12/31: last entry of 2006. winter retreat was awesome as usual. yes, things were quite disorganized and it irritated me at times. but this is one of few retreats when i feel like God spoke most to me through the sermons. my attitude toward learning was never all that great, and it's so easy for me to drown out the speaker's voice and wander off into my own thoughts until an 'amen' brings be back to reality. but somehow in this retreat i found myself very focused and alert (despite lack of sleep), making the most out of what God had to say to me through pastor Elijah's words. to sum it all up, Elijah basically took the purpose-driven mentality that i've already spent so much of my life thinking about and raised it to a new level. usually when i hear sermons about life stories, i expect the speaker to either disprove what i thought i've figured out to be in agreement with God's will or to say what i've already learned from my own life. little did i know there was a much deeper message behind what i thought i've known all this time. Elijah's message about tying together the past, the present, and the future leaves me with a lot to think about, and i'll definitely write more about it as i take more time to think things through. of course, the retreat was much more than just the sermons - enjoying the unexpected snow, bonding with my team (yellow) and playing games, being part of the worship band, making the most out of vegetarian food while saving stomach for beef jerky and cup noodles, talking til late at night, and much much more. but as usual, i'll save the day-by-day update for the pictures page.

so anyways, there's less than three hours left before next year. if i weren't so tired from retreat, i'd be spending my time thinking deeply about the past year. there's been a lot of ups and downs - unforgettable friendships, experiences, and passions mixed with new revelations about my own life, much of which was spawned from the retreat. i know that God is going to do something amazing in the coming year. this is the year i'll most likely be finishing college and deciding on plans for the next step of my life. it will completely change the way i see my family, my friends, my future, and my life in general. i'm pretty scared to think about all these things, but i know that God will never fail me, and with that in mind i'm actually quite excited to see what He's gonna do in my life next.

12/27: winter retreat starts tomorrow, meaning i'm not gonna be here until Sunday morning (12/31). and since we're at the same place as last year, i wouldn't be surprised if people decide to go for some Korean BBQ afterwards. we'll see...

one thing i love most about the Christmas / New Year's season is that i can start conversations with people i haven't talked to for months, or even years, and have something to say to them. it always makes my day when i see how happy people are when they realize i still remember them. thats why i stayed up past 1AM on Christmas day. i simply couldn't cut short such valuable conversations. as for today, it's my grandma's birthday, so we went out for a huge family lunch and dinner, with worship practice inbetween. after that awesome talk at the lunch table on Tuesday, i'm able to enjoy myself a lot more around my family. i hope it stays this way.

as for winter retreat, those who went last year probably remember how our expectations were shattered one by one, and in the end we couldn't do anything except rely on God to fill our expectations. that's exactly what i wish to do again this year. just cuz i know the campsite already, it doesn't mean i have the power to say what God's going to reveal to me in the next few days. sure, there's the basic stuff - learn to love God more, grow closer to Him, make new friends, get closer with old friends, etc... - but i really believe God has a message for each of us personally, and i want to humble myself enough so i'll be able to receive that message fully. even with all my complaints in mind, i'm very excited to go up the mountain (kind of? hehe) once again. it's always one of my favorite times of the year, and i know this year will be no exception. for those who are going, see you tomorrow!

and by the way, i'm not doing anything the week after retreat, so if anyone wants to hang out feel free to invite me! =)

12/26: very interesting Christmas. went to church on Christmas Eve, had lunch with friends afterwards, went home and watched some random Christmas movies, then had a huge family hotpot dinner. played some games, opened some gifts, went to sleep. rewind a little bit - maybe some of you who know me way too well might be surprised that i opened gifts before Christmas - something i've always refused to do in the past. i don't really know why; it's just my own tradition i guess. after years of killing the fun for my family, i decided to play along knowing it won't do anyone any harm - and i'll admit it was pretty fun. and i still had plenty left for the next morning =).

Christmas day - the excitement of Christmas never fails to wake me up in the morning. went downtairs and opened gifts one by one with mom and Carol, followed by a warm breakfast. usually Christmas is one of those days when i don't mind sitting around doing nothing. in fact, that's what i usually like to do. everything outside is closed, and it's nice to just be home and relax. this year things were a bit different. long story short, my family (mom, sister, aunt, uncle, grandma, cousins) sporadically decided to go out and have some fun in the mountains, and dragged everyone along without realizing that half of us didn't want to go to begin with. i didn't wanna ruin the mood for everyone, so i kept my mouth shut. besides, if i spoke up nobody would have listened anyways. so we basically sat in the car for an hour, until everyone finally realized we weren't gonna get anywhere anytime soon, then got off and chilled for a bout 5 minutes, then turned around to head home (exactly where i wanted to go). then on the way back some people suddenly decided to make another random stop, once again forcing everyone to go. might have been a good idea, except i was already way too ticked off by the lack of organization, not to mention that these sporadic decisions almost got us killed on the road a couple times. as someone who struggles with bad driving, i really don't need any more bad examples, especially from my own family. so i made it really clear that some of us didn't want to go anywhere except for home and that we didn't need anymore brilliant ideas that are just gonna make everyone even more angry. and we went home after 4 hours of pointless driving. went out to dinner a little bit later - Chinese restaurant of course, since they only close on Chinese New Year's. i originally agreed to go only if i could drive myself, just in case anyone decided to play Einstein again. somehow we suddenly went from two cars to four cars, and at the end after my mom told me she's coming home after dinner for sure, i went with her. very glad i did, cuz take all my frustration and add my love for wind and speed, and God only knows how fast i'd be driving. dinner was great, and good food (and boba =) ) always makes things better. spent the rest of the night in my room sending Christmas IMs and phone calls until about 1AM.

maybe i can explain my point a little more clearly. on a day like Christmas the last thing i want to do is be ungrateful for anything. i treat even the smallest gift as something undeserved, and seeing my huge stack of boxes in my room leaves me grateful beyond what my words can describe. everyone has their own opinions on what is an ideal Christmas, and there's nothing wrong with that, until one opinion forces everyone else to submit to it. i know i can't expect everyone around me to have the same standards as me, but i definitely don't wanna be dragged around aimlessly like a 4-year-old. after sitting there watching the ever-increasing level of chaos, miscommunication, and lack of organization, i couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer...

the day after Christmas (today) - had lunch at home with mom and Carol. i don't even remember how it all started, but everything that happened yesterday was brought up at the table. we were all frustrated in our own ways, but at the same time we were calm enough to talk things through without erupting into a fight. we talked for a long time, and all got to babble about how we felt about what went wrong yesterday. at the end, every unspoken feeling was let out, and i had nothing left to complain about. mom always reminds us of the importance of 'family time', something i've always valued. it's just that it seems like every attempt at spending quality time with each other leads to some kind of problem. for me, my favorite way to build relationships isn't to go on vacation, watch a movie, or play a game, but rather to simply sit down and have a good conversation (maybe with the help of some food =) ). people nowadays seem to be afraid of times like this, partly cuz we're so used to environments like the Internet where you can talk without actually 'talking', and also cuz we're so busy surrounding ourselves with things to do that we become afraid to connect with our deepest feelings. good and meaningful moments like what happened during lunch today are so hard to come across these days, and it leaves me more thankful than i've been in a very long time. to me, this was the best 'family time' i remember having all year. and it means more to me than any gift under the Christmas tree ever can.

12/23: a mix of hyperness and tiredness. why tired? woke up at 7:30AM to get ready to go pick up Ken at the airport. his parents were nice enough to let me join them =). its great to have him back after several months in Japan. we have soo much catching up to do... made it to church for worship practice - an hour early. didn't bother going home since i was already in HH. played piano/keyboard by myself the whole time, then practiced with Steph's team for two hours. then went home. Ken came over to drop off Christmas presents =). he just got home and he's already making deliveries. hehe... so yea, it's only 8:30 right now and i'm feeling like its almost midnight. i think i'll sleep earlier today. but not THIS early.

...and what about the hyperness? i was randomly looking around YouTube and stumbled upon the music video for Jibbs feat. Chamillionaire's "King Kong". i can probably count the number of hip hop music videos i've watched with my fingers on one hand, but it was one of those moments when i knew there was something special abotu that video and i had to check it out. for those who care, fast forward to about 2:05 and pay attention to the background. that white Rolls-Royce Phantom with custom rims... it's the exact same one i saw during Golden Triangle 14 (11/12/2006)!!! go to car-parazzi for pics. i wonder if its actually Jibbs' car. but isnt he only like 16 years old? anyways... Crystal told me i write too much about cars on my site. and i think a lot of other people will agree. but before i shut up - last week i shot a S65 at brea mall, a Mulholland blue Prowler @ Albertsons, and *drumroll* yesterday i got a Ford GT Heritage edition in Rowland Heights! ok, now i'll really shut up about cars. but one more reason for being hyper - it's almost Christmas!! time is passing by way too fast. or maybe i'm just getting old. i havent had any time to sit next to the Christmas tree and just relax. maybe i'll do that tonight. if i stay awake long enough...

