ways.

A lot of people have asked me if I look forward to going back to work. A part of me definitely says yes, and I'm sure many new parents, especially dads, will totally understand what I mean. But to be honest, I don't want this time to end. Paternity leave has gone from what I had imagined to be a month of stressful obligations to a month of life-changing transformation. Whether I like it or not, the sun is now setting on this unforgettable month. Tomorrow morning, I'll wake up early to my alarm and suddenly things will be back to how they were over a month ago.

Or will they? Having only worked in my new job for a month before taking a month off, it really feels like I'm starting all over again. And even though I'm returning to what's more or less considered my daily routine, I can't help but believe that after this past month, things will never be the same anymore. The many things I've learned go far beyond mere knowledge and skills, but deep life transformation. And whether it's caring for people, slowing down to appreciate small things, not letting little problems get the best of me, or remembering my true identity in God, it's not just a one-time change, but rather a daily battle to continue growing and clinging onto what actually matters. I remember when I first got married and began introducing myself as a husband to new people I met. There was a deep sense of excitement, a humble acknowledgement of God's blessing, and a longing to embrace that identity. Now, in addition to being a husband, I can introduce myself as a father. And each time I do, it will remind me of my Father in heaven who has blessed me with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and taught me to make the most of it. May this be the beginning of an incredible journey of parenthood, orchestrated by God the Father according to His great and perfect will.

05/14: Time really flies. My month-long paternity leave is coming to an end in a week, and it has truly been a life-changing experience. I'll write all about it at a later time, but for now I'll focus on the reason this leave happened in the first place - the baby.

I've heard stories of how some brave women continued going to work until the day they were giving birth. Now I can add Tiffany's name to that list; over two weeks before Amias' expected delivery date (May 1), she had to take an afternoon off work for a scheduled OBGYN checkup, and it was then that she was told to not return to work because she should expect to give birth soon. She had planned to start her leave the following week, but apparently God decided to surprise us and spare her a few days of precious vacation/sick time.

The following morning, Carol informed me while I was at work that she was taking Tiffany to the hospital. Thankfully, we had made this arrangement in advance so that I could minimize the amount of time I had to take off work. Even then, I was a little skeptical - "3-4 cm dilated"? "Contractions"? What the heck did all that mean in English anyway? It simply couldn't be happening so soon, and I figured that perhaps Tiffany would be told by the hospital that she didn't need to be admitted yet. But the next thing I knew, she was admitted, and I had to snap out of my usual course of business and inform my supervisor, who had just returned to the office after a week-long vacation and had yet to get caught up with all her emails, that I had to leave right away. I was once told that it's good to have a supervisor who has children, and now I understand why; despite me having worked in this position for only about a month, she was very compassionate and understanding when I first told her I would soon be taking paternity leave and no less so when I surprised her with the news of my immediate departure.

Before I knew it, I was in the hospital room with Tiffany. She was already too tired to go out to walk like she did prior to my arrival, and the nurses advised that the baby could come out as soon as that very evening. That's exactly what happened. Thankfully, everything went very smoothly. But that didn't mean it was easy. I was allowed to be part of the delivery process, standing next to Tiffany and encouraging her to keep pushing. At one point, she was so tired she could barely continue. But there was no turning back, and in the end she racked up enough energy to give the perfect push necessary for the baby to come out.

I've heard all kinds of horror stories of how the delivery process was so bloody that it has made people - even doctors - faint. Personally, I don't have a very high tolerance for seeing blood, not to mention so much blood from someone I love so much. But I kept my focus on Tiffany, constantly praying for her and encouraging her throughout the process and occasionally taking a glance at what the doctor and nurses were doing.

Then suddenly, none of that seemed to matter. As I held Tiffany while she gave her final push, the doctor told me to look, and I saw, for the first time, our baby boy. I had the honor of cutting the umbilical cord, and he was then cleaned up and brought to Tiffany's embrace. At birth, he was already over eight pounds. Who knows what would have happened if he actually waited for those last two weeks! I've jokingly but honestly told several people that he chose to come out late enough to save us some diaper money but early enough to spare Tiffany a C-section.

Of course, I got to hold the baby too. The whole experience was truly unbelievable. In a way, I think it would have been much easier to swallow if Tiffany had simply laid an egg, with all the crazy biological stuff hiding within its shell. Yes, over the past half a year we've seen X-ray images, heard the baby's heartbeat during doctor visits, and felt him kicking and moving in Tiffany's womb. But this is an actual, breathing, moving, self-sustaining human being - and a rather large and hairy one too. And just the previous night, he was inside Tiffany's womb as we slept? I'm amazed by just how much pride many people have to witness something like this and still believe there is no God. Life and creation now have a whole new meaning to me. And for the first time ever, I can hold a baby and call him my own child - my son.

