06/03: It has already been a few weeks since I started working as an L.A. City management assistant. I've more or less readjusted to the lifestyle of a full-time office employee already, and each day serves as a reminder of how blessed I really am. The more I familiarize myself with the job, the more I can see why God placed me in this particular position rather than any of the other ones I applied or interviewed for.

When I was first offered this job, the only thing that made me slightly hesitant to accept it was that it would be a little farther from home than I had hoped. But now that I'm used to it, it's really not that bad. I had planned all along to take advantage of the Metro rail system, especially with a new station within walking distance from home that just opened a few months ago. I still drive to the station anyway, since it allows me to enjoy a few extra minutes of precious sleep every morning. But it's still great to realize that I now walk farther on a daily basis than I drive, and that if I were to use my car only for work, than my visits to the gas station would be even less frequent than oil changes. The truth is that I actually really enjoy driving, especially since it gives me the option of going faster or slower as time permits and taking different paths as I desire. But given the increasing number of morons on the road these days, not to mention the insanity of L.A. rush hour traffic, I'll gladly choose to stand inside a crowded Metro train and save myself the stress and gas money.

It also helps that I was able to get my ideal work schedule - a 9/80 schedule from 8:00 to 5:30 with every other Friday off. Sure, working nine hours a day can be a little exhausting. But it's really not that different from working eight hours a day. (People at my old job often worked nine hours a day on a regular basis anyway, and didn't even get paid extra for it.) I don't have to wake up ridiculously early, and I still get to enjoy time with Tiffany every night. The best part of it all? Every other week, I get to not only save two and a half hours of commute time, but also enjoy an entire day to relax. That, plus the dozen or so regular holidays scattered throughout the year, means my work schedule will really never become too routine.

As for the job itself, I honestly didn't know what I would be doing until I actually showed up at the office. It turns out much of my work is surprisingly similar to what I did at my old job, both on a conceptual level and on a practical level. Of course, there's still a lot for me to learn in order to do everything I'm expected to do. That's why I must approach each day with a humble and teachable attitude, knowing that there's always more room for me to learn and grow. Coming from my old job, I guess it's not surprising that I find the overall pace extremely slow. Sometimes I actually wish I can have more work to do or more opportunities to learn quickly. I'm sure my workload will increase over time. But for now, the mostly relaxed work environment has served as somewhat of an emotional catharsis in many ways. Throughout the past several years of my old job, which in many ways represents a typical small business environment, and the months leading up to this new job, many less-than-beneficial mentalities have been ingrained into me. Now, it's time to start letting them go.

Unlike many small business that must do whatever it takes to be profitable and competitive, my new work environment makes it clear that it values employees' well-being as individuals no less than it values our well-being as responsible workers, and that it clearly has the means of doing so. Having an organized large-scale structure means that I know our holidays well in advance and don't have to feel guilty for asking just so I can rightfully make plans ahead of time. Because we are not dictated by the needs of customers in different time zones across the world, stepping out of the office actually means putting my entire work life aside until the next morning. We get to choose our work schedules to fit the needs of our families. Oh, and rather than having to stay in the office until each day's work is entirely done, it's now a requirement for me to end the day on time to avoid cheating the overtime policy.

Honestly speaking, I'm a hard worker who doesn't mind putting in additional time or effort for the good of the company when there's a need to do so. All of my students from my tutoring days, along with their parents, can testify that I never steal a second from the time I'm being paid for and that I often stay past the hour without asking for additional compensation. But in the past several years of office work, there have been way too many times when I, along with other employees, was expected to stay late (without pay) simply because managers didn't promptly hand out assignments that could have been assigned well ahead of time. There have also been way too many times when the lack of proper management and planning repeatedly caused employees far more stress than necessary. As a result, I learned that the only way to survive at work was to focus not on helping others, but rather on protecting myself and avoiding situations where I could be hurt.

