02/24: Finally back in the office for a full day of work after a few weeks of changes, confusion, and craziness. It all boils down to two words - Jury Duty. As far as I can't remember, I hadn't received a jury summons in probably around a decade. The last time I sat in a jury room (and eventually got dismissed), I was still concerned about staying in touch with each of the students I tutored to let them know if I would be able to make it to their houses or not. And I certainly wished I could; being self-employed, every hour of work meant an hour of income that would otherwise be lost. Needless to say, much has changed since then. As a government employee, I receive full compensation for jury service, regardless of whether I'm actually selected for a jury and regardless of how long the trial takes. And even if I were to return to the office and find a buttload of work that I would need additional time to catch up on, I'd be able to enjoy overtime pay while doing so.

The sad reality is that most Americans today probably dread receiving a jury summons. Whether it's at home or in the office, we just have so many darn responsibilities to worry about that any mandatory change to our schedules (and our paychecks) is essentially a threat to our well-beings. I'm sure that if the courts could increase juror benefits or provide compensation that more closely matches the losses otherwise taken by each victim, people would be much more willing to serve. But I've worked in the government long enough to understand that behind the walls of politics, funding, and legal policy-making, such an idea would probably never see the light of day.

Thankfully, I had nothing to worry about. In fact, it didn't take me too long to realize on my first day summoned to the courthouse that, for the first time, I could actually throw aside any negative preconceptions of jury service and enjoy the whole experience like all those magically smiling jurors shown on the orientation videos. (On a side note, you'd think the courts would at least have enough funding to make an improved orientation video to replace the current 1980's VHS-quality film, right?)

So yes, I actually got called in. It happened on the second day of my reporting week, which worked out perfectly since the first day was my ASDO (which I certainly didn't want to waste without any compensation.) And yes, I actually got selected to go to a courtroom as a potential juror. And yes, in the end I was actually part of the jury. All in all, it was a great experience. But there were certainly some unexpected surprises along the way.

First, I ended up getting assigned to an entirely different courthouse location. Apparently some of the smaller courthouses don't have their own jury rooms, so jurors get picked from the room at the larger courthouse I originally reported to. Having to make an extra drive is always a pain, but at least the locations are fairly close to each other, and both are fairly close to home. I, along with the group selected alongside me, was instructed to report to the new location after lunch, giving me enough time to actually go home and enjoy a few hours of unexpected free time. Oh, and it's technically paid free time. After all, my work's jury service policy is that unless my service ends with reasonable time for me to report to the office for close to half a day in a single interval, I get paid for the whole day. Can't really complain about that, right?

But that's actually where things started to get weird. Upon arriving at the courtroom after lunch, the prospective jurors were informed that until the jury was actually selected and deliberations began, we were only required to appear in court after lunch each day. For the few people who were retired and had no responsibilities to worry about, that seemed like a good thing. But to everybody else, it was a real pain in the rear end. Why? If you had to commute to and from the courthouse (and who doesn't?), it's essentially spending the same commute time/cost for only half the reward. If your job doesn't pay for jury service, you'd probably be squeezing in whatever morning hours you could to keep those paychecks coming. And even if your job actually paid for jury service, it really wouldn't make sense for them to have to pay you for half the day that you're technically sitting at home watching TV. Yes, I'm included in that last category. And yes, that meant that I had to choose to either waste vacation hours each morning or waste time on unnecessary commuting to get to work for half a day, then get to the courthouse for the remaining half the day before going home.

To make things worse, the actual jury selection process took three days. And inbetween those three days were a national holiday, another holiday that literally nobody else in the country has off, and a random "dark" day for the court, dragging out the whole process to over a week, during which pretty much all of us had to bounce back and forth between being at work one day and being at court the next. And on most of the days we had to report to court, we didn't actually get called inside until at least 30-45 minutes after our required reporting time. I understand and completely agree that the judge and attorneys wanted to take the time necessary to select the most suitable jury. But honestly, if everything actually happened on schedule and we actually got to serve for full days rather than just afternoons, the selection process could have been completed in a single day. Welcome to government efficiency at it's best.

