10/31: Prayer and Reflections on Catalina while fasting

After having gone to CBS for five times, everything there seemed familiar already. I was still fascinated by its beauty, but I no longer felt the need to always run outside on my own and explore. Fully aware that it was my last time at the camp, I constantly asked myself how my life has been changed by it.

Unfortunately, it's not easy for me to answer the question with a long list of responses other than those having to do with the island's physical beauty. Yes, I learned a lot in Mark Study, but I spent half the time complaining in my heart about how different it was from the way I grew up reading the Bible. The camp also gave birth to many friendships that wouldn't exist otherwise. But somehow in the end I always felt alone. Like I've written about many times, I'm not the type of personality that IV usually attracts, and it simply doesn't feel right to be with so many people that are all so different from myself. Perhaps it's my own fault, or perhaps I'm right by not always fitting in. But over the years one thing I came to conclude was that regardless of how much or how little religious background the people in IV had, they were humble deep inside and were willing to serve and obey as god called them to. Through these years, it became more and more clear to me that I lacked this trait, and I knew that no matter how differnet I was from them, I wanted to learn from them in that way.

At my last Fall Conference, I listened closely to the words our speaker, Doug Schaupp, had to say. On the last night, he spoke on the parables of the hidden treasure and the pearl, and explained that even though we know God is a treasure worth selling all our possessions to buy, we often choose to hold on to smaller treasures simply because we refuse to give them up. At the end of the night, we were given an invitation to go to the front and place marbles, which represented pearls, in various bowls, each representing an area we wanted to srurender before God. I placed my marbles in four bowls - appearance, comfort, money, and self-sufficiency - and received prayer at each station.

I chose appearance because I'm often overly concerned about looking and acting right in front of other people. I chose comfort because I've become so accustomed to living comfortably that it's hard for me to give it up. Sometimes I can be extremely stingy with my money, holding on to every penny and not being nearly as generous as I should. Lastly, I've always lived a life that focuses on depending on myself rather than on God, and often take things into my own hands when God already has them under control.

On the last morning before returning to UCLA, we got to choose one of several seminars for the areas represented by the bowls. It was difficult to single out one area I struggled with most, but in the end I chose to attend the seminar for comfort. I decided against it at first, but God reminded me that the reason I wanted to avoid it was that it might tell me to do something that requires being uncomfortable, and that's the very lesson I needed to learn.

Many people were surprised that I chose the comfort seminar, since I'm extremely disciplined in areas that cause most people to be lazy. But for me, comfort involves much more than just sitting in front of a TV or computer all day. Despite my good discipline and my ability to look like a good 'Christian', m willingness to be humble is only present when I can stay in my comfort zone. If God wants me to talk to someone I don't want to talk to, go somewhere I don't want to go, or do anythign else that requires a sacrifice, my answer is probably no. In fact, all four bowls I placed marbles in the previous night can ultimately be summed up with the idea of being comofortable.

I was placed in a small group with Leiman, Charles, and Darren, and after sharing about what we gave up for God, we decided it was time to take these things seriously and keep each other accountable and disciplined. We decided to start with a three-meal fast during the week that we would observe and break together. I was a bit hesitant to agree at first, and countless excuses popped up in my head that made me want to argue against it. But God reminded me that I needed to learn to break out of my comfort zone, and it's been years since I last gave up food voluntarily. Amidst a lifestle in which snacks are part of almost everything I do, I find it extremely hard to give up eating for a day. But I know I definitely need some quality time with God, since the excitement of college life often makes me forget about everything besides academics and entertainment.

So these are the things I pray for -

God, thank You for the realization that I'm in need of discipline. Thank you for prompting me to step into discomfort for Your name's sake. In the same way I'm sacrificing food in order to draw closer to you, may You make me willing to sacrifice comfort in my attitudes toward school and my interactions with other people. Teach me to be more aware of and receptive to Your calling in these areas, so that my life at UCLA will not ultimately be about me. May I be a blessing to my classmates, friends, and everyone else around me who needs to experience Your love. May I have no shame in the gospel and feel the burden to let those around me hear the good news.

I'm still not sure what to make of my current living sitaution. But thank You for all the friends who have allowed me to spend the night at their places. It's definitely refreshing to get out of my car every once in a while. Continue to provide for me and for Jayson, and help us to continue trusting in You as You pave the way for us one day at a time. As for my social life that has flourished as a result of having no permanent home at UCLA, may I always remember that it is part of Your plan, and not treat it as something that exists simply for my pleasure. Teach me to love those that You have brought into my life in a way that makes our friendshipsp much deeper than simply eating and studying together.

Sometimes when I call you God, I forget that I'm acknowledging You as someone greater than what I actually treat You as. May this fast only be the beginning of a long-term pursuit of discipline, and may I learn to put You in the center of my life rather than only inserting You in places I need help in. Bless my brothers Leiman, Charles, and Darren as we pursue a closer relationship with You. May You honor our fast and motivate us to continue keeping each other accountable. May Your will be done in our lives as it is in heaven. Amen.

10/28: Sunday evening at Jerry's computer while waiting to eat dinner at 8:40(!!!). Catalina was amazing as usual, but i'll save that for another entry when i have time. for now, let me get the Week4 update out of the way, cuz if i combine it with next week's then it would take way more time than i'm willing to devote to it. so here it is-

Sunday- took Julia back to UCLA with me, dropped her off @ Dykstra then parked and went up to Hedrick 5N as usual. it was Trinh's birthday so i called her, only to discover that she was with the rest of the gang (Christine Antony Jerry) having a super late dinner at Covel just like the previous week. Christine agreed to swipe me (thanks!=) ), so i went to join them even though i already got a smoothie. spent the rest of the night chilling in the 5N lounge and studying. had a late night Bruin Cafe run, then went to sleep

Monday - breakfast with Christina then with Jane. went to the Rieber music room to watch Jane practice conducting then walked together to Young for chem lab stuff that i don't understand. praticed organ, then lunched with Jessica(Yun). went to Westwood to take care of some relocation business. sat at Rendezvous and ended up joining Derek Jerry and Brice to go to the bank (yes, i went back to Westwood again!) then got Diddy Riese. chilled @ Derek Jerry & Bryce's room then in Antony's room. dinnered w/ Christine Trinh Jerry and Antony at Deneve (we actually went somewhere other than Covel! haha). spent another night in the 5N lounge, studying with Jerry Derek Andrew and Elaine. except this time i took a very good nap as a studdie break. got Puzzles and BC with the 5N gang... i didn't have extra swipes but i said if anyone got nuggets i would partake, and Derek got nuggets so i ate a bunch before going to sleep.

Tuesday- breakfast with Bernice and Alan. practiced and did some work in teh Mancini Studio, then had class. lunched with Victor at Rieber. sat @ Rendezvous and went to Kelly's room to hang out (and nap). thanks for inviting me out of the bad air. attended the GOC dorm dinner again. Tiffany called Christine to see if she was coming, and i used Tiffany's phone and pretended i was her, and Christine totally fell for it =). hahaha... dinnered again with Elizabeth in Hedrick, then helped with some theory homework (yes, i do miss theory hehe). moved in to Dianne and Paige's room and had a cup noodle party. visited 2N for a few minutes too. thanks Dianne and Paige for letting me stay over =).

Wednesday - breakfast at Deneve with Sophia. i'm pretty sure i'll be having breakfast at Deneve on Wednesdays from now on =). practiced, lunched with Jessica Jason and Abraham, chilled with Derek outside Rendezvous. went to the first meeting of my individual studies "class" with Chihara, which turned out to be 15 minutes long. and class is cancelled next week. i still can't believe how chill it is, especially for a 4-unit course. went to Hedrick 5N to prepare for All-Hill Halloween, specifically making a last-minute costume for myself. after several years of the grocery bag costome, i decided to spice things up a little bit and replaced the bag with a box. more details on that later, but i ended up dinnering with CHristine & floor in Covel, visiting Sophia and Brian in Deneve, hanging out in Rieber (2N and 7N), and touring every floor in Hedrick. also went to Rendezvous with CHristine Derek and Trinh - in my costume. people literally stopped me to take pictures. it was soo awesome... i'll post pics when i get home this weekend. spent the night studying in Christine's room.

Thursday - breakfast with Esther and Brian. spent the morning moving and packing. got settled in lot 8, then walked with Natalie and Tina to campus. organized my locker in SMB (temporary storage place for two weeks of clothes, plus my halloween costume). whole day of classes. dinnered with the Rieber IV group... i ran into them on my way to Rendezvous and got invited to join them, so i didn't have to eat alone =). went to Catalyst, met Amanda and talked afterwards until i had to head up to Hedrick before 9PM. spent the night studying and hanging out in 5N.

Friday - used my breakfast swipe on an ice blend =). spent the morning in the Mancini Studio working on Yejee's song... it's my first time using Logic Pro for non-academic purposes, and i'm absolutely in love with it. at this point i'm almost certain i'll buy the program, as long as i motivate myself to go to the store to do so. lunched with Christine in Hedrick, then drove over to SV Parking Structure to meet for Fall Conference. i took Melanie Kelly Alex and Greg (all from Hedrick) on my car... it was quite an insane drive cuz of all the traffic, plus i never drove that way before so i didn't know how far the 110 freeway was. but fortunately we didn't get lost and made it on time. parked my car at the church, then met back with everyone at San Pedro. chilled with Juliann & gang and played spoons (random objects? haha). took the boat to Catalina. had our orientation meeting and the first sermon. had an awesome talk with Juliann on the dock before going to sleep.

Saturday - awesome day at Catalina, and unfortunatley m last full day at CBS. spent free time walking along the beach, talking to some people, and playing keyboard in the main deck. also went to the cross for a bit before dinnertime. as usual, it's such an amazing place. and yes there's a bunch of pic scoming soon after i go home this weekend.

Sunday - you can't have a bad day when you wake up on the dock. seriously... i'm gonna miss sleeping there soooo much. played piano some more in the morning before breakfast. we had our last meeting in the main deck, then a few small group meetings, then some time to take pictures and say goodbye... then it was time to go home. i can't believe it's over already. we got back to UCLA at around 3-ish, but i didn't settle down until an hour later after moving everything back from my locker to my car, then parking and organizing everything, then going to Hedrick to shower. found Jerry studying in the lounge and joined him, and now i'm in his room borrowing his computer while he's taking a nap. and i just realized i already summed up the catalina trip even though i wasn't planning on doing so. owellz... the trip definitely left me with a lot to think about though, and i'll be writing more about that when i have time. for now, there's a midterm (on Tuesday) i need to study for, so i'll shut up. bye!

10/26: My first night in lot 8

Praise God for a smooth morning of packing and moving yesterday. As the fires are calming down, the weather is also cooling, making the night much more comfortable than I expected. With the help of my scooter, the trip from the dorms to the lot, which is entirely downhill, requires almost no energy. The lot is extremely empty at night, and it definitely feels quite lonely. The sound of cars on the streets also takes getting used to, but it's really no big deal. I woke up spontaneously in the middle of the night several times like I always do when sleeping in a new place. As for the morning, the long journey up the hill wasn't nearly as bad as expected, especially after I found a shortcut that made the commute twice as fast. So far, everything seems to be working out fine, but it might only be becuase it's all so fresh and new right now. I won't know for sure until next week after I return from Catalina.

We're leaving for Catalina Island today at 2PM, and everything I have that I'm not bringing there is already moved to my locker in the Schoenberg Music Building, which for the first time is filled to the top. That should leave room in my car for passengers and luggage to bring to the dock. I pray that God will help me to drive safely and bless the traffic conditions. As for the short time I have to spend at the island, I pray that He can make the most out of it through studying His word and fellowshipping, making this last trip to CBS a most memorable one. For now, I must shut up and go to the Mancini Studio and make the most out of my weekly time slot. See you guys Sunday!

10/25: Prayer before relocation

God, I still don't understand why this must happen to me. But I believe it's all part of Your plan. I pray that You will make the moving process as smooth as possible. As for what my life in this new "home" will look like, I pray first of all that You grant me peace in my heart to face whatever hardships may come. Help me to adapt to this new environment and adjust to the inconveniences that come with it. Please bless my safety and continue to lead me according to Your will. Amen.

10/23: Wiston Group, Final Entry

The pictures hanging on the walls. The tables, chairs, and bookshelves. The countless items in the warehouse inventory, each adorned with log sheets. The boxes, pallets, shipping labels… everything seems so familiar, yet so different. The new Wiston Group building is not only large enough for each department to have its own room, but has plenty of space allocated for future expansion. As for the warehouse, there’s far more room than needed, and everything is now organized so well that even a new worker with no knowledge in computers can locate items easily. Even though I no longer work there, I feel extremely blessed to have been a part of the journey that led the company to where it is now.

Attending the opening ceremony for the new location brought back many memories of my summer job. Even though I was a bit disappointed that several of the people I expected to see there didn’t show up, it was great reuniting with those who did, catching up and getting a glimpse of life in the new office and all the work it took to move there. After a delicious lunch, Michael gave a presentation of the history of the company and Pastor Chen and Pastor Liu prayed blessings over it. I found out a lot about Wiston Group that I never knew before, and it only reinforces my understanding that the company is a gift from God and that my role in it was no accident.

It felt strange to transition from being a warehouse worker to a UCLA student in a matter of days. The work I once spent nine to ten hours a day doing was replaced by studying and building relationships as a college student. The money I earned in the summer helped me to buy a new car, making my weekly commutes to and from school much more comfortable. What I didn’t expect, though, was that this car also became my home at school. After having no luck in finding a place to live this quarter, I decided to settle with sleeping in the passenger seat and occasionally spending nights in friend’s rooms when invited to do so. Even though I’m still seeking an apartment to settle down in, I’m constantly asking myself if my current living situation is God’s will. I’m perfectly fine with the way things are now, despite a few occasional inconveniences. And whatever happens, my prayer is for God’s will to be done.

Having just reread all of my journals about working at Wiston Group, I find myself reliving the moments that made this past summer so memorable. The story itself has become quite distant already, but the things I learned from it continue to impact my everyday life. Having no home at school has forced me to be even more outgoing than I already was, resulting in many new or strengthened friendships. It is in these friendships that I find myself living out the lessons of faith, humility and obedience that I learned and am still continuing to learn.

When asked what I did in the summer, I answered by briefly telling the story of my time at Wiston Group, explaining how it was God who lead me through the amazing journey. Most of my friends said they couldn’t picture me working in a warehouse, to which I replied that I couldn’t picture myself doing so either. It was so out of my character, yet it was the very character that I needed to grow in. Sure, sometimes I feel like I’m still the same old me, filled with pride and putting myself above all else. But I’m constantly reminded that it is because of my imperfections that I need God’s grace and forgiveness.

Sometimes God leads us through paths that deviate from what seems like His overall plan, putting us in temporary situations where we feel out of place. But at the end, we return to the main path with new insight. Perhaps we discover the life we are not meant to live. Perhaps we get a glimpse of those who are different from ourselves. Perhaps the wisdom we gain will remain with us no matter what path we end up choosing. As a musician, I may end up becoming anything from a beggar to a millionaire. But through working at Wiston Group I have exposed myself to a new kind of lifestyle that I will forever feel attached to in one way or another. I don’t know if I’ll ever find myself working in a warehouse again, but I know that my future is entirely in God’s hands, and in the same way He faithfully gave me my summer job, I’m sure He will pave the way for my future career goals if I’m willing to trust Him.