Sometimes, certain situations at my current job still cause me to cringe upon triggering emotions similar to those I once had to battle against. But slowly I'm learning to let go, knowing that things are very different now. While these things may make it seem like this new job is simply an escape from past struggles, the truth is that, just like with my old job, I'm here not for the perks, but to do my best as an employee working for God's glory. Besides, I waited so long for this job and turned down several other opportunities along the way because it offers more potential long-term growth than my old job or any of those other opportunities. I'm thankful for all the challenges I had to face at my old job - even seemingly unreasonable ones - because they have all contributed to helping me become who I am today. But now that there is a proper foundation on which I can build both my personal life and my work life without either one stepping too far into the boundaries of the other, I can slowly let go of the tense and restless attitude that once characterized my work life (and often affected my personal life as well). Plus, as I continue to do my best each day at work, I can finally rest assured that, at last, I have a full-time income that can allow Tiffany and I to cover our expenses, enjoy life a little more, and start planning for the future.

05/30: When I first decided to leave the freight forwarding industry, I had no idea where I was headed. I knew that I was passionate for music (and both educated and experienced in the field) but was not capable of or ready to turn music into my primary source of income. My personality strengths and weaknesses had been made very clear through the years I spent in the office, but they weren't able to give me a clear direction. All I knew was that I was in the wrong place, desperate to find a better place, and unsure of how to even begin.

I realized that I was a lot weaker than I had thought. Sure, I had, in the past, spent a summer working in a warehouse, become quite successful as a private academic tutor, and been blessed with a stable office job that gave me work experience I otherwise couldn't have obtained. But all of those blessings had one thing in common - they directly stemmed from church or family connections that allowed me to bypass the standard procedures of getting a job. Occasionally, I had written resumes and submitted online job applications on my own. But none of those attempts had led to any success. I didn't doubt that each job opportunity I had was a precious gift from God. But the truth was that, unlike most people my age, I didn't know how to write a good resume or present myself in an interview at all. Growing up in a family that played prominent roles in our church, I was socially inept without my mom and the connections she had helped us form. Plus, I had a college degree that was practically useless in the working world. I really had absolutely no idea how to navigate through the real world. And that realization left me frightened.

During that time, Tiffany and I attended pre-marital counseling, and I told our counselor everything I was struggling with, including challenges I faced in the past and concerns I had about the future. While she couldn't magically point me to a perfect career path, we managed to shape a direction in which I would pray. I prayed specifically for three things. First, I prayed for a job that I would obtain without getting direct help from family and church connections and bypassing the standard steps necessary to obtain it. Second, I prayed for a job that would allow me to grow in the areas of weakness I was unable to improve in during my previous employment. Lastly, I prayed for a job that would recognize my strengths and allow them to be exercised in beneficial ways. Sure, these things - especially the first point - seemed to make the quest for a career path much more difficult, if not completely impossible. But my concern was not the same as it was in the past when I looked for jobs. As a man about to be married and learning to be independent, my goal wasn't to find a job just for the sake of being employed, but rather to grow through the challenges of the journey and focus on long-term goals that will benefit not only my own life, but also my marriage.

It was around late March last year that I heard about an open examination that could lead to a job with the city of Los Angeles as a management assistant - a position that simply required a four-year college degree, regardless of major. I had found a few other random job openings as well, each of which I had an acceptable level of qualifications for, and while none of the jobs seemed particularly glamorous or exciting, I figured there was no harm in submitting my applications first. As the next few months passed, I became so consumed by preparing and planning for my wedding (while continuing to work part-time as a freight forwarder) that I made no additional effort to find a new job. As with my past attempts in finding a job on my own, my job applications didn't get my anywhere - except the city exam one. In June, I was selected to take the management assistant written exam, which, given my years of experience tutoring students to take exams, really wasn't all that difficult. My weakness, however, was in interviews. The next phase of the city application process was a qualifying interview, which took place in August. I did my best to prepare ahead of time, but was still nervous, and I left the interview thinking that while it wasn't particularly bad, I definitely could have done better.

Given that the interview would be the primary factor for determining my overall ranking in the city's candidate database, I was quite surprised that I ended up with a good score. By then, I was already married and living with Tiffany independently from our parents. While I was still rightfully concerned about figuring out my career path, I had already concluded that when it came to a stable professional career with long-term potential that could fit my qualifications, the city jobs were my only option. Several of our friends had informed me of other job openings and even offered to recommend me to the hiring managers, and those offers were undoubtedly tempting. But I turned them down. I knew that I had to stay focused on long-term goals and not settle with a job that would ultimately lead me to the same place I was already struggling to get out of. Besides, God had already led me so far into the process of the city job application that I had no reason to give up.

