08/27: Califfany Proposal Part 4 - Week Three (July 27 - August 1)

Sunday was a crucial point in the preparation process, as it was the last free afternoon I had before the big day. Tiffany didn't complain about me having to return home immediately after church, since I had told her that cleaning and planning for the barbecue would take a lot of time. I had hoped to have all the decorations and planning for the proposal done by that night, and for the most part, things were completed as scheduled. And thank God for that, because the remaining bits to finish up would prove much more time-consuming than expected.

At night, Mom went to consult Aunt Erhna, a family friend experienced in flowers and party decorations, to help with ribbons (since tying ribbons large enough for the gazebo poles was harder for us amateurs than we thought), and brought back a sample that amazed both of us. Meanwhile, Ken came over after an exhausting weekend of dragon boat racing to go over the finalized guest list (since we had asked everyone to RSVP by the previous night) and discuss the menu. Our guest list is focused on those closest to Tiffany and me, with enough room to accomodate family members, and we have an excellent balance of friends who can come at 6:00 to the "birthday party" and family members who will join the celebration just before the proposal.

On Monday, I placed an order for 18 balloons in white, dark purple, and light purple, and, with a final list of the last few decoration accessories I needed, completed my epic streak of Michaels runs. On Tuesday, Aunt Erhna worked her magic and finished the ribbons to ornament all six poles. At night, I finished the messages I wanted to write in the seven spots on the photo collages I had intentionally left empty, and printed them out the following day. The soundtrack was completed on Wednesday night, and the following morning it was burned on a disc, ready to be played at the party.

08/24: Summer is quickly coming to an end, and that means a new year of BSF will soon begin. The San Gabriel YAC leadership team just returned from our training/ hangout/ fellowship/ sleepover/ meeting/ retreat/ bootcamp/ whateveryouwannacallit in Big Bear, and it's starting to hit me that, for the first time, I'll be leading a discussion group from the very beginning of a study. Our training session left me convicted of several of my mistakes as a leader last year, and I realized just how easy it is, even when leadership is still a relatively new experience, to fall into the trap of focusing more on performing my weekly duties than on actually serving and shepherding my group members. To be honest, it's tempting to simply conclude that I'm not good enough to play this role. But I must remember that God is good and sovereign; He wouldn't allow me to be in this position of ministry unless there's some good that can result from it. My leadership experience last year was an incredible opportunity to grow, and I know that this new year will also help me grow stronger in many areas of my life.

It's definitely not all about me though. As we discussed during our training time in Big Bear, leaders are set apart, but not superior to those they lead. We were all given the lists of our new group members, and it was truly humbling to acknowledge that God has placed me in a position to serve them in the next eight months as we study His Word together. My group consists of both people I've known for years and people I have yet to meet, and while I'm very challenged by the responsibility I've taken on, I'm also very excited to see how God will work in the lives of each brother in our group.

I'm definitely not the only discussion group leader to feel weak or inadequate. But that serves as an excellent reminder to us all that leadership isn't ultimately about doing a perfect job on our own, but rather trusting in God to lead the way. I often prayed last year that I would measure success by my willingness to strive for a strong relationship with God, listen to His voice, and obey His prompting with both courage and humility regardless of the outcome. This year, my desire is the same. I pray that in the times when I feel weak, I will turn to God for strength, and in the times when I feel strong, I will remain humble and give Him glory.

08/19: Califfany Proposal Part 3 - Week Two (July 20 - 26)

While hanging out with Ken on Sunday evening, Tiffany mentioned that Steph said she had bought her a dress for her birthday so she can wear it to the barbecue party. I acted surprised, and actually was surprised, but deep inside I immediately came to see how Steph is truly a genius. Now, Tiffany has no choice but to come to the party dressed nicely, and I could talk to Steph to know what the dress looked like so I could pick an outfit for myself that didn't clash.

Beginning on Monday, I realized that my lunch break is an extremely precious period of time every day, allowing me to get lots of shopping done, since my work is conveniently located near several stores I wanted to visit. To be honest, I had actually intended to buy a bigger and more expensive diamond for Tiffany, and I even told Alli that I was willing to spend more for something better. But this was the best natural-grown rock they had without going significantly over my budget, and it was still within my ideal range of specs. The good thing, though, is that I was left with a very healthy budget for the food, decorations, and everything else needed to make the party itself a success.