I find it extremely difficult to write an ending for such an extraordinary story. But I know that it is only one chapter of a much greater story that God is yet to reveal in my life. For now, I can sum up the things I learned in the same passage from James that awakened me from my life of faithlessness - "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind" (James 1: 5-6). God knew my needs all along, and provided for me every time I laid down my frustrations before Him and gave Him my trust. May I always remember the story of my summer at Wiston Group, cherishing the countless lessons I learned as I proceed into new chapters of my life. And no matter where these lessons will lead me in the future, I pray above all that they will help me to live a life that gives glory to the God whose great plans never fail.

10/22: Prayer before visiting the Transportation Services office regarding relocation

As I prepare to face a moment that can completely transform my current life as I know it, I find myself angry, helpless, and scared. God, help me to remember that whatever happens, it's all part of your plan. Should things not go my way, may I face it with a positive attitude. And if things turn out better than expected, may I remember that it only happened through your kindness and mercy. I have prayed for a sign telling me whether or not it's right for me to live where I live now, and if this situation is your answer, then may You show it clearly and leave me no question that I'm following your will. Help me to open my heart to whatever you have to tell me through this situation, regardless of how it turns out. But may you guide me as I go to face what is beyond my control, and give me wisdom to speak to the right people at the right time. Above all, let Your will be done. Amen.

10/21: getting ready to go back to school. had an awesome time today at the opening ceremony of the new WIston Group location. i got to see most of the people i worked with this summer, and i'll also be writing the last of my Wiston Group Journals very soon. actually i should have done so by now already, but i chose to give my car a quick bath instead, since it was ridiculously dirty and i want it to look nice since i'm driving to Fall Con. speaking of Fall Con, yes, i'm going to Catalina this coming weekend, which means i won't be coming home for two weeks. i'm almost certain that i've already figured out a way to update my site from school, so i doubt i'll actually disappear for two whole weeks. but in case it happens, don't say i didn't warn you =). my trunk is pretty much entirely full right now, since i had to pack for this week, next week, AND Catalina. i have to admit that as much as i don't mind sleeping in my little 'home' at UCLA, i'm not exactly looking forward to going back to school now, since i really don't know how long i can stay at the place i'm staying now. but i still pray that God's will be done above everything else. tomorrow i'll probably go talk to the office about my situation and see what happens. but even if things don't work out, i pray that i can remain calm and believe that it's part of God's plan. please keep me in your prayers, cuz it's hard for me to handle this burden on my own. with that said, i think it's time for me to shut up and go finish my dinner so i can leave. have a great week (or two) everyone! =)

10/20: Having been a part of Intervarsity Christian Fellowship ever since I came to UCLA, I never felt the need to go “fellowship-hopping” like most Christian freshmen do. Through IV I made friends, learned about God, and participated in ministry in several ways. Sure, there were times when I didn’t exactly feel like I fitted in very well. But I always overlooked them and believed that God wanted me to learn to persevere. Now that I’m almost graduating, I’m stepping back from ministry to reflect on what this fellowship has meant to me in these past four years. Earlier this quarter, I was invited to check out another fellowship, Grace on Campus, with some friends. I decided that since it’s my last quarter at UCLA, there’s no harm in potentially becoming a member of two fellowships. Besides, I had always been a bit curious about this group that I heard so much about. People who have been in GOC often testify to how much they’ve learned and grown, and those who have joined seem surprisingly certain that they’re in the right place. In the three meetings I’ve attended, I met many new friends, and through our conversations I began to discover for myself what it is that makes so many people attracted to GOC.

Of course, there’s always those moments of tension when I admit to them that I’m actually part of Intervarsity. Many people consider IV and GOC direct opposites, with the former being liberal and the latter being conservative. First of all, I really dislike using the two words, because they are simply too vague to accurately describe any church or fellowship. Every group can be liberal and conservative in its own way. And I definitely don’t believe small doctrinal issues that lead to these labels should create barriers among believers. We all read the same Bible and worship the same God, and if this God commands us to love even our worst enemies, He certainly wants us to do the same to other believers.

I was surprised that my initial assumption that GOC consisted of only traditional hymns and a long sermon was only a stereotype that resulted from so many people telling me how conservative they were. Sure, it took me a while to get used to the fact that not everyone claps and dances during songs. But they sang the same songs used by every other Christian group I’ve attended, and by no means did I feel out of place. As for the sermons, I really appreciate how the speaker focuses on the Bible without trying too hard to appeal to people. Sometimes preachers put too much emphasis on making the Bible sound appealing to nonbelievers and it ends up losing much of its power. In order for Christians to grow, sometimes we need to stop worrying about confusing nonbelievers in the room and accept the Bible for what it is, regardless of how bizarre it may sound. The same applies to other areas of ministry. It bothers me when Christian groups try so hard not to appear religious and don’t realize that the music they play in the background speaks of the very things the Bible speaks against. When we worry about trying to fit into popular culture, we’re simply taking God’s work into our own hands, when in reality He already has it under His control. Ultimately it’s God who saves people, and if we are all willing to live lives that reflect God’s love, we are already planting seeds in the lives of those around us.

One thing I like most about GOC is that it is directly backed up by a church. In fact, it is an extension of the church (Grace Community Church) that focuses on college campus ministry. Working with a church means not only more support through prayer and finances, but a more mature leadership consisting of pastors who have had much more experience than most college leaders do. Christians who come to college are usually searching for not only a fellowship, but a church to commit to. And the way this ministry is set up to lead people into the church makes it extra attractive to such people.

Perhaps that’s one of the main differences between GOC and IV. GOC functions like a church, providing a home for Christians to grow and fellowship while welcoming nonbelievers to get to know God. IV’s focus is more on reaching out to nonbelievers, specifically freshmen and transfer students, providing an environment that doesn’t seem too churchlike but still prompts people to explore the faith and grow spiritually. Of course, either extreme has its weaknesses. A churchlike environment may not seem as appealing to those who don’t know God. But focusing primarily on evangelism can limit a Christian’s growth in other important areas. The bottom line is that God calls everyone to different ministry needs, and no matter where a fellowship falls on this spectrum, it needs to remember that it seeks to serve God above all else and allow Him to take control.

What made me return to GOC each week was not only because I wanted to encounter God and spend time with my friends who invited me, but because people were simply very nice. Yes, it’s only the beginning of the year and it’s easy for everyone to appear nice in order to attract more people to the fellowship. But the openness I see in these people is genuine, and they treat me the same way even after discovering that I’m not a freshman like most of them thought I was based on appearance. They wanted to know about my life, my faith, and how I ended up in their midst. They spoke about the Bible with no shame, standing firm in what they believe. Sure, there were times when some people seemed a bit too preachy. But as a Christian I admit it’s better to be too preachy than to not preach at all. I’ve talked to several freshmen who told me they chose GOC simply because they felt welcomed by its people. And after experiencing it myself, I know they’re telling the truth.

Of course, this is not to say that IV people aren’t welcoming. To be honest, I’ve always felt a bit out of place with the IV community. But that’s simply because every group has its dominant personality traits and appeals to its own types of individuals, and I’m not exactly the type that tends to be attracted to IV. Personally, I consider myself more of the “conservative” type, and it bothers me when people seem to emphasize God as a friend and forget that He is holy. But I believe it has always been God’s will for me to be part of IV. As a worship team member, I was blessed with the opportunity to experience new styles of worship I would have never encountered otherwise. I learned to interact with a much more diverse group of people, thanks to IV’s emphasis on racial reconciliation. The fellowship also focuses on justice, service, and missions, things that many American churches today often avoid in fear of leaving its comfort zone. At first, I was quite disappointed at IV’s approach to Bible study, focusing almost entirely on a few specific books (the gospels) and basically omitting the rest. Even though I wish to see more of the bigger picture of the Bible as a whole, I must admit I learned more about the gospels than I did anywhere else, and am now able to study the Bible in depth on my own like I did in small group meetings. Sure, I often felt (and still often feel) socially out of place with the IV community. But I believe God intentionally gave me the challenge to leave my own comfort zone, forcing me to sing songs in styles that made me feel uncomfortable and speak with people I wouldn’t have talked to otherwise.

As my time at UCLA approaches its end, my focus is no longer on what a fellowship can do for me, but what it has taught me that will remain with me after I graduate. Having visited several churches, fellowships, and small groups, I often remind myself and my friends that no body of Christians is perfect, and that one shouldn’t join a fellowship expecting it to fulfill every spiritual need. Just as God’s calling for every fellowship is different, He has a unique plan for every individual, and it is important to know how to question authorities, even church leaders, and remember that no human is perfect.

Perhaps many people will disagree with some of the things I wrote about the two fellowships. But I’m simply writing based on the impressions I got from them, and often these impressions are what people use to determine what fellowship to join. This entry is by no means speaking against either fellowship, since we are all sinners and each group has its own weaknesses. The one thing I’m criticizing, though, is the tension often experienced between the two fellowships. Last night I got to speak with a sister in GOC who I have known for a few years, and we were able to openly share our feelings about each other’s fellowships. It really makes me wonder why there’s so much tension between the two groups when they both exist to serve a God of love. No matter how different our doctrines and foci are, we study the same Bible which tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. So we need to throw our criticisms aside and learn to consider each other’s points of view. Perhaps it’s a good thing to remain as separate fellowships to fulfill our individual callings from God. And besides, most doctrinal differences result from different interpretations of scripture, and the Bible doesn’t specifically say who’s right and who’s wrong. But ultimately we need to remember that we belong in the same family and serve the same God. I visited GOC with the mentality of a freshman searching for a fellowship, and the people there have done a great job of making me feel welcome and making me want to come back. And it’s simply because they accept me for who I am and demonstrate God’s love by welcoming me both before knowing my name and after getting to meet me. They’ve set an example that I believe every fellowship should embrace, and I’m pretty sure I will be attending both GOC and IV regularly for the rest of this quarter, fulfilling God’s call to worship and fellowship while continuing to bridge the gap between the two groups.

10/19: Week3 update. it's funny how most of the time when I feel like everything is finally settling down, God always throws something unexpected at me. yes, it's frustrating sometimes, but i guess that's what makes life exciting. about this whole relocation problem, there's nothing i can do about it until i get back to school, so for now i should stop worrying about it and pray for the best. anyways, here's the update-

Sunday - took Ben back to UCLA, got a smoothie at Bruin Cafe with my last swipe of the week (i miss Premier! =/), and hiked up to Hedrick only to find Christine and Trinh about to go down to Covel for dinner. so since Christine offered to swipe me, i went with them. and don't forget I just ate dinner before going back to school. went back to 5N afterwards n joined Jerry in studying until around midnight.

Monday - practiced organ, went to find Chihara to complete my independent study paper. had lunch w/ Jessica(Yun) at Deneve. studied @ Bruin Cafe, then went to Tammy's apartment to work on our essay proposals for geography class. i have to admit as a music major, i really really miss times like this when i can do homework with friends who are in the same class, since music majors usually don't have homework except practicing and composing. Anny came over to join the fun too. we went to get some food at Ralph's, then had dinner with them at the apartment. to be honest, i can't really remember the last time i had dinner with college friends in an apartment. usually its either in the dining halls or out in westwood somewhere. but yea, it was definitely awesome - great people plus great food, namely home-cooked Asian food. they asked me to finish all the leftovers, so i did =). normally i try not to appear rude by overeating, but when the host asks me to do so, i'm not gonna complain. spent the night in Hedrick, beginning in Jane's room in 5S, since it was her birthday. met a bunch of her floormates who came in for cake. Lucy and Alex came over and we enjoyed an incredible piece of a huge brick of dark chocolate =). visited Lisa Melanie and Tammy in 3N afterwards, then went to Jamie's at around midnight to do some printing. ok fine, it was more than "some". but still, the university is paying for the ink, so why not take advantage of it? =).

Tuesday - breakfast with Bernice. walked to Young Hall with Steph(Liu). it's been a real long time since i went there, especially downstairs where the labratories are. ran into Rosemary, who immediately asked "aren't you a music major?". come on, i have to get out of SMB once in a while right? went to practice afterwards, then to class. lunched with Doris and Paula at Deneve. walked with Doris to campus, and went to turn in my individual studies form (completed with signatures) to Al Bradley, finally marking an end to enrolling in classes. went to my usual spot at Rendezvous... Jane came to join me for a quick lunch/dinner, went up to her room for a quick nap. ran into Sophia back at Rendezvous n joined her going to Bruin Cafe (apparently she ordered food at 4:59, so it counted as a lunch swipe). went to Sophia's room for another chill/study/nap break, and she successfully pursuaded me to join the GOC dorm dinner even though she wasn't there herself. i still knew a lot of people there though, so it wasn't all that intimidating. chilled in Hedrick 5N afterwards... studied with Jerry first, then chilled with Andy and Jonathan. went to play piano with Jonathan for a bit, then chilled back in the lounge with Christine Trinh Derek and Andrew til like 2AM. how do they have so much energy late at night?! haha...

Wednesday - breakfast with Antonio and Sophia at Deneve. after several unsuccessful attempts at finding people to eat with in Rieber, it's very likely i'll be spending Wednesdays at Deneve from now on. we'll see what happens... took Matthew for a quick tour of the music building, namely the organ rooms. it's one of those instruments that very few have experienced in person, and i'm glad to have access to both organ rooms =). practiced organ, then had lunch with JEssica Jason and Abraham. spent the afternoon at BruinCafe & Rendezvous. met up with Yejee for a music project we're working on... it's gonna be lots of fun, even though i'm still waiting for her to return my phone call cuz i have a bunch of questions hehe. went to Christine(Shen)'s for three games of Chinese Chess. one game turned out to be a tie. i don't think i've ever seen that happen before... but we ended up having pretty much nothing to move and no way of gaining any advantage. we went to get dinner at Puzzles and ate in the 2S lounge. i finally got to order those chicken nuggets, and they're actually quite good. now i need to try the ice cream =). took a chill/nap break at Christine's, then talked on the phone with Steph(Liang) in the hallway. (whoa... Yejee just called me back right now while i was writing. haha...). visited 7N and chilled at Christina's room until i left to go sleep.

Thursday - breakfast with Bernice. practiced organ and took a very good hour-long nap outside the back of Powell. had a whole day of class, which actually ended half an hour early, allowing me to check out a laptop and upload some Car-Parazzi pics before getting food at Bruin Cafe. went to Catalyst, then visited Hedrick again. discovered a random party in Trinh's room and ended up hanging out there the whole night. we did some studying and also had a balloon fight, which will soon be on YouTube =). got Bruin Cafe with Trinh Christine Derek and Jerry n chilled there until we decided to return to studying (which for me meant writing the previous journal entry hehe).

Friday - Mancini Studio in the morning. i finally got a key, so now i can sign up to use the studio anytime i want. had lunch with Michelle(Panh) at Deneve (gosh i've been eating there sooo much this week!). we took the bus to Santa Monica to get her cellphone fixed, during which I shot my first Mansory Flying Spur and got to meet a very nice Challenge Stradale owner. walked with Michelle to Anderson for some (free) water, then spent about an hour at my Rendezvous spot. met with Christine and Joey at 4:30 to join GOC at their BBQ event. met a bunch of people, got a good dose of worship and God's word. walked back with Derek n got Puzzles & Bruin Cafe on the way back. chilled in his room with Bryce n Jerry, then left at around 11 to drive home.

so anyways, now i'm back at home and getting ready for bed. Mom's gone this weekend, so Carol and I are on our own to survive. for now, i'll go to sleep and i'll write more tomorrow. goodnight!