12/22: wow... it's been a while. every day i tell myself i need to write, then when i finally find time to do so it's already late at night and i go to sleep instead. tonight i told myself i can't go to sleep until i write an update. so anyways... winter break has been awesome so far - an excellent blend of people from different areas of my life, along with plenty of time to spend by myself, which i found myself enjoying in contrast with the people-filled lifestyle in the dorms. i think everyone needs a good mix of time spent alone and time spent with other people. this past quarter i've learned a lot more about myself, and i wish to spend time during winter break organizing all my thoughts and writing them down. but for now, i need to get this update out of the way.

so lets start with my family. after spending a whopping THREE weekends at school this quarter, i must admit i'm loving life in college more and more. but it's great to be back home with people who have always been a part of my life and will always love me for who i am. with the Christmas spirit kicking in, i find it hard for me to complain about doing chores and favors around the house. most of the time i spent with mom and Carol was in the form of Christmas shopping, which took up the majority of this week. working together to figure out what to give specific people can be very exhauasting, but its actually quite fun =).

if you're one of those people who i talked to a lot in the summer, then i probably gave you some form of lecture about trying my best to keep in touch after school starts. if you've ever lived in the dorms, you must understand how hard it is. i will never abandon existing friends for new friends, but when it comes to suddenly moving to a new world and meeting countless people every day and having to remember them all and being occupied 24/7 with barely enough time to sleep, the time i have to spend on the phone or online is very very limited. i apologize for being so busy, and i'm thankful for times like winter break to catch up with old friends. had lunch with Rose @ Ten Ren's today, then went to some Chinese bookstore, just like we used to do when we had a lot more free time. i miss the times when my friends and i would call each other up and ask to meet up and hang out, and i hope that during this winter break there will be plenty more opportunities for me to catch up with old friends and show them i still care.

...then there's the problem of losing touch with UCLA friends while i'm at home. so far it isn't really a problem. Elizabeth has been 'bothering' me with emails pretty regularly. i spent some time having great conversations online. yesterday i had lunch with Sue at Life Plaza, followed by Cue pictures =). we were gonna go on the same day as when we went last year, but when we thought of that idea it was already too late =/. she came over afterwards and watched Shaolin Soccer. and i learned how to make stars =). ohh and we made an awesome comic strip. its so cheesy but so fun...

i remember first watching Shaolin Soccer with Thao during freshman year of college. everyone has certain things that remind them of certain times in their life. for me that movie definitely takes me back to three years ago. lots have changed since then - suddenly i find myself starting to think about graduation already. for years i've kept a balance of school life and home life, each with its own activities and people. soon i will reach a point when these things will all become one again. this past week has taken me on a journey through time. last night i got to hang out with Jeff(Yen), who i knew since childhood and who contributes greatly to my current love for cars. spent lots of time talking with fellow car freaks Mike and Spyder, sharing our interest and keeping each other company. returned to using AIM, leading to conversations with many people who i haven't talked to for months or even longer. got Christmas cards from people who i thought might have forgotten me. ran into Denise at Life Plaza yesterday and Betty at the mall today and got to catch up a little. these are the little surprises that remind me of the great miracle God has done in my life five years ago. over the years i'm slowly starting to see the importance of the balance i mentioned at the beginning of this entry. and by finding that balance i'm finally able to both love myself and love others at the same time. after i graduate, there will no longer be a split between home friends and school friends - everyone will become one large category, and it will completely change my attitude towards people and the amount of effort i'm willing to spend on them. it won't hurt to start preparing for that time now.

well its getting late and there's a party going on downstairs for Carol's cellgroup and a bnch of other cells. i think i should go say hi to people =).

12/14: my last night in the dorms this year. finals week has been very busy but very eventful. spent the afternoon in Beverly Hills - yes, i went there again. after an amazing trip last Friday i really didn't feel the need to go again this week, but special thanks to Mike who hooked me up with some incredible photo opportunities, i couldn't reject the offer. and the result was simply amazing. usually when i blog about my trip on Car-Parazzi, i like to leave a few "surprise cars" to build up anticipation and wow everyone. this time there are THREE cars worthy of that label. definitely not a typical Thursday afternoon. but anyways.. that's not what this entry is about. its time for, believe it or not, the last weekly update of the quarter!

Sunday - another walk around Hedrick (while studying) resulted in brunch with Avani Michelle and Tayeba. more studying, then went to Denise's apartment for some hardcore teamwork studying. not that either of us knew much, but having someone to study with always helps. came back to the dorms at around 5 and swiped food for her. the line was long enough to connect Bruin Cafe with Puzzles. so since i waited, i got myself a smoothie too. actually, make that two smoothies. Jessica came up all the way from DeNeve to eat with me =). it eventually became a huge table composed of me, Jessica and Julia, their highschool friends, which included Michelle and Richard, who brought a bunch of our floormates too. returned to my room with a few minutes to digest before the next big event - Food for Finals. it's sad that most of the freshmen dont think its a big deal. if they asked me earlier, i would have invited them to join me at the front of the line. Michelle Christine and Peggy were smart enough to be there, meaning first choice of all the food and no waiting in line. spent the rest of the night studying. come on, it's my only final, i have to work hard...

Monday - lunch with Anny Tammy and Dean. more cramming. i wasnt really stressed though, so i managed to get to SMB an hour early to practice piano (for Wednesday's recital) before the test. it was hard as expected, but judging by how the TA's grade our other exams/assignments, im pretty sure its gonna be ok. i'm just glad its over. and as usual i finished early, meaning more free time to compose. dinnered with floor, then spent the rest of the night working on the composition, finally finishing at around 10:30, just as i had planned. why 10:30? after relaxing for a little bit, i went to 5-South just in time for the first Midnight Cafe! since it was the first night, it quieted down pretty fast and i just chilled there (in Hannah & Doris' room) with 5S people the rest of the night. apparnetly Hannah says theres something special in her room she wants people to find, and if people find it they get a reward. Janelle found it already. me and Henry stayed there looking for a long time and didn't see anything. and apparently i found out later that after i left, Henry found it. aaaah!!!!

Tuesday - downing a Sierra Mist at midnight didn't help me much, as i found out right when i went to bed and found myself wide awake and unable to sleep. so i barely slept all night. and i woke up at 7:50(!!) to order pizzas with Richard's extra swipes (he had a final at 8AM). we got SEVEN pizzas, plus soda and wings. since i was awake, i decided to treat myself to some breakfast. finding Michelle and Christine at the dining hall helped kick off an exhausting but awesome day. my composition was done, but i saved the entire day to do editing work, knowing it would take a long time. and thank God i gave myself the time. walked to SMB with Elizabeth, since she had a final and i had to practice piano. she came down to watch me practice and helped me a lot by making me play the same part over and over again until it was memorized. came back and got Bruin Cafe (lunch and smoothie). more editing. amazingly enough, i finished it before dinner. ate with Lisa Tammy and Richard. went to Covel to print out the completed score - 62 pages in all (!!!!!). the people in the lab were giving me weird looks like i was printing out the whole Bible or something. but it felt great to be done with something i've been working on for so long. and since i already went to Covel, i also dropped by Bruin Cafe (yes, another smoothie) and the STC to photocopy a few 'bear posters' i promised to make for Tammy and Michelle(Panh). delivered them afterwards and chilled with both of them for a while. the clock struck 10:30, and me n Richard went to pick up what would lead to the most incredible Midnight Cafe ever. at 10:50 people were crowding around our door eager to grab food. thanks to Brian who messaged the whole floor about it, as well as people on 5-South and other floors for spreading the word, we definitely set a record - seven pizzas gone in 21 minutes. it was absolutely insane. dozens (literally) of people in the hallways and in our room enjoying a desperately needed break from finals with what we all love so much - food! oh and for those who came 21 minutes too late and didn't get any pizza, Brian also ordered another 8 pizzas (!!!) and put them in the lounge where the party continued. and yes, those were all gone by the end of the night too. plenty of food and sodas left everyone pretty hyper, so we were all up chillin in the hallways til like 1AM. and this is only fall quarter...

Wednesday - went with Avani to get smoothies in the morning, then went to SMB for the composition reading. it sounds so much better in person than in Sibelius. oh and for those who are wondering, it's called "Kontraos". let me explain. on the last day of class Professor Krouse commented that the piece sounded like a mix of contrast and chaos, and Tom muttered "Contraos". we all laughed, but actually i had that exact same idea in mind already, and i considered sticking to it. then on Saturday when Tracy was in my room playing with Sibelius she commented on how "Kontakt" (on the Kontakt player) is totally spelled wrong. that was the *ding!* moment for me - i stuck a "K" to the beginning of my title, and it didn't look too bad. so in keeping with my tradition of quirky titles this quarter, i decided to stick with it =). anyways... after the reading i practiced piano some more until i finally felt (a little bit) confident in having the Sonata memorized for the recital. ran into Kim and Jeff in the hallways and realized i wasn't the only one that was really worried about the recital. got Bruin Cafe on the way back (come on, i need to kill off those swipes). Elizabeth offered to eat with me at 5 knowing i was probably worried nobody would eat with me so early. then after we went there we found out the floor was coming down early, so we went and joined them. then i went to the recital. there's a lot of people this year, and a lot of very good people too. and since it's in Popper, it actually felt like a real recital (minus the audience hehe). as usual, being on stage made me screw up like crazy. but i guess it wasn't too bad... chilled back in my room at night, then went to 5S for the last midnight cafe. unfortunately there was no pizza this time, so we didn't bother publicizing it or anything. chilled in Jeff and Will's room the rest of the night, playing Mario Kart =). i used to be pretty good, at least with the N64 version. the Gamecube one is so much harder!!! i suck =//. but it was lots of fun. me Jeff Robin and Alex played until 1:30 in the morning.