Given the size of the entity I work for and the fact that it has existed for about as long as the city where the courthouse is has been incorporated, I was quite surprised to find out that literally nobody has heard of a jury service that only required meeting in the afternoon. It was good to know I wasn't alone in thinking my situation was crazy. And as for scheduling, after much wasted time calculating and discussing with my supervisor about various options, we finally worked out a way for me to change my shift to best accommodate my commuting needs. Let's just say that without the scooter, it would have been impossible. But with everything worked out, I was able to report to work for half the day, get paid for the full day, and even leave home later and return home earlier than usual each day. Yes, all that came at a cost, largely revolving around the fact that I spent a full day in the office today even though it should have been my ASDO. But overall, it was definitely the best option to handle being caught in such a ridiculous situation.

Personally, I thinking courts should be required to provide at least some cheap-quality coffee for jurors. After all, the judge placed so much emphasis on the fact that as jurors we should stay alert and pay close attention to every piece of evidence being presented in order to rightly perform our duties. Plus, in our case, I was already tired from being at work half the day, and several other jurors were even more exhausted from going to work at much earlier hours than usual, either by choice or by force, just to clock in as much time as possible. (Got to bring home those paychecks, right?) For the sake of having jurors be in their best state of mind in order to make very important decisions, shouldn't this small cost be justifiable?

As for the actual case itself, I'm not going to describe the details here. (Now that it has concluded, I have no problem personally talking about it to people who are interested). But I do want to tell about my experience throughout the whole process. Even though the selection process was unnecessarily long, it was an interesting chance to hear people of all different backgrounds talk about their personal beliefs or biases that may impact their impartiality. I don't know whether each person was being sincerely honest or coming up with clever ways of getting excused. But I was actually quite surprised at how easy it seemed for many prospective jurors to get dismissed based on some simple observable patterns, whether it was expressing a clear bias (based on tangible experience) toward one of the parties involved or simply expressing a little too much enthusiasm when speaking. To be honest, I was on the fence about whether I actually wanted to be on the jury or wanted to be dismissed. In the end, I decided to just be myself and let things play out naturally. And things naturally didn't change - I was the first prospective juror to take the seat I sat in, and I never left that seat.

I'm certainly no law expert, but thanks to both my current job and my previous position involving working closely with attorneys, I've learned to think more and more from a legal point of view. Even so, being on a jury took a lot of getting used to. It's hard for any person to truly be unbiased, but I was surprised at how quickly I naturally tried to jump to a verdict long before all the evidence was done being presented. It took a lot of discipline to simply listen to all the facts, then save all the opinion-forming for the deliberation.

I really looked forward to the deliberation day, partly because it actually began in the morning and partly because I could finally express my own thoughts and also hear what others were thinking over the past few days. To everyone's surprise, we were informed that the judge had bought doughnuts and Starbucks coffee for everyone. I don't know if he actually paid for them personally, but I imagine with his salary it's certainly not a problem, and I'm glad somebody in the courthouse actually agrees with me about this small but valuable investment. The jurors were given some time to sit in the jury room and simply enjoy the treats without talking about the case. It served as a great icebreaker in which we got comfortable chatting with each other in a relaxed setting, not to mention received the mental wake-up call from all the caffeine and sugar. When the actual deliberation time began, there was pretty much no hesitation in the room as we began to express our views, ask questions, and work together as a team.

To most of us, the verdict seemed pretty obvious. And to the few that saw things differently, it didn't take long for them to change their minds after considering a few more facts. Within about an hour, we were out of there. The only thing I could complain about the whole jury experience was that it simply seemed to quick and easy. After taking so long just to be selected on the jury, several of us had hoped for something a little more challenging and climactic. Yes, we ended so early that I was still expected to return to work in order to get paid rest of the day. (Prior to getting caught up in the whole scheduling circus, the only day I was potentially expected to report to work directly after jury service would have been the final day, if the trial ended in the morning hours.) And yes, I decided to screw it and use vacation hours to enjoy the rest of the day at home.