10/18: Thursday night in Trinh's room "studying". i guess writing this counts as studying, cuz I'm figuring out important things in my life that will contribute to my future studying environment. I've been really tempted to buy myself a cheap used laptop for this quarter, then sell it back on eBay when school's over. it's gonna cost me more than I want to spend (until i sell it again), but I'm definitely still considering it, so if you know any good deals on laptops let me know =).

as of Tuesday, I'm finally enrolled in all the classes I need to be enrolled in, even though Chihara's actually in New York right now. so we're only gonna meet like 5 times, and I'm getting 4 units for it. it seems like even with all my classes in session, I'll still have a lot of free time. I've learned to take care of myself by squeezing in naps in random locations whenever possible to avoid looking like I'm on drugs. but that's only necessary when I don't get enough sleep at night. by now I can wake up in the car feeling like I would wake up at home, and I'm pretty sure it will only get better when I get more used to it.

apparently I'm gonna have some more readjusting to do though. earlier today I found out about an unexpected twist in my parking situation which will result in my home being relocated further away from the dorms. I'm gonna try to prevent the change, but there's really not much I can do. I'm pretty sure everythign will be fine though... to be honest, I'm more frustrated and angry about it (since it's not my fault) than actually worried, and I"m sure if this is God's will, He'll have something better in store for me. maybe my new "home" will be just as good as my current one with the exception of more inconvenience. or maybe i"ll be driven out and forced to find a real home as a result. I can only wait and see what will happen. for now, it's getting late and I better go take a shower and sleep. goodnight!

10/14: the end of another awesome weekend. there's always a lot of God in my life around this time of the week, since i go to IV on Thursday, GOC on Friday, PACT on Saturday, and church on Sunday. what an awesome way to prepare my heart for another week at school. had lunch @ Maxim Cafe with Ken after church today... haven't been there in years! chicken steak is so awesome =). came home and pretty much did busywork the whole afternoon. this weekend has been extremely productive, and i'm finally caught up in a lot of things that needed catching up in. first of all, the pictures page is finally up to date, with all the pics from summer and this current schoolyear added as of last night. i also updated my ucla phone book, which hasn't been updated since junior year, so now everything is all nice and organized once again.

i have about half an hour before leaving for school, so might as well write an update before i go computerless for another week. actually, i'll probably have to depend on the CLICC lab at some point this week, since i have a short essay due for geography on Thursday. having no laptop is probably my biggest complaint regarding my nomadic lifestyle, but as long as i'm able to get all my work done, there's nothing to worry about. if possible, i'd also like to set up a system that allows me to update during the week even without access to the main journal page. but that will have to wait for at least another week, or until whenever i have time.

Jamie has invited me back for this whole week, so as far as i know i won't be sleeping in my car at all. so in a sense im sacrificing a little convenience for a little comfort. its nice to switch between the two once in a while =). i wonder where Jayson has been living these days... seems like we're both surviving just fine so far. but we'll see what happens...

anyways, thats about it for now. i still have a little packing to do, so i better finish that up first so i can make sure i get to school on time. i'm taking Ben to UCLA too... i'm always reminding myself that it's such a privelege to have a car at school, so it's awesome to get to use it to help others. i'll probably volunteer to drive for fall conference too. speaking of fall conference, after this coming weekend i won't be home for two weeks, so i better have that whole temporary-update-system thing figured out as soon as possible =). it's gonna be an awesome trip though, and a very sad one too, since its my last time going to CBS and sleeping on the dock. but anyways, enough babbling for now. time to shut up and finish packing. have an awesome week, and see you next weekend (or during the week at ucla)! =)

10/13:In a typical conversation at the beginning of a new year in college, people always ask each other the same questions – your name, where you live, your major, your year, etc. My typical conversation this year usually involves having people guess my year and answering the countless questions that arise after I tell them I’m homeless. Some responded by insisting that I find a home since it’s too unsafe to sleep in my car. Others simply say that lots of students have done it before and it’s no big deal. After having spent a couple weeks as a nomad, sleeping in my car, in friend’s places, and taking naps all around campus when necessary, I must admit I’ve gotten quite used to this lifestyle. I’ve always enjoyed keeping things simple, and I know I can pull off a whole quarter of homelessness much more easily than most people can. Of course, I’m still in search of a permanent home, whether it’s my own room or a couch in a living room. But I’m starting to realize that the likelihood of being able to settle down is only going to decrease as time passes, and that whatever I decide to do in terms of my living situation, I need to figure it out very soon. People have given me just about every opinion possible, but now it’s time to ask myself the same question – am I okay with having no permanent home for an entire quarter?

My initial answer has always been no. As much as I joke about it, it simply seems ridiculous as a long-term plan, and when more schoolwork kicks in as the quarter progresses, I’m going to feel an increasing need for a place to call home. But through a couple conversations in this past week, my attitude has begun to change, and I’m starting to realize that perhaps God has a plan in putting me where I am now.

Last week as I was sharing and praying with Bryan Shaw during cell group, I mentioned how I feel guilty when I stay at the same friend’s place too many nights, since I’m actually capable of affording a place on my own. He replied by suggesting that I live out God’s love by serving my hosts through chores, gifts, or through meeting any particular needs they have. After all, Jesus spent His life on earth without a permanent home, and lived as a servant. I’ve always been afraid that making the decision to settle as a nomad would simply be the result of using God as an excuse for my own laziness to search for a home. But through this conversation I realized that there’s a possibility for this to actually be part of God’s plan rather than a punishment for my own weaknesses. Perhaps He can use this situation for His glory, and if that’s the case, I’ll accept it gladly.

Earlier tonight I had a conversation with Wilson, who has known me since childhood. After hearing him speak on evangelism, I questioned him about why I sometimes feel so emotionally distant when it comes to spiritual issues, even though heaven and hell is supposed to be a big deal. To my surprise, he pointed out a link between that attitude and my housing situation. He mentioned that I grew up with the mindset of learning to be independent, wanting to take things into my own hands without the need for help from others. I never really thought about myself that way, but now that I’ve realized it, I must admit I’m quite good at taking care of myself in areas where most people would feel the need to depend on others. The problem is that just as it’s hard for one to love without first having been loved, it’s hard to serve others wholeheartedly without understanding what it means to be served. All this time I’ve lived with the attitude of staying out of people’s ways and not causing them any trouble unless necessary. But doing so has cut me off from opportunities to experience what it’s like to be blessed by others. Perhaps it’s God’s intention for me to experience servanthood at a personal level so that I can have the same attitude toward others.

With these things in mind, being a nomad for the whole quarter may not be that bad of an idea after all. And I must admit that my homelessness is a great conversation starter and even helps new friends remember me more easily. By having no place to go during the day, I’ve learned to be extremely efficient in everything I do, taking advantage of whatever situation I’m faced with and making the most out of it. In these past few weeks alone, I’ve spent countless hours building friendships, many of which may not even exist was it not for me wandering into their lives in the first place. All these things make me perfectly content with my current lifestyle, but like I mentioned earlier, I’m afraid to use God – and my own happiness - as an excuse, since I’ve done it so many times in the past already. And since it’s my last quarter at UCLA, I want to make the most out of it, whatever that may involve.

So my attitude now no longer revolves around what lifestyle I choose for myself, but what God intends to do with it. I will continue to search for a permanent home, and many of my friends are still helping me ask around for available spaces. If things do work out, then I’ll move in gladly. But if not, I’ll accept things the way they are and learn to serve and love as I am served and loved. I believe every friendship exists for a reason, and as someone who has been in college for over four years and currently has a car on campus, there’s a lot I can do for my friends, especially those who are younger. Sometimes I still make self-centered decisions that I look back on and regret, but I believe my current position is a continuation of the lessons God has taught me this summer about shifting my focus away from myself, and I pray that He can continue to soften my heart to love others more. The question now is not whether or not I’m okay with having no permanent home for a quarter, but whether or not it’s God’s will for me to live such a life. I pray that He may point me in the right direction and teach me to accept it and love it. Whatever He intends for me to do, I believe it will work for the good of His kingdom, and I pray that He will continue to let His will be done in my life.

10/13: Week 2 update. Sunday - made it back to school at 8:30PM, just in time to use my last swipe on a smoothie before getting to the dorms by 9. i always like to save a swipe for Sunday, in case i need to get back to school before dinner. if not, a smoothie is nice too =). walked up to Hedrick with Jessica and Jessica. chilled in the 5N lounge, doing a little studying while saying hi to people. caught Andrew's amazing new hairdo on camera =). also witnessed Derek stealing his laptop and making him freak out hehe.

Monday - breakfast with Andy. went online @ Bruin Cafe and called AAA to make sure they were open (since it was Columbus day) and went there to finish registering my car. that reminds me, i still have to put the new license plates on. but anyways, i realized the AAA i went to was only a block away from an exotics repair shop i visited before, so i stopped by for an unofficial hunting trip and got some good shots with the new camera. made it back to UCLA just in time for lunch w/ Christine at DeNeve, during which i enjoyed another one of my strange drinks... i figured since its my last quarter at UCLA, i should probably start taking pics of these drinks. so here it is-

10/10: Mid-week update. I'm very glad to say that the whole counterpoint class dilemma is finally worked out, thanks to Professor Chihara who has agreed to be my instructor despite his busy schedule. alll that needs to be done now is a little paperwork, which will be completed next week just before the deadline.

so far, I've managed to keep myself well-rested with a mix of staying in my car, spending the night at friends' places, and occasional naps in random places around campus. after a talk with Bryan Shaw last weekend, I've began to be more open-minded regarding my housing situation, and even though I'm really not sure if my current thinking is right, so far things are definitely working out.

I also got to spend quite a bit of time playing with my SDS750. I took it to Bel-Air and the 405 yesterday for some target practice, and from what I can see so far, the camera is simply amazing. later today I'm gonna take it to Beverly Hills for Golden Triangle 25, the first official hunting trip of the schoolyear. I've decided that it's not a bad idea to drive there, since doing so will only result in more time to cruise & shoot. but for now, I need to walk up to the dorms (I'm outside Wooden right now) and find someone to eat lunch with. wish me luck =).

10/07: since i don't get to update this site during the week, i always feel like i should write a goodbye entry before returning to school. not really sure what to write about though... i spent the past couple hours playing with the SD750 and i doubt i'll ever finish mastering all the little features it has. but i did some test shots of various objects (animals, flowers, cars, stuff, etc) and they came out fine, so i think i'm ready for Sunset Blvd and Beverly Hills. i also spent quite some time organizing my backpack, which holds far more than just books and school stuff... i've finally set up a system that allows me to write letters and send them at school even though i have no access to all my supplies, so if you're one of my pen pals, expect something in the mail in the next week =). (if i never wrote to you but you want a letter too, let me know =) ).

so yea, everything's pretty much ready to load on the car now. i'm planning to be back at school at around 8:30 to use my last swipe before going to the dorms at 9. as for where i'm spending the night, i still have no idea. but i wouldn't mind a nice balance between friends' places and my own little home in the parking lot.

speaking of that 'home', driving the new car has been extremely fun... i'm still getting used to the pedals, and backing up is still pretty scary. but other than that, i've already adapted quite well. i'm still discovering little gadgets here and there though... i didn't know the car has steering-wheel-mounted audio controls until today after church =/. but now that i know, it will make life easier. not that it was ever a problem to reach out my hand and actually turn the volume knob... and i only found it cuz Ken and Juliann were checking out the interior. who would have guessed there would come a time when my car is actually worth checking out? haha... and technically the registration isn't even done yet. Howard signed the papers last night, so i'm gonna finish the process in Santa Monica sometime this week. after all, i still have a few days with nothing to do =).

anyways, its time for me to go eat dinner then drive back to school. even though there's still so many important things (classes, housing situation, etc) that are yet to be determined, i'm looking forward to seeing what God will do through another five days at UCLA =).

10/07: just got some not-very-publicized information - HWL is having a jewelry show this coming weekend (10/13-10/14), which will consist of an exotic car meet! Saturday will be at the Walnut store and Sunday will be at the San Gabriel store. if you're around the area, definitely go check it out. and if you can't find me on Saturday, now you know where i'll be =).

10/06: Week 1 Update. this week felt especially long, mostly cuz i went back to UCLA straight after church on Sunday so every day felt like a day ahead. and plus i had several days of nothing to do, during which i got to wander around freely, visit people, and just enjoy life. oh and i did a lot of studying too =). seriou5ly. when there's nothing else to do, studying can actually be fun. and even after all the studying was done there was still time to hang out with friends and fulfill my goal of making the most out of my last quarter at UCLA. so here's the update-

Sunday- went straight to school after church to go to Santa Monica. originally Trinh called me n told me they were going at noon, meaning i would drive straight to SM to meet them there. but they ended up having lunch at Hedrick... i guess it was all a trick to make me get there sooner =) hehe j/k... i had plenty of extra swipes from last week since i lost my BruinCard, so i had lunch w/ Christine Trinh and John in Hedrick. chilled on 5N then walked down to catch the bus with the gang (Christine Trinh John Andrew Bryce Jerry Derek Natalie Elaine). got to the beach, walked down the pier, then played frisbee with the guys. i'm actually not as bad at throwing as i thought. i still cant catch though =/. we hit a random guy on a towel talking on his cell phone, and he got up and left. poor guy... anyways, went to join everyone else in the water n took some pics (by the way, the pics are already online =) ). it was somewhere around that time that my camera broke... which is weird, cuz it didn't touch water at all. but anyways, then we went to the Promenade for some shopping... somehow our group split in two, and all the guys ended up on our own and couldnt find everyone else. well at least all the guys except John... so basically all the Asian guys hehe. we pretty much just got some drinks then sat down at a fountain and talked the whole time while everyone else actually shopped hehe. we reunited at the bus stop to go back to UCLA... that's when the whole Veyron incident happened (see previous entry). dinnered @ Covel with Bryce Derek Jerry Elaine and Andrew. chilled back at 5N in Bryce Derek and Jerry's room for a bit, then played cards in the lounge til 1AM. i love how people on this floor don't seem to use the lounge for serious studying at all =). lets see if it stays this way once midterms kick in...

Monday- spending a night in my car wasn't as bad as i thought, and even if i was a bit sore, the convenience of being in the dorm area and not having to move out all my stuff made up for it. had breakfast with Ying, then went to Bruin Cafe for some emailing... talked with Janelle for a while then met with Christine n chilled in Rieber. lunched w/ Christine in Covel n walked with her to class, then went to SMB to practice. yes, it's week 1 and i'm already practicing organ... come on, i have to put in at least a little effort to make up for not showing up in class on the first day, right? talked with Penelope YinChi and Denise in the hallway first, then did my practicing, which consisted largely of Phantom of the Opera hehe... i'm totally gonna learn how to play it perfectly =). went back to the dorm area, picked a nice spot outside Rendezvous and studied/chilled. saw Christine(Dang) and Trinh walking to chem and joined them for another trek down the hill and then back to Rendezvous hehe. yes, i have no life. ran into Jessica(Ji) and Jennifer(Chou) n talked with them for a while. met with Steph(Liu) n went to Hedrick to fix some stuff on the computer. dinnered together in Hedrick, and stayed to eat again with Andrew and his floor from last year (Hedrick 7N). it was only barely past 7 when i left the dining hall, so i went to BJ's to say happy birthday to Anny. i couldn't make the dinner, but i joined them n went to Pinkberry then visited Anny's apartment. she drove us back to the dorms, and i sat in the trunk hehe. i fit perfectly in the back of a Scion... anyways, made it back before 9 and studied in the Hedrick 5S lounge. visited Lisa & Kelly in 6N, then joined Christine(Dang) Natalie Trinh and John for some more studying.