Today - so apparently i have a piano lesson the morning after the recital. pretty random huh? not that i'm complaining... for the first time this quarter, i totally didn't hear my alarm ring, and woke up at 8:40 in shock. but with the help of my scooter (which i put to good use during finals week), i managed to grab a full breakfast (swipes left - 9) and still make it to SMB in time to warm up for 5 minutes before my lesson. went to Bruin Cafe afterwards for a smoothie. (swipes left - 8) saw Carmen there and we talked outside for a long time. its so great how we have time to sit around and relax without any worries. returned to Hedrick to find that the ever-enlarging lake near my room was finally getting fixed. i was kinda sad though, cuz i had planned to build a little cardboard island with palm trees and put it in the middle =). owellz... didn't find anyone to eat lunch with so i ventured to the Hedrick dining hall myself and found Henry to join me. (swipes left - 7) went up to 5S and chilled with Henry n Crystal for a little bit. then went to grab my scooter to go to Beverly Hills. so about Beverly Hills... i'll spare all the details here, but i definitely have to say thanks one more time to Mike and John for making this trip happen. now for the three surprises... Car-Parazzi won't get them until a week later when i start posting them, but for those who are cool enough to come on this site (hehe), i'll ruin the surprise for you. enjoy...

12/09: im not gonna wait til Sunday night to do update, cuz i have a feeling i'll be pretty busy cramming for Monday's history exam. just got back from the Christmas concert, which went really well. thanks to everyone who came to listen to us =). and thanks mom for rescuing me and Elizabeth from the random rainstorm that screwed over so many people, including Jimmy who ran back to Hedrick on his own before i found him to offer him a ride. anyways... i should be studying right now, so lemme get this update out of the way first.

Sunday - didn't have dinner at the auto show (come on, did you think i have the time? =) ), so i got Bruin Cafe back at school. special thanks to Tammy and Julia for 'saving me a spot in line' (hehe). finished up my brass trio and printed it out. now that that's out of the way, all i had left to worry about was my term project.

Monday - it felt like a really weird day since there was no Chorale practice. but the extra two hours of free time definitely helped me recover from carrying that humongous amp up to Hedrick. worked on my composition and walked around the building until i ran into Irina and she invited me to eat with her n her friend Kenya. (for those who don't know, usually when you see me wandering aimlessly around the building during meal hours, it means i want someone to eat with me =) ). spent the rest of the night living in my headphones, with the exeception of swinging by the lounge to catch a bit of our floor holiday party. the IV community had a meeting and i felt really really bad sitting there doing my work while they met, but i really needed to get the piece done.

Tuesday - had breakfast with Anny Tammy Dean and Tracy. dont think i ate with this many people in the morning all quarter. gosh i miss 2 North =/. practiced piano, went to classes, then worked on composition even more. i didn't get a turn in composition class today, but i 'volunteered' to be first on Thursday (the last day) knowing i'll need every minute of help i can get. another random walk around the building helped me score a dinner with Jaymie Yolie and a gang of 5S people. spent the rest of the night working on... can you guess?

Wednesday - it finally started to hit me that classes were about to end. last day of conducting. last day of orchestration (which was only half an hour long and all we did was eat cookies =) ). last day of chorale. not counting the concert of course. i was pretty stressed about the composition, but i was confident enough to treat myself to a break and enjoy a night at 449 for the IV Hedrick Christmas party. lots of amazing food, games, etc... and i actually prepared a real gift this time hehe. i left a little early though, since Tammy was walking back and i knew i had work to do too. spent the rest of the night composing, finally completing my piece from beginning to end (with many details that still need fixing).

Thursday - breakfast. warm up for piano lesson. i totally didn't realize i got an email a while back saying there was no lesson this week. so i sat around the hallway watching everyone stress about their theory final. got out of history class an hour early too. i love how music professors dont seem to like teaching on the last day. and by then i've already been given so much random free time that i decided to take a walk to south campus =). ran into Victoria Christine & gang studying for a quiz and chilled with them til it was time for composition class. my piece took up more than an hour of classtime, but that's what i get for going first =). from that point on, i was on my own to finalize the piece. oohh and i finally gave it a title too hehe. walked back to Hedrick with Elizabeth n ate together at 5, then i stayed in the dining hall for the IV pre-Catalyst dinner. after Catalyst me Tammy Lisa n Tim went to Snowberry. yes, there's a Snowberry. and yes, it's in direct competition with Pinkberry. and its actually pretty good. i have a stack of coupons if you want to go, so ask me for them =).

Friday - breakfast, composition, and history discussion. i left SMB promptly at noon for the long-awaited Golden Triangle 15 trip. special thanks to Mike for familiarizing me with the Triangle more than i did before. i followed his tip regarding time (arrive early and leave early) and the result was simply incredible. shot over $7 million in three hours. i'll save the details for the ECPG (i should update that thing huh? hehe), but for now here's a pic =).

12/05: i'm so friggin sore right now, and there's two reasons for that. one, of course, is the Auto Show. my incredible five hours at the Convention Center began at around 1:30 with a tour of a few parking structures, during which i shot two Elises, a Quattroporte, Gallardo Roadster, Gallardo SE, and a suped-up Murcielago. then the show itself - amazing as usual. other than the manufacturer displays, there was a booth for the movie "Redline", with an Enzo, S7, Carrera GT, and Koenignigneigneingesisnegsgesggg. at Kentia Hall there was an F50, Skyline (R34) GT-R, Series 1, and countless other exotics. and of course, the concept cars... all the recent muscle car concepts were there. surprises include the Maybach Exelero, Saab Aero X, and Mazda Nagare, three of my favorite concepts from the past couple years. to be honest, going to auto shows simply isn't the same after i discovered the thrill of carspotting. but with a brand new 2GB memory card in hand, why not put it to good use? ohh and i took another parking lot tour after the show and found two more Quattroportes, a Silver Spur, Arnage T, Azure, Gallardo, and Dino. if i had my scooter on me, i'm sure i would have found more (cuz theres a couple more parkign structures i didn't get to). but anyways, if this sounds like any fun to you, the show is still going on right now and will last until Sunday. to all the Car-Parazzi people - if you go and don't stop by the valet parking lot, i'm gonna yell at you =). oh and if anyone wants to see pictures, just ask me and i'll send them to you.

five hours of travelling on foot with multiple bags of brochures left me pretty sore, but little did i know what was to come next. yesterday during class i somehow managed to get permission to take home a really nice keyboard amp. ask if u want to know the details. the only problem was that the music building isn't exactly close to Hedrick (not to mention the hill in between), and 40 pounds (plus backpack) isn't exactly very light. with the help of my scooter, i inched it up the hill slowly and finally made it to my room in one piece. so now i can stop using the crappy computer speakers that were free, and instead choose the amp that can blow the crap out of the entire floor. (dont worry, i'm very respectful about quiet hours). it fits perfectly under my desk, meaning it gets a nice chamber of wood to resonate on, making the sound even better. the only problem - the amp isn't officially mine, and there's a small chance i may have to bring it back someday. but for now i've been given permission to babysit it permanantly, so it's gonna stay right here with me =).

anyways.... it's Tuesday night and my composition project (which STILL needs a title =/) is coming along quite well. i'm aiming to have it in one piece by tomorrow night so Professor Krouse can help me with it one last time on Thursday. after spending so many hours on it, it's becoming easier for me to focus on it, and i hope it stays that way until i'm done. if i work hard, maybe i'll treat myself to a vacation to the Triangle this Friday. yup, the first-ever (i think?) Friday afternoon Golden Triangle trip. i hear it's the second-best day of the week to go, and my expectations are pretty high. but after the auto show i'm already pretty content. anyways, for those who dont know, i'm staying at school this weekend cuz of the choir Christmas concert. it's Saturday night at 8PM in Royce Hall. tickets are $10 - trust me, its worth it! i'll try to study hard this weekend, and maybe on Sunday i can meet up with the Car-Parazzi gang again (if we all have time).

oh and one last thing - does anyone from 2N last year remember what was the biggest party in me and Richard's room during finals week? that's right, MIDNIGHT CAFE is back!! this time for three nights in a row (Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday). don't know what it is? come by anytime from 11PM-1AM and treat yourself to plenty of free food - chips, drinks (cold & hot), pizza, buffalo wings, and lots more. look at the pictures from last year and see for yourself. and if theres any food you wanna donate, feel free to bring it over. Monday night will be in Doris & Hannah's room (5S), Tuesday night will be in me & Richard's room (5N), and Wednesday night will be in Jeff & Will's room (5S). everyone is invited, and i'm pretty sure i'll be at all three nights, so stop by and say hi! =). ok, i should get back to working on my composition. bye!

12/02: UCLA OWWWWNNNNNNSSSSSS!!!! that was one intense football game. i wonder how many people lost money because of this game. and i wonder how many cuss words are popping up every minute around the USC campus right now. but hey, its my senior year and it's about time we win =).

12/01: so apparently it's December already. that's insane. for those of you who are wondering, i did successfully finish the composition i wanted to finish by last night, meaning i can relax and enjoy the weekend before diving back into Sibelius for my still-untitled term project. but anyways, here's the week 9 update.

Monday - i dont think i've been this excited about school since around week 2 or 3. a good night's sleep definitely helped, and a good piano practice made things even better. maybe it's cuz Elizabeth came to visit me during her break in theory class - it's great to have someone to talk to halfway through my practice =). Chorale ended at like 4PM today, meaning i actually made it back to the dorms for something i didn't expect to have - dinner! since it was all last minute and i was eating by myself, i ventured out to *drumroll...* DeNeve! just cuz i doubt anyone would wanna go that far to eat with me hehe. and besides, i got to refill several of the empty spots in my tea collection =). went straight to worship practice afterwards - as usual i'm messing around and doing jazz chords, except this time Mike actually allowed it to be used in a song. that was sooo much fun. too bad i couldn't stay and eat with the team afterwards cuz i had so much homework to do (namely my brass trio composition). writing for brass is something i've never done before, so i didnt know where to start. after attempting a freewrite for about a page, i gave up and went back to the term project, putting off the trio yet another day.

