08/30: A reminder to myself when I pray - God has absolutely no obligation to answer my requests the way I want Him to. Other than fulfilling what is promised in Scripture, He can run my life however He wants, and I really have no right to complain. The truth is that He has already given me more than I deserve to ever ask for by granting me a right relationship with Him through the Cross. Even if He refuses to give me anything I ask for in this world for the rest of my life here, I should still approach Him with praise and thankfulness.

Of course, God is good, and He would not purposely refuse to give me what I want unless He has something better in mind in the long run. And for that, I should be even more thankful. But it's amazing how often I approach Him forgetting that He is infinitely more powerful than I am, not to mention that He already gave me far more than I deserve. And it's amazing how my attitude toward Him often changes solely based on what I have and how I feel. He is the same - good, faithful, just, wise, powerful, loving... - regardless of my circumstances. In fact, my circumstances happen only because He allows them to and has good reasons for doing so. He is perfect and never fails, and I need to remember that and pray accordingly.

08/13: I had the privilege of hearing a sister from church share about her recent mission trip to Ghana. One thing that amazes me about mission trips is that while we usually go expecting to accomplish a particular purpose there, in the end we usually realize that we've learned much more than we gave. In her case, one thing she learned was that, unlike the typical American Christian, Christians in Ghana pray even when it's inconvenient.

It's tempting for me to jump quickly to the conclusion that my prayer life is certainly not based on my own convenience - What a selfish relationship that would be! But in fact, convenience really sums up pretty much the entirety of my approach to my relationship with God. I pray before meals and before going to sleep because it simply feels like the right thing for a Christian to do. I usually also pray before going inside the office, given that my train arrives early enough for me to do so. Yes, those few minutes every morning are deeply refreshing. But ultimately, I prioritize them only because I have time to kill and nothing else to do.

What about the people in Ghana that I learned about? They pray throughout the day. They pray for many hours nonstop. They pray so much that people around them may think they're crazy. Sure, it's tempting to say that the differences between their lifestyle and ours make it easier for them to pray more often. But it's really all about the attitude - While I fit my relationship with God into my own life, they fit their lives into their relationships with God. It's definitely inconvenient, but it's really how a genuine relationship with God should be.

So how should I, in this life that God blessed me with, learn to pray like the Christians in Ghana? First, I should practice an awareness of God's constant presence. Tiffany and I spend most of the day at work away from each other, but that doesn't mean we stop loving, caring about, or thinking about each other. God not only loves me regardless of time, place, or circumstance, but also works actively in every moment of my life without ever leaving me. Second, I should develop a habit of praying in times and places I normally wouldn't, not because I need something from God, but because I know He is always present. The times and places I wouldn't conveniently pray in are also some of the best opportunities to acknowledge an understanding of God's omnipresence and express a genuine desire for a healthy relationship with Him. It's not an excuse to neglect my responsibilities in this world, but rather a big step forward in fulfilling those responsibilities by approaching them from the right perspective.

I was honestly much better at these things in college than I am now; it's amazing how easy it is to lose sight of God when I shift my focus to other important things. Having prayed countless times for both my marriage and my career, I know that God would not have given me those things if they would certainly take higher priorities than Him in my life, because He sees the big picture and knows what's most vital to my well-being and the fulfillment of His purposes. Prayer is not a list of requests to throw at God, but rather a means of communication with Him - acknowledging His character, submitting to His authority, remembering His faithfulness, and finding true peace in His goodness and sovereignty. The Christians in Ghana know it, and so should I - there is no true satisfaction apart from a healthy relationship with God.

07/18: I've noticed that I still have a tendency to think of Tiffany and me as newlyweds. Maybe it's because we didn't really have a "honeymoon phase" the way most couples do, but the way our marriage feels right now really isn't that different from how it was when we first began our life together. That's why it amazes me that a whole year has already passed since our wedding day. And I'm glad that when I take the time to look back at the past year, I see very clearly that while the heart of our marriage has not changed, we have both grown and are still growing, both as individuals and as a couple.

The fact that adult life is full of challenges and responsibilities has never been a surprise to me. But living under my mother's roof long after graduting from college made it easy for me to shy away from the realities of life. I worked and learned to save money, but had no idea how to budget wisely to make ends meet. I paid some bills and did some chores, but deep inside I knew that those things were still nowhere close to what I would inevitably have to do in the near future. And I chose each day to remain in my comfort zone, hiding from the fact that soon I would have to finally grow up.

Marriage changed all of that. Well, it's not like I really had a choice. And I'm glad I had no choice, since it helped me to finally come to terms with reality and learn to embrace it rather than run from it. Being married doesn't necessarily make it easier to fulfill my God-given roles in life and in a relationship, but it provides me with a deeper sense of purpose, prompting me to set goals both near and far and work hard to achieve them. It's easy for me to fall into the stereotypically male trap of being emotionally disconnected as a result of focusing on working hard (or simply stressing about not accomplishing enough). But ever since I began my new job, I've had to become a lot more dependant on Tiffany to help out with things at home (since she goes to work later than I do and returns home earlier). And that constantly serves as a reminder that everything I do must be motivated by love. We've both had great accomplishments, made big mistakes, and been in situations where we've had to play roles contrary to our strengths and preferences. We've both learned to simplify our individual lives to live within our means while finding joy in what we've been blessed with and entrusted to. And the longer we're married, the more we see just how blessed we really are to not only have all that we have, but also to enjoy it together.

