12/31: The last entry of one of the most incredible years in my life. 2007 was a year full of extremes – extreme lifestyles, extreme emotions, extreme transformations. I had my harshest arguments, fought my deepest struggles, and also experienced my most passionate and joyful moments. It’s hard to let a year like this come to an end without taking at least a little time to reflect on all the things that God has done in it.

Extreme lifestyles – God convicted me to lay aside teaching piano in the summer and find a low-paying job, which turned out to be at a warehouse where I spent over nine hours a day packing boxes in nearly unbearable temperatures. Once school resumed, I found myself doing something very few people have done – spend an entire quarter sleeping in a car. It was uncomfortable, inconvenient, and even a little dangerous, but God allowed me to go through such experiences so that I could grow in character. Working at Wiston Group helped me realize my own pride, and also taught me to value my education and everything I have that gives me a chance to find a better job in the future. Living in my car taught me to depend on others and on God, and invest in other people’s lives rather than only inviting them into mine. These experiences were tough and often caused me to complain, but looking back I’m glad to say that I don’t regret them, because through them I learned valuable lessons that I couldn’t have learned better in any other way.

Extreme emotions – This year marked my last year as an undergraduate music student, and during Winter and Spring quarter I wrote my two largest works so far – “Exodus” and “Forty Years”. Each one took several weeks of almost nonstop work, and consumed almost all the free time I had to a point where I began to lose touch with my physical self. But the results were the most passion-filled works of art I have ever created, and they opened up a deep part of my heart that words are incapable of describing. On the opposite end of the spectrum, this year also marked my most angry, bitter, and violent moments. I doubted God when He didn’t give me my summer job immediately when I began looking for it, and fell into depression and anger. God’s work in building my character involved many intense battles against my pride, which often resulted in me exploding at people around me. I hurt my family through both words and actions, even though they did nothing wrong to deserve it, and was too consumed by anger and pride to say sorry. The hardness in my heart reached an all-time high, and I lived each day in fear of more explosions, slowly giving up the fight.

Extreme transformations – Just when I thought everything in my life was falling apart, God heard the cries of my heart and rescued me. Through an incredible retreat in the mountains, God revealed Himself to me and gave me courage to deal with my past, humility to embrace the present and hope to face the future. I rediscovered the importance of putting Him first in my life, and returned home freed from all the things that once prevented me from living my life to its fullest. My attitudes toward God, my friends, my family, my church, and my future have all been radically transformed, and I now live a new life of freedom.

This is not only the beginning of a new year, but the beginning of my post-college life and also the beginning of a new life of freedom from the things that enslaved me in the past. I believe it is no coincidence that all these new beginnings are taking place at the same time, and I’m sure God is preparing me for even more incredible journeys that He will take me through. My prayer for 2008 is that I will not take for granted this freedom I have now through Christ, but will rather fight for His kingdom in every way possible, whether it’s through the way I interact with my family and friends or my attitude toward figuring out my career goals. Even though there are still many unanswered questions in my life at this point, I believe the most important thing God wants me to do is trust Him. His love never fails me, and I look forward to seeing His will continue to be done in my life in 2008.

12/30: Winter Retreat reflections, continued from previous two entries.

Back at home again after one of the most amazing retreats (if not the single most amazing one) I’ve ever been to. I’m the only one still awake at home right now, and normally in a situation like this I allow Satan to take control of me, turning my eyes and my mind to things I shouldn’t focus on. But tonight things will not be the same – God’s love is here – it’s always been here, but time after time I pretend it didn’t exist, and nailed Jesus on the cross just so I could enjoy a few moments of earthly pleasure. This time it’s here in my heart, and I feel more free than I ever did before.

During this morning’s session, the last session before going home, I felt tears flowing down my face almost immediately when I started singing the worship songs. God spoke to me right away, and assured me that what happened last night was real, and that the fire had not died overnight. As I sat on the bus, I thought about what God was about to do once Carol, Ben, and I got back to church, and the tears continued to flow. I felt a bit stupid for crying by myself when I wasn’t sitting with anyone or talking to anyone, but God told me to be brave and be strong, because something amazing was about to happen. In fact, He had prepared the perfect opportunity for this miracle. Ben and I, along with our moms, are participating in the worship team for next Sunday’s Chinese service, and our rehearsal was immediately after the bus arrived in the parking lot. Last night, I felt God telling me that we could not worship together as a family until our sins toward one another were dealt with. So I suggested to Carol and Ben that we go talk with our parents immediately upon arriving at church before Carol went home and Ben and I stayed with our parents for worship.

And that’s exactly what we did. Upon returning to church and getting off the bus, I found Carol, who rode separately and arrived before me, waiting for me with my luggage, which she had already found for me. We found Ben, and after greeting our family members, we took them inside the empty sanctuary and apologized to them. As the oldest of us three, I felt that it was only right for me to speak first, telling our parents how much God has done in our lives and saying sorry to my mom. I began crying uncontrollably again before I finished speaking, and in the next few minutes Carol and I, our mom, Ben, his parents and our grandma celebrated a victory together that will forever change our family. Tears of love and joy filled the room as we all embraced each other.

With everything said and done, it was time for worship practice. I feel so blessed to be able to lead worship with Ben and both of our moms, and even though I was quite tired after retreat, something about this practice session was different. When we all shared our prayer requests afterwards, I felt the same God that gave me courage to pray for others at the retreat touch me again, and said probably the most sincere prayer I ever prayed for any worship team I participated in. After going home with Mom, we spent the rest of the evening talking about what I learned at retreat and dwelling on the new joy that God has given us.

I pray that this joy will never leave our family. When we face individual struggles, may we share our feelings with one another and be the people that understand each other the most. May we carry out our plan of having family Bible studies and help each other grow in God as individuals and as a family. As for myself, I pray that I can always love and respect Carol and Mom like I do right now, and that I will never be too prideful to say I’m sorry. May God seal the victory He has won in our family today, and continue to give us strength to fight so that Satan will never be able to tear us apart.

As my body convinced me slowly that it’s time to sleep, I realized that just because I’m back at home it doesn’t mean I don’t need to meditate on God’s greatness before sleeping. Soon the things I do in my everyday life will begin to overwrite the images of the beautiful mountains and trees that currently appear in my head each time I close my eyes. But may I always remember that God is so much bigger than the mountains or the stars in the sky. May I look up to God in His glory and allow His wonders to touch my heart, even here in my own room.

Before I end, there’s one last thing I need to do. At retreat everyone had a paper bag on the wall with their name written on it, and throughout the last few days we got to leave notes for each other. I haven’t looked in by bag yet, but after all the encouragement I received this weekend I believe God has something important to say to me inside that bag. So right now I will read the notes and let them minister to me.

…As numerous notes fell out of my bag, I once again experienced that joy I felt last night when I realized how much people really care about me. Thanks to everyone who left me a note, whether serious or funny. I’m so blessed to have all of you in my life, and I pray that I can be just as much of a blessing to you.

As I read the notes one by one, I was surprised that I didn’t start crying like crazy again. But God reminded me that the tears I cried this weekend were from Him and not from me. The tears were so comforting to me because I was being set free from my sins, my past, and my insecurities. But now I sit here more free than ever before, and I need to learn to move on from those tears with joy and ask God how I can honor Him in my everyday life through the freedom He blessed me with.

Of course, I haven’t forgotten my original prayers before going up the mountain. And I’m glad to say that God didn’t neglect my needs regarding direction for my life after college. I didn’t receive a divine revelation about exactly what I’ll be doing from now on, but I did learn to trust Him above all else and believe in His greatness once again. The words in Romans 8:28 that has guided me through college still applies now. If God’s not worried about it, then why should I be worried? The most important thing isn’t where to find a job, but how to let my character grow. As long as I trust God, He will direct my path.

Thank you God for intervening in the midst of my self-centered concerns and prayers and showing me a much bigger picture. Thank you for bringing my broken family back together, and for pulling me out of my darkest sins and setting me free. Thank you for radically moving in our church, giving us a new and desperately needed hope for the future. I pray that You do whatever it takes in everyone’s lives to make sure this fire doesn’t die. Teach us to encourage each other and keep each other accountable so that we don’t stumble into our past sins again. Remind us to think of Your majesty and the power of Your death on the cross, and may You be the source of our courage, strength, love, and joy. Bless the leaders of GCCI, that they may be bold and lead the church as You call them to, without being swayed by differing opinions. Bless everyone in the English congregation, that we may learn to submit to authority, whether it’s our parents or the church leaders. May those who went to retreat not only keep the fire burning in their lives and each other’s lives, but pass it on to those who didn’t get to go with us. May You bless my family, that we can grow together in Your love every day. Thank you again for this amazing encounter with You, and may Your will continue to be done. Amen.

12/29: I was planning to save this entry for the bus ride home tomorrow, but sometimes when God is at work, it’s impossible to just turn away from it. It’s almost 3AM and our reflection time just ended minutes ago. This is a historical night, both for the church and for me personally. Even if I decide to go to bed now, I probably won’t be able to fall asleep. God has done so much, and I must give myself enough time to reflect and allow His miracles to sink into my heart completely before letting myself rest.

Usually it seems like the typical Christian day involves waking up clean and battling temptations throughout the day, then confessing at night and starting clean again the next day. On this mountain things are just the opposite. After last night’s breakthroughs, I woke up this morning feeling ashamed at being so open in my small group. Satan was working in my heart from the moment I opened my eyes, but throughout the day I was reminded more and more of God’s greatness, and at night He unleashed His healing power over all of us. Everyone, both leaders and followers, confessed their sins toward one another and received complete forgiveness and strength from God to move on.

During the open mic time, the Holy Spirit prompted me to get up and share my experiences this weekend with everyone. I spoke about everything I wrote in these couple entries, from my attitude before coming up the mountain to the transformations that took place in my life up to that very moment. I ended by commenting on the activity we did before sharing, which involved letting everyone anonymously show others how they are appreciated personally by tapping on their shoulder when the appropriate trait is called out. At first, I thought it was just another cute game to make people get emotional and that it wouldn’t have any effect on me. But I was completely wrong. I had always been under the impression that I’m not noticed by anyone at church except the leaders and my few closer friends and that most people know me as nothing more than a good pianist. When the leader of the activity called out “tap the people who you think are talented”, I wasn’t surprised that I received several taps, since I know without doubt that God has used me to bless others through music. But there were those other traits that I thought right away would not apply to me, and expected to get no taps for. And when I felt taps on my shoulders for those traits, I realized that those were the very areas I needed affirmation in. “People who you look up to”. “People who are dedicated to what they do”. “People who make you feel like you can accomplish anything”. “People with a good sense of humor”. “People who bring a smile to your face”. It was beyond my imagination that there are people around me who see me in so many positive ways, and it left me encouraged with a kind of genuineness I could not question. I thank God for letting me be part of such an amazing group of brothers and sisters, and I’m so glad to be part of this great transformation that took place in our church tonight.

I had thought that God’s work in my life was done when I finished sharing, but little did I know the best was yet to come. After the open mic time, we were told to pray and minister to one another as the Holy Spirit prompted us to. A younger brother in Christ approached me and told me he admires my courage to share about my struggles last night, then before my eyes he confessed to having the exact same struggles and spoke about it for the very first time. We embraced each other and asked God to help us fight our battles, and I was reminded once again that I’m not fighting alone. It was one of the most incredible and joyful moments of my life; God has not only forgiven me of my deepest sins, but has turned them around to be used for His kingdom.

I had already learned a lot about confessing my sins and forgiving others at this retreat, but God had one more lesson to teach me – even though I’m already willing to forgive everyone that has ever wronged me, there are people in my life that have been hurt by me, and I need to approach them and ask for their forgiveness. As much as I hate to say this, the people that I have hurt the most are my very own family members whose love I often take for granted. They are the people who I explode on at home when I try to hide my anger in public. They are the people who I take advantage of so others can think I have it all together. They are the people who I hurt time after time, but am always too prideful to apologize to. What could possibly make me think that I need to prove myself to be the best even in front of such a loving mother and sister? What could possibly convince me that as long as we appear like a healthy family at church, there is nothing else we need to worry about? Tonight, the power of the cross stands victorious over evil. Throughout the retreat, Carol and I dealt with personal issues in our lives. It was a journey filled with risks and times of having to decide whether or not to take action. Not long after I went up to share my experiences, Carol went up and did the same, and her sincere tears melted my heart. Having already been convicted of so many things, I decided to respond to the next thing God put on my heart – to go and embrace her, something I rarely if ever take initiative to do. For the first time ever, we wrapped our arms around each other and said “I’m sorry” and “I love you” to each other. When it came time to pray, I joined Carol and Ben (our cousin who has also been transformed and felt convicted to apologize to family members) in a deep and honest prayer of love and forgiveness for one another and for our family. Despite being a large family that so many people at church look up to, at home we often find ourselves complaining about each other, focusing only on our own selfish desires, and responding to love with bitter rejection. Through God’s grace, the three of us found ourselves embracing each other with nothing on our minds except the burden to love our family as God calls us to. We all felt convicted to go apologize to our parents, and I admitted that even though I’m the oldest and should set a good example, I’m not strong enough to do it without their help. We decided to do it as a group to hold each other accountable, and agreed to go find our parents right when we get back to church tomorrow.

Even though Carol, Ben, and I are the only ones that know about this so far, what happened to tonight was one of the biggest breakthroughs in our family history. As we embraced each other under God’s grace, I kept mumbling that the moment was simply unreal, and that I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. After all these years, I finally realize the importance of a genuine, healthy relationship with my family, and I know that after tomorrow our family will never be the same again. Thank You God for all that You have done in my life, my church, my friends, and my family. I can’t think of a single area of my life that hasn’t been transformed through this retreat, and I’m sure many others here can say the same. I pray that we can continue to strengthen each other through the love of God, letting His fire continue to burn in our lives as we return home tomorrow.