The jury believed that while the defendant almost certainly had guilt, he was not actually guilty of the charge beyond a reasonable doubt (as required by law). Based on that verdict, the defendant walked away blameless. As I thought about the whole experience the rest of that day, I couldn't help but realize that I now have a better understanding of the fact that, as a Christian, Jesus paid the price for my sins so that I can stand blameless before God. Over the past few weeks, I had been able to commit to a lot more Bible studying thanks to all the extra chunks of free time at home I'd been blessed with. Without having to worry about money or other responsibilities, jury service is certainly a worthwhile experience, and something I'd be happy to do again. But as an employee of one government agency speaking to another, please, for the love of our precious taxpayer money, let us actually serve for entire days at a time!

01/29: One reason I didn't have a lot of friends in elementary and middle school was that I didn't change my mind often enough. And I had no problem with that; after all, why waste time buying, doing, or knowing things only to please other people? Most childhood friendships tend to revolve around common interests or hobbies - things that often change and are largely determined simply by what everybody else likes. While I wasn't particularly thrilled about being a social outcast, I was certainly confident in what I knew. Growing up, I had one major hobby - cars. And to this day, that hasn't changed.

I appreciate fashion that's classy and timeless rather than trendy. I listen mostly to music that's more than at least a few years old, simply because I can appreciate it without any popularity bias. And when I go to car shows, I run toward what I consider most interesting and unique while everyone else surrounds whatever is newest, loudest, or attention-grabbing. That's one thing that sets Exotic Affinity apart from most other automotive hobby channels or social media pages. To me, the idea of "exotic", which first truly captivated my imagination during my years at UCLA, encompasses far more than the commonly known European supercars that most people associate with the word. It's not necessarily fast, not necessarily loud, and not even necessarily beautiful or expensive. Yet it includes luxury cars, economy cars, performance cars, classics, muscle cars, import tuner cars, one-off custom builds, race cars, SUV's, and just about every other automotive genre out there. And that's why I'm glad to say that Exotic Affinity is not only one of the largest collections of car videos on YouTube, but also one of the most diverse.

The idea of people changing their minds too often is true not only in childhood hobbies, but also all over social media. Just look at how often most people tend to change their usernames or create new social media pages only to eventually abandon them. The Exotic Affinity name and channel were created back in January 2010 as a necessary way to let my hobby branch out from being tied to my personal identity. Since then, it hasn't changed, simply because it hasn't needed to. As a result, most people I encounter at the events I attend have at least crossed paths with the name at some point. At the beginning, I simply wanted to use Exotic Affinity as a means to share my love for cars with whoever may stumble upon it. But I had no idea just how far it would go. Today I celebrate the 10-year anniversary of the YouTube channel, now with over 18,000 subscribers and almost 1,400 videos. And I'm glad to say this is only the beginning.

Several people have asked me about my thoughts on using YouTube as a source of income. To be honest, I don't recommend it. While I enjoy the platform far more than I enjoy Instagram (the only other place I've engaged with others under the Exotic Affinity name), the truth is that social media in general has gotten so overcrowded that, for the most part, it's simply a waste of time. In fact, changes and updates to social media platforms often prove that they not only have no problem with the way things are headed, but may even encourage it. Just about every eight-year-old kid today has access to not only a camera, but also a means of sharing photos and videos for the world to see. With so many people sharing so many things so frequently, there simply aren't enough people to actually view them. As a result, those who share content start freaking out over lack of exposure and, if driven hard enough by the need for exposure, ultimately compromise the integrity of their content or do stupid things just to get noticed. If social media isn't one of the biggest and dumbest popularity contests in history, I don't know what is. And if life has taught you any skills aside from pointing a selfie stick at yourself, you're probably better off investing in a real job with long-term potential.