In October, I was asked to fill out the final paperwork required to secure my spot in the city's database for potential employees. Within a week, I began receiving notifications of job openings from various city departments. I responded to one opening after another, providing whatever information the email asked for, whether it was an application form, a resume, or an essay sample. I knew that at that point, the next step would be to wait for interview opportunities from the specific departments, then hope to be offered a job.

It wasn't all that easy, though. Most of the applications resulted in an email saying they had received too many applicants and that I didn't get selected for an interview. It wasn't until late January - after filling out over half a dozen applications - that I was offered my first interview. Of course, I jumped at the opportunity. A few other interviews followed, and I gladly embraced those as well. By then, I was fully convinced that it was right for me to focus all my career-related energy on getting a city job. Despite originally applying nonchalantly, I came to see many reasons that a city management assistant job would be perfect for me. The combination of my college degree (even as a music major) and my office work experience made me suitable for the overall requirements of this position. Just about everyone who knows me well will agree that my personality strengths and weaknesses make me suitable for working in a large business setting with clear organization and structure. Additionally, this position would allow me to gain precious experience in an environment that promotes and paves the way for career advancement. Of all the other career options I had considered, nothing came anywhere close to being such a good match.

However, none of those first few city interviews turned out favorably. Looking back now, I'm not all that surprised at the negative outcomes. With a slightly better understanding of how city employment works now, I can see that most of those particular positions favored experience that I did not have. (Since management assistant positions represent a very diverse spectrum of job descriptions, each position I applied for was unique.) But I kept on trying, and despite the long wait, I had good reasons to be optimistic. First, given my good ranking and the city's constant need for new entry-level employees, it shouldn't be long before most of the people ranked above me received job offers and stopped interviewing. Also, given the long process of applying for a city job, most people in need of an income would probably have found other jobs already. It really made me thankful for having a boss that would allow me to continue working part-time until a new job was ready for me.

All together, I went to six city job interviews (not including the original qualifying interview), stemming from over 30 applications. Some left me feeling more confident than others, but I viewed each interview as an opportunity to improve in presenting myself in a professional setting. Through preparing for these interviews, I became not only more confident in my job-related skills and experiences, but also more aware of how much God has blessed me by intricately planning each stage of my life to give me those skills and experiences.

Still, the journey was a challenging one. Most people know that large organizations like the city are notorious for doing things at an extremely slow pace. The more I came to understand the city hiring procedure through firsthand experience, the more difficult it was to remain patient. The day in January when I received a call for my first interview opportunity was probably the most exciting day in this whole journey. From then on, it seemed like there was far more waiting than there was actual progress. But I'm glad I waited - In March, I received a call which I thought would be another interview opportunity, only to discover that it was an actual job offer resulting from a past interview.

I accepted the offer, and in the next couple weeks, I was scheduled for fingerprinting and a medical exam - requirements to complete the hiring process. Then there was even more waiting - over a month of waiting. When I called the office to check on my medical and fingerprinting status, hoping to confirm a start date for my new job, I was told that there was a month-long hold on the processing. I was assured that it wasn't my problem though; apparently about half a dozen other newly hired employees were facing the same hold. It didn't really make sense to me, but I had no choice but to keep waiting.

I'd be lying if I say I wasn't at least a little excited about the new job. But given the constant need to wait, wait, and wait some more, I had become, to an extent, emotionally disconnected from the whole process. I was simply relieved to know that there was finally light at the end of the long tunnel. And that light kept me focused on pushing forward to reach the end. Through all the waiting, I often complained to God, especially with the financial burdens of heading a family increasingly weighing me down. But by waiting, I also learned that regardless of what God gives me or doesn't give me in this world, I need to find my true contentment in His actual character and presence. I was tempted to give up, but I knew that God wouldn't lead me this far just to make me fail.

Because God is truly good, I know that He won't give me something that He knows will cause me to lose sight of Him. All along, I had prayed that no matter what job I got, I would get it in such a way that I would know it was a gift from Him. That's why I'm especially amazed that out of all the interviews I had, the one that landed me this job was the one I walked out feeling the least confident about. In fact, I still remember that just seconds into the interview, I was already feeling like I should have done better. But I continued doing my best. And looking back now, I see that that's exactly what God wanted me to do.

