06/10: I have a tendency to respond to wrongs by doing more wrongs. Whether it's getting unnecessarily angry at those who hurt me or simply letting a bad day or a challenging situation excuse me keeping my mental and emotional guard up, I know what I do is far from right, but I still fall into this kind of circumstance-driven attitude time after time. Recently, I've come to clearly see that I'm not alone. All across the country, people have been turning a handful of very unjust acts into excuses to steal, destroy, and hurt other innocent people. Let me make this clear first - Racial prejudice should absolutely not be tolerated. The scars we carry from generations of injustice are an important part of who we are and need to be allowed to heal. Abuse of power by law enforcement and wrongful killing of individuals, especially based on racial inequality, are definitely causes worth taking a stand against. But there are right ways to do it, and there are wrong ways to do it. The recent circumstances around us serve as an excellent reminder of how important it is to wisely engage both our minds and our hearts when facing a problem.

First, we need to maintain control of our emotions. Just about all of us can think of many things that prompt us to be angry, even rightfully so. It may be a small, one-time incident involving specific individuals, or an ongoing major issue such as racial injustice. It's important to face and express these emotions in a healthy way - any other option will only make things worse. Think about all the people breaking into stores and destroying others' property during this time. Whatever is going through their heads - whether it's seizing the opportunity to gain possessions through stealing, partaking in the thrill of large-scale craziness, or attempting to cope with the actual anger of injustice by making the world around them seem as broken as they feel inside - their actions only serve to increase fear, anger, and hate in those watching and those affected, likely reinforcing the negative stereotypes and experiences that initially stir up racist attitudes and actions. What they may not realize (or care to realize) is that through their actions, they are not only making all the protestors - including those truly seeking to fight for justice - look bad, but also working against the cause of racial justice as a whole.

Which leads me to my next point - we need to use our heads. In times when it's easy for our emotions to get the best of us, we need to keep our heads together and exercise wisdom in decision-making. In fact, we need to recognize the fact that when our judgment may be impaired, we must be even more intentional about using our minds. It's just like driving under the influence of alcohol - we may feel like we're fine, but for the sake of knowing what's best for the safety of ourselves and others, we need to know that it's not a good idea and act on that knowledge. While the issues of racial injustice and police brutality certainly justify heightened emotions, some of the solutions being proposed, broadcasted, and acted upon are clearly overly simplistic, feel-good answers that won't solve the problem in the long run. For example, the idea of wanting to defund or eliminate police to reduce racially-motivated abuse of power really isn't much different from wanting to defund or eliminate education systems to reduce school shootings. It doesn't take a genius to understand that a reduction of law enforcement would likely result in an increase in crime. Wouldn't it make more sense to focus on where the funding should be better spent, whether it's programs promoting racial equality or better training, discipline, and selection of law enforcement officials?

Lastly, and probably most importantly, we must recognize that true and lasting change must start with individuals. There will always be good cops and bad cops. There will always be good and bad people of any race or color. All the funding, policy reforms, and social media movements in the world can, at best, solve only part of the problem. We've all been exposed to information or situations that may cause us to stereotype or profile others based on race. And we all identify with at least one racial group that some others may have negative feelings toward. Also, there's always room for us to better know and understand those who are different from ourselves. So regardless of our political positions or our views on the events unfolding around us, there are two things we should all do to advance the cause of racial equality. First, open up to those of other colors, embracing and understanding their differences. Second, recognize the negative stereotypes others have of your own race and break them with your actions. True and lasting change won't happen until we first humble ourselves, examine our own hearts, and let our lives be an example of the change we want to see around us.

05/20: It's amazing how being in quarantine can shine a spotlight on problems at home that are too easily overlooked when everybody's busy going out to work every day. I've heard many stories about how, during this time, there has been an increase in conflicts among spouses or families, and even an increase in domestic violence. It's hard to imagine that the bliss of getting married and the joy of having children can become what seems like recipes for disaster. But the truth is that in our increasingly busy, fast-paced, and self-centered world, we often spend less awake time at home than we do at work where we've adapted to a certain degree of power, freedom, and independence from those we live with. Suddenly having to share time and space at home all day, every day, for so many weeks, forces us to not only give up the daily lives we've become used to, but also face problems at home that were once easier to ignore.