Tuesday - breakfast, practice, classes, compose. a lot of composing. dinnered with Tammy at around 5:30, then Janelle Richard Will and Jeff came to join us too. found Jane sitting in a corner by herself while getting tea so i went to say hi, and she told me about the soprano rehearsal after chorale ended on Monday. gosh, sometimes i wish i was a soprano, just cuz they get so much attention for tone quality. being in Chorale definitely changed my perspective on choral music, and that fact that i suck is starting to bother me more and more. ironically, i ran into Jessica while eating at Deneve on Monday and she actually asked "aren't you in chamber singers?". *scratches head in confusion*. if only she was right... hehe anyways, went back to my room to compose. after realizing i was pretty pressed on time for the trio, i turned to 12-tone serialism. thats the awesome thing about modern music - even without any inspiration, there's always a way to pull something out of your rear end. i actually ended up liking what i made, so i ended the day feeling quite content and sleeping early once again.

Wednesday - a 13-hour-long adventure in SMB. practiced piano at 9AM. went to conducting - i'm starting to love that class more and more. maybe its cuz i actually get the hang of some stuff we're working on. orchestration was pretty 'interesting' - long story short, Chihara kinda lost his temper and fired the f-bomb at me. i was pretty close to starting a battle that could lead to both of us getting in big trouble. (i know it's a character flaw, but at this point i really cannot put up with stuff like this, regardless of whether or not he's a professor). fast forward a few minutes, and he returns to the room to apologize to me. it's amazing how powerful a simple apology can be. and as much as he pissed me off earlier, his willingness to apologize to a student in front of the class made me respect him even more. so anyways... went to chorale, but didn't go back to the dorms afterwards. instead i had dinner (Cup noodles) at SMB, then practiced piano, then had a make-up lesson. Ruby's make up lessons were all throughout this week, but mine was the only Wednesday night one. i have a feeling she understands i'm serious about piano, so she put my time slot by itself. so of course we went way overtime - not a bad thing to me. its amazing how my attitude towards piano has changed from last schoolyear to now. after the lesson i went to the Symphony Orchestra concert. there were a lot of people, but half of them were probably required to attend for Music 15. i sat with Brian who was one of them hehe. we walked back with Elizabeth afterwards, attempted a BruinCafe run but the line was way too long. went back to composing until about 2AM.

Thursday - i specifically asked Ruby if she purposely wanted me to have a lesson Wednesday night and another one Thursday morning and she said yes. and it actually helped me a LOT. we went so overtime that i bascially had three lessons this week. i learned so much though. and i actually found the door to Ponce's studio unlocked so i snuck in 5 minutes before my lesson and warmed up - that helped soooooooo much! anyways, went to history class and got an amazing series of surprises. first i got my analytical assignment back, then my essay (which i BSed), then my listening quiz (which i wasn't even sure if i passed or not cuz i guessed half of it). i flipped them over one by one - Aced all three!! i'm sooo sure the TAs made a mistake grading it hehe. somehow i guessed the entire listening quiz right except one problem - even though i never studied stats, i know it's a pretty unlikely scenario. not that i'm complaining or anything... for composition class i got to work on my piece again - i'm a bit behind mostly cuz i'm focusing on the brass trio, but i'm much less stressed about this one cuz i ahve more time to finish it. walked back to Hedrick with Elizabeth only to find that there was a fire evacuation. waited outside n chilled with Andrew YY and Tammy. we took the stairs back inside and i passed by Jane's room and she gave me some really really good peanuts, which helped motivate me a lot as i went back to my brass trio. after about an hour of work, i knew that i would be able to finish on time =). dinnered with Elizabeth at 5, walked to campus together - she went to SMB and i went to soundcheck for IV. walked back with Jolene and Carmen after Catalyst and composed some more, finally finishing the piece at around 11:30PM. chilled for the rest of the night...

Friday - a morning full of surprises. woke up for breakfast and ran into Jane at the elevator, then ran into Steph(Liu) inside the elevator. and all three of us were going to Rieber to eat! too bad Steph was in a rush and didn't eat with us at the end. Jane let me borrow the amazing Eric Whitacre CD that i think i'll be listening to all weekend. i can definitely use a break from 12-tone brass music hehe. treated myself to a trip to Sunset Blvd. since it's auto show weekend, there are a LOT of nice rides out in the wild - even away from Bel-Air/Beverly Hills! gosh, i cant wait til Sunday hehe. went to history discussion, went home, got Lollicup (thanks mom =) ), went to teach, and now its 10PM and i'm here updating this thing.

i think i'll go to sleep soon cuz it's gonna be a really busy weekend. tomorrow i have worship practice with Garland (i can finalyl make it!) at 10, then teaching, then lunch, then more teaching, then dinner, cellgroup, and sleep. i was supposed to get a haircut too, but i took care of that today =). as for Sunday, lets just say i plan to put my 2GB camera card to very good use. and i might need to bring my battery charger too. i'm gonna be at the show before 1:30, meaning plenty of time to scout the parking lots, enjoy the show, and hunt some more before going to school. it's gonna be a great day. ok, i'll shut up now. bye!

11/28: *yAwn*. seven hours of hardcore composing, with only one break (dinner). i definitely have a lot to do by next week. but it feels great to make some progress on both of the pieces i'm working on (quintet and brass trio). it's gonna be a busy week, but i'm looking forward to it. tomorrow i'll be at SMB from 9AM til 10PM - practice, conducting class, orchestration class, chorale, additional piano lesson, and symphony orchestra concert. i'm such a music major =). then i'll come back to Hedrick for some more hardcore composing. the brass trio is due on Monday, but i need to have it done Thursday night cuz it's gonna be a busy weekend (not to mention i won't have my computer at home). here's some upcoming events for the rest of the quarter -

LA Auto Show - i'm going this Sunday right after church, and going straight back to UCLA afterwards. i didn't invite anyone to go with me cuz i'm not driving, and also cuz i'll not only go to the show, but go hunting in the parking structures before/after the show. but if you're going and want to meet up there just let me know. unfortunately the stupid website isn't giving any preview of the concepts/debuts until after it opens (for press). but Kevin friggin got a ticket so he'll call me and tell me what's there. from what i know so far it's gonna be an awesome show.

UCLA Christmas Concert - Saturday 12/9, 8PM, Royce Hall. the chorale, chorus, and orchestra will be performing Puccini's Messa di Gloria, followed by several Christmas carols. tickets are on sale already, and for people at home, i can get them for $10 if you let me know early enough so i can hand them to you this weekend. if you want a break before finals week, this concert is a great place to be =). let me know if ur coming!

End-of-Quarter Carspotting - Golden Triangle 15 is currently scheduled for Friday of week 10, since i'm staying that weekend for the Christmas concert and will be free from noon til night. (anyone wanna eat lunch with me? =) ). i originally wanted to go Sunday and have an open invite like last time, except my history final (my only real final) is Monday so i dont exactly wanna be gone the whole afternoon. but i'll proably end up doing a shorter Sunset Blvd / Westwood trip sometime during the day - and maybe Saturday too. come on, it's the last weekend before winter break.

Finals Week - since i finish exams on Monday (but have to be around until at least Wednesday), i'll have plenty of free time, so if anyone wants to hang out let me know! otherwise i might end up in the Triangle all week hehe.

alright, it's midnight and since i slept late last night and have a long day tomorrow, i think i'll go get ready for bed now. i dont wanna fall asleep during my piano lesson or during the orchestra concert. and i definitely need the energy to work on my composition after i get back. so i guess i'll shut up now. goodnight!

11/26: SNU for a very eventful weekend. relatives from Georgia and Taiwan came over to spend Thanksgiving break. on Wednesday night we all met at Diamond Plaza for a big dinner. when i'm with my relatives, it's all about food. my aunt even pointed out that whenever she's in America, all we do is either eat or wait for the next meal. its pretty true actually. not that i'm complaining =).

Thursday - Thanksgiving day. everybody got together again and went to Rose Hills in the morning, followed by lunch in San Gabriel. yes, we went out for a big lunch on Thanksgiving day. we love food. sitting through traffic on the way back was pretty tiring, but at least i had the afternoon free to get some homework done, taking some stuff off my mind so i could focus on enjoying the break. went to Steph n Ben's house for the big Thanksgiving dinner, complete with people, food, beer, and the amazing Nintendo Wii thanks to Caleb =). oh and he also brought a woofer and projector. how much better can it get? everyone (adults included) was playing at the end. those infrared controller things make us look like idiots (especially playing stuff like Baseball and Boxing). but it was sooo much fun.

Friday - as if lunch and dinner on Thanksgiving wasn't enough, we went out to breakfast @ Las Brisas, a fancy oceanfront restaurant in Laguna Beach. then walked around the beach for a while, took a million pictures. then went shopping @ South Coast. there were soooo many people. ran into Michelle(Panh) while waiting for people to use the bathroom =). walked around for a few hours - you know, my typical 'shopping'. actually it was more standing there holding stuff while waiting for people to come out of the fitting rooms. anyways, we had lunch at some sandwich place at the mall. the prime ribs were really good. to make things better, i took a short walk outside after lunch, and shot a DB9, 456M, and Hamann 360 Spider all in about one minute. that valet parking is insane. definitely a place i'll visit again next time i'm in the area. went back home and had free time until i went to teach at night. (as long as i have nothing planned for holidays, i let my students choose if they want to have class or not, and most Asian parents would say yes hehe). got some more homework done, then went to teach, then met up with everyone again to say bye to my uncle from Georgia (since he was leaving the next morning). went to sleep insanely early cuz my head was hurting and i was soo tired.