Thanks to Carol, who has a side job at Michaels and taught me how to take advantage of the store's many coupons and discounts, I was able to enjoy plenty of savings during my many visits. On Monday during lunch break, I grabbed a pair of the large photo frames Mom and I had seen a few days ago. At night, I went with Carol to another Michaels, where she helped me pick out a couple rolls of tulles to drape across the fence between each pole.

As for the presentation of the ring using a cake, I had considered everything from shoving the ring inside a huge birthday cake to placing it in a box and baking a custom cake around it. But neither making Tiffany dig through a cake while wearing a new dress nor sliding a cream-covered ring across her freshly-done fingernail seemed like a smart idea. I might have decided to scrap the cake completely if it weren't for a fresh new idea - a small dessert cake on a stand with the ring mounted on top, all hidden under a dome cover until it was time for the ring to be revealed. Ornamented with flowers around it, it will serve as a centerpiece on the round table and still leave the door open for a separate birthday/engagement cake for all the guests.

I even figured out exactly what dessert cake to get - a round tiramisu cake from Urth Caffe in Pasadena. Yes, it's a rather far drive, and it's not even a particularly fancy cake. But it's a cake Tiffany will recognize right away; she first took me to try it back in May and we both fell in love with it, but when we went to have it again a month later, a major service mishap left us disappointed, frustrated, and empty-handed. I know that surprising Tiffany with this cake will bring her great joy, and given how I have a tendency to overthink things and make my plans too structured, this will add a softer and more personal touch to the proposal. I'm even planning to first trick Tiffany by opening a ring box with nothing inside before finally uncovering the cake. While it can be seen as an overly cruel joke, I know that when Tiffany sees me dressed up and everything decorated in purple (her favorite color), she will already have no doubt about my intention. Besides, it will take a real jerk to fake a proposal to a girl and leave her disappointed. And with so many tears (hopefully of joy) flowing from her eyes, a little laughter will definitely lighten the mood.

My quest for a good cake stand and dome cover led me to several stores with no success. I had envisioned a white cake stand with a white dome cover, but almost every dome cover in stores was clear, since most people on this planet simply have no need for a cake cover that conceals the cake inside. And ordering online wasn't an option, since there will be no time for exhanges or returns if it didn't turn out as good as expected. I considered buying a clear glass cover and spray-painting it myself, but was turned off by the idea of desecrating a brand new (and probably pricey) dome cover with cheap paint. While ranting to Carol at Michaels about how hard it is to find a darn cake cover, she suggested using Mom's clear cake stand (with no cover) and making a cover myself using a round cardboard craft box. Once again, she saved the day.

On Tuesday morning, I looked at Mom's cake stand to get an idea of how large it is. During lunch break, I went to the florist to order a huge wreath bouquet to go around the cake stand. (I didn't even know there was actually such thing as a wreath bouquet; I had thought I made up the phrase simply because the bouquet resembled a Christmas wreath, and was delighted that the florist actually knew what I was talking about). They listened kindly as I described my proposal plan and estimated the diameter of the cake stand using an 8.5" printer paper in the absense of a ruler, and they helped me pick out a suitably-sized bouquet and a mix of purple and white flowers.

There was still enough time for me to swing by Michaels to buy some round craft boxes before returning to the office. As I began to feel more and more comfortable with Mom and Carol's advice to browse the store for creative ideas, I returned again after work - my fourth visit in two days - to educate myself on ways to decorate the homemade cover, and took home a roll of metallic purple ribbin and a 99¢ wooden stick-angel kit, the head of which would be colored with a purple Sharpie and used as a handle.

Back at home, construction began. I've always enjoyed playing with cardboard and glue, and my friends from college may recall that most of the wall decorations in my dorm room were made by hand from boxes that would have otherwise ended up in the trash. But this is my first time having to meet such a tight deadline, and while I often return to the papers on my desk and make new sketches based on new or revised ideas, I know that things have to be finished quickly. With stuff scattered all over the floor, I decided to start taking pictures of each stage of preparation for the proposal, since this is something I only get to do once in my life. Two round craft containers about the size of dim sum steamers soon became a cylinder-shaped cake cover, with the bottom of one container knifed out and the remaining cylinder attached to the other container. In the next couple days, the whole thing was glued together, wrapped in white paper, and lightly decorated with the metallic purple ribbon, and the colored "angel head" was attached on top as a handle.