Earlier this month, I finally received the call I had been waiting for, confirming a start date for my new job. A couple weeks ago, I showed up to my first day of work and received my employee badge as a management assistant in the Bureau of Sanitation (part of the L.A. Department of Public Works). I'll write more about the job itself when I have more time. But for now, I'll just say that each day leaves me more certain that I'm truly blessed. Whether it's the commute, the work environment, or what I get out of the job, I have every reason to be thankful. This job is definitely a milestone in many ways, and it marks the beginning of a new chapter of my life that may last for longer than I can even imagine now. Of course, each stage of life has its share of challenges, and I know that this job is definitely no exception. But once again I am reminded that God is faithful - He has always been, and He always will be. As with my previous jobs, I pray that with each new day, I will strive to work as an act of worship to Him.

05/22: I love being a musician. But it's easy to forget just how much I love it until I really pour out my heart into it. Whether it's writing a new piece or playing at a live show, I am reminded of God's precious gift of creativity each time I engage with music. I use music primarily to serve God, bless others, and express myself. Occasionally, there are also opportunities for me to use it as a secondary source of income. Thankfully, God has always provided for me financially so that I don't have to depend on music to survive. Throughout the process of figuring out a new career path in this past year and a half, I have learned to be confident in the education, experiences, and skills God has given me. That includes music, too. During thas time, I got to piano professionally at several weddings and finish my first album of original instrumental pieces, which is now sold through most digital music retailers. These things all serve to remind me that, in order to expand the scope of my God-given talents, I must be confident that I am, in fact, a professional musician.

It just happened that I recently had another major opportunity to exercise my love for music. Rajeev, a friend and fellow musician known as rapper Jeevo, invited me to join him in the latest of several collaborations, this time a live concert for his latest album, "Dreaming in Color". My favorite thing about our collaborations has always been that, because of our extremely different musical backgrounds, our joint efforts always produce something more spectacular than what I could have created on my own. For this concert, he decided to focus the live portion on just piano and a string ensemble, often with nothing else playing in the background. As a result, I was asked to not only learn my part to play on the piano, but also write original string/piano arrangements for several of the songs. It was a challenging project, but we both believed it was a worth a try.

I approached this project with a professional mindset from the very beginning. Never had I been this eager to work alongside other musicians and perform with confidence. From the moment I first sat down to think of musical ideas, I tried to do my very best. And looking back now that it's all over, I'm so glad I did.

Of course, there were plenty of challenges to overcome, both in my role and in the concert as a whole. Whether it's time, people, logistics, or money, there were difficulties we had to overcome in order to make the event happen. THe music had to be revised numerous times in order to accomodate unexpected changes or problems. And I won't deny that it was often very frustrating. But in the end, when it was time to get ready for the big day, we were all reminded that we wouldn't be doing this unless we love what we do.

05/15: This is it - After a good night's sleep (despite having to wake up insanely early tomorrow morning), a new chapter of my life will begin. I'm both excited and afraid, both confident and uncertain, both eager to embrace the future and reluctant to give up the present. But God, I know it was You who led me this far. Through all the times when I felt strong, all the times when I was lost and confused, and all the times I wanted to give up, You were there. And here You are now, leading me as I step forward into the world that I have worked and prayed for over a year to become a part of. God, as I have prayed all along, I continue to pray that this may be a place where my strengths can be properly exercised and my weaknesses can be improved. I continue to pray that in all the people I will meet and all the relationships that will be formed, I may be an encouragement to those who know You and a light to those who don't. May I strive for excellence, not only in the work of my hands, but also in the attitudes behind the actions. I don't know what to expect starting tomorrow, and a part of me wishes that I know much more. But God, I'm thankful that my uncertainty helps keep me humble. May I always have a humble, teachable attitude, striving to do all things as an act of worship to You. As You have taught me repeatedly throughout this past year, my contentment is not found in the things You give me in this world or the way You decide to answer my prayers, but rather in Your very presence. May my work in this world never become an idol that takes Your place in my life. In every circumstance, whether I succeed or fail, may You be glorified, and may my faith continue to grow. God, You are the great, all-powerful provider. You always have been, and You always will be. May Your will continue to be done.