With that said, why am I still so committed to YouTube? The simple answer is that, by the grace of God, I managed to jump on the bandwagon back when it was still worth doing so, and as a result, I'm now blessed with the means of continuing to do what I do without feeling like I'm wasting my time fighting for exposure. My channel is certainly not "viral", and I really don't care for that level of popularity. But it has certainly grown steadily over the past ten years while many of those "viral" pages have fallen out of popularity as times changed and people moved on. While newest videos of newest cars typically get the most views (while they're still new at least), I'm beginning to see more and more revitalizations of older videos, often of lesser known cars, as they float back up to the surface after a long dive into the ever-growing sea of digital content. Given the incredibly complex nature of today's "smart" search algorithms (which undoubtedly predetermines what deserves to be seen rather than providing an even playing field), I can't help but believe that Exotic Affinity's early establishment was critical to its current level of exposure. My two key weapons are consistency and focus - consistency in what I do (posting new videos at least once a week without exception) and focus on passion for cars rather than money or popularity. That's why I don't say anything or show my face in the videos. The cars alone are sufficient to do all the necessary "talking". And if the cars stand the test of time, then so will the videos.

So, let's get back to the cars. Looking back at the past ten years, I'm truly humbled and amazed at the opportunities I've had to see some of the world's fastest, most expensive, most unique, and most desirable vehicles. I've filmed not only hundreds (if not thousands) of modern supercars, but also little-known antiques, some over a century old. In fact, in 2019 alone I filmed cars from over a dozen vintage brands that I either had never heard of or knew almost nothing about before, prompting me to do extensive research into the rich history behind each one. 2019 also gave me opportunities to catch over half a dozen prototypes and concept cars, both classic and modern, including one that, to this day, no one else has posted action videos of.

I've been noticing more and more that while I'm attracted to all kinds of exotic cars, I'm most fond of the classics that are at least 60-70 years old, and there are many reasons for that. These cars don't attract hundreds of children running down the street with iPhones. They're not sleek, fast, or "cool" by most people's standards today. And their drivers/owners don't tend to do stupid things to attract attention. These people see their vehicles as artistic and engineering masterpieces rather than mere toys. They're willing to sacrifice modern luxuries and amenities and risk breaking down in the middle of the street because they love their cars. And the cars often contain so much history that it's no longer about simply what brand and model a car is, but rather the unique story behind that very car itself. The more I think about it, the more I understand why I'm most drawn to these vehicles. It's because my childhood passion is still alive. These cars have stood the test of time, and I can appreciate them without being biased by what anyone else thinks, but rather simply because I do.

While my passion for cars has remained constant for pretty much my whole life, the way it is executed has definitely evolved. (There was a time when being a car enthusiast to me meant pushing a bunch of Matchbox toys around twisty plastic racetracks!) Today, being a father and husband makes me constantly remember that life has so many priorities that are infinitely more important than cars. Needless to say, I've been cutting back on the number of car shows I attend. But to be honest, I've come to see that it's a good thing. It helps me not only focus better on the most important things in life, but also better focus my hobby on my belief of quality over quantity. Rather than being driven by the fear of missing out on potentially amazing shows that other people get to attend, I'm now driven by the desire to make the most of my time and attend the events that are most meaningful, both for Exotic Affinity and for me personally.

So what do I expect the new year and decade to have in store for Exotic Affinity? It's hard to say, simply because, as these past ten years have proven, the world is quickly changing in all sorts of ways. Will the majority of cars on the road be electric or autonomous? Will people be watching videos from new devices that we can't even imagine now? Will current social media platforms continue to grow in popularity or even continue to exist? Will my own life allow me to continue investing time and energy in filming and editing car videos? Only time will tell. I'd like an upgraded camera and computer sometime in the next few years, but at this point they are more luxuries than necessities. My focus now is on continuing to engage with my passion for cars and uphold the values behind Exotic Affinity that have kept it growing steadily. One thing I plan to do with the channel is better diversify the content being posted. (Only a fraction of cars I film actually get posted, and the selection process is often overly based on what's most popular at the time.) While most people probably come to the channel for the more well-known exotic cars, I want to include more of the less popular or lesser-known cars to help expand their interest in and knowledge of the automotive world, just as my own interest and knowledge is constantly expanding.

