November - December, 2021

12/30: More and more often I find myself losing grip of the recurring weekly, monthly, and yearly patterns that often shape the regular ups and downs of life. Working from home on most days certainly has its many advantages. But the downside is that as months pass by, it becomes increasingly difficult to feel the difference between a work day, a weekend, and a holiday. While the earlier months of the pandemic saw many drastic changes in my in-office work schedule for the sake of safety, my current one-day-a-week in-office schedule hasn't changed since sometime around early summer, and with another COVID-19 spike now among us, I doubt anything is going to change anytime soon. Days, weeks, and months crept by, and before I knew it the summer had passed and everybody was making plans for Thanksgiving gatherings, then Christmas gift exchanges. And with Christmas now behind us, it's suddenly starting to hit me that 2021 is about to come to an end.

I don't mean for this entry to sound melancholy. The undeniable fact is that I'm far more blessed than I deserve to be. From waking up each morning safe and healthy to having the time and money to enjoy a comfortable life at home each day, I have absolutely no right to complain. Doing so would be no different from the Israelites in the Bible grumbling against God right after He miraculously delivered them from slavery. But while I once criticized those Israelites for their lack of faith even after witnessing numerous miracles, I've come to see more and more that it's in our sinful human nature to always complain and wish for more than what's given to us. Over time, what was once seen as a miracle from God can lose its luster as we allow selfish greed and pride to creep in. That's why it's important to look back at God's unchanging goodness and faithfulness and have faith that He will continue being our source of joy and satisfaction no matter how circumstances around us may change. And what better time to look back and reflect than during the transition to a new year?

Thanks to the availability of COVID-19 vaccines and the generally controlled (until recently...) number of daily cases, car shows are pretty much back in full swing, including some of my favorite annual events that were cancelled last year due to the pandemic. Restaurants are also open for dining again, allowing Tiffany and I to enjoy a few breakfast dates on my regular days off before she goes to work, not to mention a memorable dinner in Newport Beach to celebrate our five-year wedding anniversary. (In May, we ate out by ourselves for the first time in over a year!) With the extra time I had on days I didn't have to commute to/from work, I committed to regularly exercising, practicing piano, and writing orchestral music. I was blessed with a few surprising opportunities to collaborate on music projects, including Clay Music's first instrumental piano album, giving me a desperately-needed dose of motivation as I continued wrestling with finding a purpose in God's musical giftings for me. I also took on a few home repair/improvement projects and picked up some simple cullinary tricks. Tiffany and I were able to meet up and catch up with several friends, host a small barbecue party over Independence Day weekend, and enjoy a three-day road trip to Monterey Bay to attend a wedding.

But in the end, all these things are only surface-level pleasures. Yes, they bring a lot of joy and excitement to our regular routines. But it seems like no matter how many times God gave the Israelites miracles or demonstrated his divine provision and protection, they still ended up complaining and losing sight of Him. I recently heard a sermon about David's prayer in Psalm 27, in which he proclaims that being in God's presence and gazing at His beauty is the one thing he asks for and seeks. That really sums up the problem both with the Israelites and with me - we're setting our desires on temporary things rather on God. We're putting our faith in God's gifts rather than in God Himself. And until we choose to seek Him first, we will never be truly satisfied.

When I had to commute to work daily, I complained about transportation delays and lack of free time. Now that my schedule is well within my control and I have much more time than I need, I complain about lack of excitement. It's amazing how much I have, and yet I find myself longing for more. I've become so used to keeping myself busy at home that I sometimes feel stressed even when there's nothing that needs to be done. Yes, to people like me, accomplishment and productivity feels great. But over the past year I began to lose sight of the fact that a single moment spent in God's presence is more satisfying than an entire week of productivity.

In God's presence, I begin to remember once again that in the areas where I have plenty, I'm truly blessed, and in the areas where I'm in need, I can still find peace, hope, joy, wisdom, and satisfaction. I haven't officially said this to a lot of people yet, but as of over a year ago, Tiffany and I have been exploring options for a new church home, both due to various ongoing problems/concerns and due to our current position as parents and as a married couple, which gives us a clear idea of our ongoing individual/family needs and areas/ways that we can most effectively serve. Due to a series of unexpected events, I've also had to end my commitment to BSF after not missing a day for over a decade. Parenting has progressed from merely encouraging Amias to communicate with words to helping him understand that using words doesn't mean he gets whatever he wants, something especially challenging for Tiffany since she currently has to be both Amias' mother and his teacher at school. We both find ourselves sometimes wanting to commit so much time and energy to our own desires away from home that we constantly need to refocus on finding a healthy balance between marriage, parenting, and our own interests. But time after time we come back to the conclusion that we're truly blessed to be a family going through each step of life together.

Yes, there are numerous uncertainties in our lives, whether it's at home, at work, in our families, in our faith communities, or in the world around us. But it's these uncertainties that remind us of how little control we have and how much we need to trust and depend on God. And as much as I don't want to admit it, sometimes it's these uncertainties that give life the ups and downs that keep it exciting. I may want to try and find answers to every question in my life, but in the end there will always be more questions. I know that God has great plans in every area of my life, even those that have seemed uncertain or even hopeless for a very long time. And I hope and pray that in the new year, my number one priority will be to seek Him first - not just to get answers, but to be in close fellowship with Him and take joy in being in His presence.





11/08: Last night, I made a steak dinner to enjoy with Tiffany, and it wasn't until we sat down to eat that I told her there was actually a reason for the feast (besides clearing out fridge and freezer space in preparation for Thanksgiving festivities.) I began by asking her if she believes that we're still in a dating relationship despite being married. Thankfully, she said yes. (It's always good to be in agreement! Though if she were to have said no, I would have tried convincing her to change her mind using what I'm about to write below.) With that in mind, I raised my glass and wished her a happy ten-year anniversary.


