March - April, 2015

04/30: As hard as it is to believe, one-third of 2015 has already passed. I knew before the year began that it would be a challenging one, and that I had put myself in a very vulnerable position. I believe that because God is sovereign, all things, whether good or bad, happen only because He allows them to, which means that if I'm willing to have faith and seek Him, I will eventually discover that good things can come out of even the most hopeless situations. With that in mind, I know I should set my eyes forward rather than backward, finding hope in the present and future rather than wishing to change the past.

It would be a lie, though, for me to say that I'm entirely free from being enslaved by the past. Through the series of events that began taking place at the end of January, my life was changed in far too many ways than I felt ready for, whether financially, emotionally, or spiritually. My failure to stay on guard during this period of vulnerability led to the shattering of my once-positive attitude toward many things, including my faith, my ministries, my future, my free time, and my overall attitude toward day-to-day life. To be honest, even now, I don't think I'm fully back on my feet. For months, I haven't been able to come anywhere close to the optimistic productivity I had at the beginning of the year. And even when I feel ready for battle, the realization that I've done so many dumb things that resulted in so many consequences often knocks me right back down.

Yes, things have generally gotten better as the weeks progressed. But given how far I feel like I am from where I should be, something must be wrong. God doesn't give me so many hours of free time every day so I can sit around wasting them away. But why don't I have the strength to do better? I'll take one educated guess and say that I'm probably being too dependent on myself rather than on God. If I turn to the things immediately in front of me for security, then my emotions will only fluctuate up and down as things come and go and situations change uncontrollably. But if I find my security in God, then I can rest assured that He is unchanging and in complete control.

At this point, the future to me is still just a huge empty directionless space. And somewhere in that space, all the different pieces of the puzzle - marriage, family, housing, career, church, God, money, music, and so much more - are supposed to fit together. With all this craziness on my shoulders, I see myself riding the current that leads to the worst possible outcome of my initial leap of faith - complacency. God is still in control, and that means I have a reason to swim against the current and get back on solid ground. Something needs to change, and I'm sure there's no better way to start than to return to the very roots and acknowledge Him as the center and foundation of my life. The truth is that, throughout these past several months, God has given me enough reasons amidst the disappointments to believe that I'm truly blessed, just as He performed miracles for the Israelites not so that they would idolize the miracles, but so that they would remain focused on Him.

With all that in mind, it's time to take some action. God knows the extent of my tolerance for temptation, and when the right lessons have been learned, surely He will open my eyes to see where to go next. I hope and pray that I will continue walking faithfully one step at a time, knowing that He will never leave me or forsake me.





04/06: The big day is less than three and a half months away, and so far, the wedding planning process has been a good combination of excitement and frustration. I don't regret my decision to take on the bulk of the planning process (rather than pay someone to do it all), but I admit it's a lot more difficult than I had expected.

The problem is that I tend to be far too idealistic. And when it comes to getting things done efficiently, I'd much rather detach my emotions and treat everyone/everything like robots programmed to do exactly what they're supposed to do in the specified time. Of course, as humans, we all make mistakes, and it's crucial to accept that truth when working with other people. But it's way too easy for me to slip into the trap of clinging onto other people's shortcomings and letting them affect my attitude negatively. It drives me crazy to have to remind people over and over again to do things or repeat the same instructions a million times when it should have made perfect sense at the time they initially said "OK". (That's a huge part of the reason I don't see a future for myself in the freight forwaridng industry). And when it comes to the wedding, I can only hope and pray that everyone will do their part and everything will work out in God's perfect timing.

The truth is that a lot has been accomplished already - We've secured most of our vendors, and some of the little details are starting to fall into place as well. (As a more detail-oriented person, those are the things I look forward to most about wedding planning). I must remember to focus on the half of the glass that's full rather than the half that's empty. Most importantly, I must remember that our wedding is ultimately an act of worship to God, which means everything we do now in preparation for it must be done with that same attitude of worship.

This year's BSF study on the Life of Moses has taught Tiffany and I both a great deal about all those Old Testament laws and sacrifices that many Bible readers tend to dismiss as irrelevant. Most of Moses' writing wasn't focused on the actual moments when animals were burnt on the altar, but rather on the meticulous preparations that took place beforehand, which God instructed the people to follow completely. The heart of the sacrifice is ultimately not the animal, but rather an attitude of obedience.

Tiffany and I have no doubt that we want our wedding to be glorifying to God. But during the long process of planning and preparing, it's often easy to get too caught up in the small things and lose sight of the big picture. I often find myself getting impatient or complaining about things not going as I want them to. But if we want our wedding to be pleasing to God, then that means that right now, every aspect of the planning process, including the way we make decisions, the way we communicate with people, and the way we handle frustrating situations, must be approached with the intention of pleasing Him.