For Tiffany and me, being in quarantine has generally been more or less of an enjoyable experience. Other than having to stand in long lines at grocery stores and not being able to see friends in person, we enjoy getting to sleep in together every morning (thanks to me not having to wake up before sunrise to commute to work) and having the freedom of watching TV or grabbing snacks throughout the day without having to physically be at our workplaces. Even our usual chores at home are much more relaxed, since we're home every day and don't need to rush to get everything done at night or on weekends. But despite all this freedom, there were unexpected challenges. For Tiffany, being home resulted in more time to be consumed by worries of how to properly care for Amias without the help of teachers. For me, being home resulted in an endless to-do list of both needs and wants that occupied my mind day and night. And when we actually spent time together, it was either to have a meal or because something needed to be done. Our conversations revolved around what to make for the next meal, what groceries we lacked, and chores that were either not done well or not done in a timely manner. I allowed my task-oriented nature to get the best of me, and often spoke rather harshly, with the sole intent of getting whatever information I needed to move on with my day. I had, in essence, turned life at home into a job. And since there were no supervisors to submit to or rules to follow, I dropped my guard and became increasingly unkind, unloving, and unforgiving. (Tiffany wasn't exactly perfect, either, but I'm not here to call out anyone's wrongs except my own.) It certainly didn't feel good or right, and as the weeks passed I became increasingly aware not only that we weren't headed in the right direction, but that something needed to be done quickly about it.

By the grace of God, I found the strength and courage to humble myself and discuss my concerns with Tiffany. I also proposed a solution, which I'm glad to say she agreed with - a regular time of Bible study together, at least once or twice a week. Of course, reading the Bible doesn't magically solve life's problems. But it does give God's Word a place among the many voices - TV, YouTube, social media, and more - that have penetrated our lives more than ever before during this time of quarantine. And by doing so, it allows God's Word to work through our thoughts, our words, and our actions, reminding us to submit to His authority not only for His glory, but also for our own benefit.

It has been a few weeks since we've committed to this, and I'm amazed at how much of a difference it has already made. Remembering that there is a higher authority frequently prompts us to check our own thoughts and actions, including how we speak to each other and make decisions together. And regardless of who's right and who's wrong, we're reminded that in order for our family to grow and function as God intends, we must strive for unity rather than selfish gain. Whether apologizing, forgiving, encouraging, rebuking, serving, or receiving, we should do it all out of love for each other and for our God-ordained marriage. We pray not only to remain committed to God's Word, but also to listen and respond to the Holy Spirit's prompting to apply His Word in practical ways. As the weeks passed, we've both become less self-centered, more others-centered, and ultimately more God-centered. And as we navigate through life's many challenges, both at home and in the world around us, we have faith that putting God first will help us not only have a healthier family and marriage, but also become better individuals (since the things we're learning ultimately apply to the way we interact with all people and face all sorts of situations both at home and elsewhere.)

I'm extremely thankful that in a time when we've lost focus on God and on our marriage, God intervened and gave me the strength and wisdom to do what was necessary to turn things around. This is an excellent reminder that relationships, like pretty much all other important things in life, require effort. Sometimes we become so busy with putting in effort at work that we forget to do so at home too. But when we effortfully commit to being our best around those we love most, it will also impact how we are when outisde of home. When Tiffany and I first got married, few things made us happier than having time to spend together. Now that we're blessed with so much time together, we must make every effort to not let anything get in the way of having that same love we had when we first committed to spending the rest of our lives together. Life will always have challenges, whether it's through personal struggles or external factors. But we must remember that God's love for us never changes, and He makes every effort to show it. We pray that we may humbly follow His example and let Him take His rightful place as the head of our family.