08/17: Califfany Proposal Part 2 - Week One (July 13 - 19)

With just three weeks to figure everything out, there really wasn't much time to spare. The biggest problem? I hadn't purchased a ring yet. Tiffany and I had already looked at rings and diamonds together at several stores before, and because she had agreed with pretty much every comment I made about the various rings we saw, I felt confident that we both shared the same taste. I wanted the freedom of selecting the ring without her telling me exactly what to get, but it was still very intimidating to realize that this would be a once-in-a-lifetime purchase that I could not afford to disappoint her with.

I originally intended to buy the ring from a store at which I (and people I know) had made various jewelry purchases before. But after a few phone calls that eventually led to the conclusion that the sales rep I usually work with is on vacation, I decided to explore other options first. On Thursday, I scheduled an appointment with Robbins Brothers in Fullerton and dropped by after work. Having done a healthy share of research ahead of time and printed pictures and specs of a ring/diamond set Tiffany and I both really liked (though it was way out of my price range) to use as reference, I showed up at Robbins Brothers expecting to leave with a much clearer idea of how to approach this big purchase.

Many things did not go as expected. First, Alli (the sales rep) was extremely kind and willing to listen to and accomodate both my budget and my preferences. Second, despite me casually commenting on how I don't want to take too long and make her stay overtime since I hate to be held up at work late myself, we ended up talking until almost 9:00PM, an hour after the store closed. Third, by the time I left, I had already placed a downpayment to have one diamond and one ring held for me, giving me a few days to make my final decision.

Why the hesitation? There were a couple decisions that I really wanted to think though before making the final purchase. I had known all along that Tiffany wants a Princess cut diamond, since everybody and their mother has a Round cut. (For those who have yet to be exposed to the world of diamond shopping, Princess cut refers to a square-shaped diamond). The problem is that Princess diamonds can easily appear cheap and tacky if not paired with a suitable ring - one that neither appears too plain nor has so many ornamentations that it undermines the diamond. Tiffany and I both like something that stands out, but still remains classy, elegant, and timeless. After talking to Alli about our ring preferences and showing her pictures of the ring we originally looked at, she pulled out two suggestions, one of which really stood out to me. It has a unique "inverted" mounting position, that, though designed for Round cut diamonds, would look amazing if modified for Princess cut. Being the stubborn person I am who often responds to change with immediate resistance, I asked Alli to talk to the lab technician to see if it could be altered to look more "normal". She later told me that the technician said yes, but asked why the heck anybody would want to take such a special ring and get rid of everything that makes it special. I decided to give it a little more thought.

As for the rock itself, Alli pulled out three excellent-quality Princess cut diamonds, two of which I particularly liked. One was a larger laboratory-grown diamond (which, for those who don't know, is one that maintains all the natural chemical properties of a regular diamond but was created in a lab setting, resulting in higher quality at a lower price), and while it really tugged my heartstrings, I ended up reserving the slightly smaller naturally-grown one instead. A little research at home left me assured that I had made the right choice; while lab diamonds are essentially the same as actual mined diamonds, they are a relatively recent concept and haven't yet gained enough popularity to justify the rather unromantic vibe. I also did some research on the ring that I reserved, and over the course of the next couple days, the unique but classy design grew on me. On Saturday, I went to Robbins Brothers again to make the final purchase, and was told that the ring, fitted with my diamond and adjusted to Tiffany's ring size, will be ready by Wednesday afternoon.

Given how I'm a stereotypically straight-minded guy who can only focus on one thing at a time, the ring purchase marked the beginning of detailed planning for the proposal itself. The only tangible thing I had really done up to that point was tell Tiffany on Sunday that I would throw a backyard barbecue party for her birthday (which made her extremely happy) and talk to Ken on Tuesday night to confirm the guest list. He took charge of the Facebook invitations, listing the event as a birthday party for Tiffany. Rather than using the annual barbecue as an opportunity to catch up with old friends, we agreed that, for this particular occasion, it was best to keep the list smaller and focused on people closest to us.