05/13: Last Free Day

Several people have suggested that I take a few weeks off to relax and enjoy life before starting my new job. I would really love to, if it weren't for the fact that I've already been desperately needing a full-time income for so long that I simply want to get started with the job as soon as possible so that I'll be closer to finally being able to balance out our monthly expenses. For those who didn't know, the whole process of applying for this job has taken over a year. That's right, more than a whole year. Besides, I've already had so much time away from work that I don't think I need any more breaks. When I wish and hope for something for such a long time and realize that I'm finally about to get it, it only makes sense for me to want to keep pushing forward. Of course, stepping into the newly opened door means that there are things I'll have to leave behind - namely the comfort zone of my now-former job.

I've always known that God is sovereign and works all things for good, but it's hard to really wrap my head around it until I've travelled far enough down the road to look back and see how the pieces fit together. Prior to meeting Tiffany several years ago, I had prayed that God would first provide me with a stable income before I considered being in any sort of dating relationship. It wasn't until shortly after I began working at Agape Shipping - a miracle in itself - that we met and began nurturing the friendship that would eventually lead to marriage. Fast forward to when I proposed to Tiffany - At that time, I had already sensed my discontentment with working in the freight forwarding industry, but did not realize I was actually ready to leave and find a new career path yet. Had I quit the job first, I definitely would not have considered asking her to marry me until I could once again have a stable full-time income. And who knew that getting that income would take almost a year and a half?

I'd come to understand soon after God led me to Agape Shipping that jobs, like any other worldly blessings, are better seen as stepping stones than as security blankets. With every step there are important lessons to be learned that may prepare me for future steps, and while I should embrace every step, I should never cling too tightly to them and refuse to move forward. After bringing my discontentment with freight forwarding before God and concluding that my work-related strengths and weaknesses really weren't suitable for the industry and that I had reached a point where any further growth would be extremely limited, I worked up the courage to speak to my boss about how I felt. It was truly a blessing to have a boss who genuinely cares about my individual well-being; she honestly told me how she felt based on her many years of experience, and we both reached the conclusion that my resignation would be a wise decision, freeing me to take advantage of my (relatively) young age to explore more suitable long-term career options.

I'll never forget the night when I shared with the BSF leadership team that I had quit my job. Immediately they looked to Tiffany, who was also part of the team, wondering how she felt. I had already talked with her prior to making my decision, and even though I can't blame her for being at least a little worried, I'm amazed at how supportive she is of my leap of faith. Not only so, but her family and my family both also embraced my decision, knowing that God is ultimately in control of everything. I didn't really have a clear plan of what to do from there on, but I was determined to do whatever it would take to figure out the next step. I considered a combination of researching (and applying for) potential new jobs and compiling a music portfolio in hopes of developing my talents at a more professional level. I committed to waking up early every morning and devoting the same amount of time and energy I once spent on my job to seeking God's will for my life in the near future. Oh, and I had a wedding to plan and prepare for, so it only made sense to set aside time to do so.

But that's when things really started getting crazy. I had left Agape Shipping for a whopping one day when I received a call telling me that a co-worker had suddenly bailed out after I left and that the company needed my help before things turned into complete chaos. I was hesitant at first, not only because it interrupted my plan to focus on the future, but also because it further brought to light some of the weaknesses in the company's management I had known about for a long time that allowed such a desperate situation to happen. But hey, what did I have to lose? One day back at work part-time turned into two, then into a week, then a month. It didn't take me long to realize that working part-time was a mutually beneficial plan - the company received help in various ways that I could offer thanks to my years of experience, while I received a small income with enough time left to take care of wedding details and figure out my life.

Little did I know, though, just how important this part-time job would be for me. Tiffany can easily testify to how frustrated and stressed I've been in these past few months as we continued watching our bank account shrink. Sure, the need for my help at Agape had shrunk to a point where I was only given a pitiful number of hours to work. But small money is better than no money at all, right? When I originally left Agape, I had no idea it would take me this long to get a new job. And God only knows how crazy I would be by now if I was completely unemployed all this time. Plus, Tiffany and I had never lived independently from our parents before, and it wasn't until we began looking for apartments last spring that we realized most apartment managers need to verify employment status and ongoing monthly incomes before giving us a place to live. There were several places we visited that we considered affordable, but we didn't meet their minimum income requirement. And I'm sure we would not be living where we are now without my unexpectedly continued employment at Agape.