And whatever the future holds, I know that Exotic Affinity is, without a doubt, a huge blessing from God that helps me marvel at His creative nature in unique ways. I'm truly thankful for all the cars I've seen, the places I've gone, and the people I've met over the years. And I'm no less thankful that through every stage of life I've gone through in the past decade, Exotic Affinity has not only adapted as necessary but also continued to grow. This leads me to believe that there's still much in store for the channel in the future. And while I may not know what things will look like years from now, I will certainly continue to do what I've been doing for the past decade - sharing my passion for cars with the world, one video at a time.

01/23: My life as a Christian has, in many ways, been characterized by blessings and miracles. God helped my family and me strengthen our young faith through my father's transformation before his passing. As I got older, He clearly guided me through many adventures, including my decision to become a music major in college, my relationship with Tiffany that resulted in our marriage, and the various jobs I've had that sustained me financially despite my lack of knowledge or experience. But on a more tangible, day-to-day level, my Christian life hasn't been nearly as impressive. A highly introverted personality, a lack of spiritual role models, numerous failed church communities, and seemingly endless disappointments in ministries over the years leaves me lonely, weak, confused, embittered, and afraid of opening up and being hurt again. And the older I get, the more I can't help but believe that despite the many blessings I've received (and continue to receive), my Christian walk over the years has been on an increasingly steep downhill slide.

I often struggle with whether or not to let people know about this. But I think it's important both for non-Christians to understand and for Christians to remember that Christian living is not supposed to be easy. We're all going to make mistakes - lots of them - and wrestle with all kinds of challenges both inwardly and outwardly. It's not about praying some magic words or stepping into church simply to feel better about ourselves. It's not about simply believing that we'll go to heaven someday, then continuing to live to pursue our own desires. Believing in Jesus and not accepting the challenges of being a Christian in a sinful world is like believing in Santa Claus and not hanging up a stocking on Christmas Eve. Our actions don't justify or save us, but they certainly prove the existence of our faith. Matthew 7 says that believers are recognized by our fruit. So if we're not bearing fruit, then perhaps it's time to truly consider how genuine our faith really is.

Over the past few years, I've experienced increasingly growing conflict in my heart and mind between confidently walking as a Christian and sinking deep into the sea of doubt and guilt. My life, on a daily basis, certainly doesn't bear the fruits of a Christian. I'm often impatient and unkind. I love others based simply on whether or not I want to do so. I lack self-control so much that sometimes it doesn't even bother me anymore. I even try to justify my sins by blaming God for making my life so difficult. Sometimes I purposely shut God out of my mind and heart as if doing so makes me the new king of my own life. And in the midst of all my confusion about who's really in charge and what's right and wrong, the one thing I know for sure is that I certainly lack the joy and peace that I always thought true believers should have.

I've also noticed over time that a new feeling has been growing inside me - fear. The Bible says that "perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment" (1 John 4:18). Sure enough, the farther I turn from God's perfect love, the more I find myself living in the shadow of fear. I have no doubt God is real, but many questions frequently appear in my head. "Does God really love and care for me?" "Why do I feel increasingly far away from God?" "Am I really even saved?" To be honest, in these past few years, each time I read or heard Bible verses about the possibility of a Christian losing salvation or about the dangers of those who reject God and His Word, I felt afraid. What if those verses actually described me? What if I turned out to be like those "religious" people in the Bible who thought they were righteous but actually rejected Jesus? I recently met a brother who speaks so frequently and passionately about the doctrine of election that it often drives me insane. But being around him certainly forces me to ask some more questions. "Do I really have a choice of whether or not to put my full faith in Jesus?" "If God is ultimately all-knowing and my life seems to be headed downhill, does that mean I'm hopeless?"