Tuesday - breakfast with Ying. practiced organ. met with Tammy and walked to class. lunched with Jennifer(Chou) at Rieber, then visited her at Rieber Terrace. got some more studying done, and also took a very nice desknap =). met with Christine(Shen) in Rieber and got invited to the big Grace on Campus dorm dinner... there were a million people, but obviously not enough seats in Deneve at 6PM, so everyone scattered off into little tables throughout the dining hall. i ended up eating with Christine Sophia and Brian, so technically i didn't really meet new people hehe. (i did meet a bunch of them last night though, more on that later). went back to Rieber with Christine n played ping pong and pool. we finished just in time for a fire drill hehe. spent the rest of the night hanging out with Christine Suza Ying and Harry on 2N... went to Bruin Cafe & Puzzles with Christine & Harry,during which i went to retrieve the Chinese Chess board that was in my car. it's one of those games that isn't talked about much, but once people see others playing they'll want to play too. at least the Chinese people hehe. i forgot the rules since it's been so long, but none of us were too good at it anyways, and we squeezed in a few games before i moved back into Jamie's living room.

Wednesday - breakfast with Jane and Andrew, then with Jerry. yep yep, this multiple breakfast thing is soo awesome hehe. chilled at the IV table for a bit on my way to SMB. practiced organ. visited Christine @ Tsunami n walked to Rolfe together, with the assumption that her class was there. (it was actually in Melnitz. hahhaha =) ). lunched at Hedrick with Raymond. since it was another day with no class, i did the exact same thing i did on Monday - sit outside Rendezvous minding my own business while observing people walking by for familiar faces. Derek came and joined me, and Michelle(Panh) and Michelle(Chan) came too. i think i'm gonna start doing this more and more often, cuz everyone can use a break walking up the hill to Hedrick =). went to Rieber for some more Chinese Chess w/ Christine. she refused to get dinner until she won once, so we played like 4 or 5 games before we ate hehe. got food @ Rendezvous - i dont know why, but i think the rice is a lot better than last year's. and the Kung Pao Chicken isn't bad either. anyways, Christine had to go to a meeting but me n Harry took over the room n continued playing C-Chess. Kuangyi and Ying came to join too n we talked til before 9 when i decided to go to Hedrick. visited Elizabeth and Jane for a bit, then studied - ok fine, i was drawing pictures - at 5N. talked with Derek, met Sunny (from Walnut! =) ), and went to Bruin Cafe with them. chilled in the lounge with Derek Andrew and Jerry til almost 1AM telling corny jokes and laughing like crazy. i seriously love this floor soo much =).

Thursday - breakfast with Jane. it was pretty much my first 'real' day of class - practiced organ in the morning, went to Geography of China, then Organ class, then Electronic Music... so i had class from 11:30 to 6PM nonstop. now you guys can't complain that i have no work to do =). the only downside of ending at 6 is that i didn't have time to catch the IV people for dinner, so i got Bruin Cafe n ate outside. Ying came n joined me for a bit though, so technically i didn't eat alone =). i finished just in time to join the Hedrick gang to walk to Catalyst. afterwards they invited me to go play Sardines in the Sculpture Garden... i've been wanting to do that for sooooo long!!! and it was amazingly fun - Melanie had a crazy hiding spot behind a bush that took us all forever to find... we all went to Bruin Cafe afterwards n chilled outside. met with Sophia afterwards to go visit people in Rieber with her. met Shirley Phoebe and Emily n chilled at their room. found Tracy and Christina's room on my way out and there were like a million people in their room. they asked me to go play piano, so of course i did hehe. thats one thing i'd do almost anytime... i only ended up leaving cuz it was getting really late and i still had to travel to Hilgard. but it's nice to have a huge couch to sleep on. Jamie's trying to decorate the whole living room and she has soo many awesome posters. maybe the next time i go there it will look different?

Friday - apparently my Mancini Studio time is at 8:30AM on Fridays, which really sucks cuz i have to move out in the morning and there's so much to do. so i guess from now on i won't be having breakfast on Fridays unless i'm living somewhere closeby. but i still had some leftover food from the week, so i didn't starve myself. and i told Tom i wouldn't show up until 9AM anyways hehe. by next time i should have my own code to get in, so i can go whenever i want (even though i assume i'll eventually need my full 3 hours). played with Logic (soo much fun!) until 11:30, then chilled at the IV table on Bruinwalk while waiting for Christine for lunch. ate @ DeNeve, then went to Rieber for an intense afternoon of of ping-pong and pool with Jasper Andy and David. i took a short nap on the air hockey table (yes, with the air on).. it was sooo comfortable =). i don't think i've ever played this much pool in two weeks my whole life... but its a lot of fun. dinnered @ Rieber with CHristine Ramsey Joey Richard Nate and Boris. a bunch of them went to Grace on Campus and i joined them too. its weird how i know so many people there but never actually went to check it out. its usually cuz i used to go home Friday afternoons, but now that i can drive myself, i can stay as long as i want hehe. i had an awesome time there, met a bunch of cool people and worshipped and fellowshipped together. of course, a million thoughts went through my head about how i'm technically in IV but still visiting GOC... and i can spend forever writing on the ups an downs of these groups that many people consider direct opposites. but for now, all that matters is that i'm spending time with other believers worshipping God, and there's nothing wrong with that right? =). it was definitely fun making everyone guess my year though... nobody got it right on the first try. but that why it's fun hehe. walked back to the dorms with Christine and Christine (there's too of them. aaah!!!!). it was already quite late, but since i told my mom i would take the chessboard from home only for a week, we made sure we squeezed every little bit of fun out of it before i took it home. we played til around midnight when i decided i should head home before i get too tired. maybe next week i'll find a cheaper chess set (which i'm pretty sure i have at home) and leave it at school. the shaved ice machine is already in my car, so as soon as Christine's freezer clears out the ice parties will resume =).

anyways, it's past midnight and i should really be sleeping. woke up at 9AM today to go to worship practice, n did busywork at home pretty much the whole afternoon. dinnered w/ mom @ Coconut Bay =). went to PACT afterwards, then wrote this insanely long entry until now. and now it's time to hop in the shower then go to sleep! goodnight!

10/05: Friday night. just got home after another awesome week at UCLA. i'll save the Week1 update for tomrorow, but I've been drooling over pics of a particular car i saw at Santa Monica last Sunday for way too long and i can't hold in the excitement any longer. so here's the story-

for those who didn't know, my SD400 broke at the beach on Sunday, and as you all know my camera is one of my best friends and i bring it everywhere i go. fast forward a few hours, and i'm at the 3rd Street Promenade bus stop with a bunch of Hedrick friends waiting to catch the bus home. a suped-up antique Ford drives by, and my hand twitched a little, only to remember that my camera no longer works. a BMW Z8 passes by a few minutes later, and i was tempted to ask Christine(Dang) to borrow her camera to shoot it, the decided not to after realizing it wasn't an Alpina. next came a Ferrari F355 Spider. definitely something i'd chase down and shoot, but i've shot plenty of these already, so again i swallowed my desire to borrow the camera.

the bus arrived, and we all lined up with a crowd of a few dozen people waiting to get on the same bus. i turned around and saw a strangely familiar vehicle appearing from the distance. it was familiar because i've seen countless pictures and videos of it in magazines and websites, but at the same time it was so foreign, since i had neither seen one on the street in person nor thought i ever would in this lifetime. i stood in amazement as it came closer, then i turned around and saw the light turn red a block away. that was my cue; immediately i begged Christine to borrow her camera, and once i figured out how to turn it on, i began to run as fast as i could. the car stopped at the red light as expected, and it wasn't long before i found myself standing next to the single most amazing car i've ever seen in my life. my hands were literally trembling, and it felt a bit weird to be using a pink camera. but i did manage to get a couple decent shots. see it for yourself-

10/03: Mid-week update at the Bruin Bear. for the most part, things so far are still quite unstable. I'm desperately trying to get in contact with my professors to discuss the possibilities of my independent study class, and so far it isn't looking too good, meaning I may not get my college degree until much later than expected. I'm trying hard to remind myself of the journey that brought me to become a music major, and I know that in the same way God faithfully brought me into UCLA and into the music department, He will lead me out when the time is right. I pray that if He is willing, things will work out this quarter and I will be able to finish college as planned.

As for my housing situation, I've been sticking firmly to my decision of simply getting the word out and not directly asking anyone, in hope of avoiding the possibility of people saying yes simply to be nice. I did spend the first two nights of the week in my car, and I did so with an attitude of eagerness to experience something new. it really wasn't as bad as I thought, and even though I woke up a bit sore, I'm sure it's something I can get used to over time. I have to admit taht part of what made sleeping in the car seem so attractive to me was the fact that it was the only place on campus that I could truly call my own. hidden behind the tinted windows, I could sleep without the guilt of bothering someone else, and I had complete access to this shelter anytime I wanted it. sure, it's not the most comfortable home, but it's good enough for me. when Jamie called last night inviting me to return to Hilgard, I actually hesitated a bit, not sure if I wanted to make the cross-campus trek for the rest of the week. but there's no question the couch is much more comfortable than my passenger seat. so that's probably where i'll be spending the rest of the week. I just saw Jayson a few minutes ago, and we're still up for taking any open apartment. I do have a few sources to consult, so hopefully that works out well.

apparently my schedule so far shows that I only have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. a part of me wonders if that means I should just commute on the days I have class and not worry about being unsituated. but then again, I already bought a meal plan and don't want to waste it. and besides, if I take into account my daily organ practice, weekly Mancini Stidio time for Electronic Music class, and the yet-to-be-determined counterpoint class, then I'll probably need to be on campus every day. it definitely feels weird to sit around for an entire day with no work to do though. aside from the few that know, you'd be surprised to know that I didn't go to Beverly Hills or Bel-Air at all this week, and don't plan on doing so until next week. during Sunday's Santa Monica trip, my camera reached the end of its life, and its replacement should come just in time for next week (yes, a potential Golden Triangle trip is already under consideration). a few hours after it broke, I would probably have jumped off a cliff was it not for Christine(Dang) who kindly let me borrow her (pink) camera not knowing why I took it and ran for a whole block to take pictures of a particular car at a red light. Hint for all you car freaks - this car has more than a dozen cylinders. pictures coming soon =). for now its time to shut up and go meet with Christine(Shen) for lunch. bye!

09/30: Sunday morning. it's been an extremely short weekend... got home very late Friday night, had Saturday to get everything done, and now i'm just about to go to church, then i'm going straight back to join the awesome 5N gang at Santa Monica. that's the good thing about having a car at school, especially one that i don't have to worry as much about gas or have trouble starting up. i'm definitely starting to get the hang of it, even though changing lanes and parking are still extremely scary. but its ok, i'll get used to it.

anyways, the pictures from Santa Monica this past week are already online (pictures -> college life), and the rest of the new schoolyear pics, as well as plenty of summer pics i havent posted yet, are coming soon, hopefully next weekend. it's hard for me to work on it during the week since i don't have a computer with me... but maybe that will change as soon as i find myself a home at UCLA.

speaking of a home, please continue to help spread the word for myself and for Jayson, two Asian homeless superseniors currently wandering the streets of Westwood. hehe j/k, we've been surviving just fine so far, but we definitely don't want to bum off people for a whole quarter, so we want to get settled down as soon as possible. all i need is a place to spend the night, whether it's an actual room, a living room, or anything else... and yes i'll definitely pay whatever is reasonable for it. so please keep this situation in your prayers. speaking of prayers, i think i'm gonna be late to church if i don't shut up now. bye!

09/29: Having loved cars all my life, I enjoy reading car magazines as a pastime, keeping myself up to date with the latest in the automotive world. Almost all of us car freaks can testify to daydreaming about being in the driver's seat of a Ferrari or Rolls-Royce. Some seek the experience of having the latest technology at their control. Others seek the awe-struck stares of passersby who know they've encountered something amazing and unique. And trust me, I've spent countless hours of my life admiring and pointing my camera at these exotic rides. Ever since the beginning of time, humans have desired the freedom of mobility and at the same time were driven by innovation to make life easier. Combine this freedom with today’s ever-increasing desire for material wealth, and it's no wonder car culture has grown to become what it is now. But in those very same magazines where I drool over cars I'll probably never be able to afford, the same editors also write about everyday vehicles that have suffered the fate of time and seem worthless to most. Yet they write about them with so much passion, and it's all for one simple reason - they've had personal relationships with these cars, spending years behind the wheel and letting the cars become inevitably associated with that time period in their lives.

Of course, it will probably be decades before I'll even begin to understand this whole idea of nostalgia. But I'm definitely one of those people who believe that transportation is much more than simply a means to get from one point to another. Despite my worries about gas prices, I take pleasure in being behind the wheel, navigating my way through the streets and being a part of the traffic flow. Usually, I prefer to roll the windows down and feel the wind blowing in my face, often accompanied by music that I select before driving. Sometimes, I simply listen to the sound of the engine at various revs, reminding myself of how lovely it is to have the freedom to travel.

For us car freaks, having a car is like owning a pet. The car goes with us just about everywhere, taking us to places we can't go otherwise, protecting us in times of danger, defining a part of our identity, and bringing us pleasure through that very identity. We invest our time and money in it, feeding it and taking care of it as needed, and over time a relationship is formed. But with every pet there will come a time when it must leave us, and with every relationship there will come times when change has to take place. Whether it's for good or not, at the end things will simply not be the same.

09/28: Week 0 update. gosh i miss doing these entries... its the kind that i put here only for future reference, not intended for people to read and get bored with hehe. during times as eventful as 0 week, i found it necessary to keep notes during the week in order to capture all the precious little memories. one little detail i forgot to mention before leaving for school was that since i don't have a permanant home, i don't have a computer at school either, meaning my email access is limited to my free time spent in friends' rooms or Bruin Cafe. and libraries of course, but that's not gonna happen until classes really start to kick in. like i mentioned earlier, there's a lot on my mind, including the need for a place to live, class schedules that are yet to be settled, and my BruinCard, which i'm glad to say is back in my pocket. all these things, plus the incredible times i got to spend with friends both new and old, are what made 0 week as exciting as it was.

Monday - finished packing in the morning and went to take care of some car business, then went straight back to school. arrived at a little before noon, and suddenly found myself standing outside Covel in the middle of this new society that i've committed to attaching myself to. took a quick walk around the dorm area and calling up friends. turned out the whole world was at the "Enormous" Activities Fair, so i decided to head down there too. ran into Tiffany on the way and walked down together. met up with Steph(Liu) for a while, then ran into Brian and walked around the fair together while chatting about our summers. it's always easy to start a conversation when there's so much to catch up on. met with Jane, got free ice cream, and went with her to Bruin Cafe. i couldn't get anything cuz i didn't buy a meal plan yet. but that's what i did right away after she left... i ended up going back down to the fair... i love how during times like this it's never hard to find familiar faces in the crowds. walked back up to the dorms with Sana and Rosemary and sat at the top of the Rieber steps. that spot became my lucky brick - i ran into sooo many people i knew passing by... Michelle(Panh) joined us for a bit too and gave me a croissant for lunch =). Christine came to join us too - turns out she knows Sana too. went to visit Christine's room in Rieber afterwards n chilled with her and Diep. had dinner together at Covel - my first swipe! then met up with Matthew n went down to the Freshman BBQ. come on, since i'm here for five years, might as well go to the BBQ for five consecutive years =). it ended early this year though, but we got there just in time to get some food and talk, then grab a bunch of free ice cream on the way back. chilled at Matthew's room in DeNeve until it was time for his floor meeting. actually it was time for everyone's floor meeting, except certain people *cough*Christine and Diep*cough* decided to not go, so i joined them and their friend Karen who drove us to Ross. played pool at Rieber with Christine afterwards - i barely knew how to play at all, so we were basically just messing around, except it was actually a game cuz we met a couple guys (Neil and Sandeep) who decided to play against us. they won of course, but at this point it's really all about just having fun and meeting friends. went to Christine's again, met her roommates Suza and Ying n chatted for the rest of the night. then went to Sana's in Rieber Vista to spend the night. she insisted that I didn't sleep in the car (thanks! =) )... even though i personally don't mind, if there's an offer i might as well take it =)

Tuesday - breakfast with Sana Bernice and Ying. went shopping with Sana and Ying at Ackerman the entire morning, then went up to Sunset Rec for the IV BBQ. i managed to get "Nomadic" written on my nametag in place of a dorm or apartment group, helping start conversations to get the word out. i still joined the apartment group, and met some awesome people there. maybe i'll join the apartment smallgroup if time permits. we'll see... left the BBQ early cuz i told Christine Suza and Ying we'd meet up at 2:00 to go to Santa Monica. one particular Einstein insisted that we take the #12 bus from Ackerman rather than the #1 (note to new Freshmen: the #1 bus only comes to Ackerman during weekends, so you have to walk down past LeConte to catch it), so we ended up on Olympic and had to walk back up to Santa Monica. but there's no better way to explore the city than through getting lost =). Went to 3rd Street Promenade for some walking and shopping, then walked over to the beach just in time for the sunset. somehow a sandfight erupted during that time, leaving us all covered in sand. but it was soo much fun. and after over four years in college, this was actually my first sandfight =). saw a Superleggera on the way back, but only got a crappy pic. took the bus back to Westwood and had dinner at in-N-Out. chilled at Rieber some more. talked in the hallway with Darren Theodora and Beryl. left the dorms at a little before midnight to my new temporary shelter on Hilgard. Jamie had kindly offered her living room, which has two huge couches, as a place for me to spend the night. yes, it's quite far away, and i had to drive over there to unload my stuff, drive back to park at SV, then take the scooter back to Hilgard. ran into Gina on the way back to Hilgard n walked there together (remember, i always prefer walking with people over cruising by myself =) ).