Saturday - slept for a good 12 hours, but the headache only got worse. i didnt wanna go downstairs and socialize so i attempted some homework, but fell back asleep. went downstairs for lunch, then returned to homework, then fell asleep again. a little medicine helped a lot, so at the end i actually completed a lot more homework than i thought i could. went to Shaw's at night for his leftovers Thanksgiving party. very smart idea - throw a potluck after Thanksgiving and have everyone bring their leftovers. it helps everybody at the end =). chilled for a bit after dinner then went home cuz i was still a little dizzy and had plenty more work to do.

Sunday - went to church, then met up with relatives again for our final adventure together - an awesome crab & lobster lunch at Redondo Beach. walked around the pier afterwards, then went to Westwood for Pinkberry and Diddy Riese (Steph & I recommended it of course hehe). then took Steph to her apartment and went in to visit for a bit. then took me back to Hedrick. then suddenly it was all over. i found myself in Hedrick once again, preparing for another schoolweek.

after such an eventful weekend, it may seem strange that i didn't exactly enjoy it as much as most people would think i did. the last time we had a large family gathering like this was 5 years ago when we went on a cruise to Catalina and Mexico. during that time i was riding the fresh wave of my Social Revolution, content beyond description with every possible reason to enjoy my life. throughout these past 5 years i've changed a lot, mostly as a result of that same Revolution. i've begun to discover who i am, who i want to be, and i've allowed myself to have a personality involving more than just myself. a part of this discovery involved me figuring out what i considered right and what i considered wrong. but consequentially this led me to set up an "ideal" personality, fueled by my obsession with self-discipline, accepting those who meet the ideal and criticizing those who don't. this weekend i realized for the first time that my own relatives aren't exactly the type of people who meet this ideal. over the many hours we spent together, i often found myself frustrated, angry, and even embarassed at our behavior. but i didn't feel like i had the right to speak my mind.

amidst all the things i did this weekend, my most memorable moment was a conversation with my mom on the car after returning home from the mall on Friday. starting somewhere around lunchtime in Thursday, i began to realize my frustration with the people around me. after dinner, i returned home furious at how chaotic everything around me seemed to be. having breakfast the next morning with the same people and spending the next several hours with them didn't exactly help. and i'm definitely not the kind of person that can be frustrated at people around me and not show them how i feel. the only thing that calmed me down at the mall was when i shot the cars - probably the first thing i did all day out of my own will. but of course that joy can't last forever. on the way home with mom and Carol, i couldnt' stand it anymore, and after a big argument and finally arriving at home, mom and I stayed on the car and talked for at least an hour and a half. amidst my anger i knew i had much to learn, and couldn't do it without some help. and talking with mom helped a lot. i've seen her help her friends in countless ways, and i can openly speak my mind to her and not be afraid. even though it's impossible to come up with one perfect solution to all my problems, i left the car with plenty to think about, all of which i hope to spend a lot of time exploring as soon as i get this next big wave of homework assigments over with.

as i stepped out of the car in front of Hedrick with my computer and backpack, i felt a great sense of relief. as much as i hate to admit it, i'm so glad it's finally over. i find it strange that the roles of home and school seem to have been reversed at this point. at home i had no space to myself, as my uncle was living in my room and i settled with sleeping on the floor in my mom's room with all my school stuff right next to me. around people at home i had to be fake in order to please everyone and fit the image that they all seem to fit into much better than i do. i didn't have much of a say in anything, and all i could do was play along and wish for the best. at school, i have a huge desk set up specially for my needs as a music major, in a spacious room with a bed belonging to myself. people accept me the way i am, and i dont have to worry about hiding my feelings. i find myself sitting here feeling more at home than i did since the long weekend began. it's so great to be back. and being ahead of my homework schedule only makes things better. perhaps the way i feel about things now will change in the future, and i know this weekend has definitely left me with a lot to think about. but for now, i can definitely use a good night's sleep to kick off a new schoolweek. goodnight!

11/22: week 8 update. an incredibly short week - only two days of class! all 6 hours of today's classes were cancelled =). the imac is once again at home with me (in my mom's room, since relatives are over for the long weekend so i dont exactly have my own room) - i struggled a lot with whether or not to bring it home, but i figured with all the homework i need to do over the weekend its best to have a computer anytime i need it. so anyways, the update...

Sunday - went to church. Johnny (from HOC) came to visit! we got to jam (keyboard & piano) after service... played "Beauty for Ashes" and "Jesus Lover of my Soul" with jazz chords! i love playing with Johnny... i've admired him as a worship leader since i was in highschool and its awesome that now we get to meet up and play together. i definitely hope this happens again sometime soon. went to Costco to buy stuff with mom n Carol. returned to UCLA with Steph. took Nat back too - i'm actually glad she needed a ride back, cuz then i dont feel THAT bad for bumming a ride from her friend on Friday. spent the night working on composition while being entertained by visitors - you know, my typical night in Hedrick =).

Monday - breakfast with Tracy. practiced piano - a surprisingly neutral practice, neither good nor bad. conducting class with Neuen was interesting... i know i suck in that class, especially when he stops the class to point out my mistake multiple times in a row. but knowing how rare it is that i get a chance to study conducting, i'm glad to have a chance to improve. it's a lot of pressure to me, but it's definitely fun once i get it. orchestration class. chorale. chorale ended early, meaning more free time back on the floor. dinnered with Richard Connor and Raymond. chilled in my room, worked on wall and composition homework. went to Rendezvous with Jane (apparently 10PM isn't a late dinnertime for her). ran into Justine and Bondy and joined them. the rest of the night was typical - being "bothered" by Elizabeth while doing homework. yes, i actually enjoy company when doing work...

Tuesday - breakfast with Tracy. amazingly awesome piano practice - the kind that makes me want to play forever and never stop. went to history class - spent the first hour drawing and the second hour online. showed professor Krouse my in-progress composition during class - its always encouraging when he says he likes what i'm doing. now i have a much more clear picture of what the piece will look like, but its gonna take more work than i expected. that's what this long weekend is for. worked on wall in the afternoon. got a dinnercall from Tammy @ 5 and joined her and Anny in Hedrick. before they left Doris and Anita came to join us, so i ended up staying with them too. then Michelle joined us, then Victoria & her friends, so i ended up eating for almost two and a half hours. it finally started to hit me that my schoolweek was already over and that i had all the time in the world to chill and spend time with friends. the extended dinner (all for just one swipe =) ) definitely served that purpose well. oh and did i mention i went to Pinkberry with Victoria afterwards? the only downside is that i didn't make it for smallgroup. i've been very good on attendance this year so far. hopefully i wont start losing track of myself again. i decided to spend the night visiting 5-South again. ran into Irina in the lounge (where she seems to spend her whole life =) ). chilled til she had to leave, then swung by Michelle(Panh)'s room - the door was actually open! so i visited - she showed me her artwork... and i got to play with her drawing pad thingy - it draws right on the computer screen! i've always wanted to play with one. but its really hard to learn. chilled there til like 12:30 and went back to my room to pack. then i realized i didn't exactly wanna sleep - its like a Thursday night, when everyone's in the mood to party, and the next day people either have no class or want to ditch. swung by the lower odd side - chilled with Joy Jonathan and Joyce - Joyce opened her door to the public for the first time and so many people came by to visit. she shoudl do that more often =). or maybe it was just cuz of the Disney songs hehe. then i went to join the rest of the people who were still awake chillin in the laundry room (i guess that's the best place to talk late at night?). slept at around 2:30AM.

Wednesday (today) - woke up for breakfast (yes i'm crazy). finished packing and went to the West Gate for about 45 minutes. a little carspotting is always great for ending the schoolweek. it's nothing like Friday morning, but i still had some fun. oh by the way, i've been informed that the Panoz i shot a few weeks ago belongs to someone from Grey's Anatomy. if anyone subscribes to People magazine and has access to issues from a few weeks ago, please let me know so i can see for myself. went home with Steph, and here i am now, having conquered my mom's desk with her permission. this is where i'll be spending most of my break, except when i'm out eating - you know, the typical big-family-gathering stuff. with all the homework stuff aside, i'm pretty excited. hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving break. bye!

11/18: seems like forever since i've been home. and its great to be home and not feel the need to seize every moment i have to steal Carol's computer to work on my homepage. for those who didnt know, two of the three things i was gonna fix on my homepage are done. the journal is, at last, back on the main server, so that whole redirecting-to-temprary-server thing is long gone =). also i finally finished the long-overdue college pictures update earlier this week. added over 100 pics from the new schoolyear. also need to post the pics from the end-of-summer Claymusic events, which will hopefully be up in the next week. as for wallpapers, i'm definitely working on it, even though i cant promise when its gonna be done. taking 19 units isnt as easy as i thought, and especialyl as the quarter starts approaching its end, more and more work is starting to kick in. so far i'm handling it pretty well (for the most part), and i hope it stays that way. but anyways, its time for the week 7 update.