I had definitely spent some time thinking about the actual proposal throughout the week, and have already decided on using the raised circular area in my backyard (which used to be an old giant gazebo until we had the upper half of it cut down years ago due to safety concerns, leaving just some poles and fences), with the round stone table and benches that barbecue guests over the years have become very familiar with, as the actual proposal spot. It not only offers a slightly elevated position with a beautiful sunset view in the background, but also serves as an excellent canvas on which to set up various decorations. My idea now is to have someone "kidnap" Tiffany during the barbecue party to run an errand such as buying ice or drinks. During that time, I can transform the backyard with pre-made decorations, then surprise Tiffany with the proposal when she returns, using a cake as a means of presenting the ring.

I also thought it might be helpful for me to dress up nicely, except I was concerned that it might make Tiffany feel under-dressed for pictures, since she probably wouldn't plan on wearing anything special to a casual backyard barbecue. Thankfully, Steph came to the rescue. As one who is no stranger to event planning, she not only volunteered to be the "kidnapper", but also decided to take Tiffany out to have her nails done before the barbecue as a birthday present, naturally giving her a reason to dress up nicely. (Apparently that's how it's supposed to work; I guess it's one of those things I'll never completely understand as a guy.)

As soon as I returned home after making the ring purchase on Saturday, I began sketching out on paper various ideas of decorations. It was a time-consuming process, but it sure beats having to haul a bunch of stuff back from different stores only to realize that they are not suitable. One thing Tiffany and I have done consistently ever since we began dating is take an anniversary picture every month. With over 30 pictures in the portfolio, I know that I have to incorporate them into the proposal somehow, probably by taking a few minutes to view them and bring back memories before actually revealing the ring. What truly amazes me is that, after some careful calculation, I found out that the day after the barbecue party will mark exactly 1,000 days since Tiffany and I began our dating relationship. The idea of this possibility had already been on my mind months ago, and I estimated that this unique anniversary would fall around July or August. However, the discovery that it will actually land exactly on the weekend of the proposal makes it hard for me to believe that there isn't any sort of divine intervention involved, and I'm determined to somehow weave the magic number into the proposal.

That night, I talked with Mom about some of my ideas. Throughout the preparation process, Mom and Carol have both been extremely supportive and willing to offer ideas and suggestions. One of the best pieces of advice they gave me was that I won't really know what decorations I truly want until I visit some stores to get ideas. This is a rather foreign concept to me since I, like most typical guys, tend to only go shopping when I already know exactly what I'm looking for. But in this case, the ladies are absolutely right. Mom went with me to Michaels and Party City that night just before the stores closed, and it was then that everything I had thought about or sketched out finally began to make tangible sense. We stumbled upon some very tall white photo collage frames which, thanks to Mom's suggestion to place one on each side of the "gazebo" fence, not only proved better than my original idea to scatter the pictures across the whole fence, but also provides the framework for the rest of the decorations. With just two weeks before the big day, I plan to have all the decorations and details of the proposal finalized by next weekend, so I can spend the last week focusing on shopping for food and preparing my heart and mind to pop the question.

So far, things are off to a great start. One thing I'm learning more and more throughout the planning process is that the best proposal isn't one that amazes the whole world or sets an example for others to follow, but rather one that appeals to Tiffany at a personal level. Even though the proposal will be public and I have to take into consideration the fact that family members and friends will be watching, my ultimate goal isn't to put on a show for the audience or have a flawless video to post on YouTube, but rather to touch Tiffany's heart. I also want to do something that is true to my own character and personality, so that it will be genuine and heartfelt. And I can't think of a more deeply personal way to express myself at such a glorious occasion than to create an original soundtrack.

For as long as I've considered the possibility of marrying Tiffany, I've had a dream of using original music at our wedding. And I came to see that it would be a great idea for the proposal as well. After all, how many girls can claim that her boyfriend wrote and scored music for a whole orchestra to propose to her? And why worry about using copyrighted popular music or looking back and thinking "why the heck did we ever listen to that stuff?" when I have a friggin' college degree in music composition at my disposal?