12/28: I just realized that as much as I love to journal, I rarely if ever find myself writing during Winter Retreat. I guess in these past few years, I’ve somehow convinced myself that my retreats with Intervarsity were the more “educational” ones while retreats with my home church were more just for fun. Sure, I came up the mountain this year knowing God was going to teach me something. But I confess to coming with the attitude that since most of the people who planned the retreat are several years younger than me, it’s not really geared towards people my age. I had no idea the retreat would hit me this deeply. It’s only the second night, and I can already say that my life has been completely changed. And no, it has nothing to do with my future job or any of the things I came here expecting to hear from God about. Maybe God is saving that stuff for another day. As I’ve learned from past experiences, sometimes God can’t give me an immediate answer to my prayers because there are deeper issues that must be dealt with first. And so far, He has already taken me through an amazing journey of love and forgiveness that brought me out here to write these words.

First, let’s rewind to last night. Kicking off the retreat with a praise night definitely turned me on, since I’m always drawn toward music. I faced the usual struggles of sometimes being too focused on singing to think about the words, but I was surprised when I felt convicted right before the first sermon to lay aside my usual halfhearted attitude toward lectures, often accompanied by doodling in place of taking notes, and actually pay full attention to Pastor Jay’s words. The message was quite straightforward, consisting mostly of stuff I thought I already understood. But this time something felt different. Pastor Jay spoke on God’s majesty, and pointed out that sometimes even good things can end up distracting us from God. God had already told me earlier this year that my attitude toward people is too self-centered and that even though I always thank Him for my family, friends, and possessions that He gave me, I always end up using them to serve myself. But this time He went even deeper, revealing to me that even some of what I consider the most sacred moments in my life, namely the times I spend alone admiring nature or getting humbled by the countless stars in the sky, are a means of letting creation take the place of the creator in my life. I can pray for the salvation of my friends every day for years, but ultimately it gets nowhere because I’m not willing to risk our friendship to tell them about God. I can see God in the sky and in the mountains, but that is only an incomplete picture of His glory.

Pastor Jay spoke about Isaiah 6, which describes Isaiah’s initial response when he saw God. “Woe to me!”, he cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I love among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty”. I must admit that I can’t imagine how six-winged seraphs are supposed to be beautiful, but I guess that’s something I won’t know until I see it myself in heaven. For now, all I know is that God’s majesty is powerful enough to light up my soul and reveal my deepest secrets. I have always told God that if I can only get a divine glimpse of the beauty of heaven or the darkness of hell, I’m sure I’ll feel burdened to tell all my friends about the gospel as soon as possible. Unfortunately that never happened, but God definitely revealed Himself to me in a way I’ve never seen before.

I realized that I can’t even remember the last time I actually pictured God in all His glory rather than through some form of creation, and immediately I understood why I often felt so distant from God. He’s always near me, but I never really tried to draw near to Him the way Isaiah saw Him. Upon that realization, I asked God to illuminate my life the way He did in Isaiah’s.

As we returned to worship through music after the sermon, I remained on my knees for a very long time, stretching out my hands and admitting my weaknesses as He slowly began to touch my heart. At one point the music’s rhythm prompted me to stand up on my feet to continue worshipping, but as I stood I realized my legs had no power and that I could not control them. Sure, it’s normal to feel numb after kneeling for so long. But this was like nothing I ever experienced before. I tried to force myself up, and what happened next was a bit unclear. But I remember looking at my feet, which were locked together and trembling, then my vision began to fade into a blur. All this lasted for a mere couple seconds, then my legs gave in and I fell helplessly back onto the ground. A brother behind me who saw me fall came and whispered in my ear to see if I was okay. Too afraid to look back, I nodded my head and remained in worship. I was slightly embarrassed at doing such a stupid thing, but I was mostly puzzled at exactly what just happened. The unusual numbness in my legs forced me to focus on God, who said to me “remember this moment”. I realized that He does in fact have the power to leave me completely powerless. I continued singing praises, but was afraid to move for a long time. I eventually stood up just fine when it was time to leave. But I knew already that God was doing something in me, and that I wasn’t going to leave this retreat without being changed.

Today’s morning session was a message on forgiving those who hurt us and being accepted as God’s children. People who know me well know that one of my biggest struggles is anger. For years I have tried to find the root of the problem, but could never pinpoint it. When we were told to forgive specific people who hurt us, I felt like the message didn’t directly apply to me, since I didn’t know who it was that God wanted me to forgive. Even though my father passed away when I was young, it’s not something I’m angry about or have trouble forgiving anyone for. As a boy, I was the typical scrawny Asian kid that always got picked on at school, and getting good grades definitely didn’t help keep the bullies away from me. But that’s not the problem either; I’m not ashamed of my past, and if I run into any of the people who hurt me in elementary school and middle school, I’m sure I can easily bring up our past and joke about it, knowing we were all young and immature and wanted attention and pride. During the afternoon follow-up session on healing and restoration, God brought up that very subject of attention and pride, and revealed to me that after years of feeling weak compared to people around me, I developed a need to prove myself to be better than those around me, hence my current struggles with pride and self-centeredness that results in anger and unforgiveness. So far, God has only given me a general direction, and I still have many more pieces of the puzzle to put together. But I thank Him for what He has done, and pray for continued courage and motivation to seek and pull out the deepest root of my struggles.

These struggles weren’t everything though, and the rest of them were brought to light during the night session, which focused on the cross. I know I always share about my problems with handling anger and pride as if they were the only major things I struggle with, but in reality there is another level of sin so deep that I never speak about it to anyone. There’s been so many times when I felt convicted to share, but I wasn’t given a suitable environment to do so. I’m glad to say that tonight everything changed. The first point that Jay made about the cross went directly against one of my first thoughts – the cross is not basic. As much as people today are desensitized to it, we need to recognize that it was a form of capital punishment and the source of our salvation. As the message neared its end, Jay mentioned that he would be showing a video clip later in the night. “Let me guess”, I thought to myself, “we’re watching The Passion of the Christ – again”. I have seen that clip countless times, and considered it far too overused in churches to make people get emotional. But as I watched God spoke to me. First He made me ask myself “if I get mad when other drivers cut me off, why am I not mad that Jesus is being severely beat even though He is completely innocent?” As the video played, I kept asking myself the same question, and slowly tears formed in my eyes. I’m not the kind of guy that thinks crying is only for girls, but I must admit I almost never cry. Sure, watching emotional movies like this always makes me a little teary, but after a couple seconds everything goes back to normal. Not this time. I felt my tears coming in random spurts, often falling down my face uncontrollably. After the video, Jay pointed out that by holding on to sin we are siding with the very people that nailed Jesus to the cross. It broke my heart that my life was so messed up, and after having seen God’s light in my life last night, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. When we were asked to surrender our sins to the blood of Jesus, I took all the sins in my life that I was ashamed of and threw them out as I fell on my knees and cried uncontrollably for the first time in as long as I can remember. It felt weird to cry, but somehow those tears felt unusually comforting. I stopped crying after a few minutes, and began to question whether those tears were actually from God or just a physical display of emotions. But when I tried to force more tears out of my eyes, nothing came out. At that point I knew that I had been forgiven and cleansed by God.

After session, our small group had a time of sharing and praying. Everyone shared about what who they forgave in the morning and what they confessed at night, and received prayer one at a time. When my turn came, I spoke briefly about everything God convicted me of today, and confessed the very sins I gave up at the cross. I’m not going to write about it in detail here, since it will probably do more harm than good; even though this journal is designed to not keep secrets, there’s a difference between what is secret and what is personal. If anyone wants to know what I confessed in more detail, feel free to ask and I’ll tell you as I feel is appropriate. For now, all I’ll say is that what I did tonight took me more courage then I’ve ever had before regarding having to face shame and humiliation. I thank God for a room full of brothers who accept me for who I am, even with my sins, and prayed for me accordingly. It was my first time confessing in so much detail, and it is also the first time in my life I feel so liberated.

It’s very late at night now, but I wanted to stay awake until I get a chance to write down all that God has done so far. When faced with such a life-changing moment, it’s hard to just let it go and risk waking up tomorrow like nothing ever happened. I know that in order to keep this freedom I have now, I must face many long and difficult battles once I return home in a few days. But for now, I rejoice in being free of any unspoken sins for the first time. I know that God’s work in my life at this retreat is not done yet, and I pray that He will continue to give me an open heart to receive whatever He still has to say to me. May His will continue to be done. Amen.

12/26: i guess this is my last entry before i leave for Winter Retreat , since i probably won't have time to go online tomorrow morning. for those who didn't know, i'm still going by my usual retreat drill, meaning no cell phones, no internet access, and no distractions from my normal everyday life. i'll be gone from tomorrow (Thursday) til Sunday afternoon/evening, so feel free to leave me voicemail or email and i'll answer you when i get back.

After so many years of coming back from retreats and taking time to reflect on what i learned, i suddenly feel inspired to take time before the retreat and think about what i want to learn from God in these next few days. as usual, i'm still going up the mountain with an open heart to receive whatever God has to say to me, even if its different from what i expect. but this retreat marks an important transition point in my life; when i come back, it's time to start seriously considering what i'm going to do with my life career-wise now that i'm done with college, and i believe that in these next few days God will provide me with encouragement and direction to help me as i move on to a new chapter of my life. i remember when i went to Winter Retreat my freshman year during a time when i was confused and unsure of why my life was going the way it went. through those few short days God pointed me to a devotional book which i fell in love with and bought when i went home. it was through that book that i ultimately found the strength to give up being in the UCLA engineering school and follow God's calling for me as a music major. this year is another important turning point in my life, and i believe God has something very important to tell me. i pray that my heart will be open and receptive to His message and that i won't take a single moment i spend at retreat for granted. i pray that i will return home with strength to deal with my confusion and fear regarding my future, and a greater sense of direction to push me forward. with that in mind, i look forward to an awesome four days of spending time with friends, meeting God through nature, and learning about His love and purpose for my life.

12/25: so at last, the day has come - Merry Christmas! =). in my head i kept hearing Christine(Shen) going "I can't wait til Christmas!" over and over again, and it eventually prompted me to call her just to say that she can't say that anymore cuz its already Christmas. we just got off the phone not too long ago, and now there's just enough time for me to write this thing before Christmas ends. so anyways, a couple interesting things about my Christmas - first, as of this morning the entire house was officially out of toilet paper for the first time. and it happened to run out on a day when all the stores are closed. luckily, we live in an Asian-dominated city, where most storeowners care more about making money than celebrating holidays. so a trip to the local Korean supermarket took care of our problem =). second, we played a lot of video games. im usually not much of a gamer, but there's certain games that i just cant keep myself away from, such as Super Mario World for SNES. yea i know, i'm old, and i still have my old SNES at home. Carol and I both felt a sudden urge to play Mario, so after the usual sit-at-the-Christmas-tree-and-open-presents routine, we dug out the game and had the time of our lives playing for like 3 hours (maybe 4? 5? iono haha).

spent the evening/night at Stpeh & Ben's house. we gave our dogs a little reunion too =). had an awesome family dinner, complete with alcohol thanks to Howard (our official source of alcohol, cuz Steph and i are both not very experienced =) ). Ben busted out the Nintendo Wii afterwards for some Tennis (yea, i know, MORE video games.. hehe). also had an awesome game of Scrabble which turned out quite frustrating. so i already played once with Mom and Carol in the morning, and i ended up with the Q, Y, and X, and NO VOWELS. so at the end my score got deducted like crazy. this time its just the opposite - i somehow ended up with only A,E,I,O,and U, and when i finally got a consonant it was a Y. oh and we were playing with 9 letters at a time too. and everytime i got to draw more letters, it was always more vowels. friggin crazy. hehe anyways, went home afterwards and called Christine, and now i'm here sending out my last Merrychristmas IMs while typing this entry. days like this are always good conversation starters, especially for people i havent talked to in a long time. hopefully i'll be seeing some of them later on during this break. but first, i'm gonna disappear for a few days cuz i'll be at Winter Retreat from Thursday til Sunday afternoon. i'll write more about that later, so for now Merry Christmas and good night! =)

12/24: quick update on these past few days. Saturday - Juliann came over for dinner and to work on winter retreat stuff w/ Carol. i chose not to participate so i can be surprised at retreat =). Jeff(Yen) & family came over at night too for our annual meeting/gift exchange thingy - its sad that everyones so busy these days and we only really get to meet up when theres special occasions. Jeff & i basically spent the whole time watching Top Gear on his laptop. that's how car-freaks like to bond =). Sunday - went to church n played w/ Carol's worship team. i think this is my first time playing with her leading. so who have i NOT played for yet? hehe... lunched afterwards at Souplantation. yes, we actually chose a healthy place this time. and i got to use my AAA card discount for the first time too =). needless to say, we all ended up sitting at little tables scattered across the restaurant. i ate with Ken Steph(Lin) and Jeanelle =). took Steph home afterwards, then went home too. most of my time at home these past couple days was spent updating the ECPG - by now every one of my car pics is organized and in the directory, and i'll be uploading it all online pretty soon. for people on Car-Parazzi that means you'll be seeing pics from my most recent trips shortly (if not already). and don't be surprised if that video i promised i would make from the Ford GT National Rally in August actually appears online this week =). anyways... today - woke up early to spend time with Ally and Esther =). picked up Ally first and went to Esther's house where they made an awesome brunch consisting of egg and pasta. i would have eaten a lot more except i didn't know food was part of our plan so i ate breakfast right before i went. we went to the mall afterwards - yes, it was insanely crowded cuz everyone was doing last-minute shopping (including Ally and Esther hehe), but that doesnt bother me =). Steve & Barry's is an awesome store... so much nice stuff and so cheap too. not that i really shop for myself anyways. went home afterwards for an awesome family hotpot dinner to celebrate Christmas Eve. watched Santa Clause 2 on TV and opened a few presents =). and now i'm here writing this thing before going to sleep.

so yea, it's past midnight so technically it's already Christmas. i'll probably say this again tomorrow, but Merry Christmas! =). oh and a little random note - for those who didn't know, i haven't had text messaging for a few months already, so please don't send me a bunch of texts with Merry Christmas messages - not that i dont appreciate them, but we'll both be wasting our money and i'll never actually get the message. i'm just saying this cuz i already got a few texts from people tonight and it sucks that i don't even know who its from. so yea, call me or IM me instead =). with all that said, hope everyone has a great Christmas! goodnight!!