Monday - Professor Neuen finally came back, meaning i have him twice in the same day. its my first time actualyl being in his class, and now i totally understand why everyone says he's so great. if only i was a little more awake. recorded "Pasta Pies & Cats" for the second time in Orchestration class. it kinda sucked that there wasnt a lot of time to rehearse, but at least its much better than last week. and it was already 3 when we got out, so me and Jeff literally ran across SMB to get to chorale, scaring the crap out of everyone in the hallway. and we made it just in time for Neuen's opening speech =). Chorale seems so different now that i know so many more people after the football game. we even had cake to celebrate during break. so first they feed us cheesecake and soda at the Rose Bowl, and now we get chocolate cake - in the middle of rehearsal! i love chorale =). went back to Hedrick in time for dinner. as usual me n Richard just chill in our room until someone (usually Brian) comes to invite us to eat. so we had another random "floor dinner". then spent the rest of the night working on history analytical assignment...

Tuesday - after a frustrating piano practice on Monday, i thought things would get better... but they didnt. its another one of those times when i try soo hard to warm up and focus and let my fingers do what i want them to, but it just doesnt happen. went upstairs early and sat outside finishing my history assignment with Denise and Yinchi. then went to my classes and went back to chill in Hedrick. there was plenty to do in my room, so i resisted the temptation to go hunting. that gave me a couple hours of free time, during which i worked on my homepage. then i decided to do something i haven't done in a LONG time - visit 5-South! and i'm so glad i went - most people there still remember me, and its so great to let them know is till care. ran into Thao who was visiting Doris, and i ended up eating with them and a bunch of other 5S people. spent the night editing pictures (the ones i posted already =) ) and writing the last entry.

Wednesday - breakfast with Steph & walked to campus together. finally had a good practice - a desperately needed one, since its my last time to practice before my lesson. went to class as usual - six hours of class. made it back for floor dinner. lots of people came and we were smart enough to take two elevators this time =). at the end it was just Jamie and a bunch of Asians hehe. had fun talking about Asian stuff. we have so much stuff we want to do as a floor - MJ party, hotpot, etc... and the SGV trip. is that still gonna happen? anyways... spent the rest of the night studying and working on my composition, which i was much more motivated to do after Tuesday's class.

Thursday - breakfast with Tracy and walked down together since she had to get there early too. to my great surprise, the 3rd practice room (my favorite one) was open and not reserved! then i went inside, and turns out some fool moved the piano right against the wall so nobody could use it. (thats why Elizabeth wasnt in there hehe). moving it back in the right direction actually helped me warm up hehe. maybe i should push pianos around every morning before i practice =). went to my lesson - another great lesson leaving me encouraged - so encouraged that i returned to practice for another half an hour right after my lesson. went to class - Composition class had a 'field trip' to watch some composer teaching people to sing his songs more expresively... pretty cool experience. went back to chill in my room and fix up my wall, which has been having some problems. studied a little, went to dinner with IV gang and walked down together. studied some more at night for history quiz. Elizabeth helped a lot by sitting there and letting me babble out loud so i can remember all the stupid dates and stuff a lot better.

Friday - breafkast & study. took my scooter to class to save time. ran into Jo and his friend Judy - also a music major, and they were suppsoedly just talking about me when i appeared. so we walked to SMB together. Judy had a parrot that she brings everywhere... it must be fun practicing piano with a pet in the room =). took the history quiz - much harder than the previous one. i hope i passed it =/. "went to the bathroom" after the quiz and somehow ended up back in Hedrick. its only cuz i had to leave early. it was kind of an emergency finidng a ride home this week cuz my mom had to work early, so i called Nat who called her friend Tony who was giving her a ride back and also agreed to take me. thank you soooo much!! you saved my life =). so i made it home on time to go teach, as well as relax a little, and finally catch up on my desperately needed sleep. and now here i am, wide awake on Saturday afternoon, updating this homepage back on the main server for the first time. so um... i think i'm done. yea, i should shut up now huh? ok, i'll do that. bye!

11/17: UCLA. Taser. ok, you guys know the story already. and i'm sure you've all heard enough people ranting about the incident, especially after watching the video on YouTube. i didn't watch it myself until this morning during one of my typical "study breaks" at the computer. and i was so disturbed that i had to close it halfway and force myself to not think about it as i resumed preparation for my quiz. if i didn't have to go home, i would probably have stayed for the protest against police violence that took place outside Kerchoff today. normally i'm pretty indifferent to things like this, but something about this incident particularly bothered me.

first of all, i will not take a side on whether the student (or even the police) was at fault, simply because i don't have all the details behind exactly what happened. but what really bothered me was the fact that the excessively violent act was commited by the very people who are supposed to ensure our safety. as children we learn that policemen are friendly people who love to protect us. it's amazing how reality unfolds itself as one grows up. again, i'm not saying for sure that the police were wrong in this incident; but i have no doubt that the officer was abusing his privelege with the taser, hurting the student much more than necessary when he shot him multiple times. so this is what our world today has become - a world where identities are questionable and trust is almost impossible to find. a world where the peaceful silence of a library can suddenly become the grounds of violence. a world where even our respected authorities cannot be depended on. it makes me truly thankful that i live my life for God - the only fair and trustworthy judge.

amidst all the rants and complaints about who was at fault, one figure truly earned my respect. as a myriad of feelings and responses stormed across the library when the incident took place, a student stood up to the officer, pointed out his excessive behavior without hesitation, and asked for his badge number. he (maybe there were others too), though shocked like everyone else at the scene, stood for what he believed, even when it meant speaking up against authority. and even if the officer had done nothing wrong prior to this point, his threatening this innocent student with the taser makes him downright guilty. the student has set an example we all need to learn from. this world is no longer a place where we can depend on people of higher positions to solve problems for us. when we see injustice and ignore it, we carry part of the blame on ourselves. we are all responsible for upholding what we believe is right, and this includes defending our beliefs and rights when they are threatened. corruption in this world will only get worse, and as much as i hate to admit it, this will probably not be the last time such an incident happens. i wish that we will not be among those who merely spectate on problems around us and pray for God and others to take care of them. but rather let us stand up like the brave student at the library and do our best to become part of the solution.

11/14: this is one of those moments when everything just sorta reaches a happy ending and i can sit back n relax. i stayed up pretty late last night working on my composition term project, which i totally didnt feel inspired to do, and BSed music definitely does not sound good. but to my surprise Professor Krouse was not only encouraging, but totally helped me and showed me the potential of my piece. i've been stressing all morning about looking stupid in front of the whole class cuz my piece sucks... but i guess its not that bad after all. anyways, this update is for an extraordinary weekend at school-

Friday - since i knew nobody would wake up on a holiday to eat breakfast with me, i slept til after 10AM. Richard was gone (to 6flags) all day and it felt pretty weird waking up and being in the room by myself. i was so used to the wake-up-and-get-dressed-quietly routine that i didnt even notice he wasn't there until after i came back from brushing my teeth. with what was left of the morning, i decided to do something i havent done in over a month and a half - use AIM! now let me explain... for those who IMed me, i'm sorry if i totally ignored you or signed off on you. it was very hard getting used to the way AIm works on Macs, and the software crashed every few minutes so i couldnt exactly chat very long. i ended up talking on the phone with Mike - yep, Mike the Eagal Eye. had a great time talking about car stuff hehe. the entire morning there was like no one on the floor, and at 12:30 i finally took the initiative to call Tammy for lunch at Covel. Janelle joined us there too. back in Hedrick Lisa n Elizabeth chilled/studdied with me until it was almost 3 - thats when i had to go to my only planned activity of the day - Chorale rehearsal on the IM field with the marching band. walked down with Elizabeth cuz she was going to SMB to practice piano (on a holiday!). rehearsal went pretty well - its always great to hear what the song sounds like with full accompaniment, even though its pretty much impossible to hear ourselves with the horns blasting behind us. walked back up the hill with Tracy Angelica and Jane. thanks to Jane i finally got to hear a recording of the Puccini mass we're singing in Chorale. she came over and showed me some really good choral music recordings - i swear i never appreciated vocal music this much before. went downstairs to watch her practice (being the professional singer she is...). met with Tammy in Westwood to go to Santa Monica - its about time we go there again huh? ran into Christina and her friend Val on the bus, and talked the whole way there. dinnered @ the foodcourt. also ran into Connor & more floormates at the mall. Santa Monica is so different on Friday night - 3rd Street is full of performances and people. did some window shopping then came back to Westwood. met up with Doris Enoch & church after they finished watching a movie. me n Tammy were gonna get Diddy Riese but the line was almost to LaConte(!!), so we went to Ralphs instead. i treated myself to a bag of Cheddar Beer chips =). it helped me stay up and get some homework done before going to sleep...