I've always believed in the importance of praying for my job - my boss, my co-workers, and the company as a whole. Knowing that my boss is also a Christian has been a great encouragement each time I prayed. During times when I was frustrated with my inability to excel in the job or disappointed with problems at the office that repeatedly arise, it was especially difficult to maintain a positive attitude in prayer. But over time I've come to see that all of these ups and downs have only served to help me grow stronger. If it weren't for my boss' kindness in offering me the job despite my lack of professional experience, who knows if I would have the experience now that qualifies me for my new job? Surely God has been in control all this time, and as I prepare to set foot on a new stone and leave behind the one I had stood on for so many years, I must continue to trust Him wholeheartedly to guide me.

My last day working at Agape Shipping was Tuesday - exactly a day over five and half years since my first day of employment. As I sat in my car before entering the office, I prayed that God will bless the company so much that, if I were to cross paths with my co-workers again someday and hear of how successful the company is, I would wish I had never left. That's because I know that God's blessings are abundant enough to be poured out on all His children. I've witnessed many times in the past that God can turn greatly challenging situations involving multiple believers into blessings for every person involved, so that nobody ends up on the losing end. And I know that in the same way He has blessed me by opening the door to a new path, He can bless those I leave behind in ways we may not even be able to imagine now. Blessings are not meant to be used to boast in oneself, but rather to be shared and celebrated. And I hope that one day we will be able to come together and celebrate God's everlasting greatness both in my life and in Agape Shipping.

In addition, I pray that God will continue to expand my boss' heart of generosity, so that in the same way she has blessed me so much over the years, she will be a blessing to many others through her giftings in business and passion for world missions. May she pass her faith to the company's new leaders and an ever-stronger team of employees as she plans and prepares for her eventual retirement. And as the company grows, may God be glorified through it, so that those who don't know Him will witness His greatness and turn to Him.

I named this entry after an important phrase used daily in the freight forwarding business, often in situations involving troublesome delays and potential penalties. With the new job starting Monday, today is my last free weekday without a full-time job commitment. Thankfully, reaching this day is a good thing. But just like the countless last free days I have dealt with at work in the past five and a half years, there is a heightened sense of urgency to do my best with whatever time I have. With the free time God gave me in these past several months, I have prepared for the interviews that led to my new job, published my first music album, grown in various ministry opportunities, and devoted myself to a much closer relationship with Him. And now that my last free day has come, I am choosing to reflect on the past journey that led me here, rejoice in God's present blessings, and confidently prepare to step forward, knowing that He is faithful and true; He never changes, and just as He wrote every chapter of my life story up to this point, He will continue to write each day of the future according to His great and perfect will.

05/12: Throughout my college years, people I met often assumed I was a freshman. It might be because I don't exactly look my age. But a big part of the reason was that I always had an attitude of excitement, eager to explore the world around me and make the most out of every moment. I was always saddened by the fact that for most people, such an attitude tends to disappear after freshman year, overshadowed by the complacency that too easily creeps in. The truth is that even after over four years at UCLA, there were still countless places on and around campus waiting for me to discover - buildings, gardens, restaurants, streets, and landmarks that I never knew existed or never set foot on. Once I looked past the temptation of complacency and got up on my feet, the simple beauty of life never failed to excite me.

This concept is even more true for the real world outside of college. But the more I let myself be burdened by the challenges and struggles of life, the harder it is for me to grasp the importance of fighting against complacency. It's always easy to find ways to justify my own laziness. I don't have money to spend. There are too many things I need to do. I didn't get enough sleep. Yes, these things can all be true to an extent. But I'll honestly admit that most of the time, they are not nearly as life-threatening as I convince myself that they are. In college, I would often go out on random adventures by myself, whether it's sitting in a little-known garden and praying to God or riding my scooter to Beverly Hills to check out exotic cars. Those adventures were often exhausting, but they were always rewarding. As I spent week after week sitting at home wishing I could be spending my time elsewhere, I knew that the best solution to my problem was to simply give myself a kick in the butt.