Marriage has made it very clear to me that I'm not an easy person to love. Yet Tiffany chooses every day to continue loving me. I try my best to do the same for her, and we constantly remind each other that we love because God first loved us unconditionally. Our mistakes help us stay humble and our differences remind us that love is not something that naturally happens in marriage, but rather something that we must commit effortfully to every day regardless of circumstances.

Looking back now, I'm amazed at how much our lives have changed in the past year. And we know that God will continue to lead, guide, and provide for us. If everything goes as planned, we will finally enjoy our long-awaited "official" honeymoon vacation next spring (once I get to use my vacation days). As for other important decisions like having kids or purchasing property, we frequently talk and pray about them and know that God will provide in His perfect timing. One thing I've learned about the reality of life is that the challenges will never end. Whether it's improving our marriage, managing our money, or planning for the future, this journey is a constant struggle. But when we put our trust in God, we realize that it's also a constant blessing.

We are thankful, as we always have been, that our relationship is not rooted in our own abilities, but rather in God's intricate sovereignty which prepared us for each other, brought us together when the time was right, and continues to guide us each day as we grow together in our marriage. And we are thankful that our relationship continues to maintain a healthy balance of growing as a couple, connecting with others close to us, and serving our church and other groups we are involved with. We continue to hope and pray that God will use our relationship to bless others as we have been so blessed. May His will continue to be done in our lives and in our marriage.

07/06: Give Thanks

I've always known that a full-time job cannot grant me complete satisfaction. But it's still so easy to fall into the trap of convincing myself that it can, and during the times when it doesn't, I end up blaming myself, God, or anyone/anything else that seems capable of relieving my frustration. The truth is that life with my new job is still a big struggle, and there are two main reasons for that. First, this job is only one step in the lifelong journey of seeking God - a journey that often involves hardships. Second, even though I'm much better off financially now than I was just a few months ago, I still find myself constantly going crazy over how difficult it can be to reach even the most realistic financial goals.

It's far too easy to get sucked into the fast-paced lifestyle of working in a big city - Rushing to catch the Metro train, running through crosswalks before the light turns red, all just to save a few precious minutes here and there. Thankfully, as of last week the Gold Line is running through Monrovia every seven minutes, allowing me to have a more relaxed morning commute. And this morning as I stepped off the train and walked toward the office, an old praise song popped up in my head - "Give Thanks". I softly sang it as I walked and enjoyed the fresh morning air. In a time when I have so many reasons to feel helpless and hopeless, the beautiful melody and simple but powerful lyrics were exactly what I needed.

"Give thanks". As simple as it sounds, that's really the answer to all the questions I was so stressed to even begin asking. Having prayed so much over the years for my marriage, for this job, and for God's provision in so many aspects of my life, shouldn't I be thankful for where I am now? Having believed since college that God would provide for my needs and never seen Him fail even once, shouldn't I be confident that He is still in complete control?

"And now let the weak say, 'I am strong', let the poor say, 'I am rich', because of what the Lord has done." My heart couldn't agree more. The truth is that without being thankful, I will never feel rich or strong, no matter how much money or how many abilities I have. Without being thankful, I will never recognize God's loving provision and turn to Him for true and lasting contentment. I still care about working hard in this world, but I should do so knowing that God is the giver of every good and perfect gift. Sure, the worldly struggles in my life are still there, and they probably won't go away anytime soon. (Man is commanded to work as a result of sin, anyway.) But because of Him, I was able to step into the office and return home with a smile on my face, and I believe tomorrow I will be able to do the same.

07/05: I jokingly tell my co-workers that my employment with our section must be a divine appointment, because everything we do revolves around the fiscal calendar and my birthday just happens to mark the end of the city's fiscal year. Of course, as a full-time office employee, a birthday isn't much different from any other day. And even if I decide to do what so many people do and take the day off (after I pass probation and accrue vacation time, that is), everybody else will still be at work anyway.

That doesn't mean there's no room for a little celebration though. Thanks to Tiffany and Ken, I was treated to a surprise barbecue party the weekend before my birthday, bringing together friends from different stages of my life, both past and present. In the end, it really wasn't about my birthday, but rather people coming together to form and strengthen relationships. And that's exactly how I wanted it to be.

Whether it's college, marriage, or jobs, there are many things that have significantly shaped my social life over the years. I've always believed that unless some drastic situation forces me to decide otherwise, friends will always be friends. And I'm glad that, just like in past years, my birthday served as an opportunity to reconnect with people I had not seen or spoken with in a long time, both in person and via email/phone. I'm reminded of not only how blessed I am to know so any wonderful people, but also how important it is to effortfully invest in the friendships I've been blessed with.

I admit that, ever since getting married, I've more or less disappeared from the social radar, even for people I see on a regular basis. It's largely because my struggle for financial stability prompted me to focus my very limited income on only the most urgent necessities, leaving me little resources (or desire) for going out to eat or enjoying social activities. Having a new job now doesn't mean I'm making big bucks, but it certainly allows Tiffany and I to look beyond simply making ends meet and consider how we can wisely budget our resources. And much of that involves investing in the many people we are so blessed to call our family and friends.

Tiffany and I have always wished and prayed that our relationship, whether we're together or separate, can be a blessing to those around us. We hope to have more opportunties to go out and spend time with people (or invite them over to our apartment). There's also a good chance that a Nor-Cal trip may be happening in the near future- It's something I had promised to do ever since my last visit over five years ago, and travelling as husband and wife will only make the trip more fulfilling. We hope that as we learn to wisely invest our God-given resources, we will be able to effortfully bless others, which in turn will strengthen both those relationships and our own.