Wednesday - Early-morning scooter ride from Hilgard to Rieber. Breakfast with Ying and Sana. talked outside Rieber Vista with Sana, then went to talk to Al Bradley at SMB, but he was at a meeting so it was a pretty pointless trip. went back to the dorms to visit Tammy and Lisa at the DeNeve lobby. Tammy had to buy a chair for her apartment at Staples and i decided to join, and got Christine and Ying to come too since they needed to buy stuff there too. didn't find much at Staples though, so we ended up going to OfficeMax... took forever to find it, and after circling the block several times looking at street names, Ying points out "isn't that OfficeMax right there?"... so it was right in front of us the entire time. gosh, we're such stupid Californians hehe. Tammy found the same $120 chair we saw at Staples for $40 =). finally, we all got everything we needed and went back to UCLA happily... but not until we spent another half an hour lost in the city cuz we missed the 10 freeway entrance, and i suggested taking local assuming i coudl figure out the way. the plan failed miserably, and we ended up in Koreatown. it was especially ridiculous cuz i was the only one on the car from this area =/. we ended up back at the same freeway entrance half an hour later. had lunch with Tammy at Noodle Planet, then went to her apartment to assemble the chair... we thought it didn't come with instructions, then after the chair was almost done we realized it was underneath the seat cushion the entire time. how did i get into UCLA again? =/. anyways, went back to the dorm area, picked up my scooter which was parked at DeNeve, then finally got to talk to Al Bradley. so turned out i need to do an independent study course on Coutnerpoint, which i'm not exactly sure how to approach. but i hope things work out at the end. treated myself to a smoothie (since i didn't use my lunch swipe. gosh, non-Premier plans are so frustrating! hehe), then visited Sophia at Deneve. talked with Sophia and Brian, helped floormates raise their bed - another failure hehe. dinner with Sophia Brian and Shane at Hedrick. went to visit people in Hedrick afterwards... i ended up never getting to see the people i intended to visit, but while sitting by myself doodling in the 5N lounge i got to meet Bryce from Hawaii, and ended up spending the rest of the night playing cards with him, along with Natalie Trinh Chrstine Derek Andrew and Daniel. played some of the randomest games and laughed at everything from slapping to bicycles to not knowing any of the poker hands. went back to Hilgard to spend the night... Angie happened to be visiting Jamie too, so we all got to talk n catch up a bit.

Thursday - breakfast with Sana. had another awesome talk outside Rieber. ran into Julia n walked with her to Dykstra n visited for a while. met at Ackerman with Tammy before class - our first time taking a class together! =). there was some prize giveaway thingy going on, and we got there just in time to be near the front of the line. it was my first time ever spinning a prize wheel... soo much fun =). i got a "grab bag" hehe. went to Dodd for class with Tammy - some geography of China class. seems pretty interesting so far. talked with Lisa n Justine for a bit on the way back up the hill. lunched with Esther and Lindsay at Rieber. sat outside Rendezvous doodling until Jaymie and Yolie came to join me... we ended up going to get Course Readers together... not that i needed any (at least not that i know of), but knowing how i am, i wouldn't say no unless i already have plans. it was on the way back that i found out from Elizabeth that we actually had organ class, and i totally missed it. and it was arond that time that my Bruincard fell out of my pocket without me knowing. back in Hedrick, i helped Jaymie and Yolie pretty much destroy their room... took off the closet doors, moved everything around, etc... its not my fault they wanted to fit two beds (unbunked), two desks, a TV, a futon, and a fridge all in the same room. long story short, the fridge ended up sitting on TOP of a bookshelf. picture coming soon =). went to visit Michelle afterwards, met her roommate Brenda. dinnered with the Hedrick IV group before Catalyst - such a big differen from last year - now we take up two and a half tables. haha... thanks Janelle for swiping me in, cuz i didn't realize my card was gone until i was on my way out to the dining hall. checked everyhwere, asked the Rieber and Hedrick front desks, no luck. went to Catalyst and came back to Hedrick as promised to help Brenda fix her internet. chilled in their room for a while, and thats when i got an email from Jennie, a post-doctoral Neurology scholar, saying she found my bruincard on the sidewalk in Westwood. so i emailed her back with a phone number to reach me at and asked if i could pick it up somewhere the next day. stopped by 5North again on my way out of HEdrick, only to find Trinh Natalie Derek Christine and Andrew playing cards again. so of course i stayed and joined them =). this time we played til like 1 in the moring. and they all had class the next day. what a great way to start off the schoolyear hehe. went back to Hilgard, chilled with Jamie ANgie and Brett for a while, then went to sleep.

Friday(today) - i decided not to pay for a new Bruincard yet, assuming it was possible for me to get it back sometime today. Michelle kindly offered to swipe me for breakfast (thanks!) at 9, so i spent my usual 8AM breakfast time moving out of Hilgard and catching up with emails at Bruin Cafe. Michelle's friend Victor also came to join us for breakfast. the food there is actually better than last year =). went with Michelle to get Course Readers (for those who didn't know, i really like walking hehe). my phone wasn't working well, but i got a voicemail from Jennie, and when i finally got to check it, Michelle and i just happened to be on the way back from Westwood, and we found the building where she had left my bruincard with her colleagues (since she wasn't around WEstwood today). a few minutes later, the bruincard was safely back at home in my pocket again =). i doubt Jennie would find this site, but in case she does, thank you once again for your kindness and for bothering to find my email, contact me, and arrange for me to pick up my card. and also thanks again to Janelle and Michelle for keeping me from starving without my meal swipes. so anyways, walked back with Michelle to campus, sat outside CS50 before her class. walked with Suza to Ackerman cuz she had an hour break. lunched with Becca Juliei Brian Steven Eugene JEssica n Tina at Deneve. met with Christine at Rendezvous then went to play pool at Rieber Terrace. this time nobody else was playing with us so we got to mess around and not feel stupid for being beginners =). chilled on her floor for a while, then spent a little time by myself in Bel-Air. brought my car to Rieber and took Christine Suza Ying and Lindsay to Westwood. i only drove cuz Christine n Suza had to get a lot of stuff from Ralphs and it was too much to carry back to campus on foot. not that i mind driving people around, but normally i prefer walking =). and to be totally honest, i'm still quite scared to drive in Westwood. but i knew i had to get used to it sooner or later. besides, driving is a lot different from how it was for me a week ago, now that my car only has two doors and is a lot closer to the ground. yes, i pretty much gave away the secret. but its almost 2AM right now and i'm posting the car entry tomorrow anyways. dinnered with Chrstine and Ying at Covel, then stayed to eat with Matthew n talked about stupid things that drunk people do at UCLA hehe. went to chill in his room afterwards n met his floormate Ed. talked about high school BSing tactics and other fun stuff like that =). trust me, i never run out of stories to tell when you bring up this subject. talked til almost 9PM, then went to Hedrick to visit Jane and Elizabeth. chilled there for a while, then visited 5N again to talk with them in the lounge til almost midnight. it felt weird that i actually had to drive home myself, and it's definitely not easy to stand up and leave simply because i'd be too tired to drive safely if i stayed too late. but i'm glad to have the freedom to go to/from school anytime i want without having to arrange rides. in fact, this Sunday i might go back early to join a bunch of friends in Santa Monica. we'll see how it works out when the time is closer. for now, i'm finally back at home, too tired to think, but still very excited after such an awesome week. i just wanted to get this emtry out so i don't have to worry about it tomorrow. and to be honest, i didn't miss my bed as much as i thought i would. but its definitely nice to be home, and i look forward to a weekend to sleep in and relax before another busy week at school.

09/28: Friday morning update. Extremely interesting week so far... I'll save all the hanging out, meeting people, and catching up with old friends for another entry (which I've been working on throughout the week), but there's been so many things beyond my own control taht I'm pretty much just letting them unfold themselves without stressing too much. First of all, I haven't had to sleep in my car yet, thanks to some kind friends who provided me with "homeless shelters". I'm still searching for a place to stay, so please keep that in your prayers. as for classes, there's a lot more I need to take care of than I expected... I'm gonna take Counterpoint as an independent study course, and the details are still being worked out. Yesterday I actually missed the first day of organ class, completely unaware that there was class 0 week until Elizabeth called me afterwards wondering where i was. i was actually in Westwood at the time... and it was during that trip that I abandoned my BruinCard for the first time after four years. it currently resides in the hands of a Neuroscience grad student, and God only knows when we'll reunite again. but again, why worry about it when there's nothing i can do to help? by the way, I'm sitting outside De Neve right now writing this (on paper) waiting to have breakfast with Michelle(Panh). usually I would probably go inside the dining hall first, but don't forget i'm currently homeless AND foodless without my BruinCard. hehe... but at least i have no class today =). no that classes should be stressful when its only the second day. but yea... Michelle should be here soon, so i'll shut up now.

09/23: Wiston Group, Week 8 (Final Week)

Despite all the ups and downs of this past week, I faced each day with an attitude of excitement, eager to see how God was going to finish writing His story. I have to admit, though, this week wasn't easy at all. In fact, at one point Terrance, Sam, and I were about to go talk to Michael together about how we felt we were being treated less than fairly. Most of our complaints revolved around moving to the new warehouse. Yes, we're all excited about the transition, but there's simply way too much to do, and not enough people and time to do it all. Monday was the last time I actually got to spend the morning in our current warehouse. That afternoon, Michael sent me to the new building by myself to assemble some furniture, and pretty soon my work included building, cleaning, moving, and just about everything else that needed to be done there. Sometimes Sam was with me too, leaving only Terrance and Shan (who had only about a week's experience) to take care of all the shipping work that usually required us all to do. The problem became evident by Tuesday, when we ended up with far more work to do than we could handle, even though it wouldn't have been a problem if we were all there from the beginning to do it. Mornings are when I usually get to plan ahead by cutting open sealed boxes, organizing the inventory, and clearing the walkways, making things go much more smoothly in the afternoon when there's more work to do. Michael didn't see this, however, and assumed that since there were very few orders to fulfill in the morning, it would be better to send me off to the new location to work there every morning. Within a couple days, some of the aisles were blocked off completely, with stacks of boxes as tall as we were, and even so we were all still expected to go to the new warehouse after finishing our usual work to help move furniture. And because no planning was done beforehand, we wasted plenty of time moving extremely heavy items only to end up returning them to their original location. Sometimes we just stood around doing nothing for up to half an hour, waiting for Michael to make up his mind. These things left everyone in the warehouse extremely frustrated, and the fact that even Terrance wanted to complain made the rest of us eager to join him. It never happened as far as I know, and I guess that's a good thing, since I really don't want to leave a bad impression during my final week in the warehouse.

I must admit though, a lot of good things did arise from these harsh conditions. Sam and I spent plenty of valuable time by ourselves in the new warehouse, during which we got to talk and get to know each other much better. Terrance, who usually devotes almost all his energy to getting work done quickly, was unusually open to casual conversation after realizing we all had plenty to complain about. I got to know Shan better too through spending time working together and continuing to familiarize him with the way things work in the warehouse. He is beginning to work more efficiently every day, making less mistakes and taking on more responsibility. As for my replacement, Michael has already found a new worker, but he won't be able to come until Monday, making it crucial for him to pick up the procedure as quickly as possible. Fortunately, he is an experienced warehouse worker with plenty of knowledge about computer parts. But Terrance and I both agreed that it would still have been better if he could come a day or two earlier, since every warehouse runs differently and requires some time to adapt to. As the week progressed, Michael began to understand our struggles more and more, and took some action to improve the situation, including calling a moving company to carry the bulk of the warehouse next week rather than having the warehouse employees stay a few hours overtime every day to do all the work.

Despite this week being among the most turbulent of the eight weeks I spent at Wiston Group, it was especially enjoyable in the sense that each day was filled with surprises. Running back and forth between the current warehouse and the new location while still occasionally going out to run errands made me go to work each morning having no idea what I'd be doing that day. Despite the busy work, every once in a while I remembered the fact that I didn't have much time left to spend in the warehouse, and as routine as some of the work could get, the simple realization that it may be the last time I did it made me want to cherish it as much as possible. I got to spend plenty of time alone in the new building, during which I often worshipped God to keep my attitude positive. It felt strange that even though I was put in charge of assembling all the furniture and setting up all the shelves in the new warehouse, I'd be gone before all those things are actually put to use. Several times I found myself abnormally careless while packing boxes, with the mentality that even if something went wrong, I would be gone before anybody realized it. But God reminded me once again of His purpose for giving me the job. I once complained that everything I did ultimately benefitted myself, and that I wanted to learn to be humble and less selfish. God, having put me through seven weeks of learning, sent me off on my final week to do the very things that reflect that selflessness. As much as I worried about the others not being able to handle everything in the warehouse on their own, much of my worry stemmed from the fact that if they couldn't work quickly enough, I would be suffering with them at the end. But God forced me to let go and simply do what I was assigned to do, helping me look forward to the near future with the rest of the company even though my role in it as I know it has come to an end.

On Friday evening, Michael presented me a gift, just like he did to Eugene last week, in front of everyone in the office. He briefly explained to everyone why I chose this job despite being a UCLA student who has almost completed his degree. When asked how I felt about my experiences in the warehouse, I honestly said that it was very difficult, but that I learned a lot and was glad I took the job. Some people commented that I was probably the only warehouse worker who would think of his job so positively. But I knew clearly that my positive attitude came from the knowledge that it was God who brought me where I was. For the rest of the evening, I did as much as I could not only to help pack, but to clean the warehouse and prepare everything for next week. Knowing it will be a difficult week for everyone, I wanted to do my best to make things as easy for them as possible. But my efforts can only go so far, and at the end I can only wish them the best while keeping the company and all its people in my prayers.