That's definitely not saying that the journey from there has been easy, though. The sleepless nights began immediately when Amias began crying and continued doing so for pretty much the whole night. We've learned various breastfeeding and soothing techniques in the hospital's classes and practiced them on dolls, but looking back now, if the teachers really wanted to create a realistic experience, they should use dolls with built-in speakers that let them scream at the top of their lungs for no apparent reason. Thankfully, the two nights we spent at the hospital gave us access to many nurses and specialists who provided additional assurance and guidance.

Then the inevitable time came for us to go home. I had made a few trips home to take care of necessary housekeeping and bring over leftover food that would go bad if not eaten. But now, it was time to go home with Tiffany and the baby. It's interesting how things that seem to startle most people can actually soothe babies; when we brought the new car seat into the hospital room and put Amias inside, he wouldn't stop crying. But once I picked it up and began walking out, he stopped - and remained asleep until well after we returned home. That gave Tiffany and I a desperately-needed moment to get settled back in, take a picture together (with the baby of course), and find joy in the fact that we're now home together as a family of three.

Being on our own was definitely a little scary; without the constant guidance of the nurses and specialists at the hospital, it was easy to be overcome by the fear that we were doing something awfully wrong without realizing it. During Amias' first checkup a few days later, the pediatrician immediately informed us that he was severely dehydrated and had lost an abnormal amount of weight, prompting us to add formula on top of breastfeeing to help him gain that weight back. That probably explained why he had gone through several periods of nonstop crying despite being fed in normal intervals. Because of his relatively high birth weight, he didn't show any physical signs of severe dehydration. And thanks to that doctor visit, he didn't have to; by the next visit, he was healthy and back to normal weight. And with proper nutrition, his behavior also changed dramatically, allowing us to further interact with him and get to know him more.

Tiffany is a preschool teacher who works full time with two-year-olds, and I admit sometimes it's easy for me to make the wrong assumption that she's already a professional when it comes to Amias. Actually, raising a newborn is a new experience for both of us. Yes, she's changed hundreds more diapers at her work than I ever have in my life. But when it comes to trying to understand Amias, loving him patiently when we don't know why he's crying, dealing with the challenges of breastfeeding, and surviving on shockingly little sleep, we're certainly a team, walking side by side and figuring things out together one day at a time. And I must constantly remind myself that even though God didn't create me with the intention of producing any breast milk, I am no less of a parent to Amias than Tiffany is and should always play an active role in parenting. After all, that's why I'm taking paternity leave in the first place.

We're very thankful for the many provisions given to us during this time. While we don't adhere to all of the many traditional Asian beliefs about post-pregnancy recovery, we do have a month-long post-pregnancy meal plan, which allows Tiffany to be well-fed and receive proper nutrition for both lactation and recovery. The additional time I have away from work allows me to run all necessary errands and take care of all the paperwork and number crunching for Amias' insurance, future infant care, and various other things. Most of our family members have already visited us, either in the hospital or at home. A few friends have come to visit too, specifically those who either have been through childbirth or have professional experience working with infants. We are very thankful for these visits, as they bless us with not only some desperately-needed social interaction, but also precious encouragement that leaves us feeling refreshed.

As for other friends who want to visit just to see the baby, we'll certainly start welcoming them soon as well, once Tiffany is done with her first month after delivery (which, as hard as it is to believe, is in just a couple days). After all, given all the needs of a newborn, it's certainly easier to have friends come over to see us (and enjoy our new home!) than for us to go out. There's already some talk of a small summer barbecue party - something I'm already looking forward to!

Tiffany's maternity leave will continue until the end of May, after which Amias will begin attending infant care. My focus now is on doing whatever I can to ensure that when I return to work next week, Tiffany can continue nursing and taking care of things at home with minimal stress. I've been asked several times if I look forward to going back to work. In a sense, I definitely do. But to be honest, I have mixed feelings. I'll save those details for another entry. But for now, we are truly thankful, and we know that we are truly blessed. We will continue to trust and pray, as we have already been doing each day, that God will provide whatever resources are necessary - whether it's time, money, milk, energy, patience, wisdom, encouragement, or anything else - to allow Amias to grow in a way that's pleasing to Him and for us all to grow together as a Christ-centered family.