12/23: Now that I officially graduated from UCLA, everybody around me seems to be asking me what I plan to do with my life next. If you asked me this a few months ago, I probably said something along the lines of "still waiting and praying to see what happens" or "still talking to Jesus about it". As my time in college approached its end, I began considering these things a bit more seriously. not that I didn't care about my future before this quarter, but I’m the kind of person that doesn't really stress about stuff when it's clearly too big for me to control. As usual, when things get a bit more serious, I start talking to people around me about it, and sometimes their suggestions help guide me in the right direction.

Some of you may recall the journey that God led me through when I asked Him to show me His plan for my life during my first year at UCLA. He guided me step by step, showing me what to do, and He helped me conquered my fears by promising me that even though things may not always go the way I want, everything will be fine if I trust Him. It’s nice to live life with such a great promise, but I must admit sometimes it also spoils me. Over the past half a year God has been pointing out many ways in which I use Him as an excuse for my own weaknesses. It turns out that the most recent item on the list is my attitude toward this very future I'm at the brink of facing.

God told me to become a music major, and I did. When I was scared, he comforted me and reminded me that I was following His plan. He told me to live on the IV Community Floor in Hedrick my junior year, and made it clear that I was doing the right thing. Last summer He prompted me to search for a temporary job unlike anything I could picture myself doing, and when I trusted Him everything worked out perfectly. By now, I trust God enough that I’m willing to do just about anything as long as I know it is His will. But what about those times when I’m not all that sure what to do? I’ve learned as a kid that faith is believing in what one cannot see. But during times when I’m not sure what God wants me to do, I find myself extremely hesitant, lazy, and scared to step forward. So if all I can do is follow what I know is the right path, how can I consider myself a man of faith? All I am doing is using God's will as an excuse to hide my own fears of stepping forward. Through the many conversations I’ve had with people around me about what to do with my life now that I’ve graduated, I’ve come to realize that the lesson I need to learn now is not just one of obedience, but one of faith which involves me stepping into unknown territory and trusting that God will still keep His promise.

So what does this mean practically? First, for those who don’t know yet, I plan to focus on getting a job first rather than going to graduate school. In the music world it’s more important to gain some experience in the field than to simply have good education, and my professors have made it clear to me that a graduate school degree will only really make a difference if I’m applying to work at a university. Perhaps that’s part of God’s plan for my life, but I’m pretty sure now is not the time. So I will focus my attention on searching for career or internship opportunities in music.

Even though the field seems narrow, there are in fact many different paths I can take. And what often frustrates me most is that I really don’t know which is the right path for me. I can stick to teaching, or I can go work in a studio. Perhaps I can write music for films and TV shows, or maybe I can look into music ministry. After talking to God about it, I think the bottom line is that I won’t know if I like something until I try it. God constantly reminds me of how He allowed me to enter UCLA as an engineer first in order to help me discover a true passion for music. Even though it seems like I took the “wrong” path then, He didn’t stop me, knowing it would benefit me in the long run. Perhaps He’s taking the same approach now regarding my role in today’s music world.

I guess what I need to do now is organize my thoughts a bit more so I can feel a greater sense of purpose. Then I need to be more aggressive and go search for opportunities. Actually, I had already found an excellent opportunity a few weeks before school ended, except it appears that God hasn’t opened those doors for me. I’m not sure why I wasn’t granted what I thought was from Him, but I pray that in times like this I can still be strong and believe that there is always a place that He has prepared for me. Through His story for me last summer, I learned that I shouldn’t let myself fall into depression from little things that don’t work out my way if I really believe that there is a bigger picture to focus on. His stories never cease to amaze me, and as I move on to a new chapter of my life, I give Him the pen again and look forward to another great adventure. May His will continue to be done.

12/22: i'm glad to say that after countless hours of work, the display shelf is finally finished. as i promised a few people, i took pics of it as i worked, so here they are -

12/20: It hasn't quite hit me yet that what feels like an ordinary Winter Break is not gonna end the way it used to. for now, it doesn't feel that different from previous years, except during those times when i talk to my friends from UCLA and realize how far away they are. i'm definitely glad to have time to spend in my room at home again, and so far i'm still busy crossing off a million items from my to-do list one at a time before i can completely relax. much of the list revolves working on my room, which has pretty much been left abandoned since i got a job in the summer. there's huge chunks of cardboard all over the room now, but they should be out of here as soon as i finish the car display shelf. at the rate i'm working at now, it should be done within the next few days =). while waiting for the glue to dry after each step of the construction process, i typically do something that involves sitting in front of the computer. its definitely nice to have my own computer again =). i already caught up with uploading pictures, but i still need to put together a few videos as well as write a bunch of entries on college. and of course, there's hundreds of car pictures waiting to be organized.

Thankfully, i've also had my share of going out with family & friends. Saturday was Jimmy and Amy's big day. luckily there wasn't nearly as much wind, so i actually got to follow the music. everything went smoothly for the most part. had an awesome reception afterwards. i spent most of the time talking with Ivy - its funny how theres always a few English congregation people at events like this, and we usually feel somewhat awkward for not quite fitting in with the parents but also not quite fitting in with the Chinese youth. but at the end, the food unites us all =). Sunday - went to church and lunched with Steph(Yu). on the way home we ended up at the same intersection when the light was red and had a full conversation in full traffic hehe. went out at night for a big family dinner to celebrate Grandma's birthday (which was actually Monday). we chose Sunday cuz some people couldnt make it on Monday, but Grandma ended up treating the rest of us (everyone minus Carol and Steph) to dinner again on Monday anyways. had an awesome time talking on the phone with Judy in the afternoon - we rarely get to talk cuz we're so busy with school stuff, but when we do talk theres always plenty to talk about. i introduced her to the handy little gesture known as the awkward turtle =). Tuesday - went shopping with Carol and got most of our Christmas shopping done. its amazing how even though i love going to the mall, i get soo stressed when it comes to actually choosing gifts, cuz usually i just watch other people shop. we were both sooo tired afterwards, but at least most of our shopping lists were crossed off =). had a late-night phone convo with Christine(Shen) til like 2AM, one of those lie-in-bed-and-talk-til-i'm-falling-asleep convos. even though i'm not much of a late-night person, somehow i really really love lying in bed and talking on the phone, and usually i'm actually awake enough to think straight still =). Wednesday - dinnered with Ken at Garden Cafe. i still find it funny how i'm the one driving now, since traditionally he's always the one that drives. but hey, i'm definitely not complaining... now that i have a car comfortable enough by general standards, why not put it to good use? =).

Today - got to hang out with Esther(Kim). i still think its amazing that we randomly met after six years and now we're friends again. had lunch at Curry House - it seems like all the waiters/waitresses were acting a little confused the whole time we were there. at the end the waitress put our check on the wrong table hehe. too bad they didn't actually pay for our food =). went back to Esther's house and did some pianoing. and we had tea time too - i got to try some awesome Korean barley tea. theres nothing like a cup of hot tea on a cold rainy day. i went to do a little more Christmas shopping (seriously almost done!) afterwards then came home for dinner. Juliann came over and joined us too =). actually she was gonna go home but i made her stay hehe.

so anyways, thats about it for now. if there's anything particular you want for Christmas, give me a hint to make my life easier. and if you're stressing over what to get for me, there's a Ferrari F50 on eBay right now for only $935,000. with that said, hope everyone is having an awesome winter break! =)

12/16: week10 & finals week update. I find it hard to believe that this is the last time I’ll be doing one of these weekly college-life updates. But I’m glad these past few weeks have been amazing. People knew I was leaving and made an effort to hang out before the quarter ended, and I left UCLA with countless memories making this quarter one of the best of my college career. A little warning in case anyone is reading this – this entry will be VERY VERY LONG. Its basically a day-by-day summary of these past couple weeks, written mostly for my own reference. If you’re really bored and have nothing better to do, I suggest visiting the newly updated pictures page, with almost 90 new pics from Thanksgiving dinner, Cue, and UCLA. Now that it’s finally winter break, I should have time to fix up the site a little bit by updating dated features and buttons to make browsing easier. And for those who notice small details, the leftbar buttons now move when you put the mouse over them =). Anyways, time for me to get started with this insanely long entry, beginning with week 10.

Sunday - went to church, lunched with Ken afterwards, then stayed for Jimmy & Amy's wedding rehearsal! this was the first of two rehearsals - more about that later =). went home and finished packing, then gave my car a nice bath. went to the Claymusic party for dinner. took Ben and Julia back with me to UCLA. made it back just in time for a late dinner @ Covel with Christine Trinh Antony Derek and Jerry - its always great to know there's people who want to eat with me right when i get back to school =). chilled w/ Jerry and Trinh for the remainder of the night. went to Crossroads with Christine(Shen). yep, my first time there this quarter! i have to hit up every food place at least once right? =). Christine and I are working on a really cool story... there still a lot of little details to work out, but the more we think about it the more awesome it gets hehe.

Monday - breakfast with Rock. spent the morning talking outside Rieber, followed by some organ practice. Matt came in to check out the organ too. Professor Bull allowed us to choose our own music to play at the final 'recital', and i chose Phantom of the Opera =). i figured since i play it so much for fun, might as well give myself a reason to practice hard and actually learn the whole thing. went to Powell to meet up with Serena - saw Trinh there and talked for a while. lunched with Serena at Panda Express, then walked with her to South Campus. yes, i definitely got my share of South Campus this quarter. in fact, after she left i actually took some time to wander around and explore =). walked up the hill with Julia and ran into Will, who was carrying a 12-pack of energy drinks that he got for free. he directed me to the corner of Gayley and the rape trail where a guy was giving out free drinks, and i got a 12-pack for myself too. special thanks to those handy little lockers by the dining halls, storing my drinks is never a problem =). returned to my usual spot at Rendezvous - talked with Rock and Tiffany(Sitlin) who came to join me. migrated to the Rieber steps afterwards and talked with Tiffany(Chen) and Jeff(Jefe). checked my email at Bruin Cafe, then met up with Julia for dinner at Deneve at 5PM. stayed afterwards for another dinner with peggy Wendy Monica and Alina. showered at Dykstra, then worked on my project at the Mancini Studio. with the entire studio in my control for the whole night, i figured i might as well spend a little time chatting online while working. Trinh needed help on her ridiculously long TWO-PAGE essay (hehe) so i went to help after i finished working at around 11ish. the essay ended up taking until 2AM, but i was invited to spend the night there, so at least i didnt' have to travel back to Lot 8. i made myself a little "nest" consisting of a pillow, a towel, and blankets provided by Trinh, Diana, and Christine. the location (half under Trinh's desk and half out in the middle of nowhere) was kind of awkward, but it didnt take me long to get used to it. and the best part was that i didn't even need to bring my own sleeping bag.

Tuesday - went to class, then walked with Tammy afterwards to the CTO (to get choir concert ticket) and the Career Center. had lunch at Rieber - my last time eating alone for the quarter. chilled with Isaac on the couches at Bruin Cafe, then moved up the hill to the top of the Puzzles steps. ran into Diana, who invited me to join her for some food at Rendezvous (mostly because she knew she couldn't finish the food herself hehe). went up to Hedrick with her afterwards. borrowed Trinh's computer to work on a resume - yes, i'm thinking about applying to work/internships now. i'll save that for another entry. joined the GOC Dorm Dinner, then worked on the resume more in Christine(Dang)'s room. went on a Puzzles/BC run with Christine(Shen) and read the most recent version of the awesome story =). went back to Hedrick to stay over at Trinh's again.

Wednesday - breakfast with Julia Elise and Sophia. sat with Christina and Christina (two of them!!) on Bruinwalk for a while on the way to practice. lunched with Christine and Isaac @ Deneve. spent the afternoon on Golden Triangle 28 - ran into Kevin there and he kindly gave me a ride around the Triangle, including a tour of a top-secret garage where i found a DB6 and Esperante. other highlights include a Phantom DHC (another one!), an LP640, and a Virage(!!). returned to Hedrick for a shower before swiping into Hedrick Dining Hall. ate with Jane first, then we joined Peggy Wendy and Erin. sat with Bernice Robin and Jayson for a bit afterwards. went up to Jane's room where i finished the resume and sent it, then made it down to SMB just in time for the Symphony Orchestra concert. walked to the apartments afterwards with Jenny Alex Herald and James - had a nice study/hangout/Christmas party at Jenny and Sally's apartment. went back to Hedrick to help Diana with her essay, and spent the night there again. apparently they don't mind me there at all, so why not accept the offer? =).

Thursday - walked down to Rieber with some girl named Monica who randomly talked to me and introduced herself. sadly the schoolyear has reached that point where people aren't as open to meeting others anymore - but i'm glad there are exceptions =). had breakfast with Bernice and AJ, and stayed to eat more with the Rieber IV gang. walked down to practice organ - Penelope caught me playing Mario and came in to listen =). come on, who said the practice rooms have to be used for classical music? hehe... went to Geography class, organ class, and Electronic Music. as hard as it is to believe, it was my last official day of classes! dinnered at Rieber with Riebykstry (Rieber + Dykstra + Artistry =) ) - i'm the only one that isn't in any of those groups, but i got join them anyways =). went to Catalyst afterwards, then spent the night chilling at Jerry's. any idea where i spent the night? hehe... yes, the floor is a bit hard, but thats supposed to be good for my back, and i was already used to it. in fact, i actually felt a bit spoiled for having to wrap myself in a sleeping bag when i stayed at my friends' places. if i choose to be homeless, might as well go all out =).