Time really flies; we both find it hard to believe that it's been ten years since the night we went on our first date. We had actually begun "unofficially dating" two months earlier, keeping quiet about it to all but our closest friends and family members to prevent the spreading of premature rumors as we took the time to get to know each other better. Given that we had not known each other for very long yet and were aware that this decision would be very important and impactful, we both agreed that it would be beneficial to go through those two months first before committing to a dating relationship. Yes, contrary to what most people today believe, we consider dating a committed-based relationship, especially once it's made public. The goal of dating is not just to enjoy knowing each other deeply and spending time together, but to ultimately reach a decision of whether or not to seal the commitment through the bond of marriage. On the night ten years ago when those two months were up, we enjoyed dinner together and decided then that we would officially enter into the relationship that eventually led to our marriage.

I know most people (if not all people) stop celebrating dating anniversaries once they're married, since it's pretty self-explanitory that wedding anniversaries essentially replace dating anniversaries. That's what Tiffany and I do as well. But upon realizing a few weeks ago that our ten-year dating anniversary was approaching (and happened to fall on a weekend), I decided to use the occasion to treat us both to an important reminder - being married doesn't mean we stop dating!

Unfortunately it's far too easy to forget this truth. Just think about the movies we watch and the songs we hear on the radio. Dating relationships are usually portrayed as fun, adventurous, romantic, passionate, and intentional, while marriage relationships are usually portrayed as mundane, stressful, problematic, and lacking a sense of passion or purpose. Yes, it's true that most dating couples are younger than most married couples and are less likely to be heavily weighed down by work, finances, kids, or other difficult realities of adult life. But remember back in childhood when losing a teddy bear seemed like the end of the world, or in high school when homework assignments and exams seemed like impossibly high hurdles? Every stage of life has challenges that seem impossible to face at the time, and while many challenges faced by dating couples may not seem as daunting when looking back as a married couple, there is no doubt they played a crucial role in creating opportunity for growth. Without challenges, it's hard to conclude whether or not marriage is the right path. In essence, a boyfriend staying up all night beside his girlfriend to encourage her to study for finals isn't much different from a wife staying up all night beside her husband to support him when he lost his job. The types of challenges we face may be different in different stages of life, and as we get older those challenges may have more impactful consequences. But in the end, it all boils down to attitude.

Being in a dating relationship generally implies a desire to know each other deeply, spend time together, make great memories, and walk together through each other's most difficult times. Boyfriends and girlfriends ultimately know that maintaining and growing in a relationship requires investing in it. And from the moment he puts a ring on her finger, they start looking forward to their wedding day expecting it to be the best day of their lives. Our world increasingly glorifies the idea of falling in love and living "happily ever after", and many people either dismiss that happiness as impossible or expect love to be as easy and perfect as Hollywood suggests. The truth is that happiness does exist. But it requires investing, and in that sense marriage and dating are really not all that different.

I remember back in college when so many of my peers had vigorously spent their high school years preparing themselves for their dream schools, only to realize that getting into those dream schools didn't mean everything in life magically fell into place from then on. In all the busyness of pursuing those acceptance letters, they had tragically failed to realize that the letters were only a milestone, not the end of the race. Life would continue to present both challenges and rewards, and continued success required continued investment. It's the same thing with marriage; wedding days are milestones - important, joyful, and memorable milestones, but relationships must continue growing through constant nurturing and investing. Without it, a marriage can be at best only mediocre.

It's amazing how easy it is to fall into the trap of complacency, especially when it's often justified by things that are generally considered good. For example, living under the same roof means we're in a sense always enjoying time together, but it easily leads to neglecting intentional quality time together as a couple. Having trust and respect for each other's friends and hobbies gives us freedom to continue being ourselves even while married, but it easily leads to excessive time spent indulging in personal pleasures at the expense of continuing to make great memories together as a couple. Having stable incomes and an organized budgeting plan gives us more financial freedom, but it easily leads to my excessive stinginess in what should be considered reasonable investments in our marriage. Being held together by wedding vows means we're at a deeper level of commitment to each other than we were when only dating, but it easily leads to greater selfishness when facing conflicts. I often find myself much quicker to criticize and complain rather than encourage and support. When facing conflicts, my focus is too often on proving right vs. wrong rather than saying and doing what's best for our relationship. I'm sure many (if not most or all) other married couples face the same or similar struggles. We may even have deemed this complacency as acceptable and dismissed the idea of a thriving marriage as mere fantasy. Sure, it may seem easier and sometimes even more satisfying to dismiss each other's emotions or concerns and respond to problems by pointing fingers at each other or blamining external circumstances. But chances are when we were dating, we would have responded very differently.

In closing, I want to suggest an idea, both to myself and to all other married couples, that I believe can truly transform our marriages. Throughout the day, in various circumstances, ask yourself if you would have said or done things differently before marriage while dating. If so, what changed? Sure, sometimes the difference is the result of greater maturity and wisdom. But many times it will paint a surprisingly clear picture of how your own attitudes toward the one you fell deeply in love with has become complacent and steer you back on the path toward not only maintaining your marriage, but making the most of it. This is why I decided to plan last night's dinner celebration with Tiffany. We're certainly far from perfect, but we're certainly eager and willing to do what it takes to make the most of our marriage, and that intentionality alone is certainly worth celebrating. Amidst life's many challenges, we look forward to continuing to nurture and invest in a meaningful and thriving marriage together. Cheers to ten memorable years of dating, and many more to come!


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