Saturday - staying up late talking with Elizabeth gave me less sleep time than i wanted, but it was worth it, especially since i could always make up the sleep. woke up at 8AM(!!) to get dressed for the football game. yes, we have to wear dress shirts. at least its better than tuxes at a football game hehe. ran into Jane (who woke up super early and already finished warming up) at the elevator and walked down together. bus left at 9AM for the Rose Bowl. did some final rehearsing in the parking lot and in the field, then had a super long lunch break. food was provided =). isnt it funny how they feed the choir chicken burgers, cheesecake, and soda (water was not an option) right before we have to sing? anyways... everyone chilled out in the grass until it rained - for like 3 seconds. and they made us all get in the buses. it was soooo stuffy in there... i felt like i was gonna pass out. then when we went back outside it was friggin cold. we walked into the Rose Bowl with the band as they marched... except we didn't march - we just walked without any kind of formation. lotsa people were watching the band, then gave us that confused "who are you guys?" look. anyways, suddenly i found myself inside the Rose Bowl for my first live football game (and yes i'm a senior. sad huh?). sat with Jane and Jessica - went out a few times to get food. the Kettle Corn was so good! too bad i only ate like 2 pieces before it was halftime. i usually dont feel nervous at choir performances, cuz i'm just one out of so many faces. but walking across the stadium with everyone staring at us was kinda scary. the performance ("Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "Hail to the Hills of Westwood") went pretty well... while walking back all these kids ran to the front and wanted to high-five us. we felt so special =). at least i know i did hehe. back in our seats i got to enjoy more popcorn while watching the rest of the game. UCLA was losing before halftime, and after the Chorale performed we started winning =). its sad that more than half the choir disappeared after halftime and went home. where's the school spirit? and besides, its a free game. for those who stayed, our victory against the Beavers made it totally worth it. took the bus back to UCLA, during which i got a surprise call from Ally. so we talked the whole time ( i was sitting in the back by myself anyways... we had so much room in the bus). walked up to the dorms with Jane and Angie. ate a late dinner @ Bruin Cafe w/ Jane. we were sooo tired... but so many people said they saw us perform. once again, i felt special =). spent the rest of the night on the phone with Mike and doing homework...

Sunday - made up for my lack of sleep. but i still woke up at 10 naturally =). stayed in my room doing homework, then wandered out to the lower even side of the floor where there were actually people awake and talking. had brunch @ Covel with Allison Jane and Lucy (Jane's friend from highschool). came back to Hedrick to get ready for hunting. and yes there was lots to prepare for - bathroom break (weight reduction), scooter checkup (safety), and proper attire (Car-Parazzi shirt =) ). Spyder got to the Triangle before me and already shot a 599GTB and Carrera GT. meanwhile i swung by the Hilton and got an F430 Spider, Silver Seraph, and S65 (W220) AMG. i met up with Spyder and Jake on Rodeo drive while we were all chasing a V8 Vantage. also met their friend Kevin (senior at UCLA too!)... we all stood on Rodeo n talked while hunting and chasing when necessary. Kevin and Jake had to leave eventually, but Dash and Alec came to join us. also met Spyder and Dash's mom - she's so nice! its so amazing that she drops them off at the Triangle to let them hunt cars, and she goes hunting herself too! she actually remembers the pictures i posted and everything. its my first time meeting a group of people who loves cars as much as i do. we had such a great time roaming the Triangle. there weren't exactly all that many surprising cars, but i got a couple items checked off my hitlist (V8 Vantage & Vanquish S). the hunt lasted from 1PM til after 4:30. while we were all heading north on Rodeo, a Murcielago appears from the distance. that was the highlight of the afternoon - a huge group chase across the Triangle. of course i was in the front cuz i had the scooter =). but i was far ahead enough to see the car about to turn and signal the rest of the guys to take a shortcut. we all caught up to it parked behind Wilshire and got a bunch of pics. at the end Spyder n Dash's mom even gave me a ride back to UCLA =). (thanks!!!). to continue the car-craziness, i had dinner @ Rieber with Kevin. that guy has the craziest connections for exotics... he's seen just about every car on the planet and knows the owners. pretty amazing. got a call from Steph(Lin) on the way back to Hedrick so i stayed outside n talked for a while. made it back on the floor just in time for Michelle and her friend Sophia to come visit Richard - he was gone to leader's meeting, and somehow i ended up talking with Sophia for another hour or so. then of course, to end a great weekend, i did some homework. the weekend simply flew by - so much happened, but yet it seemed so short. suddenly classes were about to start again and everything was going back to normal. and since i'm still trying to catch up on sleep right now (Tuesday night) and its already midnight, i think i better shut up. sleeping early should help me be more awake tomorrow. goodnight!

11/09: very early "SNU" (TNU? hehe). i figure its gonna be a busy weekend, so might as well get this update thing out of the way first. and besides, the schoolweek is technically over since its Thursday night now and tomorrow is a holiday. here we go...

Weekend - went to cell & church as usual. went to Costco to print pictures for the first time in like over a year. i had soooo much trouble deciding which ones to print, so now i have waaaay too many pics to fit on my wall. by the way, i'm having some trouble with the wall right now, so i might have to take it down and start over =(. hopefully that will be taken care of soon. came back to school with Steph on Sunday night, got her Bruin Cafe again =). spent the night chillin in my room and talking to Elizabeth, who comes to 'bother' me just about every night now. not that i'm complaining or anything...

Monday - the downside of staying up late at night is that i feel dead the whole day after waking up. and having six hours of class doesn't help either. it was my first time zoning out during Chorale. its pretty sad cuz i love that class but i just coudnt stay awake. but thank God the Ethno department finally put out some coffee this time, rescuing me during break and waking me up for the rest of Chorale. that coffee also served as my dinner (i didnt have lunch either), since i had worship practice at night. ok fine, i got a soda from Bruin Cafe. just a soda, since its 'free'. worship practice was awesome as usual... i enjoy it so much more now that we're pretty good with controlling time and can still get work done and crack jokes every few seconds. spent the rest of the night working on my composition - more details on that later.

Tuesday - had an amazing time practicing piano, so well that i was wide awake all through history class. went back to my room right after class to keep working on the composition (which was due the next day). i worked especially hard cuz Judy was coming over for dinner =). i only see her like once a quarter. we finally got to catch up a little... she showed me pictures from New Orleans this summer. pretty intense stuff... the whole hurricane thing seems so much more real to me after she told me about it and showed me the pics. oh and there were huge spiders - so scary! =/. composed some more, smallgroup at 8, then more composing. finished the piece at midnight and went to print it. i had so much fun... but i was soooo tired...

Wednesday - another awesome piano practice, followed by conducting class. ran into Diana & her friends during my "lunch" break. then the moment i've looked forward to for a long time - the reading/recording session for my new piece! for those who haven't heard, it's called "Pasta Pies & Cats". long story behind it... ask if u wanna know. and it sounded great thanks to great performers. the only problem was that thre wasnt nearly enough time for everyone, so we have to do another recording session during MOnday's class. hopefully that will help. went to Chorale - last day of class led by Paul. Neuen is coming back next week... im excited but also kinda scared cuz its gonna be really different. emailed Suby when i got back to my room, confirming that i'll have "Pasta Pies & Cats" performed at the composers recital . turns out the recital is cancelled this quarter. kinda sucks, but i can always do it next quarter. ate dinner with the floor, went to Brun Cafe with Tammy, and spent the rest of the night talking with Carman after a GIG with Lisa in my room.

Thursday (today) - breakfast with Carman didn't happen =(. not that i'm surprised or anything. happens to me all the time... i hate it but i'm used it by now. a scooter ride to campus helped me forget everything, kicking off my morning with an early piano practice before my lesson. i spent the hour break at the East Gate, then came back for COmposition class, which i was totally unprepared for. but i said i'll have something ready for Tuesday, so i better work hard. the reason i brought my scooter was cuz i had to rush back to Hedrick for our floor BBQ at 3. i made it in time to walk with everyone to Sunset Rec. met a lot of people on my floor that i havent met before, and had a great time eating chips and BBQ (thanks Brian for cooking!) and talking to everybody. had to leave early though, since i had to get to CS50 to soundcheck for IV. Missions Catalyst was great... i always love playing piano during reflection times. its so much more free than a normal worship set. everyone kinda disappeared afterwards, so i took my scooter back until i caught up with Janelle and Jolene, then walked with them. and now i'm back in my room feeling pretty tired. life is so eventful these days, and i can definitely use a break like this to slow down and think a little bit. there's plenty to look forward to this weekend, and i cant wait to see how everything turns out. anyways, time to shut up now. bye!

11/09: in history class again being very 'productive'. plans for this weekend are finally confirmed. on Saturday i'll be staying for the whole game, and hopefully i'll know people who are staying too. come on, its a free game =). as for Sunday, i'm very excited to announce my first-ever GROUP CARSPOTTING TRIP in Beverly Hills. since i'm free all day, i can go anytime i want as long as the sun's up. it's an open invite, meaning anyone can join me as long as you're capable of enjoying hours of car-freak insanity. Spyder and Dash from Car-Parazzi will be there, and whoever else wants to come is welcome too. it's gonna be a great day of meeting friends and shooting cars together. and plus it's a Sunday, and there's always good stuff out there on Sundays...

11/07: i'm in the middle of history class right now and dont feel like paying attention... and yes, i have computer/internet access in SMB now. its about time i found my way to those awesome CLICC laptops =). and i can definitely use a few extra hours to fix up the three things i need to do to my homepage - update pictures, put up new wallpapers, and return to main server. i havent done much of that in my room, simply cuz i've been spending my free time working on my new composition which is due tomorrow. i'm still feeling pretty motivated, especially after an intense but awesome hour and a half of practicing piano this morning. i felt so priveleged being in a room with a great piano, reserved just for me =). so far my theory seems to work well. i decided to use both of my reservation hours on the 10AM-11AM slot, assuming not many people are around in the morning, so i can take Elizabeth's room when i get there at 9 and have two full hours to practice.

for those who didnt know, i'm staying at school again this weekend. this quarter i'm actually staying three weekends (yes thats a lot!) - the first for Fallcon, this weekend for the football game, and one weekend in December for the Christmas concert. yes, i'm going to my first football game. and i get in for free =). the UCLA Chorale is performing during halftime, so dont forget to turn on the TV if ur not there in person =). we rehearse friday afternoon and saturday morning, then stay at the Rose Bowl til night. as for Sunday, my plans are still tentative, but i'm thinking about inviting the Car-Parazzi to join me if i go hunting in Beverly Hills, since they're often there on weekends. but i'll finish my composition before worrying about that. two of the three (very short) movements are already done, and the third will be done this evening. theres even a chance i might get this piece played at the composers recital. we'll see...

so anyways, this is a pretty pointless entry. i'm just exercising my power to kill time during class =). its almost time to go, so i'll shut up now. bye!