Friday - so remember that wedding rehearsal on Sunday? the second (and final) rehearsal was supposed to be today - at least that's what i thought. and since i was staying at UCLA over the weekend, i figured i might as well invite some friends to go to Rowland Heights so i can drop them off at the mall while I rehearse, then hang out and eat with them afterwards. as planned, i spent the morning in the Mancini Studio... thats when i went through several phone calls confirming that the rehearsal was actually SUNDAY and not FRIDAY. i can swear someone told me it was Friday. but as usual, since i promised i would take people to RH i decided to stick to my word. i was a bit frustrated about having to make two trips to RH in the same weekend, but each time i thought about the fact that my time at UCLA was running out, it made every trip worthwhile. Peggy came to visit me at the Mancini Studio, and i walked with her to Bunche. had lunch with Christine Isaac and Jerry at Deneve, then went with Christine to Hedrick to meet with Diana and Trinh. the four of us went to Rowland Heights together - since i didn't have to rehearse, we got to spend even more time together. met with Chris and Bryant (Christine's friends) at Puente Hills Mall and walked around and did some shopping, then went to Cue for some pictures =). Chris and Bryant left afterwards, and the rest of us (the UCLA people hehe) had dinner at Coconut Bay. then we went to 99 Ranch for some grocery shopping for our shaved ice party! yep yep, we've been trying to make it happen all quarter, so its about time we took action. bought a bunch of fruits and other accessories. stopped by my house to pick up (and drop off) some stuff and play with my dog =). then drove back to UCLA and chilled at Jerry's place. i fell dead asleep on his bed - its been such an eventful day that it was hard to believe it was only 9PM. went to get food with Jerry and Antony later in the night, and had our usual hangout/study party.

Saturday - brunched with Rock, then again with Elizabeth. talked outside Hedrick for a while, then went out to Beverly Hills again (Golden Triangle 29). i had been a bit frustrated all week due to the anticipation of possible rain all weekend - i looked forward to this weekend for so long that if it actually rained i would rather stay an additional weekend after finals to make up for all the lost car-hunting opportunities. but thank God the weather was perfect - clear during the day, and rain at night. so i managed to get a few hours of hunting done, and caught a Novitec 599GTB, a red 300SL gullwing, and a pair of T-Rexes from Canada. and it was freezing cold - despite plenty of high-speed cruising on my scooter, i didn't sweat a single drop, and didn't need to shower before dinner. chilled in Antony's room, then dinnered with Elizabeth and Jane at Hedrick. chilled with Elizabeth in her room before walking down to Royce for the Holiday concert. the downside of it not raining during the day is that it rained like crazy when we were walking down. but neither of us had umbrellas, so we treated it as a free shower =). other than the fact that my jacket took the entire concert to dry, it was extremely fun. and luckily we didn't get sick. met with Lisa for the concert, then walked back with Mariko Elizabeth Lisa Jane Ai and Sun. joined Elizabeth and Jane in the ridiculously long line at Puzzles, then chilled in their room for a bit. talked with Irina and Katherine in the 5S lounge, then joined Chrisitne Trinh and Jerry in the 5N lounge. went to sleep (relatively) early partly due to a tiring day and also cuz i needed energy for another exciting day.

Finals Week, Sunday - woke up at 8 in the (friggin) morning and fed myself with an energy drink (i donated the 12-pack to the HEdrick 5N gang, and we've been using it to brighten up our study times =) ) and some fruits. then drove out to Calabasas to catch Supercar Sunday with Mike (the Eagal Eye)! it was a very small show, but still a lot of fun. Mike gave me a tour of Calabasas and its best hunting spots, and we also checked out Tarzana for a while. we ended our morning together by shooting a V8 Vantage and Viper SRT-10 at the Commons, where i dropped him off to meet with his family. then i returned to UCLA just in time to catch lunch with Christine Trinh Derek Antony Diana and Jerry @ Covel. then drove all the way back to Pacific Palms for that wedding rehearsal. at first it was quite disorganized and i was a bit unhappy, but at least we finished on time. and it was friggin cold - beautiful place, but insanely windy, so pretty much i just BSed all the music cuz the papers wouldnt stay still. made it back to Hedrick in time to chill in Antony's room for a bit, then dinnered with Christine(Shen) @ Hedrick. walked back with her to Rieber, then met with Christine(Dang) at the Covel labs to scan our Cue pictures =). (how else did you think i put them online? hehe). walked bcak to H5N and chilled at Antony's some more, then had our long-awaited shaved ice party! i wasn't sure where Trinh and Diana went at night, so i returned to my car to spend the night - to be honest, sleeping in my car is something i'll actually miss, and especially since it's something that has defined this quarter, i definitely didn't mind doing it some more.

Monday - so it turned out this morning was the last time i ever had to wake up in my car; Diana and Trinh invited me back to stay for the rest of the quarter =). had breakfast with Jane, then went with her to Hedrick and down to SMB. she studied in the organ room while i practiced. lunched at Hedrick with Elizabeth and Mariko, walked with Elizabeth to Delta and Covel and met her friend Stephanie. then met with Tammy outside Rendezvous to study for the geography final. yes, i actually had studying to do. i tend to be extremely chill most of them time, then focus my energy to a single day of studying before a final, then get it over with once and for all. Tammy and I went over the lecture notes then moved inside Rendezvous cuz it was so cold outside. ran into Jefe and we went up together to chill at Lisa and Kelly's room in Hedrick. actually neither of them were there, but we took over the room =). Robin came to join us too, and Lisa did eventually return. went to 5N afterwards and visited Trinh and Antony, then dinnered at Covel with Christine Antony Derek Isaac Andrew and Pai-Yu. went to the Mancini Studio for my last slot of lab time to get my project done. yes, i know, it's a crazy idea to schedule my lab the night before my 8AM final. but like i said earlier, i like to focus my energy and get the stress over with, and i figured i could handle both things at once. finished the lab work quite early, and went to study at Christine(Dang)'s a bit more before going to sleep.

Tuesday - woke up at 6:45 to get an ice blend before the final and found a little surprise - all across the horizon the sky was blue, but there was a single huge black cloud over UCLA, and it was raining. what da heck!?!? haha... anyways, ate some fruit and drank the iceblend, then went to take the final. sat with Tammy and Evelyn in class one last time and took the test, which turned out ok. i finished early enough to go practice a bit of organ (phantom of the opera =) ). ran into Elizabeth and walked with her to Rieber and joined her and Tracy for a lunch filled with music talk =). wandered around the hill aimlessly and ran into Trinh Christine and Antony. walked with Trinh to her counselor appointment at Campbell hall, which lasted FIVE MINUTES. (it took like half an hour to walk there and bacK! i didnt mind though cuz i like walking =) ). met with Christine and Antony at Bruin Cafe and walked to Hedrick together. took a nap at Trinh's, then went to visit Anny at her apartment. Anny and Tammy decided to take me out to an awesome dinner at Olive Garden to celebrate my graduation and the completion of all our finals =). it's been soo long since we ate there... brings back so many awesome memories! went to chill at Tammy's for a bit afterwards, then went up to Hedrick for the usual 5N studdie party, complete with a Bruin Cafe run =)

Wednesday - breakfast with Sophia Jane and Julia. went to Sophia's room afterwards cuz she had a little gift for me =). lunched w/ Bernice at Deneve, then went to practice organ. ran into Tiffany(Chen) and her friend Alan at the Bear and went shopping at Ackerman. came out to walk with Christine(Shen) to SAC cuz it was the last time i got to see her =/. walked back to Hedrick with Tiffany and Alan, visited Christine(Dang) and took a nap at her place. dinner with Jessica Jessica (two of them!) Calvin (another one!) Michelle and Keiko at Deneve. they're all insanely busy people like myself, and i had almost given up hope on having us meet up one last time for a big goodbye dinner. but i got a surprise call from Michelle earlier in the afternoon, and she managed to get everyone together to eat. Jessica and Michelle made a HUGE bowl of Rice Krispies Treats... it was soo good! walked up the hill with Jessica Calvin and Michelle afterwards then went to Bruin Cafe to get food for Trinh who was lazy to get it herself. its funny how they don't care who's Bruincard i'm swiping - at least i'm assuming i don't look like a Vietnamese freshman girl hehe. chilled in Jerry's room afterwards, then joined Calvin Keiko Michelle and the Jessicas again for an awesome ice cream party at Puzzles. Abraham Jason and Letty also came to join us. spent the rest of thenight back in 5North, complete with a nap and a second shaved ice party. spent the night at Diana and Trinh's again - it's so awesome how after feeling like a part of their floor for so long, now i'm actually a part of it cuz i actually live there =).

Thursday - got breakfast at BruinCafe with Trinh - we decided the previous night that i would let myself sleep in if she would wake up before 11 to get food with me =). i still woke up at 7AM(!) like i always did (dangit, stupid biological clock...) but it felt nice lying there for a few extra hours (on the floor hehe). chilled at Jerry's for a bit then had lunch with Christine Isaac Jerry Trinh and Derek at Hedrick. chilled with Trinh and Isaac afterwards, then went to organ class for the 'recital'. Professor Bull wanted me to go last cuz Phantom of the Opera was a good way to end. hehe... i kinda screwed up a little but it turned out alright. the second half of class turned out to be a Pizza Party - Prof. Bull got the pizzas and Anahit provided fruits, snacks, and drinks. thanks! =). went to Electronic Music class afterwards - yes i had class on finals week. thats what i get for not having as many exams. but with my final project arleady done, there was nothing to stress about. and i'm glad people actually liked what i made. its always kinda scary to present music for the first time, cuz its hard to predict whether or not people will like it. but i'm glad the year ended positively for me =). went back to chill in Jerry's room afterwards, then dinnered at Mr. Noodle with Jerry Derek Christine and Trinh. we decided to spend out last dinner together in Westwood to celebrate the end of finals - actually Jerry had two finals the next day, but he came with us anyways hehe. and Antony didn't come cuz he was too lazy to walk =/ (gosh, these spoiled freshmen! do i have to drive them everywhere!? hehe). the waiter didn't speak English well and we got sooo confused... it was funny though. walked back and chilled at Jerry's room again afterwards. we probably would have spent some more time hanging out but Trinh had to leave to go home =/. it was sooo sad cuz that was the last time we all got to see each other as a group. went to Christine's cuz Antony wanted to play Halo hehe. i claimed the bed and took another nap =). went to BruinCafe/Puzzles at midnight with Antony Derek and Christine. ran into Tiffany(Sitlin) there and she joined us too =). returned to Jerry's room afterwards, then spent the night at Christine's cuz Trinh already left and Diana was out til really late. having gotten used to my 'nest', it was easy to switch rooms simply by moving my stack of blankets two doors down =).

Friday - the last day at UCLA. had breakfast with Emily at Deneve. she's one of very few of my friends from freshman year that are actually still around UCLA (yaay superseniors! hehe). also ran into Antonio REbecca Erin Tritia and Evelyn in the dining hall - it was sooo sad cuz i knew it wa sthe last time i would see all of them so i had to run around and say bye to everyone. walked with Emily to the Ashe Center afterwards. ran into Michelle and Amanda on the way - turns out everyone knew each other! i met Michelle in the dorms last year and met Amanda through GOC, and turns out Michelle and Emily worked at the same place and she and Amanda had the same Chinese class. soo weird... but thats one thing i love most (and will miss most) about college. went to drop off stuff in my 'room' (hehe), then met with Elizabeth on Bruinwalk and walked with her up to Hedrick. lunched with Elizabeth and Mariko - my last meal in the dorms! =/. Jane came to join us for a bit too. went up to Elizabeth's room afterwards to help move stuff, then met with Mariko again (she went to BruinCafe to get smoothies with Elizabeth's extra swipes). moved stuff over to Mariko's apartment and chilled there. drank smoothies and ate ice cream. then walked with Elizabeth back to Hedrick only to realize that she had forgotten to get her Bruincard back from Mariko, who unintentionally brought it with her to work in Westwood. we didn't exactly need the card at the moment, except Bruin Cafe was closing at 5PM and she still had two swipes left to use, and i refuse to let any swipes go to waste =). so we walked down to Westwood and found Mariko and got the card back, then got two smoothies =). chilled with Elizabeth and Jane, and helped Jane proofread an essay. visited Derek and Christine at 5N afterwards. Isaac came up to Hedrick to say bye to me =). i found out he had five swipes left, so i dragged him to BruinCafe with me and we got five smoothies =). ran into Jonathan there who was using his swipes up too. chilled with them there for a bit while waiting for the drinks, then called Elizabeth Derek and Christine to come down cuz the dining halls were closed and i told them we would go out to eat in Westwood(again!hehe). we ended up with EIGHT drinks on the table, and took a group picture (see pictures -> college -> misc. 5th year). said bye to Jonathan and Isaac, then the rest of us walked down to Westwood to eat at.... *drumroll*... Burger King! haha... we might have chosen a more high-class place, except we were in a rush cuz people had to finish packing and move out. Jerry finished his final and came to meet us there too. we walked back to Hedrick afterwards, then Elizabeth and I walked back down to Lot8 and i took her to Schoenberg - i'm usually not nice enough to offer people rides around campus, but i was going to my car anyways and its the last time i got to see her =/. said bye and dropped her off at the music building, then came back to pick up Derek and Jerry at Hedrick. then picked up Julia at Dykstra and drove to LAX. dropped off Derek and Julia, then took Jerry back to Rowland Heights to his uncle's place. then i drove home myself.

so yea, that's the end of my life as a college student. every time i reach a major transition point like this, i try so hard to think about how to make the most out of it, but at the end it seems like time still flies by. these past couple weeks have been so busy, yet it all seems so surreal. there was so much going on and so many people to say bye to that the best thing to do was simply to enjoy each moment i had to spend with people. there's plenty of reflecting and writing i need to do about my years at UCLA, but i'll save that for another entry. for now, it's getting late and i'm gonna go sleep!