Actually, my time at Wiston Group hasn't completely ended yet. Several weeks ago, Michael had already mentioned having an opening ceremony in the new warehouse and told me I was invited. He not only confirmed it on Friday before I left, but even called my mom without me knowing to tell her our whole family is invited. When my mom mentioned it to me after I came home, she said something I never expected to hear. Michael had told her that he noticed a positive trait in me - my willingness to obey. And he specifically said that even though his requests aren't always reasonable, I was always willing to do what I was told to do. At first, I felt like he said those words just to make me feel good, since he knew why I chose to work at his company. But my mom assured me that those words were from God, telling me that I've truly learned and grown from this experience, and because I know she is a woman of God, I see no need to question her assurance.

At this point, it's time for me to move on. Tomorrow I'll be back at UCLA finishing off my last quarter as a music major and enjoying the undergraduate social life one last time before officially graduating. Many struggles still await me - I still haven't found a place to live at school, and there are countless things I must take care of on campus before classes begin later in the week. But in the same way God wrote this incredible summer story in my life, I'm sure everything will work out fine if I'm willing to believe it. As for all the little tasks I picked up during my time at Wiston Group, only time can tell if I'll ever put them to use again. But I eagerly await the ceremony in a few weeks, during which I'll be able to reunite with all my co-workers again, as well as see that all the work we've done in the new warehouse has been worthwhile. Right now, it's time for me to shift my focus, taking with me the many things I've learned from working at Wiston Group and using them for God's glory as I return to being a college student.

(The final Wiston Group entry will be written after attending the ceremony.)

09/22: a late-Saturday-night entry about the last week of summer. yes, i'm pretty much the only one that still considers it summer right now, since almost everyone who's going back to school has already done so. i guess there's so much going on in my life right now that it's been hard to prepare my heart for the fact that school's starting again. it didn't quite hit me until i realized everyone else that was still enjoying summer vacation was preparing for school, and next thing i knew they were all at school already. on Friday night i went to Ally's house again... kind of a mix of helping her pack and hanging out / saying bye before she leaves. watching people prepare for college always brings back so many awesome memories... too bad i don't really get to pack much this year - i'm still homeless as of now, and it seems like there isn't much i can do to help myself until after i actually get to school. for those who are curious, i'm going back to school Monday morning, hoping to get there around lunchtime (anyone wanna eat with me? =) ). i'd go back tomorrow but theres some car-related business i have to take care of before going to school that can't be done until Monday. by now most of you already know the little car-related surprise, but for those who don't, i'll keep my mouth shut for just a little longer - expect a big long update about it in the coming week.

i'm up writing this late cuz the end-of-summer dinner party at my house just ended not too long ago. we decided to screw the BBQ completely cuz of rain and have an indoor dinner instead. for the most part, things went better than i expected, and at the end it was pretty much a PACT gathering (yea, i know, most of you probably thought that was what it was supposed to be. actually that wasn't the original plan at all. trust me, its a long and confusing story...). but i'm glad things turned out well. after dinner we all sat around n played games n talked, then had a time of extended worship and prayer til about midnight. what an awesome way to end the summer. i was surprised people who moved in to college yesterday and today actually came back for the dinner and for church tomorrow. and i just found out not too long ago that this was literally an "end of summer" party, regardless of whether or not school already started. according to my calendar, tomorrow just happens to be the first day of autumn. so i guess it was a special occasion after all =).

one last thing i haven't mentioned yet - yes, my time at Wiston Group has come to an end. it was a pretty bittersweet moment... a part of me was glad it was over, especially after such a difficult week. but at the end i was treasuring every last moment like it was my first. thinking back on this summer, it seems like everything revolves around this job in one way or another, and so i've decided that the Wiston Group Week 8 entry will also serve as the end-of-summer entry, and i'll have it up by tomorrow night. for now, i better go get some sleep!

09/20: mid-week update. Sunday night - went to Ally's house at night, met up with Ally Will and Albert n chilled while waiting for Esther to stop by to say bye before going back to school. we didn't get to hang out at all =/. hopefully next time. but still... at least we got to say bye. after she left the rest of us stuck around n talked for a while too. as for this week of work, it's been quite turbulent... the whole situation with the new warehouse has left all of us with plenty more work than we're used to, and to be hoenst i would have complained along with everyone else in the warehouse was it not for the fact that i'm almost leaving anyways. but other than being pushed to the limits in terms of workload, i have to admit i'm really enjoying the diversity of stuff i'm doing - the usual driving and warehouse tasks, plus building furniture and organizing stuff at the new location. and i know right now there's so much on all of our minds regarding the moving situation that its really hard to keep things organized. at least we got out pretty early today (which we're extremely surprised about). Sam and i got to talk in the parking lot for a while... gosh im gonna miss him so much when i leave =/. last night Emily came over to visit me n my mom - it's been forever since we saw her, but i'm glad she still got to stop by to chat and catch up. we definitely need to hang out more - that is, next time she comes back from SD =). as for tonight, i had dinner after work with Cristina Steph(Lin) and Ken. went to some Sushi place in Hacienda Hts... i can never emember the names of all these sushi places. maybe i should learn japanese =). went back to Steph's house afterwards n played piano while she played violin and sang... that was fun. after a day of moving furniture and boxes, it feels nice to sit down at a piano and do something gentle with my hands for a change. it's gonna be weird going back to school and becoming a music major again all of the sudden. but i'm definitely looking forward to being back at UCLA in a few days.

i guess the only thing thats really worrying me right now is that i'm still homeless at school, and i need to find a place in um... 3 days? i've been asking around quite a bit, and its not getting anywhere. its kind of a strange situation for me, cuz a part of me feels like blaming myself for being in this situation, but a part of me also feels that i'm doing the right thing. if i accept the worst-case scenario and convince myself that it's God's plan, i feel like its more of an excuse to avoid the fact that i should have tried harder. but what am i supposed to do then? i gotta be honest though, its stuff like this that makes life so thrilling sometimes. so as scared and worried as i am, a part of me is also excited to see what God has in store for me, whether its sleeping in an actual room, a living room, or my car. we'll see...

anyways, tomorrow's my last day of work, and its kind of a bittersweet feeling... this week's been soo tough, but i can't exactly say i'm glad its almost over, cuz i know i'll miss it soo much. i'll save the details for another entry, but one last thing before i shut up and go sleep - yes, for those who are still curious, the end-of-summer bbq thingy is still happening. saturday 6PM at my house if you're interested. i gotta be honest though, i know it's an awkward time and everything just seems really weird. i'm not the one planning this, and because i knew from the start that i wouldnt have time to do so, i decided to take no control at all other than maybe a little cleaning on saturday. who knows, it might even rain. i'm looking forward to being with so many people, but honestly i'm quite skeptical about how things will turn out. so i guess its safest to say that its simply a come-eat-and-hang-out event rather than an official bbq. we'll see what happens.... anyways, time to go to sleep. goodnight!

9/16: Wiston Group, Week 7

It seems like every day in this past week, God gave me fresh new experiences that made the day unique. I got to drive the full-size panel van for the first time, as well as run errands in the afternoon even though Eugene and Sam were both there. I also had to combat hundreds of newborn spiders one morning before they spread across the entire warehouse. On Friday, I even had the opportunity to go shopping at the mall as part of my work. Sure, these things aren't really a big deal. But when an experience as incredible as my time at Wiston Group approaches its end, every little thing becomes so much more memorable.

The first of these little experiences took place Monday morning, when Michael asked me to play the keyboard for a few minutes during the prayer and worship session. All I did was repeat a simple praise song over and over again as he prayed blessings over the company and its workers. But for me, making music has always been a way of connecting with the spiritual realm that my words are incapable of leading me to. It was the first time my life as a musician and my life as a warehouse employee came together. And in the same way God helps me maintain a good attitude through meditating on His greatness, He touched me through the music I played, and paved the way for one of my most memorable weeks at the warehouse.

In general, this week was easier than I expected. But I definitely wasn’t wrong when I assumed that since this 8-week lesson is coming to an end, I will be put through tests involving the things I learned. I lost my car key one evening while running some errands. I was quite angry at myself at first, but concluded that since it already happened, I might as well accept it and have faith that God would use my mistake for his glory. The next morning, I asked Michael to call the companies I visited, and within an hour the key was found, and the company even asked their driver to deliver it later in the day. As with every other week since I began working, I got to spend at least one night having dinner with friends after work. Except this time things didn’t quite go as planned, and I was forced to acknowledge one of my major weaknesses regarding spending time with people and accept things the way they were. After all, it wasn’t all about me. I’m almost completely sure that tests like these will keep coming in the next week, and I pray that I may have the power to endure them and grow from them.

Throughout the week, God's love could be seen in the company. One of the employees, who recently got in a serious accident and had to miss work for over a week, returned on Monday walking on crutches, and just as we all helped fill in for her while she was gone, we continued to pay attention to her needs in the midst of our own busy activities, making sure everything gets done efficiently and assuring her that her handicap will not cause any trouble for the company. In the warehouse, God has answered our prayers and provided us with a new worker, Shan, to replace Eugene. It became especially important for the rest of us to know what roles to play without being asked to do so. In the morning when Terrance is busy training Shan, I must assume responsibility for all the picking and packing. In the afternoon, everyone must do our own part while teaching Shan what to do and catching his mistakes. Sure, it can be a hassle at times, but we're all so appreciative of having a new worker that it doesn't matter. To me, helping Shan gives me a glimpse of how everyone treated me when I was new, and I often remind him not to worry about having so much to remember, since experience will eventually make everything much easier.

By now, I consider just about everyone at Wiston Group a friend, especially those who I have the chance to interact with most frequently. On Friday, Michael asked me to go buy a gift for Eugene from the company, since it was his last day. We shut down the warehouse for a few minutes as Michael presented him the gift in front of everyone. We all wish he can stay, but at the same time we know to encourage him as he takes a step forward to pursue his future career goals. It surprised me that despite an unusually busy day on Friday, Michael asked me to spend a few hours getting Eugene's present. Once again, I was reminded that at Wiston Group we are all treated as far more than just employees. In fact, earlier this week Michael surprised me with a gift too. Even amidst incredibly busy schedules that have made us all go crazy at some point, he never forgets to show us all glimpses of God's love. It's impossible to understand and give love until you've been loved first, and that's what working at Wiston Group is all about - loving people as we've been loved by others, and doing our work to glorify the God who is has given us the greatest love.

As I prepare for my final week at Wiston Group, I'm really not sure exactly what to expect. God has already done so many amazing things, and even though I may not realize it, I'm sure I've already changed a lot. My prayer now is that the same attitude that I had when I first began this job will remain with me until I step out of the warehouse for the last time, and that I will not become lazy or reluctant to do my best because I'm almost leaving. I pray that even if my character is put to test again, I may stand strong and endure as I've been taught to. As my time in the warehouse approaches its end, I must learn to take the things I learned there and bring them with me everywhere I go, so that it may fulfill God's purpose of genuinely transforming me from deep inside. As for the people, and even the tedious work I do, I will miss them all a lot, and only God knows if any of these relationships or experiences will also leave the warehouse with me. But for now, I pray that I may continue to cherish every moment I have at work, making the most out of it and using it to give God glory.

09/16: i guess i'll be doing two updates today, since i'm still working on the WG Week7 entry. so i guess this one's for yesterday. i actually spent the entire day without using the computer, cuz i wasn't exactly home most of the time. the ClayMusic concert was awesome - one of very few times we actually got a full house (several hundred people). i'm really gonna miss working with the other musicians... hopefully we'll get to jam together sometime. went to Banana Bay afterwards for some late-night food, ate til past midnight, so thats why i didn't bother going online when i got home.

and what about the morning? first of all, i stayed up til 3AM on Friday night talking on the phone with Christine. we haven't talked in sooo long... and i think it's been more than a year since i've had one of these lay-in-bed-and-talk-til-im-falling-asleep conversations. i didnt mind staying up late cuz i knew the only thing i had to do the next morning was take my car ("my" car? =) ) for a smog check, which takes 10 minutes. i was gonna go early in the morning so there would be less people, but since i stayed up late i allowed myself to sleep til almost 10, then got up, had some breakfast, and went to the smog check place. turns out i still didnt have to wait in line, and i was out of there in 10 minutes. but thats when things started to NOT go as planned. i drove by Hing Wa Lee Plaza, and peeked in the parking lot as i always do, since i occasionally see some exotics parked there. two yellow objects caught my eyes, one resembling a Skyline GTR and the other resembling a Murcielago. so immediately i made a u-turn, and it was possibly the most valuable u-turn i've ever made in my life.

when your city is named after a nut, you know you can't expect too much from it... and all you guys on CP know everytime i mention Walnut its always followed by some kind of complaint about there not being enough nice cars here. not anymore. yesterday morning i witnessed the most incredible cars i've ever seen in this city after living here for a decade and a half. Bentley? yes. Ferrari? yep. Lamborghini? heck yea. Porsche? plenty. Aston-Martin? yep... Rolls-Royce? come on, HWL drives one himself. Mercedes? uh-huh... and yes, its the $400,000 one. and so is the Porsche (not that the GT3 RS wasn't cool too...). oh and when i said Bentley, i meant a Blue new-generation Azure and a yellow GTC with custom rims. the Aston Martin happened to be a Vanquish S. the Ferraris? a Maranello, bunch of the "usual" ones, and a Novitec Modena... oh and a Challenge Stradale, in YELLOW. the Lamborghinis? where should i begin... yes, there was a Gallardo. and a Murcielago with custom rims. and THREE Diablo 6.0s that came at the same time - yellow, black, and purple.

so apparently there was some huge meet open to all exotics, and i arrived near the beginning of it, and stayed until more than half the cars already left. since the plaza was so small, i got footage of almost every single car. actually, i've already compiled a 10-minute video and slideshow that will be on Car-Parazzi in the next few days (in two segments), and on YouTube shortly after. spent this whole afternoon learning how to do video editing... and i'm quite pleased with the result. i can go on forever writing about those cars, but unfortunately i must get ready for another week of work - my last week at the warehouse, and also my last week of summer. so i'll shut up now.

09/14: ever wondered what it felt like being one of those people who get paid to go shopping for others? thats what i did today... sorta. it was Eugene's last day at Wiston Group, and Michael, who knows he's really into cars, decides to get him a model car as a goodbye present. so he sends Sam - the driver - to fulfill the task. Sam, not knowing much about model cars, asks me where to buy them, only to discover that i'm a collector. the word spreads to Michael, who instead asks me to go choose the car. the budget he set for me suggests AutoArt territory, and i knew exactly what to get. so suddenly i find myself on the road - driving the GMC truck once again - on the way to Puente Hills Mall. as Michael wanted, i call him when i arrive, only to realize he wasn't there and couldn't anser the phone. so i left a message, and ended up at the mall by myself, free to do whatever i want. of course, shopping for car models is probably one of very few things i'd do by myself at the mall, except these days with prices going up and my room getting more and more crowded, i simply can't afford to buy them anymore. but i can always buy them for other people =). especially when everything's paid for - the company pays for gas, the stuff i buy, and even pay me for the time i spend there. how awesome is that? so at the end i get Eugene... *drumroll*... an Impreza WRX, almost identical to the one he actually drives. we shut down the warehouse for a couple minutes as Michael presented the gift in front of everyone in the company. i'm glad he has found better career opportunities that make him have to leave, but at the same time the warehouse simply won't be the same... best of luck at Audi, and we'll miss you a lot!