11/03: just got back from the Hilltop... seems like i haven't been there in a long time. it's great to be back. it's great to be home. sure, two weeks isn't a big deal, especially to all you Norcal/out-of-state people who haven't gone home since school started. but with so much happening in the past few weeks, its nice to have time to sit quietly and reflect.

Monday- breakfast with Victoria. practiced piano. classes. even with an amazing 8 hours of sleep, i was still insanely tired during class. and for some reason the Ethno department always puts out their coffee at the wrong time these days, so im probably gonna have to start bringing my own caffiene on days when i need it. walked back with Tracy, dinnered with Lisa Richard and Megan. studdied at night with lots of breaks inbetween. dont worry, the homework wasn't due the next day...

Tuesday - breakfast & piano. went back to Hedrick right after class to study - the whole daylight savings thing seems to make me feel much more tired every day after class. but after last week's incredible carwatching success (Golden Triangle 13 and another West Gate hunt on Friday), i decided to take an entire week off from hunting to focus on studying. its only because my history midterm (my only midterm) was Thursday. then again, the rest of my academic life seemed to revolve around Thursday too. more on that later. i did, however, make time for a quick Hawaiiian BBQ dinner in Westwood with Anny Tammy and Richard. after dinner we realized we were less than a block away from Pinkberry, so Richard (who never went there before) made an executive decision to take a detour. and he feel deeply in love with it =). more studying back in my room... i took two breaks, one at 9PM when Elizabeth came to chill and another at around 10:30 when i went to visit Sophia. haven't talked to her in sooo long... she didn't understand why my bed is bunked even though its a double room, so she came down to see for herself. long story short, our study break (she had hw too) didn't end until 1AM. not that im complaining or anything...

Wednesday - breakfast with Tracy and Jared. practiced piano as usual... it seems like i've officially fallen in love with practicing piano - i go there early without hesitation, and relive my Sonata's plot day after day, and it's so encouraging when i realize i'm actually getting better at it. orchestration class was great, mostly cuz i got an awesome inspiration for my Trio that's due next Wednesday. more details on that after the piece starts to come together. dinnered with Richard Tim Jeff and Will. usually people dont like hiking up the hill to visit me, but when the dining hall has Korean BBQ ribs, it's a different story =). the rest of the night was spent doing hardcore studying (real studying, without taking breaks or anything) with Denise. she totally saved my life cuz i had no notes to study from. went to her apartment (south of Wilshire!! thank God she has a car..) and studied til almost midnight when we finally figured out most of the things on the ridiculously disorganized review sheet Knapp gave us. came back to Hedrick, did a little more studying, and went to sleep early.

Thursday - the quickest breakfast i ate this schoolyear, kicking off the longest (most intense) day this schoolyear. its like those days in high school when you have multiple chapter tests back to back, along with a project or two due. i thought having only one midterm would make life easy, except for the fact that the midterm happens to be an insanely hard one. add a piano lesson right before the test and a composition reading session right after, and no lunchbreak as usual. i actually care a lot about piano this year, at least enough to make me go to SMB early and sit (study) in the hallway until Elizabeth came out so i could steal her practice room to warm up for a whopping 15 minutes. even though i was tired, the lesson went pretty well (its definitely the attitude that counts =) ). spent the next hour wandering aimlessly around the music building with my review sheet desperately memorizing every word on it. then the clock struck 11 and the midterm began. as usual i worked pretty fast so i could get out of there. it wasnt particularly easy (or hard), but i should definitely start taking notes so i'll be more prepared for the final. but thats still far away. walked around campus for half an hour, and went back to SMB for the composition reading session. (for non music majors: it's a special class where the professor brings in musicians to play our in-progress compositions to let us hear how it sounds). prof. Krouse extended the class to three hours long - not exactly something i had energy for at th etime. but it was totally worth it. for the first time i felt pretty confident about my piece - on Sibelius it sounds like a crappy 8-bit circus. and now finally it sounds like real music. definitely encouraging for me as i continue to work on it. at last, my long day at SMB was over, and i returned to my room to spend some time with God in worship and prayer, slowly accepting the fact that everything i had stressed for this week was finally over. dinner with IV people followed by Catalyst only made things better. theres no better way to end a stressful day than to gather with a bunch of friends and worship together. back in Hedrick i chilled at the computer taking care of some stuff i've been desperately behind on. Elizabeth came over again n we chatted til midnight. then i got an email saying its the last week to reserve practice rooms so i went to find her again to get the room numbers. yes, i'm a stupid senior who never used the reservation system before. but now i have two hours every week in two of my favorite rooms, reserved just for me =). Brian n Lisa came over to chill afterwards... the cup noodles were REALLY tempting, except it was 1AM and i didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night having to use the bathroom. i had thought i was gonna sleep early since i was so tired, but as the night progressed i got more and more high on the fact that i could finally relax completely. there's only one thing left to do - my Trio for orchestration class. but with the quirky inspiration from Wednesday still on my mind, its something i look forward to doing.

Friday - oh wait, that's today huh? ok anyways... another good side of having ahistory midterm yesterday is that section is cancelled today, meaning i ahve no class today at all. i woke up for breakfast just for the heck of it, and ate with Tracy who had her history test today. back in my room i began working on the Trio until my mom came to pick me up. got Lollicup for lunch =). haven't had that in a long time. and now i'm once again back at home.

there's lots to do this weekend, namely organizing a bunch of stuff on the computer to bring to/from school. i'm hoping to be back on the main server soon, and also hopefully have time to post the long-overdue pictures from San Francisco and the new schoolyear. and of course, the huge wallpapers update that was lost when my computer crashed is once again in progress. and all those cars that i have to add to the ECPG... there's so much i have to do that i'm almost as stressed as i was before the history midterm. but at least i don't get graded on this or anything. anyways, it's getting late and i can definitely use the weekend to catch up on some sleep. so i guess i'll shut up now. bye!

11/02: it's a shame that i've been too busy to find time to write about anything deeper than the typical what-i-did-this-week entries. if i had more time, i would write and reflect much more on my father's legacy, the things i learned at Catalina, and other things that i associate with this time of the year. today marks exactly five years since i began writing this journal, and as some of you probably know (and the old entries still show), the journal was born through a humbling experience that still contributes greatly to who i am today. (read the old entries or ask me if u wanna know). i didn't know how to respond to it at first, but i knew there was a lesson to be learned. so amidst the seemingly infinite passion of my "social revolution" (God's answer to several years of desperate prayers), i gave up something that consumed a great amount of my time and energy - chatting on AIM - in order to focus more on realizing my own fault and learning from it, as well as prepare for my upcoming SAT. throughout the years, God often used "technology fasts" to teach me important life lessons that could not be learned otherwise. this most recent instance, which began as a surprise when my laptop broke the day before i moved back in to Hedrick Hall, has forced me to leave my room to go out and meet friends, many of whom i would not know today if i didn't accept the initial sacrifice.

i remember the night i spent on the Hilltop asking God to speak to me about whether or not it was right for me to buy my new computer. i considered purchasing it partly because the deal was about to end, and also because my classes were demanding it more and more. after waiting for a long time and receiving no clear response, i concluded that i could buy it because God heard my prayer but didn't stop me from taking action. as time passed, God clearly proved Himself faithful once again. this past week has proven that i could not have accomplished nearly as much as i did without a workstation in my own room. i did not, however, use the computer as a part of my social life by any means, and continued to advocate relationships independent of technology. despite many people telling me to forget about the whole waiting-for-God thing and instantly take advantage of having a brand new computer, i followed my heart and waited patiently day after day.

as i reflected on what happened in high school five years ago and how i responded to it, i thought about using it as a good time to make the new computer truly my own, meaning going back on AIM and other things i haven't allowed myself to do yet. God recently revealed to me that today also marks the completion of a 40-day fast from AIM, since it's been exactly 40 days since my laptop broke. today was also a busy academic day with a midterm, a piano lesson, and a composition reading session. now that midterms (yes i only had one) are done for this quarter, i'll have much more free time to spend at the computer and truly settle into it. with these things in mind, i'm glad to say that this "technology fast" has officially come to an end. once again, i leave with many important lessons learned, and i pray that they will have a lasting effect on me. i haven't signed online yet simply because i'm still getting used to how Macs work, and AIM is among a list of many things i need to install. but to my own surprise, waiting an extra day doesn't bother me at all. in fact, i can wait another week if i needed to. once again my social life has become completely independent of the shallow, lazy approach that this generation (especially college students) too often falls into. but i must admit one thing - there are many people that i haven't talked to for over a month because of this fast, and if you're one of them, i really really miss you. i can't wait to be back again. as soon as i take care of all the technical details, i'll be back online. but i guarantee that i will not be the same as i used to be. God has a reason for everything, and i can already clearly see how much He has done in my life (and in other people's lives) through my willing sacrifice. in the same way i accepted His call to go on the fast, i now accept His invitation to return. i'm sure He has a reason for bringing me back, and i can't wait to see the great things He will continue to do in my life.