Obviously, the problem is time - lots of time. Having had to compose and arrange orchestral pieces back in college, I know that the experience is not only indescribably passionate and thrilling, but also incredibly draining in just about every way imaginable. Given that the only orchestra I can afford to hire is the set of MIDI instruments on my computer, I have to not only compose and arrange the music, which requires lots of energy, skill, and inspiration, but also spend hours editing it to make it sound good. And if I can't afford to do what it takes make it sound good, then it will have been better if I don't do it at all.

But as if the whole thousand-day-anniversary thing weren't crazy enough, I have still more reason to believe that there is divine intervention and inspiration behind the proposal. Rewind to early Saturday morning - At a little past 4:00AM, I found myself wide awake from a dream. Normally, I'm not half as conscious during such an ungodly hour, even when waking up early for my favorite car shows. While lying in bed trying to fall back asleep, a piano melody appeared in my head. I brushed it off, knowing from past experience that anything that sounds good to me at 4:00AM is not going to sound good when I actually wake up. But the tune became increasingly clear, until I dragged myself up and made a rough recording of it so that it wouldn't be forgotten. Back in bed, the same thing happened again, this time with a lively orchestral riff. Once again, I got up and recorded it. Then I returned to bed and fell back asleep. When I woke up, I listened to the recordings, which actually didn't sound any worse than they did at 4:00AM, and concluded that the final proposal soundtrack will consist of three parts - the piano melody at the beginning (while viewing pictures), the orchestral riff at the end (while celebrating after the proposal), and another orchestral tune I previously wrote (and considered using for the wedding) in the middle during the actual proposal. That's how it all began. Seriously, I can't make this up if I tried.

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that each tune suits its corresponding moment perfectly. With a clear structure in mind and all the melodies already composed, I'm more determined than ever before to spend the time and energy necessary to turn the idea of an original proposal soundtrack into reality. It doesn't bother me that Tiffany (along with most of the other people at the barbecue) probably won't even know at the moment that I made the music myself. I'm not doing it to show off or impress people, but simply to pour out my heart into this once-in-a-lifetime event. And I know that if I can succeed in this challenge, then I can feel confident deep inside that I have truly done my best.

08/10: Califfany Proposal Part 1 - Introduction

In the journey of life, every man faces his share of life-changing and nerve-wrecking decisions. When Tiffany and I first began dating over two and a half years ago, I knew that it would not only require me to make many changes in my lifestyle, but also kick off an adventure that would eventually lead to a decision of whether or not to make a lifelong commitment to each other. I've always known that, at some point in my life, I would have to figure out a way (and work up the guts) to ask a girl for her hand in marriage. But even while dating, I often placed it in the "I'll-worry-about-it-when-I'm-older-and-the-time-actually-comes" category.

When it comes to relationships, our desires, expectations, and concerns are often shaped by examples set by those around us who have walked ahead of us. And from the guy's perspective, that only served to add pressure to my desire to make my proposal to Tiffany a special one while being realistic with what I'm actually capable of. The only thing I'd really asked Tiffany about what she expected in a proposal was whether she preferred it to be public or private. As an extrovert, she chose the former. And that made my life both easier and harder. I was spared the trouble of figure out an ultra-romantic one-on-one mountaintop experience in which to present the ring. But I still had to figure out a way to get a bunch of people together in an occasion worthy of popping the question in. Thankfully, throughout the course of dating, most of our friends have become mutual friends, and both of our families have been incredibly supportive of our relationship. Still, at the end, I have the final call on when and how the event will take place, and no matter what, it will take a lot of work, a lot of courage, and a lot of faith.

The truth is that Tiffany and I have been talking about marriage for over a year already. Since then, there have been times when she felt more ready than I did, and there have also been times when I felt more ready than she did. But because of various other important commitments and obligations that came up, we agreed to wait. Looking back now, I'm very confident that those things were God-given opportunities to help us grow, leaving me assured that while I may never have a clean-cut answer to the question of when I'm truly ready for marriage, God is in complete control. And as summer came closer, I became more and more certain that, before the season ended, I had to work up the confidence to pop the big question.