09/13: another interesting couple days. or maybe it's just cuz now that summer's coming to an end, every little moment suddenly becomes so precious. but anyways, i'm glad to say that i now have my car key back in my hands. my mom sent me to work yesterday morning, and not long after the workday began Michael informed me that my key was found at one of the vendors i went to the previous day when i lost it, and since they deliver to us every day at around noon, they would have the driver being it for me. so the problem was taken care of a lot more quickly than i expected. i don't know what it is... maybe God is letting me go through tests before my 8-week "training" comes to an end?

speaking of tests, one of my biggest weaknesses is dealing with finding the balance between expectation and reality - if things dont go as i expected, i may end up unhappy. but if i completely drop my expectation, then life will simply be depressing. lets just say that i like to have things under my own control. last night i got to enjoy an awesome dinner at Shogun with Cristina Jennifer Athena Sen Steven and Vic. they're all awesome people and i'm very glad to spend time with them, but it was definitely one of those times when things weren't under my control, and i had to force myself to accept it. don't get me wrong, i had plenty of fun... i just have to learn to be more flexible (to an extent). but thinking back on the night, i'm very glad i was invited =).

fast forward to today. things at work have been quite different these days, cuz we have a new guy learning how to do everything, while Eugene is getting ready to leave (tomorrow's his last day). so basically everybody gets to take part in doing everything, and even though it's slightly more chaotic, having an extra person definitely helps get things done a lot faster. today Terrance had me go run a couple errands... not a big surprise, except i was driving the GMC Savana full-size panel van. definitely a new experience for me. you see those white vans driving around all the time, and nobody really pays much attention to them. but when you actually drive one, you feel like you're the king. in fact, i parked next to a Hummer H1 and didn't feel the least bit inferior. of course, backing up was freakin scary cuz i could be running a pedestrian over and not know a thing. but luckily there were no stupid pedestrians around me.

speaking of scary, this morning when i went to the warehouse, i encountered a newly made spiderweb with a tiny little spider on it. the web wasn't there last night, and neither were the dozen or so other ones that i saw around the same desk. the more i looked, the more little spiders i found. at last, i found the epicenter - an expanse of web no larger than my palm, with dozens of little spiders on it. literally. apparently a mother spider (which i didn't find) decided to unleash an entire batch of newborns in the warehouse last night, and there were probably enough of them to cover the entire warehouse in webs. luckily they didn't wander too far yet, and a bottle of ant spray helped take care of them easily. still... it was quite scary. and yes, i'm arachnophobic in case you didn't' know. i have to admit, though, spiders can be a lot of fun to torture, especially at home when the awesome electric tennis racket is within reach. hmm... speaking of that racket, i need to go get something from my car, so maybe i'll go kill a few spiders in the garage while i'm at it...

09/11: very interesting day... first of all, my car is currently left all by itself outside the warehouse, cuz apparentlyi lost my key. im pretty sure i accidentally flung it out of my pocket while picking up stuff from various warehouses earlier this evening. Michael will help me contact them tomorrow morning and hopefully someone will find it. if not... iono... we'll see. this is definitley NOT the time i expect to be spending more money on this car, so i'm quite frustrated about it right now. but anyways, enough about that.

on a brighter note, i'm glad to say that this is one of very few moments i can brag about being caught up with technology. normally i don't bother spending money on the newest gadgets just cuz i know the prices will always drop cuz things will always get old. but with a collection of about 3000 car pictures, currently scattered across various CDR's, and plenty of potential audio editing projects i plan on doing (come on, i didn't buy a Mac for no reason =) ), i definitely need a place to store all my digital stuff. and now at last i've given them a new home-

09/09: Wiston Group, week 6

This week has been surprisingly relaxing after all the struggles of the previous two weeks. First, having only four days of work made it feel extremely short. Also, the temperature on Tuesday dropped a good ten degrees from the previous week’s, and each day that followed became even cooler. On top of all that, the workload this week was probably the lightest since the first week I began working. From Tuesday through Thursday, we were able to leave work at 6:30, and even though Friday was slightly busier, we still finished by 6:45. Michael’s acts of kindness didn’t end with the improvement in weather; on Tuesday we found the refrigerator filled almost entirely with Gatorade, with a sign saying “reserved for warehouse staff and drivers only”. I could have survived the week easily without the beverages, but they definitely helped make things even better than they already were. At some points, the warehouse was actually more comfortable than the office, and I could have easily fallen into a deep nap during the many extended periods of time when there was nothing to do. I wonder if this week was a sign from God that the toughest part of my time at Wiston Group is already over, and from now on things will start winding down.

The more I think about it, the more I’m certain that I shouldn’t expect my final two weeks in the warehouse to be too easy. I’m sure that God will give us time to rest when it’s necessary, but if I go to work expecting an easy day, chances are I will end up disappointed. And besides, there are plenty of things going on at Wiston Group now that make me believe these last few weeks will be filled with surprises.

Before leaving work on Friday, I suddenly realized that Eugene, who has worked beside me ever since my first day at the warehouse, is leaving in less than a week. We all wish he can stay longer, but because he is attending training for future career opportunities, we know it is right for him to go. His departure means that unless Michael hires a new worker by the end of the week, Terrance and I will be left with far more work than we can handle on our own. When it comes to a warehouse with only a supervisor, two workers, and a driver who occasionally helps us with our work, every single person is crucial. And at the rate things are going now, I’m even beginning to feel a bit guilty that after two weeks I’ll be gone too. Terrance has been extremely stressed about the future of the warehouse, since it takes a couple weeks of training before any new employee can start working at his full potential. From what I heard, Michael is extremely selective when it comes to hiring new workers, and will only take the ones he feels are perfect. But I know the reason behind his selectiveness is that he is depending on God to send the right person at the right time, and the only thing I should do is join him as he continues praying for wisdom.

This week I got the chance to join Michael on a visit to the new warehouse. Everything is still under construction, but the first thing that struck me was its size; it is several times larger than our current warehouse, meaning all our worries about not having enough space to do our work and hold our inventory will be gone. It even makes me wish I can keep the job for just a few more weeks just so I can experience the exciting transition into a new stage of God’s plan for Wiston Group. But just as Eugene is obligated to leave, I too have obligations, namely school, that force me to depart. As much as I feel bad for leaving Terrance with only the yet-to-be-hired new worker(s), if God calls me to leave then I must go.

It still puzzles me, though, why this past week just cruised by so smoothly. I know I certainly shouldn’t expect to leave the warehouse celebrating as if God’s work is done. The purpose of a lesson isn’t to get it over with, but to learn new things that can be applied even after the lesson itself is done. My job at Wiston Group isn’t a test of survival, but the beginning of a great story of the things that God will do in my life as a result of what I’ve learned. As far as I can see now, it doesn’t seem like I’ve changed much, and much of my confusion stems from the fact that at this point I expect to see more change in my character than I actually see. But then again, as I spend more time thinking about this whole idea of character, I’m starting to realize that it is much more subtle than I had thought. Like a seed, it is planted deep inside me, and at first it is pretty much invisible on the surface. But over time and through good nurturing, it will push itself out of the ground, only a little bit at first and eventually growing larger and bearing fruit to testify to its greatness. Even if very little changes on my outside, the journey that led me to this job assures me that God has already planted a seed deep inside me, and because He has a purpose for everything, I’m sure that every day I spend at work is part of His intricate lesson plan for me. With that in mind, I look forward to the amazing things He will continue doing in my life in my last two weeks at Wiston Group.

09/08: it's amazing how much things have changed since i started working in the warehouse...i used to dread waking up every day thinking there's nothing to do, and now i actually look forward to a weekend to rest and relax. i knew all along that because of the area trip last weekend, i wouldn't have a chance to really catch up on sleep until now. and there's nothing wrong with that =). and besides, my to-do list at home is getting longer and longer, and it's about time i start crossing some stuff off. i need to catch up on writing letters, take care of some stuff for school, call a bunch of people, and work on my room some more. oh and i also need to clean out my car (some of you know why =) ). speaking of my car, i'm working on a huge entry about it, which won't be posted for a while, but definitely needs plenty of preparation. so i guess that's wut i'll be doing most of today, especially since there's no cell at night. (by the way, there's a tentative end-of-summer BBQ party currently being planned... no promise it's gonna happen, but i'll keep you posted =) ). oh and i almost forgot... last night Choe and Wendy came to visit my room... and turns out Wendy used to work in the diecast car business. totally unexpected... its not everyday someone can see my collection and automatically know which ones are worth the most. almost makes me wish i have my new displays done already... but that will still take a lot of work. i guess i should go work on it now huh? ok then, i'll shut up now.

09/06: this has definitely been a pretty relaxing week so far... thank God for the awesome weather, making my job actually comfortable =). Monday was still extremely hot, but i went to Little Bean with Ken and Diana to have shaved ice, so it wasn't all that bad =). dropped them off at their respective dinner parties afterwards, and i ended up finding myself inside the gates of The Country for the first time since maybe middle school or elementary school. so of course, i took advantage of it and put my camera to good use =). from Tuesday on, the weather was perfect. and Michael filled the entire fridge with Gatorade with a sign that says "reserved for warehouse staff and driverrs". wow, i feel special =).

Tuesday night - went to the ClayMusic monthly dinner & prayer meeting. thats when i realized how tired i was after the long weekend - after sitting there for an hour or so, i was totally falling asleep... but by now i'm already used to sleeping before midnight on a regular basis, so catching up on rest isn't really a problem. we have some awesome events coming up too, with the next concert (San Gabriel) in a week and a half, and several tours in the next few months... but too bad i won't be in any of those cuz they take up way too much time, and school's gonna start soon. which reminds me... i still need to find a place to live in LA...

anyways, fast forward to tonight. got off work at 6:30 for the third day in a row(!!), so i had time to come home and relax a bit before meeting with Cristina at Chili's for dinner. yep, she's STILL not sick of me yet. hehe... and apparently now these dinners are officially a weekly event, which gives me something to look forward to every week =). Tammy Steven and Jennifer came to join us afterwards too and we all went to Claim Jumper for some awesome dessert. i forgot what it was called, but it had chocolate and freshly made bread and ice cream, and it was really really good. so we all ate and got really hyper n talked n laughed... oh and we took pictures too. i'll post them sometime, along with all the pics from the Area Trip. cant promise when though, cuz there's so much i have to do these days... but if you want the pics first, feel free to ask me for them cuz they're all on my computer already.

so yea, that brings me where i am right now, back in my room in front of the computer. i'm in a cleaning mood again, meaning i'll probably make plenty of progess in my almost-finished room these next few days. then again, there's lots i need to do this weekend too. there's some pretty awesome stuff going on in my life right now that i'm dying to share about, but i'm saving it until all the little details are taken care of, then i'll write a big entry on it. but for now, it's time to shut up and get ready for more chatting, cleaning, and preparing to sleep!

09/03: Wiston Group, Week 5.

Looking back at this past week of work, it seems like it was, in a way, the most routine week so far, leaving all my memories as more of a single block of time than a bunch of events spanned over five days. And it's not because I went straight to a weekend-long trip to UCLA after work on Friday and didn't have time to reflect earlier. Combine several consecutive days of abnormally heavy workloads with record-high temperatures, and there's really nothing left in me to try and force myself to maintain an optimistic attitude. We basically just worked for the sake of getting it over with so we could go home. When it comes to following God's purpose, sometimes it's more important to just be obedient rather than force myself to enjoy the situation even when it's clearly not enjoyable. In fact, I realized that the assumption that I need to always be happy at work stems from the same all-about-me attitude that I'm trying to fight against. This week's difficult situations have forced me to stop thinking unnecessary thoughts and simply do the work I'm called to do.

My first challenge this week was to run the entire warehouse by myself on Monday morning, since Terrance took a day off. Knowing how much he sacrifices for the rest of us, often taking the most undesirable tasks into his own hands to save us work, I was glad he got to take his well-deserved break. A part of me was excited about having the freedom to be in charge of myself, but I was also scared of running into situations beyond what I knew how to handle. I survived the morning just fine, but realized how difficult it was to handle customers, deliveries, and the usual pick-pack-ship routine all by myself, and as a result learned to appreciate those who I work with a lot more. I was greatly relieved when Eugene and Jerry arrived later in the day, and an unexpected pack of ice-cold Gatorade from Michael helped too. But as the workday approached its end, we were faced with more work than we could handle, and ended up staying much later than we ever did before (at least since I came). It was extremely difficult for me to maintain my composure as I drove home, but after last week's events I had the control not to let my frustration take over me.

Knowing that the week was already off to a rough start on the first day, it was hard to look forward to the rest of it, especially since the following days brought no less work than the first. We still ended up working quite late, though not as late as Monday. With the temperature rising every day, it was increasingly difficult to be thankful for anything. God knew our needs, and provided us with unexpected cold beverages every single day. But during the roughest times, we found ourselves sweating uncontrollably only seconds after returning to work from a quick drink. Only God could create a good outcome from such difficult conditions, and I'm glad to say that he definitely did.

Even though all of us wished for better working conditions, I realized that there was an increase in a new kind of joy in the warehouse in the form of teamwork. I'm definitely not the only one that sometimes purposely avoids the most difficult tasks by pretending not to see them, but we all know that sooner or later all the work must be done, and being too selective about what we choose to do will only lead to all of us going home later. When it comes to maintaining the right work attitude, it's easy to fall into either being too lazy to work or being overly focused on it. Sometimes, I get a bit unhappy when I'm in 'work mode' and other people interrupt my flow of work. But upon realizing that we're all going to suffer from doing more than what we want to do, much of the tension is relaxed, often through casual conversations and occasional laughter while working that reminds us that we are a team. Almost every customer and truck driver who came to the warehouse greeted us with some form of complaint about the weather, assuring us that we were not alone. Even though I was too caught up in the difficult conditions to think beyond what was necessary, deep inside a part of me was thankful for the people around me, for the beverages that kept us going, and for the very situation God put me in.

On Friday, the temperature in the warehouse reached a record-high 106 degrees, leaving us pretty much helpless. Fortunately, it was also the first day this week when the workload was actually light. Not once in the afternoon did we feel overwhelmed by the number of orders we had to handle, and even though we worked at a significantly lower speed, we all spent a large amount of time resting and waiting for our next tasks. When there was an order to fulfill, we found ourselves working together. It was sort of a combination of feeling guilty while watching others work and feeling accomplished when there’s time for all of us to rest. I remembered on Monday during the morning prayer/worship session when I wondered how much work the week would bring, and how soon the pressure would kick in. Little did I know that I would stay at work later than I ever did that very evening. This week has definitely been the most difficult so far, but I know God had saved it until now so that I would have time to grow and prepare for it ahead of time. And after what seemed like a week endless suffering, God wrapped up the week by giving us a break, just like He did the previous week. Despite the heat, we were able to stay on top of things the whole day, and by 6:30 we were done with not only all our work for the day, but almost all of the preparation that is usually saved until the next morning.

The realization that my time at Wiston Group is approaching its end has made me realize that I’ve become quite attached to my job. Sure, it’s very tiring, but I never find myself questioning whether or not I’m in the right place anymore. And something that takes so much of my time every day naturally becomes a part of my lifestyle. Sometimes it’s still hard for me to decide whether I’m in favor of seeing the company grow or having less work on my own part (which means less sales for the company). But without a doubt I know that the company is filled with God’s blessings, and that knowledge is affirmed each time I attend the Monday morning prayer meetings and sometimes through conversations with Michael that give me more insight on the company and its people. Michael is currently seeking to hire new workers in place of Eugene and me, and even though everyone in the warehouse wants them to come as soon as possible, he and I both know that we must be patient and pray, believing that God will provide the most suitable employees when the time is right. Patience has always been a key characteristic of Michael’s leadership of the company. In fact, after several years of seeking and praying, God has finally provided Wiston Group with a new facility, located in the same business plaza as our current location but several times larger. The moving will take place in the beginning of October, which means I won’t be there anymore by the time it happens. But having become a part of God’s plan for the company, I’m just as excited as everyone else about the ways in which He has blessed the company. Even though my work is becoming more and more routine, I still find it just as important to remind myself of the journey that brought me where I am now and the lessons I’m here to learn. And the more I think about it, the more I begin to ask myself about these lessons. What exactly is “character”? What does it mean to have a stronger character? How will my lessons of endurance and obedience reflect into my everyday life and how others see me? It seems kind of strange that after working all this time thinking I know what I'm supposed to learn, it turns out I'm finding out my lessons as I learn them. All I know so far is that because these things are so different from the self-centered attitude that has always defined me, there is no way for me to comprehend them except through experience. The idea of character reaches far deeper than where I'm comfortable with, to a place where my attitudes and actions are not influenced by the people around me. By no means will I work to compete with others or do things to give myself glory. I will believe in myself through God's guidance, not letting circumstances sway me from the path He wants me to take.