Earlier this week in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), the topics of forgiveness and losing salvation were discussed, stemming from our study on the book of Hebrews. I openly admitted my struggles and how easy it is to let guilt from sin linger inside me, quickly resulting in me doubting God or even doubting my salvation and my identity as a Christian. And I'm thankful to have found the strength to do so, because it's impossible to stand up to a challenge without first accepting it. Through our short but meaningful discussion, I learned and realized several very important things. The fact that I feel guilt is proof that the Holy Spirit is still alive in me, and that God has not abandoned me for destruction. Satan is the "father of lies" (John 8:44), and everything I'm tempted to believe that contradicts Scripture is a lie. The Bible clearly says that temptation and trouble should be expected in a Christian's life. And when I fall and find myself trapped by doubt and guilt, it essentially boils down to one question - Are Christ's death and resurrection really enough? I know they certainly are. Otherwise, the entire Christian faith would have been built upon a flawed foundation. Yes, my life is a mess, and it seems to be getting even messier. But it's not over, and that means it's not too late. I need to make a choice and stick to it - to accept God's precious gift of salvation through Jesus and to commit to discerning truths from lies and not let anything untrue cause me to doubt what I believe.

I'm glad to say that I decided to make that choice. Yes, it may seem like such a basic part of being a Christian. And yes, I technically already made that choice when I first decided to put my faith in Jesus. But sometimes we all need to be reminded of the most basic things so that we continue to stand on a solid foundation. Once I made that choice, I feel like I began to see everything from a different light. Whether it's at the intellectual level or at the emotional level, many pieces of what once felt like a confusing puzzle suddenly began coming together and making sense.

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). Recently, one of the pastors at my church mentioned that peace is not the absence of trouble, but rather the presence of God. Trouble in this fallen world is guaranteed, but for those who believe, so is peace. And so is an eternal sense of purpose that lays the foundation for which battles in life are worth fighting and which ones won't bring true satisfaction. Yes, I already "knew" all these things for many years. But in the vast sea of thousands of pieces of knowledge that resulted from years of reading and learning about the Bible, it often takes a certain spark for particular truths to go from the head to the heart. And that spark is the work of the Holy Spirit, the mark of a true believer.

Beginning that night, I noticed that several things about me have changed. I began to feel hope - not just a sense of being in a good mood, but hope that's backed by knowledge of the Truth. I began to care more about bearing the image of Christ in the way I treat people and face challenging situations, including specific current problems I need wisdom to address, even if doing so requires discipline and patience that I often don't have. When I make mistakes, I strive to turn to God in repentance and receive forgiveness rather than conclude that I'm hopeless and sink into doubt and self-pity. And I began to have a much greater desire to pray - not just to dump a list of requests at God, but to be in His presence, seek His will, and be encouraged by His Word. More and more, I'm learning to pray for people I would normally curse in my mind, knowing that God hasn't given up on them either. Just to be clear, doing these things certainly isn't easy, and while some practice may help make them easier, I'm sure greater challenges will also come. After all, it's all promised by Jesus and part of the lifelong process of maturing in faith. That means I must choose every day to remain committed, disciplined, and focused so that I don't slide right back into immaturity.

I believe that the struggles I shared are things that many Christians today wrestle with, but like me, either lack people to talk to or are too afraid to open up in communities that already perceive them as "good Christians". If you're one of them, I encourage you to dare to ask these questions and seek answers. Our faith is ultimately in God, not in anyone or anything in this world. And if that's not the case, then perhaps it's time to evaluate what truly matters and shift to a God-centered perspective. God is big enough. He already knows our doubts before we even consciously think of them. The sooner we face them honestly, the sooner we begin enjoying a fruitful Christian life. I'm glad I've made that choice, and though it won't be easy, I look forward to the journey of growth that lies ahead.