12/15: I remember driving to UCLA in my new car filled with fear on Monday of zero week. Over time the journey has become second nature. But despite knowing the roads by heart, something about tonight’s drive home was different. This time it was a one-way trip; I’m not going back to UCLA again, at least not as a student like I once was. After dropping off my last passenger before going home, I suddenly found myself alone in the car. A part of me felt empty, but at the same time I felt a very deep sense of contentment. This quarter has been simply phenomenal, and much of it has to do with a very special group of friends I met in Hedrick Hall.

It’s unlikely you’ll ever hear another Supersenior tell you that the extra quarter he stayed as a 5th year was one of the best of his college career, especially when he spent most of it living in a car. But my circumstances forced me to go out on a journey to find a place to call home. I wasn’t looking for places to spend the night, and I already knew enough people in the dorms to feel comfortable being on the Hill that I no longer lived on. All I wanted from a ‘home’ was a community that I could enjoy spending time with, and I knew it would be easy to locate my friends from previous years and build my social life from there. To my great surprise, however, I found this community on a floor where I didn’t know a single person at first. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of friends outside of Hedrick 5 North that I devote much of my time to and already miss greatly, and I’m not at all trying to make them seem inferior. But sometimes when you look back and reflect on a past period of time, it’s the people you spent the most time with that stand out most. And through this special group of friends that miraculously entered my life, Hedrick 5 North became a place I could visit any time and feel perfectly at home.

12/13: Just got back from dinner with Christine Trinh Derek and Jerry at Mr. Noodle. we decided to go out to eat since it's our last night together. The walk back to Hedrick turned out to be quite chaotic, and we never saw each other as a large group again. i'm quite disappointed at how difficult it is to gather five people one last time for just a few seconds. and that's what prompted me to wander out in the hallways of the ever-so-familiar Hedrick 5 North and sit here writing this entry. i guess it's good that i get to spend a chunk of my last night at UCLA reflecting. but i'll save most of my reflection until after I go home. these past few weeks have been amazing, and at this point every last moment counts. every meal is sort of a goodbye party, and everythinig i see around me is a part of this world that i've become extremely accustomed to and comfortable with over the years. having established a firm grip on this campus, familiarized myself with the systems and building a vivid social life, i simply don't want to leave it all behind. sure, much of what i gained at UCLA can be taken with me as i move on in life. but it simply won't be the same anymore. even though i'm feeling a bit disappointed right now, i'm still thankful that people realized i am leaving and are making an effort to show their concern. we'll definitely keep in touch, and i'll definitely be back to visit. for now, i'll go back and join the 5N gang for our last night together this quarter.

12/02: the end of another busy weekend. i'm in a rush to leave to the ClayMusic party, then i'm going straight back to school, so i don't have much time to write. but as crazy as it seems, this may be the last entry i write at home before i graduate. i'll save all the thank yous and the reflection stuff for another time - after all, winter break won't be nearly as busy as these past few weekends. but for now, i wanna wish everyone good luck on finals, and i pray that God will make these last few weeks of my college career the most memorable ever. with that said, i'm excited to go and live these next couple weeks to the fullest =).

12/01: week9 update. can you believe it's December now? i just realized that when I took Julia home from UCLA last night at like 12:03AM and she pointed it out. but yea, Merry Christmas! =). ok fine, maybe its a bit early for that. but i'm definitely starting to feel the Christmas mood - cold weather, holiday music in the dining halls, people seeming much happier and more relaxed overall. oh wait, then again there's finals coming up soon... but even so, i think the last few weeks of the year are always quite enjoyable. sure, people are stressed... but deep down inside the holiday spirit lives inside everyone, and if you look close enough you can sense that joy of the quarter coming to an end and winter break about to start. or in some cases, their college careers coming to an end. yes, i've been getting extremely emotional these days each time i think about how soon i'll be leaving. but i'm really learning to let go and trust in God to write the best ending for this story. for now, i'm glad that it's been another very awesome week.

Sunday - took Ben and Derek with me back to UCLA. met w/ Derek and Christine(Dang) at Bruin Cafe before 10PM to use a swipe. it was quite a glorious moment for me, having finally used up the last of my 14 swipes for the week =). see? i told you the UC Regents aren't getting any more free money from me. hehe... went up to H5N and chilled in Jerry's room, i mean, Derek's room. happy Derek? haha... had another midnight food run with Christine Derek Jerry and Antony.

Monday - breakfast at Rieber with Ying and Ryan. practiced and did homework. lunched at Hedrick with Michelle(Chan) Robin and Robyn. sat at my usual spot outside Rendezvous and was joined by Lisa Yiki and Derek. chilled at Derek's watching gmae shows and playing Lingo =). it's such a fun game, especially when we give each other insane words like "myrrh". haha... dinnered in Hedrick with Christine Jerry Andrew and Antony. they had Alfredo Pizza - one of my favorites. so as a result, i had five slices =). chilled @ Derek & Jerry's afterwards. went to Puzzles and Bruin Cafe for another late-night food run. continued the party at 5N. oh and i also moved my sleeping bag in with me, cuz Christine invited me over for the rest of the week =).

Tuesday - breakfast at Deneve with Antonio. practiced, had class(Geography), then chilled with Evelyn and Vivian at Luvalle. a humongous tree branch fell from the sky right next to us and almost killed people walking by. scary... walked with Evelyn to the Geology building, then met with Esther(Kim) outside CS24. we finally found time to hang out and catch up... i can't believe it's been SIX YEARS!! we weren't sure where to get lunch, so i chose Tsunami =). come on, after walking by there a million times to say hi to Christine when she works there, its about time i actually order something. so Esther and I got food, sat down n talked about the past six years. its funny how the more we talk the more we start remembering about physics class in high school. and of course, we remembered that we both love music, which eventually led to us walking to the music building and claiming one of the practice rooms to play worship songs =). then we went down to Starbucks in Westwood and sat there for about half an hour - it was already almost six. it's amazing how fast time flies when there so much to talk about. too bad we both had stuff to do at 6 so we couldnt hang out any longer, but i'm sure there will be another chance =). walked back to campus just in time to catch up with Christine after she finished working (at Tsunami hehe) and went to the GOC dorm dinner. i stayed in the dining hall afterwards to continue eating with Jessica Keiko and Calvin (i like his name =) ). went to the Mancini Studio at 8 to work on my project, then joined Irina and her friend outside Bruin Cafe for a while before meeting with the H5N gang like we always do. chilled at Christine's room where i spent the night - i find it amazing that even with people still talking in the room, i managed to fall dead asleep and not know anything that happened.

Wednesday - breakfast with Elise and Julia. practiced, then lunched with Jessica Keiko Christine and Isaac. walked with Christine and Isaac to chem class... i was tempted to go sit in lecture, but i had a make-up organ class instead - at Royce! ran into Jerry who was randomly cruising around on his bike and we went with me to Royce - and biked UP the stairs. haha... YouTube video coming soon =). anyways, i got to check out the Royce Hall organ up close and personal for the first time... it's friggin amazing. i want to perform on it someday =). met with Chihara for the last time for counterpoint class... i still find it hilarious that i got 4 units for less than half an hour of class total this whole quarter. haha... instead of sitting outside Rendezvous i decided to spice things up a bit and sit on top of the Puzzles steps. Jane Janelle and Michelle(Chan) came to join me. went with Erick to H5N and chilled in Christine's room. me and Christine both fell asleep while Antony was playing Xbox, and it took him the longest time to realize he was the only one awake in theroom. hehe... Christine let me conquer her room while she wnet to dinner - and Derek came to join too. i edited a bunch of personal statements, then left to go meet with Leiman to walk to Darren's apartment. while waiting for him i ran into Joseph and skated/scootered down a block where i was gonna call Leiman, then suddenly ran into Julia (from 2N). its sad how there's still people i haven't run into even once this quarter yet. hopefully that will change soon hehe. met with Leiman Charles and Darren - we shared about how we feel about graduating then talked and prayed for each other. walked back with Leiman, then chilled outside Bruin Cafe with Ran. joined Derek Christine and Trinh at BC, then went up to Hedrick to spend another night =).

Thursday - so remember how I wanted to go to Chem lecture with Christine and Isaac? rather than going to a class i've already taken, how about try something completely beyond what i've ever studied before? i dedicated an hour of my morning free time to sit at CS24 and attend a random lecture, which turned out to be MIMG 185A. for those who don't know, MIMG stands for "Microbiology, Immunology, and Molecular Genetics". how's that for a smart-sounding major? the professor lost me on the first sentence, and even though i took notes, i didn't understand a friggin thing. Ran was in that class, and told me afterwards that it was one of the easiest lectures. now i totally feel good about myself =/. hehe anyways, after 'class' i went to sit outside Haines and talked with Bridget for a while. went to my own geography class and turned in that crazy 8-page essay that had been sitting finished in my binder for four days =). the lecture was actually interesting... we talked about how Chinese people are taking over America, and when the professor showed a map of Chinese population distribution in Los Angeles, Monterey Park and Rowland Heights were the two biggest blobs on the screen. hahaha... all the Asians started laughing like crazy =). gosh, why couldnt i have written my essay on that instead? haha... since there was no organ class, i spent the free time sitting outside Royce, followed by an hour-long nap and some prayer and reflection time. Bourland was on Jury Duty, so our class ended like two hours early. i was sooo hungry i swiped into Deneve right when they opened. luckily Jessica Jessica and Keiko were there to join me =). the fried chicken was amazing. went to Catalyst afterwards then chilled in the 5N lounge. everyone was at the Beat 'SC rally (someone remind me why i didnt go!?), so i sat by myself and made a couple phone calls to catch up with friends from home =). chilled in Derek's room after he got back, then went on a Puzzles/BC run. they ran out of chicken nuggets!!! =/

Friday - the rain wasn't exactly a pleasant surprise in the morning, since i had to take my scooter and move my luggage from Hedrick down to Lot 8, a journey that involves not only getting soaked in the rain, but a potentially life-threatening hill that i somehow managed to cruise down slowly without the brakes locking like they often do. went to the Mancini studio and finally made good progress on my video project for Electronic Music class. lunched @ Hedrick with Michelle & gang. chilled at Rendezvous with Christine(Shen), then went to campus together since she had to go to the math building and i had to go to SMB to sign up for Mancini Studio time next week. luckily it wasn't raining anymore, but it was still really cold and wet outside - the kind of weather that totally reminded us of Christmas =). and since we were already on campus, we spent some time exploring. first we played around in the organ studio - a place very few non music majors have a chance to see or even know about. then we went to - the Physics & Astronomy building. explored the big glass walkway and wandered around the balcony on the roof. it's such an amazing place, especially with the view - a mix of sunset, clouds, and water covering all the walls and the ground as a result of the rain. see for yourself-

11/28: To be honest, a big part of me really doesn't want to spend another day fasting. I really enjoy the discipline and spiritual growth that results from it, but meals are when I get to spend times bonding with my friends, and in these last few weeks of my college career, I don't want to let a single meal go to waste. Then again, can fasting really be considered a waste? It seems like after so much praying and reflecting and trying, ultimately my college career is still all about me. And if God is really willing to change that, now is definitely the time. in a few short weeks I'll be gone, and I've been spending more and more time asking questions that only really make sense to people as they are approaching graduation. after all this time at UCLA, what have I accomplished that I can take with me to the next chapter of my life? what have I done to impact the campus that will remain even after I'm gone? how have I been blessed by people, and how have I blessed people back?

It truly amazes me that Charles, Darren, Leiman, and I are still keeping up with this whole fasting thing. I've been through way too many failed attempts at preserving "retreat highs" that my natural response after Catalina was to assume our plan would not work for long. From occasionally talking with them throughout the weeks, it seemed at first that our attitude toward fasting was perhaps a bit lawed, focused too much on the lack of food and comfort rather than the spiritual growth that results. This time we decided to not just fast, but meet for about an hour at Darren's apartment and share about what God has been doing in our lives, followed by a time of praying for each other. sadly, activities like these are not frequently incorporated into my schedule at UCLA. But it's not too late to start.

Right now, I'm at the point when every last moment matters. I remember at the end of my time in high school, I acknowledged that every moment I interacted with people there might be the last time I ever saw them. Even though God has brought many of these friendships back together over the years, most of my mentality then was correct. My one mistake, however, was that I focused so much on writing a good ending to the story of my time in high school that I failed to actually enjoy every moment of it. Now I must experience one of these times again, and I pray that I don't screw it up again. My biggest problem, which I've addressed countless times, is that I live my life for myself, not for God. The very idea that this fast could perhaps be a waste of time proves that my attitude is flawed.

My time at UCLA has definitely been one heck of a good story, thanks to a simple "let Your will be done" prayer that God answered over and over again throughout these past four years. In all honesty,this story is so amazing that there's no way for me to come up with a worthy ending. I can try to take things into my own hands, but I know that in the end I'll be making the same mistake I did in high school. The only thing I can do is continue living my life and letting God take control of it. He was the one who made this story happen in the first place, and He is the only one worthy of writing its finale.

So how can I allow Him to write this finale? the more I think about it, the more specific my questions start to get - am I content with my attitude toward education over the past four years? How has being at UCLA prepared me for moving on to the next step of my life? How do i feel about the fact that many of the people I spend time with on a daily basis do not know God? Somehow these questions bother me, because I'm unable to answer them as directly as I want to. As I enjoy my last couple weeks here at UCLA, I pray that I will spend time not only having fun and studying, but really reflecting and seeking the answers to these questions.