That's why I decided to go hiking by myself at the nearby Monrovia Canyon trails. The first time I went was a few weeks ago, and I decided to go again this morning, since there were two main trails to explore. The longer trail led to a waterfall, while a shorter but steeper one led to a scenic hilltop overlooking the city. It seemed a little strange going hiking alone, since I had always gone hiking only when invited by friends. But the moment I stepped outside the door, I knew I had made the right choice.

05/11: I rarely stay out late on a weeknight, but last night was one of those special occasions that deserved an exception. After the final meeting of this year's BSF study on the book of Revelation, my group and I went to The Hat to enjoy our last official group fellowship. It was the third consecutive year I took my group to the same restaurant for our fellowship, thanks to its suitable atmosphere, affordable price, convenient location, and of course, delicious pastrami. A few guys generously bought fries and onion rings for everyone to share. We ate and talked until it was almost time for the restaurant to close. It wasn't until then that I realized just how much I will miss each of these brothers.

Everyone who understands how BSF functions knows that being a group leader is not easy. But everyone who has been a leader knows that it is also rewarding. Each week, we blessed each other with what we learned through our individual study of the weekly passages. We prayed for each other and rejoiced as God answered those prayers. As I struggled throughout the year with finding a career path, I was greatly encouraged to know that probably about half of our group members were facing similar struggles and motivated to pray for them as I prayed for myself. Through the constant reminders of Christ's return, one brother had the privilege of leading a friend to accept God's gift of salvation during a retreat. Even if that was the only thing this study accomplished in our group, it would have been well worth it.

It's always sad to say goodbye, even if we'll still see each other in different groups after summer. This particular goodbye is especially difficult for me, because it marks not only the end of the Revelation study, but also the end of my time as a discussion group leader at the Young Adult group I have attended for six years. I have had the humbling privilege of being a leader for about three years, investing both in God's Word and in the lives of the brothers in my group each year. But around the beginning of the Revelation study, I began to realize that perhaps it would soon be time to step down, with a couple main reasons pushing me toward that decision.

First, the time commitment was getting overly burdensome, often forcing Tiffany and I to be in a huge rush on Monday and Tuesday nights at the expense of the quality time we needed to nurture our marriage. My part-time work schedule made things a little easier, but with an upcoming new job that will require a much longer daily commute, it may not be possible for us to commit to any more than simply attending the weekly Bible study as members.

Second, the many changes that have been taking place with BSF as a whole in recent years have made my current strengths and weakness largely incompatible with the characteristics of an ideal leader. There's no need for me to rant about why I personally believe the old system is much more effective, because I am confident that every major decision made by BSF is only made after much prayer and consideration. And if God continue to be glorified, who am I to complain? But throughout this past year, there were many situations that made me realize I am unable to effectively and properly carry out the current expectations of leadership, and an ineffective leader will undoubtedly be a stumbling block to both the leadership team and the fellowship itself.

Stepping down from a ministry is rarely an easy task, and it was only after much prayer and consideration that I finally made the decision to do so. It may be easy to assume that my decision had to do with the many changes within our own leadership team in the past couple years. While I won't deny that those changes made the leadership experience more challenging for everyone involved, the truth is that my initial realization of my desire to resign came well before the current leadership team was conceived. And while I still hesitated to give up, God immediately opened the door for a new ministry leadership opportunity at church that challenged me just as much as BSF leadership did while allowing me to further put to practice much of what I have learned there, leaving me assured that He had a plan for me to continue serving Him through leadership even outside of BSF.

As for my role in the BSF Young Adult class from now on, I am eager to continue participating actively as a member, and possibly serve in the music ministry (as I did in the past) if time permits. Having a committed group of brothers and sisters to study God's Word with has been an indescribably great blessing, and I'm sure it will continue to be so. Tiffany and I both know that at some point in the next few years, we will probably be transitioning to the local Men's and Women's classes like most married couples do. But in the mean time, we will continue to enjoy being part of the Young Adult class - the place where we first met. And if someday God calls us to serve as group leaders once again, whether here or elsewhere, we know that there is no better option than to obey Him and trust in His guidance.