Given Tiffany's desire for a public proposal, it wasn't too hard to point to the annual barbecue party that I host each summer as a suitable candidate. In early June, the realization that there were (and still are) several major life-changing decisions awaiting me in the near future prompted me to begin eagerly seeking God's will, putting Him as my number one priority rather than only looking to Him for answers to my questions. I believe that change in attitude was what led to much of the wisdom I needed to figure out when and how to propose to Tiffany and will continue to guide me throughout the planning process.

From the beginning, I knew that if I were to propose at a backyard barbecue party, it had better be an incredibly good proposal. After all, what girl wants to be caught in a conversation with friends about how each of them received their rings, only to realize that, rather than going to an exotic, expensive, or romantic destination, her boyfriend was the only one who chickened out and settled for his own backyard? There was definitely a lot of potential in the idea, but if not done right, it could easily be a huge failure. I tend to be very frugal, often overly so, when it comes to spending money, time, energy, and other resources. But when it comes to planning events and hosting gatherings, I always refuse to leave people disappointed. And when it came to turning an already successful annual tradition into probably the most important party I've ever hosted, I knew that failure was simply not an option.

My original idea was to have the big barbecue party in mid-July, but the need for more time to prepare, plan, and accomodate the schedules of crucial people prompted me to push it a month later. Tiffany's birthday is on August 6, and she had already mentioned to me that this year she would like to celebrate with a house party rather than going out to eat like we did for past birthdays. I wanted to avoid the idea of trying to hit two birds with one stone by overshadowing her birthday celebration with an engagement ring, and because hosting two parties back to back would simply be way too exhausting, I swallowed my desire to suggest having her birthday party at my house.

All that changed during Independence Day weekend. Tiffany and I had just returned from our church's retreat in San Diego, during which I spent much of our free time alone thinking of creative backyard proposal ideas without much luck. During a casual Sunday dinner conversation with Mom and Carol, it occured to me that, as long as I do my part in celebrating Tiffany's birthday with her, combining her party with the barbecue will not only prompt more people to celebrate with her, but also give me more creative ways to lead into the proposal. I immediately called Ken, who always plays a crucial role in our barbecue parties as both a supportive friend and a master grill chef, and he saw potential in the idea too. In the next few days, I spoke with Tiffany's mom secretly and confirmed that she is available on August 2, the Saturday before Tiffany's birthday, and that her dad will be able to come back in time from his trip in Asia. I also confirmed with a few of her closest friends that they will be available.

Given my tendency to procrastinate and put things off, sometimes even by saying I'm seeking direction from God when I'm really just doing nothing, it was a good thing that I gave myself a kick in the butt by contacting Tiffany's parents. After all, with her dad flying back from overseas earlier than planned just to catch the proposal, any further delay will only give the engagement a rocky start with her side of the family. I know that planning the proposal, as well as much of engagement/marriage itself, is like a little bird learning how to fly; no matter how much it practices flapping its wings and plans what to do in the air, nothing will really make sense until it actually hops off the ledge to take flight. And with the date of the proposal now set, the flight has officially begun.

08/05: I usually never go almost a month without a single journal update. But I granted myself an exception, given that these past several weeks have been one of the busiest periods of time in my life, with countless hours dedicated to planning and preparing a celebration for a one-word answer from Tiffany to one of the most important questions I have ever asked her - "Will you marry me?"

07/07: It was definitely a strange (and slightly depressing) feeling waking up this morning in my own bed and realizing that it was time to resume my daily office life after a three-day weekend during which my only obligations were to love the many amazing brothers and sisters God placed in my life. Unlike most retreats I've been to, the FECSGV all-church retreat this past weekend didn't take place high up in a mountain, deep in a forest, or in some other location far away from city life. To be honest, I often frown upon these more "civilized" retreats, since they don't offer the precious opportunity of "retreating" from the conveniences of daily life that I crave. But as I've learned in the past, sometimes it's a good thing to go to a retreat without any predetermined expectations and simply allow God to work freely. And while I don't feel like my whole life has been changed, I definitely find myself renewed, refreshed, and rejuvenated at a point time in my life when I desperately need it.