11/25: wow... i can't believe i actually stopped updating since Thursday. it's been an extremely hectic weekend... i have about an hour before i leave for school, during which i need to make a bunch of phone calls, finish packing, do some more homework, and also write this entry. come on, i can't possibly leave home for another week at school without at least attempting to wrap up the long weekend. don't get me wrong, its been an incredibly fun weekend... its just that theres soo much on my mind that slowly built up over the past few days that its hard for me to relax. but taking a break to write always helps right? =)

Thursday - worked on my geography essay for a bit, went to teach piano, then prepared for the awesome Thanksgiving family dinner. it's been forever since we had time for a big family gathering like this, and good food always makes things even better. oh and i took a bunch of pics, so i'll post those hopefully next week when i come home.

Friday - went to the LA Auto Show =). i managed to avoid the $20+ parking fees by finding a $7 one instead. and going by myself means i had plenty of time before/after the show to do some hunting. i did run into Jeff(Yen) though and we went through part of the show together. my very brief impressions on the show - The Nissan GTR is simply beautiful. i had mixed feelings about it when i saw pictures, but now that i've seen it in person i'm absolutely in love. i want one right now... maybe in midnight blue? =). *drools* F430 Scuderia was awesome too, and so was the Granturismo, DBS, list goes on... oh and one word that describes the mother of all positive adjectives - REVENTON. hehe... as for the parking lot hunts, i have to say this is one of the best years ever - highlights include a Continental GT, Quattroporte, and Arnage all with insane pimped out rims, a Skyline R32 GTR, a Ferrari 412, and a Viper RT/10 in LIME GREEN(!!!). oh and if thats not enough, how about Sylvester Stallone's very own customized Rolls-Royce Phantom parked right in front of the Staples Center? so yea, i had an awesome time at the Convention Center =). came home and got some food, then went down to visit Carol's cellgroup and talked with Grace for a while. then worked on that essay...

Saturday - this is when the pressure really kicked in... i swore to myself that i would finish this 8-page essay before i go back to school, even though it's not due until Thursday. don't forget, i have no computer at school, so its only wise to get it done first. got a little more work done, then went to get a haircut, then went to Irvine for the ClayMusic concert. we had enough time to do a full soundcheck and rehearsal before eating and performing. oh and the weirdest thing - i randomly ran into Rebecca(Lin) cuz apparently she goes to that church! it's been sooo long... we definitely need to hang out and catch up sometime =). the concert went very well... we actually had pretty much a full house, something quite hard to get on this side of the Pacific Ocean (China was a totally different story =) ). went to celebrate afterwards at - any guesses? - Coconut Bay! filled my stomach with some amazing Spicy Shrimp Fried Rice (it's number 70 now, not 90 hehe).

Sunday (today) - went to church, then lunched with Steph(Yu) and our parents... sadly its kind of rare to have these parents-and-kids lunches at church these days, but it was definitely fun. took Carol Ben and Grandma home afterwards, helped Carol with her personal statements, then switched to essay mode for the rest of the afternoon. now the most amazing thing - it's around 6:30PM right now and my essay is DONE, and i'm almost finished packing too. so i guess all that stress was actually worth it =). i did wish to accomplish a bit more than that this weekend though, but i guess i shouldn't complain.

so anyways, it's time to shut up and get ready to go back to school for... WEEK NINE. i can't believe i'm finished after three weeks. unfortunatley that also means a LOT of work to do this coming week. but at least i got that essay over with =). with all that said, i guess i can go back to school in peace now. see you guys next week! =)

11/22: Happy Thanksgiving everyone! hope you're all having an awesome day so far. to celebrate the holiday, i've updated the site with two dozen new wallpapers (Extras -> Wallpapers), consisting of new pictures from Catalina Island and my best attempts at Macro photography. hope you like them! =)

In other news, i've officially decided that i'm going to the LA Auto Show on FRIDAY instead of Sunday, partly because i'll have to drive back home after the show anyways and also partly because most of the CP guys seem to agree that Friday will be a better day for parking lot spotting. i sure hope they're right =).

one last thing - several people have asked me to look over their college app essays. as usual, i'd love to help, but my one request is to get them as soon as possible - especially now that i don't have a computer at school, there really isn't much i can do to help unless i get the essays while i'm still at home. so please don't wait til the last day to send them to me. as long as i have time, i'd love to help as much as possible =). speaking of essays, i better get working on my geography paper...

11/21: week8 update. hey that rhymes =). it's only around 9PM right now but it feels like 1AM cuz usually by the time i drive home from school at night it's already late at night. thanks to Julia Derek and Christine for being extremely cooperative - i tend to overreact to a lot of things when i'm under time pressure, but it's really cuz i hate to make people late and be stuck in the awkward situation of feeling responsible for things i have no control over. and i'm sure everyone else will end up feeling as awkward as i do. but we were able to get Christine to the airport on time and drive back to the Rowland/Walnut area with almost no traffic. anyways, it's been an extremely short week - technically i didn't even have to be at school, since my only class was on Tuesday and it was a lecture so i could ditch =). honestly, aside from the fact that i don't like to ditch class without a good reason to do so, i went to school this week primarily cuz i had 14 meal swipes to use up in 3 days. it was definitely an awesome week - everyone seemed a lot more relaxed than usual cuz we were all excited to go home (or simply have a super long weekend), and of course the overload of food helped too. for those who have been at UCLA, just imagine finals week without finals. sure, some people had a few midterms... but sucks for them. hehe j/k... anyways, here's the update.

Sunday-returned to UCLA, got a smoothie,and joined Christine and Isaac at the 5N lounge. it's been a LONG time since i recall hanging out with the 5N gang in the big lounge; we'd already reached that point when we realized that any attempt to study in that lounge will eventually lead to a big social party... and that's pretty much what happened - Trinh Jerry Antony Elaine and Connie came to join us, and the party started. got Bruin Cafe at midnight, marking the beginning of an intense three days of swiping the crap out of my BruinCard to make sure the UC Regents doesn't get any free money from my leftover swipes. we were extremely fortunate to have arrived 10 minutes early; not long after we got there, the line to BruinCafe was backed up all the way to Puzzles. i guess i'm not the only one with the swipe problem =).

Monday-despite having to stay up late at night to make sure i got the midnight smoothie out of my system before sleeping, it was one of the most comfortable nights in the car ever - the temperature was perfect, and a new way of making my bed, er.... seat, that i recently started using made it even more cozy. i really could have stayed there and slept for another couple hours, but i forced myself to get up and hike up the hill to eat breakfast. come on, i couldn't possibly let that swipe go to waste =). went to campus to practice and ran into Paula, and we got to talk for a while. then did some practicing. lunched with Jessica Jerry Abraham and Jason, then ate again with Jane... so i spent two hours in the dining hall. sat at Rendezvous working on my essay (yes, i was being productive!), and Christine Trinh and Derek came to join. then afterwards Christine(Shen) and Tiffany came too. at this rate i can probably spend an entire day sitting at Rendezvous and never feel bored =). went to study in the 5N lounge - Natalie came to join too, and eventually we both fell asleep on our couches. chilled in Trinh's room, then dinnered at Covel with Christine Trinh Natalie Antony and Derek. the studdie party continued in Trinh's room afterwards. for those who are keeing track of my swipes, that's 4 swipes so far - midnight, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. but the fun continues - went to puzzles with Christine and Tiffany for some nuggets and ice cream, using up our 10PM-midnight swipe, followed by smoothies and more food after midnight (new swipe period). Christine and Natalie kindly invited me to stay in Hedrick for the rest of the week (two nights), so i went to grab my stuff from my 'room' and joined the Hedrick gang back on 5North. usually i walk with them to the stairs then turn around and leave... but this time i get to join them all the way, and partake in the late-night party in Jerry's room while waiting patiently to digest that smoothie.

Tuesday-breakfast with Sue and Kharifa, then with Sophia and Jane. i think i set a new breakfast record - two and a half friggin hours at Deneve. i ended up getting a physics lesson from Sophia... now i know the change in time formula by heart =). walked with Jane to campus, then went to geography class. got to sit with both Tammy and Evelyn for the first time =). the most amazing thing was that for the first time, i almost completed the entire crossword puzzle! normally i don't even come close to finishing, but this time i was so close that i actually stayed awake the entire duration of class, filled with frustration and determination to fill in those last few squares. after class i joined Jerry studying on the hill by the Janss steps, then sat outside Wooden saying hi to people. found Derek walking back and directed him to take a detour to intersect Antony Christine and Trinh on their way back from class to have lunch together at Rendezvous. they had to go to the Getty Museum for art history class... well technically me and Derek didnt have to go, but i went cuz i had a car, and Derek went cuz the rest of us went. hehe... it's sad that after being at UCLA all these years, i've never been to the Getty. had an awesome time walking around, taking random pictures, and admiring art that we don't know much about. too bad it was already pretty dark outside... next time we should go earlier and spend more time there. after all, it's all free =). dropped everyone off back at Hedrick and parked just in time to go to Deneve for the GOC dorm dinner, which apparently didn't exist. but a few random Gracers appeared and we decided to have our own dorm dinner consisting of Christina Luke Jonathan James Henry Christine and myself. spent the night in the small lounge at 5N. Elaine came to join and drew me a couple Anime people =). visited Irina in the 5S lounge for a while, then came back to 5N to shower before the next adventure of how-to-use-14-swipes-in-3-days. first i went to Puzzles with Christina and Erin and got ice cream (and nuggets =) )... so apparently Christina and Erin are roommates, and their third roommate is Peggy from my floor last year... such a small world =). Christine and Tiffany came to Puzzles too, and after getting food we migrated to BruinCafe to claim a table before the big midnight crowd came. then after midnight we used another swipe on smoothies. for those keeping track, thats 11 swipes this week so far. walked back up the hill with the Hedrick gang, and joined the late-night party with Christine Trinh Derek Antony and Jerry. spent the night at Christine & Natalie's again.

Wednesday - breakfast with Julia Elise and Sophia. walked with Sophia to Rieber to drop stuff off for Sophia. Emily still thinks i look like a "Nikko". haha... went with Sophia back to her room then to Haines, then went to do some practicing. talked with Elizabeth for a bit on the way back to the Hill, then lunched with Jessica Keiko and Sophia at Deneve. went to BruinCafe to go online for a bit, then sat outside Puzzles talking with Jessi and Eddie during their break from work. it's strange how i know so many people that work for UCLA Dining Services... maybe i'll get free food after i graduate? hehe j/k... after their break ended i moved up to Rendezvous and was joined by Rock Michelle and Derek. went to meet with Prof. Chihara afterwards for another 10-minute "class"... i got a lot of desperately needed help though =). went back up to 5N for a bit, then went to fetch my car for an evening of choffeuring people around. so here's the plan - leave parking lot 8 at around 4:25, pick up Julia at Deneve turnaround, pick up Derek at Hedrick turnaround, then pick up Christine at Rieber turnaround. then join the awesome Los Angeles rush hour traffic jam to get Christine to LAX to catch her flight home. after that Julia Derek and I grabbed dinner at McDonalds, partly cuz it was dinnertime and also partly to stall time to let traffic die down. and the plan totally worked; the drive home from LAX was smooth almost the entire way, with the exception of missing an onramp (my fault). took Derek to meet with his family in Rowland Heights, then took Julia home (Walnut), then went home myself.

my eyes make it seem like i haven't slept in days... yes, all that driving was quite exhausting, but i actually enjoyed it a lot. i guess i'm still in that phase of enjoying having a new car =). to be honest, i'm still extremely stingy when it comes to giving rides sometimes, and there were several times when i thought i was insane for volunteering to drive people around so much. but the more i think about it, the more i realize that even if it seems like i'm spending a lot of time, gas, and money investing in all these relationships, the truth is that i only have a few more weeks left to do so. i feel extremely priveledged to be in a position that can benefit others, and i should put this position to good use as a brother in Christ.

to end this entry, i'm glad to say that i've used up 13 of the 14 swipes i paid for this week. as for that last swipe, i'll exchange it for something probably in the form of a smoothie when i return to school on Sunday night. meanwhile it's time to enjoy a four-day weekend filled with spending time with family, eating, being productive (essay!), and having a blast at the LA Auto Show. for now, i better shut up and go get some sleep. have a great Thanksgiving break everyone! =)

11/20: Spontaneous reflections from the 5 North lounge. It's not everyday I can sit quietly on the floor I pretty much call home and reflect. Christine and Trinh are at dance practice, Derek is at small group, and Jerry just left for Kendo. The more I think about it, the more thankful I am for all the people that make me feel so welcome on this floor. Surely it was a miracle from God; when the quarter first began, I didn’t know a single person on 5 North. Yet things turned out perfectly – all the right events at the right places and the right time. And I basically know as many people on this floor now as I did when I lived here last year.

Christine and Natalie have kindly invited me to stay at their room this week. For the first time, I can come back up to Hedrick with our usual late-night food run gang and not have to go anywhere else afterwards. It’s great to re-experience the joys of living at a place where I can easily consider myself a part of the community. And we already spend so much time together that I can rest without feeling like a foreigner at all. And besides, I’ve technically spent more time living on this floor then all of them did.

I find it extremely hard to believe that Week 8 is almost over. People around me are also starting to sense the need to look back and reflect on how things have changed this quarter. It’s always interesting to see how groups of friends form over time. Looking back at pictures from the beginning of the quarter earlier this week, we saw both people who seemed to have vanished from the earth and people who we can’t imagine our lives without. I really don’t know how to describe my sorrow each time I realize that in a few short weeks, my life as I know it now will cease to exist. While everyone else will continue on with another quarter at UCLA, I’ll be out on my own seeking direction in the next stage of my life. I’ll definitely come back to visit frequently, but things simply won’t be the same. I pray that in the same way the friends I made throughout my years in college will always be a part of my life, I may also continue to be a part of theirs even though we are parting ways.