Easter weekend has served as a great reminder of what God has done for us through the cross. And was it not through seeking Him first that Tiffany and I came to cross paths with each other? It's way too easy amidst all the wedding preparations to treat each other more like business partners than as significant others, and we must always make en effort to remember that our marriage itself is far more important that the wedding day itself. There's still a lot to get done, but I'm sure the more things start coming together, the more excited we'll both be for our big day.





03/20: I realized that I didn't write a Valentine's Day journal entry like I do pretty much every year. Sure, life has been a little on the crazy side. But given that Tiffany and I are getting closer and closer to being married, it only makes sense to take a little time to think about this ever-so-puzzling topic of love.

One thing I've been learning a lot recently is that love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13, is not self-seeking. It may seem like a pretty simple concept, but I often find myself shocked at how often I fail to demonstrate understanding of that concept in my relationship with Tiffany. Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that she is a teammate rather than a competitor.

Let's be honest - We humans are a very sly species. Even while doing good things and caring for other people, we often find it hard to not throw in a selfish motive or two, sometimes even without realizing it. Deep down inside, many of us experience a constant sense of competition, a desire to be better than others. We may not intentionally try to hurt those around us, but we want to be better than them - get better grades, look more attractive, drive a fancier car, own the latest gadgets before they do, and make our points crystal clear when we're right about something and they're wrong. Some seem to always be willing to submit to others' opinions and requests, but they are still competitive in desiring social acceptance. The very idea of being teammates can be hard to fully understand; in just about every case, whether it's business, sports, or even friendships, being a team ultimately still involves some degree of selfish ambition. But that only makes it more clear why even the apostle Paul describes marriage as "a profound mystery" (Ephesians 5); whether referring to a husband and a wife or Christ and the church, the idea of becoming "one flesh" requires throwing out some of our most common tendencies and replacing them with a completely new way of thinking.

For Tiffany and I, being in a committed relationship has always meant that we must accept each other the way we are - imperfect humans in need of a Savior. Yes, there are ways that we need to grow individually, and there are definitely things we would like to change about each other. But those things should never overshadow love - a reflection of the selfless love God first showed us. In marriage, we will become one. It is pointless for one body part to prove itself better than another part of the same body. In the same way, it is useless (and detrimental) for me to want to elevate myself above Tiffany.

We both struggle often with the concept of "speaking the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). It's very easy to find ourselves in one of two extremes - either avoiding the truth for the sake of keeping peace or speaking the truth with a desire to prove who's right and who's wrong. We recently talking about how tempting it is to end a conversation with, "I told you so!" It might make me feel good at the moment to rub in her face one more time that I was right all along, but by that point she would have already reached that conclusion, and the only reason I would say this words is that I'm still thinking of her as a competitor rather than a teammate. And when one body part hurts another part of the same body, the entire body ultimately suffers.

When it comes to opposite-gender relationships, it's only natural for people to try to make themselves stand out to attract others, and to an extent that's not necessarily a bad thing. (Even animals do that!) But now that Tiffany and I are committed to making our marriage vows to God and to each other, we must often ask ourselves, "who are we trying to impress?" I'm definitely not saying that we should stop making effort to work hard or look good. But we're not doing those things to gain or earn each other's love, which has already been promised to each other. Instead, we do those things as expressions of love, in the same way people buy gifts for each other or speak loving words to each other. We will inevitably hurt each other sometimes as imperfect people, but we can find great comfort in the fact that our love for each other models God's love for us - undeserved but freely given.

It would be of no benefit for Tiffany and I to try to prove who earns more money, who is smarter, who reads the Bible more, or who's the better cook. The truth is that at the end of the day, we're both imperfect, and I would be as incomplete without her as she would be without me. We will always need to remember to apologize, forgive, communicate, and work through disagreements and conflicts together with humility and wisdom. We are a team, and that means that anything I do to hurt her will ultimately hurt myself too. Marriage is a great mystery, but it is also greatly rewarding; as Tiffany and I have already experienced in our commitment-based relationship, the realization that we see each other as equal and trust in a God who enables us to love one another freely as He first loved us allows us to not only experience great joy, but also become stronger and capable of more than we were as individuals. We know that even with all that we have invested in preparing for marriage, there will be plenty of challenges and blessings that we won't fully understand until we actually get there. And it is my hope and prayer that we will always remember to work as a team led by the God whose love is forever unchanging.