Tiffany and I took advantage of having to drive down to San Diego by heading out in the morning and enjoying a delicious brunch at The Cottage in La Jolla, followed by a relaxing walk to the beach. The sunshine, which back at home would have been considered overbearingly warm, was perfectly complemented by the lovely ocean breeze. We then arrived at the majestic University of San Diego, which looks like a giant fortress built on top of a hill, and met with all the other FECSGV campers that gradually arrived - English, Mandarin, Cantonese, youth, children, and all.

Our speaker, Pastor Richard Katekawa, used several example from the Bible to show us the importance of discipleship. During one of our small group discussion times, we acknowledged how easy it is for those serving at church to focus too much on programs and not enough on people. In fact, there were some situations at the retreat that brought sharp disagreement between people in different congregations. Thankfully, those in charge were able to hold back personal frustration and confront each other with wisdom to work things out. It served as a great reminder that despite the different age groups and languages represented in FECSGV, in the end we are still one family. Through my interactions with different people at the retreat, I've come to have a deeper appreciation for this family that God placed me in. Remembering the journey that led me to FECSGV, I find a renewed desire for unity, strength to serve more effectively, joy of belonging to the family, and sense of responsibilty to play my role in the Body of Christ.

As for the overall experience of these past few days, I'll begin with the problems and work my way up from there. The campus is huge by retreat standards, and involves more slopes and stairs than we enjoy. Getting food often required a ridiculously long wait (I simply gave up waiting for dinner on Friday and ended up sharing some pizza with Tiffany). Because we were free to eat any time during the restaurant hours, there was not a lot of organized bonding time. And given how our meeting place and the apartment complex where we lived were literally at opposite ends of the campus, it was very difficult to find people. I guess that's partly my fault, though, since I always choose to leave my cell phone off at retreats simply to avoid distractions.

But behind each of these problems there were also blessings. Despite the long wait for food, there was a huge selection with plenty of customizable options, and everything I tried left me satisfied. Knowing that our church was coming, the staff even opened a second station for Asian food, which was actually good even by Asian standards. And because our meal cards were all pre-paid as part of our retreat registration, many of us got to enjoy the thrill of having extra money to burn in the snack shop before going home. As for the long time it took to travel across the campus, many people chose to drive. (Unlike most schools I've visited, parking was actually a simple task!) And for those who are elderly or have equipment to carry, it's very understandable. Personally, I chose to let my car rest, simply because driving felt too "un-retreat-like". I was able to catch a ride on a few occasions, mostly because people I was with all hopped in. And while I really appreciated the drivers' generosity, I always found myself disappointed, like there was a deep and passionate desire forcefully confined and left unfulfilled, especially at night when the heat had gone away and the breeze desperately begged for adventure.

It didn't take me long to figure out why. Deep inside, a fire had been reignited - the flame that had burned insatiably throughout my years at UCLA and the many visits that followed. It was the first night of our retreat - the first night of Freshmen Orientation. I had just moved in and found out who my roommates were, and there was a huge campus out there, full of opportunities to seize, waiting to be explored. There was only one thing I could do. I pulled out my handy little scooter (which I have almost always kept in my car since I graduated) and hopped on for a joyride.

And what great joy it was! Yes, I know, it's just a stupid scooter. But with the combination of speed, wind in my face, the mystery of an unfamiliar campus under the nighttime sky, and all the memories flying through my head, the scooter suddenly transformed into a mighty dragon, carrying me as we soared together, accompanied by glorious cinematic soundtracks playing all around us. I felt invincible, and I had to fight hard to resist the temptation to do anything that would land me a trip to the emergency room. (I couldn't help but remember that even Super Mario, when blessed with a star, was susceptible to death by falling off cliffs.)

Between the outbursts of energy, I stopped to pray, reflect, say hi to those I crossed paths with, and enjoy the beautiful nighttime view of the campus. Just like during my UCLA days, great thrill combined with great peace resulted in an indescribably great joy. All I wanted to do was explore, enjoy, and make the most out of every moment until I was too tired to do so.

It was that attitude that made my time in college so fulfilling. Several years have passed, and many of my priorities, desires, and needs have changed. But looking back now, I see how, by God's grace, each struggle has helped me grow stronger, and it is through those struggles that I can now fly higher, faster, and farther than I did before. God is the same as he was then, and no matter how many struggles await me in the near future, I must remember that every moment is a gift from God, given to me for a purpose, and strive to make the most out of it.