As for my nomadic lifestyle, I know that without it I wouldn’t be able to reap the fruits of spending countless hours sitting in public with nowhere else to go. I’ve learned to take advantage of libraries and other places that I never really bothered to expose myself to until this year. By spending time with freshmen, the curious and outgoing side of me was brought out even more than before. While I didn’t think it was possible to improve on this attitude that took me years to master, my experiences clearly proved otherwise. I must admit that ever since my own freshman year at UCLA, I don’t recall a single quarter as exciting and fulfilling as this one. While I once had to convince myself to go out and make the most out of the “college experience”, it is now second nature, and that very nature – a balance of academics, extracurricular activities, and everyday social life, fueled by an attitude to make the most out of every moment – is what defines my life now. It breaks my heart to think that very soon this excitement will come to an end. But I believe God must have a reason for allowing my college career to end so perfectly, and I’m excited to see how He will use all the friendships and knowledge I received at UCLA to continue shaping my life after I graduate.

11/18: it's that time of the week again when i pack my bags and prepare for another week at UCLA. it has been an awesome weekend - i'm one of those people who feel content through being productive (which could mean both doing work and having fun), and this weekend was definitely a productive one. i actually didn't make it to PACT cuz they were starting an hour earlier and i really didn't have much free time. as hard as it is to believe, i actually did quite a bit of homework. and i also washed my car and did lots of work on this site. yea yea i know, nothing really changed on the site. but dont worry, the updated Wallpapers page is coming soon. sorry for the delay... it's taking a lot longer than expected. but i'm adding over 20 new wallpapers, as well as some more college pics and another ECPG update covering the two most recent spotting trips.

today was quite a busy day too - went to church, had lunch afterwards with Steph Joseph Esther and Mark. then rehearsed with Claymusic from 1:30 to 5:30. it was definitely exhausting, but it felt like forever since the last time i played in a concert. oh and the concert is next Saturday in Irvine, for those who are interested =). and now i'm back at home writing this entry before eating dinner.

so apparently the people i was supposed to meet with at school for a late dinner decided to spontaneously switch things around so i can't join them anymore. i'm definitely a bit frustrated about that, but its really no big deal. besides, i don't mind getting a smoothie with my leftover swipe. speaking of swipes, this coming week will probably be my most gluttonous week at UCLA, since i have to use up 14 swipes in three days. i'll start with a midnight snack, followed by three meals on Monday, plus a 10PM snack and another midnight snack, and so on... nuggets anyone? hehe... to be honest, i'm actually a little stressed right now about schoolwork. its nothing to worry about yet, but unless i get started soon, the end of the quarter will be very tough, with several music projects and an essay to finish. if i get my act together now, things won't be too hard. and besides, if i sit in the Hedrick 5N lounge long enough, someone will come join me for sure =).

so with all that said, i guess its time to shut up and get some food before going back to school. if anyone wants to hang out Thanksgiving break, please let me know early cuz its gonna be an extremely busy long weekend. i'm definitely looking forward to it though... like i said, i feel content through productivity =). speaking of productivity, there's a bunch of stuff i need to get done in the next 45 minutes, so i better go now!

11/17: check out the new website for Car-Parazzi (www.car-parazzi.com)... it looks soo much better than the old site and i can't wait to try out the chatroom features =). speaking of cars, the 2008 LA AUTO SHOW is happening right now. i'll be going next Sunday (11/25) - like last year, i'll be scouting the parking lots before and after the show. let me know if you want to meet me there =). of course, i rarely (if ever) post a car-related entry without a few pics. so here's some goodies from Golden Triangle trips 26 and 27 -

11/17: week7 update. i can't believe how quickly this quarter is passing by. it happens every quarter - things seem to be moving along at a pretty good pace, then suddenly weeks 6 and 7 come around and it seems like time is running out way too soon. except this time, the clock won't reset itself again. these last few weeks of the quarter are the last few weeks i'll ever spend as a UCLA undergrad student. i'm glad to say that this has been an extremely eventful week though. here's the update-

Sunday- had a boba party in Derek's room =). visited Sue @ Deneve and chilled there til about 1AM. Monday - practiced, lunched w/ Christine at Deneve then went shopping with her at Santa Monica =). and we had dinner at... *drumroll...* Curry House!! can you believe that? it's been two freakin years since i last went there. brings back so many awesome memories. and we ended up each ordering an extra plate of rice cuz there was sooo much curry =). came back to UCLA and explored the campus for a little bit - like i always say, i notice something new everytime i walk around campus, as long as i'm willing to pay attention to my surroundings. then we went to study @ Covel til they closed at midnight.

Tuesday- breakfast @ Deneve with Eric, then with Sue. did some work at the Music Library computers, then had class... organ class was moved to Tuesday this week, so no lunch =/. for some reason i didn't really feel like going up the Hill, so i studied on Bruinwalk instead... too bad most people there tend to not pay attention to their surroundings in fear of being bombarded with flyers... chilled with Jayson and Doris for a bit then went up to sit at Rendezvouos. Christine(Dang) came to join me then realized she had a chem quiz that she didn't know existed. haha... visited Harry at Rieber, then went to an incredible 2-hour-long dinner at Deneve. first i ate with Peggy Selena Alina Nancy and Wendy, then with Elizabeth and Claryce, then with the GOC dorm dinner gang. yep, three dinners in one night. definitely making the most out of that meal swipe =). went to the grad composers recital afterwards... i was a bit lazy to go at first until i realized Elizabeth was performing. and Mariko was there too... didn't see her this whole quarter until now! made it back to Hedrick at 9... visited Jane in 5S, then chilled with Christine and Jerry at 5N. went to Puzzles with Christine(Shen), and the Hedrick gang came to join us @ Bruin Cafe later. so as if those three dinners weren't enough, i also had ice cream, chicken nuggets, and Pepsi... at midnight. which explains why i didn't get much sleep at night. but a least i got to let some of that energy wear off by talking with Diep Angel and Gloria at Covel. i just walked by and said hi at first, then ended up sitting down and chatting for like an hour.

Wednesday - breakfast with Julia then Sana. practiced, lunched with Jessica Jonathan and Keiko. then went to Beverly Hills. ok let me explain - i normally don't go to the Triangle two weeks consecutively, but to be honest this trip was directly a result of my frustration from the fact that certain Car-Parazzi members who went there two days after i went last week found a friggin MC-12. and besides, last week's weather sucked, and now the sun's finally out. and believe me, this was a good trip. no, there was no MC12 or Gemballa Mirage, but i did catch a few babies that would have made my day even if it was a weekend. pixs coming soon. anyways, back to Wednesday. got some food before starting the fast (see previous entry) and took a shower in Rieber. ran into Christine in the lobby and took her to get shoes at Ross and Marshall's for her presentation the next day. spent the rest of the night in Hedrcik, first in 5S with Irina then with the 5N gang. left early to get Bruin Cafe with Christine, and the rest of them came to join later.

Thursday - spent the morning sitting and reflecting... at the Court of Sciences. come on, it's always nice to be well-rounded right? =). spent some time talking with Ran before he left for class. then the weirdest thing happened - someone walks over to me and goes "did you go to Troy? i know you but i don't remember your name". at that moment i was like 90% sure who she was, but it just didnt seem possible. but it was true - she was Esther, who i talked to everyday in physics class my junior year at Troy (her senior year). then she graduated and went to UCSD, and now she's done with college and working part time at UCLA. we hadn't talked since she graduated from Troy... in other words, it's been SIX YEARS. and somehow we ended up at the same place at the same time again, and somehow she still recognized me. we're gonna find time to hang out at UCLA next week, and we have a LOT to catch up on... anyways, back to Thursday. went to class, then spent the next two hours (usually organ class) sitting at SMB with a laptop saying hi to people and typing up random stuff. broke the fast after class at Rieber dining hall... i was originally gonna eat myself but i ran into the Rieber IV group and also Artistry, so we all ate together =). i still wanted to drink tea after it was time to leave, so they left first and i went to sit with Christine Trinh Antony and Jerry for a few minutes, then hopped on my scooter and caught up with the IV gang on Bruinwalk =). for Catalyst we had a special "Concert of Prayer"... i was in a group with George and Don and we got to talk n know each other and also pray together. went up to HEdrick afterwards and chilled with Irina and Natalie at 5S. we had the most hilarious conversation about dark abysses (what's the plural of abyss!?). Christine called after finally finishing the presentation that sucked the life out of her this week, and we decided to celebrate with a spontaneous trip to Santa Monica =). i've never been there so late at night (11PM-ish)... it's definitely a fun experience in its own way. the stores are all closed so there aren't a lot of people... but all the lights are still on and it looks beautiful. we walked around the pier for a bit, sat down and talked and took some pictures, then walked around 3rd street before heading back. and we only left cuz we wanted to get chicken nuggets and Puzzles closed at midnight. we arrived at Sproul Turnaround at 11:55PM and Christine went to order first while i went to park the car. turns out they ran out of nuggets, but at least we got curly fries =). ate our 'snack' at Covel, then went up to Rieber for a shower before going to sleep.

Friday- all those chicken nuggets this week, plus the ice blend i got this morning for breakfast, was the result of having a million extra swipes from Monday and from the fast. i sat at the Bruin Bear with my drink for a bit, and ran into Sophia, so we walked to campus together. spent the morning doing Mancini Studio stuff. lunched with Christine at Hedrick (they didn't have Western Bacon Cheeseburgers!! =///). went to Ackerman afterwards and had a meeting with Jerome. helped clean up after the GOC Quarter COokout. shopped at the UCLA store with Christine and Derek. ran into Jenny there n talked outside the store for a while. walked back after shopping and chilled with the H5N gang in Trinh's room. dinnered with Josh and GOC people - apparently dinner was moved up to 5:30 and half the people didn't know so it was really awkward, but i ran into Josh outside so we decided even if we couldn't find the rest of them we could still eat together =). went to GOC, then walked back with Christine Derek and Evelyn. had nuggets and ice cream at Puzzles with Christine and Evelyn... we talked about everything from evangelism to writing up people in the dorms (cuz Evelyn's an RA). the party ended when Puzzles closed at midnight. walked up to Rieber with Christine, then said bye and headed home.

so now i'm back at home again, finally well-rested and sitting in front of my own computer. this week has definitely left me with some incredible memories, and i hope the rest of the quarter will be just as awesome. for now, it's time to launch into a very busy weekend involving church stuff, homework, homepage stuff, and much more. so i guess i should shut up and get to work. bye!

11/14: I was caught off guard when I ran into both Darren and Leiman at different times on Tuesday and was reminded that our commitment to fasting would involve a fast every two weeks. I had long assumed that they had forgotten about it, and that we would have brought up the topic of fasting with each other at least once in these past couple weeks if we were going to keep up with it. After breaking the previous fast together, our lives pretty much returned to normal. At least I know mine did. I began to take prayer a bit more seriously and thought about God more in my day-to-day life. But other than that, nothing really changed. I was hesitant to agree to a second fast simply because I would have appreciated an earlier notice so I could use up my extra meal swipes beforehand and prepare my heart to enter into “discomfort” mode. But honestly I had nothing against another fast, and doing so wouldn’t interfere with any previously made plans. I definitely do need more spiritual discipline, and without forcing myself to make a sacrifice, I’m simply not motivated to lay aside the ever-so-exciting social life that I have established over the years in favor of spiritual growth. So as I enter into my second fast, I pray that God will continue the work He has been doing in my heart to shift the focus of my final quarter at UCLA away from myself.

One particular incident from earlier this week keeps reappearing in my mind. It was one of those moments when I was overwhelmed by my desire for the things God has placed in my heart, and exploded when my imperfections and the imperfections of those around me clashed. This happened in front of someone I consider one of my closest friends at UCLA, and left me filled with frustration, regret, and sorrow.

It’s always nice to think back on times like this when I messed up and wonder why God allowed it to happen. First, I realized a major flaw in the way I relate to my friends. As a result of the transformations that took place in my social life six years ago, it’s extremely easy for me to fall in love with pleasing others even though my selfish nature can’t hide forever. It’s not even really an issue of putting on a mask; I’m very real with people when given a chance to be so. But it’s just too easy for me to fall into the groove of appearing perfect, and when that groove is interrupted I explode. In a sense, I guess times like this are inevitable. In fact, they bring me closer to the reality of human relationships than I can ever be if I follow the path I’m on now. But if I allow myself to somehow get in touch with this reality on a day-to-day basis, the explosions will be much less severe and will eventually fade into the normal scope of human ups and downs.

The rest of my thoughts about the incident stem from the question of who was at fault. Yes, everyone messed up at some point. But I’m not here to judge others’ mistakes, since at this point that will only cause me to become angry. I’ve always believed that through living a life so different from those around me, God has put several issues on my heart that contribute to problems in today’s society. Unlike many Christians who feel a big burden for larger issues such as homelessness and injustice, at this stage of my life I feel most attached to smaller things that people often overlook. But these are often the very things that prevent Christians from living out God’s calling for them in their everyday lives at its fullest. For example, I’ve always been a big advocate of limiting exposure to pop culture, standing for personal beliefs, fighting actively against laziness, and avoiding computer-dependent relationships. Upon realizing the many ways in which my life differs from the lives of those around me, I also realized that God created me with these differences purposely, and that I need to believe I’m doing the right thing and not conform to becoming like everyone else. Over the years I spent at UCLA, I found it extremely difficult to accept the fact that the world does not realize its own problems, and that the problems will only get worse.

So where have I gone wrong? The battles I fight for the things God has placed in my heart are battles for His glory, but I’ve taken them into my own hands, and I fight so that I can prove myself right and gain pride from it. If I want to work for God, I must remember that He’s the one that ultimately transforms people’s lives. If I want to live for God, I must keep in mind that this life isn’t all about me, and that there will always be times when I feel like I’m the only one who holds the beliefs I hold. I pray that I may learn to depend on God more during these times, dealing with sin by showing love and patience and trusting Him for the result.