03/11: At last, it's time for the big epic long-overdue picture update - over 500 pictures in 30 categories. I'm a little ashamed to say this, but there's stuff all the way from last June that I didn't upload until now - birthday parties, dinner dates, holiday gatherings, retreats, and all kinds of other fun times. And yes, the pictures from my proposal to Tiffany are included too. Finally, I'm 100% caught up with pictures, even including the ones from just this past week. Now on with wedding planning...





03/08: People often ask me what my dream car is. In response, I would always ask them how many cars I could have, then come up with a suitable answer. If money and space weren't issues, I (like most car enthusiasts) could daydream all day about exotic supercars, ultra-luxury land yachts, timeless classics, and all kinds of customized attention-grabbing rides. But when it comes to having only one car, I often surprise my car enthusiast friends with my down-to-earth practicality. As much fun as it can be to show off, I'd rather have something that blends in. As exciting as it can be to own a sports car, even an inexpensive one, I'd much rather have something more efficient and spacious. And as ego-boosting as it can be to own something of a luxury brand, I'd much rather save the extra money for things more beneficial in the long run. Still, as a car enthusiast, I view cars as works of art, visual and technological masterpieces, and when it comes to shopping for a new car, I make sure to find something that not only fits my personal priorities and is within my budget, but also satisfies the emotional aspect of automotive ownership. Recently I've been in the market for a new car, and after several weeks of browsing, brainstorming, and researching, I've finally made my decision.


Meet the 2015 Hyundai Sonata Sport. Sure, it's not a sports car or a luxury car. But it's really just about everything I want it to be. Just a year or two ago, I was still very adamant about having a two-door car for beauty's sake. But I've come to see that for a daily driver, a four-door can look just as good. And given that I plan on keeping the car at least long enough to get my money's worth, the added practicality is definitely more suitable for the life I see myself living in the next five to ten years.

Choosing a new car isn't just about selecting a make and model and finding a good price, but also picking the right color, trim, and options. To me, the perfect formula is to start with a clean shape and a design that doesn't try too hard to stand out, then top it off with the right specs, all while considering necessary concerns like price, efficiency, and reliability. By the time I narrowed my choices down to just a couple makes and models, I knew just how I would configure my ideal Sonata. And thankfully, I was able to find one exactly the way I wanted.

When it comes to "everyday" cars like this, neutral colors are often the most effective. As I've learned from my previous car, you can't go wrong with black; it's classy and makes just about any car age more slowly. The Sport trim adds a gorgeous set of two-tone alloy wheels and some premium features within a reasonable price range. The Premium Package for the Sport trim, which adds a few exterior touches and numerous interior features, is a $1,700 option that seems like it's worth twice as much. It's amazing how much of a difference the right amount of chrome can make over the black paint. If I didn't know cars and brand names, I would have believed you if you told me this was a Lexus.

As for the interior, the car has a great mix of comfort and technological features, thanks largely to the Premium Package, which covers much of the interior in leather. The cloth seat inserts and non-leather parts of the door and dash actually help keep the overall feel from being too dark and serious. I especially like the added safety features, namely blind spot detection and rear cross-traffic alert. The little "welcome lights" on the door handles are an excellent touch too, as well as the push-button start and self-popping trunk. As for any further technological upgrades (at additional costs), I figured it would make more sense to simply invest in a Smartphone.

There were two things that sealed the deal for me on this Sonata - an incredible price (thanks to Bob) and Hyundai's unbeatable warranty. Norm Reeves Hyundai in Cerritos was the only place that had a car in this exact configuration, and I'm glad to say I had a great experience working with them on this purchase (Thanks again Vito!). Having owned and driven the car for a couple days now, I don't find myself with any regrets. Despite having only a 185-hp Inline-4, it feels potent whether accelerating on a hill or cruising at highway speeds. (The highest two trim levels come with 245-hp turbos, but the additional five to ten grand would push the price well beyond what I'm willing to spend for a non-luxury midsize sedan.) The added safety features provide an extra layer of protection while still requiring me to take full responsibility of driving. The only problem I see so far is that because the car is much quieter and smoother than my old car, I'll have to be extra careful to not accidentally end up with a speeding ticket.