A large part of this growth comes from obedience and humility, both of which have turned out to be extremely different than what I had originally expected. It's easy to picture a humble and obedient person as someone who is extremely passive, waiting quietly to be told what to do and doing it exactly by the rules. I began my time in the warehouse by bombarding Terrance with countless questions to assure myself that I’m following the rules and won't screw anything up. But I quickly found out that people expected me to be much more aggressive, paying more attention to the needs around me and not always waiting to be told what to do. It puzzled me to think how such distinct characteristics could coexist, but after weeks of juggling the need to be obedient, patient, and careful and the need to be quick, aggressive, and open-minded, I've concluded that this very coexistence is, in fact, a large part of the character growth I'm pursuing. When humility is rooted inside me, it will be a part of me no matter if I need to be passive or active. When I'm open-minded enough to judge what to do on my own without breaking the rules, I've added a new level of creativity into the job, engaging not only my body, but my heart. I know God's plan is not for me to be so submissive that I lose my own originality; everyone was created differently, and God wants us to live out those differences and use them for His glory. But at the same time, it’s extremely difficult for me not to use this originality as a means of drawing attention to myself. The character that I seek will definitely be noticeable on the outside, but it is extremely fragile and I must protect it from being shattered by my pride. It is not something I can walk out of the warehouse and start bragging about; it belongs deep inside me and stays between God and me.

So what, then, does it really feel like to live a life of such character? And how will God use the rest of my summer to transform me into this different character that I have yet to understand? These are the things I wish to find out with the remaining few weeks I have at Wiston Group. For now, I thank God for a three-day weekend to rest and pray that He will continue to fulfill His purpose for me as a warehouse employee.

09/03: some of you know that the reason i was so desperate to earn money this summer isn't just to have fun with friends and pay for gas, or even prepare to start paying back college loans... there was one decision that i've thought about for years, slowly getting more and more serious about it, but never really took action since it wasn't an emergency. i just waited for the right time, knowing that God will provide what is right for me. just this past year or so, there were several times when i felt like the chance had come, but was hesitant to make a firm decision and ended up giving it up. but this time i know it's right. i've mentioned it to a lot of people, but wasn't completely certain at the time. now things are pretty much confirmed. for now, i'll leave you with a picture, with details to come later.

09/02: UCLA Area Trip Journals

Saturday Night, 1:30AM - It's always nice to take a break after a long day and reflect on everything that has happened. so far, the UCLA Area Trip has been going amazingly well. Yesterday I somehow got off work at 6:30, and with the help of good traffic conditions, arrived @ UCLA at 7:30, a whole hour earlier than what I had expected. the drive itself was a strange experience - for the past four years i've lived a life at school where everything was done on foot (or scooter), while at home everything required driving. and after driving my car for all these years, the whole experience - the wind, the sound, the smell... - registers in my head as a single ambience. now suddenly the two worlds - both entirely familiar to be but so different from each other - have suddenly collided. went to find Mariko, who works for UCLA parking, to buy my weekend permit, then parked and wandered around the dorm area a little, refamiliarizing myself with the atmosphere. met with Lisa, who had the key to Tim's room where I would be staying at. suddenly i turned Korean and had a new identity. but hey, all Asians look the same right? =). chilled in Lisa's room in Deneve for a while. had dinner with Elizabeth and Mariko @ Rieber - did i mention the room also comes with a meal plan? =). it was another strange experience - so familiar, yet so distant. the whole idea of me "visiting" a place that I had always considered a home left me unsure of how to feel, and at one moment i even got lost looking for the ice cream machine. but either way, i'm glad to be here again. chilled w/ Elizabeth & Mariko in their study lounge in Rieber. another strange experience - i actually had to get a guest pass to get in the dorms! Sophia came by to say hi, and I got to meet a bunch of her friends who were foreign exchange students. summer life at UCLA is soo different from normal schooltime - the diversity of peoplein the dorms extends beyond UCLA students to international students from all over the world, along with athletes, staff, and other people in special programs. and it's awesome that everyone gets to interact with each other. i took a half-hour break to go move my stuff into Tim's room (in Delta), followed by a shower that i've been wanting to take since I got off work. went back to Rieber to visit Sophia - i thought having to get a guest pass for the dorms was weird, but it's even crazier to have to do it TWICE in the same night with different hosts. the people at the desk recognized me and basically just had me sign another paper and told me "same rules apply". went to Sophia's room (which is in the same hallway as my room freshman year) n talked until like 2:30AM. seems like we never run out of stuff to talk about, and especially now that it's a weekend, there's really nothing that makes us have to shut up other than the fact that it was late and we were tired - and that I had to wake up at 8AM this morning...

one of the most amazing things about this trip is that all my mornings are actually filled. I assumed nobody would wake up early just to hang out, but Serena not only invited me to visit her apartment at 8:30AM, but actually stayed at school an extra night just so we could meet up. so the day started with another strange experience - waking up early after insufficient sleep and finding myself speeding down Westwood Blvd on my scooter 10 minutes later. I wish I had time to walk around campus and refamiliarize myself, but that alone could take days, so all I saw was a blur, and suddenly I was talking with Serena at her apartment. she made breakfast for us too =). chilled until 10 when she had to pack & go home, then cruised around Westwood Village for a little bit by myself. called Sophia knowing she was going to Westwood with the international students at around the same time, so we met up back ono campus and took the bus down to Ross for some budget-conscious shopping. I had to leave early though, cuz I told Elizabeth & Mariko we would have lunch. (the whole Ross thing was more of a sporadic decision for me to join, since i had some time to kill. but it was definitely lots of fun). met w/ Elizabeth & Mariko @ LeConte - in the middle between SM Blvd & Rieber (considering i took the bus back), and lunched at Mr. Noodle. they refilled our thai iced teas twice - we were all so full, but my Asianness insists that if i can get more for what i paid for, i must accept it =). and besides, we got to walk it off going back up the hill - NOW i get to see Bruinwalk at normal walking-to-class speed. sat at the bottom of the Rieber Steps & talked for a while - i had to leave cuz it was already 3 and I had to get to Beverly Hills - come on, it's a Saturday afternoon and I already drove all the way to LA. it was definitely a unique day - the only real downside was when i missed a Panoz AIV roadster. highlights include an SLR, Superamerica, and LP640 Roadster. yep, it was a good day. and if that's not enough, Lisa drove out to meet me @ Sprinkles for some cupcakes - i ended up not ordering my own, cuz by that point i was so dehydrated that the last thing I needed was more sugar. and of course, i didn't have to use my scooter to get back to campus (yes, I purposely decided not to drive myslef there - being in a car can be too distracting and inconvenient for my purposes).

went back to Delta for a quick shower, then met w/ Lisa again for dinner in Rieber. Elizabeth came to join us too - apparently they never ran into each other during the summer until now. but i'm glad i helped them find another friend to eat with, since so few people are around the dorms during summertime. afterwards i went to watch Ratatouille (how to spell!?) with Lisa in Westwood - yes, i went to Westwood AGAIN. and believe it or not, tonight marks the end of a streak of over a year and a half since the last time I went to a movie theater (Underworld Revolution). yes, i know, it's ridiculous. but i normally watch movies more as a social event than for the actual film itself, so when people don't invite me, i end up falling way behind on movies. I guess recently it's just been hard to squeeze in a few hours of sitting and staring at a screen in my schedule, but since I'm already at UCLA and had no plans for the night, might as well go have some fun, right? and the movie was awesome - Pixar has impressed me once again =). afterwards, we were on our way back to campus and got to talk with a couple homeless guys... it was quite an experience - one of my big flaws has always been coming up with excuses to avoid doing things i don't feel like doing, such as participating in IV's homeless ministry events. it's not that i don't want to do good, but i'm just too focused on my own desires to see the needs of others. and especially now that God has provided me with a job, i'm glad i got to use some of it to contribute to His kingdom. Lisa's generosity truly amazes me, and i wish to have the same attitude someday. our conversations in Westwood also brought up several interesting issues regarding God's views on limiting one's generosity... i'll save all that for another entry in the future, but for now it definitely leaves me with plenty to think about.

and that brings me where I am now, back in Delta Terrace taking a break to write before going to sleep. tomorrow will be another exciting day, and so far it seems like the trip will end tomorrow night as planned, isnce I feel like I need to spend some time at home now that I'm always so busy working all th eetime. and I'll definitely need to make up some sleep too. speaking of sleep, I think I'll go now. Goodnight!

Sunday night, 1:00AM - i can jump in bed - my bed at home - any minute now and probably fall asleep right away. but the lack of sleep these past few days was totally worth it. the Area Trip has turned out so well i don't even know how to describe it, and i feel like i should get all my feelings out before going to sleep. this morning i woke up at 9 for breakfast with Sophia Ingrid Eunice and Shane - isnt that awesome? it's a weekend, and people still want to eat breakfast with me =). Sophia liked the "teafee" i made for her - hopefully that will be a good reason to eat with me again. Shane came at the end and everyone else had to leave, so i stayed to eat more with him. i guess i really haven't changed since last schoolyear =). afterwards there wasn't much to do, so i hopped on my scooter and went to Sunset Blvd, just like i do during the schoolyear when i feel like going out by myself. people who live in Sunset Village usually think they're lucky being so close to campus, but that's cuz they don't travel regularly to the West Gate - it suddenly seemed so far away, especially cuz it was so hot outside. but for some of the pictures i got, it was totally worth it. i had about an hour and a half to kill before the next activity on my calendar, so i sporadically decided to go to Beverly Hills - AGAIN. but this time i actually drove there. let me explain... i know i always say i prefer to get there on foot, and that's definitely true. but this was done for the sake of time - 5 minutes vs 45 minutes. pretty much just parked and did the hunting on scooter as usual. the triangle was actually abnormally quiet for a weekend, but just before i left i shot something quite amazing - a RR Phantom. oh and i forgot to mention, it's a STRETCH LIMO. and it's real too. that thing was simply insane... and yes, the pics will be on CP as soon as i have time to organize them. anyways, got the phone call that cued me to go back to UCLA, then went down to Westwood to meet with Cinda! yep, we finally got to meet up again! our usual schedules makes it nearly impossible to hang out without long-distance driving, but since i'm already in LA and her donut shop isn't far, we figured this was a good chance =). got boba at Noodle Planet (yes, more Thai tea!! =) ), which we finished extremely fast cuz it was soo hot outside. walked around for a bit, then sat down n chilled. ran into Becca Euria and Robin on their way to buy stuff... i love how even though there aren't many people around in the summer, every once in a while i still see familiar faces. there wasn't much more to do in Westwood, so Cinda n i decided to go shopping at Westside Pavillion. did the usual walking and talking while shopping, then came back to UCLA to drive around Bel-Air n check out all the nice houses. then stopped in the dorm area to chill for half an hour (since that's how much time she put in the ridiculously expensive parking meters). went straight to Rieber afterwards for dinner w/ Elizabeth and Mariko. Lisa also came to join us - it's soo great to get to spend my last dinner of the trip with all of them. also ran into Chris and Eric there but they were busy so we didn't get to eat together. it's ok, there will be plenty of time after school starts =). the rest of my night was pretty much figured out at dinner - finish moving stuff out of Delta and throw it back on the car, go to Ackerman Turnaround to retrieve my scooter (which i had left locked on a bike rack before meeting with Cinda there), give my Korean identity back to Lisa to give to Tim when he returns tomorrow, and get inside Rieber before 9 to avoid the hassle of having to be signed in for a third time in the same weekend. it all worked out as planned - i got to Rieber at 8:30 and stayed at Elizabeth and Mariko's room. they were both studying(!!), so i brought some work to do too, namely my journal entries, including parts of this one =). went to visit Antonio next door - he's their RA, and i didn't know he was there until Friday night when i walked past his door. also met Stefan, an exchange student from Switzerland! (no, it's not Stefan Erickson hehe... i'm pretty sure he's still in jail right now...). did a lot of catching up and talking about music like we always do. Antonio had an atonal piano piece on his computer and didn't know its name, so he labeled it as "scary halloween music". shows how much people appreciate modern music hehe. but the title really does fit the piece well =). so apparently Antonio was at Noodle Planet when i went with Cinda to get boba, but i didn't know he saw me until afterwards. its amazing how everything comes together at the end =). went down a couple floors afterwards to say hi/bye to Sophia and Ingrid. talked for a while and acted like immature little kids (with pictures to prove it, which i'll post wheni have time). i left after saying bye and the whole have-a-good-summer/see-you-when-school-starts thing, but ended up coming back cuz i left a bottle of water there hehe. stayed at Elizabeth and Mariko's a bit more and left with them when they left to go running at the stadium. took random pictures at the Rieber steps, and i ended up walking with them to the stadium for the heck of it - my parking permit doesn't expire until 7AM, and tehcnically tomorrow is free cuz its a holiday, so what do i have to lose? =). i've actually never gone to the track at night after all the lights are off - it was pretty scary, but all the talking and laughing made up for it =). we said our final goodbyes, then they went to run and i turned around to walk to my car.

i kept stopping on the way there to look around - during the schoolyear it's impossible to find so much silence around there; late at night there's less people out, but the ones who are out are usually increasingly crazier. but not this time - it felt like i was the only moving creature in the entire picture, and it felt quite surreal, especially since it was midnight and i was pretty tired already. within these past few days i've travelled around a lot - both on campus and in the surrounding cities, and the walk to my car brought back so many memories, both of the present and of the past years. i look forward to returning again in a few weeks when school starts, even though there are still plenty of things i need to take care of before i can "move in". i'll still be hanging around the dorm area a lot and eating in the dining halls, and even though i won't be living in the dorms anymore, i expect the experience to be no less exciting than the past four years. but for now, this is what i get - a weekend where different worlds came together, friendships were strengthened, wonderful memories were relived, and new memories were made. tomorrow morning i will wake up - well rested for the first time this weekend - and suddenly all these things that i've written about will become a memory of the past, a mental block of excitement that seems too good to be true, but leaves me eager to return for my last quarter as a student at UCLA.

with all that said, i definitely need to thank some people who helped make this trip happen. special thanks to Tim, Ben, Lisa, & Sue for helping me with my living situation, either by allowing me to use the room or by helping me organize the process of getting the key into my hands. additional thanks to Tim for providing me with meal swipes - even though they were just extra swipes, they really helped me a lot. also, thanks to Mariko for answering all my questions about parking on campus and helping me get my weekend permit to ease my worries about being ticketed for making unexpected mistakes. and of course, thanks to everyone that spent time with me this weekend - every one of you helped contribute to making this trip as awesome as it was, and i look forward to meeting up again after school starts. lastly, thanks to God for providing me with a job where i can earn the money needed to turn this trip into reality, fulfilling my promises to visit friends and giving me a little vacation in the midst of so much hard work. i guess this brings my longest, most eventful, and most amazing area trip so far to an end. Goodnight!!