I’m glad to say that by the grace of God the incident was eventually resolved and the day ended well both for my friend and for myself. By then I realized that ultimately it’s not about who’s right and wrong, or who’s giving in to whom. As Christians we both had the chance to show each other God’s love, and as a result we were both reminded of His greatness in our lives. And that’s exactly how I believe a Christ-based friendship should look like. So I take the free time I have as a result of this second fast to pray not only for the issues God placed on my heart, but for my own attitudes as I approach the little things that will inevitably bother me for the rest of my life. May this fast be not only a discipline to step out of my comfort zone, but a chance to truly reflect and examine the current state of my heart. With only a few weeks left before I graduate, there isn’t much time left for me to really make the most out of what God has given me. I still believe that God has a reason for every interaction I have with people. So may every friendship, whether new or old, whether deep or shallow, be glorifying to Him.

11/10: week6 update. it's been quite an eventful week... in fact, i almost had no time to sit outside Rendezvous like i usually do to kill time (and do homework). and special thanks to the IV Rieber gang for letting me stay at Rieber this whole week. i had thought that i wouldn't be staying in the dorms anymore since moving in/out every day is such a big hassle. but getting to spend a whole week there is definitely a luxury. anyways, here's the update-

Sunday - went back to UCLA and gave Julia a aride back too. dinnered with Derek Antony Jerry Christine and Trinh at Covel - you know, our usual Sunday night late dinners... had an awesome conversation with Jerry about God... hearing other people's perspectives always helps me think more deeply about my faith. went back to Hedrick 5N afterwards and chilled at Christine's and Jerry's. went to Bruin Cafe with Christien Trinh Derek and Steffan.

Monday - breakfast, practice. lunch w/ Antony Christine and Isaac @ Hedrick. sat at Rendezvous for a bit, chilled with Michelle(Chan). Tracy invited me to go chill in Rieber with the IV gang, which also led to my invitation to spend the week in Rieber. dinnered with Christine Paige Jessi and Brian. Jessi went to my car with me to help move stuff into Rieber (thanks!). chilled at Jessi's on 5N (where i spent the night) and played piano and chess. oh by the way, she's amazing at chess and can explain and analyze every move i make. i learned sooo much...

Tuesday - breakfast, practice, class. grabbed a quick lunch before the long-awaited Golden Triangle 26 trip! yea i know, the weather was kinda crappy... but i couldn't wait any longer. i can always go again next week if i feel like it =). but anyways, highlights of the afternoon include a Henessey SRT-10 Viper and a RR Phantom Centenary Edition (35 in the world!). came back and chilled at Tracy's, then joined the GOC dorm dinner with Christine. went back up to Rieber with Christine and Tiffany. stayed at Christine's for a bit, then went to SMB for the undergrad composers recital. made it back to Rieber just before 9PM and chilled on 7N. spent the night at Dianne and Paige's.

Wednesday - breakfast with Sophia Julia Elise and Christa. visited Jessica at BC Express then went to practice. had lunch with Jessica and and her friend Keiko, and turned out i actually knew her cuz we had dinner together last year on Mariko's birthday. visited Keiko and Letty in their room until 3, then went to meet with Chihara. i thought our 'class' from two weeks ago was short (15 minutes), except this time we met for FIVE minutes. and yes, it's a 4-unit class. haha... ran into Jayson n chilled outside SMB for a bit. then ran into Victoria and Eric outside Kerchoff n sat with them for a while. went to the UCLA store to pick up Logic (=)), put it on my car, then visited Derek in Hedrick. dinnered at Hedrick with Jerry Christine Helen Jennifer Mark and Annie. i got up to get some tea and ran into Paula and Ming and ended up talking with them for a long time and everyone else couldn't find me hehe. chilled at Jerry's and Christine's. checked out the 5N/5S "Mocktail Party"... got lots of (non-alcoholic) drinks. Jerry was still drunk though hehe... he ended up spillling margarita all over his bed. pictures coming soon =). met with Christine(Shen) @ Puzzles for some nuggets at around 11-ish, then went to Rieber to visit the IV gang. spent the night at Tracy and Christina's.

Thursday - woke up to find Tracy studying frantically before her theory midterm. so the first thing i did after waking up was give a lecture on augmented 6th chords. gosh im such a nerd =/. breakfast with Antony and Jane. chilled at Jane's room and had the most amazing "dark spicy aztec" chocolate ever. we discovered an amazing connection between music and food... maybe we shoudl write a book about it someday hehe. went to classes, the dinnered in Rieber with Kevin. went to Catalyst and gave Grace a ride home (south of Wilshire!) afterwards. visited Christine in Rieber and played random games in the hallway. Jasper came to join us too. got puzzles (nuggets!) and ate til around midnight. then went up to Tracy's and stayed there for another night.

Friday - it's kinda nice not having breakfast on Fridays, since moving out of Rieber was a one-way trip. with the help of my scooter, the entire downhill cruise to Lot 8 was a breeze, and i got everything moved and even ate some random food in my backpack before going to Mancini at 9. i'm actually listening to some of the stuff i made right now cuz i brought the recordings home. the sound quality isn't nearly as nice without those amazing speakers, but i guess my headphones will do. anyways, lunched with Christine at Hedrick - our usual Friday adventures revolving around Western Bacon Chesseburgers =). chilled at Rieber, then visited Derek and Bryce in Hedrick. went to Westwood with Derek and did some target practice while he was getting a haircut. Bryce came with us to the GOC dinner and we had our own little table in the PDR with Camille cuz the big tables were full. at the end me Derek and Camille decided to rebel against the group by staying to finish eating even after they all left =). but we still made it before worship started. chilled in Hedrick afterwards... it was amazingly quiet and i was soo surprised at how many people went home for the long weekend. upon realizing that i probably won't be needing my last swipe on Sunday night, i called Christine to meet at Puzzles for a third consecutive night of - any guesses? - nuggets! and she had an extra swipe too, so we also had ice cream. its sooo bad for me, but at least i had energy to drive home even though it was already almost midnight.

so yea, now i'm at home once again. apparently the Chinese newspaper now has Sudoku in it, and my mom's totally addicted =). its a lot harder than the Daily Bruin ones too... so anyways, before i shut up, i should be going back to school on Sunday night still, so if you wanna hang out then or on Monday let me know! seems like everyone's gone home, but i'm sure theres still plenty of you still at school who don't feel like studying on a holiday. so yea... gimme a call or something and we'll hang out. yepyep... ok i'll shut up now. bye!

11/04: the end of another awesome weekend. played with Christina's worship team for the first time today... its always interesting having to adapt to different leaders and their styles. afterwards i got to meet Stephanie Yu and we talked until we had to leave. i think she's gonna come to church and PACT from now on. by the way, PACT is going bowling this Saturday, anyone wanna come? =).

so anyways, it's that time of the week again when i bring the weekend to a close and get ready to go back to UCLA. after the intense and strategic packing from the previous couple weeks, my one-week packing routine seems so easy now that i'm afraid i'm actually forgetting something. hopefully thats not the case.

for those who are wondering, the ECPG is finally updated after several months, and now the directory is finally up to date. i doubt thats gonna last long though, since i can smell another Golden Triangle trip coming up possibly in this next week. in other update news, all the pics from these past few weeks have been added, except the Fall Conference ones. i'm also working on an update for the wallpapers page that should be up soon.

with all that said, its time to shut up and go eat dinner (home-cooked Chinese food! =) ) before going back to school. i can't believe the quarter is already halfway over, and now it's at the time when people are starting to realize i'll be gone soon, and they're asking if i'm gonna come back to visit. it really makes me sad to have to leave... but then again that only makes me want to cherish the time i have left at UCLA more than ever before. sure, i'm still living an extremely crazy life. but i'm definitely enjoying it so far, and i pray that God will lead me through another awesome week full of surprises.

11/03: Week5 update. it's great to be back home again after two weeks. i definitely do miss being home and getting to sleep on one of those um... whats it called? ohh a bed! seriously, it's been soo long. actually i've been extremely well rested this week, thanks to Jamie who invited me to stay at Hilgard again. i've also learned to be extremely thankful for an amazing creation called FOOD. when Leiman Charles Darren and i ended our fast before Catalyst, it was the most amazing feeling ever... i downed a huge bucket of various KFC items - two pieces of chicken, two biscuits, potato wedges, macaroni n cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy - in about 20 minutes. and i also had plenty of extra swipes that were exchanged for an ice blend and chicken nuggets later in the night. but aside from all the good food, the point is that i really did learn a lot from this fast, and i'll write about it more later in the entry. for now, lets rewind to Sunday.

Sunday- got back from Catalina n studied with Jerry Jenette and Jenny in the 5N lounge. took a break n went to Bel-Air for a bit, then chilled in Jerry's room. dinnered with Jerry Antony and CHristine @ Covel, then studied at Jerry's some more.

Monday - breakfast with Ying. Mancini Studio, organ practice, lunch with Jessica and Abraham. chilled outside Rendezvous with Victor and Dianne while working on Yejee's music. Yejee came to pick up the score and brought me a boba =). studied @ Tammy's for the geography midterm. joined Tammy and Anny for an awesome apartment dinner, followed by more studying. chilled in the HEdrick 5S lounge w/ Irina then at Christine's room with Natalie Derek and Jerry. got BC/Puzzles... i tried the Puzzles ice cream for the first time, and it's soo good! =). now i have an alternative to always getting smoothies... moved into Jamie's place afterwards, only to discover that the guy that i knew simply as Jamie's other friend who was also spending the week in her living room turned out to be Robert, my friend from freshman/sophomore year! its crazy how we finally reunite after losing touch for a few years.

Tuesday - breakfast with Bernice. went to the studio to finish Yejee's song. crammed a little more for the geography midterm. lunched with Jerry at Covel. chilled at Rendezvous in my usual spot. took Sunny to go run some errands and met up with Yejee on the way back to pick up a gift! and it's such an amazing gift too... makes me feel several times richer than i actually am hehe. parked and walked back to Hedrick with Sunny, then chilled at Rendezvous with Irina and Steph(Liu). went back up to Hedrick n visited CHristine. went to the GOC dorm dinner and spent the rest of the night at the Mancini Studio catching up on projects before going to Hilgard to sleep.

Wednesday - breakfast with Julia Annie and Elise. walked with Sue to the psych lab for some printing, then practiced at SMB. lunched with Jessica. spent the afternoon "flying" around the 405 freeway and got some awesome shots. also saw my first Audi R8 =). went Trick-or-Treating in Beverly Hills with Anny Tammy Doris and Jayson. i can't even remember the last time i went Trick-or-Treating, but it was soo much fun, especially when every house we went to was at least a million bucks. nobody gave us cash though hehe. afterwards we went to drive around looking for the "Witch's House" but didn't find it... and now i looked it up and know where it is, so i'll probably go check it out during my next carspotting trip (next week maybe? =) ). dropped every one off and got back to Hedrick before 9. since i had my costume on, i figured i might as well walk around every floor like i did during All Hill. chilled with Jaymie and Michelle in 7S for a bit, then visited Harkiran on 2N. studied at Christine's afterwards until we all went on another Bruin Cafe run.

Thursday - walked to campus with Jamie and Harkiran. spent the morning walking and praying in the Botanical Garden, followed by a long six-and-a-half hours of class. thats when the pain of not eating really kicked in. broke the fast before Catalyst with some awesome KFC. studied @ Elaine's room on 2N with Christine and Trinh. got Bruin Cafe and Puzzles with Christine Trinh Jerry and Derek. i finally had an extra swipe to use, and of course i chose to get nuggets. come on, i can't leech of everyone else's nuggets every night =).

Friday - moved out of Hilgard n got a smoothie for breakfast. spent the morning at Mancini. met with Christine(Shen) for lunch @ Hedrick - they had fried chicken AND western bacon cheeseburgers. so i ate soooo much... but anyways, played pool with Christine (gosh its been soo long!) then went with her to some business group meeting thingy outside Rendezvous... got to meet Mei Mizuo Gideon and Jacklyn. went back to Rieber with Christine - we spent the rest of the day in the lounge playing with her webcam and taking stupid pictures an dvideos. so much for studying huh? haha... joined GOC for dinner @ Covel, followed by the large group meeting. walked back to the Hill n enjoyed some nuggets (gosh i love those nuggets!) with Christine Derek and Benson at Rieber Vista. yea i know, the game night is supposed to be for Freshmen and Sophomores only. but enough people invited me that i decided to go for a few minutes. besides, i was going home soon anyways. walked with Derek to Deneve, then went to get my car. picked up Julia at the turnound and drove back to Walnut!

so that's where i am now, back at home in Walnut. ok fine, this isn't really Walnut... but whatever. so about that fast... its always a bit strange to do spiritual disciplines in places where not everyone is Christian, and i came to realize that i treat it with two opposing attitudes. first, i like to tell people i'm fasting if i'm with other Christians. second, i like to avoid the topic of fasting if i'm with non-Christians. ultimately that all boils down to the fact that i'm extremely concerned with how people see me, and i often place it as a higher priority than i place God. that's something i've already learned a lot about and still have a lot more to learn. but it was definitely nice to feel so weak that i no longer had the energy to care about what others thought of me. it really teaches me to be thankful and step outside my usual self-centered perspective. i'm not sure what Leiman Charles Darren and I will do next to keep each other disciplined, but i definitely pray that we will continue to pursue discipline as a group.

so anyways, thats the end of this update. there's plenty of stuff i need to catch up on after not being home for two weeks, and i better go get started on that. i'll have the halloween pictures posted before i return to school tomorrow, and the Fall Conference pics might take another week or so since i might need to wait on a few more pics. we'll see what happens... and yes, i apologize for posting a million entries at the same time. i didn't have time to upload them individually as i wrote them at school. but i did figure out how to update my site away from my home computer, so i'll try to put it to good use. with that said, i'm gonna shut up. bye!