There's one question I know I'll be asked a lot when it comes to this car - Why Hyundai? Or more generally, why buy Korean instead of playing safe and going Japanese? If you told me fifteen years ago that I would eventually consider buying a Hyundai, I would have thought you had to many shots of soju. Remember the days when Korean cars in the U.S. were the cheapest new cars on the market? (A new 1999 Daewoo was under $9,000!) Today, those cars are almost impossible to find on the road, simply because they've all broken down beyond repair. But now, the success of Korean automakers in the U.S. is one of the best underdog stories in modern automotive history. The perception of Korean cars as cheap and unreliable is almost completely gone. In fact, Hyundai and Kia have ventured into almost every major segment, including luxury and performance cars. I rented a sixth-generation Sonata Hybrid once, and thought it was a great car both inside and out. The current (seventh-generation) Sonata, new for 2015, leans more on the conservative side, but looks much more refined and upscale. Complete with an incredible factory warranty, I see no reason to shy away.

In fact, there's one more thing I'm coming to love more and more about having a new Hyundai - unlike car companies that have been in the U.S. for much longer, Korean cars are still more or less neutral when it comes to stereotypes. Let's be honest here - Enthusiast models aside, most German cars are associated with rich snobs, most Japanese cars are for people who have as much emotional connection to their cars as they do to their refrigerators, and most American cars are still working hard to wipe out bankruptcy-related memories. But Korean cars? As of now, they're really just part of a rapidly growing market that is not only established well enough to be worth a purchase, but also capable of much more growth. The 2015 Sonata is really just, well, a car, the way it's supposed to be. It's not assumed to be boring or exciting, unreliable or durable, cheap or upscale. So far, I've only seen a handful of these new cars on the road. But I believe that in the near future, they will be all over the place. After all, the sixth-generation car was already very popular. Other than the inevitable desire to avoid causing any damage to the new car, it allows me to feel like I'm being myself, while still leaving me plenty of room to grow into it.

As with every car I've owned, only time will tell what exciting journeys we will enjoy together over the years. I hope and pray that I may be a good and responsible driver and owner. In fact, I'm excited to know that, because there aren't many of these cars on the road yet and many people probably don't know what it is, I have the honor of making an important contribution to the way people perceive them and stereotype their owners. As far as I can see, this Sonata will be with me through the many important changes and stages in life that I will face in the next several years. And I look forward to enjoying many memorable miles together.





03/05: I stumbled upon this while shopping online for a new car and couldn't help but do a double take-


It's 2015, and a new midsize sedan doesn't come standard with a clock? Last time I checked, most auto manufacturers and dealers are trying their best to cater to an increasingly technology-focused customer base. But apparently this dealer thinks it can do better selling cars to Neanderthals, marketing the clock as an added option. Does the car at least come standard with a sundial? Or maybe an abacus to keep track of mileage? Come on, guys, even a Tata comes with a friggin' clock. Sure, most people probably won't pay so much attention to minute details on the listing or care to give them a second glance. But why risk the chance of leaving customers ticked? This is just my humble opinion - Perhaps they should consider taking some action to, um, get with the times.





03/02: Unbelievable, just unbelievable. I can't imagine things being any more bizarre than this, but I also can't be any happier. I was wrong in so many ways about so many things, but for once, being wrong is such a wonderful thing. Ginger is still alive. He's been alive all this time, and on Saturday night - over a month after his disappearance - he was happily reunited with our family, just in time for Mom's birthday.


Long story short, on Saturday Carol and Brandon stumbled across signs with information that led to Ginger's whereabouts. He had wandered out of our neighborhood the morning he disappeared and was soon picked up by someone who took him home and cared for him before sending him to another caretaker. It turned out he really did travel much farther than we thought was possible - all the way out to Northridge. But he neither wandered helplessly in the rain nor spent a single night alone. In fact, he has been very well cared for and seems even healthier and more energetic now than he originally did.

It really blows our minds to know that someone we had believed to be dead is suddenly back with us, and that weeks after we gave up all hope of searching for him, he would suddenly be found. To be honest, even after coming to terms with the knowledge that Ginger would never be coming back, I was often tempted to continue checking in with animal shelters or going out to search. But I had to swallow those desires, knowing that the only way to fully accept and face the difficult truth was to not turn back and be trapped in the past. And now, every time I turn around and see Ginger, it's like witnessing a new miracle all over again. And what about all that stuff about him purposely choosing to run away to die? Let's just say that we were all totally wrong, and we're so glad to be wrong.

At least that's the way it is now. Even amidst all the celebration, we can't deny the reality that Ginger is still a very old and weak dog, and sooner or later he will reach the end of his road. And we continue to hope and pray that when that day comes, he will go in a most peaceful and painless way. But in the mean time, through everything that has happened, we've come to not only love him more, but also value and appreciate each other more. And I hope the lessons we learned and the experiences we gained will continue to impact our family as we once again embrace Ginger as part of our home.


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